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About SoulWolf

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    A collection of rare oddities

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    pick one at random
  • Location
    South Africa
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  1. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    Hehe, I can relate to trying to give people 'plausible' answers rather than the truth, because it seems like less effort than having to explain the actual truth to them after their reaction is to stare at me like I'm from another planet. From what I've read, many counsellors don't even handle stuff like that very well even with specific training... so, I guess it depends?
  2. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    This also reminds me of this again: http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/873-alexithymia-difficulty-knowingdescribing-your-inner-life/ Sometimes I wonder if my feelings are actually disappearing, or if I'm just losing my perception of them. Is there even a difference?
  3. Do you have mood crashes during crushes/squishes?

    Mine sorta comes and goes in the sense that if I don't see or hear from the person, I can literally forget about them for days. But then the feelings come back just as strong as they were before, mine doesn't really fade out. Even sometimes when I'm hanging out with them, I can go kinda numb suddenly and just get bored (or even annoyed) with their company. It can happen and then disappear again within minutes. Now I just ignore it because I know it's temporary, but it has been rather confusing in the past...
  4. A society with good emotional hygiene

    Yeah, it is very child focused, because a lot of adults ignore children's emotional needs, more so than adults. Or adults are at least allowed to stand up for themselves, or leave situations where they are being neglected/abused/etc more easily.
  5. The mental images I got while reading through this made me laugh a lot. I think it's really awesome, and I'd totally share this with people to help them understand. We don't have mustard pickles where I live though, so I'd replace that with something else unappealing. In my case it'd be something really spicy, like wasabi. Not only do I dislike that, it actually physically hurts me! I'd customize it for each person I send it to, after asking them for their most-hated food item first. Hey, I could make a 'web-app' kind of thing that auto-replaces it, like @Apathetic Echidna suggested. Should I?
  6. So lonely

    Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. People who care about animals are often the nicest people to meet, so that could actually work.
  7. If she hasn't heard of aromanticism, then by all means, point her here, or to one of the basic descriptions of it. The odds of her being comfortable with marriage are probably pretty low though, but I can't say because I don't actually know her. With that said, you might want to look into queer/quasi platonic partnerships, maybe that's something she might be comfortable with, if you really want some way to be with her, and then you two would have to work out the details of what works for the both of you. So, it may be possible for you two to be 'together' in some way (this is up to her), but it probably isn't going to be according to your idea of marriage or even a 'normal relationship'. And even if that is possible, don't try to push her into it, because (I'm just guessing) that's more likely to make her want to run away. She needs you to give her space and to accept her the way she is, and not try to make her fit into your ideal of a relationship. It's pretty awesome that you're doing research, though.
  8. I can't fit in anywhere? Depressed.

    I found the link I was thinking of: https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/04/leadership/ It's written from his personal perspective of 'growing out of' your social circle, but the general gist of it could also apply for just never fitting in in the first place too. Snippet:
  9. Romantic Horror Stories

    I was overseas visiting friends, and while alone on a train the one day, there was this guy sitting nearby. He started out by saying I look familiar, like he thinks we've met before. Then started saying how beautiful I am, and some other weird complimentary stuff. I told him I live with 2 friends, and they're both male, thinking that might discourage him, but no... I got off the train a stop earlier than I would have, hoping to be rid of him, but he got off at the same station, even though he had mentioned earlier he was going to get off at a different one. There were some people standing around not too far away, so I figured it was reasonably safe. He basically begged me for my phone number... so I gave him the one of my other phone that I don't actually use as a main phone, and that I was planning on changing soon anyway. I finally got rid of him that way... he hugged me and left. I thoroughly checked my pockets to make sure he didn't pickpocket anything... he didn't. I still have no idea what his goal was. He sent me a few text messages and tried to phone a few times... but I completely ignored those. That was creepy as hell.
  10. I can't fit in anywhere? Depressed.

    Hey there... People look at me strangely as well. I haven't heard them say anything specific lately though, but I did get bullied a lot back in school. I'm still working through the insecurities that caused. I don't really fit in anywhere either, but I've come to the conclusion that fitting in is overrated. Some smart person on some website once said (can't remember who, lol) that if you can't fit in anywhere, and you're always the odd one out, it's because you're meant to be a leader. I don't really want all the attention that comes along with being a leader, but... it's a compliment in a way. And yeah... definitely find new people. There are some really awesome ones out there, if you can find them.
  11. Hmm, that sounds like a tough situation. What helps me is to discuss complex things with people over text, like email or something like that. Gives everyone more time to think before they respond. Also, look up non-violent communication, because people tend to respond more to how you say things than what you're actually saying. Talking about your feelings is harder than telling people that you don't like X, Y or Z about what they did, but they tend to be more willing to listen that way. I hope those links are helpful... it sucks that people don't seem to take friendship all that seriously. Good luck...
  12. I just need advice I guess

    I can relate to feeling unwanted (not on this site though). It's a hard feeling to get rid of. I'm still working on it. My attempt at getting rid of it basically entails me trying my hardest to enjoy my own company, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It has helped a lot so far.
  13. I feel lonely

    Hmm, I felt like this before I discovered the aro/ace concepts, and just finding this site made me feel less alone. I also don't know of any aro/ace people IRL, at least not as far as I know. There is a Facebook group for ace people in my country, but even all 60 of those people (lol) are pretty far away, and it seems many of them are not aro either. I do have some really weird IRL friends who can appreciate my unusual POV about a lot of things, so that helps, even if they don't really "get it". I would love to meet another aro/ace IRL though. We're here for you though.
  14. A society with good emotional hygiene

    Yeah, I struggle with this too. Big things that require more people to do stuff are hard. Sometimes the illegal things are the right thing to do... but I guess every little bit helps, even just sharing some link on Facebook, maybe it's just enough to get one or two more people to think about something important. Someone I know actually feels like it's wrong to feel happy when there's so much wrong in the world. I don't blame him, but sometimes (quite often) I just need to completely ignore the world around me and just do fun stuff, for the sake of my sanity. As for general emotional hygeine, I've recently figured out that where I sit in public is important. I can't sit somewhere where there are people behind me where I can't see them, that makes me very uncomfortable. It took me a really long time to figure out why sometimes I'm anxious as all hell while out and about, while other times it's fine. Now I know why. It would have been nice to know this sooner though.
  15. A society with good emotional hygiene

    I agree it's pretty bad at handling emotional needs, but it's not all that great with physical needs either. I call them emotional needs, because of this website. He has a lot of info there that I think you might find interesting too. I don't know about rules (I think rules are problematic for a whole bunch of reasons), but for habits, I think avoiding 'toxic' people as much as possible is probably one of the healthiest things to do, for most people. The opposite also applies: spend more time with uplifting people. This is a big reason why I have so many issues with schools - they're not generally optional, and it's really hard to avoid the toxic people if they're in your class, or if they're your teachers. Or your parents (that's the worst). So I don't really believe in 'teaching' emotional hygiene at a school when the students usually aren't even allowed to take care of their own emotional needs while they're there. Especially not as a subject with tests and exams.... that just ruins everything that could have been good Good role models would be preferable. I also don't really believe that getting rid of 'negative' feelings is a good idea. That's like just taking painkillers if you break your arm, without ever getting it fixed or put in a cast. I'd rather encourage people to look for the source of their feelings, figure out why they feel that way, and maybe they can figure out a solution that way (and hopefully it's not illegal). Nice quote. I'm gonna save it in my collection.