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Freyja

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About Freyja

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    Freyja

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  1. I forget when exactly but some time during middle school, I had met a boy online and I thought it was the greatest thing ever because I loved romances. So naturally we talked and became virtual bf/gf. Then one morning he messaged me “good morning, beautiful” like he always does, but as I read it, bile immediately rose to my throat. I felt this uncomfortable heaviness in my chest that physically weighed me down but also this strong urge to run away; to just physically get away even though he was nowhere near me. I stopped talking to him altogether that day and cried out of anger and confusion. I still like doing him but out of no where I felt disgusted by him trying to romance me even though it was what I wanted and I easily now felt nothing for him. Since then, I’ve been struggling with myself.
  2. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. No one around me understands... I wish we had a recognized word to define ourselves. Affectiomantic? Affectio-Aromantic? Affectio-Aro? (Affectio is apparently Latin for “affection”)
  3. I’ve never been on a web forum before but I’m tired of feeling so isolated, invalidated, and confused. I’m a bit ignorant on the topic so I don’t know how to properly define myself. I have no problem loving someone but it’s hard for me to be in love and stay in love. I have a boyfriend and I’ve wanted one for so long. I grew up reading romances but anyone who came along gave me anxiety and caused a “flight” response in me. I didn’t feel satisfaction from attraction being directed towards me. I thought it was a commitment issue at first but even when I was mentally and physically attracted to someone, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t feel in love with them. Even now, I love my boyfriend but I don’t think I feel consistently in love. I’m not even sure what being in love means or feels like. I feel like I could walk away from this relationship with a tear or two over a lost friendship but other days I feel like I need him... but maybe I’m not in love with him. Maybe I just like how he makes me feel and I don’t want to be lonely anymore? I don’t know. Maybe one day I can fall in love and stay that way and know for sure what it feels like. It takes a lot for me to have romantic feelings. It rarely happens and I need an emotional connection first but even then, I can’t feel all aspects of romance. I can have sex without feelings but someone has to be my friend for years before I can even begin to feel romantic attraction. But I want to feel it. I’ve cried so many times for not being able to feel it for good people. I’m a hopeless romantic for heaven’s sake! Okay sorry for rambling. I just feel so lost, and that I’m the most unnecessarily complex and burdensome person. Glad this is anonymous lol
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