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Cristal Gris

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Everything posted by Cristal Gris

  1. Oh, i see. It would make sense. Unfortunatly… I have seen some "elitism" in the aro and ace communities. They don't Always use "gold star" but it's clear what they mean.
  2. Oh? I was not aware… I am not really in the ace community (not for itself at least. I hear from it sometime) I am not sure i understand. Why not use aro spec and use aro instead? What would be the benefit? Or did i misread something ? (like i said, i don't really get it, sorry ^^ ) Oh yeah, that.
  3. Welcome ! Hehe, some of us also speak french here (me included ) I hope you will be able to get the help you need. This forum is usually cool for that.
  4. Not your fault. What you did was within your rights. It don't look like a mistake to me. Also, aro or not, if you feel uncomfortable in a relationship then you must not ignore it. (but if you want my two cents, if you say now that you are aro, then it's what matter. Even if you you realize something else later ) Doubly not your fault then.
  5. Hey. Just a question because i don't want to mess up something. I sometime see "aro-spec" used as an synonym of "grey aro". I use it to mean "anyone on the aro spectrum" , grey aros and aros like me who are not grey Like, when i make a post on tumblr (because i now have one despite my brain telling me no) about aromantism, aro things, etc... i also tag it as "aro spec" . Even if this don't necessarily talk about grey aros specifically. And even tumblr aside, it's still a good thing to know 'cause i am in many aro spaces. I should not ? I didnt see anything that said i should not but i prefer to be sure. I have doubts now. (i suppose this is the same question for the use of "ace spec" if anyone have something to say about it )
  6. I can't answer because it depend too much on context. Who i am interacting with? Why do i want to interact with them? What is my mental state at the moment? How large is the group? What are we here for? How close i am with them? I only can tell you for sure that i don't interact that much with peoples. I also have trouble with having several groups. I am not sure why : is my experience (or lack of it ) with peoples to blame or is that just how i am? Not that important i guess. Maybe i just dont like it 🤷‍♂️ And even then, i don't always trust groups (i wish i did). It can be so… ephemeral. So fragile. It's complicate. I like the idea of a group, for exemple. But i have bad experience with them (like i said ). I... think things are getting better that being said. I still have hope. I also like the idea of "one to one" if i want to talk about feelings or serious things. Because it's easier to be heard. In my ideals and in real life my answers are different. (or maybe i just don't understand the question )
  7. I see. I understand your point. Still, I would say that this is your body and so it's your choice. I mean, we are more than a topic on internet. We don't have to hide, even if we are not all rainbow and flowers. It could be a good idea, if you feel more comfortable with it. In the end, think about yourself (easier said than done i know). This is your choice.
  8. Well… do YOU think it's a good idea? How is your entourage? I know a thing or two about bullies, and especially among young teenagers (no offense) . I don't want to scare you but if you don't feel safe with your class that change everything. Personally, i have some self harm scars but i don't really care. Two peoples have said something about it : my mom (suportive) and a school friend who also have scars. I don't really hide it, most of the time i don't even think about it. That being said : i don't have many scars. Not sure if peoples are too polite to say anything or if they just don't notice. They… also are not where most peoples tend to think they would be so it help i guess? Well, that's how it is for me anyway. Not going to elaborate too much, but my scars are not really noticable. So it may be very different for you and me. So yeah, how might peoples react… some peoples are trash and some are alright, so it's hard to answer that. I am really sorry, i am not sure how to help ><
  9. @ruth Well… i obviously can't tell you what gender you are, but know that dysphoria (or the lack of it) can be tricky. ( and know that it's fine to not know at once and to re-label yourself . i changed my gender label, like, twice or thrice ) Because of my low (most of the time. I still can be dysphoric, mainly social dysphoria ) dysphoria, i used to think i was demi-girl. I mean, there was "something off" but i was not too bothered by being called a girl. Then I was agender because my gender is blury. Now i am neutral. Not a big deal, and it don't make my experience less true even if i was not 100% accurate at first ( maybe i will never be 100% sure, but right now "neutral" is fine for me and that's what matter) But that's just my life, and i am not going to tell you what to do with your dysphoria and how it affect your gender. What i want you to know is that even two peoples with the exact same gender (or same label) will not have the same experience with dysphoria. Yeah that's not really what you asked but i hope it help somehow
  10. Yup ! Label are often a home for me, but in that case it would be a cage. And a unfitting one. I mean, i know it's alright to be just aro. My main fear is that peoples would assume i am allo, ace, grey ace… and i am just hiding it. I am just neither.
  11. Oh yeah. Once, a guy couldn't take a no from me. Twice. What did he do (aside insist too much)? He told everyone that i was his girlfriend without me knowing. I was younger and I didn't really realize that it was a big deal. And to be honnest, even if i complained to my school, i am almost sure they would not have cared. After all, "romance is harmless", right ? In the end, he left my school. And only later i realized it was how bad it was. Physically cornering me? Talking about sex stuff when i was clearly uncomfortable (he was also… older. I was 13 and he was 20 ) ? Trying to buy me with gifts? Creepy !!
  12. Hello from Belgium, neighbour. And welcome aboard Yeah i can feel that.
  13. Yeah, i don't call it crush either, when i call it at all. Then again, platonic can mean a lot of things (sensual? friends ? qpr ? )
  14. No prob' (also, same it's not my first language, but some lists of words can be found , making some things easier to understand ) Me neither ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ When it happen to me, i call it "aesthetic attraction" (or i don't call it at all but you see what i mean ). when i think someone is good looking.
  15. Some crush can be platonic, if you see them as such. (it can mean many things ). But how would i define it? Hum.. being attracted in any way to someone i guess? "crush" is usually used for romantic feelings that being said. I am not exactly sure what you mean by that. If you mean sexual attraction, yes. If you mean sensual attraction, also yes. (but again i don't know how many peoples call them "crush". ) Well, it's not necessarily related to romantic feelings anyway. But since you said you were new to this, i would understand if you don't quite see what i mean. (the different types of attraction ) Maybe this could help you ? http://www.arocalypse.com/index/ And this https://www.aromanticism.org/
  16. Yeah... Just… i know this is not fun to hear, but it don't just happen with romance. Sometime it's friend < other friend. But that's something else. "romance before friendship" is a huge problem because it's something that we are *taught* . It's supposed to be "normal" , "fair" and "natural". Not just because some peoples happen to like their crush better , but only because it's romance.
  17. Just know you're not the only one. And you're not horrible for feeling this. It's a bit different for me, but i get what you mean. I feel it. Well, i don't hate that they're in a relationship, I hate that they consider me inferior to their crush. Being left behind, forgotten unless their crush is not around and i am the only one left… How could it leave me indifferent? It would probably be easier without romantic feelings in the way. But would it really? I don't know. But they don't owe me their life and time. So i don't act on my possessive feelings. But right now i will not deny i can feel them. (whoa , not sure of my english there but you i hope you understand what i mean )
  18. That, or "they are two (or more when they try to be inclusive ) part of a one" Also, no one is perfect for anyone and i feel like this is dangerous to say so. Interresting. Friendships are different for everyone… not unlike other relationships. I feel like we have a tendency to forget about cultural context.
  19. To be honnest…. i feel the same. Also, when I say i am not looking for a qpr , it mean that i am not looking for a "certain type of relationship described by some aros about their qpr ", and i would probably not feel the need to call it like that. But i could have a relationship i would call close friendship but someone else would call it a qpr ?
  20. I suppose it's right. Well, it sound right to me. But that's only my two cents as someone who never had a qpr and is not really looking for one. So i may not be the best person to speak about it.
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