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nonmerci

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    Nathalie

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  1. Maybe it would be more satisfying for people if you separated the book in three parts of equal sizes : allo aces, aro aces, and aro allos? I think that the way we experiment aromanticism and/or asexuality vary a lot considering or sexual/romantic orientation, and that it would give a better look to separate things like that. That being said, I really liked the idea, and I will gladly participated when I'll have the time.
  2. Thanks for all your answers, it's very interesting! @running.tally to be honest, I always thought of fluid orientation as an orientation itself. I mean, I don't see fluidity as something very frequent, but maybe I'm wrong? I didn't even know orientation changed for some people before a year or two, so I'm not well placed to talk about it. But anyway, I agree that we shoud not excluded someone because he felt romantic attraction once. I think that's why it is good to think of aromanticism (and asexuality) as a spectrum, so things are not black and white. I gladly say I'm aro even if I'm more grayro if we want to be precised. I don't think we do that to exclude people, just to have a word for what we felt. But maybe I think like that because I don't live in a country based on communities (though we start to be influenced by that model of society...). Yeah, and they also say that "being born LGBT" means that there is a LGBT gene we could identify to prevent people for being LGBT... To that regard, I don't think one answer is better than the other. 😡 Well, my dad was very romantic, so... (to be precised, I won't ay that my parents always showed a lot of love to each other, but they still did from time to time, and my dad kept saying that he had his first girlfriend when he was five; listening to him, you'd think he dated his all town). But at the same time, it may have a role? Though my brother said he were not aro, he never dated and he's 28. I have a firend, she is bi, her brother is gay, and I don't remember if her sister is lesbian or not... So maybe, education could have a link? I don't know. Interesting! I think that's why scientists say about orientation : that it had both enviromental and genetic causes. But I just see that on internet and I'm not an expert at all, so I don't want to say something wrong. I feel exactly like that too! Thanks for all your answer, it was very interesting and made me think.
  3. Hey everyone! Question in the title. Maybe you think it's weird, but I recently read a bisexual who says that people are not born with their sexual orientation (which of course meant "romantic and sexual orientation"), but that they became bi/gay/straight etc. The person says that it's like liing chocolate : we like it because we are born in a society that likes it, but if we were born in a country who doesn't know it, we would think it is as disgusting as insects. Now, I always disagreed with this. I mean, I thought about it, but I saw nothing that would have made me "became" asexual or aromantic, I think I am born this way. (Also, the theory of that person doesn't explain why some people don't like chocolate ^^ ). Now, I don't open this thread to debate on it (though if you want to, we can), but because I feel that bisexual are more likely to think that we are not born with our orientation, that education/society gave it to us. Because it must be logical for them that people should love someone, not a genre, and that society inhibited the love for one genre for most of people. Or something like that. On the other hand, I think that aro are more likely to think that we are born this way, because we have to deal with people who ask us what happened to us to be that way. And that it's important for us to explain that we are traumatized people or whatever. But I can only speak for myself. I could be mistaken. So, what do you think about it? Born aro or not?
  4. nonmerci

    Early signs that you were aro

    It remind me of a scene in Kick-Ass 2 when some girls explain to another girl why they listen to groups like One Direction : I don't remember their words but they were describing attraction. And I was thinking that it made no sense that you don't sweat or whatever just by looking at "hot" guys singing, that they were not literally "hot"... But I suppose they are for a lot of teenagers (and that explain to me why they are so popular, because Justin Bieber is a mystery to me; I listen a bit when I was a teen, I liked it (don't judge me) but I didn't understand all the craziness about him).
  5. nonmerci

    Aromantism and Marriage

    I think it's important to remember that aromanticism is not about something you do, but something you feel (or don't feel). Sometimes I think about wedding, because the dress, the food, the party seem fun. But I'm still aromantic. My cousin and his girlfriend love each others for years, they just had their third child, but they don't want to get married. They're still romantic. So you can want a marriage for different reasons, it doesn't have to be romantic love.
  6. nonmerci

    Got my ring!!

    I knew about ace rings, but I never heard about aro rings before. So, I guess it's a white ring on the middle finger? That's cool.
  7. nonmerci

    Shipping

    Yeah. And the most confusing are people who watch the show only for a ship (well, sometimes I understand because the plot is a mess, but sometimes, the plot is so interesting, and people only talk about their ship and complain if it wasn't there enough).
  8. I relate so much.
  9. nonmerci

    can aromantic people fall in love?

    The difference you make between romantic attraction and romantic love is interesting. I never thought about that. I guess I see romantic attraction as prior to romantic love, and I imagine romantic love to be as romantic attraction, but stronger. Does it mean that you can't feel romantic love if you didn't feel romantic attraction in the first place? For me, this is the definition of demiromanticism : not feeling romantic attraction in the first place, but then falling after having created a link with the person (at least the way I understood the definition, if they are demi here, please be happy to correct me). So, for me, a "100% aromantic" can't fall in love, and that's how I explain aromanticism to people : I say we are people who don't fall in love, and if they ask me I explain romantic attraction. But other arospec people might fall in love. And how say Eklinaar, it doesn't mean we can love in our own way, and that it can't be as strong and valid as romantic love.
  10. nonmerci

    Aro playlist

    In another topic someone poster Never been in love of Will Jay. I don't know if the singer is aro or not, but he explains that in our society, too much people thinks happiness is in loving someone else, while you shoud love yourself. And his song talk about things you can relate as aro, in a happy rythme that will be stuck in your head all day.
  11. nonmerci

    If you could take a pill...

    The only thing that could make me take it is that I want children and that it would make it easier. But even for that, I think I won't. Romance comes with too much problem and drama. Of course, books might exagerate things, but it sounds so stressfull; often the "butterflies in the stomach" sounds like "I want to throw up right now". And then the sweaty palms, the heart who accélérâtes… Seriously, everything people say to talk about romantic attraction sounds like a disease. No, thanks. And for sex, it don't sounds like an interesting thing for me, and I'm fine like that, so I don't think I would change it.
  12. 1. I think it's important, not only for the split attraction, but because it could help a lot of couple : to remind people that love and sex are not correlated. When I see TV shows with plot like "he didn't want to have sexe last night, maybe he doesn't love me anymore", I think it would be cool if people that you can have love without sex, just like you can have sex without love. Plus, maybe, knowing that love and sex can be separated would help people to stop demonizing sex without love. 2. I don't really care about it myself, but as it must be very important to some people, why not? 3. Well, I don't go in those places, and if I don't go is because I don't care talking about my asexuality, so I suppose it kinda prove what these spaces are for? Plus, I don't really like how asexual spaces always want to include aromanticism as if all aromantics were asexual; or then the two orientations should have the same attention, and not "a space for asexuals, and let's create a topic for the aromantic guys" (on the French version, there is a topic named "aromantic topic" who turned into "explaining aromanticism and answering questions like "I don't understand how it is possible to not feel romantic attraction", as if it was not as easy that imagining that people can not feel sexual attraction…). Plus for what I saw, AVEN is a lot about talking about romantic relationship and the fact that they don't need sex to be happy, so I doubt an aro allo would feel at ease there. 4. Though I know LGBT+ people, I don't go in LGBT+ spaces, so I don't know; but I read some things from them that makes me think that they are just like anybody else : some are understanding and welcoming, some others don't.
  13. nonmerci

    Writing Thread

    @nightmarechaser that wwaswell-written! And sad I write novels, mostly fantasy. And also a bit of songs (though I only write the lyrics and never bothered to do the music, so I guess it's most poetry than songs lol). I write mostly on a computer, though I can use paper when I am in "planification phase". I Don't know if I'll share my writting here because I write in French and translation took time, but if one day I have the time I'll try to post some of my prose (poetry is too complicated for translation).
  14. When Iwant to explain something I often used analogy. Like saying "in fact everybody is bi, and if you think you are straight, is because you deny it, or because you find the one who will change that and make you realize you were bi from the start and that straight people Don't exist". Maybe she will understand how stupid or rude it sounds.
  15. nonmerci

    How being aro influence art?

    Reading all your answers was interesting. Same for me. It always surprised me to see all those songs about love : I feel like 75% of songs talk about that. Maybe the Reason why I got into musicals in the first place is because it offers me more variety. It fits my experience. You can't tell that I'm aro by reading me, but I realized that a lot of my romantic relationship doesn't end well or are dysfunctional or not reciprocated, and that I value other types of love like friendship or family (I focus a lot about family). Like, once I build an entire prophecy about my hero finding a former love, and a love triangle, which ends up with my hero realizing that the prophecy wasn't talking about his ex but about his family. I don't know if it is because I'm aro or just to go against the main Stream, but I never present love as the ultimate thing ever, even when it works. It makes sense. When I wrote aro characters, they usually don't care a lot about their aspect of their personnality, they are ok with it. I suppose that an aro person who had a lot of problems because of that would more write characters who have to deal with negationism, people who wants to ship them no matter what. I feel you. I hate, when two characters become a couple, how they can't stop cuddling and looking at each other all the time. Usualy, my characters become a couple at the very end, so I can stay with an ambiguous relationship that I affectionate more. It reminds me when I learned I was aroace and that I began to put aro and/or ace characters everywhere . And it's ture that it easier for me to write an aro character that romantic Relationship sometimes. I mean, I have romance in my stories, but when I have to describe attraction I feel so alienated : before I knew I was aro, I was wondering why I was writting that because nobody is attrected like that to a person they don't know, except that in fact they really do. And sometimes I have to remember that my characters are not aro and that attraction is a part of their life. Writting aro characters is easier.
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