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byye_ology

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About byye_ology

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 10/18/1999

Personal Information

  • Name
    Lili
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Romanticism
    aro (+romance repulsed)
  • Sexuality
    ace (+sex repulsed)

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  1. byye_ology

    Feeling Down About Love In General

    Yeahhhh ok. This is so helpful. Trying to interpret how I show affection first (like all my natural inclimations). Then....I guess I'll get some guts and let them know. Really, thanks! I was hoping I wouldn't go into friendship burnout or something by how I was doing things.
  2. byye_ology

    Feeling Down About Love In General

    Thanks for the welcome! No need to apologize. You're so right. I don't think that the things I feel deepen friendships are that significant to many of my friends. And tbh...I'm probably the opposite of your mentor, slow to declare friends, even if they started calling me a friend earlier. Yeah... I guess it just takes me *much* longer and I have to do it in tiny bursts. I think I'm finally a bit more open with my friends of 6 years (! hm I don't blame them ever questioning the depth of our friendship). They were the only ones I felt mattered coming out to, so they're the only ones who I came out to, and when I let them know that, they were flattered/happy/surprised. True... I realized that people appreciate these things. And they aren't too draining either. I can definitely try doing these more (esp sharing my opinions..I shouldn't wait until I'm asked so much. I can see how that can seem that I don't care). I think I do the detail thing often...it's possible I need to bring more of MYSELF into my friendships. I really appreciate this insight! Thx
  3. Hey! I'm Lili. I'm 19. I'm new here and I'm new to forums in general I discovered the aroace label a few months ago and I'm finally beginning to accept it. However, I feel like my repulsions + my personality have created one giant identity that makes it difficult for me to show love. I unconsciously grew up with this idea that, once I finally found my partner, I would become a fountain of love (lol do not ask me why I had this idea...hm amatonormativity is so strange, amirite). Accepting my aroaceness gave me a reality check. It came along with the discoveries that I was sex, romance, and touch repulsed & not actually interested in relationships (probably not even a qpr). I don't think I ever had trauma but the repulsions are so strong that they have affected my friendships for, like, ever...tbh I envy the aroaces who can cuddle their friends and all. [+ : I'm also pretty bad & often shy in articulating my affection...like saying I love you to family is even difficult. And I'm so easily drained from socializing, so it's tiring to have frequent/long-lasting hangouts. I kinda stay detached from most people to save my energy...keeping only a few friends at a time.] Friendships have been the only relationships I really ever cared for, but my love languages seem to be too discrete or incompatible with others. Ex: As much as my repulsion allows, I like helping my friends with their relationship issues and I might even quickly hug them if they're really down. So.... It really hurts when friends (and squishes? I'm not sure on that yet) question if I really consider us good friends. It has happened too many times...even with someone I have mutually declared a best friend. Even family members, though they understand my expressions of love, have joked about how distant I keep my friends. I would just like to express platonic love in a properly communicable way because it makes me feel like a Bad Friend. I've looked into love languages for help, but it mostly made me more conflicted (quality time, I guess, but again I have a lower need for irl interactions than my more extroverted friends). I got a good amount of love...it's just not translating Thanks for reading my whole vent I hope I didn't sound whiny or anything. if you have any advice/suggestions/comments, it would be appreciated! Maybe...about how to be more open in my words or feelings with my friends--cuz that's seriously hard for me, in writing or speech. Maybe.. that you relate. Or... whatever you find fit to say! I'm trying avoid the same sadness I just got over.
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