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About Holmbo

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    Advanced Member

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    Nyköping, Sweden
  • Occupation
    Urban planner
  • Romanticism
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    Gray ace

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  1. Last year someone posted about this webcomic Heartless. It was still ongoing then and now it's finished so I think it deserves another mention. I think it's a really cool idea on how to use ace and aro to create worldbuilding and the story.
  2. Holmbo


    In one study they had participants do meditation exercises for a few weeks, while a control group did some other exercise. In another they had people reflect over a moment they felt grateful. So it's not any revolutionary exercises. In the episode they talked about daily meditation or trying to think of something you're grateful for everyday. To take pride in small accomplishments. In general being aware of when we feel positive feelings and trying to express them to others.
  3. Holmbo


    I listen occasionally to a podcast called The science of success and they had this really interesting episode about willpower. I found myself wanting to really sum it up so I'll post it here as a tiny self-help/lifehack themed post The episode has an interview with a Dr David Desteno who's researched willpower. The way we usually think about willpower is that it's about suppressing wants an emotions. We really want to eat an ice-cream but we force ourself not to, or we really don't want to clean the house but we make ourself do it. According to Desteno this strategy can be effective, but it puts a stress on us, it takes energy to fight against our emotions. We're less likely to succeed if we're already stressed, or tired. A better way to succeed is to strengthen emotions that does make us want to do the right things. When one look at problems of willpower it's about the battle of short term vs long term gain. It's about being able to delay a reward for a bigger one long term, or do something unpleasant now in order to gain from it later. According to Desteno, when you look at it from a evolutionary perspective most of the delaying of gratification would be in context of human relationships. When you live in a small tribe who's survival depends on cooperation, those who cannot put the good of the group above their own needs at times is not welcome. Those who do not help someone else does not get help when they need it. So humans evolved emotions that made us want to do act in a way that benefits us long term, such as compassion, gratefulness or pride. The episode goes into studies that show people who spent time cultivating those emotions are more likely to choose long term gain over short term. Not because they force themselves to do it, but rather because their emotions drives them to it.
  4. Holmbo


    I feel like the big problem for most of those people are not really the lack of sex but rather the loneliness and isolation they seem to feel. I don't know that the aro community could offer any relief in that. Most of them seem to want a romantic relationship. But maybe there could be some help for them to separate sex, romantic feelings and intimacy in their minds. The best way forward for many of them would probably be to put all their effort into cultivating stronger, more intimate friendships. That way they would have someone to talk to about these feelings, and help trying to figure out what they want from life and how they can aim there.
  5. Holmbo

    Aro-themed blog post

    Great text. I've never thought about how a lack of words for aromantic feelings could be an asset. You have the opportunity to write something that has never been said before. I agree that many people could relate to the feeling of alienation or being different. I also think that even allo people can sometimes worry about not feeling enough romantic love. The might wish that they had romantic feelings for someone they don't or feel guilty about putting a friend above a romantic partner. So maybe aro feelings could be relatable in such instances too.
  6. Holmbo

    ingen kommer här fram, här fram...

    @Spirit of God it's Swedish. Part of an old rhyme that got stuck in my head. So I thought I'd post it to see if any swedes would respond 🙂
  7. Holmbo

    A Million Dollars But...

    Sure, as long as I could use my own money for nonessential things. A million dollars but you could never sleep indoors again.
  8. förrän han säger sin kärestas namn, vad heter han?
  9. Holmbo

    Another Aromantic Test

    I got stuck filling it in. Most alternatives didn't fit for me.
  10. Me too 😄 Then I met someone who was like perfect on paper. And I thought, huh that's weird.
  11. Holmbo

    How do you dream?

    I don't remember that many of my dreams these days. A few years ago I remembered more. Then I would often start my dream as an observer, often dreaming about an event from a book or a movie. Then as the dream progressed I'd suddenly be in it.
  12. Holmbo

    Art Thread

    Sure You're right about two out of three. The third one is George RR Martin. I have no ancient philosophers on the board I'm afraid. The oldest one is from 1847
  13. Welcome! Maybe you'll enjoy this thread
  14. Holmbo

    Hello everyone

    I realize now I gave you the wrong kind. It's supposed to be the green ice cream That's more aro theme