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About chimchimmy

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  1. Ok so sorry I already posted a question and someone thankfully helped me a lot thank you so much! But now something happened two days ago and I don't know what to do... I mean I guess I do kind of but I don't know how to word it. I tried to break up with my partner, and we were sitting in my car crying together for two and a half hours and everything was awful. I thought I'd finally done it, but then they started saying they would never do anything romantic with me again, that we could set agreements and rules and have open and honest communication. They said that they didn't want to be put at the level of my other best friends and still wanted to be by my side or in a partnership with me in some way. Basically they wanted to be special to me, and while they really have been, I didn't know if they could change themselves and I didn't want them to sacrifice even more and throw a bunch of shit they wanted all away to be in a weird confusing non relationship with me that i can barely grasp. I told them where we were was just too stressful to me and thats why I couldn't do it anymore, and they said they were not psychologically ready to not be with me in some way, and that they didn't want to have to tell their family that it was happening, that we broke up. And I almost didn't give in, but I did. I was so tired and so drained emotionally. I really care for this person a lot but I don't know how this change is going to go. Loving someone else more than yourself is not a secure basis for love in my opinion, and I don't want to be responsible for my partner doing that and throwing themselves away the same way I felt I did before for them to be happy, without my own comfort. We live together in a dorm and we both didn't know what we were going to do after I almost broke up with them, where we would each go and what we would tell everyone when we thought that was it. I wanted things to be the same but a little different, and they also wanted that, and we are one of each others best and only friends at school. All our friends are mutual between us too. I was too exhausted and their answer was easy to give in to I suppose. I told them I felt manipulated or guilted by them more than sometimes, in a kinder way than saying it straight out. But I really don't know if they will change. I've read signs online about abusive or emotionally manipulative partners to see if me or my partner was abusive towards the other because sometimes I just don't know, I don't like the way I act towards my partner sometimes and I don't know if it is my fault or theirs. I read about how emotionally manipulative partners force the relationship to keep going because of the hold they have over the other person, because of their selfish wants and not listening to what the other person wants in the end. Anyway, I really don't know how to do this. Or what to say, what concrete things I can present that will help this situation. Thanks to anyone who reads this 💚 I'm so grateful for people like you, much platonic love 😆
  2. Hey so I'm new here, but I really have no one else to talk to about this who understands and I'm desperate. Ok so, I've been in my first relationship for almost 2 years in college over the course of which I found out I was ace and aro. My partner was and is very accepting, they did not mind that I was ace and later when I told them I thought I was aro they accepted that too, but here is where the problem lies. Romantic physical contact or any romantic gestures (and just platonic physical contact too sometimes) makes me very jumpy and claustrophobic and just very uncomfortable. They are very touchy and I feel bad whenever they ask for a kiss or a hug or to hold my hand because they get sad if I don't do that for them. One night I told them I didn't really like or feel comfortable kissing them because I wanted to be honest, and we then spent an hour talking after that about our relationship. They got pissed off and then incredulous and silent. They told me a relationship was about give and take, which made me feel guilty because they gave up a lot to be in a relationship with me, like cuddling and frequent physical and verbal affirmations they would probably typically receive in a romantic relationship. I am not a romantic person and it kind of repulses me. I value simple actions and situations more than words and physicality, and thats probably a way that my partner and I are incompatible. I don't want to just take from my partner, and I don't know if my partner gets nothing from being in this relationship. They deserve more. I don't know if I'm being stubborn and my partner is right, or if I'm right in not doing something I'm uncomfortable with for a brief second. Does it make my partner feel the same level of discomfort that I feel when they kiss me, when I don't kiss them? My partner does not want a qpr, and I don't want a romantic relationship so it's falling somewhere in the confusing middle? The other night they asked for a kiss twice and I really couldn't do it because I can't lie to myself or force myself to do something that makes me uncomfortable. They then put their fingers to their lips and then smooshed them onto my lips without asking, laughing saying it was an indirect kiss. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and they make me feel like I am so I don't know who to trust. That made me inwardly mad and squicked out. I thought of it in terms of consent. They took what they wanted from me/gave me what they wanted just because they thought I should want it? Or that I should want to give it? I'm just so confused. We are living in a dorm together btw. I almost fear or at the least dislike whenever they come lean on my bed while I'm laying in it because I know they're going to put some kind of romantic gesture on me. Anyway sorry this was so long, but please help me I really am lost and I'm just so tired. It seems like I can never win with my partner, and it always seems like they're right and I don't know who to trust. Thank you 💚
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