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Cassiopeia

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Everything posted by Cassiopeia

  1. Did you have any aromantic moments as a kid? Maybe as a teenager, before you were familiar with the label? I used to hate Disney, and kinda still do. Well, most Disney. (I loved Lion King, cos it wasn't as focused on romantic love as the rest of them...and also, I used to think Simba was female, it had nice long hair, my first language has no gendered pronouns, and six years old me wasn't too well informed when it came to lions, so...anyway, that's another story) So, I used to get repulsed by most of their cartoons, and just leave the room when they started singing. My parents were so amazed by my wonderful taste in music, but looking back, it wasn't really the music itself that made me cringe, but the plot. Anybody else had similar?
  2. !This topic may discuss some sexual things that could make people uncomfortable. That is not my intention, so please stay safe! Fellow people who have mismatching orientations (so mainly allosexual aromantic or alloromatic ace folks, but others can reply as well), where is the line that separates sexual and romantic things? Are there certain gestures, actions, behaviours that clearly fall into this or that category for you, no matter what? (OK, sex obviously is sex.) But what about gestures that can be seen as both sexual and romantic? The prompt for this topic was this strange discovery I had about kissing. I never was the one to just randomly make out front of the lockers at school. In fact, I never really understood what's the point of it. For me, if a kiss happens in a neutral setting, it feels awkward and slimy, and unnecessary. Even boring. Like kissing good bye? (As in french kiss). Nope. I'd rather give them a hug or something, that feels a lot more meaningful. But if it happens in a sexual situation, it is exciting. Its a bit like when you switch another light source on, suddenly everything seems different, but still the same. Like somehow the whole kissing thing starts to make sense. The action itself is the same, at least on the physical level, but I can feel a clear contrast in how it feels. I cannot explain what is exactly different about it, it just is. It feels lot more natural as well. Anybody else had similar experiences?
  3. I kinda like that this forum is active all night all day, because it conforms to my weird sleeping patterns, and its nice when someone says good night around 10 am on the chat. But I wanted to know when to expect people to be online? At least vaguely? And then maybe we could have topics for local communities too? I just want to know if there would be enough people to fill it up.
  4. Cassiopeia

    How old are you?

    Just I wanted to find some aro people who are around the same age as I, cos I have the feeling that I'm a bit older than most members.
  5. Are there certain forms of romantic content that make you cringe you less? Does it fluctuate? Like on some days, I can put up with some stuff, but on others, I just can't. Its strange. With music, I don't mind it at all, as 95% of the songs are about love, and I have just learned to tune it out and not to listen to the lyrics. Books are mostly okay-ish. Romantic movies are an absolute nope.
  6. Prompted by a post in another topic, lets discuss how we sabotage ourselves in order to attempt to conform to the norm-and how to find a healthier way of thinking.
  7. I wanted to make this thread for a long long time, but I have always chickened out so far...its just one of those topics where people are likely to start an argument and I really wasn't up for that. But lets talk about it because I think we have to. As the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, we have to declare pretty often that our orientation isn't a health condition, again and again and again. I do not want to pathologise anyone's identity, I'm sure there are lots of aromantic people who aren't struggling with their mental health. But some of us are and its not easy to talk about these feelings, especially when most people seem to think a relationship would fix all my problems. While I'm 100% sure that romantic love does not cure mental illnesses, I wonder what it would be like if I would not have something that messes with my feelings all the time. I have had depression since my early teens, so I can only guess. Not developing crushes, not feeling like someone is extra special and magical, when you generally don't feel motivated by anything anyway kind of seems to fit into that pattern. When you have to force yourself to have any kind of social interaction, to actually get out of bed, put a smile on and be interested takes lots of effort. Its not so easy to distinguish romance repulsion and general misanthropia caused by depression and/or anxiety. tl,dr I just feel like crap, and I have no idea what would be the so called "normal".
  8. Cassiopeia

    The Sapphic Thread

    I know there aren't many of us on this forum just yet, but maybe later on it will get busy as well. Let's try to keep this thread open minded and inclusive. So, bi girls, pan girls, lesbians and other women who are some way or another are with other women please talk about your experiences, chat, create communities, talk about books, friendships, sexuality, feminism, movies, music, events...
  9. Does the other person's gender have an effect on how well you connect with them? Does your platonic and sexual orientation match?
  10. So, I guess it would be easier if everyone around us was aro, but obviously that is not the case. Technically they can be in a QPR, but how well would it work out if their partner was aro? I know, there are some examples, but I would like to know if any of you have personal experiences or thoughts on the matter? Do you think such a relationship could work well for both parties? Would an alloromantic person even want a QPR as their primary relationship? Do you think honest communication is enough or some arrangements are just doomed from the start? Is it possible to have both of their needs met, or are some compromises and sacrifices necessary?
  11. Anybody else hates this term? Correct me if I'm wrong, but to me, it implies that non-sexual friendships have no benefits sex is something you get, not something you do together the people involved take advantage of each other that its a shallow, second rate, non-serious thing In my opinion, it is just disrespectful? Sounds like something made up by frat boys...
  12. Disclaimer: this is exactly what it says on the tin. We are going to talk about all sorts of sex, STDs, consent, safer sex, birth control, hookups, relationships, being poly or preferring monogamy, kinks, sextoys, etc.Therefore all posts may contain content of a sexual nature. All sorts of sexual orientations, including aces are welcome. Okay, so lets be honest, celibacy and solitude isn't the thing for everyone. Wanting sex as an allosexual aro, people face a stigma, so its difficult to get advice... I'm trying to create a friendly, accepting space where people could ask the questions and find the answers they are looking for. So please be open minded, respectful and do not make negative remarks on other users' sex lives or the lack of one. You may ask questions such as: Should we come out the gynecologist/GP if our identity affects our sex lives? When is the right time to have the Aro Talk with a (potential) regular sex partner? What is the best way to negotiate condoms/dental dams/barriers in a one night stand? Is it a good idea to come out as aro on Tinder? How do you know if your potential partner respects your consent and boundaries? Should we pursue sex with alloromantic people, and if yes, how should we tell them about romance repulsion? Should we keep the sexual part of a sexual friendship a secret or not? etc.
  13. Cassiopeia

    The relationships poll

    I was wondering how many of us want to be in a QPR, and in general what is the ideal type of relationship for the average aro spec person.
  14. Discussing and respecting each others boundaries is extremely important. This sort of talk should come up sooner or later in a sexual setting to ensure mutual consent and explore each others secret desires. Its a more known concept, so your partner is more likely to ask questions like "may I touch your (insert body part)?" or "may I kiss you?" or "how do you like to be touched?". In cases of courtship rituals or romantic gestures.... well its almost unheard of, people just take it for granted. Unfortunately people just assume that the other person would totally appreciate these gestures, and surprising one's partner/love interest with them is also a common thing. (Seriously, if you are a girl, suitors do some random romcom crap to you, out of the blue without asking. It can be quite distressing, especially if you are somewhere on the aro spectrum.) If you have got something like romance repulsion or some sort of trauma/triggers to deal with, you better talk about these things. I guess nobody wants to freak out their QPP/friend/sex partner/other. And the gender roles are also culturally defined, usually men are expected to do these things to win and keep the woman's affections. In reality that arrangement may or may not suit the people involved. In case of same sex partners, the roles may not be so obvious. This is a good way to find out what the other person wants and likes or secretly wishes for. The idea came from @Mark's comment on the QPP request form in the another thread. Although that has some of this, but I agree, its kinda vague. I based the structure of it on sexual yes/no/maybe tick lists like this one (commonly used in BDSM/fetish communities). The idea is that the people involved each get a box to tick, so the preferences are easy to compare (this one is for two persons, but I'm working one a poly version). But instead of sex, I tried to gather some common types non-sexual intimacy and romance coded activities. I used various lists (1, 2) and stuff people mentioned to have issues with on this forum. Anything I should add? Do you find this useful? The first draft looks like this (still cooking, some parts sound really awkward): Y = Yes N = No M =Maybe Courting rituals: Receiving cut flowers □ □ Giving cut flowers □ □ Receiving potted flowers □ □ Giving potted flowers □ □ Receiving a box of chocolates □ □ Giving a box of chocolates □ □ Receiving a small present □ □ Giving a small present □ □ Being invited for a drink □ □ Buying a drink for the other □ □ Being invited for a meal □ □ Buying a meal for the other □ □ Receiving good morning texts □ □ Sending good morning texts □ □ Receiving romantic images/quotes □ □ Sending romantic images/quotes □ □ Dancing closely together in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Preferring to lead □ □ Sharing food □ □ Sharing drinks □ □ Being asked on a date □ □ Asking the other on a date (organizing the date) □ □ Restaurant dates □ □ Cinema dates □ □ Watching romantic movies together □ □ Coffee shop dates □ □ Dance dates □ □ Ice skating dates □ □ Camping □ □ Stay at home dates as host □ □ as guest □ □ “Netflix and chill” as host □ □ as guest □ □ Sex dates as host □ □ as guest □ □ in a neutral location □ □ Other types of dates □ □ person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... Celebrating anniversaries □ □ Celebrating Valentine’s day □ □ Displays of affection, intimacy: Holding hands in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Walking arm in arm in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being hugged from the side in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Face to face hugging in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being hugged from the back in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Hugging the other from the back in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Sitting on the other person's lap in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ The other person sitting on your lap in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the cheek in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the cheek in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the lips in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the lips in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the neck in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the neck in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the back of your hand in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the back of their hand in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the back or shoulder in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the back or shoulder in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Deep kissing (romantic kissing) in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Making out (sexual kissing) in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Cuddles in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Nuzzling the other person in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being nuzzled in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Napping together □ □ Sleeping in the same bed □ □ Hugging while sleeping together □ □ I prefer to be the big spoon □ □ little spoon □ □ other □ □ Taking a shower together □ □ Taking a bath together □ □ Having sex in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Playing video games together □ □ Reading together □ □ Talking about personal things with the other □ □ Talking about crushes with the other □ □ Seeing the other person naked □ □ Being seen naked □ □ Receiving a massage □ □ Giving a massage □ □ Getting my hair styled by the other person □ □ Doing the other person's hair □ □ Getting my makeup done by the other person □ □ Doing the other person's makeup □ □ Being fed by the other person □ □ feeding the other person □ □ Borrowing and wearing each others clothing □ □ Lending clothing to the other □ □ Verbal: Being called on pet names, endearments in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Calling the other on pet names, endearments in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Preferred pet name(s) and endearment(s): person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... Declaring romantic feelings (ie: I love you) □ □ Receiving declarations of romantic feelings □ □ Declaring affection (ie: You are very important to me) □ □ Receiving declarations of affection □ □ I’d like to meet you in person/spend time with you: every day □ □ every 2-3 days □ □ every week □ □ every 2-3 weeks □ □ once a month □ □ other: person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... I’d like to stay in contact with you: every day □ □ every 2-3 days □ □ every week □ □ every 2-3 weeks □ □ once a month □ □ other: person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... via person/a email text skype chat app phone call snail mail other: ................................................... person/b email text skype chat app phone call snail mail other: ...................................................
  15. Cassiopeia

    Sense8

    Yes :3 The christmas special had two points where I wanted to hit the wall or something, but otherwise its a good show. One of them was the scene where the bunch of slurs came up, and they decided to mix in the word 'pig'...seriously? The guy was high as a kite on some hard drugs 24/24 for the last few months, he looks like a zombie, he abandoned his family without a word and that's what you can come up with? That he is/was a cop? Also there were some allonormative things as well.
  16. Cassiopeia

    Aromanticism and attachment styles

    @SoulWolf and @NullVector I don't want to derail the topic too much, especially that I have already made a whole thread dedicated to the issue. The nature vs. nuture question is an interesting one as well, and also a very sensitive topic.
  17. Cassiopeia

    Red, orange, blue, rainbow goats!

    yes (1) (not mod green)
  18. Cassiopeia

    Red, orange, blue, rainbow goats!

    green 3 (not mod green)
  19. Cassiopeia

    Red, orange, blue, rainbow goats!

    green 1 (not mod green)
  20. Cassiopeia

    Aromanticism and attachment styles

    cw: rant about my shitty mental health I got 4.72 on the anxiety part and 5.83 on the avoidance part. I used the description of a partner as in friend or qpp or as a code for any general relationship. I'm not sure how I got the fearful-avoidant attachment thing, although it does describe me but in a weird reverse way. I do have issues with really high anxiety levels, and surprise surprise it put me into the fearful region, but the rest is quite the opposite. I'm quite the opposite. I tend to worry if my feelings are enough, and I find myself offering people a way out of the relationship every now and then, and not being too bothered if they decide to go. Also I tend to encourage people I'm close to to also have connections with others. I'm perfectly happy to listen to them or give affection. So I don't really get this part. Maybe I'm just my own type of messed up. I always had feelings of not belonging anywhere, and talking about feelings, especially negative feelings was always a complicated thing for me. I don't like to be dependent on people, and I don't like to pile my problems on others. I guess it stems from the ultimate neurodivergent experience of knowing that if you talk about struggling with something, you will be forced to deal with the thing all the time. This is part of the reason why I'm not sure if I can really claim the aro label. Not because I don't fit the "official" description, but because I do so due to mental health issues I should probably work on instead of creating an identity based on them. (Yes, I'm questioning again, that's why I don't really post recently.)
  21. Cassiopeia

    Discussion of femininity

    That's so awkward from the other way around as well. I don't know how many times I had to explain as a teenager that no, I'm not hatin', I'm just really gay. Since then I have learned how to admire people a bit less obviously. cw: razors
  22. Cassiopeia

    To "come out"

    Parents are tricky to come out to. There are a variety of reactions, they may not be condescending. They may brush it off and go into full on denial. They may get angry. I'd suggest try doing it individually, one on one, and find a calm setting where none of you are disracted. Good luck
  23. so topshop calls their purple lipstick "straight ace"

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