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Ettina

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About Ettina

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Personal Information

  • Gender
    cis female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    I'm autistic
  • Occupation
    university student
  • Romanticism
    cupioromantic
  • Sexuality
    asexual

Contact Methods

  1. I can relate to a lot of those!
  2. To be honest, personally my worst experiences have been with LGB aros. But you can't generalize from a few individuals to the entire group. (I mean, Cassiopeia is an aro lesbian and she's awesome!) Comments like the ones you describe are terrible and uncalled for, and abusive prejudiced people shouldn't be welcome in any safe space. But to link that behavior with any orientation means that you're being prejudiced yourself.
  3. The Aro <-> Romantic Q&A Thread

    I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back. Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.
  4. How frequently do you get squishes?

    That reminds me of Jughead. Didn't he squish on a girl because she was dressed up like a burger?
  5. How to start a QPR

    I wish I had an aro friend. My only a-spec friend is allo ace.
  6. Aro marriage: to subvert, or to dismantle?

    Regarding divorce, from what I understand, it's not a big deal unless you have children. Childless couples divorcing just divide up the property and then go their separate ways. And regarding the Mutual Adoption Club, that sort of thing, while it sounds cool, would either not be very good for the kids, or else in most cases wind up looking like a kid living in one home with the other families being more like aunts/uncles/(is there a gender neutral term for aunt/uncle?). Kids don't seem to be able to treat more than a few adults as primary caregivers, psychologically. One of the big reasons why it's actually a good thing that it's hard to get kids away from mildly psychologically abusive parents - taking kids away from a primary caregiver is really damaging to the kid, and only worth it if staying with that caregiver is even worse. In Israel, when the country was refounded recently, some communities tried a kibbutz system where kids were raised communally in a shared home, kind of like a 24/7 daycare, with lots of adults working in shifts to care for the kids. Researchers have found that those kids have a higher rate of psychological problems and insecure attachment. Since then, most kibbutz have become basically just free daycares, with kids going home each night (and having a consistent kibbutz caregiver), and that's turned out much better. Essentially it's become a three-parent system.
  7. Physical contact survey

    Do you think skin hunger is more of an issue for AMAB or male aros? I've noticed that expressions of affection that no one bats an eye at me doing with female friends (I'm AFAB), get taken as gay when two guys are doing it. (I remember seeing someone who claimed David Attenborough was erasing homosexuality in animals because he didn't ascribe sexual motivation to two male chimpanzees hugging. Which blew me away, because girls are socially expected to hug close friends, especially other girls, and it's not seen as romantic at all.) I've also heard alloromantic wlw complaining that people mistake them for best friends even when they're doing explicitly romantic acts with each other. So it seems to me that an aro girl or passing as girl who craves platonic touch might have an easier time getting it.
  8. Asking straight girl to be your QPP?

    I'd be really leery of trying to be QPPs with someone who doesn't get that you're not romantically interested in her, personally. Especially with using the word, because to straight allos 'queer' kind of implies gay and 'partner' implies romantic. So given that she's shown she doesn't listen to explanations, I'm guessing that she'd assume you're wanting a gay romance with her.
  9. I have a question..

    I've heard a lot of greyromantic people describe feeling like that.
  10. The term "friends with benefits"

    As an aroace, I'm not particularly likely to have a FWB, but yeah, I don't like the term. Firstly, because benefits is implied to be sex, which makes it even harder to avoid implying sexual stuff with non-sexual language, and secondly, because the way most FWB seem to work, they really aren't actually friends. They're generally either 'acquaintances who have sex', 'romantic partners who don't want to admit it', or a consolation prize for someone who really wants romance. (I have heard so many allo/allos saying "he turned me down. Should I get into a friends with benefits relationship with him?")
  11. What is it like to be demigender?

    As far as I know they're synonymous.
  12. Rape by fraud?

    My mom the lawyer says that the dividing line is lying about your identity, as opposed to your actions or characteristics.
  13. Flirting as an aromantic

    Sorry for off topic, but... aromatic?
  14. What would you say to your younger self?

    Try to get into DBT sooner.
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