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About SoulWolf

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    A collection of rare oddities

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    pick one at random
  • Location
    South Africa
  • Romanticism
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  1. Wikipedia article

    Wikipedia is pretty full of sh@&* regarding non-mainstream stuff. Looks like the safest place for it would be on this page until the powers-that-be deem it necessary to make seperate pages. I tried adding info to Wikipedia years ago, but some other jerk just removed my info. I haven't bothered trying again. I think one needs to be active within their little special circle of friends (or have a certain type of personality) to actually have additions be accepted on their site. It may be a useful site with some useful info, but it's just the tip of the iceberg, because they won't actually let people add the rest of the iceberg to the site. Oookay, that was a rant. Whoops.
  2. Being a Wedding Guest

    I've been to a few weddings of friends. While there were definitely cringey moments, I tried to focus on how happy my friend looked. The weddings were also like mini-reunions of other friends from our group that I hadn't seen in a while, so that also helped. Also the food - there was some really good stuff there. The worst part of it was noise: the music was SO LOUD there was no way people could communicate inside, so we actually spent quite some time outside, which was nice. I went with my friend/roommate. I guess taking a friend to a wedding is one of the best ways to get people to think you're a couple, if for some weird reason that's your goal.
  3. Platonic va Romantic

    Interesting... Why is intertwining your life with theirs combined with "be romantic"? What is the difference between intertwining lives and hanging out with them to get to know them better? I imagine they would both involve spending a reasonable amount of time together. Where is the line between these two things?
  4. Dunno if I'm aromantic or just an asshole.

    You say you wanted these people you had crushes on to accept you... but it doesn't really sound like you accept yourself. You sound kind of aro maybe. You don't sound like an asshole, or at least, if you are then so am I. I alternate between wanting to hang out with people and wanting to just be left alone and not go near any humans at all. When I'm with people, even people I like, internally I jump between "I'm glad you're here" and "F@(*^)(*^#$ off!"... luckily I don't say the second one out loud. I'm not really sure what this is. Social anxiety/phobia maybe? I think that is a good and healthy idea of a relationship. All the 'head over heels' nonsense doesn't look sane or healthy to me, or even remotely useful. Love doesn't have to be a strong feeling to be valid, IMO. I love animals and nature and whatnot, but most of the time it's just a really mild background process, not a noticeable feeling or anything. Speaking of which, I probably have alexithymia, so that might be worth looking into as well.
  5. Is it worst after 30 yo?

    He's definitely very allo. We were actually in a "romantic" relationship for 1.5 years more than a decade ago, and I think that's a big part of what led me to realize that this relationship stuff doesn't really work for me. So I had to break that off, but I made it clear I definitely still wanted to be friends... and it hasn't been completely smooth sailing or whatever, but somehow it works. So, yay. Every now and then he says he's still in love with me, which makes me cringe, but I know that's just his way of loving, and I can appreciate it for what it is. I suppose it's harder for him to appreciate my way of loving, since it doesn't really fit in the conventional boxes, and it's hard for me to explain, and most of the time my feelings for humans are almost non-existant... but as long as we communicate and sort out our differences in a civilized way, it works.
  6. Is it worst after 30 yo?

    I'm 35. For me it can go either way. I live with my friend, and we pretty much co-own the house we live in (still paying it off though). People just assume we're in a romantic relationship, and most of the time I just don't correct them unless I have a reason to. I also have some awesome friends, a couple of which even sort of seem to understand the value of platonic relationships. So I guess: it depends. I never really had super close friends growing up, and the only time I had any was for 2 years in college. Then everyone scattered, and keeping in touch faded out into almost nothingness after most of them got married and all that. Don't give in to pressure from other people. This may be hard at first, but you'll get better at it. Impressive. I wonder if she'll do it again once her latest batch of friends all get married and become boring? Yeah, some people are starting to spread more open-minded ideas around. This reasonably famous person blogs about love in some pretty unconventional ways: http://lissarankin.com/ I quite like her, I can relate to a lot of stuff she says even though she's not aro.
  7. Using Valentine’s Day to show platonic love.

    Someone posted this on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/overourwall/videos/2091660307715266 Smart kid.
  8. What's coming out like?

    People's reactions vary quite a bit. Here's a thread where people talk about how their coming out stories went: http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/830-to-come-out/ Here's another: http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/60-coming-out-stories/
  9. Using Valentine’s Day to show platonic love.

    I'm planning to post some aro links/info on my Facebook on the 14th. There was this cool video I found a while ago that made a mockery of Cupid. If I can find it, I might post that too. I have no issues with offending people who like Valentine's day.
  10. Amatonormativity & Queerplatonic Relationships

    Yes! Friendships are relationships, and I also think it'd be good (and healthy) to have those kinds of discussions about them. I've done this with a few people. I'm not entirely sure, but, I think in at least one case the other person thought it was a bit weird for us to talk about our friendship like that. I think it's weird not to. I don't understand this either. I can only consider a QPP with someone I already know. I can't even imagine wanting something that close with someone imaginary... especially having specific requirements like that. The only one that makes any sense is height - having a similar height is useful for standing hugs... I've always thought of having a best friend as a kind of partnership. I guess there's different kinds of partnership.
  11. Amatonormativity & Queerplatonic Relationships

    I think I understand what you're asking. My idea of what people call a QPR is close friendship. It's how I have always viewed friendship with people I'm close to, long before I heard of QPR's, amatonormativity and aromanticism. It's only in recent years that I've started to realize and accept that most people's idea of friendship is very shallow compared to mine. The phrase "just friends" makes me squirm. A friend is a big deal to me, not something to label with a "just" in front. I think QPR's wouldn't really need a name if most people didn't treat friendship like a shallow disposable thing. "Friend" has such a broad range of definitions that ranges between "someone you really care about", to "that random person you play chess with once a month and never speak to otherwise". I've resorted to calling my closest friends family, because there isn't another term I'd use. But I've heard of other people who call their friends family, and they would still do things like move away without even asking them how they feel about it. I have a long rant about friendship in my signature, so I guess I won't elaborate more on it here.
  12. Theme/link error message

    Looks like one of those cases where the problem is in another file entirely. Those are always fun. Maybe it's not including the file where Friendly::url is defined for some reason. But I know nothing about IPS specifically, so... I can only guess.
  13. Theme/link error message

    I'm using the Dark Green theme, and when someone posts a link quote to another topic on the forum, it displays this error: The error isn't there with the default theme though. I haven't tested others.
  14. Some Arospec Questions (For fun) (Part 1?)

    1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?) Probably a cat. Because of the way they can alternate between being super affectionate and absolutely completely ignoring you in an instant. And maybe also how they alternate between liking being petted and then suddenly want to rip your arm to shreds. 2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief? If by relationship grief, you mean friendship, then yes. 3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing? I don't really know. I don't even know where the lines between friendship and romantic relationships are. Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why? Yes it would be much better, because aro's seem more likely to value friendship more than most other people. More good friends = happier/healthier humans overall.
  15. Hello and welcome! I'm pretty sure you're in the right place.