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About Mark

  • Rank
  • Birthday October 17

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Gender
    Gender Queer (AMAB)
  • Pronouns
    They, Mx
  • Location
    United Kingdom
  • Occupation
  • Romanticism
    aromantic: couple and romance repulsed.
  • Sexuality
    pansexual, kinky, Relationship Anarchist

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  1. Romantic Attraction

    IMHO the idea of merging is a distinctive sign of the romantic couple relationship and lifestyle. With "others" including corporate entities such as businesses and the state. Hence the co-option of marriage and its associated industries With the individuals involved typically not seeing this loss of other relationships as being a problem. Often showing enormous faith that a romantic relationship with someone they hardly know will be an effective replacement for friends (and family).
  2. Am I trying to fix what can't be fixed

    It can also be tricky since many alloromantics will refuse to "do stuff" with friends or only be prepared to do so until they can find a (proper) romantic partner This an interesting question which often goes unasked, IMHO. My preference has always been group. Whilst living in a society where virtually everyone else appears only into the couple thing. With how much "putting up with" someone is prepared to do depending on their degree of romantic repulsion. In theory "partner" does not equate to "romantic partner". Indeed for some types of QPR the terms "partner" and "close friendship" could be interchangable, But in many situations talking about this is highly taboo. As well as those who are happier being in non-romantic, non-monogamous, Queer Platonic, etc relationships. Or or relationships which don't especially conform to hetero, mono, amantonormative ideas.
  3. Could I make myself more sexual?

    It's not really anything like a binary. With two people you can only have a couple/dyad. With three three there's either a vee or a triad. Then you have equal or unequal vee. Equilateral, isosceles or scalene triad. The more people are involved the more the number of possible relationship dynamics increases.
  4. Could I make myself more sexual?

    They'd be orthogonal concepts. as also would be serious/casual. The issue of open/closed would be it's own axis too. Given that both open mono and closed poly exist. The reason it dosn't work well is that "mono" is one thing where as "poly" is several things. Some of which are far from mutually compatible.
  5. Could I make myself more sexual?

    It might be better to go from (-50,-50,-50,-50) to (50,50,50,50). Even though visualising a point inside a hypersphere is tricky. Just about anything would be an improvement on four bit binary For relationships probably rather more than four dimensions or something more exotic than real numbers as co-ordinates.
  6. Could I make myself more sexual?

    It''s often seemed to me that many allos equote "emotional intimacy" with "romance". Effectively it's, yet another, romantic coded thing. That's a fairly good model. Far better than either romantic/ONS or romantic/platonic friend binaries
  7. Aromantic irony

    I'd be unsure if that should be considered "ironic" or "annoying". Anyway think the game works better with a set of question cards. Rather than having players trying to think up questions on the spot, especially as the game progresses Took me rather longer to work out why the whole thing was so couple centric as well as why so many other people struggled with things I found trivially obvious.
  8. Confused and Questioning

    There is the term cupioromantic, which could be what you are describing. Though "romance positive" can also mean being OK with being in a romantic relationship. There's also the possibility that you could be interested in some form of QP relationship. I guess the important factors would be what do you want from such a relationship and what do you consider "dating" to be.
  9. What I find rather disturbing here is the time scale over which allos make this "connection". Even those who have a history of being taken advantage of by romantic partners and/or struggle with trusting friends can do this kind of thing.
  10. How to Cope With the Fear of Loneliness

    As well as also assuming that we're incapable of feeling loss or grief when "just a friendship" ends. Even if that's the kind of "platonic friendship" allos typically do understand. Never mind if it's any other kind of friendship...
  11. How to Cope With the Fear of Loneliness

    I really don't get this "lucky" idea. Have more chance of not being lonely if I could do the romantic stuff. Wanting companionship (and romantic coded things) in a highly amantonormative society is just so difficult. What others are seeing as "messy drama" I can see as "life". With allos seeming to have a rather binary view of "Relationship": Everything intimate and romantic coded or "(platonic) Friendship": Nothing intimate or romantic coded. If that works for you that's great. I find pillows and stuffed animals a poor people alternative. For one thing they will never cuddle me. I'm not aware of any cats which make good "movie buddies"... Finding appropriate friends can be difficult for aros. As well as the issue of being dumped for romantic partners. What makes me uncomfortable with PDA is envy... It's one, of many, romantic coded things which I tend to find myself excluded from.
  12. It's especially odd when you consider that "asking out" and marriage proposals tend to be expected of men rather than women.
  13. What would you say to your younger self?

    In 1989 someone called Tim Berners-Lee will invent a system for publishing and sharing information whilst working at CERN. It might be worthwhile using what will become known as "The Web" to talk about the lack of romantic attraction even though bringing this information to the world around a quarter of a century "early" may create a temporal paradox. Creating a world where touch, affection and sex is acceptable between friends as it within (romantic) couples is worth that risk. Of course it does depend exactly which younger self is involved. Utterly pointless telling my 13 year old self to "Look up 'aromantic' on The Web".
  14. http://www.abbreviations.com/ATL
  15. Physical contact survey

    The survey does not indicate the proportion of the third of aros who like physical contact are also ace. The paradox is that it may be easier for aro ace people to meet in comparison with aro people in general. Because ace meetups and events are rather more common, than aro ones. Few allo aros are likely to consider attending an ace plus aro event (even if they know it exists and would be welcome). Ditto for heterosexual aros and, any, LGBT plus aro events. Looking on meetup.com for "aromantic" gives a list where all except two contain the word "asexual" or "ace". Ironically one of these exceptions is the closest one to me, but still a four to five hour train journey each way.