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bydontost

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About bydontost

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    Tost
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    aro

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  1. It didn't occur to us initially to invite beta readers, because we didn't expect the site launch to immediately catch the attention of everyone outside the aro community, just the insiders so to speak, so we were going to accept suggestions and feedback then. For the past few days we've been thinking about changing that though, because it's true that any errors that could find their way in could decrease credibility if the website was presented as a final version from the start. So we were thinking of starting with a short beta period for the whole website, possibly on a different domain, a link to which would be shared on the forums and with selected people from discord and tumblr. We'd ask for feedback (tangible recommendations of what could be improved) in the e-mail form so that it's easier to keep track of and after addressing that feedback and making the changes, we'd launch the site in a final-ish version (as we'd be still open to feedback then).
  2. As @bananaslug said, our goals right now are as follows: As we mentioned before, we want this website to act like an official resource for education about aromanticism and a way to connect various aromantic discussions happening in different spaces. This first aim and trying to get contact from media through the website especially means that we'd be treated as representatives, as a way for people who aren't aromantic to get insight into aromantic perspectives from an inside source. That said, we will invite others to contribute or volunteer and represent the organization as a whole, should they wish to. We don't want to be the only representatives (i.e., ignoring others or pretending we know everything) but our team is made up of people who are ready to devote the time and energy to do their research and act as spokespeople for official purposes. We'll have an "About" page, which will introduce everyone on the team, so it'll be clear who is actually working on the website, in what capacity and what specific input they have (for example in terms of non-sam identities). We can include the basis on which people were chosen for the team. We won't include anything about not being the chosen representatives, because this would just undermine the website in the eyes of people coming from the outside of aro communities. We'd rather work to really represent aromantics as well as possible. It's true, one of main aims of this initiative's is to represent aromantics, because we think we (aros) need that. We are monitoring this thread - if you have a question, feel free to ask it and we'll answer. What's the question?
  3. For me, the problems I have with my aromanticism come from the society around me, not the fact that (at least for now) my aromantic plans for life include staying single nonromantically and otherwise. So, yeah, some of my friends may move on, but maybe not everyone and I'll make some new ones, I'll have my family... It'll hurt when someone implies I should give romance a shot, but I'll know that I'm living a life true to myself without it. Like idk, I think not being depressed helps a lot - I'm not sure what the future has in store for me, but I don't see it as bleak..?? This may sound like empty words, but hell, there are people out there who share the same values as you, who would think of your friendship as precious, even though it may be harder to find them, when more people are focused on romantic relationships. So uh yeah. And romo love still isn't the cure to everything, ensuring that the people who feel it will have Their Person - relationships don't work out, feeling are not reciprocated, feelings fade. So idk, I don't think we're getting such a bad deal I guess
  4. Hmm, you mean like, a lithromantic person who gets het crushes, but the attraction then goes weird, fades, or there's no need to be in a relationship..?? On a principle I'd say that since lithro is an aromantic spectrum identity and aros are queer, then yeah. I guess it depends if you feel queer because of it though too
  5. Again, we're not asking you to trust us at this point, but to be willing to suspend your distrust when you see the website and then judge if we're doing good or if we need to work on allo aro inclusiveness more. I think that actions speak louder than words and in this case, the actions is the website and I'm not sure if our assurances that (as one example) we all don't see aromanticism as a subset of asexuality would convince you. Thank you for the suggestion of issues we should be mindful of, I can happily tell you that everyone on the team is familiar with alloaroworlds and hir work on tumblr. At this point I'm not sure further conversation is leading anywhere.
  6. From what I understood, Mark would be more comfortable with the majority of the team being allo aro, because they're allo aro themself and it'd probably protect allo aros' interests better. We can't provide that comfort for Mark, but I can share what the criteria were for choosing people for the team, so maybe it's more understandable why identity wasn't the most important. First of all, I and the team wanted people who we knew and trusted, as the initiative is more serious than a blog, involves money and our personally identifying information being shared. Then, we wanted people who were active in the aromantic community, informed, contributing to it, people who could really do the work that we set out to do in a way that would be good for the community. We also looked for people who were facilitating discussions and stayed reasonable during them, were willing to hear all arguments and try and reconcile multiple points of view instead of jumping to conclusions, as well as be responsible. And we also considered identities. Out of the people who met all those criteria and were contacted, we gathered our team. One allo aro who we asked couldn't participate in the project and we're still waiting for a response from another one.
  7. Understandable, however at the moment we don't have a majority of aro allo leadership and identity was a secondary criterion when picking members. We haven't yet, but we're going to ask them about their policies about including allo aros. Due to the nature of this project, it may be not finished when the site goes live, but we're going to work on that. As for the links, yeah, what I meant was that the references would be to ace-first sites/groups/communities. Our glossary isn't going to be a collection of links and we're right now in the process of tracking down coinages, divergences in use and all that. We're especially aware of the issue with quoiromantic and its definitions. And our plan is to be that resource for all matters aro. As for the resources about romantic coded behaviour, romance repulsion, monogamy repulsion and talking about aromanticism with allos - thanks for bringing those up, we have resources in mind for romance repulsion and explaining aromanticism to allos, we'll write in romantic coded behavior as a project and as for monogamy repulsion, I'm not sure if it's an aromantic issue, could you elaborate/provide a source?
  8. We're going to be an aromanticism site, not asexual + aromantic site, which means asexuality itself won't be a focus. We'll also have some resources for allosexual aros. Since aromantic communities in general are less established than ace ones and ace ones have some resources on aromanticism, we'll end up with a lot of links to ace+aro resources (for example in the "in-person groups" section, which has groups for aces and aros together). The solution to that is that we'll specify which resources are specific to aros and which are aspec, so that people who want to interact with the aro-specific ones will be able to access them easily. And, as @eatingcroutons pointed out, I myself am allosexual, so this perspective is definitely not going to be overlooked and while there may be a disproportion in resources, in the informational sections we will be including allosexual and asexual parts of the aros' experience both.
  9. The aro website is happening! We'd be grateful for help with the costs for domain, hosting and e-mail, so if you can and want to support this project your money would be very much appreciated. You can chip in here: https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8e0zrbpbIW The website is going to aim to be an official front for aromanticism, featuring faq, resources, e-mail contact for press/media, glossary and such. Currently the team is me, Magni @Magni, Neir @running.tally, HotRamen @HotRamen, and @bananaslug aka aroacepagans on tumblr. We'd be happy to answer questions should any arise too
  10. I think it always has been around, tho it was not treated as an universal phenomenon (and sometimes may have been undesirable if it got in the way of an arranged marriage for example). Right now it's treated as something that is universal and that's what's Not Cool about it. I also think it's a manmade concept in the way that certain feelings in our society are interpreted as romantic and we're taught to think about them that way. Anddd as for if it's more simple or no - idk, it just is different
  11. huh this sounds like a complicated situation and friends using friends as therapists is really unsustainable in the long run, so good call on trying to end that. it sounds like some distance could help right now, except that living with friend 2 doesn't make that entirely possible. can you find more support in this situation in other friends...??
  12. A bit, yeah, but I'm also not out to a lot of people as aromantic (it's mostly trusted friends). Sometimes I don't wanna say aromantic when I feel that this would receive more doubt that even "I don't want to date" does sometimes. I want to bring visibility to the orientation, but as always it's a choice between being true to yourself, talking to people on the level they're more likely to understand and not wanting to be doubted. This is before I read the link - but it seems impossible for me to gain acceptance without visibility...?? People need to *know* we exist before they can accept us. I think that the end goal is "acceptance", but it can't be done without visibility...?? Or do you mean to say that since "acceptance" is not clearly articulated as the end goal, our only goal is visibility?? (this may get an edit as I read the link) edit: nope, doesn't need an edit, except to add that: is the acceptance from the 5 people in the shadows better than visibility and other people who will find out about the orientation being able to find acceptance in orientation-specific communities...?? to me the second option is better tbh, bc the people who want to hate us will do it anyway.
  13. I mean I guess sometimes, but what happened that there were so many falling outs??
  14. I think this part of this is crucial - he understood that his crush made you uncomfortable, but didn't distance himself and didn't move on, but tried to reestablish some relation (whether in hopes of friendship or romance doesn't really matter - you don't owe your friendship to anyone either). So in this case it sounds like a good call for me, that it was beneficial to you.
  15. I wanted to suggest another one - aurea (arospec union for recognition, education and advocacy)?? it is a word, in latin (better than english tho) and an acronym for a software company
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