Jump to content


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


About snapesonalane

  • Rank

Personal Information

  • Name

Recent Profile Visitors

61 profile views
  1. snapesonalane

    Early signs that you were aro

    Lol saaaaaaaame! I just loved the idea of having a friendship as close as Bella and Jacob's, although admittedly I only ever saw the movies so I'm sure I missed out on their friendship. Things got way boring for me once the love triangle came in, I was not into it. I always used to think those kinds of friendships were what romance should be like, oh how naive my aro ass was. I was always so confused when they told me I must like someone. I just didn't get it. I would think, well who made that silly rule? When pressed I would actually say I liked someone from "my old school" so they wouldn't tease me about a real person because I just loathed teasing. Still makes me cringe and I'm 23.
  2. snapesonalane

    assumption of aromanticness because of asexuality

    Yes for some reason it's important to me too. It doesn't hurt me in any way but I guess it's that almost responsibility to explain the split attraction model and not create misconceptions that makes it really important that I explain.
  3. snapesonalane

    assumption of aromanticness because of asexuality

    Much like @Falcon7 I also add a short explanation. I feel like it confuses people because I'm basically say, "not all aces are aro," when they say something implying that assumption. Then they ask me what I am then I have to sheepishly reply that while not all aces are aro, I certainly am.
  4. snapesonalane

    Confusing aesthetic attraction for romantic attraction

    I should have mentioned I experience next to zero sensual attraction towards any gender, although my touch aversion and aspergers might be a big factor in that. I'll get an urge to trace the lines of their bodies with my eyes, almost as if for reference, but never any urge to touch. I do agree though that action (or rather the urge to take action) and attraction are very different. Perhaps that is why we have such a hard time defining our attractions, because we base them so much on whether we experience attraction and not on whether we experience an urge to act on that attraction. For example, I'm ace and have no innate desire to have sex but I get aroused with porn. Does that mean I'm sexual or that I want to do the acts in porn? Not really, because I still don't have an urge to have sex. However I also think there's room for overlap in different kinds of attraction. For example for romantic people sensual and romantic attraction are often hand in hand. I get how confusing it can be though and sometimes I think I would just like to give it a rest and stop thinking about it too much. Especially since I personally don't see the benefits now that I'm sure I'm aro/ace and never wish for sex or a nonplatonic relationship. But of course, this isn't the case for everyone. I am interested in knowing how other aros used to confuse different attraction types for romantic attraction, hence this thread.
  5. snapesonalane

    Confusing aesthetic attraction for romantic attraction

    I'm the opposite. I'll look at a girl who I like the look of and wish I could look like that. If she looks effortlessly cool I want to exude that kind of effortlessness as well. With guys it's a lot more of how they move, their gestures, their forearms are kind of a thing for me. Long fingers, the way tshirts settle on their shoulder blades. Its simple aesthetic attraction and since I'm a writer I find I often shape characters according to those characteristics I like. But yeah, when I want to emulate a girl I think looks aesthetically pleasing it's generally not good for my self esteem 😅 since I don't have the body type I usually like in others. Where I like the small chested, petite silhouette I'm neither of those. So when I buy clothes similar to those I like on someone I find aesthetically attractive they never make me look like them simply due to body limitations. So of course, you're smarter than me here since you avoid just that.
  6. snapesonalane

    physical 'symptoms' of romance repulsion

    Yeeeeeeees! Like an itchy throat that could escalate to dry heaving.
  7. I'm the same. I won't turn down a greeting hug (even if I don't really like hugging and it doesn't feel natural to me) because I don't want to be rude. I only ever hug my mom or my siblings, true hugs I mean. Not greeting hugs. Kissing is as you said: meh. And I don't even think I've ever even cuddled in my life with anyone that wasn't family and even then I can only take like 30 seconds of that. I can't even fathom cuddling with someone, it just seems so weighted in romantic interest. Even if it weren't no thanks.
  8. snapesonalane

    physical 'symptoms' of romance repulsion

    @Apathetic Echidna I tend to dislike other more possessive petnames ever more. My love, my darling. Ew! Put that shit back where it came from or so help me god--
  9. snapesonalane

    Confusing aesthetic attraction for romantic attraction

    Me too. I try not to use sexually weighted words because I don't like it when people sexualize my experience. Suddenly it'll feel tainted. For example I've always thought vocalist Brendan Urie to be very sexy. But what I mean by sexy isn't based on sex, just on the way he moves and acts which I like watching because it's aesthetically attractive. But I don't say much of this out loud because what other people hear is, "you're thirsty for Brendan Urie" (I heard those exact words once when I did describe him as sexy). I often joke that if I were sexual Brendan Urie would have been my sexual awakening but I digress. By mini me do you mean you want to be/look like them? Because before I knew I was aro I would experience this with girls which made me think I was bi/pan/gay because I liked a certain type (small, androgynous, mainly celebrities) but I now realize probably is just me liking the look and wishing I could emulate it. This never happened with men but maybe the aesthetic attraction towards men was more: if I were a guy that's how I'd wanna look. But more than any of that I probably just liked looking a pretty people. At the end of the day I now know I've never experienced romantic attraction towards any gender which is sort of a weight off my shoulders. But the whole confusing aesthetic for romantic attraction sure delayed my epiphany lol
  10. snapesonalane

    Confusing aesthetic attraction for romantic attraction

    I had a similar experience with women I found pretty. With men it was just the whole heteronomativity thing at play so I never questioned finding men aesthetically attractive. But when I realized I found women aesthetically attractive and since at the time I had to frame of reference to realize what I was feeling wasn't sexual or romantic attraction (because I also confused aesthetic for sexual before I knew I was ace) I assumed it must mean I'm bi. I played around with a lot of labels before I realized I just wasn't feeling any "I want to fuck" OR "I want to date" feelings for anyone. Now I just know that aesthetic attraction is the only kind I feel towards people, since I don't have any kind of sensual attraction (kiss, hug, cuddle) either. I used to think I was shallow because if I had to think of dating I only wanted to date good looking people. I could never get past that appearance barrier so I would pursue aesthetically pleasing people because I didn't realize at the time that the reason I couldn't bring myself to date people who weren't up to my "standards" was because of my being aro as fuck. I agree with you here, although I also think sometimes it's comforting to have a label you can use to describe your experience through the world. Like, sure I've had maybe one "crush" before so I might be lithromantic but since that was the only instance I'm comfortable saying I'm aro. While I think I understand what you mean by this I might define it as: innate interest in another person, i.e. a kind of interest you can't control which for most romantic people is based on that romantic attraction. If it were a sexual attraction then asexuals would never have crushes. Possibly what you are describing could be closer to a squish (yes I hate that term but it's the one used) since I'm positive sexual aros can experience those while accompanied by sexual attraction.
  11. snapesonalane

    You might be aro if...

    YMBAI you've never wanted to kiss someone and were surprised to learn that when people say, "I want to kiss [x]" they aren't just conciously deciding they want to kiss, it's an actual urge for them.
  12. snapesonalane

    physical 'symptoms' of romance repulsion

    Yes! Like the opposite of butterflies. Like unpleasant moths that don't feel at all nice and make you want to get out of whatever romantic thing is causing it. For me I don't mind in tv or movies but in real life I do not like pda, why would you kiss with smacking and tongue in public? It's gross and rude! At best I take a scientific interest. And if the romantic interest is towards myself then it's even worse. Disgust. I want to smack whoever called me sweetie or darling or babe and puke at the same time. I feel like cold water is dropped on my head. Where romantic people go loud I go quiet. Where romantic people increase their heart rate mine feels like it stops. I could describe so many instances where I was disgusted by romantic advances but then we would be here a while.
  13. First time I kissed I was drunk, it felt alright? Nothing to write home about. Second time I was high as a kite, it felt like too much tongue too soon into the kiss. It says a lot that I had to not be sober to let myself be kissed. I can't understand when someone says they want to kiss. I'm like, "seems fake but okay." I totally get it though. I felt bad too because the guy who kissed me actually took my hand and pressed it to his chest and said something about how his heart was beating super fast, very sweet but meanwhile here I was cool as a cucumber. I was thinking, wait does that happen? Like, in real life and not in books?
  14. snapesonalane

    Confusing aesthetic attraction for romantic attraction

    Oh it's awesome that you discovered this forum and are discovering you might be aromantic. I know I felt a relief once I realized I never had to marry/be in a relationship and that I had a reason why I felt that relief. I've always felt pressured into seeking a long term relationship because I'm in my early 20s and people are starting to think it's weird I've never been in a relationship. I always used to say something to the effect of, "I'm not into dating" which in my mind at the time meant, "I'm asexual and nobody will want to date me." But that I now realize was just: "I'm not into dating." I've been looking at people describing what romantic attraction feels like and I'm just reading through those posts with a big CAN'T RELATE sign on my forehead. They talk about wanting to kiss and hold hands, about being blissful in the presence of their crush, about it being a warmth and pull in their chest. About wanting to be entirely known and know that person entirely. I have never ever felt that. I could never understand why people in bad relationships didn't just leave, apparently it's because of this so called romantic love I'm never gonna get 😅. There's actually a really beautiful description on Reddit where this person describes what he felt when he had a crush on someone and honestly it sounded nice but not something I would ever personally want to feel. I know what you mean. I love my family and friends fiercely but I've never fallen in love (and probably never will). In a romantic plane I feel like a single dot in a world of interconnected lines. 1 dimensional where most are 2 (or even more, since polyamorous people are also on the other side of the spectrum). Whenever I thought of marriage (if I ever did) I pictured a fairytale instead of a soulmate. In fact I don't know what a soulmate outside of a platonic sense would feel like. I just can't picture myself in love. Anyways I'm happy you're here and honored you decided to post your first post here. I hope I helped you as you helped me 😊 although I barely even addressed the whole aesthetic attraction issue even though that was the point of my post hehe. But I do recognize that being allosexual presents a different set of challenges in recognizing your aromanticism. But at least for me, realizing I'm aromantic has taken a weight off my chest I didn't realize I had.
  15. Funny thing is it probably took me so long to realize I was aromantic is because I liked looking at people, which I thought must mean I had a crush on them. I find women and men very aesthetically attractive. I have a "type" of guy and girl. This isn't based entirely on the physical but when it's based on personality then it's probably more squish territory. So I would look at Anna Kendrick and Dylan O'Brien and just assume, "oh this is romantic attraction." A friend used to laugh because I described boys (and girls but it's less odd to do so) as pretty instead of hot or sexy. Probably because I was simply experiencing aesthetic attraction and nothing else. So did anyone else confuse aesthetic attraction for romantic? This is more directed at ace/grayace/demisexual aros since I suspect they might have experienced this more, but any allosexual aro who has experienced this as well please validate me! 😂😅