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bydontost

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    Tost
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  1. i posted a link to this in a facebook group too and those are the replies: " I prefer fwbs. I have had 3 fwb in the past year. One who is Aro not monogamous and 2 monogamous. I’ve recently realised I have increased feelings (still not romo) for one of them so I’ve decided to just sleep with him only. I’ll see how it goes. I always introduced them as friends. " " I'd prefer to call them "girlfriends" because it rolls off the tongue easier, but really they are FWBs. Close friendships with a sexual component. " " Ideally, I’d like to have one main sexual partner that I’d come home to, but the relationship was open for us to seek other partners outside of each other. Mostly the reason for this is to satisfy my parent’s want for me to find a partner, but also compromising how I feel " " I prefer the fwb set up. But with a mutual respect and actual decent friendship. I have called people my lover, date friend, or girlfriend. To others I generally say friend because I don't want them thinking in a committed relationship. Those freak me out. I prefer polyamory and open communication and am generally with someone for a month to 5 before we go our separate ways (I gravitate towards people who are only nearby short-term and so the relationship has a built-in end date which gives me a sense of security). But we often remain friends after that. " " I prefer something medium to long term thing, non exclusive, but with an open communication of feelings so that when things stop being interesting to one of us we can discuss it without hurt feelings. I especially prefer if we are good friends and that they are poly so that I don't loose my friend the second they start seeing someone romantically because that always makes me feel used " " Ideally, I'd like to have 2-3 casual partners. People who I generally enjoy spending time with, but it's clear for both of us that sex is the main reason for meeting. They could be in any sort of relationship themselves. I just want to br able to text someone "hey I'm pretty horny. Want me to come over for sexy time and maybe a movie after?" and that's it. Can't say it's easy to find. This kind of relationship doesn't have a clear name(not exactly FwB) so I'm having a hard time explaining what I'm looking for and finding people who want the same. Also I'm busy AF and can't find time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ " " Ideally 2-3 "flirty acquaintances with benefits" at any given time. Do we move in a same social circle so i can vaguely assume you're not a jerk or ask a friend if you are? Cool. That's about as much as I would like. We get along fine enough, maybe do a movie or something but not like, actively seek to hangout outside of the implied hook up. I'm unsure if that "ideal" distance is from just accepting that "people catch feelings" and that's what I've grown to prefer over not wanting to deal with the inevitable fallout or what. Who even knows. " " At present, I prefer fuck buddies or friends with benefits. I'd call it monogamish, except it's kinda inverted from the poly concept. I don't care if my FWB flirts with or dates others, so long as they are upfront with me when it turns serious and/or escalates to a sexual relationship so we can terminate the agreement and both move on. I won't be party to infidelity, and I want to avoid exposure to possible STIs. For me, I prefer only fucking people who're fully unrelated to my friend groups, so when we part ways there's no awkwardness. I'm mote than happy to be friends with them, care about their general well-being etc., but I don't want any overlap in our social lives. " " I'm tired of hooking up. I want to have sex with people I love, my friends. However, they exclusively reserve sex for their partners. I always feel less than and stuck in one way friendships that are in reality more acquaintances than anything according to my standards. "
  2. yes, as i said before, i'm kinda tired of this qpr talk and so didn't want to put too much effort into it and it seemed this format was attractive i decided to put it there, bc it's sth that aros don't know about and often think aros coined it, this is the reason for this whole thread. the goal is to put accurate info out there in a form that people like, read and reblog (if we're talking about tumblr) I guess this is why i tried to go with some broad categories, and then show the possible variance, but i get what you mean yes, thank you. i mean... i guess we can assume some people won't read it, that's fair, a lot won't be interested and just scroll past, but i can't do anything about that. at least the first block is personalization, so maybe the more curious ones will see that " Every relationship looks different because of the different people in it, though most relationships have certain expectations of activities that happen within them. QPRs are meant to be free of those expectations and are very customizable relationships by design. You can settle on what you and your partner(s) want, because it's your take on a partnership. The personalization is also why a lot of definitions of QPRs exist - the relationship may be different for many people." edit: this on the other hand is minimal information, but very aestheticc and contains a disclaimer about consent: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XaHpZ9qvTRmQaz1Asn4zYQlyf9y41v8v/view?usp=sharing edit 2: idk if it shouldn't say "a qpr" instead of "qpr", who knows english, not this guy
  3. it's a definitely way better sounding topic than it was fair point, anyway if someone wants to make a post to tumblr, here's a draft graphic that could be used https://drive.google.com/open?id=18wNTeK4GF1szk0lVKDTTjttvGr0ht09q suggestions for some tweaks are okay
  4. so, the reposted essay has been deleted, with this and this as explanation, so the cause: misinformation, possible intention for posting in the first place: building up aro community with what they thought was aro history im not going to go through every post again and guess as to what the intentions of the people were, and for sure they varied. a general rundown, to me, is that the cause is mostly misinformation (especially about the coiners' actual identities, which are mostly unknown unless you ask them personally) and the intent is mostly wanting to anchor the qprs, which are important in the aro circles (idk how it is in ace ones), in what they perceive as aro history, bc it may seem it really was made by aros. some people also feel they can't use the word if it doesn't "belong" to them, if it wasn't coined in their community (which i think is bs) and wish it did "belong" to them. in short i think it has to do with misinformation, the fact qprs are very important to a lot of aros and wishing to see some aros (meaning people who primarily id'ed as aro) building those important concepts sidenote: what im interested in is aros and aces to be on equal footing, so framing the relationship as "victim and offender" chafes at me the same way "indebted and benefactor" does ("I think that general aro groups owe a very specific debt to ace organizing and communities that needs to be acknowledged.")
  5. I've got one person here telling me the title puts too much emphasis on reasons/motivation and I've got another person telling me the thread doesn't put enough emphasis on reasons/motivation. I don't know how to reconcile these two perspectives, so if you two could hash that out together and get back to me, I would love to implement a solution which is satisfactory to the both of you. I was talking about the title and alex about the thread itself if i understand correctly?? and to me the title doesn't focus too much on what's the motivation as much as it gets a wrong impression about the motivation across and idk if I wanna get into convincing alex of sth when they have very experiences of being hurt by ace people and I have little experiences with ace people who aren't aro in general. I'm not interested in any "reparations", bc first of all I'm not sure what that'd look like and I think that cooperation would be better for the relationship between the communities in the long run instead of a relationship of a victim and an offender
  6. mm yeah I get what you're saying, but 1. phrashing it like that again makes it sound like the misinformation is a deliberate effort of aros, who are trying to get some reparations, 2. I'm not actually calling for any "aro reparations", and what I'd like to see more is conversations on working together with the aces who want to work together, 2a. at the end of the essay coyote also talks about aces who feel unwelcome in aro circles, so the conclusion possibly isn't a simple "aces make this, this and this up to aros and it'll be cool", 3. for personal reasons I dislike the word reparations
  7. That sounds good. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to make this more concise? Maybe we can take out "in aro circles"? I don't think that alters the meaning too much. Maybe also "real problems between aro and ace communities" can just be "community relations". So "misinformation on qprs hinders conversations about community relations" Perhaps this might also be a substance over style situation where it's better to have a wordy title that gets across the right impression. yeah this way it was a bit wordy, tho I'd keep "ace and aro communities", bc just communities could be too vague
  8. I mean that's what coyote says, yes!! but the words have their meaning and it often comes across as accusatory pls check out an alternative title below I was thinking about sth closer to "misinformation on qprs in aro circles hinders conversations about real problems between aro and ace communities" I think that then it'd be useful to send it to big aro but also *ace* blogs, bc let's be real they have bigger followings
  9. The massive problem with the language you're using is that both of these words imply intent. People are misinformed about the history of the term "queerplatonic". They're not, in the vast majority of cases, actively trying to suppress it. Your language comes across as accusatory and that is not conducive to building bridges or reaching solutions. oh my god yes, the language that you use coyote is always implying bad intent!! it's like you agree that the root of the problem is misinformation and then say things like "revisionism" or "denialism" that imply bad intent and assign it to particular people too "aphobephobe had a friend repost" without giving them the benefit of the doubt... it's just hard to have a constructive discussion when you first have to defend the lack of bad intent again and again and again see, I kinda don't know what the solutions could be... we can try to educate aros about the origins of qprs and correct misconceptions where we see them, but the reach of posts that clear things up is limited and not a lot of us go on tumblr where it seems to be the most spread misconception... as for corrections in ace spaces... i don't go there and I'm not even sure what I'd want from explicitly ace spaces that i don't want from the rest of the world..?? it's not their responsibility to talk about aros or be especially good to aros any more than it's on the rest of the world is how I see it... my only idea that's for the benefit for aroaces in those spaces would be not to overdo it with "romance is best, romance is pure" and be aware that it's possible to be aro while not being ace (and don't say it's somehow morally wrong)
  10. I'm sure this could have contributed too, but when that repost surfaced, she said that she deleted it because of errors - I'm not sure how big a role it played in the decision I should have said that I know she didn't ask, bc I talked to her (aphobephobe) about it when the repost came up. other than that I think it's all okay alright
  11. coyote, I think your bias towards "people are doing this on purpose" is showing again... aphobephobe didn't "have a friend repost" anything, she deleted her blog *because* she knew there were errors in it and she didn't want them spread further...... I also think this would be more efficient, and definitely linking to sources so that people can see the proof for themselves is your expectation for the answer from the aro community that you were looking for earlier is "we'll make a bigger effort to clear up the misunderstandings"??
  12. if you scroll down a bit here: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/resources-1 there are online resources and aromantics in creative works, which could be a start There is a ace/aro database that collects data about allosexual aros too and, spoiler alert, a list of books that you could suggest your local library buy for Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week in february is in the works
  13. I think it'd be very helpful and i don't understand what you're saying about it not going in two directions. The examples there are, in simple, on one side of the scale (extreme romantic ones) and aromanticism is on the other end of the scale. Knowing what's in the middle would be informative. Aromanticism isn't everything but the most extreme romantic experiences that were displayed here. Alloromantic experiences could also include less intense ones, possibly to the point where it's a choice whether someone could identify as aromantic or alloromantic
  14. Sounds like it could be a good start for me, maybe one more involved member could make a difference 😄
  15. you know now that i think about it, we could establish some other ways for aros to meet irl first, like regular group meetups where people could befriend each other, bc still it requires less expertise than building an app would!! and then when you have some networks maybe marketing an app would be easier aromantic spectrum awareness week is coming up in february, maybe some one-time meetups at least could be organized for that for example!!
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