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Mark

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About Mark

  • Rank
    Dragon
  • Birthday October 17

Personal Information

  • Name
    Mark
  • Gender
    Gender Queer
  • Pronouns
    They, Mx
  • Location
    United Kingdom
  • Occupation
    IT
  • Romanticism
    aromantic: couple and romance repulsed.
  • Sexuality
    pansexual, kinky, Relationship Anarchist

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  1. 3 drives: sex, romance, attachment

    I think this is trying to use too few "dimensions". Since it does not account sensual or aesthetic attractions. The most obvious issue is that romance stands out as modern. It's also spread from Europe far too quickly to be anything other than a social meme. Where as 1 is "eros" and 3 is philia and/or pragma. There's also the way in which some people have a distinct preference for a singular companion, others for a team/group/tribe, still others who seek companionship in whatever form might be socially acceptable. It might also be interesting to know if aromantics show neuro-chemical responses which alloromantics lack. (Ditto for asexuals and allosexuals).
  2. Wasn't too keep on the headline. because of the word "just". Also "They're never gonna fall in love—because they don't want to." Could be read as being more about choice than orientation. Theres the venn diagram with "satisfied with friendships". Other than that I think the article covers things well. Especially agree with what Diana had to say on the subject.
  3. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/single-at-heart/2017/10/coining-new-terms-how-singlism-and-matrimania-made-it-into-the-mainstream/ Whilst I don't think Dr DePaulo specifically mentions aros I think some of her research might be relevant.
  4. Aromanticism and depression

    How did you reach this conclusion? It seems quite radical. I often feel I have to try and explain myself or risk even more social exclusion.Especially if I'm confronted in some way. Similar. I've always found the "special someone"/"soulmate" thing just weird. Even taking away the romantic bit does not make it any less weird or remotely interesting/attractive to me. I'd still much rather have a diverse friend group. It wouldn't surprise me if there's a minority who can't, but can handle romantic relationships.
  5. Immaturity

    I was thinking of how "settle down and get married" is often seen as a sign of maturity. As well as wanting anything other than purely platonic friends and a (full) romantic relationship being seen as a sign of lack of maturity.
  6. I noticed that too. Most likely the picture was chosen by an editor rather that the writer. It's also important for people to realise that orientation isn't a matter of personal choice or "lifestyle". I think religion may be a better analogy than sport. Since there are places which make following a certain religion almost mandatory.
  7. poll on relationships

    One thing I've noticed that the allo definition of "Friends With Benefits" seems to be more like a series of hookups. Even trying to avoid any kind of relationship with. Whereas to aros it's more a case of a friendship (or friendships) including sex and/or other things you would typically not find within a purely platonic friendship. How would you find other aros? With whom you have mutual attractions and interests. It's tricky. On one hand allos are by far the majority. So people with whom you do share some attraction/connection with are very likely to be allo. On the other hand it can take a lot to teach the average allo how to have a good meaningful relationship without romance.
  8. I very much agree. It would be far easier for me if it were possible to simply opt out of romance. However it's the way in which being really into romance is almost like a precondition of being accepted as human being. The way in which I'd like to do romantic things with friends (subject to mutual consent) is regarded as strange, weird, taboo. Whereas romantic relationships are acceptable to talk about with anyone, even strangers and small children.
  9. Aro people are a diverse bunch. There are more ways to be other than romantic than there are to be romantic. Unfortunately this is not always made clear in literature about aromantisism. Also you can get terms like "squish" and "queer platonic", with meanings so broad and vague you can get 20 definitions from asking 10 aros. I don't think personal taste in entertainment genre means anything at all. Liking romantic fiction dosn't make you any more likely to be alloromantic than liking crime fiction making you likely to be a criminal. Similarly many allos can be more interested in having romance in their lives than watching or reading about it in books and movies. Some QPPs can appear very similar to amantonormative romantic relationships others can be radically different. I am repulsed by romance. In the sense that I don't want to do it or to unnecessarily hear about it. In terms of fiction I'm most likely to be bored with it. What I find rather annoying are generalisations like "most (all) aros are (also) ace"; "aros hate kissing/hugging/handholding"; "aros arn't into dating"; etc.
  10. Heterosexual Cisgender Aros

    If someone's behaviour towards people in general is bad then I'm not sure that something which could result in their behaving better towards one person is that much of an improvement.
  11. AFAIK those who make this claim are unable to explain how this claim is anything other than a non sequitur. Something which isn't mentioned in the article is that romantic relationships typically provide a way for alloromantic people to have social and emotional needs met. With it, often, being assumed that aromantics have no equivalent needs. Thus should be satisfied either alone or exclusively with purely platonic interactions.
  12. Heterosexual Cisgender Aros

    Which often makes things difficult for non monogamous alloromantics. Complication is that alloromantics can find these highly positive either from people they are romantically attracted to or when they behave in such ways. I'm far from convinced that trying to use "platonic" in an idiosyncratic way is anything other than a bad idea.Trying the same sort of thing with "romantic" would just lead to more confusion. There are several Latin words which are translated to "friend". Alternative is to coin a new word or use one with a completely unrelated meaning.
  13. Heterosexual Cisgender Aros

    This is why I dislike the way "platonic" gets used so liberally within aro forums. Though up until recently "platonic" effectively ment "gay":) As with so many things about romance this has happened recently. The relationship escalator idea seems quite reliant on memes which are specific to romantic attraction.
  14. This sounds like secondary romantic attraction. Which certainly wouldn't happen with anyone who was aromantic. Nor is romantic attraction certain for an alloromantic or demiromantic. Non romantic emotional connections could be tricky especially for alloromantics. Possibly why allos go to such lengths to avoid actual friendship here. Unlikely at present. Given how difficult it is for aros to meet in the physical world...
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