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Lume

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About Lume

  • Rank
    Member

Personal Information

  • Gender
    gray-feminine
  • Pronouns
    she, they
  • Location
    Luxembourg
  • Occupation
    Sociologist
  • Romanticism
    Aromantic
  • Sexuality
    Asexual

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  1. Same here I define as panplatonic, generally. But due to date/flirt culture I tend to make friends with men easier than women since I am an adult. In those friendships, I am more of a buddy, though, despite being feminine. I have never been friends with girlish women, the women I am friends with are not very conforming. Apart from that, there are some genderqueer/trans persons, but no mtf.
  2. What affects me, personally, as an aro person is: 1) Being invisible to others each time when a group of persons I am part of discusses romantic relationships, marriage, children etc. 2) Being excluded from social gatherings which are organised along coupled participants, i.e. double dates, dancing courses (I know, I could go with a friend, but they are coupled as well...) 3) Being neglected as a friend as soon as a person is in a romantic relationship, for these are seen as more important relationships 4) Being financially disadvantaged for not being married and arguable never marrying. While I see the point in tax reductions for people who care for dependend persons, e.g. children, I refuse to see the point why this should be linked to marriage status. 5) Feeling compelled to defend my romantic orientation each time when people want to convince my that "I haven't met the right one yet", "will change my mind", "they have gone through the phase as well" etc. 6) Being confronted with negative stereotypes and prejudices against (older) single women.
  3. Having alarm bells ringing in the head upon hearing/reading the word "love", even if it's not meant *like that*. #littlearothings Fighting the urge to insist that not everybody wants to love/wants to be loved upon reading about the Orlando massacre, and concluding that it is not necessarily about romantic love thy're talking about. (I feel really bad about that one, tbh.) #littlearothings
  4. Yes, for me, it's the same, just as being asexual belongs here. I know that these three concepts, being single, defining as aromantic and defining as asexual, and you could also add, being celibate and living alone, are distinct, and need to be analytical separated. But humans often refuse to function like that, and since these definitions came to me simoultanously (i.e., I always self-defined as aromantic AND asexual), I am not able to separate them. Maybe there's another thing to it: does anyone have a reliable definition for "being aromantic", except for "not feeling romantic attraction"? I know that I do not experience romantic attraction, but I cannot word this feeling except for: even if I like, or love, a person really, really much and look forward to seeing them, I do not want to have a romantic relationship with them. (Additionally, I have discovered that obviously, romantic attraction comes with several corporeal sensations I have never expereinced, either.) I am not aplatonic, though. That means, I value firendships very much and am emotionally atached to them. And, as I said, I sometimes feel very connected to a person emotionally, which *may* look, on the surface, just like a crush, but isn't. Still, I do not need to be around them much, a few hours several times a moth is enough. But that depends on my mood, as well.
  5. Hanging out Gathering? Or, we could re-vive "tryst", which is an old term for "date". Haha! "Trystin' the night away".
  6. I found that funny, although I had pretty much the same experience as Cassiopeia. What bothered me, though (although it would certainly not change my result - androgynous, feminine appearance, male socialising style (?), androgynous brain processes), was that there was no option indicating that neither was a choice: sexual preference? men, women, bisexual (or that weird neologism...). Whom did you play with as a kid? same gender, opposite gender, both. Your gender identity? male, female, both (androgynous). And so on. Geez, I prefer neither gender sexually, I played alone as a kid, I do not identify in any way as male, so "androgynous" is not an option, and no alternative to classic female. What about the existence of absence in this whole issue?!
  7. I am not sure whether this is a linguistic thing, but I feel unconfortable with the term "date" in the first section. I would be willing to do much of it, but never, unless ironically, under the term of "date", since that word has a romanting ringing to it. But maybe it's really because I am not a native speaker, in German, the (english) word "date" is used for romantic dates/ initiations of romantic relationships only.
  8. Hm, I really enjoy dressing feminine, and even being charming. Somehow I refuse to aknowledge that coul be misread as romantic interest. But, tbh, and I really don't know where it comes from (maybe I am just not attractive or likeable, don't know), there is not much to handle. When I was at University, there were some guys who were interested, and it was super-emparassing to tell them that "no....". Additionally, I tried to be nice and said "I am not feeling it YET", which may be, hum.... Anyway, I don't recommend that. Maybe being very innocent when it comes to flirting helps (I never recognise flirting and never consciously flirt myself). Also, being somewhat buddy-like or being professional and distanced prevents suitors from bothering you. But sometimes I just cannot help thinking that maybe I have some invisible-to-me writing on my forehead that says "Do not approach in a romantic and/or sexual manner".
  9. Potato.... I am really starting to have romantic feelings toward this aromantic thing. I mean, I wanna marry it and have children with it. And then, I'll have a divorce and start a polyamorous relationship with ice cream and potatoes. And then, I will really be into role plays and have my potato perform as french fries or baked potatoes or as potato fritters.... Sorry, I am silly. This is what eight hours of academic work make of me.
  10. I know that one very well. I could add: YMBAI you're at your best friend's wedding and feel very happy for her, and happy for you, too, because you are single. And of course YMBAI you never imagine how your own wedding will be, not even completely theoretical ("I would have my wedding gown such and such"), because you really know, regardless of any external decision you may or may not have taken, that you will never marry.
  11. Cristina and Meredith from Grey's anatomy.
  12. I am fairly sensitive, I think. That does not mean that I cry a lot and easily (and when I do, it's a sign for depression). But I am easily overwhelmed by noises, heat, lights, many people, the problems of persons I care about (colleagues etc.), general discomfort, light physical pain, hunger, teared or stained clothes (yes!), moods, rudeness or ignorance or lack of empathy by others etc. I tend to define as either high(ly) sensitive or as introvert, or as both, and make sure my environment is as low-stimulus as possible. I tend to feel very bad if this is not the case, I feel it both physically and mentally when I am stressed out, e.g. when I am around people for too long a period of time, or in summer when it's hot outside, or when it's noisy and/or crowded. The few times I went clubbing with my friends, I sometimes got nasty panic attacks, I still know that it's time to retire when my stomach is aking. And so on. Whether this is connected to my aro-ness? Hm, I don't know, really. Maybe not. But it is certainly one of the roots for me becoming depressed during my romantic relationship: to me, it was just pure distress, being in and working on a kind of relationship I was uncomfortable with. All this drama. (It was me, who made the drama, tbh., because that's how I react when stressed out.) I was very glad when it ended and I could finally calm down. So, although I cannot really decide whether this sensitiveness is linked to the fact that I do not feel that which people call "romantic attraction" (whatever that may mean?!), it is definitely one cause for my choice to remain single and refrain from romantic and possibly even qp relationships.
  13. Well, that's the problem: same here, which is why I accepted in the first place. I didn't get that code, and it resulted in people accusing me for being rude and "changing my mind out of a sudden".
  14. C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y! "Wanna have a chat?" Sure! "Let's have a coffe some time" With pleasure! "Shall we take a stroll?" Yeah, why not? When did these innocent activities become DATES?!
  15. I would not say that being friends with an ex is impossible, I know cases where ex's are in fact very close friends. On the other hand, I have had one boyfriend, and I cannot be friends with him, I just don't want him in my life at all. I think the reason for that is that our romantic relationship (which I didn't want in the first place) ruined my (formerly very strong) feelings for him and actually wore me down a great deal. I feel I am still bitter towards this experience and regret it. I am not mad at him, to be sure. Still, I completely broke off with him, including de-friending him on Facebook.
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