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Everything posted by TripleA

  1. First video: Are Aces/Aros LGBT?: I just wanted to let you know that I've started a new channel dealing with ace and Aro topics, such as discourse, what Asexuality and Aromanticism are, etc. as an Aro. A lot of the videos about these topics on YouTube are by people who have the same opinions as each other, and so I wanted to put out my perspective. Watch it if you want and leave me suggestions as to what videos to make next if you want to.
  2. https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aromantic_Allosexual I understand that this was made to be just an alloaro flag, but I believe it can work to be used by all aromantics, the meanings don't need to be changed. I like the meanings and the design looks better. I mean, from what I know, the aro flag has not been finalised as the ace flag has been, sooo
  3. I don't think it's an issue with my aromanticism, but with my touch aversion, I don't want anyone near me usually. I am between being solo or having one other person (a partner) and having separate beds. two allo aros? lol I find it hard finding other allo aros
  4. actually saying grey, demi, etc. romantic people are aromantic is harming the community. This over inclusion is harming the community. Eventually everyone will be able to say they're aro bc the word would lose its meaning if we keep letting allo people (or what you guys call aro-spec) just say they're aromantic, this then lets arophobes say that actual aromantics are just less attracted people and that they're lying about having no romantic attraction, which is not true. It's arophobia to let non aro people say they're aro just because they want to be included where they don't belong. Just because there are maybe one or two similarities, doesn't mean we are the same. Like how bi and gay people aren't the same just because they both experience same sex attraction. Maybe people should just be ok with what they actually are. if you're greyromantic, great, if you're demiromantic, great. It's not bad to be alloromantic. I don't want people who aren't aromantic speaking for me when they don't understand what it's like to be aromantic themselves. I wouldn't speak for greyromantics bc I don't know what it's like to be greyromantic, because that's...I think greyphobic would be the word? People like myself are constantly silenced just because people want to virtue signal and be over-inclusive, and it's erasing aros who do not subscribe to the "aromantic spectrum" idea. Why are we favouring people who aren't actually aro over actual aros with a different opinion? It sounds like aro erasure to me. Like maybe accept that, yes, grey, demi, lith, etc. romantics can go and be in aro/ace spaces (unless it's a specific ace and aro only place) and talk about the things they relate to them on (aka not having a conventional way of feeling romantic attraction), but they aren't aro themselves. I still go to aro/ace spaces or more ace biased "aro/ace spaces" (like AVEN) even though I'm not ace, but I understand that I am not ace. You could also just be an aro ally which is cool as well. I'd refer to myself as an ace ally.
  5. people who feel excluded from what I say are probably not actually aromantic. Not everything is about inclusion. Like we wouldn't let bi people say they're gay (seriously) just because they experience same sex attraction like gay people do, so why would we let people who just don't experience romantic attraction as often (which is pretty normal) say they're aro? Also, you could consider gay as an umbrella term in a sense too. I don't relate to people who just don't experience romantic attraction as much as other allos or only under certain circumstances because I am aromantic, whilst they are not. Also, my definition (aka the actual definition) of aromantic isn't outdated or incomplete, it's perfectly accurate for every aromantic. Some definitions are best kept simple, like this one. Also, it isn't just me who believes this, I know others that do. Just because a lot of people want to be over-inclusive, doesn't mean that the whole aro community is for that, that's just arophobic in itself. If we are going to use these 2 definitions, when why not have a specific flag for the first definition for actual aromantic people to use?
  6. I clearly said that I think greyromantics, demiromantics, frayromantics etc. are valid so I don't understand how I would break that rule anyway. There's a difference between saying that a term outright doesn't exist and saying that these terms are valid but they aren't the same as something else aka, me saying grey, demi, etc. aren't aro doesn't invalidate them being grey or demi, etc. itself, but it does mean that it invalidates them being aromantic, since they don't fit the definition of what it means or what it represents.
  7. Well I said my opinion fairly respectively from what I remember, so idk. Also I get confused whether it was that server or another server where I got banned just because I said I don't like social justice in a political channel, whilst social justice was the actual topic of discussion, whilst everyone else were allowed to say they were for it. Well sometimes there is a line between being inclusive of every trans person for example (nb people are trans and so it makes sense they're included on the flag since they have gender dysphoria like binary trans people) and using a flag that includes aromantics and non aromantics - the latter, to me, is just being way too inclusive. Like gay is also both an umbrella term sometimes and a specific label, but the gay flag is only supposed to be gay people or just lgbt as a whole, not for gay and bisexuals, etc. So how come Aromantics only get a flag that encompasses many terms that aren't aro (having no romantic attraction) but demi, lith, fray, grey, etc. have their own specific flags that are perfectly fine to use? Also, I wouldn't call aromantic an umbrella term. Oh yeah, I actually forgot that was the case for the ace flag. However, I've never seen anywhere where it says that one of the stripes on the aro flag meant similarly.
  8. they aren't aromantic. if you have romantic attraction, you're allo. I don't want people searching up Aromanticism and being confused bc they found out some "aros" can have romantic attraction, it confuses me and everyone else. It just seems like they want to be special - you can be grey, or demi, etc. but that doesn't make you any less allo. Aromantic: no romantic attraction greyromantic (for example): little romantic attraction How is that not contradictory... It's not a spectrum. Not everything is a spectrum. Stop saying alloromantics can be aro just because they may not experience romantic attraction as often - guess what? loads of alloromantics are greyromantic or demiromantic - in fact, my best friend is demiromantic (demihomoromantic specifically), but she's still allo and she knows that, and she's fine with not being included with people who are actually aromantic. Demiromantic, Frayromantic and Greyromantic people are normal, alloromantic people. It's like when lesbians get rightfully mad when a straight man starts calling himself a lesbian, when he is clearly not. If we lump in all of this other stuff Aromanticism will lose its meaning altogether eventually. It's rude to say people are aro when they're not just to feel special or to seem different. Also, greyromantics, demiromantics, lithromantics, etc. all have their own flags for their own labels and there are many others like themselves to talk to. Aromantics don't have a flag that is just for them specifically, but these others do? I think it's fair for aros to have their own flag which is just for actual aromantics, like demiromantics have their own flag for actual demiromantics, etc. I support equality, after all.
  9. Not wanting sensual stuff like hand holding or hugging doesn't mean you're aromantic btw, it would make you asensual. But I think you could be Aromantic.
  10. Disclaimer: It looks like I have to point this out (bc otherwise people will just twist my words), but I don't think greyromantic and demiromantic people, etc. don't exist, their experiences are valid, I just think they should stick to using their own flags instead of trying to use a flag that doesn't represent them. I'm glad that there are demi and grey and lith flags for those people to use for their own labels, instead of needing to use the Aromantic flag when it doesn't represent them. Also, I don't care if demiromantics, greyromantics, etc. want to use these forums to help them learn about Aromanticism or to help support an Aromantic friend or family or whatever. This site is clearly for everyone who doesn't experience romantic attraction as conventionally as Alloromantics do, including Alloromantics in the grey area of Alloromanticism like greyromantics, demiromantics, lithromantics, etc. I also don't believe Aromanticism is on a spectrum, you either have romantic attraction (aka you're Alloromantic) or you don't. At least read what I have to say and discuss this civilly. Why do Greyromantics, demiromantics, etc. Get their own flag while Aromantics have a flag in which the grey and demi romantics are just squished in when they aren't Aromantic? Here is the Demiromantic flag, used only by those who only experience romantic attraction when they form a close, emotional bond with someone: Here is the Greyromantic flag, used only by those who experience romantic attraction rarely: This is the Lithromantic/Akoiromantic flag, used only by those who have romantic attraction but don't want to actually have a romantic relationship or have their feelings reciprocated: And this is the Aromantic flag, which is supposed to be used by only those who experienced no romantic attraction at all: ...oh wait, no it's not, it has the grey stripes to represent greyromantic people, who have romantic attraction and already have their own flag... This doesn't make any sense. Why do people who have romantic attraction have to be lumped into a flag that should only be for those with no romantic attraction, if they have their own flags which are just for them that people already know about and use? I don't mind Idemromantics, cupioromantics using the Aro flag because they are actually Aromantic, they have no romantic attraction at all, unlike grey and demiromantic people, who are Alloromantic. Those are just Aromantics with microlabels, and that's fine. I just find it a bit unfair. Why can't Aromantics get their own flag to represent no sexual or romantic attraction like how greyromantic people can get their own specific flag to represent how they only experience romantic attraction rarely? It's like if a bisexual woman used the lesbian flag - it just doesn't make sense, since the lesbian flag is only for women who are exclusively sexually attracted to other women. Bisexual women are attracted to both genders, and they already have their own flag representing that. You get what I mean? By the way I have, in fact, designed a new Aromantic flag just for Aromantic people to use, like how demi, grey, etc, romantics have their own flags for them to use, which I will link here: http://aminoapps.com/p/fr5dgh
  11. Well what do you believe would be the best definition of alterous attraction then? Also what is the 'obvious flaw' with part 2?
  12. So, I've made a few 'memes' that have helped me and thought could help you guys figure out your orientation. There are three links, which take you to my posts on the AroAce United Amino. Attraction Scales: https://aminoapps.com/c/aroaceunited/page/blog/attraction-scales/lq4e_l6UQu8V0R4VJGEbqj3pW3zo35Vno Attraction Scales 2: https://aminoapps.com/c/aroaceunited/page/blog/attraction-scales-2/4EKB_k7iYuboemwJ5bZbeLPKGE1KNZkqJr TLDR - All you have to do is mark on the scale how often you experience 5 types of attraction: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual and alterous. The 2nd Attraction Scales further breaks it down into how often you experience these attractions between men and women. Romantic Checklist: https://aminoapps.com/c/aroaceunited/page/blog/romantic-checklist/xBZ0_vLf2ux13bPpQMJGvRZqaqnEPg3vzq TLDR - you answer whether you'd either say yes, no, maybe or I don't know to 22 activities that are seen as 'romantic'. Feel free to use these to help you, or not. I haven't done the Romantic Checklist one myself yet!
  13. Welcome, I hope you have a great time here ^.^
  14. So I was doing a couple surveys and saw the word, 'Polyaffectionate' come up, after seeing 'Polyamourous' - obviously I wouldn't be Polyamourous because I don't want a romantic relationship, I don't mind having multiple qpp/other partnerships/friends with benefits however. I am not sure whether Polyaffectionate means you are okay with sensual stuff with multiple people or not, can someone explain it to me?
  15. Just warning you lot, this will be long, but I'd appreciate it if you read this all the way through - maybe get a drink and a snack! So, I currently have some alterous feelings for a woman (which is actually not too common for me), and so I don't see her in a romantic or sexual light - I mean, she's very attractive, and if she wanted to have sex with me, I would definitely oblige, but I never really thought the usual 'she's fit' until my mum tried to assume I was only sexually attracted to her (which isn't unusual for me, I'm open with my homosexuality), I was actually just telling her how kind and nice this woman was. I've had 2 friends think that I love this woman romantically, because I'm so attached to her, but I'm not sure. To give a bit of context, she's probably in her mid to late twenties (I've never asked her age), has just had a child with her boyfriend, and she works at this restaurant I go to often of which her mother also works at. I'll just call her A. So, I believe my alterous feelings started becoming prevalent after a month or so (So around November time last year) of going there and talking with A; usually the restaurant didn't have that many people, and so we would talk about our lives and such, like how good friends do. I always feel comfortable whenever I'm there, and I feel that I do care about A a lot. For example, while she were pregnant, I saw that she was still smoking, and I shared my concern with her (whilst being polite and establishing that she was a grown woman who can choose what to do with her body), and made sure she knew about the risks and stuff, and she took it really well, and she assured me that she knew about it. I also sometimes offer to help if either A or her mother were struggling with something e.g. if they'd just received some bags of food to use in the kitchen. Now, I do have some 'symptoms' of a typical romantic crush, and I don't know if anyone else with alterous crushes/squishes experience these as well, and those are that I think about A a lot, she's frequently on my mind and I talk about her a lot (not in great detail but I'm sure one or two people have noticed), and I also have had a few times where I'd feel nervous and have second thoughts about going in the restaurant (part of this was due to the fact that they don't have any open/closed signs and it took me some time to recognise when the place was open and closed). I felt like I would be bothering people or I'd be nervous around A, despite nothing bad happening between us; I see us as good friends, but she probably just sees me as a nice, regular customer who likes her and her mother's food. Now, I don't get nervous at all, and I always feel happy and confident when I see A. I don't see her as often because she has been looking after her baby, but I do see her enough, and I sometimes ask her mother about how she and the baby are doing, and nothing bad as of yet. However, as with all the 'crushes' I've had, I never got jealous or upset when I found out she had a boyfriend, like I was just like "eh, oh well", and got over it. I am perfectly fine with being good friends with her, if that would develop into a stronger friendship or not. The friendzone doesn't really bother me, I'm not a jealous person. Now, with my last alterous crush (which was like 5-6 years ago) I was very much okay with opening up emotionally with her. With A, whilst I haven't I said a lot about my problems in life (I've had worse mental health problems since January this year), I have been honest about not feeling too great a few times, and I have openly cried in her presence when I was really struggling, and she and her mother left me to it (which I'm grateful for). My feelings for A became even more prevalent (to the point I started wondering what sort of connection I had with her) when I started to have worse anxiety and depression, and this is a common trend with my alterous crushes (well, out of the maybe 2/3 I've had). I also started questioning my romantic orientation in January, so this somewhat makes sense, as I have gone through all the 'crushes' I had or all of the women I've felt somewhat strongly for and questioned whether I had any romantic feelings or desires or not. As for A, I haven't really. I once dreamt that she was asking me what to call her (so we had somehow started a secret relationship or something), and I remember being very surprised in the dream and after waking up from it. Do I find her aesthetically attractive? Yes, definitely, I am very into older women, much more than those my age. Sexually attractive? No, but I wouldn't turn down sex with her for a second, after all she's the type of woman I usually like sexually. Do I want affection from her? Not really, but I don't like touch most of the time anyway, I don't think I've known her long enough to feel comfortable with that. Maybe I'd feel okay with a hug if I knew about it, like with most people I am friends with. Do I think she's cute? YES. She's so cute when she smiles or giggles, and she looks cute in general (like aesthetically) - which I guess could be seen as a romantic thing, but it's like when I find my pets cute, if that makes sense. Am I romantically attracted to her? Well, I don't know, I never thought of wanting to be her partner, and knowing she's in a relationship may be a part of that. If she were single (and at least bi), then maybe I would want something like a QPR or a close friendship, I only think of us as good friends, as I said earlier. That's all I'm gonna write, ask me to explain anything you don't fully understand XD
  16. saying that aromantics can experience romantic attraction at all is contradictory to the definition of the word. You either have romantic attraction or you don't have any. And not every alloromantic falls in love all the time, that's unrealistic. Many allos can relate to being grey or demi romantic, because they also experience romantic attraction less frequently. If you experience any romantic attraction, no matter now often or under what circumstances you experience it, you're alloromantic, whether that's just homoromantic, biromantic, etc. or you are demi heteroromantic or grey biromantic, etc. Why would grey and demi romantics have to add an alloromantic orientation beside their grey or demi label so it makes sense? Because they're still alloromantic.
  17. ever heard of free speech? I think you need to read what he said again, I haven't seen any point where he invalidates being grey or demi romantic - hell he has labelled himself as greyromantic before. I'll use an example to help explain: It's like when I say depression (as in the mental illness) is not a disability, it's obviously still valid and one of the most common mental illnesses, but it is not the same as a disability. Actually I think he is completely within his right to state his opinion on the matter, to me he has not been disrespectful. Policing someone and sharing an opinion are not the same thing. To answer the question at hand, I don't use the term a-spec or aro-spec because I don't subscribe to the idea that aromanticism is on a spectrum, same with asexuality. I've most often seen a-spec being used, however, for asexuals and aromantics, and both of those "spectrums". I just say aromantics (or aros) and asexuals (or aces). Using a term to refer to asexuality and aromanticism may confuse people, and they should be separated to "ace-spec" and "aro-spec" if you believe they are on "spectrums"
  18. I agree I'm autistic and I take offense to that. Autism is not a social construct; it may cause issues in social interaction, but it's a condition you are born with. Neither are other mental or physical disabilities. Also mental illness and mental disability are not the same thing. grey and demi are still alloromantic because grey and demi romantics still experience romantic attraction just like alloromantics no one is saying that greyromanticism or demiromanticism don't exist; they're valid. All we're saying is that demi and greyromantics are still alloromantic - that's not the same as saying they don't exist.
  19. This is what I want too, except with some sexual aspect to it. Yeah, I think it conforms to ananormativity, and it's just confusing to me. I think hugging is a very platonic gesture and maybe high fives, but I think some good friends cuddle and it's not romantic. Kissing and holding hands, I'm not sure, it depends on the intent in a way. I don't like touch unless it's an occasional hug from a good friend, it's my family or it's my 'partner'
  20. Today I was called disgusting for not experiencing any romantic attraction to those I'd have sex with by a friend :')

    1. NotHeartless


      Yeah....friend? You're sure?
      Maybe that was "just" the initial reaction and they felt sorry afterwards but I'm in doubt.

    2. TripleA


      no I think that's what she thinks

    3. aro_elise


      well i'd feel disgusted if a sexual partner were romantically attracted to me.  some people just think their way is the only right way.  sorry to hear about it.

  21. I have an aro ring as well
  22. For me, I've always been more neutral or indifferent, but sometimes I'm more negative/repulsed. Like holding hands with someone in that way makes my skin crawl, and I get freaked out a lot when someone asks me out or has a crush on me, and I cannot speak to them at all. I also like reading romantic stuff but only if it's gay and it's well written, I mainly watch romcoms for the comedy and not the romance at all, for example. I've noticed it more this year as I've been questioning my romantic orientation. I remember being asked out for the first time and I immediately said no, even though I was sad that no one liked me (bc the other girls went on dates and I didn't want to be left out), and I also remember always being asked to marry this one boy all the time at age 7, and it felt so uncomfortable - part of it was because I've always disliked boys in that way, even before I liked girls, but I've just realised whilst writing this that maybe this could also be an early sign of romance repulsion. I don't know.
  23. Are there any Aro related channels or Aromantic creators on YouTube you'd recommend?
  24. Personally, I do use SAM as usually Aromantics are always seen as also Asexual, and my lesbianism is very prominent when it comes to my different attractions (besides romantic). Since, I'm not out to many people as Aro, I'm still questioning, I do usually just say I'm Gay/Lesbian, but besides that I always say I'm an Aromantic Lesbian or Aromantic Homosexual for extra clarification (I've gotten comments from a couple confused people thinking I was saying I was Aromantic and Homoromantic). I do, of course, usually say I'm questioning too.
  25. YES I DO. I mean it makes sense for me because I'm homosexual, homosensual and homoalterous, so I'm already lesbian.
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