Jump to content

cute kitty Meow! Mewo!

Member
  • Content count

    210
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

5 Followers

About cute kitty Meow! Mewo!

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday December 12

Personal Information

  • Name
    Teagan
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/they
  • Location
    USA
  • Romanticism
    quoi/demi
  • Sexuality
    grey/ace

Recent Profile Visitors

1,639 profile views
  1. I don't experience romantic attraction. And that's it....

    there are certainly ways in which I don't follow the common aromantic complaints I try not to interfere with their letting it out though. they aren't invalid for feeling pressured. in fact, feeling pressured into romance is common for many aromantic folk. but, it isn't universal, that's for sure. it does not phase me to hear someone say, they don't feel romantic attraction, and also are not romance-repulsed. there are certainly folk like that I've met in the past. in fact, I'm not aromantic, and yet I can be romance-repulsed at times
  2. do you guys know what this means?

    sounds teenager
  3. 3 drives: sex, romance, attachment

    wow that video is wonderful and amazing, it really goes through a LOT of information in a great and effective way. She stays focused on her three drives too! Really, it was a relief to see this, thank you I find it intriguing and interesting that she states that a drive is not an emotion. I don't see why it can't be. I suppose I'd be ok to say it's a different type of emotion but IMO it's certainly an emotional experience. I am not really sure how well this plays into attractions though. I can see both limerance and attachment playing into romanticism, and I can see limerance playing into sexuality as well. not that these are necessarily true for everyone. I can also see people being generally a sexual person without much of a lusting experience - so, while generally speaking, I think it makes sense to claim that lust plays into sexual attraction and limerance plays into romantic attraction and attachment plays into bonding - I don't think these three are going to be universally precise predictors for orientation. but, thinking about what she's said is going to really help me understand my orientation better (later edit:) yes, the more I think about it, the more it can't be necessarily congruent with orientation. here are some questions I've wondered so far - does limerence necessarily always play into only romance? can't it play into sexuality too? and certainly it can play into our obsession with things that aren't even a human person! does lust necessarily play into sexual attraction? I imagine for aces who experience this sex drive, it is just their libido. self-satisfactory. what happens during sex where no obsessive drive is felt? sex which is "great" and "wanted" but essentially "without lust" - are these other drives? are they just lust expressing a different way? or is it some other dopamine system she hasn't identified, working independently of lust? what is the evolutionary explanation for homo orientations? is attachment a romantic thing only? I suspect not! can't it be though? attachment by my assumption, could be romantic, and could be platonic. attachment is bonding! couldn't you be attached to a sexual partner without feeling romantic, in theory? is limerence even romantic necessarily? She did after all mention someone writing a poem about how obsessed he was with his bedroll. I certainly can feel quite obsessed with my daydreams - do I get limerence response with my daydreams? or - is attachment to people reserved for limerence, and there's actually a separate independent dopamine system that might seem similar?
  4. I have a squish and i need advice and ahhhhhh

    talking is talking. talking isn't inherently romantic. maybe it's possible there could be something there, but if it were me in your shoes, I'd wait for clearer signals to make such a claim. a best friend is a best friend, inherently important. friendship can be difficult to navigate sometimes.
  5. Where are your strongest relationships?

    my stongest relation is and always has been with myself. I have a lot of difficulty communicating with others, but my relationship with myself has always been strong, even in my weakest moments - especially then, was my relationship with myself critical in comparison to others. I have never really felt strong in any of my relationships with others. don't worry, I have arrived checked off "other" and "yes" and "living the dream"
  6. ok good, i was confused there for a sec...
  7. Romantic Attraction

    regarding some of the recent comments, speaking for myself. When I enjoy kissing, it is distinctly a sexual experience. when kissing "feels romantic" I dislike it. kissing I would personally not consider inherently romantic, but the most common forms of a couple kissing I see as romantic. The "sexual" kissing I enjoy is really just making out tbh. and it's been years since I was enjoying that kind of kissing in-action - since then my expression of sexual attraction has changed, so I can't tell if I'd be into it still. regarding romantic feelings - falling in love is something that I did not realize I was experiencing until I slowly came to admit to myself that I experienced it. but now that I've identified it, in knowing that some people do not experience it, it's obvious to me when I am in-love, and when I am not. it's frustrating when I am not in-love tho because a part of me wants to fall in-love with someone, and this ends up giving me a lot of anxiety. I would interpret the phrases such as "crazy in love" and "love hurts" to not at all refer to the actual romantic aspect of the experience, but instead, the anxieties that often arise because of it. to me when I am in-love I just... feel.. attracted... to them... I MAY have thoughts about wanting to be with them but really that is not constant. but a strong feeling of vague interest in them is pretty easy to experience just by looking or thinking about them. what drives me crazy is, wanting to DO something about those feelings. it is like a tension which - if I am allowed to enjoy the feelings by interacting romantically with my partner or date, it is a wonderful and good and healthy feeling. but, if I have to contain it to myself, because the person does not appreciate my attraction to them - this is when it hurts, when I suffer, when I have a ton of anxiety, when I become desperate to try to figure out HOW to even interact with them at all without smothering them with romantic interest. And the more I hold my feelings quiet, the more and more this suffering intensifies. To think back to the people from my past who are in my past, there is suffering there too, a longing for what was to still be, and it hurts. I also get this feeling with lost friends, but with a romantic attraction there is also the feeling which I had to identify as romantic - in fact, it was looking to my past that led me to discover that I felt romantic feelings at all, and then experiencing them again for a friend that made me confirm that I do feel romantic feelings. but, being in love with someone who does not return the feelings, for me is 10x worse than pining for something from the past. in the later, I can clearly see there is nothing I can do to even interact with the person, so there is no compounding of the anxiety - it only stays constant, tho it hurts, it does not intensify. when I am interacting with someone however, and cannot express my love for them, that is when it royally sucks. it is just too much to handle. I am sorry that I cannot provide any info on what romantic attraction feels like. That is not something which is possible to do. I can only describe what I feel - but those descriptions are, "intense" and "warmth" and "love" and "interest" and none of these things are reserved for romance. I feel all of those things for other things. just, the only thing that helped me to figure it out for my experience, was to compare my feelings for people over and over and over again, slowly being better able to identify the difference, to the point that I was sure there WAS one but not sure WHAT that difference was, until I came to suspect that difference was romantic, until I came to confirm it. And this was only possible because I still feel romantically towards 3 of my 5 crushes. so when I think of them, I feel in the now the romantic feelings. if there were no current feelings to observe, I doubt I could've done that process to any conclusion. and even as it is, I'm still unsure - I was worried I was developing romantic feelings for someone, and couldn't be sure what I was feeling until I saw her and talked to her in-person. that, now that I know what I feel, it is easier for me to say "you just know what it is when you feel it" because that is exactly how I know. I just do. it feels like romantic attraction. it is like touching a dry material blindly and knowing that it is fur and not a carpet, despite the fact that it is thick and course and stiff. you've felt this pelt before and identify the animal exactly, and know it isn't any carpet you've felt. It feels unique to our brain, our brain has learned to identify that it is different. but the reality is, I had to learn to identify it at all. oh also, I don't get the whole "merging" or "as one" thing a lot of people get. I do agree that it tends to be a common romantic message, but I don't believe it's a universal sentiment for all romantics, since well, I don't share it. tho I do want to be close with the person and spend a lot of time with them, but well, this is not reserved for my romantic feelings. I guess it tends to be more intense with romantic feelings. also - personally, I do in fact believe that romantic feelings are better and superior to platonic ones. I am sorry that this is my oppinion about my feelings. I would think it's weird however, to make some claim that this is true for all people, especially knowing about aromantic. necessarily, since an aromantic does not feel romantic feelings, romantic feelings are in fact less than platonic ones - I mean after all, they are zero. hehe. last regarding the bed - I would not claim that sharing a bed is necssarily romantic, but bed-sharing certainly brings romantic anxiety to me - I do not like sharing a bed unless it is literally my partner. I could under some circumstances do it however - especially if there is a lot more people than appropriate sleeping surfaces. I do not believe I'd find sharing a room to be romantic however. there are some ways to share a room romantically of course but without explicitly attempting to make it romantic, two people sharing a room is just a pair of roomates. it's nonromantic by my impression of it.
  8. woah!

    lol I forgot to use dark theme. it is so much better!
  9. I don't understand. those images in the article are predominently of couples in romantic moments. see below.
  10. Lonely Lithromantic

    @Fishboy there are certainly aromantic folk who are sexual. so your idea of hoping for an aromantic sexual partner isn't crazy hehe! and some greyromantics might not bother your lith nature. er, does that make sense to say? it's also possible some romantics who understands lithromanticism and are willing, might be able to keep their romantic feelings out of the behavior of the relationship. I dunno how to explain what I mean... basically, the way that I am greysexual is that I feel sexual feelings towards a partner but don't really want sex and just generally don't mind enjoying feeling my feelings quietly. While I would not be comfortable with a partner being unaware I'm sexually attracted to them, beyond them beying like "oh that's sweet" when I let em know the one time, I wouldn't need to mention it or to do anything about it or to tell them or anything. so an asexual who isn't bothered by sexual attraction itself, like don't mind "being sexy" to someone, they might start to notice my feelings but, I won't be very charged or active about them. just generally behave platonic about them. such a relationship would work for me. it's possible something like that where, the romantic person is perfectly happy enjoying their attraction without talking about it or giving you romantic attention might be someone you're comfortable with? food for thought, basically. appreciate the fire emblem avatar, a fan myself
  11. kwah! kwah!

    so there's this person who I've felt kinda weird towards for the past like, year. or more. in secret. don't tell basically, like, it's definitely not a squish. and it's definitely not romantic crush. so WTF is it. there's nothing else it could be! so it's got to be like, an awkward AF mix between the two. the perfect experience of being quoiromantic! in "crushing" form. ugh. 1) anyone else get this before? I've had "quoi" feelings like this before. and it's annoying 'cause, well firstly 'cause it's WTF. but also, 'cause, it behaves as attraction "should" behave, despite the fact that my clearly romantic feelings that I do get are undeniably demi in behavior. 2) how does it make any sense that I have sexual attraction which is normal in its timing, aesthetic attraction which normally behaves, squishing which normally behaves, and even a weird hybrid between a squish and a crush which normally behaves, yet I only have romantic feelings after the ship sinks (and has time to be overgrown and house eels). except for that one time, when it so happened to be on my closest friend, who of course wouldn't return the feelings, and I couldn't handle it, so it literally sank the ship itself. To really hurt me. fuck being demiromantic. (not literally tho please ew) 3) I'm pretty sure I'm not a normal demiromantic. please reassure me of what reality is, even if reality is that I'm a special snowflake's special snowflake, I gotta know.
  12. woah!

    just wanted to share that, a month ago I posted a thread in "aromantic discussions" (and it got a few helpful responses) and - it's now on the third page lol! in just a month! so much traffic I remember the time when a month-old thread would still be on the first page! and now look, it's kicked off even the second page! exciting also, super bonus, I get to ask basically the same question I always ask but framed in a different way, and not feel awful for bothering everyone with my lack of learning the answer to it still hehe
  13. Real friends with benefits are a rarity

    the one thing I got to say about friends with benefits is that sexual humans tend to develop romantic feelings for the people they have sex with, especially if they keep doing it, and especially if such a person is a friend. Sex also can and often does build other emotional connections or attraction too. can't speak to how this plays out for an aro. I'm pretty sure emotional ties would be influneced, even if only the strength of the sexual attraction. but what that exactly means for an aro I can't really say. I'm too... grey/quoi/demi, generally, in my orientation. and aros aren;t common enough for me to build an (hopefully) accurate model of their average/common range of experience.
  14. A BRIEF HISTORY OF ROMANTIC LOVE AND WHY IT KIND OF SUCKS

    funny and enjoyable read biased tho agreed that romantic love is overplayed and dangerous. but, the guy's pretty negative about it. dunno enough about anything to form any constructive criticisms tho. so, funny, and enjoyable to read. with a purpose that generates thought.
  15. need better info on demi and me.

    I settled on "demi" when I had only identified 3 crushes... but then later I realized I had had a 4th actually, in the past. and then developed a 5th. and am now wondering if a 6th is forming on someone but I'm not sure yet. and I realized, there might be someone from my early years, but I Can't be sure 'cause no good memory of it.. so does having too frequent crushes make me more grey than demi? the other thing is.. *remembers* that the thing is with the feeling of romance when no crushing. no attraction - but like. I'lll... emotionally connect with romantic songs. .. like not to feel as if they describe me but it's more than just appreciating them. like most of my iconic fav. songs are quite romantic. everlong by foo fighters? tides by xx? nineteen by tegan and sara? etc. also, romance in the knowing of future, expectation. how to say? that I know I can be happy without romance. but, it's something I persist on holding as an expectation to likely, preferably happen, or so. that... I don't want or fantasize of a romantic relationship per se, but I thought it was just a belief I'd picked up but it remains instead. so it's some part of me wanting a romance in my future. the third and last question is regarding quoiro. i am slightly quoi - it's so confusing trying to navigate friendships 'cause I'm just no confidence in what the difference between the friend and the romance is - as in, what the um.. the dynamic is. like, if they're clearly flirting with me that's one thing. but, if not... then I'm clueless if they have any hope towards romance, or if they only see me as a friend - like that they see me as a potential close friend. that sorta thing confuses me a ton. and the last thing about this tho - is that I know what it's like when I've got a crush, which is what I personally use to refer to strong romantic attraction. cause either I have that, or I am not feeling romantic attraction at all. it's hi or it's low, and the shortest it's been was 3 months and that was only once. the other crushes all didn't develop for over a year instead, one took a decade to form lol... which is why I said i was demi.. but it's why I'm not quite quoi.... so I mean. at least, I'm very comfortable with who and what I experience. but what is the most accurate way to identify it by? should I keep saying I am demy? I don't want to appropriate on that, cause I know too little about it.should I start saying I'm quoi instead, or maybe grey? any advice is appreciated.
×