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About LBMango

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    Lizard Bench Mango
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  1. It occurred to me that one of the relationship styles that I could see working for me is what I'm tentatively calling "fractionamory". Because I only want part of the relationship that other people want, it might make sense for anyone I'm in a relationship with to be in another relationship that satisfies the parts that I can't. Is this a Thing? Basically an aro person being in one or more secondary relationships, but not being anyones primary? Is there a better word for this?
  2. I felt that way, until I learned about asexuality. At that point, I was like "wait, WHAT?" and had to re-evaluate my entire definitional structure... The term aromantic wouldn't exist if what we both initially assumed were actually true... nor would asexual... So the only assumption I can make is that there IS something else that I don't know how to see. It's like everyone else has a sense that we don't have... We always assumed that they were talking metaphorically about this extra sense, but no, really they do have it and we don't... I sort of look at it like physicists with dark matter. They know it's there, because there's a hole in the model that needs to get filled. They know the shape of this thing, because they can see where there's this missing stuff, but they can't actually tell what it IS. That's what romantic attraction/love is to me. I can see where it fits into other people's reactions and the things that other people say, but it's basically a giant invisible hole that I can't actually see myself... Being new to the aro community myself, I am not sure if this is a common way of thinking about this or not, but it helps me...
  3. Is there a list of meetups or aro groups? I see several locations post things here, but it doesn't seem to all be in one place, which would be useful, maybe?
  4. Wow, as if to prove my point. My google kung fu is so bad i didn't even notice that this site has a meetups section... D'oh.
  5. I will periodically get a massage as the closest thing to this that is easily available. I'm not ace, and would greatly prefer cuddling with someone I found physically attractive, but for now, massage is the best I can easily do... But I definitely experience this as well.
  6. Sorry to possibly revitalize a mostly dead topic, but this has been on my mind a lot recently... I'm recently coming to the conclusion that I'm aro, but not ace, and that makes me feel really weird. Like the culture (at least in the US, where I am) is very much not ok with that. I kind of feel like my ideal relationship is either a FWB with emphasis on the F, or some sort of poly thing where I'm the secondary. Although, as has been described elsewhere aromantic polyamory is ... linguistically fraught if nothing else... But I have na idea how to achieve any of these things because the culture is so down on it...
  7. When I search for aro meetup groups or similar, all I find are ace meetups. I'm not ace. In particular, part of what i want from an aro meetup is to understand how to navigate being aro but not ace in a culture that sees sex and romance tied in the ways it does... So, are there such groups? A few notes: 1) I'm notoriously bad at google. (I don't know how. I'm a computer programmer. Google just doesn't like me. It's a Thing) So, it's entirely possible that there are things that I didn't find. In fact I assume that's the case... 2) I'm in the Boston area, so anything in that would be awesome. 3) If this isn't a thing, should it be? (I'm not volunteering...)
  8. I'm new to this board, so hopefully this is an acceptable topic... I'm a person who puts an irrational amount of importance on having the correct terminology... I get annoyed at times when there ISN'T a good term for something... and when it comes to myself, I guess it's more so than most... I'm not sure what "romantic attraction is" (check one). I've thought I've had crushes in the past, but I think that they were just physical attraction. I've kind of always assumed that a "relationship" is just "friendship" + sex, and so I kind of always assumed that the reason that FWB was looked down upon was that the "friendship" part wasn't REALLY there... (check two?) I know I'm not asexual, so FWB seems like a really cool setup... but it has this weird baggage associated with the term... I've really only been in MAYBE one "Relationship" (6 months). It ended because I was totally incapable of giving what she needed, and that made me feel guilty... (check three?) Because I always assumed that physical affection was always associated with romantic affection, I've had very few physical relationships either... I'm 46, so when I say "only been in one relationship" that means something different..... Like I said, I'm not asexual, but the way this culture looks at non-romantic sexual relationships is really harsh... I'm not sure if there's anything to be done about that... So, is this aro? Grey? some other term? Is it mostly "you're aro if you think you're aro"? Thanks Also, has anyone done a study on the relationship between what flag you find most aesthetically pleasing and what group you identify with? Because I definitely find the aro flag most pleasing... B-)
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