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Showing content with the highest reputation since 04/19/2019 in all areas

  1. 4 points
    Hi! I'm Lisa. I live in London. I run a local ace & aro meetup group that has a walking group, a book club, and regular brunch and pub socials. We welcome aros of any sexuality and those who don't use the SAM. I'm into Sherlock Holmes, Shakespeare, reading (especially queer SFF, books with diverse characters including arospec ones), theatre, folk music (I play the flute and sing), running, and various arts & crafts. I have the same username on AVEN.
  2. 3 points
    The aro website is happening! We'd be grateful for help with the costs for domain, hosting and e-mail, so if you can and want to support this project your money would be very much appreciated. You can chip in here: https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8e0zrbpbIW The website is going to aim to be an official front for aromanticism, featuring faq, resources, e-mail contact for press/media, glossary and such. Currently the team is me, Magni @Magni, Neir @running.tally, HotRamen @HotRamen, and @bananaslug aka aroacepagans on tumblr. We'd be happy to answer questions should any arise too
  3. 3 points
    I've known that I am aromantic for a couple of years now, but I just found this forum. I'm 18, and my hobby is keeping aquariums. I know that it's common for aros to confuse platonic attraction for romantic attraction, but I initially thought that my sexual attraction was romanctic attraction. It made me feel like a creep, but I felt obligated to try dating due to general amatonormative notions given off by everyone in my life. I went on one date and felt incredibly gross and uncomfortable. Thank goodness we have google and words to accurately describe romantic orientation now, because I'm sure I would have kept trying to enjoy (and fail at) romantic relationships. I've only ever told one person about my romantic orientation (being a lesbian in the south US usually gets people off my back about things, but I'm sick of using this to avoid telling people about my aromanticism due to a lack of understanding). My parents will not know until I am financially independent (they aren't supportive of a lot of my life choices/ways including religion and sexuality, so I walk on eggshells around them). I'm glad to not feel so alone in my lack of romantic attraction online.
  4. 3 points
    We're going to be an aromanticism site, not asexual + aromantic site, which means asexuality itself won't be a focus. We'll also have some resources for allosexual aros. Since aromantic communities in general are less established than ace ones and ace ones have some resources on aromanticism, we'll end up with a lot of links to ace+aro resources (for example in the "in-person groups" section, which has groups for aces and aros together). The solution to that is that we'll specify which resources are specific to aros and which are aspec, so that people who want to interact with the aro-specific ones will be able to access them easily. And, as @eatingcroutons pointed out, I myself am allosexual, so this perspective is definitely not going to be overlooked and while there may be a disproportion in resources, in the informational sections we will be including allosexual and asexual parts of the aros' experience both.
  5. 3 points
    @bydontost is alloaro. I know her well, and can absolutely vouch for her dedication to the aro community as a whole, and inclusivity for alloaros specifically. She and I hosted the second Carnival of Aros precisely because we wanted to build something positive out of the dog's breakfast it started with.
  6. 2 points
    Just for future reference- you may want to look for alternatives to PayPal if you plan on getting more money in the future. Here's pages from the Better Business Bureau, Consumer Affairs and a YouTube video from an artist they screwed over. The video I linked has a couple of alternatives linked in the description but I'd recommend doing your own research as well, because it's not an exhaustive list by any means.
  7. 2 points
    So I'm always really confused about what the hell romance even is, so I decided to try to find out the history behind it. And the thing is, romantic love didn’t even exist as a concept for most of history? Ancient Greeks defined seven different types of love, none of which were romantic: eros (sexual love), philia (friendship), storge (familial love), agape (universal love aka altruism or charity), ludus (casual love, flirtation and no-strings-attached), pragma (practical love, like arranged marriages), and philautia (self-love). (x) The concept of romance was first introduced only 900 years ago (x), which is pretty recent, considering marriage had been around for about 3500 years before that. (x) Obviously, by Shakespeare’s time, romance was a widely accepted concept. However, marrying “for love” like Shakespeare shows wasn’t very common until the late eighteenth century. Before the late 1700′s, love was seen as something that happens after the marriage, not before it. But as the first romance novel was written by Samuel Richardson in 1740(x), and Jane Austen normalized romance novels from 1795 to 1817 (x), romance quickly became a prerequisite for marriage by the mid-1800s. And when romance was necessary for marriage, it was suddenly deemed necessary for life. The need for romance overpowered the needs for all other types of love as more books about romance were published, and then songs about romance, and then movies about romance. I think romance became an "essential" thing as life got easier, the same way plumbing and indoor heating are now "essential." But, the thing is, it's not actually necessary, and, in my opinion, sometimes life is a lot simpler without it. What are your thoughts about this? Do you think romantic attraction has always been around, or is it a new thing? Do you think life is simpler without romance? Is romantic attraction even a real thing, or is it just a manmade concept? Disclaimer: I am white, and I’m not a historian or anything, and I only really know Western history and the Bible and whatever some quick Google searches will tell me. A lot of this is just my personal informed opinion. Please let me know if I’ve gotten anything wrong, and add any non-Western viewpoints!! tl;dr: the concept of romance didn’t exist until 900 years ago, and after people in the mid- to late 1700s started writing about it, people thought it was necessary in order to get married, and then it was "necessary" for just life in general, and it complicated things.
  8. 2 points
    "Well, if I ever run out of new places to see, or new adventures to pursue, and find myself truly desperate for inspiration, I guess I might try pressing my face against someone else's. But this is a pretty big planet."
  9. 2 points
    i had a psychiatric assessment yesterday (recently had a bit of a mental health crisis, not important), so there was a social worker who did most of the talking, a psychiatrist whose purpose was supposedly just to prescribe me an appropriate medication, and a recent grad who was just observing. anyway, at one point they asked my sexual orientation and whether i was in a relationship, so i told them, and they had a lot of questions and comments. i had to explain aromanticism and how it's different from asexuality. they asked whether i'd ever been in a relationship so i tried to sum up in a minute what a bad experience it was (just because i'm aro; he was great) and added that "i haven't been in a sexual relationship because then it would have to be sexual and romantic and i...can't do that. but i also don't want to just like...ugh, it's complicated." at this point the psychiatrist interjected by saying that a sexual and romantic relationship is an important part of life and basically implied that it would lessen my depression, when i'd just explained how the opposite was true. i said "i would have to disagree. i'm quite happy with my life the way it is." he said "ok" but was clearly not satisfied. i also found it interesting that despite my having expressed a mild interest in making more friends (but i couldn't be bothered), they did not agree that that would improve my life. i wonder whether they would have made such a big deal about me being single if i weren't aro, like if i just didn't happen to be dating at the moment. i told my dad afterwards and he was surprised and disappointed that they reacted like that; i was disappointed but not surprised. i told him "everyone says that. i'm used to it." (most of the mental health professionals i've seen, i mean, but obviously people in general too.) he said "that's like telling an asexual: 'go have some sex.'" i informed him that people do suggest that, and reflected that "if i'd been asexual, he (the psychiatrist) would have had a wig-out." i added that my aromanticism is "always my least favourite thing to bring up (to health care professionals). they're like, 'so, are you in a relationship?' and i'm like, 'oh, here we go.'" so yeah. i'll be doing a few therapy sessions with the social worker; i hope she'll let me talk about my depression instead of my aromanticism. 🙃
  10. 2 points
    I'd say that what people call "romantic attraction" is part physiological phenomena, part subjective conscious experience of physiology, and part social framing of subjective conscious experience. There are hormonal changes that are correlated with "romantic attraction" - these have been studied and observed. They fundamentally mimic obsession/addiction states: Low serotonin, high dopamine, oxytocin as well. These are physiological changes that can be triggered or influenced by a variety of stimuli or circumstances. Then there's our subjective conscious experience of what our hormones are doing. It's been studied and observed that subjective experiences of similar physiological states vary from person to person: The same cocktail of hormones might result in significantly different feelings or experiences in different people. On top of all that is social context. We're all raised by societies that give us certain frameworks within which to understand and interpret our subjective experiences. Society, for example, may tell us that "love" is a thing that can be categorised into qualitatively different types, leading us to look for ways to categorise any love we feel according to society's framework. So in terms of whether "romantic attraction" has always been around, I'd say that the addiction-like rush of hormones almost certainly has. And that some people have probably always experienced that hormone cocktail as a deep, emotional desire to permanently bond with another person. Framing that desire as "romantic attraction" may be new, and whether or not society as a whole recognises and values emotional desire for a permanent bond varies. But it's highly unlikely that humans have changed so much in <200 generations that the ancient Egyptians never felt a deep emotional desire to pair-bond.
  11. 2 points
    I get the impression that girls talk more about love/romantic attraction than boys because they are more encouraged do that (or even from traditional gender expectations) and I agree with what NullVector said.
  12. 2 points
    I think it always has been around, tho it was not treated as an universal phenomenon (and sometimes may have been undesirable if it got in the way of an arranged marriage for example). Right now it's treated as something that is universal and that's what's Not Cool about it. I also think it's a manmade concept in the way that certain feelings in our society are interpreted as romantic and we're taught to think about them that way. Anddd as for if it's more simple or no - idk, it just is different
  13. 2 points
    I hate that people practically drop everyone and everything from their lives to dedicate 97% of their time to their partner.
  14. 2 points
    Well almost anything romance related! well what irritates me the most are these lovey dovey couples. I see them on a regular base in the bus when i go to my local art studio and they just annoy me because they just do everything so over the top. I honestly have no clue why it's so important to giggle about everything they say and being all over eachother. Just the thought of it repulses me more then i find it interesting. I barely watch tv for that same reason. Too many movies where you either watch people doing stuff you don't want to see or it all being about romance... I also don't like being too intimate as i can't stand touch or being touched by others, another reason why i believe romance just isn't my cup of tea.
  15. 1 point
    wow that title rhymed .... anyways hello guys I am koffee and I just joined here. I am gray-aromantic but sometimes I say aro just because its shorter and easier to explain. I am 19 years old,never had a *proper* crush. I'm not sure if it was a real romantic attraction lol So yeah,if you have any questions about myself, I'd be happy to answer :3
  16. 1 point
    Can I ask why you think that an umbrella aromantic organization should necessarily seek majority "aro allo" leadership (as opposed to say, parity or just letting things fall based on who volunteers?) I'm familiar with all the arguments and reasons why it's important to have both ace and non-ace aro representation (as well as representation from those in the grey-areas in between! Let's not forget that seeing "allo vs. ace" as a binary in itself can cause harm), and I don't think there's anything bad with a hypothetical majority-aro-allo group in and of itself, but I also don't think that necessarily translates to "more allos than aces is obviously better" and I think it's important to talk about why that's being suggested instead of taking it as a given,
  17. 1 point
    Hi, welcome to Arocalypse. :3 Not alone at all. Have some ice cream.
  18. 1 point
    that would be the main issue for any acronym for me, something like ARENA or AURA will be lost in the search results about crystal energy and football teams. Whatever the name of the site I think the acronym must be as search unique as possible (but not to a ridiculous level, no one wants TAARECP101001##)
  19. 1 point
    I would be rather more comfortable with this project had a majority aro allo leadership. Will you ask such groups what they do to specifically include aro allo people before deciding how to list them? Especially if they have a history of being ace groups. In the case of many written resources a better option than linking might be a rewrite and reference. This applies even to aromantic terms. Be they the fairly obscure quoiromantic to aromantic itself. Given that there are some rather poor definitions around which are easy to find. An ideal medium to long term plan would be to get the likes of AVEN to link to an aro resource site for all matters aro. There's also a huge need for resources about romantic coded behaviour, romance repulsion, monogamy repulsion, how to communicate with alloromantics about aromanticism in ways which are easy for them to understand.
  20. 1 point
    I would have trier to make him understand how blinded he is. And if he doens't work, I would have let him like this and think about it during days with anger, thinking of all the things I could have say to him. 😂 But I agree, a lot of people associate poetry and romance. Probably because poetry became about feelings around XIX century. But first, feelings doesn't equal love, and second, we can write about everything we want.
  21. 1 point
    Does Paracelsus count?
  22. 1 point
    S.A.G.E Test Results: Your Raw Score is: -360, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous Your appearance is Androgynous Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person. You appear to socialize in a masculine manner. You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity. You indicated your were born Female. ANALYSIS: Female to Male possible Transsexual I had no notes from the test so it wasn't included and mentioned Female because it was referring to sex and I know I'm not born Intersex. It's hard to take this test seriously when it throws in the word, "arousing" at almost everything in a question including whether one wants a beard or dress in different clothes. This is both painful and hilarious to read at the same time.
  23. 1 point
    hello, all. im ren, nearly 17, and i think im pan/abrosexual and grayromantic leaning more towards aromantic. i joined this site because i dont have anyone i can relate to about romantic things
  24. 1 point
    I'm not a huge fan of the term "tertiary attraction" because, as stated above, it does make it sound like it's not quite equal to romantic and sexual attraction. At the same time, I don't have any ideas as to what we should be saying instead, so it will work for now. Personally, I experience platonic and aesthetic attraction the most. I often see queerplatonic attraction treated as a synonym for platonic attraction, and I appreciate that they are differentiated here. I very frequently will experience platonic attraction as a desire to be friends with a specific person, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a QPR with them, so I appreciate the distinction. I also agree that grouping them together is a good thing. They aren't the same, but they're treated similarly, so hopefully if we put them under one umbrella it will make it easier to advocate for all of them.
  25. 1 point
    Hmm What about AAN which would stand for aro advocacy network it’s not as wordy and it’s short if people like short acronyms idk if there’s anything else using this but it’s another suggestion
  26. 1 point
    Me? well I would coyly laugh at the kissing girls comment and say I am trying to emulate Gerard Manley Hopkins rather than Shakespeare. Hopkins wrote about environmentalism and God, and how industrialisation is a cancer and what can faith be when Nuns are drowned? then throw in one of the darker quotes from one of the more depressing poems, ...though in reality I am much more likely to smile and nod then leave the room. Though there is always the possibility that I would throw out a comment about not wanting to end up writing like Patsy Cline as I left the room.
  27. 1 point
    I think many people like this equate romantic love with having feelings, and that only this kind of love can inspire your art. One way to address this (without explaining aromanticism for two hours) is to point out poets who were single all their lives and wrote beautiful poetry. You could also say that many other feelings can inspire poetry: love for others (family or friends or nature or animals or whatever), joy, excitement, sadness, anger (i'm thinking of slam poetry for example). Also, doing art isn't necessarily romantic. It can be for advocacy, for protest, for expressing your feelings in many other ways. I think arguments like those could help! It sucks you had this experience but it's definitely amatonormativity (and sexism honestly) at work!
  28. 1 point
    Okay for context, quoting myself in our earlier conversation from the other thread: This is how I experience attraction: Yes, it's very different from the norm and that's why I've described it. It's all mixed together in ways that are difficult to distinguish. If you want a longer explanation, see here, here, and here. Or just check out my post in the other thread. So to hear these described as "tertiary" feels really wrong to me, since it's totally contrary to my personal experience. And hearing it in the way that @Magni originally brought it up, sort of felt a bit like it was (unintentionally) talking over/erasing my experience with words I didn't choose or agree with. (But we've already worked out that misunderstanding, so all is well. ) It also feels SUPER WEIRD to hear queerplatonic/alterous attractions grouped with sensual attraction, since I feel like they don't automatically go together. I know they can for some people, of course. But I don't even have QP/alterous attraction, so it confuses me. and ...so that's the cliff notes version of our previous conversation. Anyway, I'm not particularly attached to the idea of saying "non-romantic/non-sexual" attractions or the abbreviation that I proposed earlier. I mean, I have never even seen a need to refer to these attractions as a group, so I'm probably not the best person to come up with new terminology for that. I was just saying that I would not use "tertiary" as I feel it's very problematic, and I probably would never even think to make up a new label, I'd just describe what I mean. I agree with @Apathetic Echidna that a term like this is VERY likely to be misinterpreted, and I tend to be the sort of person who just writes everything out rather than getting into specialized terminology anyway. I feel it can be a major accessibility barrier for people who are new to a community. But... I feel like, if there is going to be a new term, how about we focus on what all of these types of attraction have in common? That can be a good guide for coming up with a term that is more agreeable. So far from this discussion I am seeing this group of attractions referred to as: under-discussed, less well known, less "visible", less acknowledged, and perhaps more complex/nuanced/specialized. What else do they have in common? Can you think of any other words to describe that? Brainstorming session! ----- Freshman just means your first year of whatever school, it's not a name for a type of school but rather a group of students. So you can be a freshman in high school, or a freshman in university/college, etc. (Sophomore, Junior, and Senior are words for second, third, and fourth(+) year students.) This extra meaning/association you mentioned explains a lot!! But yeah, still problematic, in a different way.
  29. 1 point
    Also, I forgot to actually say it, but being aroace (at least for me) IS very different from being allo ace or allo aro (thanks captain obvious). I would probably live my aromantism differently if i was aro allo and same thing with my asexuality if i was allo ace. That being said, i am more confortable with the aro community (because of various reasons ) and I don't like it when peoples just call me "ace" without mentioning my aromantism… But I am fine with peoples juste calling me "aro". Even if I can't deny i am aro ace. I dont know this is a mess to explain. … but i feel like I have to "pick a side" and I... don't want to? Should not have to?
  30. 1 point
    Spoilers for Danganronpa V3, you have been warned.
  31. 1 point
    I actually made a vow to do this a few years ago and I'm still sticking with it.
  32. 1 point
    I second that Moses Sumney's album is so important I've never heard bops this relatable before
  33. 1 point
    Well that's what I was trying to say, too. I'm repulsed by all those things.
  34. 1 point
    I started as neutral regarding romance. There was nothing repulsive about it, just a strange aura surrounded it. Contrary to any other human interaction – with all their subtleties and nuances – what's special about it (the parts where it doesn't intersect with friendship or sex) didn't make any sense at all. Having romantic attraction directed at me and forcing myself to reciprocate it (didn't know better) made me feel very guilty (correctly) and very broken (like a psychopath). I strongly suspect it's conditioned behavior for me (don't claim it's like this for any other aro), though if I put, for example, my aversion against kissing (at some point it dawned on me that it was really a way to communicate strong and very real feelings) into words I sound like the worst germaphobe (but I am not anywhere else). I've recently started to always tell myself that I'm only different in this one area, and it helps very much. I notice that when calmly approached, romantic love begins to feel again as only strange to me.
  35. 1 point
    for some reason I feel really uncomfortable watching two people romantically holding hands ... even in the movies...
  36. 1 point
    My attitude towards romance in real life fluctuates a lot, but pointless TV romance and (badly written) romantic movies are just NOPE for me.
  37. 1 point
    The only time I am romance repulsed is when folks try to talk me into being interested in romantic relationships I'm like: Other then that, I usually fluctuate between romance positive to romance indifferent.
  38. 1 point
    I totally agree. The media, including music, movies, and even books, tends to revolve around the idea of love; with music being no exception and magazines having built their audience off of people wanting to know the drama of celebrities relationships, and so much more. Additionally, it seems like everyone's idea of love these days is so contorted, where people find these possessive or dark lyrics "cute" or something, and people enjoy reading about dysfunctional relationships. I work out as my high school's gym, which unfortunately means that there's a bunch of football players that put on their ridiculous, very offensive rap music. It's hard to enjoy mainstream music or media when not only is all of it choked in the idea of romantic love, but it also portrays said love in poor ways. It just amazes me that this is just normal by now, that people don't give it a second thought anymore.
  39. 1 point
    Lucky. My workplace is literally surrounded by university student residence and condo buildings. The students are even allowed to use our back parking lot to park their cars (how the fucking hell are university students affording fucking luxury cars?!? I didn't own a car 'til I was 25, and it was a 3rd-hand Chrysler Concorde I kept until it was 15 years old and the transmission died!). My workplace has an extensive CCTV system that I am there to monitor (among other things), so I am very often 'treated' to events that squick me out on many levels... goofy joined-at-the-hip couple behaviour, PDA, exhibitionist couples going at it right in front of the camera, worse. For the really egregious crap, my instruction from my boss is "Call the cops on them!". I'm glad I don't have to be the one going back there into a poorly-lit back-40 parking lot at night to break up gross behaviour.
  40. 1 point
    Yeah, its really strange. Like I absolutely love love But I'm a Cheerleader, and it does have romance. But the focus is on the discovery of her sexuality, ridiculing conversion theraphy, and loosing her family in the process and finding a new one. There are a few squick worthy scenes, but the rest is brilliant.
  41. 1 point
    To be honest, 99.99999% of the popular music produced in the last 15 or so years absolutely flummoxes me as to how it became popular... but yes, that song, and others like it, songs that glamourize what really ought to be seen as the darkest, scariest side of romance, really bother me. Case in point, an oldie but a perfect example Police - Every Breath You Take When I hear that song on the radio, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. There really seems to be a trend, in the last 10 or so years especially, towards normalizing some very abnormal, bizarre, and abusive behaviour in relationships. Books like '50 Shades of Grey', songs like 'Jealous', and the themes of jealous possessiveness and abusive control being desirable in a relationship (it proves he looooooves you!'), the idea that people have to ditch the friends and hobbies they loved before the relationship began once they become a couple, the idea that couples must be together constantly for all their non-workplace hours have all been really 'on the radar' recently... and they seem to be seen as much more normal and expected among younger people than my generation or my parents'. My married friends all have friends that were made before they were a pair, and friends they made individually after they were hitched, as did my parents. My married friends also have time to themselves, away from their partner, as did my folks (although, since we were an introvert family with some autistic traits - my HFA is absolutely genetic! - my folks may be less typical there... but often, Dad would be in the family room watching a car race while Mum was up in her study watching the Golden Girls and reading a book). Maybe that's just the lack of life experiences and maturity in many young people, maybe it's our culture pushing toxic ideas of what constitutes romance on the most impressionable group, or maybe it's something even darker... but I do find it worrisome.
  42. 1 point
    I'm much the same. I enjoy shipping and well written romantic subplots in moderation but I get mildly uncomfortable when other people talk about romance, and extremely so when it's about me.
  43. 1 point
    I actually have this song I like to sing in my head when this whole thing comes up? Its a survival mechanism, like I have to tune out this whole crap. (I have got a few survival mantras, this is one of them). Especially if men try to do this "you are mine" thing? I guess the heteronormativity + amatonormativity + objectification combo is a bit too much, and my brain instantly switches to panic?
  44. 1 point
    When people talk about their partners like they own them, its so...creepy? distasteful? weird? "Be mine" and similar stuff. It just makes me cringe.
  45. 1 point
    tbh????? im so glad im graduating high school so i dont have to shove past that one couple that took it upon themselves to make out passionately right in front of my locker every single day >.<
  46. 1 point
    Like a few others, I'm mostly okay with what other people do as long as it doesn't get too intense, but as soon as I'm involved I become immediately replused. And I will be repulsed by almost anything romantic- whether it be flirting, goinging on dates, kissing, whatever. When I was in a romantic relationship, just the classification that my ex was a romantic partner was enough to make me repulsed by anything that I did with him, no matter how innocent.
  47. 1 point
    You're right, my bad . Just when I was writing it I was thinking of a time when it was me and 1 other friend in a group of 8 who were single and all the couples had the girl on the guy's lap and were snuggling and kissing while we tried to have a conversation with everyone. It was so awkward. I think the knowledge that it was romantic also contributes to being kinda repulsed.
  48. 1 point
    I used to absolutely hate romance when i was younger. Now I just sort of don't care. Although to be fair I am generally pretty oblivious to it so it's hard to hate something if you don't know it's there. I still think a lot of things that are solely centred on romance are just pointless and stupid and i don't get how people can like it, there's no substance.
  49. 1 point
    I'm good with other people doing whatever whenever, but as soon as romance is directed at me I'm out
  50. 1 point
    I wouldn't consider myself romance repulsed in general. Romance in media doesn't bother me, and depending on the context I can even enjoy it. But real life is a different story. Even though I'm not repulsed, I don't like it at all. I get a sort of keep-your-romance-to-yourself-please attitude if I have to bear witness to anyone being couple-y or talking a lot about their dating lives.
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