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NullVector

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About NullVector

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  • Gender
    male
  • Pronouns
    male ones
  • Romanticism
    probably aro
  • Sexuality
    hetero

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  1. Maybe Spanish and English are too similar languages (?), but I did some googling and came across this recent study that compared the brains of Chinese and English speakers and found significant observable differences. Dunno if it sheds any light on the gender question tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  2. Hmm, I don't think so. Several of the things you wrote are things I would like with friends, particularly this one: Most of the things you wrote about seem more common in close childhood frienships? Our culture does seem to make an assumption that these types of relationships are okay for children, but that we will "grow out of them" at some point and replace them with romantic relationships as adults. I've never understood that assumption and it seems to me to result in a lot of lonely adults (even in the case of adults who are allo-romantic and are in a romantic relationsip at the time, but especially on other cases)
  3. @Anon95 Just wondering if you're aware that it's possible to be aromantic and NOT be asexual? IME, a lot of people come across the concept of aromanticism as part of the asexual community / AVEN and assume the two are linked somewhat; but they don't have to be. A couple of things you wrote make me think that you might be aromantic but not asexual. Specifically this: and this: Sex and kissing aren't inherently romantic IMO, although a lot of cultural messaging implies or assumes they are. Maybe you would want to try these things for real, but just not in the context of a romantic relationship and that is where some of your conflicting feelings towards them are coming from? Just something to consider (myself, I used to be somewhat touch-averse, but found that when I experienced touch more in non-romantic contexts, I got to like it) We were also just talking in this other thread about how the challenges figuring out aro identities are different for aro ace and aro allo people. Maybe that would be of interest as well? Good luck figuring out your identity
  4. Princess Unikitty in the Lego movie is also a fun example of it Ugh, yes, being a Man™️ can be annoying like that. So constraining...
  5. Well, I'm 'straight', in the sense of being a man who's sexually attracted to just women, and for me it's basically like you described. Bingo. I'm basically left feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I'm a heterosexual who doesn't like heterosexual relationship norms, but would feel out of place in queer spaces because of my sexuality. So, too queer for straight relationships and too straight for queer spaces ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  6. @nonmerci "femme" is a lesbian identity: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femme (and yes, it comes from the French word for woman )
  7. Yeah, I think we'll likely lack some degree of empathy in this context almost by definition. Empathy means literally something like "feeling in/into"; it implies to me some kind of resonance of your feelings with the feelings of the person you're empathising with. Whatever "resonance" an aromantic can generate for the feeling of romantic heartbreak is never going to be as accurate as what an allo-romantic empathiser can generate here, so we'll always fall short in terms of "raw" empathy, IMO. We might be able to compensate in other ways? But I think it means we need to be extra careful when responding to allo-romantics, as we're more likely to make mistakes because our empathy "machinery" won't be well calibrated in this context. I think I've made mistakes because of this in the past. I've tried to apologise where I thought I did; but I'm personally not super proud of everything I've ever written here in response to allo-romantics.
  8. Welcome! I personally find the word "love" is incredibly unhelpful in this context. It's too broad/blanket a term, it doesn't properly capture the required emotional nuances and different means of expression. Other cultures can break this down more in ways that are quite helpful, IMO. I find the Greek terms eros, philia, agage helpful in your context. I reckon you can be 100% aromantic and feel and want to express philia and agape (friendly affection towards others and unconditionally wishing the best for them, respectively) very strongly, but not want to go all-in (or in at all!) with eros, in the way that an allo-romantic person would. I find our culture (your "the world") highly confused on this point to be honest. Like it can't wrap its head around the idea of physical affection being expressed outside of the context of a romantic relationship. Like it wants to put all physical affection into the romantic relationship "box". I think that's where your sense of there being a conflict between being "loving" and being "aromantic" is coming from: If you re-interpret "loving" in terms of concepts like philia and agape (or, say, metta, karuna and mudita from the Buddhist tradition) then I find that the conflict disappears. Hope that helps
  9. Just wanted to respond in solidarity that if this kind of labelling as "bad representation" happens to you (or anyone else) then I think it's super messed up . The idea of an LGBT+ community actually shaming people just for how they experience attraction, instead of supporting them, strikes me as so blatantly contrary to everything that movement is meant to stand for (i.e. supporting and empowering people who experience attraction and/or want to practice consensual adult relationships differently to the mainstream).
  10. I haven't known anyone get into a relationship like this (including myself). So, no, not common IME.
  11. Well, I had to check the maths. Assuming he dropped 10 petals into the hat for a 10 digit phone number, that would make 10x9x8x7x6x5x4x3x2 possible permutations, which is (approximately) 3.6 million, like she said 👍 But if some of the digits were the same it would be less than that, so her statement is a bit imprecise in the sense that she only gave an upper bound on the permutations that result in a distinct number, which is what's relevant here 👎
  12. I'm pretty introverted and enjoy it in small, irregular doses, but find it takes a lot out of me. I wonder if aromanticism fits extroverts more naturally than introverts? Or, does it not matter too much and they each come with their own set of challenges? This is the most painful aspect of it IME. Friendship communities built up over years disintegrating as people move to take new jobs, etc.
  13. I think you're right. I should have taken more time and care with my reply. That part about not taking aromanticism to mean that the relationship "never meant anything" to him in particular. I wasn't meaning to imply that I thought @Inez saw things in those terms. Just that someone might think something like that in a similar context; whereas the meaning for aromantic people could be felt as different but not lesser to the meaning for romantic people. But I think it was clumsily worded. Sorry @Inez
  14. No, sorry. But I wanted to pick up on this: Why? If you've realised that your partner experiences their emotions based around attraction somewhat differently to you and recently encountered a label that captures some aspects of that difference, then why should that discovery be "devastating"? I don't know the details of your relationship, but I presume that it's functional on some level if you've remained partners for 13 years and raised 3 kids together? If people with quite different inner worlds are able to do that kind of interpersonal bridging then personally I think it's neat. Why should finding a word that captures some aspects of how his inner world differs from yours now challenge or threaten what you've built together? Him being aromantic (if he is) IMO certainly shouldn't be taken by you to mean that the relationship "never meant anything" to him. It might be that his experience of its meaning would be different to yours. But I would expect that to be true of any relationship and more a cause for celebration (that we can relate to each other despite our differences) than concern.
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