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Everything posted by DogObsessedLianne

  1. Sunday 10th November 2019 2pm Sugar and Dice Board Game Cafe in Liverpool. Please RSVP by end of October for booking numbers. Any problems on the day 07594607252. Note: Next Liverpool A-Spec Social Tuesday 29th October 7pm Egg Cafe, Liverpool.
  2. I thought I'd share this "poem" I wrote inspired by my latest squish. I say "poem" because I'm more interested in the therapeutic aspects of creative arts than the rules and regs. I haven't yet given it a name, or I might leave it untitled on purpose due to socety's sidelining of close friendships: Are we all friendship-starved? In a romance obsessed society that puts emphasis on the item as an independent one, where has the best friend gone, or the childhood-mates once so close? Have we grown up from friendships to adult relationships? If that is the case I’d rather not grow up! “Romance” with my “other half” all from a double-attraction stance that stands as the sole criteria for love, companionship, connection, life… but in its shadow is its loneliness of separated, isolated independence, a heart’s dark, unspoken sickness, that when I get one moment of friendship I realise how seriously starved I am.
  3. I've finally got my head around my October diary 😁: Saturday October 12th 2pm at Egg Cafe Tuesday October 29th 7pm at Egg Cafe. I am hoping to schedule the next Sugar and Dice meet in November, though details tbc. As usual my number on the day is 07594607252 Hope to see some of you there, Lianne
  4. I've started just to shrug and say queersexual for my sexual attraction. Technically speaking I'm heterosexual but my aesthetic attraction is seriously homo-leaning that causes a certain amount of chaos, so much so that at one point I thought I was gay. Unless anyone knows a better descriptor! I'm definitely aromantic though, no doubts about that!

    1. aro_elise


      i experience aesthetic and platonic attraction to plenty of girls but i identify as completely heterosexual, always have.  i identify as queer since i'm aro.

    2. DogObsessedLianne


      I think what it really comes down to is the question of "do you just want to admire from a far, or do you then desire to do anything actively, though then of course it gets into the question of grey-attraction or general attraction. It's generally been quite a difficult task to work out what's what in general double-allo society, but I think I'm slowly getting there eventually - I see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of self awareness!!!!

  5. I do relate to the difficulties with general labels also as none seemed to fit and just leads to people misunderstanding, though I'm using queer more and more. They are definitely different, though I can see why those with matching attractions can't distinguish, for example a heteroaesthetic heteromantic heterosexual hetero through and through will probably not see any difference for example, and the same for generally bi, gay or anything else, and I understand that. I have a much more identity with my aromantism and panaesthetic aspects though because they affect my day to day life most, which I think is the question that is relevant for how strongly someone identifies - it's relevant to how it affects day to day life and how different it is from the social "norm"
  6. Once I realised that all my previous experiences in relationships were related to me being aro and not necessarily ace made a big difference. I was putting down my repulsion to kissy kissy romantic belonging to being ace but now put it down more accurately to aro. Now as for my sexual attraction I know I'm at least demisexual, though it doesn't fully fit. I know it's definitely not obvious and I don't see anyone as "hot or sexy" and definitely not as others describe, but there's a definite "physiological interest" so not sure whether that's heterosexual or grey-heterosexual. I usually just say greysexual. It also doesn't help matters that I'm strongly panaesthetic, so much so that I actually thought I was gay at first because I have a particular attraction to the beauty of women (though don't want to sleep with or date them being realistic).
  7. Well we mutually decided that it wasn't working. Thankfully she had also come to a similar conclusion though much more reluctantly. I totally agree with the couple-based cogs in the capitalist machine idea, the whole of society (at least here in the UK and similar places) is based on couplings.
  8. It would be really good to get these stories into print in an anthology of some sort. There is a massive offline aromantic gap in the sexuality bookshelves and I was asked by the lady who served me at the local alternative bookstore if I knew of any good titles. It would really be good to have some sort of not for profit community effort to get our stories offline and more visible at a local level. I will personally have a look at your link in the coming week and will try and contribute myself.
  9. I got talking to the lady at a local alternative bookstore in Liverpool about the lack of books on aromantism. It started off because I was buying an asexual based anthology book and she asked me if I knew of anymore. I pointed out that even more thin on the ground is books on aromantism (irrespective of the sexual orientation). In fact, I think I've only come across one feeble kindle book that I actually sent back for a refund it was so bad. Has anyone else found any good titles on aromantism that I could recommend to this bookstore? She did actually suggest I write one, and I wouldn't rule out editing a community effort to get an aromantism anthology/information book together, especially as there's a massive aromantic gap on the sexuality bookshelves. Would anyone be interested in working with me on this? It would be good to have contributors and design help from across the aromantic community irrespective of sexual attraction (in fact the more variety of experiences the better). There seems to be a lack of offline awareness in this regard. What's people's initial thoughts about this?
  10. I understand that there's so many sides to the issue and there's no clear answer to it. It would be great if there was so many of us to have our own groups all over the place, and definitely we need more aromantic awareness though that's another issue. Actually we need more awareness in the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, and it will slowly seep through society as technically speaking you can have any combination of the two (and it's my personal belief that it's more common than we think esp with monoromantic bisexuals or biromantic monosexuals for crude example), so perhaps we should be doing more to highlight mismatched attractions of all types rather than aromantism on it's own (as indeed every conversation I have when I mention my aromantism leads to just that topic). Sometimes this is very much from an alloromantic asexual perspective and that does need to change. It is always difficult to know what's best to do at local offline level as there's so many aspects that need to be addressed. My experience running an a-spec group is that there's so much variation in personal experiences that people are often confused by exactly what they experience. It's unfortunate that many come across asexuality first before even hearing about aromantism (again not saying it shouldn't change), but that is also across the board as my friend will describe something as homosexuality when in reality she is talking about homoromantism. I originally thought I was bi/panromantic asexual mainly because I'm highly sensitive to aesthetic beauties that I was pinpointing down wrongly as romantic attraction (I originally before knowing about asexuality thought any aesthetic attraction was sexual attraction and how wrong was I), and most of my problems during previous sexual encounters was really down to the romantic kissy nature mixed up with the "loving sexual embrace" described as sexual attraction by nearly everyone, so I misidentified this as asexuality (but with a lot of questions that led me to getting my ear bitten off multiple occasions on Aven). I just give this overview of my experience because it shows how some people know there's an A in there somewhere but can be a little confusing about what exactly they experience. And in that situation an aromantic allosexual could help a person with a similar confusion. So unfortunately it is complicated. And really, surely it is good for any group to improve it's stance. You could argue with your arguments that we need specifically bisexual groups (and then you have the issue of aromantic bisexuals or biromantic asexuals, or even another mismatched orientation), and the answer is most probably yes there is a need but it is all highly complicated and difficult.
  11. Don't know of any specifically aro groups. Sometimes social events can be A-spec generally a bit like LGBTQIA groups are across the board and not just for one area like gay men, though there can be a need for specific groups though. Unfortunally you have to start broad and then if there's enough in one area perhaps then a specific aro meet and build it up from there. It's difficult though.
  12. Next meet:  Meeting at Egg Cafe, Liverpool. Saturday 14th September 2pm. As usual any problems on the day my number is 07594607252.
  13. For me, it depends on the need in question. A-spec when speaking generally can actually be inclusive of anyone who touches on the A be it romantically or sexually. In some ways it highlights how other orientations are also both romantic or sexual like biromantic and bisexual, and you can be one or the other or both. But ultimately it depends on the need in question
  14. I apologise if this is in the wrong area of the forum, I wasn't 100% sure where to post this. I want to hear from aromantic allosexuals or aromantic grey-aces. Basically, how do you describe your sexual attraction, and are there any aspects like position or passionate kissing or anything else that perhaps venture into the romantic side that you struggle with in anyway, for example the "missionary position" could be classed as more romantic (or romantically suffocating I'd say)? I'm thinking that I might actually be aromantic grey-ace instead of asexual and sometimes hearing other people's stories can help pinpoint my own. I'd say for me it's definitely on the rare/vague side, but it'll be nice to hear from both allosexuals and grey-aces on here (who are aromantic). Most people I've spoken to are both alloromantic and allosexual which often doesn't help matters, but I'm now wondering whether the things I've struggled with in the past were related to my aromantism and not my asexuality (like the face to face "passion" in most romantic-sexual encounters for example). It is still rare though (I can only think of one celebrity who I find "hot", and a couple of in person encounters that to be honest I find it very hard to describe (esp as at the time I didn't know there was anything "A" at all possible!). Most people I come across I look at aesthetically like a piece of art work or a beautiful rose or their "coolness", that I know for certain. Anyway, I hoped other people's stories might shed some further light onto this. Thanks in advance!
  15. After much thinking regarding it, I've decided to revert back to my first name of Lianne. I don't recommend asking why, but in a nutshell it's for personal reasons and something I need to do for me, but you are welcome to ask why to receive an indepth psychological essay if you wish! 😁😁😁. I will be altering my display name when possible to reflect this.

  16. Yep, I feel you! The only reason why I agreed to be in a QPR is to make do with a bad societal situation, and even then it does trigger my romance-repulsion. But at the same time, I'd like some sort of committed lived community where we can share running a house and even adopt kids and give them a loving home etc.
  17. Is it not possible to include pictures that don't have a weblink? I'm not very techno savy sorry. All I understand is uploading pictures from device and that isn't an option. I wanted to start a pet-oriented thread but then realised I couldn't upload a picture of my dog!
  18. I do sympathise with people who question the need for labels. Personally I prefer seeing them as descriptors, and if useful in self-knowledge or for explaining then fine, if they cause more confusion I generally question them!!! Though if you then need to explain the definition it can defeat the point, or on the contrary it could help put words into otherwise clueless mouths (I for one have relied on subterms to help put words to what I'm experiencing, for me the likes of aplatonic, romance-repulsed, etc etc have helped word my experiences and feelings). But yeah, some glossaries are headachy and so probably counterproductive!!!!!! Just my two cents 😀
  19. Welcome! Nice to meet you 😁
  20. Welcome! I also have the same reaction to PDAs!
  21. I'm in a QPR with a homoromantic woman who is keen to make a point about us "being together", and talks of "breaking the news to my parents" etc etc, but all this makes me cringe and I've been dragging my feet on the topic feeling uncomfortable about it but clueless as to how to explain this uncomfortableness (is that a word???), but it has always been very hard to put into words to explain how I feel (something I am useless at and why I find forums like this so much help as others can help give me the words to describe). But I recently saw a link on Facebook (here) that I read and was like, "this is totally what I want in life". I just don't see the need to make such a song and dance about sharing life events with a friend (or two). How have others set up more serious friendships without making them on a par with romantic relationships (which everyone will see it as if we announce that we're "together", which makes me even more uncomfortable)? Thanks
  22. Regarding platonic being non-physical that largely depends on the culture, probably right down to the microculture for example a group of straight cis-males in a very straight cis-male working culture at work would definitely not be physically affectionate, whereas a group of very straight cis-females might be more huggy and kissy with their friends, in the same way that some families are more huggy and kissy, and then you have everything in between. I do wonder though how "hug-starved" we are as a society if we rely so much on romance relationships for them.
  23. THE NEXT TUESDAY EVENING AT THE EGG CAFE: 20 AUGUST 2019, 7PM Our regular Tuesday evening a-spec meet at Egg Cafe, 7pm. Unfortunately it's a bit later in the month than I originally wanted, but with holidays and other commitments this is the first Tuesday evening available. As usual, if you need to contact me on the day the number is 07594607252. I will keep you updated where we are in the cafe on the night. OUR NEXT MEET: SUGAR AND DICE BOARD GAME CAFE SUNDAY 11 AUGUST, 2PM. Please RSVP ASAP for numbers thanks. Later on in the month: SATURDAY 24TH AUGUST, 2PM, Egg Cafe SATURDAY 31ST AUGUST, 12.30PM Manchester Day trip with Manchester AVEN. I am planning on travelling from Liverpool Lime Street to get into Manchester Piccadilly circa 12.30. I'm not the actual organiser and there's a post here specific to it. If you could RSVP so I can let the organiser know thanks. I'll let you know nearer the date what train I'll be getting if you'd like to join me at Liverpool Lime Street earlier (or just make your own way there)
  24. A best friend platonic relationship (remember how close you (possibly) were with your best friend(s) at school), well ideally I want that level of intimate platonic relationship; however happy to work out a QPR also. Basically depends on the circumstances. This is me all over. I want the closeness of childhood friendships that society has relegated by prioritising romantic relationships. Basically, friendships but before they were sidelined by other commitments (that are usually romantic relationship based). @Mirrorreaper The change in society to small family units based on monogamous romantic pairings is really interesting to reflect on, and I also wonder if this arrangement then aggravates the problem because the romantic couples are straining to work independently as a unit and then feel like they have to prioritise their friendships to concentrate on this. It would be nice to see some research in this.
  25. I feel you. Can't give much advice because I'm atrocious at romantic relationships, I'm struggling enough with being in a QPR with a homoromantic woman who has been trying to understand aromanticism and is suppressing her romantic affections. She says 'I love you' and I know she is meaning platonically, but I know it is more than that and it also makes me uncomfortable as I feel like I'll be leading her on or giving mixed messages if I reciprocate.
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