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Powder

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About Powder

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 03/30/1995

Personal Information

  • Name
    Tati
  • Gender
    nonvirmina (calling me nonbinary or genderqueer is fine!)
  • Pronouns
    they/them, ey/em
  • Location
    Brazil
  • Romanticism
    Aroflux
  • Sexuality
    Demisexual

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  1. Powder

    Anyone want to help me make a website?

    As someone who has a similar site, I completely understand that you want people to have the best experience possible, and that you are trying to do your best to have something useful up as soon as possible. However, I'm not sure if the site as it is is the best model for what you want. For instance, Queer Undefined has a comment-based system, but you also need to search specifically for what you want. Pride-Flags' gender, gender-related and sex-related list (A to K / L to Z) has tags, which helps if people are searching for specific things, such as fluid genders or unknown genders. LGBTQIAP+ Dictionary has lists of related terms. And Tumblr blogs such as Uncommon Genders directly answer questions such as "I'm x and y, is there any label that fits me?" Splitting LGBTQIAPN+ identities into 6 sections (not even separating fluid orientations from fluid genders or different kinds of gender-based attraction), without any kind of tagging system, and expecting people from any group to just post about their experiences doesn't seem like a good long term idea. By the time the site has enough comments for people to go through and get a grasp of several different identities, those comments will be hard to sort through without the right keywords. I think it's also pretty important to have more catch-all terms, for people to fall back on if they at least know something about their identity, but not all of it. For the gender-based attraction page (the one labeled as allo, and I'm not sure that would be a good word for people who are just starting out and may know they are, say, a-spec and trying to find out if they "still can" be pan or gay or something), I would recommend having: Sapphic/wlw: A woman who is attracted to women, exclusively or not; Trixic/Orbisian/nblw: A nonbinary person who is attracted to women, exclusively or not; Duaric/wlm or mlw: A woman who is attracted to men or a man who is attracted to women, exclusively or not; Achillean/mlm: A man who is attracted to men, exclusively or not; Toric/Quadrisian/nblm: A nonbinary person who is attracted to men, exclusively or not; Enbian/nblnb: A nonbinary person who is attracted to nonbinary people, exclusively or not; Asterian/wlnb: A woman who is attracted to nonbinary people, exclusively or not; Astroidian/mlnb: A man who is attracted to nonbinary people, exclusively or not. Comsexual/comromantic are also good terms to have, and I'm not sure if I've seen pomo anywhere, or if you even have a place for it since it's not necessarily a-spec nor gender-based, nor fluid nor static. For the gender page, I would recommend removing third gender (people who can use the term probably already know it exists), and adding transneutral, ningender, fingender, mingender, neurogender, gender neutral and stargender. Although I think the biggest problem may be that, the more I read, the more I found inaccurate, outdated, and unnecessary additions of both terms and descriptions. I recommend you either spend more time within more inclusive LGBTQIAPN+ spaces, especially within specific communities. Using the 90's definition of intergender has been frowned upon for years, since an intersex person has independently coined intergender as a gender identity affected by being intersex. Demigender people are not necessarily bigender, and may have two binary genders. Bi people can be attracted to more than two genders and most bi communities stand by that, sapio is usually considered ableist, that pangender definition is considered offensive and outdated, neu (attracted to genderless people) and neuro (neurodivergence affects your attraction) are two different things, it's quoisexual and not quoirosexual, and so on. Sorry for being harsh, but if you are new to the community, or are not used to the definitions used outside of ace/aro spaces, you need to research more before making a help website for the community as a whole. If you want to, I'm happy to help with counseling and stuff - I have a lot of experience in this area - but yeah... making such a website is not an easy task. (btw sorry for anyone that saw this earlier, I did some strange shortcut that sent my message in the middle of writing it)
  2. Powder

    Anyone want to help me make a website?

    I find the list on this forum pretty outdated and somewhat inaccurate, tbh. This list is not completely up to date, but it's more complete and accurate in general. New labels are always popping up, so it's hard to get everything from a single source. But I don't think you need to worry much about getting the latest labels, at least for now. Just know there will never be a complete list. ^^
  3. As in, how those other attractions/orientations can be acknowledged? Fictional stories, pamphlets/informative posts about orientations, articles focusing on specific identities, explicit inclusion at communities that are for specific orientations that include, say, not only bisexual people but also biromantic people who are not bisexual. As for examples of usefulness: Some aro and/or ace people use sensual, alterous, queerplatonic and/or aesthetic orientation labels as "bases" for seeking relationships and/or communities; Some people can better understand their attractions after learning about sensual or aesthetic attraction as separate from sexual or romantic attraction; Some people use queerplatonic or alterous orientations to be able to communicate the gender(s) their queerplatonic/alterous partners can be, or if they are able to be interested in those kinds of relationships at all.
  4. Powder

    Hello

    It's always nice to learn more about communities you belong to. Welcome!
  5. Media is starting to have more characters that are not straight. Usually gay or lesbian, but sometimes bi, pan or asexual. People are starting to include information about orientations other than heterosexual, gay, lesbian and bisexual on their LGBTQIAPN+ pamphlets, flag lists and pride month art. However, a lot of these resources still insist on only talking about sexual orientations. Or on only including sexual orientation labels. Because romantic orientations, or orientations of other kinds, are still considered too niche, or "modifiers". Because most people are used to definitions of sexual orientation that include romantic orientations within them. Or considered too superfluous, and so on. Most communities don't seem to mind being lumped together, they at most complain about how, say, multisexual isn't as inclusive as multi or m-spec because non-multisexual multi people exist. But I think aro and ace communities are different in this regard. For instance, we usually consider that a lot of things we (a-spec people in general) experience aren't based solely on a lack of attraction, but specifically on a lack of a specific kind of attraction. Pressure to find a single true love? Aromantic issue. Pressure to have sex as an important milestone in life? Asexual issue. Difficulty to find a story that has no romance in its plot? Aromantic issue. Being uncomfortable with the assumption that everyone cares about sex and wants to see naked people? Asexual issue. Of course, these do not only affect aromantic or asexual people, but they are things that come to mind when talking about navigating society as aro or as ace. And then we have controversies surrounding aro being lumped within being ace: see that recent convo with positiveaspec, which indirectly led me to message the admin of asexual.space because there is inclusion of aromantic in one line or another while the name of the instance is asexual space, it has an ace flag as a header and the example used tells about cis heteroromantic aces but not about cis heterosexual aros. So, yeah. I'm not saying everyone just doesn't care about romantic orientations, but that things like these are really common. What I want to discuss is: Do you think it's important to talk about romantic orientations as well as sexual ones? Do you feel like this is necessary but only within the context of being a-spec, as our experiences tend to be more varied? Do you think that it would also be nice if people acknowledged kinds of orientations that are not sexual or romantic more often? Do you feel comfortable as an aro in spaces that are "for asexual people and also aromantic I guess"? Do you feel like your experience as an aro is acknowledged/included within other orientation communities (eg. lesbian, pansexual, asexual), or within LGBTQIAPN+/IMOGA/queer communities, if you participate/lurk at those kinds of spaces?
  6. Powder

    Trying to Figure Out Who I Am

    Hi there, and welcome! I'm glad you could make your way to finding out you're aromantic eventually; most people just assume everyone is perioriented (all relevant orientations have the same prefix, such as asexual and aromantic or pansexual and panromantic) and don't say anything about other possibilities. As for what kind of aro-spec you are, you don't seem to be describing anything that reminds me of a more specific label than aromantic. Regarding relationships, there are relationships other than romantic ones, and you might want to know more about queerplatonic relationships and alterous attraction (1, 2, 3, 4). And you can totally identify just as aromantic, or as aromantic + a sexual orientation (such as bisexual or heterosexual, or even such as gay or neptunic, which are words that may be used as any kind of orientation). Or as aromantic + queerplatonic orientation, or as aromantic + alterous orientation + sexual orientation, and so on. 😋
  7. Powder

    Confused hello from newbie

    Welcome! The definition that should be used for aromantic is just someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction (and this is also a common definition in many places). I understand most aros don't want romantic relationships, but I don't see why that should be the definition, since the definition for other orientations are usually based on who you are capable of being attracted to, not on what relationships you want. There is a label named cupioromantic, which is for people who are unable of feeling romantic attraction who still desire romantic relationships. And people who are cupioromantic may still identify as aromantic or arospec. Regardless, I hope you find a way to identify that you feel comfortable with! I know a lot about labels, so feel free to talk to me if you are looking for something more detailed. ^^
  8. Powder

    Aromantic added to dictionary

    Really nice to see romantic orientations being added; this can be a game changer for varioriented people without much access to LGBTQIAPN+ spaces.
  9. I think whether or not you should avoid your friend depends on what was said by Holmbo; one thing is being dismissive and crushing your sense of identity once, and another is doing this constantly. The post above also has a nice tip, imho. But I don't think you need to worry if you are "really aro" or not. If aro fits you right now, just keep identifying as aro, even if later you may not identify as such. Maybe with time your friend will understand it's not a phase (especially if being aro is news to her), and that even if you weren't aro, doubting and ignoring your own feelings and experiences is not a good thing and usually doesn't help the questioning process.
  10. Powder

    Confused

    You can be, if you feel like it applies to you! I certainly feel bad about having a romantic relationship or being confessed to in general when I'm unable to experience romantic attraction. If you feel like you are aro-spec in some way but don't know how to articulate it, here are some posts that may help you understand possibilities or even sort out your own romantic orientation: You might be aromantic if... Experiences with romance repulsion: one, two, three Lithromantic / Akoiromantic Idem- Gray aromantic Dread- Aroamory Queerplatonic relationship What does a squish mean? Remember that you don't need to label yourself, to label yourself in the most specific way possible, or to stay with the same label for your whole life, if you don't feel like a label doesn't apply to you anymore. Labels are tools to be used, not prescriptions you need to abide by forever.
  11. Powder

    New aroflux member here~

    Oooh, nice! It hasn't even crossed my mind to check the emoticon list until now. You're welcome! And thanks! Ooh, nice! Se vocĂȘ se interessar, talvez seja legal ao menos passar no fĂłrum do Orientando, ou em nosso Discord, ou talvez atĂ© mesmo na colorid.es, se vocĂȘ tem interesse em redes sociais estilo Twitter tambĂ©m. ^^ (Por acaso, no nosso Discord uma boa parte do grupo pode ser considerada dentro do espectro arromĂąntico. @_@) {Translation for mods: Ooh, nice! If you are interested, maybe it would be cool to at least take a look at Orientando's forums, or Discord [group], or maybe even at colorid.es, if you are interested in Twitter-style social media too. ^^ (Incidentally, a good chunk of our Discord group may be considered aro-spec. @_@) Further context: Aro-friendly LGBTQIAPN+ spaces are pretty hard to find in the lusosphere. Heck, as far as I know, the only aro-focused space is a FB group with 100-200 members owned by an aroace guy who denies that aromantic can be called an orientation, because to him only certain sexual orientations can be orientations. }
  12. Powder

    New aroflux member here~

    Thanks for welcoming me
  13. Powder

    Aro/Queer Family Members?

    My mother said she's demisexual like me, but I'm not sure how much she considers herself 'not-100%-hetero'. Coming out as nonbinary, as demisexual and as bi has been really stressful to me, even if my parents support me in theory... I'm probably not telling them I'm aroflux unless it comes up, so it would be hard to talk about romantic orientation/being on the aro spectrum with them. I know I have a cousin who as far as I know is a cis girl who I'm told has kissed a girl, so she may be sapphic, but I don't have enough contact with her to know what her orientation and gender really are. A part of my family is really into conservative Christianity so I know they wouldn't say anything if they were outside of the norm, and while the rest is more "liberal" I have no way to be sure either.
  14. Powder

    Liking proximity without touch

    I think you could look into the asensual spectrum for this. There's sadly not much of an asensual community, though... What you describe seems somewhat similar to aegosensuality, volitsensuality and/or acorsensuality. Regardless of labels, though, desire is a complicated thing. It's possible to want/crave things in vague and nebulous ways, while not being able to actually engage with them.
  15. There are also other kinds of words for having strong attraction to someone, See: http://alterous-albatross.tumblr.com/post/145928544200/hi-is-there-a-word-for-an-alterous-crush-im (there are better links but I can't find them D:) The way you are describing seems similar to aesthetic attraction, imho: https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/66894636341/thete-aesthetic-attraction-crush-romantic But yeah, it can also be another kind of attraction. This is just a suggestion.
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