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About Mark

  • Rank
  • Birthday October 17

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Gender
    Gender Queer
  • Pronouns
    They, Mx
  • Location
    United Kingdom
  • Occupation
  • Romanticism
    aromantic: couple and romance repulsed.
  • Sexuality
    pansexual, kinky, Relationship Anarchist

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  1. Mark

    Coining a term for affectionate aros

    I see these a definitely non-platonic. Which can be an issue with certain parts of the aro community.Due to lionisation of the term "platonic". At least some of these appear to be "affection repulsed".
  2. Mark

    You might be aro if...

    Ditto for sensual and/or sexual attraction. Though I'm sure this can happen to allos too.
  3. Mark

    Aromantics in media

    I don't think 100 effectively clone characters would be good representations of anything. The other obvious problem is that this is an aro ace character. Whereas what's most needed is aro allo (especially hetero) characters. Since these will represent the majority of aros.
  4. Mark

    What Is Aromanticism, Really?

    This is, more or less word for word, the definition of a Queer Platonic Relationship. Which IIRC was coined by an aro ace person. It's not "normal" for allo aces. Who tend to be interested in non-sexual romantic relationships. It's also troublesome to apply to aro allos. Since the colloquial definition of "platonic" is "NOT(sexual)". Thus describing a sexual relationship as "platonic" will confuse the vast majority of people... Cupioromantics desire being in romantic relationships. I suspect that there are aros who can tolerate romantic relationships for "secondary reasons". e.g. companionship, sex, affection.
  5. Mark

    Help me

    The question you are asking false dichotomy, since there are several possibilities which are neither "platonic" (by either contemporary or Plato's definition) nor "romantic". My interpretation would be what you are describing is "neither". Wanting to spend time with someone is not necessarily romantic. Humans are social creatures and "quality time" is just as applicable to eros, philia, storge, ludus, pargma or (even) agape. These sound like aesthetic attraction. The more common definition is that it's a desire for a "romantic relationship". With "date" referring either to a set of social activities or being a slang term for romantic relationship. "Spend time with" being rather less specific than "date" too. The OP does not mention wanting this woman to become a "life partner", "wife", etc. A desire for physical affection could be down to sensual, sexual or romantic attraction in any of seven possible combinations. IME that human desires (and behavious) can have multiple motivations often gets overlooked. There appears to be a strong cultural tendency to identify a singular "cause". Lack of vocabulary is likely to be a problem. Since there are many types of relationship possible, but only a few words available to describe relationships. I don't see any evidence of either jealousy and possessiveness in the OPs description. One of the distinctions is that these tend to be seen as negative within non-romantic relationships. But, potentially, positive within romantic ones.
  6. Mark

    Aromantics in media

    It's also reinforcing the tropes of "you'll change your mind" and that (interest in) romance is somehow related to "maturity"/ What could that actually look like? Also how likely would it be for alloromantic writers to come up with such a character?
  7. Even when marriage was most "popular" around the mid 20th century at least 15% of people never did it. Since then census data from around the world shows a massive decline in the marriage demographic. (Until recently somewhat obscured by rising populations and people previously married getting married more than once.) Ironically hyping of marriage in popular media has massively increased at the same time that the proportion of married people has been going down. Something I've noticed is that virtually every online discussion along the lines of "I can't find a date/boyfriend/girlfriend" tends wind up with lots of "I felt like that until I found my spouse/husband/wife" responses. Even if the OP makes it clear that they actually want something fairly casual, more sexual than romantic, etc. Prior to romantic marriages becoming fashionable (prior to the mid 19th century) this was the norm. Actually more common is people not getting married. Even in the face of legal and social discrimination against unmarried people. With even North America soon likely to join Europe and Australasia in having marrieds being a (hugely) privileged minority of the population.
  8. Mark

    Romance in media

    There's also the way in which romantic subplots exist in movies of all genres. Even when they make little sense in terms of narrative, plot or character.
  9. Mark

    You might be aro if...

    Or maybe that your first reaction to the concept of "the one" is WTF. Dating for it's own sake is the only way it's ever interested me. It meaning a way to end up "going steady", "in a relationship", get married, etc. makes no sense. Since I'm not interested in any of those things.
  10. Here is what a researcher has to say about this. A common flaw in methodology is to mix divorced and widowed people with never married people. There's a stereotype of single people single mindedly wanting to be coupled. I recall some research showing that this only applied to something like 18% with the majority being happily single. So maybe romantic relationships don't make a significent proportion of of alloromantics happy. The usual assumption when a romantic relationship breaks up is that it was with the "wrong person' rather than being the 'wrong thing'. The possibility that even some alloromantics might find non-romantic relationships better than romantic relationships is unlikely to even be considered.
  11. Would you be worrying that it might be too early/soon/young if you identified as alloromantic and allosexual? (Especially if this was 'straight"' i.e. heteroromantic and heterosexual.) I wonder how common it is for alloromantics to think they have a "crush" on people they are aestheticly, sexually or otherwise non-romantically attracted to.
  12. In this context meaning "strictly platonic friendship". Allos and aros tend to interpret "friend with benefits" differently. Allos as either "Short term, primarily sexual relationship, until a romantic partner turns up" thus they may end things to start a romantic relationship with someone else or "precursor to romantic relationship". Aros as "Sexual friendship, possibly long term". To an allo transitioning to a romantic relationship is an "upgrade". To an aro (even if they are not romantic repulsed) is a "downgrade". It's possible in such a situation that the allo person might end the relationship because they can't do this whereas the aro partner might end things because they keep trying. That's not aro ace specific. It's hard for allos to understand the concept of romantic coded activities happening outside of a romantic relationship. Regardless of if these include sex, kissing, hand holding, dating, candle lit dinners, shared hobbies, moon lit walks, public displays of affection, pet names, etc, etc.
  13. There is a lot more to relationships than just romantic relationships. Even though amantonormative culture tends to invalidate and erase all except "romantic (and sexual)" and "strictly platonic". Allos tend to struggle with relationships such as sexual friendships. (Even if these are monogamous.) This is a non sequitur. Even in romantic relationships cohabitation is not required. Aros are not intrinsically a-relational loners. For that matter there are plenty of allos who are. The opposite side of this coin is romance being "more than" friendship. It's a very allo (and normative) worldview. I think you are failing to understand how hard it is to explain aromanticism to alloromantics. Even in a fairly abstract way. Trying to transition a platonic friendship into any kind of non-romantic sexual relationship being an even harder task. Then you'd have to maintain that relationship without them trying to turn it into a romantic relationship. The "interests in common" also appears most likely to be an issue if you are trying to do things like a romantic relationship in terms of spending every waking minute doing things together. There's no reason to assume that a non romantic relationship should look much like a romantic relationship. In the same way there's no reason to expect an aircraft to look like a ship. Often aros are an "invisible minority". Hence the need for more identification and symbols. Possibly also social spaces which are not arophobic (including indirectly or structurally). Agreed. Though undoubtedly it's knowingly meeting another aro. Given that there's some evidence that aros might be as common as 1.5% of people.
  14. I across this Heterosexual Questionnaire and wondered if it could be adapted for romantic orientations. What do you think caused your romantic attraction? When and how did you first decide you were alloromantic? Is it possible your romantic attraction/interest is just a phase you may grow out of? Could it be that your romantic interest stems from a neurotic fear of sexual/sensual friendships? If you’ve never had a non-romantic intimate relationship, how can you be sure you wouldn’t prefer that? To whom have you disclosed your romantic tendencies? How did they react? Why do alloromantics feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle? Why do you insist on flaunting your romance? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet? Would you want your children to be alloromantic, knowing the problems they’d face? Why do alloromantics place so much emphasis on romance? Could you trust an alloromantic therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear they might be inclined to influence you in the direction of their own leanings?
  15. Certainly you can find the term "friends first" being fairly common in personal ads written by allos.