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nonmerci

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About nonmerci

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    Nathalie

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  1. I never wondered it before knowing about aromanticism. However, I do admit that I was once confused about the "I want to always being with my romantic Partner" thing. When I was in high school, I said that I would hate marrying someone who works at the same place as I do, because I would be tired, and my friends look at me as if I was an alien and told me that when you love someone, you want to be with him/her every minute. I also never understand why, in the movies, when the hero/heroine has to chose because a love interest and someone else, he/she always choses the love interest, no matter who is the other person (a best friend, a brother, a parent). Worst, most of the time the other person is ok with, even ecourages it! I Don't have a precise movie in mind, but I'm sure I've already seen a plot where the hero had to chose between saving his dad or his lover, the dad was like "it's ok son, I understand, go and save her, she is yur future". So even if I never really wonder about that before I knew, I guess I had thoughts sometimes about how weird it is that romance is above any other relationships. I even started a book where the hero and a girl are very closed but not in love because I wanted to say that other bounds are important and strong too (and now I realized I wrote a QPR without knowing what it is).
  2. nonmerci

    Aromantic Character Headcanons

    So true. This is basically how it always goes for me : "I like their friendship, let's see some videos about them" *go to youtube* A few minutes later : "Ok, internet turned them into a couple... again".
  3. nonmerci

    Aromantic Character Headcanons

    What about Merlin (from the show Merlin)? Some girls showed interest in him from time to time, but I don't remember him showing romantic feelings (or maybe I just don't remember because it is a long time since I watch the show (note to myself, rewatch it)). I know a lot of people ship him with Morgana or Arthur, but shippers have to ship right? The writters said that Merlin will never be involved in a romance, and indeed he never did. So he could be somewhere in aro spectrum?
  4. nonmerci

    Aromantic seems like an odd name for us

    Reminds me the day I used that argument against someone who was waying that we were closing to doors to young people by saying aromanticism is valid label for them, and that by identifying as aro these poor young souls will prevent themselves to date and repress their feelings… I answered that it was like saying that a teen is not valid to identify as straight because it will prevent its bisexuality to developp, but of course the person respond it was not the same thing as not falling in love at all... Amatonormativy, here it is. Now, I think that there is nothing wrong to identidy as aro even when we are young (well, not to young, if you are 6 it's a bit early ). Because if you realize you are not aro in the end, you still have the possibility to change. It doesn't change the fact that aro felt right for you in the end. Of course, people could not take it seriously, and certainly they will tel you that annoying "I told you so", but who cares? You are labelling for you, not for others. You know what is right for you or not. Plus, if we are scared to identify as aro because we are too young, when does it stop? 18 years-old? 20? 30? It is all about what you feel right now, not about what you may feel or not feel in the future.
  5. nonmerci

    Giving yourself up for romance

    People are so confusing... I don't get it. I get it when it co mes to some default you have (like someone who makes annoying noises (seriously if I was my mother I would divorce just for the peace of my ears 😀)). But when it comes to give up what you love to do... Why should you sacrifice your passion for one person? People think it's cute and romantic but I think the partner is just selfish and think he/she should be the center of his/her lover's universe...
  6. I haven't read it before so thanks! I like this article, it is good that psychologists don't think that asexuality or aromanticism is something that needs to be fixed.
  7. nonmerci

    Early signs that you were aro

    I relate so much to this too. I never get it. Why a romantic relationship would be the only way to be happy? If you don't like your job, I get that a romantic relationship would be more satisfying, but there must be people who love their job somewhere and think it is important for them...
  8. nonmerci

    Does aromanticism affect appearance?

    Thanks for all your replies! It's interesting to read different point of views.
  9. nonmerci

    questions about Aroflux

    It makes me think of lithromantic (or something like that, when your romantic attraction stops when reciprocated). Maybe this catharsis when you tell someone? Something that I notice is that I felt romantic attraction twice. First time for no reason. Second because the guy was talking in a romantic way, but it stoppedas soon as he finished talking. So yeah, I think that flux can change because of external factors. But that's just my thoughts, I'm not aroflux, just grey I think.
  10. nonmerci

    Am I aro and demisexual?

    I think that's possible, though it always hard to say what feel another person. Any way I tend to think that just the fact that you wonder makes things probable (as people say, you know it when you feel it, so if you don't know, there is a high probability that you don't feel romantic attraction). Demisexuality is define by the fact you can feel sexual attraction only after creating à bond with a person. So if your sexual attraction is always secondaire, you might be demi, or at least somewhere in the ace spectrum. Hope it helped !
  11. nonmerci

    How do i know if i'm aro?

    Hey! For what you say, you seem pretty sûre that you were not romantically attracted. But it's never an rsay answer to give. When I saw the definition of asexuality for the first time, it was clear to me that I was, it hits me as something obvious. But aromanticism was more complicated. I saw guy in a romantic way not because I was attracted but because society told me, and it was confusing. Then there's the fact that a lot of things that are associated to romance works with platonic feeling too : the desire to know the person, the feeling that you understand her... I think some people describe their QPR as their soulmate. So it's very difficult to differentiate platonic and romantic feelings. Any way welcome to arocalypse! Hop you'll find the answer.
  12. Weird question, I know. I was never really interested in my looks. I don't make up, I don't care wearing clothes that makes me look pretty... And I think that being aro (and ace) affects that. Why would I bother to look sexy if I don't want people to think I'm attractive? What about you? Do you wear (or don't wear) some kind of clothes because of your orientation? And what about aro who are not ace? Does it change things?
  13. nonmerci

    Allo-aros in fiction

    What about Gipsy (Cisco's girlfriend) from the Flash?
  14. nonmerci

    Aromantics in media

    I remember in BBT, Penny asks to who Sheldon is attracted, and his friends say to no one. Of course for them it was a joke, and then they ruined everything with Amy (I'm not saying that Sheldon should not have date Amy, but it would have been better if they treated it as demiromanticism instead of saying that Amy "cured" him…). But treated without judgment, this kind of dialogue can work.
  15. nonmerci

    Aromantics in media

    Yes if you are aro you will see yourself in them, but if you don't know you are aro it won't help realize that you are. And it won't help explaining to people that aromanticism is a thing. People will keep expecting the character to falloir in love in the future. So of course I will be happy to see such characters, but I won't call it representation. No need to say the word aromantic, but just make it clear that the character doesn't feel romantic attraction or doesn't fit the amatonormativity. And dois that, make sûre that it doesn't look like a phase.
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