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Everything posted by Mark

  1. I though it would be worth asking what people here think about monogamy. Those who are ace might like to consider social, emotional or structural monogamy.
  2. It might be the other way around. There is a lot of gender coding. With cis people typically unaware of it.
  3. If it's something you want then it's solitude, if not then it's loneliness. There's another thread here. Something I think which can be a factor for many aros is that social opportunities in amantonormative societies can be either purely platonic or romantic (plus sexual, sensual and other "romantic coded"). Effectively a false dichotomy which happens to suit many allos. This is something I think the AUREA FAQ along with terms like "satisfied with friendship" overlook.
  4. This also explains why there's "Platonic elements" in romantic relationships. e.g. the soul mate concept. The Romans assimilated lots of Greek culture and ideas.
  5. Certainly this kind of questions are not often asked with sexual non-romantic relationships conspicuous by their absence in the likes of the AUREA FAQ. I've always been open to "short term", but never encountered anyone interested in doing these with me. What I ideally want are sexual, or other non-platonic, friendships. Which might well include other romantic coded activities. I've only ever found one person interested in anything like that with me. Who then dumped me for a normative relationship. (Even whilst identifying as "poly".) I've never found things like co-habitation, merger or most the rest of the relationship escalator remotely appealing. Definitely looking at different relationship models, paradigms and terminology. Possibly Relationship Anarchy. Though I find myself hampered by the way in which many , allos, in online RA forums conflate romantic and sexual along with the lack of any in person "community". We can find ourselves on one hand "slut shamed" for desiring non romantic sex and on the other hand desexualised for not being into (even repulsed by) romance. This matches my own experience The difficulty is that allos tend to see FWBs as more about sex than friendship as well as something for between (romo) relationships. As @Jot-Aro Kujo said if an allo "catches feelings" in such a situation then romo privilege means that it's your fault if you don't agree to an "upgrade". There's very much a maybe here. Even before the term polynormativity was coined there was a lot of focus on "opening up" amantonormative relationships. IME many poly communities are full of unchecked couple and romo privileges.
  6. I found this quite an interesting article. For me there's more "name lists" than "relationship bins" for certain actions. With "bed sharing" being a "NO" for me. Initiating casual touch is something I find very difficult to do.
  7. I feel that way in which the "commonality/frequent usage" displays misunderstandings of the term's origins and/or meaning or indications that it is controversial in nature mean that it is a poor topic for an introductory pamphlet.
  8. I wonder if, given this thread If "Queer Platonic" should be given so much space on Introduction to Aromanticism. Maybe it would be better mentioned elsewhere. The" Common Misconceptions" section of A Beginner's Guide to Being an Aromantic Ally gets into fairly complex areas with the “can still love” and QPRs. whilst failing to mention that aros (including those who are also ace) can be interested in "romantic coded" activities such as kissing, hand holding, dating, candle lit dinners, etc, etc.
  9. I think it's important that people know the origins so as to avoid the misinformation, misassumptions and misunderstandings surrounding the word. This is likely the case with other "aro terms" which have similar origins. It's important that "umbrella terms" not be too wide. Otherwise they can become uselessly ambiguous.
  10. I think "perspective" or "worldview" is a better term than "lifestyle". The issue here (as it is in other cases) being that majority/privileged group has little reason to question the idea that what happens to suit them does not suit everyone.
  11. The most common meaning of "platonic" is "non-sexual". About the only dictionary definition which mentions "non-romantic" is Merriam-Webster Which would rather imply that using it such way is an "Americanism".
  12. It seems like allos can't avoid conflating sex and romance. Which in the case of flirting can translate into being unable to keep it sexual. e.g. looking for SEXUAL flirty memes easily finds the likes of this entirely romantic image.
  13. What do they mean by "give up on romance"? What would this look like to them? Worth reminding them that abstaining from romance isn't the same as being aro.
  14. I think there's a why as much as a who dimension here. In that aros potentially being interested in dating and hookups for the "wrong" reasons form the allo POV. IME LGBT+ communities can put couples, marriage and amantonormativity as much of a pedestal as mainstream society. It some cases advocating "marriage equality" can look like "matrimanial fanaticism".
  15. Is this the point at which alloromantics start to prioritise (even experience) romance. Which would be interesting given that younger children certainly can understand philia and storge. Probably philautia, agape and ludus. I've never really understood the singular part of this. (Even without the romance part, as is the case in some QPR definitions, the soulmate/other half idea is something I'm at best indifferent to.) This sounds like "romantic coding" feelings. The other side of the coin is that having or seeking "closeness" can be interpreted as "romantic love"...
  16. I'm sure there are also examples of multiple English words which translate into a single French word. This kind of thing is part of the reason why mechanical (AI) translation is difficult. A similar example is how eight words from classical Greek translate to "love" in modern English. I'm not sure if the site notifies people who have voted if a poll is altered.
  17. I wonder how much romantic coding may also be an issue with Quality time, Receiving gifts and Acts of service. Since "Positivity Posts" are Words of affirmation only.
  18. That's certainly its dictionary definition and colloquial English usage. Does anyone know when it started to be used to mean "not romantic" and "not romantic, but possibly, sexual". At that time there was no "aro community". Possibly it even predates any "aro ace community". Thus I think the "...can be sexual" bit is aimed at "sex positive" aces rather than allo aros. It has a narrow enough definition to appear in dictionaries as either "non sexual" or "non physical". (The latter including the former.) Slang or jargon uses or words are often confusing, especially outside of the context they were coined. Doing this so as to make a word its own antonym is likely to be really messy. There's no actual reason for the aro community to use the same jargon as the ace community.
  19. Something which rarely seems to be considered is how sexual orientation affects the experience of aromanticism. Do aro allos and aro aces experience being aromantic differently? If this is the case does it also matter if aros are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc? (Often intersectional analyses treat can treat characteristics as binaries. Even when they are clearly more varied.) Ditto for greysexual, demisexual or quoisexual aros.
  20. I think it matters if "straight" means "heterosexual", "heteroromantic" or "heterosexual and heteroromantic". With only the first one making much sense to aros. There can be such a big assumption of periorientation that "heterosexual" gets used to mean "heteroromantic"; "homosexual" to mean "homoromantic"; etc. Which I think can cause complications for any varioriented allosexual.
  21. These are specifically for platonic, with it's regular meaning, friends. Similarly these are platonic friendships. Which alloromantics, especially those who are "friends first", may wish to "upgrade" to romantic relationships. Though ir seems to be very much an aro thing to want non-platonic (including Queer Platonic) friendships. Not all aros will be interested in any kind of "Platonic Partnership". With FWB having all sorts of issues. Both in respect of the term itself and being interpreted differently by different people. There is a site called Adult Friend Finder. However it's a swingers site. Thus catering towards alloromantics.
  22. I always suspected a strong ace input. Because of the likes of "Queer Platonic Relationships can be sexual". Which is oxymoronic. With allo aros having no reason to want to go into ace spaces in the first place. But we can find ourselves having to do so. Because that's where most of the aro resources, still, are. Exactly.
  23. I was thinking about this kind of issue. In terms of aplatonic along with squish and alterous. Were these also coined in an "ace-first" environment? I think it's also worth asking which terms originate from the "aro community"?
  24. This could be Toxic Positivity or a case of wrong Love Language.
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