Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


1 Follower

About Tumblrweed

  • Rank
  • Birthday 06/23/1994

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Gender
  • Pronouns
  • Location
    Moves around.
  • Occupation
    Freelance translation
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality

Recent Profile Visitors

1,121 profile views
  1. Where will we go? Who will we be?
  2. Don't the children (our future) matter to you?
  3. If it wasn't through Tumblr, it was probably by searching on Google for an online community and other aromantic resources for myself.
  4. I had two friends in college that had an on-off close friendship. It was on-off because one was a really popular guy who a lot of girls at school liked, and the other was this low empathy girl that the girls would say nasty things about because of her relationship to this guy and her perceived "slutty nature" (I was shocked when I first heard this, and later about how regular an occurrence this was; I thought our school and our classmates were better than that). In their "on" phase, they were really close and touchy and I felt like I was imposing on them being there, so I would leave the room to do other things. They got enough flack from the rest of the school; I wasn't about to take away a time and space that they could enjoy their time together just because I didn't know what to do with myself. I tried joining in once...and I regret it because I think I made it awkward joining in without building that rapport. RN they're in an off phase because he has a girlfriend that contacts my friend to make it clear that my friend is not welcome in their relationship, asking if they've had sex before and other uncomfortable things. It's bizarre because my girl friend's in a relationship herself and not poly, plus the guy isn't her type, so why is his girlfriend bringing my other friend into the relationship? So there's another type of third-wheeling, where another person is dragged in to a relationship that doesn't concern them.
  5. Why must we question a topic's depth if it makes people think?
  6. In fact, what is the purpose of rules if not to be questioned and broken?
  7. Random person from India takes the cake by a long-shot. They messaged me on Facebook and said they were disappointed I didn't remember them when I asked who they were. So when I asked how we met they responded (and I quote): "We met in this beautiful world...bottom of vast sky and on above of green ground.. 😉" I just said that didn't really narrow things down. Turns out they just saw my profile picture and decided to hmu.
  8. Welcome! Feel free to read around the forums if you have other questions or want to know what being aro is like for us. I know you asked us to help you determine whether you're aro or not, but we cannot tell you. You have to tell us. If you think you are aro, then we accept that you are aro. And if you are aro now and discover you have a different romantic attraction or are somewhere else on the aromantic spectrum, then we will accept that. And if you find out that you were never aro, then it is perfectly ok to say you're aro now until you find that out! You are who you say you are. No one is too young to know their own experiences in life. If it helps and you haven't done this already, try imagining your girlfriend having romantic feelings for you. Then try imagining what romance with her would feel like. Talk to her about what romance means to her, if you're unsure. Uncertainty can feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it helps us discover things about ourselves. I hope you have a steady journey, and we will be here to talk if you will have us.
  9. How about other types of relationships beside romantic partners? I think it follows @Cassiopeia's first point about imagining what life would be like later on because it helps define what each person would want when they maintain ties with others right now and pave the way for those relationships in the future. Relationship anarchy, non-sexual/romantic polyamory, platonic friends and families, sexual partners, and queer platonic relationships are all a great place to start. Practice communicating negative emotions in respectful ways? Or practice saying "no" with varying degrees of force? I've met people of all orientations who go with the flow because they're too scared/anxious or don't know how to bring up things they see negatively. There's a form of communication my therapist introduced me to called Non-Violent Communication that works a bit like this: https://www.cnvc.org/[ogname]/giraffe-and-jackal-ears-exercise ('jackal ears' is a euphamism for when we listen from a place of fear and blame, 'giraffe ears' for when we listen from a place of compassion and curiosity of the other's needs). There are many resources online if you or your group is interested.
  10. Starting to feel like I can actually do things for myself. Still cry about it, but at least I'm functioning and feeling better now.

  11. Hello, and welcome back to the forums! Have some ice cream as you get settled in.
  12. @Spectrul Sânge Rece yeah the term is a euphemism, I think the people posting here understand that the idea behind the euphemism is that the other person is a friend, but with "the benefit" of also being someone you can have sex with. It kind of becomes "friend with an unfortunate sexual inclination" when you're not too interested yourself, or "friend" when sex isn't something you consider a particular benefit that this person shares with you over your other friends. Being mindful of the language we use and the origin of those words helps us as a community understand the ideas and concepts that we base our relationships on, not just the romantic but also the familial and platonic. If it seems unimportant to you, that's fine; it was important enough to other people that this thread has received quite a few responses. I guess what I'm getting at is that even though we all understand the use of this term, we are trying to discuss the idea behind it. Namely, that sex with a friend has a benefit that distinguishes them or gives them a privileged advantage over your other friends. and, I think, we're interested in looking at other terms that could take the place of FWB that doesn't have the underpinning of "sex is not usually done with friends"? More on topic, I once expressed to a friend that the amount of physical contact we shared might qualify our relationship as being FWB, and we laughed. It's not a label I think we would have applied to our relationship, but it was funny to think that there are people that would. FWB, to me, highlights the sexual nature of the actions in that relationship, almost as if "sex" is the main part of it. It's a term that makes the "friendship" part feel almost reduced to "friendly person who allows physical contact", and elevates sex to the status of a "benefit". I'm not surprised with so many aces in this community that many of us would be wary of the term. Of course, if another person wants to use it to refer to their relationship and their counterpart agrees, I think it's a fitting term. I just don't think it fits with how I'd conceptualize my own relationships with my connotations attached to the term. My posts are always so long! T_T TLDR; Language is important because it makes us aware of the ideas underlying them. Personally, friends with benefits feels too primarily sexual. However, people using the term consensually should be respected.
  13. Yo, welcome to the forums! Hope you like the place. *tidies a bit up in my corner; sweats slightly*
  • Create New...