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  1. 19 points
    Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.
  2. 14 points
    You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.
  3. 12 points
    i had a psychiatric assessment yesterday (recently had a bit of a mental health crisis, not important), so there was a social worker who did most of the talking, a psychiatrist whose purpose was supposedly just to prescribe me an appropriate medication, and a recent grad who was just observing. anyway, at one point they asked my sexual orientation and whether i was in a relationship, so i told them, and they had a lot of questions and comments. i had to explain aromanticism and how it's different from asexuality. they asked whether i'd ever been in a relationship so i tried to sum up in a minute what a bad experience it was (just because i'm aro; he was great) and added that "i haven't been in a sexual relationship because then it would have to be sexual and romantic and i...can't do that. but i also don't want to just like...ugh, it's complicated." at this point the psychiatrist interjected by saying that a sexual and romantic relationship is an important part of life and basically implied that it would lessen my depression, when i'd just explained how the opposite was true. i said "i would have to disagree. i'm quite happy with my life the way it is." he said "ok" but was clearly not satisfied. i also found it interesting that despite my having expressed a mild interest in making more friends (but i couldn't be bothered), they did not agree that that would improve my life. i wonder whether they would have made such a big deal about me being single if i weren't aro, like if i just didn't happen to be dating at the moment. i told my dad afterwards and he was surprised and disappointed that they reacted like that; i was disappointed but not surprised. i told him "everyone says that. i'm used to it." (most of the mental health professionals i've seen, i mean, but obviously people in general too.) he said "that's like telling an asexual: 'go have some sex.'" i informed him that people do suggest that, and reflected that "if i'd been asexual, he (the psychiatrist) would have had a wig-out." i added that my aromanticism is "always my least favourite thing to bring up (to health care professionals). they're like, 'so, are you in a relationship?' and i'm like, 'oh, here we go.'" so yeah. i'll be doing a few therapy sessions with the social worker; i hope she'll let me talk about my depression instead of my aromanticism. 🙃
  4. 12 points
    YMBAI you are on this website and reading all (or some) of these things and nodding your head or smiling because you relate.
  5. 11 points
    Something I've noticed about people in romantic relationships, is that the concept of compromise in a relationship can lead to people compromising a piece of themselves. For example, I was once rocking a pair of five inch heels, and my friend loved them. She really wanted a pair of shoes like them, but her boyfriend doesn't like when she's taller than him, so she doesn't wear heels anymore. Or in a more extreme example, my mom has a friend who had a phd in rocket science and worked at nasa. When he married his wife, she didn't like how much time he devoted to work, so he gave all of that up to be a high school teacher. This idea of giving up a piece of yourself so that someone else will love/continue loving you is so alien. I always thought that if anyone was going to love me, they would have to love all of me, heels, career and all. And now, knowing that I'm aromantic, well, I'm not sure how those things play into my life. Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts and see if anyone else had similar feelings.
  6. 11 points
    You might be aro if you don't understand how most people seem to have crushes all the time... Or if you thought you were just picky when it came to crushes..
  7. 11 points
    Assumed you were straight, and then realized you felt nothing towards any gender.
  8. 11 points
    Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.
  9. 10 points
    That's something the aro community, and especially us allo aros, have been fighting against for a long time. I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way.
  10. 10 points
    From this "self help" book I'm reading. I thought other aro's might enjoy it.
  11. 10 points
    Don't forget that this could happen to allo too. Or for instance a straight person having a crush on a gay person, and vice versa. And you are not responsible for how you feel. There is something wrong with no one, and certainly not with you. People should understand that losing a friend is important too, and that you could feel hurt or depressed for that too. People value so much romantic relationship that they forget that there are other things in the world they can value. Am I the only one who never get the "we can't date so don't be friends?". I mean, ok you didn't want to date, but it don't invalidate that fact that you get along and have things in common. So why reject the friedship just because you can't have the romantic love?
  12. 10 points
    I can help with that. Actually, just a couple hours ago in my public speaking class I made a persuasive speech about why amatonormativity as a claim about how everyone should live is invalid. My teacher and multiple classmates told me I did really well so I think I'm going to try to start making more speeches about that in more public settings.
  13. 10 points
    YMBAI when somebody tries to explain the concept of "friendzone" to you, and you just don't understand what is their problem with that. It sounds amazing. It sounds idyllic, like something you always genuinely wanted. YMBAI romantic relationships seem like a temporary thing, and you don't get it how grown adults believe that they gonna last ⁓forever⁓.
  14. 10 points
    If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.
  15. 9 points
    (Inspired by this tumblr thread) We tend to focus a lot on spreading awareness and community building, which are important, but it's also useful to consider other aspects of aro activism, including more political issues. Here are some issues which occurred to me: 1. Marriage: The legal benefits of marriage and lack of alternate options….having some way to declare someone as “family” for purposes of medical leave and such without requiring marriage/romance. Also, partnering with the polyamory community on this because they also face issues with the current system of marriage. 2. Adoption: the adoption system has lots of issues in general with what sort of parents they consider “capable” and how that can be an issue against queer people in general, but more specifically, so single aro people can better adopt children if they wish. 3. Workplace Protections: the queer community in general still needs protections against discrimination, but it does affect us too, and it would be important to include not only that they can’t discriminate against people for their sexual orientation, but also their romantic orientation. (This is the issue I personally would be most concerned about tbh) 4. Education: along with wanting schools to teach about queer identities in general, making sure Aromantic is included. 5. Healthcare: this has some overlap with my first point about “spousal” benefits, but generally making sure aro people aren’t discriminated against in healthcare. This includes mental health, and making sure we could seek therapy without having to educate them about our identities or have our identity medicalized. Additionally, I believe there is something about single people receiving less aggressive treatment options and therefore having worse outcomes, so preventing that kinda thing too. 6. Support Networks: most adults seem to get their social needs met via their romantic partnerships, or find community via religious groups. There’s generally a need for non-denominational groups to provide support and community, because people generally need that sort of thing, and feeling isolated can be detrimental to people’s health. One form of this might be lgbtqa+ community centers in general, ones that are alcohol-free community resource centers (which other parts of the queer community want too). So, what are some other aro-related political issues you can think of? Or, elaborate on any of the aforementioned issues and which things might be more feasible to work on, etc.
  16. 9 points
    I... You do understand what the purpose of politics is, yes..? Politics decide the policies and systems that structure our lives. Everything that has to do with the way we live within our society is a political issue. I can understand being tired of "republicans vs. democrats" or "Brexit vs. EU" type politics, but politics also includes things like "How much of our taxes should go towards education?" or "Should our town sell the town green to real estate developers?" Everything is politicized because when our lives are inherently built within a net of laws and policies and decisions, changes to those things don't just magically spring up overnight via wishful thinking. Everything is a political issue. If we want rights for ourselves, that's a political issue.
  17. 9 points
    I'm posting this information on Tumblr too as a follow up to this poll, but I think a lot of the more active aro community members are on this forum and not all of y'all use Tumblr (and as formats for keeping track of information goes Tumblr is actually kind of terrible) so I wanted to post this here as well. If you have other advice for aros trying to start in-person communities, please add on! This is by no means the end all and be all of community building, it's just meant to create a starting point for people who need one. In-person groups are something that every community needs before it can do more on the ground activism, and creating in-person spaces is something I actually have some experience with so that’s where I’d like to start. This information is intended to be general, so you can apply it to creating a larger communal aro space, or to creating a smaller space for an aro subcommunity. Please also note that this is certainly not the *only* way to create an in-person space, every organization does things differently. This is just supposed to give basic and overarching information about how an in-person group can be run, using the knowledge I’ve gained from working with several long-lasting LGBTQIA+ and religious groups. Creating in-person community doesn’t have to take a lot of resources, but it can be hard to maintain. With this in mind, I would like to split this post into 4 parts: Creating a community, maintaining community, general advice, and the benefits of putting in the work. Let’s get started! Creating a community: In order to create in-person community you need five things: 1. Space - You will always need a place to meet but take a deep breath, this isn’t the challenge you think it is. Many people get stuck on this, thinking that they’ll need to spend a lot of money to rent a space, but public parks, coffee shops, and free library meeting rooms (which, just fyi usually need to be reserved ahead of time) are all perfectly fine places to start a group. 2. Leadership- If you start a new group then you and anyone else you may have started it with, will probably become that groups leadership by default. If you’re the one setting up all the meetings then that makes you the person in charge whether you like it or not and this steers a lot of people away from starting new organizations. And I get that, most of us grow up with very intimidating ideas of what a ‘leader’ looks like and as a result, feel that’s leadership is too much responsibility to take on. But if we want in-person aro groups someones gotta do it, so as someone who has been running my church youth group for 3 years now, I’m here to tell you that my job is 90% herding cats and 10% arts and crafts. That’s it. As long as you know how to make lists, use craft scissors, and keep a schedule you’re perfectly qualified to be the person in charge, don’t let the idea of leadership intimidate you out of trying to start an in-person aro group. 3. Time - Especially when you’re first starting out creating a new group can take a lot of time and energy. So make a schedule, take as long as you need to, and if possible, split the work with other people. Putting everything together as quickly and with as little effort as possible is not the way to build an effective community, so go slow if need be, there’s no shame in that. 4. An online presence - Every modern organization needs an online presence. This can mean anything from making a Facebook group to creating a whole new website, but whatever you do, you will need a centralized online space where people can consistently find information about your events. If you’re not someone with a lot of web design skills then I recommend using Facebook, or, if you have the money for it, Meetup (Note: Meetup does tend to bring more people to an event than Facebook does, but I know many people have tight budgets, so like don’t worry too much if you can’t afford it. I know a lot of groups that do all their event organizing on Facebook and still have great attendance). 5. An Activity- Especially when a community is new, activities are often needed to get people talking to each other. Facilitated group discussions are, IMO, the easiest way to do this, but anything that gets people to talk with each other can work. Once you have all this the final step is to promote your group. And I mean actually promote it, don’t just make one post about it on your favorite social media site. Leave flyers in coffee shops, post about it on relevant Facebook groups, contact local queer groups and see if they’ll promote it, post about it on neighborhood blogs and bulletin boards. Don’t half-ass this part, aro’s are few and far between and you will need to be loud about your group's existence if you want people to find you. Maintaining Community: Creating a community is one thing, but maintaining it is another and this is, arguably, the more challenging part of the process. Lots of new organizations never make it past their first few months of existence, but that’s not what we want for the aro community. So here’s are the things that, in my opinion, are most necessary to keep a group going. 1. Persistence - There is a very good chance that the first few meet up’s you arrange will have low or no attendance. New groups are like that, and I know it’s discouraging, but don’t give up. Keep promoting and keep showing up, and then be prepared for no one else to be there. This may sound like an exercise in futility, but I promise it’s not. This summer my church youth group tried to set up a program for teen and young adult Pagans. It took four months for anyone outside of our youth groups to actually show up, but we kept meeting despite that, and now, eight months in, we have relatively high attendance. So bring a book, bring some other work that needs to get done, and if no one shows up do that instead. If you’re doing a good job of promoting your events someone will show up eventually. 2. Have Help- Burn out is real, and trying to run everything yourself is the fastest way to fail, so figure out who can help you run things. Ideally, of course, the people helping you will be other aro’s, but many of us don’t have any irl aro friends so figure out your other options. You’re out to your sister and she’s really good at social media promotion? See if she'll help you get the word out about events. Your friend just really fricking loves graphic design? See if they’ll help you with posters, web design, informational pages, or other similar design needs. As your community grows other aros may be able to take over these tasks, but you will need help from the getgo, so make sure you have at least one or two people to share the work with. 3. Have Community Guidelines- Humans! Are! Messy! And everyone has different ideas about what behaviors are and aren’t acceptable. A good way to prevent these differences from creating issues is to have a set of community guidelines. Put them up on your facebook/website/other social media so people can see them, or better yet, go over them at the beginning of each meeting, this will make sure that everyone knows your group's code of conduct. I suggest involving other community members in the creation of these guidelines so that everyone is happy with them. 4. Consistency- This isn’t necessary, but it is helpful. If you can make sure your group meets at the same time or in the same place every meeting it can help people fit your group into their schedule. That said, this isn’t always something that can be managed, so don’t be hard on yourself if it isn't possible. Consistency is an ideal, not a requirement. 5. Stay out of Drama- Drama can break up even the most stable communities, so while it’s sometimes unavoidable you should try to stay away from it (especially if you’re leadership). Play well with other queer organizations, and if possible, try to have community members that can act as mediators within the group. I’ve seen more communities then I can count break up because a few people couldn’t get along, don’t let the same thing happen to yours. General Advice: Make something you would want to go to When first starting a group, make it something that you would be excited to participate in. What you want is likely to be what others want too, and if you’re doing something that you already love it will be a lot more bearable if other people don’t show up the first few times. Look at other groups If you’re still anxious about starting a group, take some time and go to some other small meet up groups first. See what they do, and if you’re comfortable, talk to the organizers about how they run things. It’s easier to get started when you can see that other people have done the same thing. Money, money, money Use free spaces, websites, and other materials as much as possible. Once an organization starts needing money just to exist funding will become the top priority no matter what other issues are going on. If you just love finances maybe this will work for you, but I think most of us get stressed out when money becomes an issue. Sometimes these things are unavoidable, but if you can organize your community without spending too much it will let you focus on other things. The Benefits of Putting in the Work: Running an organization, especially as a volunteer, can often feel like a thankless job, but try and remember how much good it does. Community building can help you understand others better, it allows people to create necessary social networks, and most importantly, people with in-person communities can organize larger political action. Not everyone has the time or energy to start an aromatic group in their area, and that’s perfectly understandable, as we’ve seen it can be a lot of work. But if you can start a group, and you want to start a group, then your organization can do a lot of good Here are some more resources on organizing communities, clubs, and meetups, that, while not aro specific, might still give you some ideas. Hopefully, some of them will be helpful for y’all! (x) (x) (x)
  18. 9 points
    Nice to see some allos are catching on.
  19. 9 points
    Somewhat of a sad rant coming up. Trigger warning for some self-deprecating language as a result of other people reacting to me being aro. Foreword, I love being aro, and I'm happy to finally know what I am. But dealing with people's reaction to it is still a struggle. (First post here, please let me know if venting posts like this need to go elsewhere or should be taken down!) What being aro feels like for me right now: Forever friend zoning people and having that feeling that all the things they've done for you up til that point that you thought was done willingly actually came at a price you didn't know you had to pay. And then once they reach a breaking point because you haven't returned the same amount of gesture, even if you've been vulnerable and supportive and is otherwise a good friend, suddenly all the things they do for you is revoked even though you were under the impression that you were reciprocating via friendship. Suddenly you're Insensitive. Even though all the criteria has been the same from your end, and you thought the friendship was mutual. And then losing a friend even though you were just.... Making a friend. And that creeping thought that they only did those things because they were romantically interested, which in my head has zero value, which makes me feel like I'm not worth being nice to unless I am being romanced, which I don't place any value in. And when I complain about getting too much romantic attention I get told I'm not appreciating people liking me. Even though people liking me has always only ended up with me hurt and losing a friend. Even though people liking me romantically has always only meant that my existence alone caused people pain. And then no one understands why you're going through just as much pain as they are. Because their heartbreak is romantic and therefore will always, ALWAYS, be prioritized over any other heartache. Even the allies instinctively do not question that of course the alloromantic is suffering more. Further confirming that being aro just means I'm broken because I think my friendship heartbreak is just as painful as someone's romance heartbreak. TL;DR for some reason I attract a lot of romantic attention and contrary to popular opinion it makes me feel worthless.
  20. 9 points
    Oh god, yeah. It's like you watch one (1) clip from a TV show involving two characters, and next thing you know your YouTube recommendations are like "HERE HAVE 20 DIFFERENT PUZZLESHIPPING AMVS, YOU LIKE THAT RIGHT? RIGHT?? KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE" no. die
  21. 9 points
    I mean, don't see how it's any different from any other orientation label. Should one refrain from calling themselves gay in case it rules out the possibility of ever being attracted to the "opposite" gender? The fact is, the reason so many people tell aspecs such a thing, and why so many believe it, is because of amatonormativity. You can worry about future "what ifs" all you want, but I refuse to disallow myself the freedom of having a way to describe my experiences just because some fuckos are more concerned with the possibility that I might someday become "normal".
  22. 9 points
    YMBAI you get upset when a book, movie, or tv show ruins a perfectly good friendship by turning it romantic unnecessarily. YMBAI you can't flirt to save your life.
  23. 9 points
    You might be aromantic if when you think about marriage you don't imagen who you will get married to, but other things instead e.g. getting to wear nice clothes, how nice the food will be, having the opportunity for a big family get together You might be aromantic if when people look down on marrying for visas, marrying for tax breaks, etc. you wonder why they do because those sound like very practical reasons to get married
  24. 9 points
    When the question "What is your type?" really confuses you and you just answer with what you think would make a good friend.
  25. 9 points
    You might be aro if you don't understand the point of romantic relationships.
  26. 8 points
    bc why not. Here's a link to the picture https://aminoapps.com/c/aroaceunited/page/blog/i-finished-it/PYqr_g0tmudRxPB6gxp4W1vmo7LlqGPXdN
  27. 8 points
    Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (AUREA) is happy to announce the website - aromanticism.org - we've been working on has been launched! We assemble general information and community updates. The website includes FAQ, vocabulary, research, news feed, online resources, links to in-person groups, and printable educational materials. Our aim is also to be a contact point for researchers and media looking to explore the aromantic experiences. To be all that, we’re also looking for volunteers! You may (and please do, that’d be great) also contact us to inform us about an aromantic-themed event, an article mentioning aromanticism, new group, new research (or old one that we missed), anything that is relevant to aromanticism and that we, in our nonomnipotence may miss otherwise!
  28. 8 points
    So I had heard about the discrimination that happens in the LGBT+ community. However since I hadn't been identifying as Aro for long, I hadn't experienced this discrimination from anyone, let alone from someone in the community at all yet. Sadly, I just had a run in with this first hand a few weeks ago for the first time. I was talking with my German friend over the phone and he asked me to tell him about something new in my life. I was struggling to tell him something so random so he asked me about my love life. I hadn't really told many people of my Aromanticism, and he's not someone you can take seriously so I told him jokingly that "I don't have a love life". Then when he said that surely there must be someone, I decided to say the "A" word. I said "I'm Aromantic"...He was Bisexual so I thought he would be accepting but then he said " I don't believe you" and that shocked me. I had never experienced this so I didn't know how to respond. All I could say was "Why?". I tried to play it off as he told me things like that I should try dating, or as he asked me if there really is nobody that I would date, or as he suggested I was just socially awkward and not Aromantic but on the inside it was starting to hurt. It hurt even more after the conversation ended. As I reflected on the conversation I realized he had tried to "fix" me. He tried to get me to date. He tried to make me something I'm not, and it was a member of the LGBT+ community that did this! (The only good thing I got out of that is now I'm starting to think I might be asexual too, not heterosexual like I previously thought. but what a way to find that out...definitely not how I'd prefer to) Now that I've experienced this, it is clear that this is a real problem. People think we don't exist. People think there's something wrong with us just as my friend suggested it was my social awkwardness that was the problem (though other worse informed people will suggest things like actual mental illness). And even worse, we are overshadowed in our own community and that has lead even our own peers to believing that we don't exist. I began noticing things I would overlook like how, and I'm sure you guys don't do that here, but when I look through the aromantic hashtag in instagram I'll see posts that deal with asexuality only. There's not a single mention of aromantics except in the hashtag! It's a bit of a pain having to scroll past those nonaromantic posts especially for people who aren't even asexual. It's also hard when some (not all!) alloromantic asexuals will throw aromantics under the bus to be accepted as well by saying things along the line of "Look! I have a partner. I experience love too! There's just no sex involved." Now I know not all Alloromantic Asexuals do this but some do and this is definitely damaging to the Aromantic community. I'm just beginning to notice how different we are from the rest of the LGBT+ community. We are separated from them by a common bond a lot of them share: love. And it's not just a small part of the asexual community that will do it, parts of the LGBT community will do it unknowingly when they argue their case saying that "it's just love." This helps them, but when they've been accepted by others, the aromantic community won't be accepted because those same arguments will be used against us. It hurts us in the long run. Yeah I'm sorry this post is very all over the place! I'm kind of having a crisis. It's just, as other parts of the LGBT community are starting to be accepted, aromantics are struggling to get any recognition at all. We're growing slowly but I'd love to see more progress. But how? How can we make people see us and understand us? After this incident I feel like I'll be more hesitant in the future to come out to, well, anyone!
  29. 8 points
    The idea that "pretty much all aros" have squishes is blatantly untrue, and extremely harmful. You do not have to experience squishes to be aro. You do not have to want a QPR, a similar partnership, or even just friends in general to be aro. Literally all aromanticism is is the absence of romantic attraction. You don't "need" anything else to be aro, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to fuck off.
  30. 8 points
    I did a poll some while ago about the gender distribution here on the forum. Apparently, there are twice as many females here than males. This result was also reproduced by a study I saw on tumblr some while ago. Since then I've been wondering if this is something which inherent to aromanticism or if it is just a sampling bias. Right now, my theory is that it is a sampling bias caused by women talking more often about love with their friends. If this is true, it might lead to an increased psychological strain because of not being able to contribute anything to the conversation and just realizing more easily that something is "off", resulting in a higher proportion of women actually investigating about aromanticism. But I don't have any experience with this. I can just say for myself that I personally basically never talk about love with my friends (but this could also just be because all of my friends are nerds) and only looked into aromanticism because of curiosity as I didn't think it would matter much if I was aromantic.
  31. 8 points
    There's something like this on AVEN, but I haven't seen it here (although I admittedly didn't look too hard). The idea is to get people talking to each other. So if anyone wans more private conversation to make friends, comment on here, and pm someone that you've never pm-ed before. And maybe tell some things that you're interested in so people know what to chat about.
  32. 8 points
    I'm doing a project for my sociology class on how the focus on romance and lack of awareness in our society affects aromantic people. I need as many responses as I can get, so please feel free to share this with your aro friends after you take it! Here's the survey: https://goo.gl/forms/ltqySLHtbm6iaYuI3 if you have any additional feedback for me, feel free to respond to this post below!
  33. 8 points
    My school's library just put up a valentine's day display. I was really surprised (in a good way!) by what was on it. It was talking about the different kinds of loves, and how romantic love is not the only one! I was so excited to see it acknowledge this, instead of continuing to push an amatonormative message.
  34. 8 points
    I’ve noticed that the color green seems really appealing to me now lol. I wonder if it’s a subconscious thing because I’ve finally accepted my aro-ness.
  35. 8 points
    I feel like a core part of my aromantic identity is that I'm very affectionate, I want lots of affection in all my close relationships, and the way I experience affection is fundamentally different from allos. My desire for affection in general and affection within my established relationships is a core part of my identity. A lot of the affection I enjoy is culturally coded as romantic, but I experience intimate affection as neither romantic nor platonic. My friendships that don't feature hugging, kissing, cuddling, and other kinds of intimacy feel "incomplete" to me, and the boundaries that allos set between romance and platonic friendship seem bizarre and arbitrary to me. My affinity for affection also sets me apart in some ways from other aros who are disinterested in affection, so that we have very different experiences of being aromantic, but I still feel far more kinship with them than I do with allos, even affectionate allos. I'd like to coin a term for this since I've met several other aros who feel similarly. I started with the term "amorous aromantic" but folks in our Discord server pointed out that using "amorous" as an identity label conflicts with the established usage of "nonamorous" as a relationship model, and they mean different things. So, anyone have any ideas for words or roots that could mean "aromantic people who have a strong affinity for affection" as an identity label?
  36. 8 points
    Who else has read Becky Chambers wayfarer series? I think the author is really good at portraying different kinds of relationships and people relating to each other. The first book has a qpr (edit: I realize now I used that wrong, I meant a committed sexual but not romantic relationship) and in the third one off the pov is aro. The second book doesn't really have any specif aro themes but it does deal a lot with friendship and chosen family.
  37. 8 points
    One of the hardest parts of coming out is trying to put your experiences into words romantic people can understand. Everyone comes out in their own way, but I'd like to share some things that have and have not worked for me. "Aromantics don't experience romantic attraction, ie. they don't get crushes, they don't fall in love, that sort of thing." ---> Response: "That sounds like a psychopath!" ...It turned out she confused falling in love with loving in general. She was much more accepting once I set her straight. "I don't think I want a boyfriend." ---> Response from my admirer: "Oh, you're not looking for a boyfriend right now. That's okay." Some people mix up aromanticism with temporary singledom. Explaining why I identify as aromantic: "I was in a relationship where we were mostly friends, but he liked me as more than that, and so I tried to make it work that way. And he would do things like look at me all sweetly and romantically, and I just felt so uncomfortable. But it wasn't because I didn't like him." ---> Coworker: "You know that's normal, right?" Apparently romance repulsion sounds a lot like butterflies when you explain it out loud; I've found people are a lot more understanding when you emphasize the distinction. "I'm asexual, which means this. I'm also aromantic, which means this. They sort of go together for me, but not for everybody." ----> Response: "I don't think you need to box yourself up in labels like this." People are usually more accepting if you introduce the concept before the vocabulary. Explaining it to children: "Did you guys know some people never get a crush in their whole lives?" ---> Response: "What?! I didn't know that!" I like to use this "fun fact" as a way of introducing the concept to pretty much anyone. Depending on the response, I'll usually add, "Btw I'm one of those people." Wearing aromantic pride flair sometimes garners questions, at which point a mini-lesson on aromanticism is usually welcome. I've had several people thank me for introducing them to the topic for different reasons. Some people just won't get it, and that's okay. Some people won't have any idea how to respond, and so they'll change the subject. That's okay too. So long as you don't let these people's views on aromanticism drag you down. You're not crazy and you're not the only one. But you know that already because you're here. ☺️
  38. 8 points
    Whew, you may not realize it, but you've stumbled into a hot topic. I haven't seen it discussed much on this forum, but I have seen it discussed on Tumblr. If I find any particularly relevant blog posts, I'll share them here. The short answer is no, you're not being over-sensitive. And yes, there are people who criticize us as a "lesser" or "less oppressed" orientation and ask us to speak less so that "more important" queer people can speak more. Those people are wrong and their attempts to silence us are a kind of anti-queer oppression, coming from queer people who should be supporting us. We call them exclusionists, because they want to exclude anyone who doesn't fit their narrow definitions of queer from queer communities. They also usually say "queer is a slur so don't say it" which is also wrong. Aromantic people belong in queer communities just as much as anyone else, and we deserve the support of queer communities just as much as anyone else. Aromantic is a queer identity. Regarding how your friends responded to you, yes, a lot of us have experienced that kind of thing. People who love us don't understand what aromantic is, so they just say nothing. No support, no criticism, no excitement, no questions, just nothing at all. It happens quite a lot. It's very frustrating. But it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to support you. You might need to have some more conversations about your experience of being aromantic, or maybe even outline ways they could show support for you. Maybe send them articles or blog posts that you might find particularly relevant. It sucks that we sometimes have to train our friends how to be good allies, but sometimes they really are willing to learn. Also, plenty of people can probably relate to your story. I know I can. I eventually left a friend group I'd been a part of for 10 years because of their utter silence regarding my identity when I came out as nonbinary. A lot of aro blogs on Tumblr frequently talk about how little support we get from other queer communities, so you can find plenty of solidarity there if that's what you want. We're here for you, and there are plenty of people here who will share your excitement about discovering your identity. Hopefully your friends will come around, too.
  39. 8 points
    YMBAI you are annoyed that straight people of the opposite sex don't want to accept being "just" friends.
  40. 8 points
    YMBAI you found kiss scenes in the middle of action completely stupid. Like, why are you kissing right now when zombies are about to kill you?
  41. 8 points
    No problem YMBAI you started dating someone who you should be really good with on paper and you genuinely like, but once you're in the relationship, you feel uncomfortable or trapped.
  42. 7 points
    I don't think that "Ace and Aro" implies both, as it is. I think the logo definitely needs work, but, as you said, that takes know-how and time, so doing your best to make it as obvious as possible that it's both is good. I'm in agreement that "Liverpool Area Ace and Aro Group" is pretty generally a good and used format in many areas. The biggest thing is the language change - changing the group name to "Ace and Aro", changing the language used in discussions to "a-spec"...these are all things that need to be done that don't require as much effort, but are important to overall inclusiveness. As much as this suggestion is well intentioned, this isn't practical or...what they were asking? No offense at all, @Mark, but this comes across super unfriendly to the concept of allowing a group to grow to be inclusive, even if it wasn't originally. The group is currently alienating even to me if the group is called "Liverpool Aces Meetup" or something along those, because I identify more with my aro-ness. However, that suggestion is not helpful or practical, unless you're in the Liverpool area and want to start a group yourself.
  43. 7 points
    Old enough to talk. Getting told "you're too young to know that" is a common experience to all sorts of people who aren't straight (or cisgender, for that matter). It's a double standard, because those same people probably wouldn't have told you "you're too young to know that, maybe it'll change" if what you had said was "I'm straight." They're just generalizing based off of what's more familiar to them. It's a type of reaction to expect from people -- but not something to take to heart. It's okay to identify as aromantic if that's the term that feels right to you. No matter how old or young you are. I promise.
  44. 7 points
    So I'm always really confused about what the hell romance even is, so I decided to try to find out the history behind it. And the thing is, romantic love didn’t even exist as a concept for most of history? Ancient Greeks defined seven different types of love, none of which were romantic: eros (sexual love), philia (friendship), storge (familial love), agape (universal love aka altruism or charity), ludus (casual love, flirtation and no-strings-attached), pragma (practical love, like arranged marriages), and philautia (self-love). (x) The concept of romance was first introduced only 900 years ago (x), which is pretty recent, considering marriage had been around for about 3500 years before that. (x) Obviously, by Shakespeare’s time, romance was a widely accepted concept. However, marrying “for love” like Shakespeare shows wasn’t very common until the late eighteenth century. Before the late 1700′s, love was seen as something that happens after the marriage, not before it. But as the first romance novel was written by Samuel Richardson in 1740(x), and Jane Austen normalized romance novels from 1795 to 1817 (x), romance quickly became a prerequisite for marriage by the mid-1800s. And when romance was necessary for marriage, it was suddenly deemed necessary for life. The need for romance overpowered the needs for all other types of love as more books about romance were published, and then songs about romance, and then movies about romance. I think romance became an "essential" thing as life got easier, the same way plumbing and indoor heating are now "essential." But, the thing is, it's not actually necessary, and, in my opinion, sometimes life is a lot simpler without it. What are your thoughts about this? Do you think romantic attraction has always been around, or is it a new thing? Do you think life is simpler without romance? Is romantic attraction even a real thing, or is it just a manmade concept? Disclaimer: I am white, and I’m not a historian or anything, and I only really know Western history and the Bible and whatever some quick Google searches will tell me. A lot of this is just my personal informed opinion. Please let me know if I’ve gotten anything wrong, and add any non-Western viewpoints!! tl;dr: the concept of romance didn’t exist until 900 years ago, and after people in the mid- to late 1700s started writing about it, people thought it was necessary in order to get married, and then it was "necessary" for just life in general, and it complicated things.
  45. 7 points
    The trouble with aromanticism is that it's very hard to prove a negative. Most of the time when people identify as aro what they're saying is "I've felt little to no romantic attraction up to this point and I greatly suspect that this will continue to be the case". Of course, there are other reasons to identify as aro aswell, but I think that's what a lot of people mean by it. So like personally I consider myself to be aro because I haven't ever felt anything I would consider to be romantic attraction, and when I'm in situations where I'm expected to reciprocate romantic feelings or actions it usually impacts my mental health negatively. I know that all of that might change in the future and if it does I'll probably find another identity label to use, but at least for right now that doesn't appear to be changing any time soon and having the word "aromantic" helps me explain and understand my experiences. So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that you don't have to be 100% sure that you'll be aromantic forever and always to use the label. In fact most aros aren't that certain. But if the term 'aromantic' helps you understand your current experiences a little better then you're welcome to use it for as long as you need to, whether that's only for a few months or for the rest of your life. You're also welcome to try out that label for a little bit to see how it fits, I think a lot of the questioning process can be very guess and check. Absolutely certainty isn't something you're likely to get with an orientation that's based on a lack of something, but if aromantic is a label that you think might fit you then it's totally okay to just try it out for a bit.
  46. 7 points
    Hi all! Just wanted to say here since it's new and I haven't seen anything about it yet that there's a new blogging carnival called Carnival of Aro's starting this month and they're looking for submissions as well as people who can host topics in the coming months. This month's carnival is being hosted by TAAAP and the topic is "The Relationship Between the Aro and Ace Communities". You can find information about the carnival itself here, and you can submit posts for this months carnival here. I'm not the person running the carnival, so I don't know how helpful I can be in answering questions, but I thought y'all should know that this is happening!
  47. 7 points
  48. 7 points
    I ordered a custom aro ring last week and it arrived today. So happy 😁
  49. 7 points
    I totally love this - It only came out earlier this month!
  50. 7 points
    YMBAI you just wanted to talk to and spend time with your "crush" but not do anything romantic with them (basically you thought you had a crush on someone but it's probably closer to a squish)
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