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aro-fae

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About aro-fae

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Gender
    Non-Binary
  • Pronouns
    They/Them
  • Occupation
    Bog Creature
  • Romanticism
    Aromantic
  • Sexuality
    Asexual

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  1. The case of Mary Read isn't the norm, gender assigned at birth/assigned gender is a modern term that references the frequent modern concept of a doctor declaring a child's gender at birth, the parents agreeing with it, and then the child being raised as such. There can be another distinction made for children who are assigned intersex, and a few years past birth through means of surgery and other medical procedures are made to more closely align with one of the biological sexes. I see a few people mentioned children being unisexed - there is plenty of research that shows how children relate to gender and have some kind of understanding of it. This more recent study is small, but looks at how transgender children (having socially transitioned) perceive gender in comparison to their cisgender counterparts.Trans girls and cis girls held similar gendered preferences (Barbies and the color pink, essentially), and the same for trans boys and cis boys. I had a hard time finding studies that weren't behind pay-walls but I recommend looking into "gender constancy in children" and "gender preference in children" if you want to learn more. TLDR whatever gender is, people seem to connect to it pretty early and find it meaningful in their interactions, no matter how socially constructed certain aspects of it are.
  2. I think that is a really good analogy. As I see it (and take my view with a grain of salt, as I consider myself moreso sex indifferent rather than sex favorable), there's a multitude of ways to be interested in sex outside of being attracted to the person. Whether its kink, libido, curiosity, boredom, a combination of those, etc. And sex is at the end of the day, just....partnered masturbation, really. I don't care what the media hypes it up as lol. I'm sure it could be something more depending on the people involved but it really doesn't need to be.
  3. I know on Tumblr (and I'm sure a few other internet spaces) MOGAI is short-hand for "anything that isn't the L,G,B, or T" and the boundaries of what is MOGAI depends on the person you're talking to. Some people consider all non-binary identities MOGAI, whereas others think "non-binary" is fine but more niche genders are not. MOGAI literally means "Marginalized Orientations, Genders, and Intersex" and is to be used as a synonym of LGBT+, but it has developed a new connotation/meaning over time. As to the general topic, as @Lokiana said, it would be nice if we could keep these terms for historical purposes but also note that they aren't frequently used and why it may be redundant. As mentioned with cupioromantic, it seems to boil down to another way to say "non-romance repulsed aromantic", so a lot of the community that may feel cupioromantic is relevant may actually be found using the term aromantic. This way people who relate to the label aren't just left out in the cold, so to speak, and still have somewhere to go and find like-minded individuals.
  4. I definitely avoid the folkish side, yes. I wouldn't say that many religions have an issue with asexuality/lack of sex or desire in itself, however, a lot of religions (in my opinion) have an issue with aromanticism. Christianity and Hinduism pop to mind as ones that really emphasize a male/female partnership (in the form of marriage) as necessary to spiritual peace and goodness. The only times the single lifestyle seems acceptable is when someone takes a vow of devotion such as with nuns and monks. Since you mentioned Wicca, I would add that there is a huge focus on sex and male/female duality. Whether that's an asexual problem, a gender non-conforming/genderqueer problem, or simply an all around non-cishet problem is debateable.
  5. Norse polytheist. I have never had an issue within this religion regarding my orientation, outside of a few general bigots. It's also been nice that the deities most connected to the concept of love - Frey, Freyja, and Frigg - all have multiple other aspects. Frey and Freyja are primarily fertility and war deities, not love deities, and Frigg is a deity of family and prophecy.
  6. I mean, a "fear of commitment" can really just be reworded as "experiences minimal romantic attraction which makes the beginning stages of a relationship manageable, but more serious/longterm aspects of them unbearable." It's not an odd experience in the aromantic community to experience a mild attraction or be tolerant of romantic actions. Other attractions, such as sexual and platonic, can also play a role in making these relationships enjoyable until they hit a "definitely romantic" threshold. If the aromantic label and community feels right and feels useful in explaining how you relate to others, then no-one can stop you from using it. You may also find aro-spectrum experiences, such as grey-romantic, to be relatable. I don't see any reason for you to be feeling selfish about these occurrences. You said that you begin relationships "with feelings" and then these feelings leave - that's how most relationships end, regardless of romantic orientation. There's nothing particularly terrible or news-breaking about losing interest in someone, so please be gentle with yourself.
  7. I technically had 2 high school relationships, but they both lasted a week and ended because they would try to hug me or take me on a date (you know, ~dating stuff~) and I would freak out and dump them. For the most part I would say I've never had a relationship and I've never done ~relationship stuff~. Mainly because I don't want to lol.
  8. That's also something I've come across a lot, and to this I would reply with something along the lines of "isn't having a queer experience tied directly to lacking a straight/cisheteronormative experience? In that case, aros do have a queer experience, as they lack that straight/cisheteronormative experience". That wording is messy, but I mean that as long as aros are excluded from the 'mainstream' narrative, they are sharing a key experience with the queer community. That mainstream narrative appears to me as something that is hetromantic + heterosexual + cisgender (and possibly + amatonormative?), and any queer example I can think of off the top of my head is removed from at least one of those concepts. Aromantics obviously missing the hetromantic (and amatonormative) part(s). I also think this is a great idea, as this allows people (both aro and non-aro) a way to conceptualize and maybe empathize with the ~aro experience~.
  9. We're all just a bunch of Care Bears.
  10. Care 100% Loyalty 39% Fairness 72% Authority 8% Purity 69% Liberty 50% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is closest to that of a Left-Liberal. I find it hilarious that my Care is at 100% (I knew I was a sap but c'mon) and my Purity is at 69%.
  11. I think there's also a lot of individual variation to that. Where all aromantics lack romantic attraction, I think most of us can say "I prioritize x over romance" or "My long term plans involve x rather than romance". What x is will be different to different people, and can be friendship, a successful career, learning to play the cello, etc. (also I'm now imagining the hilarity of the expressions of alloromantics if you tell them that cello playing is more important to you than marriagešŸ¤£)
  12. It feels like we're saying the same things but in different ways lol. I meant that to me, it seems like people continuously create more specific words because they want all of their experience encapsulated in a few key terms, but this isn't helpful when the original "umbrella" term could just be understood as more diverse. I think we may be on to something here - it does seem like any time I try to find aromantic resources, there's a lot of "but don't worry! we can still do this!" This may be an issue of people trying to make aromanticism more palatable/acceptable to non-aros? And I can definitely see how those voices would become the loudest, as people who aren't worried about "outsider" approval wouldn't be interested in making a loud fuss over this stuff.
  13. From what I've seen, it seems like people of all genders can vary on a spectrum from nonchalant to impassioned about their gender. It may also be that, as a cis person who has never dealt with gender-transitioning, your gender simply doesn't feel all that tangible in your daily life. It's different for people who risk being called by the wrong pronouns, may have to deal with outright transphobia, etc etc. For myself, as a nonbinary person, I'm not walking around all the time shouting that I'm nonbinary and I often don't really think about it, but it becomes very 'real' when I see hate crimes in the news or something. TLDR : I didn't see any transphobic sentiments in your post and your viewpoint makes a fair bit of sense.
  14. So if more real-world community building is a solution, how can we go about this? What would we be interested in seeing from LGBT+ organizations that would aid in creating a connected, diverse, and visible aromantic community? It's one thing to ask for inclusion but as someone who is involved with an LGBT+ organization, it would be nice if people could offer ideas that can be budgeted and planned for. Awareness Weeks at best involve some posters and flyers. Especially as I feel like we're at a point where most of the community knows what aromanticism is, in terms of dictionary definition, but most people don't understand or even discuss the experience, aka "what being aromantic means". And, as we've seen from this topic and the need to create it, communities can't form around overly specific terminology - there needs to be an emotional experience that resonates with the people who identify as such.
  15. It has been a bit weird reading through this thread because I always assumed platonic attraction was connected to QPRs. I did a bit of digging and was able to find a few instances of alterous attraction (also here, and here) being used to mean an interest that is neither fully platonic nor fully romantic, which to me sounds similar to a QPR but apparently does not necessarily mean that. I also still see aplatonic used to mean lack of interest in QPRs. I don't think this makes the concept any less vague lol, I just wanted to share what I found.
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