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Holmbo

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About Holmbo

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Personal Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    she
  • Location
    Nykรถping, Sweden
  • Occupation
    Urban planner
  • Romanticism
    Aro
  • Sexuality
    Gray ace

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  1. That is how I too use to feel, and might again in the future. But right now I'm more longing to settle down, to really put my roots down and commit to something. I'm just not sure what that something is. If I was allo it would be a partner, because that's what society tells us, to put romantic relationship above all else. But I don't have any desire for a romantic (or platonic either) life-partner. I suppose I just long for one aspect in my life that I don't question. Something I can feel, whatever else I do with my life, I want it to include this. Now, this makes me sound like I think committed romantic relationship is some kind of heaven. I don't mean that. I just like the commitment aspect of them at the moment.
  2. I have had a reflection about my experience as an aromantic lately that I find hard putting into words. I'm just gonna write something and see if it makes some kind of coherent whole. You know how we sometimes talk about the relationship escalator the majority of society subscribe to? Here's a quick definition I stole from a website: "The goal at the top of the Escalator is to achieve a permanently monogamous (sexually and romantically exclusive between two people), cohabitating marriage โ€” legally sanctioned if possible. In many cases, buying a house and having kids is also part of the goal. Partners are expected to remain together at the top of the Escalator until death. " I think for many people it's also a comfort to have a specific aim in life and a guideline for when you're "expected" to make certain life decisions. And most would never dream of doing things "in the wrong order" for example having a child or committing to a home long term, before a romantic partner. I feel though that for Aros (or really anyone who've jumped off this imagine escalator) things gets more complicated because you open up for the potential of doing anything you feel like at any moment. For example for me, I could have a child now if I wanted (not right now of course, but in 9 months). All I'd have to do is to find a healthy male willing to give me some sperm. I have a solid economy, permanent employment with a good salary, a home that's big enough for two, and Sweden offer very good maternity leave and subsidized day care. Now, I don't actually think I want children, not badly enough to give up on other things. But the knowledge that I could have one makes me feel like I'm actively making a decision not to. An allo person would not even consider having to make that choice while single. And I think about a lot of other life choices too, like I long to "settle down" in a home I could see myself living in for a long time. I have thoughts about my career as well. In some ways it would be so much easier to frame it all around the search for monogamy. If I was alloromantic all my focus would probably be to find "the one" and everything else would have to be on hold for that. Then I would have to adapt all my life choices to that person. I might feel a bit of sadness about possibilities I'd have to give up, but we're all told to prioritize romantic love and the nuclear family so I'd get plenty of encouragement that I was making the right choices. I love being aro for the most part, but lately I have been having these types of lost feelings. Maybe I'm just longing for having a clearer sets of priorities in my life. Anyways, that's my rambling. Feel free to add any of your own reflections more or less related to mine
  3. Holmbo

    Hey, I'm new

    Welcome! ๐Ÿ’š
  4. Holmbo

    Allow personals/dating requests?

    That's my thought too. I find it a little weird though that aro people would feel the need to "date". I thought most aros viewed their relationships more in the term of relationship anarchy. So the idea to interact with a stranger with a specific relationship goal from the start seems strange. Wouldn't a general request to find aros who live nearby or who want to be pen pals suffice?
  5. Holmbo

    A good friend

    Good question ๐Ÿ˜• I think when there's mental health issues involved it's best to be even more... stubborn. Like you wrote, unless the person outright says they don't want you to reach out, keep doing it. I suppose you could make sure to give them an out. Tell them to let you know if you're not the person they want to open up to, and no hard feelings. But maybe some of our other posters can join in about their personal experience of depression and how they want friends to act about it.
  6. That's a good point. This is a thought I often come back to with aromanticism, that it's not just a topic for LGBT+ community. So many people in general could benefit from a more nuanced understanding of attraction and different types of relationships.
  7. Holmbo

    A good friend

    Yeah, I too think it's hard to keep some kinda hard rule on the ratio of initiative. I know so many people who go with the principle of: I've invited this person over once so now it's their turn. Or that reached out to an aquintance like twice and then gave up. If I like hanging out with someone I will invite them over as many times as I feel like. And keep doing it even if they say no. All to a decent limit of course. If it's clear someone doesn't want to be friends I'll stop. But sometimes you have to put yourself out there.
  8. Holmbo

    I'm really confused

    I totally always thought I had "high standards" as teen and young adult. It wasn't until I met a guy who I really connected with personally and found attractive but still didn't feel any romantic feelings for, that I thought "wait a minute, there's something very strange going on here"
  9. Holmbo

    Aromantic activism Poll

    Great poll question! I thought a while about what to pick and it was interesting to read others reasoning. I ended up picking visibility in media because, as other commentors have said, there are so many people who doesn't know aro even exists. The LGBT+ community can be one path to find out about it. But many people (aro allos in particular) might not even consider that they're not "straight". I also think that more aro characters in media would be beneficial for society as a whole. We are so focused on romance as the ultimate type of relationship and because of this people neglect their friends and become lonely and isolated. Or stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel it's so tied to their sense of self worth.
  10. Advertising of aro related things are always welcomed here, at least by me ๐Ÿ˜„ The web comic heartless is really well drawn and has an aro ace protagonist. It's even a central plot point to the story. http://heartless-comic.com/
  11. Well put. Also, many allo aros doesn't want casual sex with strangers but rather comitted non exclusive sexual relationships and those are pretty much non existent in media.
  12. I'm not sure I understand your topic. Maybe you could elaborate? Also, I thought stacy was just a term incels used? I've learned about it when I got that fenomen described but I've never seen it used in any other context.
  13. Holmbo

    You might be aro if...

    YMBAI if you as a child were weirded out by childless couples since clearly the only purpose of marriage was to have children.
  14. Holmbo

    Combined Movie/Film/TV Show Thread

    Sounds intriguing ๐Ÿ˜„
  15. Holmbo

    Combined Movie/Film/TV Show Thread

    And now.. let's do a poll with all the different content and decide which is the official media of arocalypse!
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