Hey! I am just going to write "my story" I guess. 😂
When I first realized I was aromantic I was in a bit of a shock.
I thought of myself as the most romantic person I knew (or at least one of). How could I be aromantic? I like romance. But with a bit of reading, I learned about what that meant and I realized my "crushes" had been squishes all along.
It was a bit confusing, at first. I couldn't really differentiate my feelings. I went to my best friend ever (I appreciate you, Lylu) and asked her a LOT of questions. She is alloromantic, so I figured it would be wiser to ask her about romance, rather than thinking about it for myself since I don't quite understand the concept. Her answers helped me accept that I really was aromantic.
However, simply accepting it as the truth does not mean that you are happy about it. For a while I thought constantly about just what that discovery could mean, in the long term. Would I never have a boyfriend, then? Do I even want a boyfriend, or is it just something society has made me believe I needed? I wanted a companion, someone to hug me and really get me. Someone I could stay up all night talking to. Did that mean I wanted a romantic relationship?
For a while I thought so. I thought I needed that kind of bond.
I identified with the term "cupioromantic." Though I could never feel the romantic attraction, I felt like I really wanted a boyfriend. No, I needed one.
How did my thinking change?
There is this guy, let's just call him Vet, who I was friends with since elementary school. Unfortunately, when I was in fourth grade I moved away, and we didn't hear from each other for nearly seven years. I had to move again, this time closer to the country I was originally from, and for some reason we came back in touch. We messaged for days on the weeks before my move and we really bonded. I was dazzled. I felt very comfortable talking to him and if I pictured us dating, it seemed like an okay thing to do. At the time, I thought I was something very close to in love.
This "reunion" happened five months before I found out I was aromantic.
When I moved, life was a big hectic. I had a new school and a new everything and we had to stop messaging. But I still thought about him every now and then, and the feelings would return.
About six months passed and we started texting again. But this time, I had a brand new perspective.
I knew how to distinguish between a crush and a squish now. I decided I would figure out just how I felt about him.
Vet is the person I have liked most intensely in my whole life. So intensely, six months ago I was sure it was a crush. But when I thought about actually doing romantic related things with him (kissing, flirting, holding hands, etc), the good feelings I would get when I talk to him would be kind of.. ruined. I may be open to a relationship with him, but... I don't necessarily want one. This is fine. What we have is fine. And I realized all I really need is to have a friend. A close friend who will do all those things I mentioned (hugging, talking, understanding). That, for me, is enough. I don't need any more. From that world-turning moment I was sure: if I never got any closer to him than I am now, I would not mind. Actually, I would prefer it if things stayed just the way they are. We're close friends, we talk everyday and we share a bond. And it may not be a romantic bond, but it's the bond I have always wanted.
Sorry if I just rambled and spammed for no reason.. I hope that helped somehow.
In my case, I think I was.. I don't want to say in denial.. but confused about what I wanted. Asking my friends and analyzing my most intense "crush" helped me realize just what were my needs and that helped me feel a bit more comfortable with my identity.
Thanks for reading this far 😂