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LizBri

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Posts posted by LizBri


  1. @Coyote yep that's the group. Yeah, I think I'll keep a-spec to just the descriptions and the like. Basically I want the name to be able to be found if someone searches for Liverpool aromantic OR Liverpool asexual (other local areas in Merseyside like Wirral will link to Liverpool in the searches), while not alienating either alloromantic asexuals or aromantic allosexuals. This is the main reason why I wouldn't call it a-spec in the name because it wouldn't be found. I would love for others to get more involved with the organising and I keep on putting it out there. I am thinking of how best to tweak the descriptions to fit the inclusive needs of the group (but also to give the inclusive stance of the group out to members as I know we have a wide range of members), I am reluctant to start listing terms if I can at all help it because once you start listing terms you always accidentally alienate someone you've left off. 

     

    Anyway, thanks everyone for your imput. It's nice to get other's imput at times. 

    • Like 2

  2. Note: Tomorrow's Egg meet is cancelled due to low numbers. The next Tues evening meet is same time, 23rd July.

     

    * A social group for all a-spec persons in Liverpool and the surrounding areas.

    We're looking for diverse a-spec volunteers to join the organising team to help direct the group as a diverse a-spec presence in Liverpool and surrounding areas.*


  3. Though I do relate personally to relating to being aromantic first before being asexual because I'm much more romantic-repulsed than sex-repulsed, and this definitely affects my personal situation more. The problem is that, we all come from our own very personal situation and perhaps I need to draft something along the lines of respecting the diversity of the a-spec group. Need to have a think about that though! I think all queer related groups have these political difficulties 


  4. Thanks everyone. I have changed the name to Liverpool Asexual &/or Aromantic Social, with a majority green based icon (there's a little bit of purple in there). I would add the picture here but I'm not that technology-minded, my skill is more in the meeting up for coffee! That said, it's amazing what you can do on your phone with photo editor!!

    Regarding the way around be it aromantic, asexual or asexual, aromantic; it struck me that I for one would read aromantic (&) asexual as "aro-ace" specific. I know that people read stuff differently and it can be one of the most frustrating things about language because it's always the words plus the brain!

     

    I give you the general style of the group: it is a social group where we meet up primarily to meet other a-spec people where we wouldn't necessarily meet otherwise, we talk about everything from football to a-spec related topics, but I don't ever expect anyone to talk about a-spec topics unless they want to. It is chilled out social first and foremost, and I always emphasize that it is group directed. I know there are a few alloromantic asexuals in the group, but the far bigger amount of members are those either aromantic or haven't a clue about their romantic orientation. There are also grey aces or those who shrug and just know "they are just not really that interested somehow". If the group can be some sort of in person support to greater self awareness irrespective of the romantic side or the sexual. It isn't just for those who know full well their exact labels, it certainly took me a year to work out my aromanticism after finding out that there is a difference.

    I am forever encouraging others in the group to step up and help organise, or at least communicate their needs to me. Sometimes blood and stone comes to mind which I do find frustrating.

    But yes, I have always had the founding principle that the group is for the specific member needs as they evolve as members join etc. I will always be reviewing it all to make sure it is relevant to the group as much as possible, and it struck me recently that it had evolved in many ways since it's first meetings. Obviously there will always be someone I can't please, but those people I encourage to actually step up and join me as an organiser and work with me to cover more needs.

    The image is on here. I'm always looking at the description to tweak it, and then I get frustrated and feel the need to make coffee!!!

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  5. @Mark That is interesting but, firstly I can't help being asexual, and what is wrong with the evolution of any group? I actually think on a local level aces and aros should band together. Many will be in the same group anyway. And what about people who are unsure, they know they are in the aro and/or ace spectrums but still working on their personal knowledge. This argument is the argument homosexuals use against the inclusion of homoromantic (asexuals). Ideally I like the broadest label for the group possible but sometimes you do need to select words for a name. We have always included aromantics as being in the same "A" area of the queer spectrum, but if people want to be pedantic and take things personally that's not actually there then those people are impossible to please. I have been involved with other queer spectrum groups and we get the same misunderstanding directed at aromantics and asexuals, why behave the same as them just because I say all As should work together. As the name was (I've since changed it), aromantics were purely an add on. But if people want to take issue with me being aro ace as an organiser, I would always say, expect people to take issue with your identity also.

    And as for the logo, it is on my to do list to sort out, but not being particularly computer creative it will take time.

    And I have looked at the thread suggested but would always say it depends on the group in question. Obviously a book reading group will have different approaches, but still couldn't a group have an aro looking book one month, ace looking book another month, that way not only do you have inclusion but people listening to each other. As it is it's a social group, usually over coffee. If people want separate groups for every orientation however closely aligned they are then so be it, they can start their own.

    • Like 2

  6. I wanted to gauge people's thoughts on here. I organise a local A-spec social group for both aros and aces. Some members are both aro and ace, others or one but not the other, and overall I refuse to gatekeep and accept anyone who will "benefit from an A-spec social group whatever related queer orientation they are". At the moment the name is Liverpool and Wirral Asexuality Social Group, and I mention aromantic in the description. I want the name to be searchable by anyone local who could benefit from the group, which is why the name is so important. I have thought about adding aromantic into the name but then wonder if it then suggests that it's for those who are aromantic AND asexual, which is not the case. I haven't been able to think up a solution so I thought I'd post on here to see if anyone else has any better ideas. I have to bear in mind what people will search for, so I would call it Liverpool and Wirral A-Spec social group but that doesn't help anyone searching (and potentially could be mixed up with autism spectrum). I already say Liverpool and Wirral instead of Merseyside due to searchability, but I am aware that aromantic isn't mentioned in the name. If anyone has any helpful suggestions I'll be very grateful! Thanks. Liverpool and Wirral Asexual and Aromantic Social is the best I've thought of but I am concerned with being "both only" implicated.

    • Like 2

  7. I organised an A-spec social group in Liverpool and the surrounding areas for aros and aces and I just thought I'd start a thread here just in case anyone can get to Liverpool, UK relatively easily. 

     

    Summary of upcoming events July - August 2019:

     

    Regular Tuesday evening meet (aiming at fortnightly but please double check with me) at the Egg cafe, Liverpool. Next meet Tuesday 9th July 7pm.

     

    Sugar and Dice Board Game Cafe, Liverpool, Saturday 13th July 2pm (please rsvp ASAP as I'll be booking a table in the next day or so).

     

    Sugar and Dice Board Game Cafe, Liverpool, Sunday 11th August 2pm (please rsvp by end of July for booking numbers)

     

    Egg Cafe, Liverpool Saturday 24th August 2pm.

     

    Any problems on the day: 07594607252


  8. I think it can depend on a case by case situation, and of course how confident you are in your orientation (as well as time, how much you need to explain how much energy you have). I always have certain go to explanations for example getting them to imagine how they'd be in a romantic relationship with the sex or gender they aren't attracted to (it's amazing how many times that doesn't work, esp with cishet men), or the positive approach of getting them to think back to their best friends or besties before romantic relationships were prioritised in their life. Again, you can deal with idiots, but my experience is that it can take more than one chat to explain to the average person. I have the attitude that it's no secret I'm aromantic asexual but I don't speak to strangers about it and only personally bring it up for a reason, and then I always like to make people feel they can ask sincere questions. It is a difficult issue though, and LGBT groups do need to be educated primarily in some ways. There is no overnight solution. 

    • Like 2

  9. 7 hours ago, aro-fae said:

    In general, I feel like visibility should be more of a goal for the greater community than individuals. Let larger LGBT organizations and activists do that kind of work, rather than relying on individuals. 

    I frequently come out as aro, particularly because I'm heavily involved in an organization and for the sake of event planning I like to make sure we bring the aromantic flag along with all the others :) Of course, that is a very easy environment to come out in. Am I running through the sheets shouting that I'm aro and handing out flyers? No. I'm just planting little reminders among people that already know. 

    And I agree with Coyote, visibility is not the best goal. Education and acceptance should be the focus, visibility just happens to follow it. 

    I must admit that I think there's different levels of awareness. Often even in queer/quasi support agencies they can be ignorant of aromantic and asexual orientations, it's one of the big problems generally with the LGBT+ term because you'll get everything from LGBT to LGBTQI, it's rare that As are even considered, and definitely the awareness of split attraction is definitely not made aware in these circles, be it aromantic allosexual, alloromantic asexual or another combination (my QP is homoromantic heterosexual for example). 

    But my aromantic asexual orientation is neither a secret or do I tell everyone 


  10. Unfortunately it goes much deeper though. In a nutshell, one is my brother the other guy is a brother by another mother that stems from forever. My sister-in-law has them in the friend category, I'm in the (less important) in-law category - unfortunately she'll soon realise I can punch my own weight when needed but I do care about how it would affect others (unlike her who only cares about herself).

    On 6/9/2019 at 7:43 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

    yeah, I know those feels. Then even when it is known you don't like young kids they expect you to act as if they are the best things. I end up saying things they find inappropriate as I try to find things to say that are not outright lies.  

    Oh yes! And they expect me to want to change nappies telling me, "it's not all fun and games". I mean, isn't that the benefit of being an aunt or uncle that we get the fun stuff, just like she gets the fun stuff with my dog but it's me who picks up, goes to the vet and generally does all the owner stuff. I know many in my family will say, "give us a poo bag", but I wouldn't expect it.


  11. Sorry I need to rant to fellow aros sorry! Has anyone else really been affected by the changes in dynamics when friends get romantic partners, get married, have kids, then of course you don't get invited to stuff because you're not in the "have a kid gang". It probably doesn't help that I was originally mates with the lads, and as soon as the girlfriends (now wives) come along they not only change the dynamics but they are also the organisers (most cis-het men I know are awful at organising) who just don't appreciate where you were in the dynamics of the group before they came along, esp being a woman. I am sure I'm just "Rob's sister" to them, and so you end up feeling left out or "left behind".

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  12. I do find personally that the emphasis on romantic relationships at the expense of the quality of friendships has a serious knock on effect for any singles aro or otherwise. And as a church goer I can say that this emphasis largely infects these places also - like people are friendly when you visit, but they are with their husband, wife, family etc etc etc as a self contained unit. It's like after you leave school your friendships become a lot less intense and important as you "grow up" and expected to find your romantic partner etc etc... A rare example I've found is local rugby clubs (the small friendly type), but often people are there a lot less as "romantic or family items" but a lot more people attending as individuals who mingle better (like we did in school). However this is particularly certain generation male oriented and certainly not as successful for me as a young female!!

    As for finding groups, I'm yet to find any social group that is of the school-intensity of friendship.

    I also organise a local ace social group, but even there the friendships are not to the closeness as you'd like. It's an adult attitude that needs to be addressed ideally, and that is far from easy 

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  13. I do think there is a need for visibility, because how can people accept us if they don't know about us. It is work though dealing with the questions, but again if they don't get answers then they definitely won't understand. It does help in some ways the online presence though. It can give a safer space for people to find out about themselves. Becoming confident with ourselves is always a precursor to any coming out and everyone is in a different situation. For example my church is looking to become an official inclusive church and I feel that as an aro ace person I potentially have a lot to give to that from a double A awareness perspective (who also happens to be in a same sex QPR) and I'd happily work with others and come out for this greater good. But everyone is in a different situation and our situations are changing over time. It would be more important though I think if there was no online presence (say back before the internet in person visibility would have greatly helped others). So in a nutshell I think it's a complicated question with a complicated answer!

    • Like 3

  14. Hi. I'm aro ace and my QPP is homoromantic with romantic attraction to me. I am generally chilled with her attraction to me and I love her companionship. I don't want her to get frustrated and she's concerned about "scaring me away". Is anyone else in a similar situation who could give handy advice etc. Thanks.

    • Like 2

  15. I'd happily enter a platonic marriage or a civil partnership (of which I've never really understood the difference but that might be because I'm aro). I don't fancy living alone, I generally find I grow more as a person if I live with others be it family, friends, whoever! I also see the legal benefits and security with marriage. Obviously with all laws there's pros and cons, but I generally think that the legal recognition of marriage is ultimately to try and protect people's rights even if it doesn't work perfectly 100% of the time, the basic idea is for good even if no set up is perfect. 

    Also, if I got married I plan to try on and possibly alter my mum's wedding dress, have a service at church as we start our lives officially together as partners in life, then a non-formal bbq! Basically all the formal rubbish is purely optional, and I'd only kiss in the same way that I'd kiss my family. Basically, it's what the partnership makes of it.


  16. I suppose marriage or civil partnerships depend on each personal circumstance. I see them both as in the sight of the law but I'm aware that laws change all the time and can vary from country to country and between cultures. I personally would like to see my committed partnership as equal in the law's eyes, but I see that it might be different with poly arrangements as well as the need probably being different. So many different factors at play! I used to not understand poly arrangements because even at school I usually only had one primary best friend, but I recently read something about how a poly arrangement when bringing up kids can actually be beneficial to the kids who benefit from multiple adults to look to and less strain on funding than only two parents (who then can't spend time with kids due to working). It was interesting. 

    I usually use the straight man/woman concept to try to explain to allos, but it's still amazing how many don't get it!


  17. Usually in the same way a young boy would idolize a sports player. Most of my celebrity squishes are admirations for particular rugby players (I admire many paralympians also like Ellie Simmons - she actually got me watching swimming of all sports!!!), or how a cool guitarist would be admired which is my other usual category. 

    And I used to have a massive squish on both Buffy the vampire slayer (though not Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Spike from the same programme (but not the actor). It was all about how cool the characters were.

    I had a massive squish on Stacey Dooley when she was on Strictly last year, she just came across as fun and overly likeable. I also like watching some of  the dancers because they are beautiful to watch dancing. Obviously I don't understand the chemistry side of things that the judges harp on about all the time though!!!


  18. Hi. I've only just found this site. I'm already on AVEN and have known about my asexuality for nearly a year now, basically since I first heard about asexuality and it all suddenly made sense! My aromantic orientation wasn't so straight forward though. Prior to finding out about asexuality I thought I was a "rubbish bisexual", then I thought I was a "rubbish biromantic" - like I "liked both men and women the same" in a sort of awkward sort of way. I was always ok in relationships while things where at the "best friend" stage, but as soon as things became more intense I generally found myself either "like a straight woman being romantic with a woman" or "like a straight man being romantic with a man". I just thought I was disfunctional. I've never been a "happy single" as I've always felt like "the extra one" while others concentrated on their more important romantic relationships and I was always the single extra, like they had grown into more important relationships when I still wanted to bond in a friendship bracelet sort of way! So I've found this to be the hardest thing and wish people would value friendships as they did before they moved onto ronance! I just always wanted that "best friend" of any gender that I could share my life with but it always came with stuff I just couldn't understand. I'd happily marry a best friend someday, but just as two committed best friends before God and law (yes, I'm also a christian but if you're not just read "before law"!) I have recently agreed to get into a QPR with a friend who is homoromantic with the clear statement of what could be expected from me. I still love people, but in a "brother/sister from another mother" or best friend sort of way as I did back at school, and I've slowly realised that all my previous relationships were based on these type of affections, and all the celebrities that I admired were exactly that, usually sports people who were cool and admirable players (or a couple of cool guitarists). So realising all this has sort of been an a ha moment where suddenly it all makes sense!

    I know there's a lot here but does any of this make sense? Tbh I'm not big on forums, I get a bit muddled on them if I'm honest, but I'm glad you're here.

    • Like 1

  19. I've only just found this site! I'm near Liverpool and due to health limitations not particularly mobile, though on a good day Manchester might be possible. I already meet with my Liverpool ace group (I'm aro ace) and I've just authorised an aro non-ace person to join the group so I'm hoping I'll meet her at some point in a future meet. But if something here gets organised I'd like that. I'll also mention it to this other girl.

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