Jump to content


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


About eatingcroutons

  • Rank

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Romanticism
    Probably aro
  • Sexuality
    Mostly men

Contact Methods

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. eatingcroutons


    I missed this earlier but 💯💯💯 I'm not really into the Handmaid's Tale fandom, but this is definitely the sort of trainwreck that I'm into in most fictional contexts. Have you seen this Lin Manuel-Miranda quote? It definitely gets across the idea of wanting to vicariously try things in fiction that would make you uncomfortable in real life: "I find that, for me, the work is a safe place to put all the stuff you don’t want to put in your real life. ... I don’t want to have an affair. I don’t want to have a fucking gunfight. But! There’s a part of your brain that wants to experience everything, and so work’s a safe place to explore it all. Both in the writing and in the performing. I get to write about an affair. I get to have the guilt and the feeling of that without having to fuck my life up. [laughs] "Art is the place to safely explore all those other sides of you, because the side you want to bring home is the side that wants to be a good father and be a good husband and be a good son. In art we can be fucking nuts."
  2. eatingcroutons

    Religion Thread

    We're really not, and I really don't have the patience to rehash arguments I got bored of when I was a teenager 😂
  3. eatingcroutons

    Another Aromantic Test

    75% aromantic. For the rest, even split of 8% each for romantic/demisexual/asexual. 0% chance of being aroace. (I'm definitely not ace, so that makes sense I guess...!)
  4. eatingcroutons

    My gender

    I think that nobody is stupid for questioning how they feel about their gender identity, or wanting to be able to discuss gender identity without anyone taking their good-faith questions the wrong way. I think it's okay if you don't know for sure, right now, what your gender is. I think it's okay if you have one gender identity today and a different one tomorrow. I think that analysing how you feel about different aspects of femininity, and how you engage with them, is always a useful kind of introspection and self-discovery. I think you should keep doing that, if you feel it's helping you learn something about yourself. I think that if you haven't already, you should have a think about whether internalised misogyny might play a part in your being "intentionally uninterested in things just because they were seen as feminine". God knows all of us who have been socialised as women suffer to some extent from internalised misogyny. Ultimately though, I think the only person who can figure out what your gender identity is, is you. Keep questioning, keep thinking, remind yourself that you don't have to have an answer today and that your answer doesn't have to be permanent.
  5. eatingcroutons

    Hello World

    SO TRUE. What you like in fiction can be TOTALLY different to what you want irl. I know plenty of ace people who enjoy reading/writing porn, doesn't make them any less ace! Welcome, hope you enjoy yourself here!
  6. eatingcroutons

    You might be aro if...

    YMBAI every time you admit to a friend that you're beginning to think you might just not be a relationship person, they respond with some variant of, "I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT TEN YEARS AGO."
  7. eatingcroutons

    Tell me about your day

    Had a picnic lunch with a friend. Played football and scored a goal. Grilled some salmon and veg for dinner. Now catching up on politics in my home country with a glass of wine.
  8. eatingcroutons

    hello, there

    Feeling like friends value our friendship differently to me is deeefinitely something I empathise with. It sounds like you've got a good thing going with those two couples you know though - that's a start, right? I think the third-wheeliness is something you can adjust to, assuming you're not actually repulsed by PDA. Some of my friends are definitely touchier-feelier than others, which I've just kind of learned to ignore - unless it gets to the point where I feel like they're ignoring me while we're supposed to be spending time together, at which point I'll be like, "GOD guys, get a ROOM," and that usually snaps them out of it 😂 Like I said the whole platonic snuggle-buddy thing happened to me very much by luck, but maybe you could try being a bit more direct with the friends who seem okay with that sort of thing in principle? Like asking the one who used to hold hands with you if you can hold hands with her? Or sitting close to your other friend during movies, even when she hasn't been drinking?
  9. eatingcroutons

    hello, there

    Welcome, and I'm glad to hear that finding this place has helped you feel less alone! Funnily enough I've had the opposite reactions when talking to others about being "not a relationship person". It's my friends who've pretty much universally reacted with "well, duh" whereas the older I get the more my mum worries about me "missing out" on finding a partner and starting a family. I haven't tried using the word "aromantic" with mum yet but I might have to try it. Hopefully your friends will come around to the idea too! I'm sorry that you're feeling so lonely and isolated, that really sucks. For what it's worth though, being aromantic doesn't have to mean sentencing yourself to continuing to be lonely - there are totally things you can do to find social and emotional fulfillment even when all of your friends have paired off. I find one really simple thing is to try to build friendships with their partners as well! For many of the couples I know, I'd now consider them both my friends, and it's not unusual for me to see a movie with a couple I know, or go out to dinner, or sometimes even go on holidays. I do find that touch can be a trickier one to navigate, just because so many touching behaviours are seen as either romantic or sexual. I'm lucky to have one friend who's always up for platonic snuggling while watching movies or whatever (and whose partner is cool with that), and to have a couple of friends with benefits I hook up with occasionally. But the platonic snuggling situation in particular really was a matter of luck, and I'm not sure how I'd approach finding more people who are okay with that sort of thing - maybe others on the forum will have some suggestions? (I'm still pretty new here myself so maybe there are already discussions about this elsewhere that I haven't found yet!)
  10. eatingcroutons

    Religion Thread

    Not really, because different cultures and languages have different semantic boundaries for "blue", and many don't have a word/concept for "blue" at all. Which is what I mean when I say that "blue" is defined entirely in terms of subjective experience. Wavelengths of light exist, but splitting them into arbitrary colour categories is a figment of the human imagination. Research into necessary criteria, sure. But as far as I know we still don't have a handle on sufficient criteria for consciousness. Look at the ways we talk about assessing "consciousness" in artificial intelligence, for example - it's entirely based on whether we interpret an AI's behaviour to be subjectively indistinguishable from a human's, because we have no objective way to define consciousness.
  11. eatingcroutons

    Religion Thread

    My point remains that as "blue" is an defined as a subjective experience, it is meaningless to talk about objective proof of the existence of "blue". Just as it's meaningless to talk about proof of the existence of consciousness.
  12. eatingcroutons


    I think that my attitude to shipping is very much influenced by my attitude to romance in general. I have never had an OTP. I'm most interested in fics where the characters struggle with identity differences and find a way to be together regardless, on their own terms. I absolutely do not subscribe to the idea that any character is meant to be with another character, ever.
  13. eatingcroutons

    What Are You Listening To/Post A Song

    In hindsight, listening to this song when I was in middle school probably had a pretty significant impact on my attitude to life, and relationships, as being whatever you want to make of them:
  14. eatingcroutons

    My aromantic self-discovery--last night!

    Yoooo this is totally where I am right now. Gear-switching between, "It's possible one day I'll meet someone I want to spend my life with," and, "I'm pretty sure I'll never meet someone I want to spend my life with." And while it hasn't taken me quite as long as you to get there, I've definitely been approaching that realisation with a kind of fascinated curiosity. Introspective epiphanies are awesome! And the term "aromantic" has given me a way to describe a life perspective I've apparently been unconsciously subscribing to since I was a teenager. I definitely relate to a lot of what you've described in your post. Anyway, I'm pretty new myself but for what it's worth welcome! I've heard ice-cream is the traditional gift:
  15. eatingcroutons

    Religion Thread

    Well then asking someone to prove that consciousness exists is utter nonsense. It's like asking someone to prove the existence of the colour blue. "Blue" isn't something that physically exists in the natural world, it's just a description we've made up for subjective experiences of physical phenomena. It exists as a concept if we define it to exist as a concept, but that doesn't tell us anything about the actual state of the universe.