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Untamed Heart

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About Untamed Heart

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 04/05/1983

Personal Information

  • Name
    Anne
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She, her
  • Occupation
    Dirt removal person
  • Romanticism
    Hetero, grey, lithro? Aroflux?
  • Sexuality
    Hetero Grey

Recent Profile Visitors

4,615 profile views
  1. Immaturity

    I can see where you're coming from, but I think a lot of it is down to who you are as a person. Being aro probably does play a part, but while there's an apparent correlation of sorts, I'm not sure it's possible to make any concrete or meaningful statements beyond that. I can say that my friend and some acquaintances are allo-allo and there's also a sense of most, if not all of them being 'not quite grown ups' even though most of them are older than I am.
  2. Aromanticism and depression

    Well, it's hardly the fault of the aro-aces that she can't get a date. That pool of ace-alloromantic men must be pretty small, relatively speaking, not to mention spread out over the globe and the number of them she'd even be mutually compatible with is even smaller. That's just how it is and no amount of complaining and gross shaming/coercion attempts from her will change that.
  3. Reading stuff like that just makes me want to slap someone. It's not about being special, more about finding your own community for support and advice, none of which a non-fan of [the national sport] would really need.
  4. Famous Name Game

    Mickey Rourke
  5. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    I'd totally forgotten about that thread! But your reply sounds very much like how I generally feel - neutral gear, or, in the famous words of Bohemian Rhapsody (), "little high, little low". I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 17, but haven't discussed it with counsellors that much. Maybe if I had, this would have been picked up? It brings a slightly unrelated incident to mind, where I'd had a breakdown at work and was being referred to Mind by the doctor. She asked when the last time I'd been happy was, and I ended up giving her a plausible, but not entirely truthful answer - we had gone to the rescue centre to adopt a new dog shortly before. Logically, most people would be pretty excited about that (and I do love dogs), but I didn't really feel anything much at all. It didn't even occur to me to say I wasn't sure.
  6. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    It's making some things a bit clearer, will take some more working out though. But thanks, it has been helpful
  7. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    @Apathetic Echidna that's not too many questions at all I'll answer all of them, too. It does only happen when I have feelings for someone, and as far as I can tell the anxiety is a result of the crash, rather than being underlying. It's usually quite pleasant, or exciting initially. Disassociation sounds very likely, too. The group leader at the Mind group I was in suggested that my reactions could be a defence mechanism of sorts, but aside from that he was pretty stumped. I've also noticed a slight disconnected feeling if I'm with someone in person, which is a bit difficult to describe. The best I can come up with is, being face to face is kinda lacklustre or even uninspiring? It could be partly to do with the kind of people I've been with, though. I'm normally quite independent, spend a lot of time in my own company and not used to having to entertain others. Interaction is hard! I seem to end up going with whatever the other person suggests because I have no clue what I want, so it's difficult to make the effort when every choice feels the same. I think you might be onto something with the 'threat' of possible reciprocation. Sometimes I do want it, but even then I know I won't know what I'm "supposed" to do if/when I get it. I understand the chase much better than the catch, so to speak. There's a lot to think about here, anyway, and the cogs in my brain are certainly starting to turn a bit! Thanks very much!
  8. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    Thanks SoulWolf, like I kind of implied in my original post I've been left wondering if this is 'just me', as nobody else I've tried explaining it to understands, or if it's more normal and nobody talks about it for some reason. But that is helpful to know when it's at it's worst I've found it impossible to ignore, since the numbness lasts so long (from a few hours to a day or so, but it's unpredictable by its very nature) and I can't feel much else; it feels like I'm just existing in a physical sense and going through the motions.
  9. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    Thanks for the reply Yeah, I should clarify that this has been a general pattern since I was around 15 years old or so. The feelings do usually come back, as mysteriously as they disappeared in the first place, but usually not as strong as they were before. But when they disappear, they go very suddenly and I'm left feeling numb, but also anxious, and just thinking I really hate this, but I don't know how to snap out of it. There's never been a tangible cause, either. I have had a few crushes where it didn't crash and just dwindled naturally, though. The last one I had was a few months ago, on one of my martial arts instructors, and it lasted a week before dwindling to a natural end. One thing that does stand out to me, is they've been nicer experiences when the other person appears to be off limits to me, either for definite or based on an educated assumption.
  10. Hey!

    I had very few families where the parents (or parents to be) didn't have affairs. I don't condone cheating in real life but I like seeing how much I can get away with in the Sims though I could never understand why their partner found out when they were at work - usually the other side of the map! Maybe they have those really nosy neighbours who love to shit stir? I can imagine a neighbour Sim phoning my cheat-Sim's spouse at work telling them the juicy gossip I had a family of cute vampires, too. Ville Valo was the dad and "Bella Swain" was the mum, who Ville turned before she had kids. One of the daughters was terrified of ghosts and Bonehilda (skeleton maid) - the stupid thing was, Bonehilda was practically her third parent Oh, and a horse got teleported into my house by accident once. No idea how, but I had to delete a wall to get him out.
  11. I wasn't really sure what to use as a title, I guess it's the closest I can get without a detailed explanation. It's just something that's been nagging me a little bit, and that is wondering if anyone else gets mood crashes when they have a crush/squish? In my experience, it's a sudden, almost total loss of interest and feeling for the other person, like the opposite of euphoria I guess, since I end up feeling numb and like I'm going through the motions for hours at least, but it can last longer. I always wonder if my feelings will come back, just because the low is disproportionately worse than the high (think of a pigeon jumping off Nelson's Column, aiming to land on one of the lions and missing...). Am I completely wrong though, to assume when other people have a crush or squish, that their moods or feelings remain more or less stable until the crush dies or evolves into something else? I've asked mental health professionals about this in the past and got nowhere (a counsellor and the leader of the Mind youth group I used to be in).
  12. I've noticed you stated your hetero greysexual. I was curious if it's more like hetero-demisexuality? Whereas you only have sexual attraction when you're great friends with a man and you have great chemistry. You obtain a squish, like a romance crush but only on a friendship level.

     

    Having sexual attraction is just the mental / emotional side of the orientation but sexual arousal is the physical sensation and the reception of such, not necessarily will you act on the physical / biological urge. 

     

    Or do you have specific tweaks to the grey / demisexuality where you're a sapio, a person turned on by someone's intelligence and the way they present themselves in an intellectual manner with others, including yourself?

     

    I mean, there is so many areas to look into and research, let alone articulate about ones own self and how you view people. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Lex Barringer

      Lex Barringer

      Here's something interesting, many people don't really hit on, where as it's aesthetics, it's a mental and emotional process. I have an ultra-wide hetero aesthetic attraction (another orientation). Whereas I'm

      highly attracted to women and love to talk to them, when in reality they think I'm hitting on them for some action and romance.

       

      It took me a long time to realize this is what was going on with me. I enjoy the eye candy so to speak and being really friendly (some people think it's flirting but it's not). I thought I was having many crushes going on simultaneously but I figured out that wasn't it. It was the thought of being with them that is what appealed to me, not necessarily falling in love and having sex. I'm a very visual and tactile type of person. 

       

      It's a possibility that what you think is romance really isn't, it could be aesthetic attraction. It wasn't until I separated the difference between physical attraction and how I was interacting with people did I realize I wasn't allosexual. I figured out I was demisexual, then it dawned on me. I love being with women but I don't have any  attraction to them  in regards to romance, I then figured out I was aro after that.

       

      Finding a good understanding partner for any type of relationship is hard enough to find but to accept you when the dust settles and everything has been laid out on the table is true love.

       

      Now, I'm not finding fault here, that's not my intention. Just trying to figure out if you can further articulate who and what you are, I believe if you do so, you can then find a partner that is the same way you are. Being in a stable relationship, however you define it, is good for the both of you.

       

      Another thing to look into psychological attachments, as I've said to other members. It's not a bad thing if they go one way or another, it's just what you are and how you understand relationships in general. If you know your attachments, you can work on normalizing them if they're way out of whack. Once those

      are handled, if this is the problem, things happen naturally. 

       

      Often times people that supposedly fall in love with someone are falling in love with the idea of someone, the idealized state that

      doesn't exist in reality. When you notice the discrepancy in the

      real world, people tend to lose interest in a hurry. It's like the idea of

      people hanging on a celebrity's every word, you think you love them, then they let you into their inner circle and realize what you thought you knew was just an illusion, you want out now. 

    3. Untamed Heart

      Untamed Heart

      That's really insightful, thanks! The whole aesthetic attraction was definitely what was happening with me when I realised I liked my ex. I didn't realise that's all it really was until I came here. I can relate to liking the idea of being with someone more than the reality, as well.

      I feel, at least right now, I'm kind of too independent to want to deliberately seek anyone out. Even when I was a child, I didn't really make huge efforts to develop friendships with most of the other kids in school. I guess I'd be anxious avoidant, or around that ballpark.

    4. Lex Barringer

      Lex Barringer

      That's exactly what aesthetic attraction does, you're really into their being or rather the unrealistic image you have in your mind that they are, when you see they don't match you give up.

       

      Actually, this whole thing about aesthetic attraction isn't being shallow or fake, it's just not realizing and learning that the image you build someone up to be doesn't match reality. Lots of people who get into relationships who have this trouble don't realize the aesthetic attraction orientation isn't articulated yet and understand what makes you tick, what turns your crank, gets you excited and why it does that. 

       

      It works like this, your physically attracted to them but not necessarily their personality. When things settle down in the relationship and everything gets real, the real personality emerges, many people bolt when they run into this. Some people get anxious, scared or offended when people don't measure up to the great expectations. 

       

      Hey, I had to temper mine some twenty years ago. Sure, I have a yearning to be with women, just because I'm aro doesn't mean I don't want to be alone.

  13. I'd love to have thicker skin! But I get bothered and angry over stupid things, mainly rudeness (even when aimed at other people) and people blaming me for them nearly causing an accident and stuff. I hate it. I very rarely get comments about my single status, though how I react depends on what questions get asked, or the attitude of the other person. If they imply I'm covering up for something, I do tend to get defensive, probably because I hate ignorance - and in my experience, a lot of ignorant people still hold onto their erroneous opinions even if you explain the truth to them. I don't mind if the other person is just curious, but I don't really give a crap if they try and tell me I'm wrong for wanting to be alone - people might think that romance is the most important thing ever, but I see no objective evidence that I'm required to have a partner. If I meet someone in the future and don't end up wanting to run for my life, fair enough, but that would still be my choice and not one I'd make with maintaining the status quo in mind.
  14. woah!

    A galaxy far, far away probably would be a good place to start a new society of aros, aces and allies... (Also, I might ask a question of my own again, framed in a different way. Only because this is literally one of the only places where I might get a real answer!)
  15. Leading people on

    I feel similar, except I know I have a 'problem' with dating that I can't quite put my finger on, and I make the classic mistake of thinking "it will be different this time!" Then I end up wondering why I bothered; I forget about how anxious it makes me, how weird everything feels and there's never any relief from that. I wouldn't say you're leading them on, though. You liked them as people, but the reality of being with them and dealing with their expectations doesn't sit well with you, and you don't want to hurt them - that's totally understandable. I still feel guilty for hurting my ex last May when I had to break up with him. I'm a grey romantic rather than aro, so the initial attraction was mutual, but once I got with him my feelings more or less disappeared. There were brief resurgences of them here and there, but nowhere near enough to sustain my relationship with him.
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