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About bananaslug

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  1. bananaslug

    Marriage Abolition

    Okay, sorry for the misunderstanding, the piece you linked to seemed like it was suggesting those as the only two kinds of legal commitments, but I realize now that's not necessarily what you were getting at. I'm curious though, what other kinds of legal commitments do you think there could be? Hmm, I like this in theory but in practice, I think it could be very complicated. What if a child has more than two primary caregivers? What if a child's primary caregivers are a mother and older sibling as opposed to a couple? And doesn't that leave out people who don't want kids? Would weddings still be a thing or would they double as a baby shower? I think if you put enough thought into it you could probably work out all the kinks, but it might be more complicated than it's worth. I would argue that many monogamous marriages also treats women as property (Just look at the Quiverfull movement) and that if you look at the history of marriage and marriage laws straight monogamous marriage is also inherently misogynistic (this is actually why the idea of marriage abolition exists in the first place) so I don't think that's really a good or fair argument, and even if it was, I don't think it's okay to punish polyamourous folks just because polygyny exists. Any aro lead push for change in marital structure should include polyamorous people, they've always been our allies and they've also created a lot of terminologies that we use frequently in aro spaces. It seems very uncalled for to try and leave them out of our activism.
  2. bananaslug

    Marriage Abolition

    It's interesting that y'all both bring up the idea of legal partnerships because I know that in many religious communities there's a belief that marriage should be something done by the church and that the government shouldn't be involved. Some of the religious groups that hold these beliefs have...poor motives (usually that they want to be able to marry girls off younger than legally permitted), but most of the time this idea comes from non-Christian groups who feel that, at least in the U.S, state recognition and documentation of these relationships inforces Christonormative values (aka: not allowing for poly marriages, not recognizing that some children have more than two parents, etc). I think a lot of those issues are dealt with in the suggestion that @eatingcroutons linked to, but I can also see where having shared housing and child-rearing as the only to options for legal partnership could be frustrating for many poly people. A lot of poly folks live in separate houses/apartments from one or more of their partners, and if the polycule doesn't have any kids that would prevent them from having a legal group partnership in the same way that modern marriage does. Additionally, I think having legal partnerships for people who live together brings up a lot of questions about multigenerational housing. If a couple lives in a house along with a set of aging parents would there be one legal partnership for all of them or would there be two separate ones? And what about homeless people who would otherwise consider themselves to be part of the same household? Do they not get to be legal partners because they can't afford a home? Idk, I like the idea of legal partnerships based on co-parenting, but the more I think about the shared household idea the more I find things that would complicate it and leave people out.
  3. bananaslug

    Marriage Abolition

    I know marriage abolition is something that gets talked about in feminist spaces from time to time, but it's something that I haven't seen discussed in the aro community so I wanted to bring it up here. What do y'all think of the idea that marriage is an outdated and ultimately patriarchal institution that should be gotten rid of? How do you think this applies to aro discussions of amatonormativity? I'm curious to know what y'all think
  4. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @eatingcroutons idk, I also sent them an email about a week ago and haven't heard back, although in the past I've had issues with the person running things sometimes taking a while to reply to emails so I'm not super shocked by it. I understand that you're trying to host March though, so time is of the essence. I know Siggy, the person who runs carnival of aces has some contact with them and in my experience they email back pretty quickly, so you might try contacting them instead. Sorry I can't be of more help
  5. bananaslug

    Aromantic activism Poll

    It looks like visibility and policy change are the two most popular options so far! I think the two could definitely go hand in hand. Political demands often make a group more visible and visibility frequently makes people more responsive to political demands, so I think working on both might be helpful.
  6. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @eatingcroutons I'm sorry that you find this so aggravating. I personally don't really view this as them "Saying they've made something for us and then telling us to go do all the work ourselves", but I can understand why you see it that way and I sympathize with your frustration. I agree that they could have put more thought into optics, and I'm sorry that that lack of forethought is upsetting for you. Hopefully, the carnival will be more inclusive in the future.
  7. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    - Once again, the carnival itself is not run by TAAAP. It's run by an aroace person who, yes, has a lot of ace community connections, but is trying to create more visibility and resources for the aro community, and is making this carnival as part of that. - February's festival is a joint carnival with a carnival of aces, so while I agree that TAAAP could have included more prompts relevant to aro's who are outside of the ace community, any joint carnival is going to include some prompts related to the ace community. - As expressed, TAAAP is maybe not an ideal organization to start off the carnival, but they're the ones who volunteered to host, and like most volunteer-run projects, whoever's willing to do it is who gets to do it. Yes, that's how community-run projects work. Notably, Sennkestra is fully aware that if aro community members don't want to continue hosting and supporting the carnival then the carnival won't happen because that's also how community-run projects work. Yes, because once again, the carnival website and archive are being maintained by one person, with a little bit of help from the carnival of ace's manager, and occasional input from other aro community members who look over posts for them, and the carnival manager is doing all of this on their own time. When people volunteer to do things for the community we need to be respectful of their boundaries when they say they can't do more. Sennkestra is trying to create and maintain a focal point for carnival information, but if people want the carnival to be successful other people need to step up and host, they can't do everything themselves. It seems like you're still confused about who's actually running the carnival, so I suggest that you read the carnivals introduction letter. People put a lot of work into writing it, so hopfull it will clear some things up for you.
  8. bananaslug

    Aromantic activism Poll

    Most communities, when thinking about how to focus their activism, pick one or two achievable goals to work towards at a time, for example, the gay community in the U.S until very recently focused on marriage equality, and the black lives matter movement focuses on ending police brutality. This kind of focus helps activists make incremental progress towards larger goals that would otherwise be very hard to work towards. With this in mind, I've been thinking a lot about what the aro communities current goals are/ should be. What do you think is the most important thing for aro activism to work towards right now?
  9. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @Mark I agree! And maybe they weren't the best choice for opening the carnival, but the carnival itself is entirely volunteer based so not every host that volunteers will be ideal. Hopefully as the carnival continues people from other parts of the aro community, including alloaro bloggers, will end up hosting and writing more inclusive prompts
  10. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @eatingcroutons The folks who run the carnival itself run the carnival of aro's website, archive the posts from each new month of the carnival, and will occasionally reach out to potential hosts, so while they're not writing prompts themselves they do do things. I know the hands-off approach may seem unconventional, but this is how most blogging carnivals are run , and once again, the carnival has been live for barely 6 days now, so a lot of aro community members who might want to host are still trying to work out what months would actually work for them. I know that personally, I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row to see if I could host the May carnival, and I suspect that some other folks are in a similar place. Just because the upcoming carnival schedule isn't filled in now doesn't mean it won't get filled as the month goes on. @Mark While the carnival runners didn't do an open call (those rarely work anyway) they did reach out to a lot of aro bloggers, including myself, to help edit and co-author their website content, and to help promote the carnival. While the bloggers they first reached out to were admittedly mostly aroace, I and a number of other folks working on it suggested that they reach out to more alloaro bloggers and aro bloggers who don't use SAM, and they contacted all of the people we recommended pretty promptly to help involve them. Of course, not everyone contacted replied or wanted to get involved, but their reaching out did result in a more well-rounded group of aros working on the project, and I found that they were very responsive to our concerns about who was and wasn't being involved in the carnivals creation. I think your analysis of what's going on with TAAAP is pretty spot on, although admittedly I live on the other side of the country from them so I'm not as aware of their stuff as I could be. They're very good at being an ace advocacy group, but if you want your community to be inclusive of other groups then that inclusion needs to be built into the foundation of your organization, it can't just be tagged on at the end. I've had the same issue with a lot of other supposedly aro inclusive ace groups here on the west coast so I think this is, unfortunately, a fairly prevalent issue.
  11. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @eatingcroutons My dude I'm just giving you the reasoning behind why this months theme is so connected to aceness. I'm not saying you have to like or agree with it, but that's the reasoning. I think it's also worth noting that these prompts were created by TAAAP, not the carnival of aro's itself. IMO the people who actually started the carnival did a pretty good job of reaching out to aro folks with different backgrounds and having them look over the carnival of aro's website and announcements to make sure it was something the aro community as a whole would enjoy, but they aren't in charge of topic or prompts, the host is, and I don't know to what extent TAAAP involved aro people in their prompt and topic creation. So while I agree that the prompts could be more aro inclusive I think that issue has more to do with this months host than the carnival itself. Yeah, the carnival only launched 5 days ago, people haven't had a lot of opportunities to sign up for it yet, but the carnival of aces has been running on this same model since 2011 so it's not like this can't work. Also, Sennkestra, the person tasked with running and archiving the carnival long term, is aro, it's not like a bunch of alloace people made the carnival and are trying to hand it off at the end of the month. I have seen a lot of excitement about this carnival from folks on other platforms, so I don't think people are just going to abandon it come March. If you're unhappy with the carnival you have no obligation to participate in it, but personally, I'm not willing to write it off after only one month. It's not perfect, but no project is while it's still in its infancy, and I think the carnival will definitely improve as time goes by.
  12. bananaslug

    A Carnival of Aros

    @eatingcroutons @NotHeartless This is a totally understandable complaint and honestly, I do have some questions about the choice of topic considering that it's February so both valentines day and aro awareness week are coming up and both of those events would make for good discussion topics. That said, this month is, in fact, a joint carnival with the carnival of aces, so I don't know how else they would have included both communities. You could argue that having it be a joint carnival to start off with is generally unhelpful, but the reason the aro carnival even got suggested in the first place is that TAAAP is trying to rebrand itself as an organization for ace's and aro's, not just ace people so they wanted to host the topic of "The Relationship Between the Aro and Ace Communities". This prompted Sennkestra to suggest creating a new aro specific carnival and having TAAAP host both carnivals at the same time for that topic. So like, while I agree that it would be better to start the carnival off with more detachment from the ace community I'm not sure that the carnival would have even gotten started without such an ace linked prompt. But! The carnival doesn't have to stay connected to the ace community. The continuation of the carnival depends on aro community members volunteering to host the carnival each month and hosts get to pick the topic, so if you have ideas about more aro specific prompts and you have Tumblr, Word Press, or another blog format that you could host the carnival on then you can implement that and make the carnival closer to what you would like to see. Here's a link that discusses how to go about hosting. They're looking for people to host March, April, May and June right now, so there's plenty of opportunities available.
  13. bananaslug

    An Informal Short Form for Non-Binary

    technically the gender-neutral form of "boy" or "girl" is "kid" but I'm not sure that "kid" really fills the lexical gap you're looking at. I guess "Pal", "Buddy" or, "Friendo" could be used in a similar way, but you'll sound like a TV dad from the 1950's so pick your poison I guess.
  14. Hi all! Just wanted to say here since it's new and I haven't seen anything about it yet that there's a new blogging carnival called Carnival of Aro's starting this month and they're looking for submissions as well as people who can host topics in the coming months. This month's carnival is being hosted by TAAAP and the topic is "The Relationship Between the Aro and Ace Communities". You can find information about the carnival itself here, and you can submit posts for this months carnival here. I'm not the person running the carnival, so I don't know how helpful I can be in answering questions, but I thought y'all should know that this is happening!
  15. bananaslug

    self love

    So this response is gonna go in the "other thoughts" category You were mentioning just how tied to physical appearance self-confidence is, and I've been thinking a lot lately about beauty and aromanticism so I guess I'd like to add something about that. I've always been pretty conventionally attractive for a feminine person. Skinny, hourglass figure, average height, well-defined eyebrows, and cheekbones, etc, this is to the point that many people have asked me to model for them. I am advertisement extra pretty so there have always been people in the media that look like me and as a result, I've never had a lot of body image issues (I have had some social dysphoria from other people perceiving me as feminine, but I feel like that's different). But! The one place where I have had a kind of dislike for my body is when it comes to romance. Straight men will often flirt with me simply because I'm conventionally attractive, people are often surprised to find out I don't have a romantic partner because I'm 'so pretty', and when I say I don't like to date people I'm often told that I "shouldn't think like that because I'm pretty" the assumption being that the only reason I wouldn't try to date people is thinking I'm ugly. Which ya know I don't. I don't think I'm ugly. I don't think I'm especially stunning to look at ether, but listen, I get asked out by people all the damn time (to often for comfort really) so I know there must be something about me that people find attractive. And weirdly that almost depletes my confidence? I never feel worse about how I look than when someone asks me out because I know they're seeing me as someone who is romantic and sexual and that's not who I am at all. I like my body, but sometimes I almost think it would be easier to not have a physical form so that no one could be attracted to me. And I know that's the opposite of how I'm supposed to feel. I know I'm supposed to take that attraction as a compliment and use it as a confidence booster, but honestly, I'm much more confident in myself when people just leave me the hell alone. I want to view my looks on my own terms, and I don't what to know what others think of those looks. I've always dressed very modestly, but in the last year or so I've made a point of wearing outfits that are not only modest but boxy and to big and it's done wonders for my confidence because people don't flirt with me as much anymore (and the people who do flirt with me now tend to be wlw who don't get creepy about it when I reject them). Dressing in a way that people find less attractive honestly makes me feel so much better about myself. I know that's weird, but ya know, whatever works.