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Everything posted by Holmbo

  1. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Seems they missed this study http://time.com/4809325/friends-friendship-health-family/
  2. I'm sorry you have to go through that. My first instinct was to urge you to confront your friend about his hypocritical behavior, asking him how he'd feel if someone would tell him that his orientation is just something to fix. But then I realized that might not be what you want. I've long had the reflection that aros concerns don't necessarily have that much in common with other parts of the LGBT+ movement. If I ever make an aro group IRL I think I'll try to make it a more general one of "people who're not into romance".
  3. The first book I read was Chameleon Moon by Rosanna Sylver. Unfortunately the database was unclear that it was actually the second book in the series that contained an aro character. So I spent the whole read through thinking Who is it! The book was enjoyable in some ways but too mysterious for me It's about some people with kinda x-men powers who are trapped in a burning city. After that I read Hullmetal girls by Emily Skrutskie which takes place on a fleet of generation ships. The story follows two young women who sign up to be surgically enhanced into war machines. This one I liked. It went darker then I expected though. The aromanticism is not a huge part of the story but one of the women is explicitly aro ace. Then I'm currently reading Novis by Rachel Tonks Hill. This one I'm torn about because I really like the aro content but I find the rest of the plot pretty boring. It's mainly about killing alien monsters it seems. I have only read a bit more than half way through.
  4. Recently I've been using the Aromantic and asexual characters database to find books with explicitly aromantic characters. Have anyone else used this guide and how did you like the books you found through it? Any recommendations or warnings?
  5. I would 🙂 Though I'd rather you write them here as comments
  6. When I read here online it seems everyone has different habits about how often they tell other people they are aromantic, and in what way. I personally almost never tell anyone, because I feel like the topic rarely come up. But lately I've been thinking about maybe bringing it up more often in casual conversations. Because it could help introduce people to the concept, and it would also make me more likely to find fellow aros. Do you ever take aro visibility into account when you decide who to come out to? Do you use the term aromantic? Or do you talk more in general terms about uninterested in romantic relationship.
  7. I think that's a good way to start. Ask if she knows about QPR and how she feels about the concept in general.
  8. I understand how you must be feeling. Siblings are such an important part of life. I think though that sibling relationships will change a lot during a lifetime, it will not always be the same. I agree with @eatingcroutons that you should try not to feel about about hanging out with her together with her partner. If you feel like the third wheel, make a lot of inside jokes with her so he feels like the third wheel instead! No, just kidding. Maybe if you try to think of her partner as your friend, separate from her it would help? You can try to find if there are any things you have in common that you don't have with your sister and try to make a connection with that.
  9. I think most people have somewhat conflicting feelings about what they want in their life, not just us aromantics. Or we feel that we want something when maybe we don't actually want it (or only sometimes). Personally, sometimes when I lay awake at night I think about how nice it would be to have another person to snuggle up against, but in reality I know that I don't like that at all. Their breath gets all in your face or you have no space to move around! I don't know if that adds anything useful to the conversation but I thought it's somewhat related.
  10. Maybe don't worry that much about labels at this point. If you want to hang out more with R you can do so without having to know exactly what you're feelings are.
  11. @hermi1e that sounds like a good story arch. Not cliché at all. I suppose the main cliché to watch out for with aro ace characters is that they can't love. Or that their lack of romantic or sexual desires is due to some past trauma. So try to make clear that's not the case.
  12. This seems like a cool project. I just came across the blogger so I don't know anything about her. But I've been thinking about reading more aro books. https://jellyfable.weebly.com/a-spec-april.html#
  13. I see, sometimes I tend to just extrapolate from peoples posts because I don't have a lot to say about the question itself I've never experienced what you're describing. But, on the other hand, I have three siblings. I suppose the closest I've come to it is to kinda want to experience pregnancy and thinking about maybe having a baby for another person. But in reality I would never do it.
  14. I also thought of adoption. I'm sure there are older kids in need of a home. Though, don't adopt one just to get a heir
  15. I've read all the Twilight books more than once.
  16. I've decided to try to start a meetup group in Nyköping, Sweden, dedicated to people who don't desire romantic relationships. I'm not aiming it specifically to aros, since most people don't know about it. I live in a fairly small town so I don't know if anyone will join but I'm curious to at least give it a try. Does anyone have tips for a fun yet informative name I could give this group?
  17. I'm a gray ace. For all practical purposes asexual though I don't feel the term fits me since I do feel sexual attraction at times and I'm positive to sexual activities. I've not really thought much about the asexual community. Like others have posted, my aromantic identity feels so much more important and I've not participated in any ace-forum or spaces. But reading this comment really got me thinking about how it would feel to be a alloromantic asexual and I realized how incredibly hard it must be to communicate to most people that romantic feelings doesn't equal sexual ones. For aro allosexuals at least there's a general understanding that people can experience sexual attraction without romantic (even though acting on it can be frowned upon). So for many aces just getting the knowledge out to people that it is possible to feel romantic attraction and attachments without the sexual is probably their major concern. Getting knowledge of the split attraction model out there is for good for aro aces aswell, since it gets people to actually realize there's a romantic orientation at all. But I don't think it's as interesting for us as for allo aces. To get back to your original post @Cristal Gris why do you think it is that you feel more alienated by allo ace people than by aro allos? And what are you missing from the aro community that you'd like to get in the ace?
  18. Nice to see some allos are catching on.
  19. @ApatheticEchidna totally agree! Overall I dislike critizising any initiative or group (unless they do something openly hurtful of course) If one doesn't feel that group is inclusive, start your own group. Instead of just sitting back expecting someone else to do the work.
  20. I feel for you and I wish I could offer some advice but I don't have any experience with internet friendships. To me it seems like those are always so fickle. Do you meet them anything IRL?
  21. That is how I too use to feel, and might again in the future. But right now I'm more longing to settle down, to really put my roots down and commit to something. I'm just not sure what that something is. If I was allo it would be a partner, because that's what society tells us, to put romantic relationship above all else. But I don't have any desire for a romantic (or platonic either) life-partner. I suppose I just long for one aspect in my life that I don't question. Something I can feel, whatever else I do with my life, I want it to include this. Now, this makes me sound like I think committed romantic relationship is some kind of heaven. I don't mean that. I just like the commitment aspect of them at the moment.
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