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nonmerci

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About nonmerci

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    Nathalie
  1. Astrology: Venus in Retrograde?

    I had difficulty to understand that chart, but from another website I find that Venus wasn't in retrograde.
  2. Yeah, I know? That's why I'm so mad at Big Bang Theory and Riverdale. BBT because though I think Sheldon's demi side is credible, the show sounds like he became "normal" when he felt in love with Amy. And Riverdale because they turned Jughead into a hetero. I know that a lot of things change between the comic and the show, in particular with Jughead character; but I know that if it had been another romantic/sexual minority, they wouldn't have changed it just because they thought he and Betty would make a great couple (and I'm still wondering how this idea came to their mind; when Jug kissed Betty for the first time, it was one of the rare times, if not the only one, when I thought "what the fuck is going on?" in front of a kiss). The worst was that the actor who plays Jug asked them to keep is aroaceness, and when Jug started to date, he asked them to at least keep his asexuality. Failed. Riverdale is a good show, but I'm so mad at them for that. After discovering what asexuality was and be sure that I was, I never went back on AVEN. I understand that allo aces need to talk about they are not attracted sexually. But personally, I consider being not romantically attracted is a better part of my identity, and that I happen to not be sexually actracted as well is accessory. I don't feel like I need to talk about it. I think it would be different if I was alloromantic, but I'm aro, so... In fact I think it's more difficult to be aro allo, because you have to deal with so much judgments : when you have sex without love, you are seen as a bitch or an asshole (why, I don't understand). That's must been horrible.
  3. Early signs that you were aro

    I feel you. During three years, there was this guy who followed me in high school, he even changed his way home to bring me home after school (the fact that I never waited for him didn't stopped him). I tried to tell him that I don't even like him as a friend, I tried to be cold, to not answer him... but he kept going. After high school, he sent me mails. And when he told me he loved me and I rejected him, he told me that he was going to commit suicide if I didn't date him. I think it would have been easier if I knew I was aro at this time. I was lucky, my friends didn't speak about love relationships a lot. But one day, I said that I would hate to marry someone who works at the same place as me, because I would be tired to see him. They looked at me as if I was an alien and says that when you love someone you want to be with him/her all the time. Also, I'm not sure i this is an aro or an ace thing. But when I was twelve, it was the first time I saw on television girls fantasizing with the picture of a guy. I was used to see boys fantasizing on women bodys, but not the contrary. So I thought : "Men are exciting about the chest, but us women, what are we supposed to look out?" If I have been straight, I had known I suppose; but I needed to be taught what is attractive.
  4. Though I wrote more than once "I've never been in a relationship" in Google or "I like to be single" or things like that, the term never showed up. It's only when I looked for what asexuality was that I discover aromanticism. I had seen the term used before, but it was about Light in Death Note, so I thought it meant "psychopath" (and the way it was used didn't help).
  5. I'm ace but I relate to this a lot so I wanted to answer, maybe it could help. I had a similar experience, except that I discover my asexuality before my aromanticism. My asexuality was evident for me, but not my aromanticism. For a while I still thought I was heteroromantic, just because I never considered it could otherwise (the fact that I'm greyro didn't help). But then, I looked back at my eventual "crushes", and realized that I wasn't attracted to those guys, I just liked the idea of being attracted to them, the idea of being in a relationship. Because romantic attraction is about desire romantically someone, not desire a romantic relationship. Same with sexual attraction. Once I talked about it with a heterosexual about those things. He was telling me that for him, pansexuality was the most logical orientation because we should be attracted to people no matter their sexes. Though he isn't against the idea of having sex with a boy someday, he's still define himself a heterosexual because he felt aroung girls differently than around boys. Because you're attracted to someone, not to an idea. So, I think that the only question you should ask yourself is : when you want to have sex with someone, is it because you want this person in particular, or is it because you want sex? (by the way, I'm not sure that sexual attraction is necessarily about finding someone "good looking". There was a guy in a show I watched on youtube; in the comments all the girls was saying 'this guy is so sexy, he's so beautiful". But the truth is, he wasn't that good looking at all. But there was something in him that just makes you want to listen to him, somthing that treally attracts you; personnaly I called that "charisma", but that's not exactly that. On the other hand, there was another guy in the same show who were cuter, but nobody cared because he didn't have that spepcial thing) (I'm not sure that I'm clear, but it's so difficult to express those things)
  6. -I'm greyromantic so I'm not 100% aro, and explaining the concept too people is too difficult -I'm not romance repulsed and when I was a child, I said "Love is beautiful" everytime I saw a kiss in a movie -I never have trouble to understand love, that just something I don't feel -I ship sometimes, thought I do it diffently than other people
  7. Aro/Queer Family Members?

    I asked my brother if he were aro. He told me he wasn't, but he's 27, never been in a relationship and don't want to be in one. Maybe that's just because he doesn't believe in love, but still; I'm wondering if he answered "no" just because he was discovering the concept (first time I heard about it I was in denial as well). On the other hand, my father is the most alloromantic person I've ever met. I don't even tell him I'm aro because I know he won't understand.
  8. New aro here

    It must have been difficult. What scares me is more how other people's opinions will affect my future child if I have one. I don't know if I'll find a father or if I'll be alone. If I'm alone, I suppose that he'll hear things and he'll have questions, and that I'll have to "justify" myself. But anyway, I'm not here yet.
  9. New aro here

    Thanks you all! Yeah, all this amatonormativity in fiction makes thing so confusing. In the end I was like : "This guy is cute. Let's have a crush on him". But it doesn't work like that .
  10. New aro here

    Thanks! AVEN has a French version, that's how I heard about aromanticism. Yeah, that's confusing sometimes. And as every movie is dealing with romance, I just thought it was something I had to want. I still want kids. I always wanted them. I like the idea that someone who has a bit of me will live after me. I'm a bit scared about what people will say and how I will manage to have one, but I don't think about it right now. I don't consider having a child before a few years, I'm not ready at all. I suppose that the most difficult for an aro parent is to explain things to his child. I have a cousin who were confused because his parents weren't married; I wonder what he'd say if they weren't in love. Thanks! You didn't hear me speak it. I read English, I write English, but for some reason I'm unable to speak it
  11. Aromantic Moments

    A few months ago, in class, the teacher was doing statistics and told us that 86% of students at the end of high school fell in love at least once. My friend said : "It means 14% never fell in love? That's too sad". And in my head, I was screaming : "14%? I KNEW THEY WERE MORE OF US!".
  12. New aro here

    Hi everyone! My name is Nathalie and I'm French. I apologize if my English is not perfect. I'm 23, and (hopefully) a future teacher. I identify as greyro and ace. I consider myself greyaro because : 1. I had only one real crush I think, and even this one didn't seem as intense as it is for other people, and didn't last long. 2. The few other crushes that I had were not intense at all; most of the time it didn't last more than a few seconds. I might have some crushes at university, but it was before being aware that aromanticism exists. So I don't know if they were crushes (but I doubt they were), or if I just pretend they were : romance just seems something that I had to look for, so I must have pretended to have crushes because I wanted a boyfriend . Or, exactly, I wanted a fther for my children : I realized that I never looked at boys as potential boyfriends but as potential fathers. I'm not romance repulsed, I have no problem to watch it on TV. I just don't like it on me. It' nice to know that aromanticism exists. Now I know what to respond when people are surprised because I never dated anyone. And it's nice to meet other aros too!
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