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About NullVector

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    Advanced Member

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    male ones
  • Romanticism
    probably aro
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  1. I like how you put this. I think it's also often the case that aromantics who aren't aware of their own identity/label can be alienated from their own friendship heartbreak. They might feel like they would be being silly or overreacting by fully acknowledging it (for 'just a friend'). When you're partly suppressing your own feelings and nobody else seems outwardly accepting of them as valid, then they might not seem real even to you? (if you think something shouln't exist, and everyone seems to be saying that it doesn't exist, you might manage to convince yourself that you arent really feeling what you're feeling)
  2. NullVector

    Early signs that you were aro

    @eatingcroutons what was the 'context' you were referring to? I reckon most people (i.e allo-romantics) would find the statement that personal happiness derives exclusively from a romantic relationship to be a bit extreme. But, at the same time, I think they would also find it difficult to envision themselves living a fulfilling life without a romantic relationship being incorporated as a key component of that vision. This is where I think you and I (and others on these forums) are quite different from most people: it's not a key component for us. Thinking in terms of Maslov's hierarchy of needs: I suspect many allo-romantics see romantic relationships as a non-negotiable requirement for meeting their 'belonging/love' related needs adequately. Whereas an aromantic could meet those same needs just fine with friendships and family relationships only.
  3. NullVector

    Grey-Aro? Aro? I don’t know

    Hi there @Gaby. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time at the moment. I know from my own experience that an 'identity crisis' is a tough thing to go through, so I can empathise. To be honest, I felt mostly relief when I came across the concept of aromanticism. Relief knowing that other people shared some of my feelings and were already making choices and living in ways that weren't aligned so closely with amatonormative expectations. As I read your post, it occurred to me that this might be the root of your resistance to integrating some of your recent revelations back into an updated self-identity? But I don't think accepting an aromantic identity would mean accepting aloneness. I get that it's scary if a ton of cultural messaging reinforces a false dichotomy: EITHER romantic relationships OR aloneness. But I think many people on these forums find this not to be true. I don't feel alone; I have friends, I have family. I'd like more emotional and intellectually close frienships, it's true (and for me, ideally sexual friendships); but this is something I'm working on actively cultivating, so I don't despair about its impossibility. The future can be scary, especially if you don't have a ready made map from your culture leading to personal fulfilment (career, marriage, kids, picket-fences, etc.), but this can also be quite freeing. You've got the freedom to think outside of an amatonormative 'box' and make your own map. A better map, as it's made for you personally, by you personally. What's your current situation, if you don't mind me asking? How old are you? Do you have family and/or friends you would feel comfortable confideing in? Generally I'd say: don't panic, take your time, take some deep breaths and allow some of the confusion to settle over the next few days. We'll be here on the forums in case you have any particular questions. I really hope some of that was useful...
  4. I haven't, but as an aro sci-fi fan I will probably go check it out now. Thanks for the recommendation!
  5. NullVector

    What Are Your Favorite LGBT+ YouTube Channels?

    Been watching a lot of Natalie Wynn a.k.a. Contrapoints recently (thanks YouTube algorithm! ). Her videos are smart, funny and have great production values, IMO. She doesn't talk about aro/ace though (at least, not so far)
  6. NullVector

    Good day!

    Cool. What languages do you speak?
  7. NullVector

    Good day!

    Hi @Matryoshka, welcome to arocalypse! What subject was your degree?
  8. @Miro your post reminds me of some things other people here have said. You might like this thread.
  9. Does breaking up or getting divorced also make you happier? (I mean, it's not as if those aren't common outcomes of romantic relationships - so these are maybe not the most reliable path to stable, long-term happiness!). Also, what makes the average person happy has no bearing on what would (or worse 'ought') to make an individual happy. Most people aren't aromantic. It wouldn't surprise me if the average allo-romantic person was measurably happier in a romantic relationship than not in one. But, for aromantics, the opposite wouldn't surprise me! So, the studies, even if methodologically and empirically valid, would be irrelevant for aromantics.
  10. NullVector

    Real friends with benefits are a rarity

    So, how did you get to know one another?
  11. NullVector

    Aromantic Moments

    I think the issue with 'cheating' is that there has been an (implicit or explicit) agreement made to have a monogamous relationship. So it's a breach of trust if one of the partners breaks that agreement. An open relationship is completely different to 'cheating' IMO. If it has been discussed and agreed that those are the terms of the relationship then 'seeing other people' isn't 'cheating' i.e. breaking the rules of an agreement. It's playing by those rules - by definition it's playing fairly and not cheating! I agree that monogamy is essentially arbitrary and don't see why something true of friendship (you can have more than one friend at once) shouldn't be true of sexual relationships more often. People should feel more free to discuss and adopt the type of relationship they actually want and not just assume a standard template. Tangentially, it's interesting to speculate on what the reasons for the 'standard template' could be. I was doing that here a while ago.
  12. NullVector

    Aromantic Character Headcanons

    Can you elaborate? What is it that you hate about it?
  13. Interesting... I guess @Tagor's 'theory' about how people discover marginalised identities would predict it. I'm not familiar with the Aven site at all - anyone here know of any data on male:female membership ratio for it?
  14. Yeah, I think you're probably right @Tagor. Also, women talk a lot more about their emotions than men in general, I reckon; romance being just one aspect of that. Conversely, a man might get the idea that he is unusually romantic and none of his friends are particularly romantic, as they hardly ever talk about their romantic feelings (even if they have them). Similarly, if he isn't particularly romantic himself, he may grow up thinking that he is perfectly normal in this regard i.e. think that his male friends don't talk about romantic feelings because they also don't have them (rather than because of make socialization and gendered expectations, which strikes me as a much more likely explanation). So it might take him far longer to come to the conclusion that he is unusual in some way and explore aromanticism. I actually don't think men are inherently any less romantic than women. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if they were inherently more romantic! And if women were instead evolutionarily biased to take more 'pragmatic' factors into consideration when selecting mates (with pregnancy being a short-term survival risk, it could be comparatively more important for women to (probably sub-consciously) take such 'un-romantic' factors as men's social status into account when selecting sexual partners?)
  15. NullVector

    How various sexualities view aro

    I guess it depends how strictly you define 'astrology'. The article mentions that: Well, it's not really clear from that if they considered celestial bodies to have a direct , ongoing influence over terrestrial events and/or the fates of people; let alone a formal system for working these out. I can't see examples of either in the article itself, but it also wouldn't surprise me if there were such examples recorded elsewhere (as in: it's not such a big jump from 'religious and/or mythological meaning' to 'influences my life and events around me').