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NullVector

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About NullVector

Personal Information

  • Gender
    male
  • Pronouns
    male ones
  • Romanticism
    probably aro
  • Sexuality
    hetero

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  1. Would it though? I mean, you aren't 'chosen representatives' (there hasn't been an election or something) so it may make sense to establish that context explicitly? I'm fine with you representing yourselves and your own opinions and experiences online - and your understanding of these as aros - but why seek to imply that non-aro people not implicitly universalising your understanding to all aros would 'undermine the website'? This I don't understand.
  2. Should this be www.alexandraroca.com ?
  3. In case this helps, I've taken to asking myself the question: do I think about this person I barely know outside of two very specific contexts? Either, 1: they are right in front of me, or, 2: during (or immediately preceeding) certain 'self-stimulatory' behaviours (apologies for crudeness!). My answer is basically always 'no', so I've come to conclude that my past 'crushes' were of a purely sexual (rather than partially romantic) nature. I get the impression that romantic crushes are characterised more by thinking about the person all-the-damn-time (this 'can't get them out of my head' phenomena is a level of commitment I simply cannot achieve! not when there are so many other interesting things to be thinking about in any given moment!). Also, fantasising about your future together. I don't think I've ever done this. Rather, being honest, I've only fantasized about moment-to-moment sexual stuff we'd do together 😂 (or maybe having interesting conversations before/after the sex; but it is rather stretching the definition of 'romantic' IMO to call this that!) I'm curious, given what else you wrote, about what are the specific aspects that you would think about as being 'nice'?
  4. Hello @hUllO! Short answer: it depends what you mean by commitment. I've done things that require commitment (example: writing a thesis). It just so happens that, in my case, a romantic relationship is not one of those things. Longer answer: most people seem to take 'commitment' in this context to mean things like: monogamy, exclusivity, co-habitation, etc., done in the context of a romantic relationship which is 'acted-out' according to socially conventional behavioural markers, rites and rituals. Most of us on here would probably regard that as an overly prescriptive and restrictive way of viewing commitment. Also, aromantic sexual is an internal orientation, not an external behaviour. I'm basically 'functionally' asexual; I'd prefer to be having sex, but I don't want to do it in the context of a romantic relationship. But I'd also want a level of caring relationship with the person (or persons) I'm doing the sex with, including some level of 'commitment' that we can negotiate mutually, but outside of some pre-defined social script (assumed to desirably 'escalate' according to some standardised timeline) and/or assumed romantic-sexual 'package-deal'. That's a weird concept for most people (including myself!) and it's not a conversation I've figured out how to have yet. Plus, until fairly recently, I didn't even perceive this as an option. So, I've been celibate on that (semi-voluntary) basis thus far. P.S. personally, I'm not offended. I do regard your mum's response as a lazy, reflexive over-generalization of her own limited experiences and orientation towards relationships; but if I became offended every time a fellow human did this, I would find life absolutely exhausting! 😄
  5. @Illus what @bananaslug said ! That's the reason I set my profile up as essentially a 'question mark' and why I've kept it that way since.
  6. It's okay, there are consolations to being this way "I am a horse for single harness, not cut out for tandem or team work. I have never belonged wholeheartedly to country or state, to my circle of friends, or even to my own family. These ties have always been accompanied by a vague aloofness, and the wish to withdraw into myself increases with the years. Such isolation is sometimes bitter, but I do not regret being cut off from the understanding and sympathy of other men. I lose something by it, to be sure, but I am compensated for it in being rendered independent of the customs, opinions, and prejudices of others, and am not tempted to rest my peace of mind upon such shifting foundations" -- Albert Einstein
  7. and some people get a kick out of subverting the ideals For instance, when I read this in Alain de Botton's book Essays In Love, it made sense in the context of how I've subjectively experienced beauty in the opposite sex:
  8. I think the two can be closely connected. An awareness of death and the fleeting nature of life can make us less complacent and more sensitised to the beauty of the everyday, perhaps? In buddhism there are a lot of practises centred around bringing to mind the fragility of life and the inevitability of ones own death. I suppose you're only really one breath or one heartbeat away from death; it's a sort of improbably beautiful miracle that we're even alive moment-to-moment Fully appreciating that can (purportedly) bring you peace of mind through an acceptance of things as they actually are. In contrast, you might say that our culture likes to keep death at an unhealthy distance? There I go trying to systematise beauty again, eh? I think it's kind of sanitising or sugar coating reality, robbing it of something essential, to ignore it. It's not satisfactory. It doesn't let us develop fully as integrated people to push the darkness of the world aside. I liked this scene in Donnie Darko Actually, when I was a little kid, I was heavily into some animations that were full of darkness and death! Like Animals of Farthing Wood and Watership Down (and the moments where there was some reprieve from the death and darkness of the characters' worlds were rendered the more beautiful by that, IMO). I think children have the capacity to appreciate the prevalence of death and darkness in the world and it's probably not good for their emotional development if parents try to overly insulate them from that...Like maybe children are stronger and more mature and more intuitively aware of how the world really works than they are commonly given credit for? In Brave New World, Helmholtz insists on being banished to an island with terrible weather, on the grounds that it will be better for his writing
  9. There's also this second quiz to try: http://www.yourpersonality.net/relstructures/
  10. Hah. That guy really likes Oak trees. Well, I guess being old and ravaged, but still clinging on somehow, is part of the 'ideal oak tree' aesthetic? That's all I got @DeltaV ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  11. There's a broader context with that image than just 'tree' though. Like, why link it with an abbey? With a graveyard? There's also an interesting ambiguity there: are we watching a sunrise or a sunset? With the suggestion perhaps: are we looking at things whose time has passed, or things whose time may come again? Perhaps it's the richness of the interplay of the components and the ideas they suggest that generates the aesthetics here, rather than the components by themselves? A bit like how in Chinese, by combining base symbols in different ways, very different meta-meanings can emerge. Haha, I'm not much of an art critic, but that's what I got from it.
  12. @aro_elise sounds like an interesting topic . Actually, reading the thread again, a connection occurred to me between what is considered beautiful, what is considered natural and the concept of freedom. I'd not put the three together before, but, freedom in the positive sense strikes me as something's freedom to express its ideal nature or form. And Plato seems to connect that with ideas of aesthetic beauty. So, like, an "ideal tree" might be the tree that gets enough water and sunlight and nutriments, such that it is most fully expressing its "tree nature". As such, we see it as more aesthetically beautiful - and more free - than a sickly tree kept in relative darkness, or poor quality or dry soil, for example. So, self love might be seen as our wish for ouselves to be as beautiful, natural and free as we can be and the three are all bound together and somehow different aspects of the same underlying whole? Well, I was going to mention Plato's Symposium, but sounds from that like you've already read it!
  13. In general I'd say some probable candidates would be: avoidant personality disorder schizoid personality disorder social anxiety (severe) autism asperger syndrome But don't we have to make a distinction here between, on the one hand, lack of intrinsic desire to make efforts to enter into romantic relationships (i.e. aromanticism) and, on the other hand, a lack of success at actually entering into them - despite making efforts to? For example, someone on the autism spectrum might struggle with the sort of social protocols that are typically followed to realise romantic relationships. But, I've heard of examples where such people were strongly motivated to get into romantic relationships and so invested a lot of time into trying to learn these sorts of protocols - to the extent that they eventually succeeded romantically. Me, on the other hand (possible mild aspergers): I realised at some point that I just don't care enough to learn and practice these things So, I don't think anything in your list could create aromanticism (aside from the first two, arguably), as I think the base desire to get into romantic relationships is completely logically separate from any psychological hurdles that would make this more difficult. But all of them could probably be mistaken for it, yes (as per the title of the thread).
  14. I was also quite interested in how under-represented we cis-males were in your survey @running.tally - it looked like about 1-2% only from your pie chart? Unfortunately, in cis-male hetero-normative culture, I think there's still a lot of resistance to association with anything whatsoever that might be seen as 'gay' - as is explored in this youtube video, for example. So, yeah, there would be both a) less awareness of those communities and b) reluctance towards any initial explorative engagement with them. I think there's still somewhat of a perception amongst cis-males that one must be either 'all-in' or not engaged at all (100% 'straight' or 100% 'gay') but that any blurring of those categories is not really acceptable. Yes, I also think this is a big factor. An aromantic man might just see themselves as 'normal, default man' as opposed to something unusual that might prompt them to seek out a distinct community and/or identity. Not sure if you've seen this thread yet @running.tally? You might find it interesting in terms of exploring some potential reasons for lack of cis-male participation in your survey.
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