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About NotHeartless

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/23/1995

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    student(pharmacy, it's basically chemistry)
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    something multisexual

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  1. Regarding "sad as an aro"...
    I currently need to take care of old wounds. I met new people in my life, people I get along with great but I still need to think about the friendships I had which are now shattered to pieces.
    I feel especially upset about two people, a guy and a girl. Both of them led me down though I don't want to picture myself as "perfect friend". I am not flawless and I can behave like an ass. But I still feel so betrayed and misunderstood.
    For the girl, her relationship to her lover was way more important than me - though I knew her for years and stood by her side through thick and thin, through every heartbreak, through her depression and everything.
    For the dude, even though we knew much about each other and had a few years together, he was damn selfish and his satisfaction of needs was the most important thing. Not me nor his own gf. He wasn't interested in me, I was only a tool.
    Seriously guys, I don't fall in love but I feel like my love is scattered all over my friendships. New and old, bad and good. The memories hurt like hell at the moment, especially the memories of the girl. I probably behave like a drama king but I need to get this out because a) here are most likely people who understand me and b) I felt so numb the last weeks. Maybe this is one cause.
    It hurts so much when you like/platonically love someone and they seem to don't give a fuck about you after all.
    I have empathy and can understand many things, regarding human emotions. I understand when a friend falls in love and they want to spend much time with their lover. But there are boundaries, e.g. when I get abandoned after months and they never call me or if they do, they only want to talk about their relationship all the time.
    At the same time I'm mad at the separation of lovers/friends. It causes so much grief and anger inside of me, at this very moment. Our society is so strange. And I feel so cold, lonely and separate from so many people.
    I don't mind being alone but feeling a permanent gap between you and others because of amatonormativity is just...so...devastating. For me. I hate being so emotional. And they say aros don't have feelings or don't love anyone. Hahahaha...good one. I always hated my sensitivity (yeah I know, so much about self-love).
    I empty my glass of whiskey and sign off, I'm sorry for this mess. Kind of.
    At least I finally feel something right now and not only emptiness. If anyone can relate: you're welcome!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. NotHeartless


      @Zorcodtoa hey there, fellow sufferer. I like your analogy and agree with you (though I'm more indifferent with citrus fruits).
      Thanks for the reply - it's always a good feeling to know I'm not alone with certain emotions.

    3. Anything_but_allo


      Hi there friend. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this, but I 100% feel your pain. Society itself, due to amatanormativity, just accepts this behavior as “normal” because so many people view romance as more important to friendships, when for aros and even allos it can harm them , and the whole ideal that romance is more important is simply not true. People jsut don’t understand friendship heartbreak can be jsut as powerful. But always remember that even in your darkest time, when you feel so alone, you have us. You can come here to rant. I’ve been going through this right now too in real life, so you’re not alone. I hope things begin to become brighter for you, I hope you do well. Thank you for venting and you can always talk to us 💚

    4. NotHeartless


      @Anything_but_allo I'm sorry you are going through this in real life too but then...of course you know how much it hurts.
      It really does feel like friendship heartbreak. I'm glad I can finally put this feeling into words after years of wondering.
      Your words made me smile a little, thank you so much for your message. I'm very happy this place exists and to know you are all here and you'll understand. 
      I hope you get better with time as well or via talking here too. You seem like such a gentle and sweet person and I don't want you to feel bad.

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