First off, English is not my first language, and I’m also fairly new to this all, so I apologize for any mistakes!
I will try to not make this too long. In short, I think I might be aromantic, or at least, I may be able to place myself somewhere on the spectrum of aromantic.
I'm a 24 old female. Never had a boyfriend. I always thought I was just a late bloomer in the whole getting into a relationship thing. I thought for sure that my time would come, that I would fall in love. But it just never happened. I would sometimes imagine what it would be like to kiss, hold hands, etc. But it was not like I was desperately searching for someone.
I can not really say that I have experienced having a crush on someone. I for sure can say that a person is hot, or good looking, but the whole butterflies in the stomach thing, I can't recal ever having experienced that. And even the times were I may have felt some attraction toward someone, I did not do anything with it. It was just too weak and disappeared shortly. However, I have had (and still have) crushes on fictional characters. But even those I would not classify as romantic love? I think?
From the time of 15 to 22, 3 good friends of mine have confessed that they liked me, and I rejected all three of them, felt repulsed even by their love. I felt betrayed. I felt like they didn't respect my boundaries, somehow. They felt more than friendship toward me, and I could not do anything about it. I probably should have felt flattered, but I just really did’t like the idea of them liking me, thinking about me in a romantic way. It just gave me the shivers.
We remained good friends though, I didn’t want those confessions to stand in the way of our friendship! One of them has a girlfriend now, so I’m happy for him
It's just that the idea of being in a relationship is nice, but getting in one for real is just like a big nope for me. I just can't imagine myself kissing someone, or holding hands, etc. However, I'm still curious about sex and kissing??? (and sometimes even crave for it!) But maybe I'm only attracted to the idea of doing these things? Because romantic stuff weirds me out, and I'm not really into the physical contact. When one of those three friends asked if he could kiss me I wanted to vomit.
I just don’t feel the need for romance.
And it just hit me today when I heard that yet another friend of mine got into a relationship. I'm feeling left out, and that while I'm fine with being single. A relationship seems such a hassle to me. I rather spent my time on something else. I feel like I'm just too busy with other things that seem much more important.
Most of the time I'm fine being single. Only sometimes I get those strong feelings of doubt. I'm sometimes also afraid of what others will think of me being single at 24...
So my question is, could I be aromantic? My fear is that I'm just using it as an excuse for why I don't have experienced love yet at my age. Maybe I’m just shy? Maybe I should put more effort into finding someone? But... a part of me is telling me that that is not the case here.
I'm sorry if this wall of text is messy and confusing. I’m still confused myself on what to think and feel. And I probably didn't word everything as clear as I could have.