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Autumn

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About Autumn

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  • Name
    Autumn
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her
  • Romanticism
    Aromantic
  • Sexuality
    Asexual

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  1. I don't think it has to be positive as long as it's constructive/civil. The whole point about talking about the relationship between the communities isn't just complimenting them, but giving feedback on what ways they maybe should and shouldn't change. They are separate communities and honestly I think being able to openly contrast them and point out current issues would do more for both tackling the general conflation between the two identities as well as simply how another community with quite a lot of overlapping members can be a better support.
  2. Hi there! Not sure if these count since they are all in the 'planned idea' or 'first draft' stages of existence, but I have several stories in the works that includes aro and ace spec characters. Some of them are novels (one novel series is an urban fantasy where one character is aroace, and one I'm realizing is probably bisexual greyromantic, possibly demi). My fantasy short stories series that I started has an aroace lead (most the rest of the cast I haven't decided orientations for yet). As for none novels/written works I do have an aro-spec superhero that will eventually be an origin novel followed by a comic book series (her 'sidekick' and eventual best friend is aro-spec too). And I have a film idea that's based on the concept of 'fantasy buddy cop style film' where one half of the main duo is aroace (I do admittedly write a lot of ace aros simply because it comes more naturally to me by far, but I am starting to branch out a bit!). So there are some medium-future to far-future stories coming up depending on when I'm able to get them done. Your webcomic sounds really cool by the way! I'll check it out some time, I totally agree the media needs more rep for the aromanticism and asexuality. Unfortunately because of the lack of rep I don't personally know any currently existing recommendations for that. But I'm also really interested to see if others have any!
  3. I ultimately went with changing policies, because I think that is something we can push for even while building aro awareness through trying to get media rep and more aro in person groups (which I would put as a close second and third priority), since while such policies especially hurt aros, there are also many single allo people who are hurt by them too, so we could go after them from a number of angles. Most other movements seem to focus around a specific set of policy change or changes (and combating the policies would in turn be combating amatonormativity, which could be an educational side of the movement too). That said I do agree media rep and in person groups are equally important for the community for spreading awareness and reaching out to many aros who might still be feeling isolated or confused, as well as making organized protest more doable.
  4. That is a tough one...at a certain point if he won't hear it he won't hear it, but if the literal definition isn't cutting it then maybe try comparisons to something he knows? Like, bring up someone you know he is very-much-in-no-way-attracted-to-at-all, bonus points if it is a girl in his age range, and ask how he KNOWS he isn't attracted to that person, or to focus on that lack of feeling and say that likewise, you feel that lack of feeling with everyone. Allo people DO know what not feeling attraction to a specific person feels like, but they struggle with the idea that someone wouldn't experience it, so bringing the idea to something more "grounded" might help. As for romance, all I can think for explaining it is 'I have never had any experience resembling how people describe crushes' or something similar...really there's only so many ways to describe something without going into analogies (which you could try! I don't know any good ones offhand though, but it could be a helpful tool). Dunno if this helps, but hopefully your friend comes around eventually!
  5. Hi there! I responded to your post on aven, but here I feel I can give a more detailed answer. As a sex repulsed ace, on the sexuality side of your question all I can definitely say is that I have seen a lot of aces who don't mind/like sex without feeling the actual attraction, so if you have never felt the desire to have sex with someone then there is a decent chance you are aspec. On the aro side of things, I can say a lot more. As for how and when I discovered I was ace and later aro was that I never had crushes either. In middle school everyone was dating, talking about dating or breakups, etc, while I thought they were being dramatic weirdos because I had no interest in any of that. High school is more so when I really started experimenting with the ace label mentally, and over time it became more and more comfortable. I wasn't too worried about my romantic orientation since I had no intention to date, but eventually I became more aware/accepting, partially by acknowledging that once you're in high school you are mostly past the 'late bloomer' stage. Now I fully accept I'm aro, and if I do get a crush someday then well guess I'm greyro and that will be fine too. So, you do sound aro or greyro to me, and possibly ace. Aro people get told they 'just have high standards' and the like all the time unfortunately, since people seem to have a hard time grasping the idea that someone might not want romance (or sex for certain types of aces). I know no one usually believed me in middle school when I said I wasn't interested in romance, or else thought it was weird. But I assure you it is entirely normal, at any age, and if identifying as such gives you any feeling of clarity after trying it out mentally, then you can use it, even if it does someday change. Hopefully this helps somewhat!
  6. This is amazingly cool! I had no idea about this, I will try to participate. Thank you for sharing!
  7. Hi there, I think I understand where you're coming from. I'm very close with my family too and know I either wouldn't want them to move far away, or if they did I'd have to visit/call them regularly. A truly great family is a special connection with it having so many years of history, and I don't think wanting to hold onto that, on principle, is a bad thing (hence the calls and visits). But in regards to feeling like no one else cares as much as they do, I could see how aromanticism could be a factor. If you think about it, society tells us that the two greatest connections are familial and romantic - and those are the relationships you see portrayed as really...loyal? Deep? Like, they stick with you through anything, where you go they go. Friendships are expected to be loyal/supportive to a certain extent too of course, but not the same amount. So maybe you're looking for that kind of deeper connection that isn't broadly applied to friends? But without the romance because aro, and not part of your family since you're moving out (or well planning to at some point). So even though your friends a great friends - and that is very important! - they simply aren't in that kind of relationship with you. Of course cultivating that kind of relationship, especially without romance, takes time and effort, but it can be done. (I guess what I'm describing is a bit like a non-romance coded qpr? I think? If so that might be something to look into). So I guess my hesitant advice would be to think about what would make you feel more cared about by friends/people in general, and seek those relationships out so that when you move out you have a bigger support network you feel really connected to. Likely you'll miss your family somewhat when you move out, especially at first (though, strictly speaking, one doesn't have to move out if it doesn't move their happiness forward at all; in a lot of cultures staying with your parents is the norm), but if you stay in contact and also have other close contacts it may be more bearable. Hopefully this helps somewhat, if not I don't mind discussing it further. :)
  8. Hi! I love fantasy and sci-fi too. Welcome to the forums!
  9. I'm actually almost never around people who are part of a couple? At home anyways, so I often forget about the whole kissing tradition. I never thought of it as Holiday with specific traditions, just a sort of free for all celebration. Of course it's also my bro's bday so it's always just been a family event for me. But I can def see how it could be hard if the people you know are all going off with their partners. It feels like romantics try to make every holiday about being with their partner, so maybe it isn't surprising they do that to to New Years as well.
  10. Hi Lisa! Nice to meet you. I'm 19 and love to write too! Welcome to the forums!
  11. Hello Zee! It's nice to meet you, welcome!
  12. Autumn

    Why?

    Man do I feel this. Like, I get it conceptually - desperation of the moment makes them think if they don't get the romance out of their system NOW then they will die without it ever coming to closure, and romance supposedly makes characters more "relatable" - but omg would I love for them to not use that trope so much. Like sometimes I can take it but it's everywhere! In general I am very pro more fantasy/sci-fi/action stories leaving out the romance, with maybe a few exceptions it's almost always the weakest or least interesting part of the story. That's why my main stories have little to no romance in them, though I would like if the rest of the industry would pick up on this.
  13. I'd be interested in making more friends! This is a good idea I think. I am basically very into writing fantasy, drawing my ocs, and obsessing over tv/comics/film/anime/superheroes. I also like to play video games, rp, and cook.
  14. I know this is an older post so maybe the issue was resolved, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents on the matter. I think it makes a lot of sense that if you're really romance repulsed, than anything romance-coded wouldn't work for you even if the relationship is mutually platonic. I'm somewhere on the romance-repulsed scale (maybe more neutral? I think it fluctuates) and have thought that while I would like a QPR, I would want it it to not really resemble dating outside of commitment level and maybe a small increase in displays of affection and willingness to discuss personal issues. After all qprs don't HAVE to be very romance-coded, they can be more friendship coded with the only difference at all being commitment level (since I think that's the only Solid distinguishing feature between typical friendships and qprs). At least that's how I see the issue currently.
  15. Hey there! You definitely sound aromantic to me, though ultimately only you can decide if the label fits. I'm aromantic and asexual and I don't want anything like a romantic relationship in my life either, so you aren't alone there. What you describe as 'more than regular friendship but less than romance' is a somewhat common way of trying to describe a queerplatonic relationship: a relationship that is a committed friendship, and can have romance-coded elements if the people involved want it to. Finding people in the mainstream communities who would be interested in one of those is challenging, but in the lgbt and especially aro/ace communities it's more likely (unfortunately I don't have enough in person social experience to say what the best course of action with people there is, other than always being upfront as early on in a closening relationship what you're looking for to try and avoid leading anyone on, though at a certain point if you really just did normal friend things and they still get upset then I think that's on them). Maneuvering such a romantic-centric society as an aromantic is difficult, but don't lose hope! It isn't weird and we're all here to help support each other when things seem down.
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