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nonmerci

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    Nathalie

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  1. Hi! I was wondering if anybody here add a wikipedia account or know how to modify a page? I just noticed that the page about LGBT symbols don't talk about aromanticism. They present the flags of the different communities, and other symbols. This is true for the English page and the French page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_symbols#Subculture_flags https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symboles_LGBT Now, I don't know LGBT community enough to know if the lists here are supposed to be exhaustive, or if it misses other identities (I think polyamory too, I don't know for other). But as they present the flag of asexuality, it sounds like they don't make the difference between the two. Personnaly I felt erased when I saw it. Do you have thoughts about it?
  2. I think you can try if you really want too, but with fixing clear limit with your friend, and explaining you are aro (make sûre that she gets it, because she doesn't seem to understand it for what you say). But if you do it, you should for good reasons. If it is because she's interested in you and you don't want to broke her heart, or because you are scared to mise your friendship, I don't think it will work : if she doesn't get aromanticism she will expect you to reciprocate, not only to behave romantically; and then if will be painful for both of you. Same if you are not comfortable with romantic coded activities. In other words, you can test this kind of relationship, but you have to know why you do it, and what you are read to do or not. The important is that you don't force yourself in anything you wouldn't do.
  3. Nice thread! Phrases like "Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world", or whatever you want instead of "beautiful". I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but everytime I hear it sounds like you need it to be happy. The whole concept of "the one" too. Because if you say you are aro, people will just assume that this special person will come and change your identity. Even if it does, you can still be in the grey are of the spectrum. Plus it doesn't invalidate how you felt at the moment. Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?
  4. I like Cristal Gris solution. I'm not out to my father because I know he wouldn't understand. But I don't think it would change my relationship with him if I do : he would just think it's a phase, that I'll change my mind... in a more agressive way than how my mother did but because he is like that with things he doesn't get. He is the type of person who think people can't be happy if they has not what he want to have. But after that it would say that it would say the same between us, just that je would not put the same words on it. And remember : you can't be wrong for coming out, only your parents can be wrong in their reaction
  5. I just posted that I thought Will from Stranger Things was aro in a YouTube comment, and an idiot responded it doesn't exist. I am angry right now.
  6. I make more than one choice : purely platonic friendship, something else (familial relationship), and little interaction (because though I enjoy people company, I also enjoy loneliness).
  7. I have the same question, because I consider aromantic as a romantic orientation, so I don't know what to say. I want to say no because I dis agree that I have no romantic orientation (I understand that as "thinking that romantic orientation is not relevant for me"). But at the same time if here it means "being on the aromantic spectrum", my response will be mistaken as "I am alloromantic" and I don't want that either. What should I do?
  8. Queerplatonic and platonic are close words, and to be honestly I'm not sure if I really get the difference or not (except that queerplatonic is use for QPR, and that people don't want it to be associated to friendship). Then there is the fact that squishes seems to be linked to QPR sometimes. I just would like a word to feel my experience. Plus I won't use it outside the aro community I think, if I ever do it out loud, so with people who use that concept. I don't think we have words like aro and asexual because of the norm, but because it can describe our experiences. Of course if everybody were aro and ace we won't use it, but I think that if we live in a word 50% aro/ace and 50% allo, and being one of the other is completely seen as normal, we would still use these words. I like to have a word to express how I feel, that's it. I don't know, but that doesn't mean they don't feel this attraction. Just like a allo is still allo even if he don't date. I personnaly like describe things in terms of attraction, it is more useful than doing it in term of behavior, though I get that everybody don't feel this way. Maybe talking about queerplatonicnormativity is too much (and too long to wrote lol), but yeah, something like that. One of the first thing you saw everytime you go on a page about aromanticism is something along the line "don't worry, we can have QPR's". I remember that it kinda calm me at first, and I ended up thinking about a QPR the way I think before about romantic couple. The way I see it, QPR is using the same was as romantic love by asexuals, as a way to justify their humanity. Same for squishes. Now I'm not saying we should not talk about QPR and squishes, because some people want one and a lot of aros seem to feel it. But having a term to describe those who haven't would be useful I think. Vocabulaire help people to conceptualize, and as you said the first thing we see (and the first thing people search) is a definition. So if we had a word that we can use and put on the AUREA for instance, and else where, to explain better that not all aros want QPR, I xan't see how it would be negative? Anyway as you said this thread was not originally about words, so I'm not in the subject any more.
  9. I'm really confused right now. I thought aplatonic was about queerplatonic attraction, but apparantly I was wrong and erasing people? But I don't get what platonic attraction is exactly. I mean, I guess I sometimes feel it as I initiate some friendships with people, but it didn't sound like an attraction, more a desire (though it was directed to someone so I guess it was an attraction anyway?), and not often. And now, can we name the lack of queerplatonic attraction? Aqueeplatonic is ugly and with some problems from what I heard. Asquishy? Nonsquishy? My, I am confused.
  10. I won't say it was a mistake. Even if you don't identify as asexual any more, your original post talked about something other aro could sympathize with : being aro, not allosexual, but still liking sex. It was true that we don't talk about it a lot. I hope you'll feel better with this new identity. I can feel you : though I am asexual, I don't consider it as an "identity" for me because I don't think it is very relevant for me.
  11. I said I suspected, because I never see a therapist (not enough money, plus in France we are late for these questions).
  12. I love to be aro represeted as a valid identity, not something to fixed or linked to a disease, to a mental condition, to a trauma, or whatever. Even if a character could have a disease etc, make it clear that aromanticism is not linked to it. I don't have a specific wish for sexuality or gender, though I think it will be cool if the aro is not ace too, because people still think it is the same thing.
  13. Autism is not a disability, is another way of react (any therapist would tell you that). Just like gifted people (is it the word in English for people with a High I.Q?), it is a different way of thinking. I never see an autistic people wanting to be "cured", in particular autistic people with a normal or High I.Q. Being different doesn't mean being inferior. He just showed fact. You are the one not acceptons contradiction. By denying the fact, you are just dogmatic.
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