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Everything posted by lonelyace

  1. I have yet to really become comfortable with my aromanticism, ant that's at least partially because I'm more involved with the asexual community and the broader LGBT+ community than I am with the aromantic community. Particularly within the context of my gsa and the friends I've made through that, I feel lie mentioning my asexuality is okay, but saying that I'm not attracted to anyone ~at all~ feels like it would lead to alienation. I find myself highlighting the fact that I do find girls to be very pretty as if that would somehow make me gay enough to share a space with them. Sorry, this is turning into more of a post about the LGBT+ community at large than about the asexual community specifically. But it is connected isn't it? I certainly wouldn't have ever heard of asexuality or aromanticism had it not been for the LGBT+ community, and I doubt that most others would have either. But thats a community mostly built around attraction, not a lack of it. In order to be accepted by it one must have some attraction to speak of. Of course that's very much a symptom of the amatonormativity of society in general. In the end it's the idea that love is somehow what makes us whole and human that's the issue. And even alloromantic asexuals fall prey to the idea. I think that really the only thing we can do is speak up for ourselves. I think this is one of those situations where no one is going to take notice of us or advocate for us if we don't make enough noise and bring attention to ourselves. I dunno what that would actually look like. Maybe we need to "invade" ace spaces. Maybe that'll never happen.
  2. I just recently started a queerplatonic relationship with a long time friend. I've been aware of qprs for a while now and I've done as much reading as I can on them, but they're still a little bit confusing. I know that there isn't really any one standard definition of qprs aside from them being a committed friendship. When I envision a qpr, I imagine doing date like activities. Like, yeah lets go to a movie and share a bucket of popcorn or go to a fancy restaurant and I'll buy you dinner. I don't know if that's normal or not for a qpr, or if it could somehow make me less aromantic because those activities could be viewed as romantic. I don't really understand what romantic attraction is even supposed to be so I have a hard time knowing wtf I'm even feeling. Ugh
  3. @NullVector @Apathetic Echidna Thank you for the input. If you're at all interested in an update on the situation, here it is. If you're not interested then obviously you don't have to keep reading. I went on a date with the guy and oh boy did it blow up in my face. We went to lunch and it was fine. Then the next day I got a text from a friend about him. Apparently someone told him that I was a lesbian, and he freaked out. He texted someone who is currently my friend and was friends with him years ago, asking about me. You know, rather than just asking me. He proceeded to be very homophobic, and when my friend outed himself as trans, this guy became aggressively transphobic as well. When I tried to talk to him he claimed that he was just joking around with my friend. Yeah, I won't be talking to this guy again.
  4. Just what the title says: I guess I'm going on a date today. For context, I'm in college and I've never once been on a date, never kissed, never held hands, never done anything even remotely romantic or sexual in nature. There's a guy in my Spanish 122 class that I went to high school with. Although I don't think we ever spoke to each other during that time, when my Spanish class started, he started talking to me like he knew me. Last week he asked me if he could ask me out, and yesterday he asked me to get coffee with him. We're doing that later today. Here's the thing: I don't know how I feel about all of this. I know for a fact that I'm asexual, and I strongly suspect that I'm aromantic. I spent a long time telling myself that I shouldn't commit to that label until I at least tried dating, but in the last few months I've begun to accept it. I realized that if I still can't comprehend romantic attraction, I probably never will. On top of that, I lean more towards femininity. I find girls to be gorgeous and guys to be mediocre, and I could only really imagine myself long term with a woman whether that turned out to be as a qpr or as a romantic relationship. But still, when this guy asked me out, I agreed. I've talked to a few friends and they also think that I should try this out, but I still feel bad. I feel bad going into this knowing that for me this is nothing more than an experiment when this guy probably actually like me. (Which is another thing that's hard for me to comprehend since that's never happened to me before. But that's a whole different issue.) I feel bad knowing that I don't even particularly view this guy as a friend when he wants me to be, what, his girlfriend? Here's another thing, the school we went to together was a private Christian school. It's the type of place that breeds racist, homophobic kids who think those types of things are funny. He hasn't yet said anything that showed him to be an asshole, but I still don't feel comfortable telling him about my asexuality. I don't know how much he expects from me but it's probably ore than I'm comfortable with. Maybe I'm underestimating him, but I can't help but feel like saying hey I'm asexual would not go well. That ties into the fact that I've spent the last year or two really embracing and building up the queer part of my identity. I haven't told many people about this because I actually don't want to stop being viewed as queer. How weird and backwards is that? Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.
  5. lonelyace

    would you rather

    Famous while I'm alive. Screw everyone who comes after me, I want to know that I'm appreciated. I don't care if that makes me shallow. Would you rather be haunted by ghosts or abducted by aliens?
  6. Holding hands for some reason makes me very uncomfortable. Hugging is great and I enjoy it, but I don't like to cuddle unless I know the person really really well. There are maybe 2 people in the world that I feel comfortable cuddling with and even then its more of sitting close together than actually like, holding each other. I've never kissed or been kissed but the thought of doing so just makes me vaguely uncomfortable.
  7. Hey, welcome! This is a great place to come and meet other aromantic people. It's really helped me and I'm sure you'll like it here.
  8. Anyone who stops to think about the story usually comes to that conclusion. But in pop culture Romeo and Juliet are often referenced as the paragon of love, the relationship that all couples should aspire to have. I've also seen Sampson and Delilah, another relationship that ends in tragedy, referenced as a couple to model. It's odd that alloromantic people seem to glorify these relationships that end so badly as the thing that everyone should want, and yet that's what they do.
  9. Man, I want to know what the next page says now.
  10. As if no one could live a fulfilling life without a romantic partner.
  11. Being on this site has helped me. I didn't really need the information, I knew about the details of aromantacism. I was in denial though, I didn't want to be aromantic. Seeing all of these people proud of their identity helped me come to terms with it. I guess I'm hopping on the thanks for existing band wagon.
  12. I'm currently obsessed with The Runaways right now. It's one of my all time favorite comic book series and the tv show was a bit slow in the first season but great in the second season. I started headcanoning Molly Hernandez (or Hayes in the comics) as aroace as a joke, but now I kinda really like it. She's the only one of the main characters who never has a love interest. The show writers probably do it because she's the youngest and they want to make her seem less mature than all the other runaways, but she's 15. Everyone I knew at 15 already had crushes and were dating. Still, Molly hasn't been given a love interest. Every story arc she has is about wanting everyone to get along as a family. The time she brings an outsider into the group, it's a guy that she thinks might be her brother. I don't know, there isn't really a lot of evidence for aroace Molly but I like the idea. She's so full of love for everyone around her but it all seems to be familial and platonic love.
  13. A while ago I saw a friend whom I hadn't seen or talked to in quite some time. I asked her how she was and what she was doing with her life. She said she didn't know, she didn't have a boyfriend at the moment, and she didn't like anyone either. "No, how are you?" I pushed. She said she didn't know because she didn't like anyone. When I asked if her identity was based on who she liked, she thought for a moment, and then said yes. I know this sounds fake but it's an encounter that really happened. Obviously she's an extreme case, but it really shows that people really do base themselves around who they date.
  14. On surveys like these I always put atheist or non religious, because that's what I am. It always feels a little bit weird though since my family is conservative Christian, and I go to a Baptist private school. I've been an atheist for about a year and no one knows that so I still have to go to church and all of that. So when I answer these kind of questions, I wonder if I should answer what I really believe or what I practice, if that makes sense. Oh well, it won't be an issue for much longer. I move out in August.
  15. Ravenclaw all the way! As for my factions in the Divergent world, I got equal parts erudite and dauntless.
  16. There's something like this on AVEN, but I haven't seen it here (although I admittedly didn't look too hard). The idea is to get people talking to each other. So if anyone wans more private conversation to make friends, comment on here, and pm someone that you've never pm-ed before. And maybe tell some things that you're interested in so people know what to chat about.
  17. I didn't know that something like this existed!! Thank you for sharing this.
  18. Something I've noticed about people in romantic relationships, is that the concept of compromise in a relationship can lead to people compromising a piece of themselves. For example, I was once rocking a pair of five inch heels, and my friend loved them. She really wanted a pair of shoes like them, but her boyfriend doesn't like when she's taller than him, so she doesn't wear heels anymore. Or in a more extreme example, my mom has a friend who had a phd in rocket science and worked at nasa. When he married his wife, she didn't like how much time he devoted to work, so he gave all of that up to be a high school teacher. This idea of giving up a piece of yourself so that someone else will love/continue loving you is so alien. I always thought that if anyone was going to love me, they would have to love all of me, heels, career and all. And now, knowing that I'm aromantic, well, I'm not sure how those things play into my life. Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts and see if anyone else had similar feelings.
  19. Welcome! I haven't done much communicating with the people here, but they all seem welcoming and confident in their aromanticism.
  20. Welcome to arocalypse. I'm glad that you are happy to have a label for you. I wasn't overly excited to realize that I'm aromantic because I'm absolutely terrified of being alone forever, but hey, to each their own.
  21. lonelyace

    would you rather

    Break dance. That seems like a cool talent to have. WYR be the only immortal person in the world, or have everyone in the world be immortal except for you?
  22. Welcome. I will have to check out your webcomic.
  23. Yesterday during a conversation with a friend of mine, aromanticism and queer platonic relationships came up naturally in conversation. She said that if we were both single and alone by the age of 30 we should start a qpr. Sort of like that thing where people say that if they're both single by a certain age they should get married to each other, except she's heterosexual and heteroromantic. I brushed it off because friends say that sort of stuff and never act on it all the time. Today she brought the topic of qpr's up herself, and said that she needed one in her life. I just kinda sat there awkwardly because I didn't know what to say. I've never been in a qpr before, but I think it would be cool, and I wouldn't even mind being in one with her. But, well, I'm not entirely informed on what a qpr entails, and I'm not sure that she'd really want a legitimate partnership of any kind because she's a little bit iffy on all things lgbt+. Still, I feel like she's hinting at me that she might be interested. What should I do?
  24. I came across the term "alterous" a while back, that basically defines attraction that is neither strictly romantic nor strictly platonic. That's a bit of a broad definition that seems like it would differ from person to person, but it might fit what your describing. I saw one person refer to the person you're alterously attracted to as that friend you wouldn't mind dating/doing romance coded things with. I think alterous could probably be used as an orientation alongside romantic and sexual orientations with prefixes added on so you could theoretically be bialterous, heteroalterous, homoalterous, etc. It might be an unnecessary extra label, or it could be a good alternative to the term affectionate that people seem to be having issues with.
  25. I don't think that my romantic or sexual orientation has anything to do with how I dress. I wear what I wear because it makes me feel more confident, or because I just like it. I suppose that I've dressed in ways that might be considered sexy, I've worn tight dresses and I'm currently wearing bright red lipstick, but it's never been meant to attract a mate. It just happens to be how I like to look.
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