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About Holmbo

Personal Information

  • Gender
  • Pronouns
  • Location
    Nyköping, Sweden
  • Occupation
    Urban planner
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality
    Gray ace

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  1. Holmbo

    Aro playlist

    I made a playlist from the songs suggested I don't really have many suggestions myself as I mostly listen to instrumental music. Maybe U + Ur Hand - Pink
  2. Holmbo

    The thinking asexual

    @Apathetic Echidna I too think of it as a spectrum. Many people might not know which side they fall on, and they might never know. There's no purpose in doing some kinda clear cut divide.
  3. Holmbo

    You might be aro if...

    Which book was it? 😍
  4. I'm sure that many readers already know well of this blog but since new people join all the time I thought it could be worth mentioning it. I see that this has already been somewhat discussed in the thread our attitudes to aven I feel like it plays an important role in aro invisibility because most times I google aromanticism it comes up in the results and I've read many interesting and well formulated thoughts on there. It's no longer active and the author has a disclaimer that they have changed some of their views from those expressed there but I think many of those post will still feel current for aros for many years to come. For example, today I read Water is Wet, Everybody Dies, and Romantic People Suck at Friendship which after lead me to another article Romance is not love. I don't share every experience as described but I do identify strongly with some of it. What are your thoughts of this blog?
  5. Some of my thoughts: Legal contracts of friendship Marriage comes with a lot of legal benefits and protection. I'm not gonna list it all because I'm sure it varies a lot from country to country (for example in the US a spouse has much more rights and obligations after a divorce than they do in Sweden). If a pair of friends were allowed similar rights it would be a protection for people who value strong friendship over romantic relationships. There could also be other types of rights for friendships, like the right to take time of work to care for a sick friend or for close friends to be considered immediate family in different situations. More inclusive child care Many people experience a drop in friendship after having children. The time and energy to take care of a newborn or toddler leaves little energy for other things. There are also societal expectations that parents (women especially) should put the needs of their child above everything else. But what if we could enlarge the view of caretakers to include more people? Maybe everyone could be allowed a few days a year of parental leave for friends. So if your best friend had a baby you could take some time to help them and bond with the child yourself. Also friends should be allowed to take sick leave for each others children. If someone has a really important day at work in their kid is sick a friend could step in and take a day of to help them out. To widen the circle of people seen as care taker of a child would lessen the burden on the parents and create stronger emotional bonds between friends. This could also help promote gender equality by taking pressure of women to always prioritize their child, and women are more often single parents which would benefit even more from extra help. I've focused primarily on legal aspects but of course there's tons of cultural aspects that could matter too. Like friendships being given more room in media. In what way do you think society could be improved to better accommodate strong and lasting friendships?
  6. ...that changed your romantic or sexual orientation in any way you wanted, would you do it? I think I would change my sexual orientation. Right now I'm positive to sex but I feel little sexual attraction and when I do feel it I can't really act on it because it usually goes away quickly. I suppose if I got to choose I'd be pansexual as to have all the options My romantic orientation I'd not change. I'm a very logical person who likes to make my decisions based on reason, falling in love sounds like a really unpleasant experience of loosing control. And then I'd suddenly want to be with this person day and night? Ugh, no thank you.
  7. Holmbo

    You might be aro if...

    YMBAI you read a book that ends with a romantic couple breaking up but starting friends and you think What a happy ending.
  8. Holmbo

    I'm not good at writing introductions

    Hi Tommy Your intro is great, don't worry about it. Welcome to the forum.
  9. I think romantic love was common in all societies of all times, but amatonormativity was not. I don't read much historical texts but I like reading historical fiction and it's interesting when the author captures the view of relationships. For example in Kan Follet's Fall of Giants, which takes place before and during WWI, two of the female characters both fall in love and get pregnant by men that then abandons them. Each of the women finds another man who loves them and even though they don't love them back, or even find them particularly attractive, they marry them because they know they will treat them well and help take care of their child. This might seem sad to people in a modern audience (where romantic love and sexual satisfaction is held as the highest of bliss) but to these women it was clearly the right choice in their situations and they seem to be relatively satisfied with their lives, certainly much more than they would have had they ended up with the lovers of their youths. I think historically theses kind of practical aspects of a marriage was much more important. At least to women, maybe men could afford the luxury of marrying for romantic love, unless they were noble and had to marry for political alliances.
  10. Very good questions! Here's my take on them Do you think it's important to talk about romantic orientations as well as sexual ones? Do you feel like this is necessary but only within the context of being a-spec, as our experiences tend to be more varied? Yes I think so. It might actually be more important outside a-spec and the LGBT+ community, because there are certainly a lot of varioriented people there who don't even realize it. If someone is heterosexual and cis-gendered they probably won't even realize there are any other kind of variations and maybe struggle with understanding their emotions of for example romantic feelings for a friend, or lack of romantic love for a life partner. To understand that many people (maybe even all on some level) are on the spectrum of different scales of sexuality, romance etc could help them understand their experiences. Do you think that it would also be nice if people acknowledged kinds of orientations that are not sexual or romantic more often? I don't often think about such orientations myself so I suppose it doesn't matter much for me. But I suppose as @ladyasym wrote it could be a way to get beyond the sex-normativity of our society. Do you feel comfortable as an aro in spaces that are "for asexual people and also aromantic I guess"? I've never really tried participating in such a space. I did create an account on aven a while ago but found nothing of interest when browsing around. So my experience is more that I'm not interested in that I've tried to participate and been shunned. I could see that maybe there would be a conflict between ace and aro spaces because in a sense an Ace-romo and a aro-allo is really the exact oposite to each other. I think it would be hard for them to find much to relate to in each other (beyond the general view that society needs to be less normative but that's something that can be shared between most social issue groups). Do you feel like your experience as an aro is acknowledged/included within other orientation communities (eg. lesbian, pansexual, asexual), or within LGBTQIAPN+/IMOGA/queer communities, if you participate/lurk at those kinds of spaces? I've not participated much in such spaces either. I feel kinda similar about LGBT+ comunities as I do about ace. That people participating their might not necessarily have more in common with someone aro. For example I have several friends who are lesbians and our concerns are very different. They are all in, or looking for, committed romantic relationships and thinking about the logistics of having children.
  11. Holmbo

    Nice aro merch

    Just bought a t-shirt now I almost never buy customized merch for anything so it feels extra special. I liked the design a lot and also that it's kinda ambiguous. If anyone else know about aromanticism they'll get it but otherwise probably not. I prefer that over wearing some kind of text statement.
  12. Holmbo

    Writing Thread

    I often write drafts or brainstorms on paper and then on computer. Mostly I write either forum posts or articles about urban planning. I'd like to write fiction too but I have a hard time getting into it.
  13. Holmbo

    Sharing Creations

    There's also this thread a bit below http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1383-art-thread/
  14. Longbow aro 🙂 https://www.redbubble.com/people/foxflight/works/32016679-longbow-aro?c=877877-the-orientation-armory
  15. Holmbo

    Wanting internet friends

    Maybe you can find a context where you get to know someone without having to make small talk. Like if you join some weekly meetup.