Jump to content

NotHeartless

Member
  • Content Count

    104
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    9

Everything posted by NotHeartless

  1. Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.
  2. Hello and welcome to our community . It was hard for me to accept at first too, but I promise you it will get easier. We are here to support you.
  3. Dude, you're living the life I imagined for myself at one point. Sounds awesome! I've thought about looking more into the poly community. I'm very attracted by having several people to connect with on different levels (and past experiences showed me I'm not a good fit for monogamy). Still have no idea how or when to start, but I'm thankful you shared your experience with us because now I know I'd definitely would like to have something similar in life. Oh and I can only confirm it's hard to find lifelong platonic friends, I know the struggle. For the introverts / extroverts question: For a long time I assumed I'm extremly introverted but my temper was disguised by mental illness. Now I'm way better, still think I tend to be a bit more on the introverted side (long-time contact with others can exhaust me, especially when I don't know them well) but I do enjoy spending time with people and don't live like a half-eremite anymore. I flourish sometimes when I'm with certain people. Finally: Welcome to our community, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people (like me, ha) and hope you have a great time !
  4. Hello, welcome from me too! Have some ice cream - even if it's already cold outside
  5. Yeah, you're right - their relationship is healthy first of all and it shows in a wonderful way. I can imagine a lot of people around you say it's "a kid's show". They are not completly in the wrong, but it's a show teenagers and adults can watch and enjoy just as much as younger audiences. I'm always surprised how quick people are to say something is (only) for kids when it's animated or the like. I've heard critical voices about Steven Universe in regards of the pacing and the quality of the animation but otherwise, at least in my opinion, the strong points of the show overshine the weaker ones. Oh, personally I enjoy the songs of the show too . I'm also happy to meet a fellow SU fan here, most people in my enviroment don't even know about the show (unless I've told them about it ).
  6. God, I'm sorry you had such a situation in class - sounds very unpleasant. Props to you for being so honest! I don't know why teacher feel the need to ask such questions... Speaking of teachers: In 10th class, we were asked by a teacher to write about our future life. You should have seen my face because I had no idea what I wanted for my future (expect going to university). At the time I was stuck in a relationship I actually did not want but it was very complicated. My thoughts were all about "After this ends, I do not want to enter another relationship, ever". Because I was afraid to face the truth back then and I wanted the stupid task to be over, I wrote something about going to university, owning a house, having my own library (because I love books so much), having two cats and a partner. But the moment I wrote down "partner" I did not think of a lover or someone I'm married to. It was more like "yeah, I'll move in with a friend". Back then I was friends with a girl I would have done it with and subconsciously, I've thought of her. I did not think it was strange at all, it felt very natural. Other situation(s): A boy made clear he "liked me" in 5th grade and I answered "You can't be serious" and walked away. That was very rude (especially because he apparently still liked me for several years after) but I couldn't handle his feelings and the situation, at all. It was horrible for me (took me years to realize WHY exactly). I comforted a broken hearted classmate in 4th grade, who was rejected by her crush on a class trip, by saying something along the lines of the boy who rejected her is stupid anyway - my honest opinion of the guy. And if I remember correctly, I even wore a green rainjacket...hmm! (I still own a green rainjacket, lol). I was taken by surprise (I was...14?) as Kim and Ron from the Disney Cartoon "Kim Possible" suddenly kissed and were a couple and I've always wondered if it was a mistake. Or why this needed to happen, why they couldn't remain close friends, etc. Their relationship actually started to feel a little more shallow after it and I've always wondered why I felt this way (liked the show as young teenager). I was always more open to talk about sex than romance. Though sex seemed very strange for a long time, too (unless it was fictional). The romance in Disney movies either went over my head or I just did not care for it. I liked Disney movies because of the songs, speaking animals, colors and settings but never for the romance. A classmate once asked me if I would like to have children. I replied: "No". Then she asked me if I wanted to marry. I said "maybe" but wasn't fully satisfied with my own answer and wondered why once again. Just a few situations I could think of right now, today I'm not surprised I'm writing in a forum for aromantic people . Oh, and welcome @Ivan-The-AroAce to our community! It's nice to meet you! I hope you'll have a great time, we support each other as much as we can .
  7. Yes, kind of. I've never thought about romantic interaction and attraction that much, even when it was thrown around practically everywhere (even in cartoons for children). My story is a bit different; I voted "I've tried but it never felt ok". For a long time, my relation to romance was ambiguous. There was a part of me who was very curious and wanted to understand what on earth the difference between romantic and platonic love is. Then there was the part who couldn't (still can't) stand romance and almost everything people seem to view as "romantic". This part inside me is way stronger. So, my attempts did not end well and I've never felt comfortable in a romantic coded relationship. It's a mystery to me how people can want this and stay in one but whatever makes one happy, really.
  8. I guess I'm a demigod then. Not bad
  9. I had a lecture about basic chemistry and physics the other day. They were talking about how difficult and tedious it was to discover the existence of neutrons since they aren't charged. Some time after, I've thought: We aros, aces and aroaces are kind of like neutrons. We are needed too. To keep balance, even though many people don't even know we exist. We're valid nontheless and just as important as every other particle in the universe.
    (wanted to share because this thought cheered me up)

  10. (My thought process every other day 😂) Source: arohumor.tumblr.com I like this thread, good one!
  11. Here! I do like Steven Universe a lot, but I've only watched season 1 and a few eps of season 2 so far, still have to catch up. I wrote a commentary once in my German class about the show and how it manages to represent LGBTQ+ themes in a child-friendly way. Let's just say the teacher was delighted. Where the show really surprised me: I'm rather romance repulsed, but still I find Sapphire and Ruby are such a sweet couple. Garnet is one of my favortie characters but it's hard to choose one because everyone has something special about them, even the secondary characters. I adore the illustration of the relationships between the characters, be it friendship or love. The whole show gives me a secure and snug feeling for some reason, it's great.
  12. Hallo from Germany back . A triple A, yay 😎. I'm happy you've found your way to our community and I'm confident you'll find a lot of like-minded people here. Wish you a great time and many good conversations .
  13. Hello Kiki and welcome to arocalypse! I know what you mean, with the lack of a basis for aromantics irl. Hope you have a good time here and lots and lots of great conversation and understanding .
  14. Yeah, I rather dislike "boyfriend/girlfriend" too. The few times I attempted romo relationships, I used "my partner" most of the time because anything else felt too romantic to me (and made me repulsed). I like the term "zucchini" for a (queer)platonic partner because it's so unromantic and it makes me laugh for some reason (maybe because I have the image of a talking zucchini in mind whenever I read it). The closest I came to describe my feelings and relationship for/with someone is "close and very dear friend" or "someone who has a place in my heart".
  15. Absolutely, thank you! Even if someone is aro today and in love tomorrow it wouldn't make their before felt "aroness" and the way they experienced the world insignificant all of a sudden. Then every feeling or view would be meaningless at some point and it wouldn't count exclusively for people who don't fit a certain norm at a given time. People who say "it's just a phase" seem afraid their (cast in stone) worldview could fall apart or they can't handle when someone feels a different way, which is rather sad. The person who feels this way could learn A LOT if they questioned why they have a problem with someone feeling a different way when it comes to topics like e.g. aromanticism. But if everyone would think so construtctive and self-reflective, we would live in a different society anyway. People would take aromanticism and other orienations more serious from the beginning or rather...everyone would be accepted the way they are. Which would be wonderful and better than trying to argue someone out of their emotions.
  16. @Mark Thank you, I agree a lot with your words.
  17. @nonmerci Me too! Or rather I forgot there is a type of general dysphoria as well, not only in regards of physical form or gender. Well, you never stop learning .
  18. Dysphoria is often used in the context of sexuality and gender, as nonmerci already said. But I think your feeling of discomfort can count as dysphoria too. At least according to Wikipedia it says: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria *Gender* Dysphoria is obviously something different from general dysphoria. I'm not a psychologist but I think you could use the term to describe your difficult emotions because you seem to experience much unease and maybe even depression. I think everyone who doesn't fit in the "norm" experiences sometimes feelings of they are broken, not alright, an outcast, etc. I saw this a lot with asexual people too. It's very important to remember you are not broken just because you don't feel a certain way. I've felt broken a lot in my life, not only because of my aromanticism, and it helped me to remember everyone has their problems and difficult emotions no matter what the outer circumstances may be or who they are.
  19. Have you talked with her about these partifcular feelings? I don't have a concrete solution for your situation but know you are understood. The thoughts about you wanting somebody(s) to truly care about you are very understandable to me. I think it's the most important thing to talk with her about your emotions and maybe things turn out differently than you expect. The times I was in such a situation it always turned out bad because I communicated too little and got my head caught up in societal expectations - without actually knowing the expectations of my opposite. For example, maybe your girlfriend is cool with not using pet names (all the time) or is okay that she calls you in a specific way but you don't have to. There are times where it's important to step back and just observe before you put yourself in different categories even if it's hard for you to endure. I think it's very natural you feel happy someone cares about you in a deeper way and doesn't throw you away just like that (that's not okay at all). I see this independent of romance because many people feel better when they know they can really count on someone else - we are social creatures after all. It's a question of "what does each of us need to feel happy and comfortable?" and then you have to look if you can come together and compromise - or not. I understand you don't want to lose the feeling of being someone's most important person in life but you don't want to hurt her either so it's important you guys talk about what you want.
  20. I don't know either but your story reminded me of the time in elementary school where I had a male best friend and I reacted upset whenever somebody would only suggest we had a crush on each other or said we were cute together. I also panicked as I thought another boy in my class had a crush on me. Very interesting you had similar feelings in such situations (and so early in life).
  21. I see where you're coming from. The exclusivity of romantic relationships may be difficult to understand, especially to an aro. Affection between friends is definitely possible but you need to find the right people who are open to cuddling with you or even a kind of "friends with benefits" situation. That's rather hard to find because a lot of people, who are able to develop romantic attraction, often fall in love with the person they have sex with. On the other hand, there are people (aro or not) who could maintain such a relationship - it depends on the person. I once had a friend who was really open to cuddling, he actually made me familiar with the whole "friends can be affectionate too"-thought. There are people who draw a sharper line between "romantic partner / friends" but there are a lot of people who don't define it that much or feel like the lines are blurred between platonic and romantic attraction, etc. I can't really answer your questions because I've never been seriously in love. But! People describe it as an obsession over a particular person, the person gives them very good feelings (to put it simple), like butterflies, they feel happy just at the thought or sight of the other person, they need to smile a lot around them and they seem to put them on a kind of pedestal. I'm not very qualified to talk about such feelings but I think the person you are in love with stands out because of the hormonal changes within your brain, too. Being in love or having a crush does have an impact on the reward center within your brain, for example. I guess a lot of idealization comes into play as well. A lot of people open up on a different emotional level when they are in love. They seem to feel a lot more vulnerable with the person they are in love with because e.g. they have high expectations on their love interest (like, the other person being their source of happiness *forever* or for a very long time, at least). Now, at the beginning of a new romantic relationship everything could fall apart more easily because the "butterflies" (hormonal influcenes) can disappear and sometimes only then people seem to realize if they fit with the other person or not or if the relationship could last. There is the saying of "love is blind" <- that's exactly what the sentence hints at. Romantic love seems like a drug to the brain and after the drugs fades, romantic realtionships are based on enjoying the other person's company, sharing much of each other's lives with each other and being happy this way. For allosexuals, sex plays a huge role in romantic relationships too, which is often equated with intimacy (ofc intimacy can happen in many ways because it depends on what someone understands under the term). I don't get the whole romantic relationship thing myself and why it's so different from friendship - that's a central aspect of how I realized I'm aro. We like to call this a sexual crush, or "lush". It's not uncommon in aro folks who are not asexual. That you want to know as much as possible about the girl you have this attraction on signals your platonic attraction to her for me. Finally, my thoughts on your personal situation: I can only write from the information you provided about yourself but I was depressed, emotionally instable and anxious for a long time. I kind of enjoyed breaking hearts (and feeling guilty right after it) because I had all these negative emotions within me which affected my treatment of others (and of myself ofc) in a strong way. I was suffering so I made other's suffer too, maybe to feel not as miserable (which did not help at all but I lived in the illusion it would). I think, when you act like an asshole or in a psychopathic way (I'd say it's probably more egoistic than psychopathic) it's to protect yourself because you are hurt and scared - especially when you have had very bad experiences with realtionships in general. And let me tell you: it's easier for us to act in such a way than facing what hurts us upfront. We often try to avoid the pain but in doing so, we create more pain. You wrote it yourself: you act like you don't care about other people's emotions. You may feel this way because if we want to deeply care for others, we need to take care of ourselves first. You can't help or love someone (in which way ever) when you are not at peace with yourself. It sounds cheesy, but it's the truth I've experienced. Laughter (especially on heavy topics like death) can be a reaction of deep despair. All of this can have an affect on you feeling (or not feeling) romantic attraction, but your other sentiments (like not really getting the difference between romantic and platonic relationships) does sound aromantic to me. The term fictoromantic (or fictosexual) exists for people who get crushes on fictional characters, but fiction isn't reality in my opinion. You can feel certain feelings for fictional characters without ever experiencing them IRL for people of flesh and blood. If you want to differentiate it or if you would like to call yourself aromantic, only you can know and decide.
  22. Hm, yeah I observed the perception of romance changes from time to time within me. Before learning about aromanticism I was rather positive about romance (provided that it wasn't directed towards me and I always found romantic movies very boring). Now I have times when I'm more repulsed, another time I can feel more neutral again. Once I realized I don't feel romantic feelings myself I stopped pushing myself to feel something I just don't and it changed my perception. It's connected to the media I consume, too. Such lyrics as you wrote down can make me shiver sometimes, other times I'm less or not bothered when I really like the melody/beat of the song, etc. However, cheesy romantic comedies or "serious" romance movies make me very repulsed most of the time. It's boredom mixed with a feeling of "ew" for me so I stay away from watching them (there can be exceptions, really depends on the execution).
  23. Hey Pessimism and welcome to our aro community . I know what you mean and I'm happy our forum is enriched by people like you who can provide a different perspective (like every single one here) or maybe even help confused aros a little out . Because yeah, feelings are definitely confusing and they can mislead us so much. I wish you a great time here!
  24. Hello to all of you and I welcome you to arocalypse . I think the activity fluctates but compared to other forums (like Aven's) it's a bit quieter indeed. Be free to talk about anything you'd like to discuss here; I wish you a great time .
×
×
  • Create New...