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  1. 50 points
    Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.
  2. 47 points
    You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.
  3. 39 points
    YMBAI you are on this website and reading all (or some) of these things and nodding your head or smiling because you relate.
  4. 37 points
    If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.
  5. 36 points
    YMBAI you found kiss scenes in the middle of action completely stupid. Like, why are you kissing right now when zombies are about to kill you?
  6. 35 points
    When the question "What is your type?" really confuses you and you just answer with what you think would make a good friend.
  7. 33 points
    YMBAI you get upset when a book, movie, or tv show ruins a perfectly good friendship by turning it romantic unnecessarily. YMBAI you can't flirt to save your life.
  8. 33 points
    Assumed you were straight, and then realized you felt nothing towards any gender.
  9. 32 points
    No problem YMBAI you started dating someone who you should be really good with on paper and you genuinely like, but once you're in the relationship, you feel uncomfortable or trapped.
  10. 31 points
    me: *is happy* all of my family: "so who's the lucky lady?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  11. 30 points
    YMBAI when somebody tries to explain the concept of "friendzone" to you, and you just don't understand what is their problem with that. It sounds amazing. It sounds idyllic, like something you always genuinely wanted. YMBAI romantic relationships seem like a temporary thing, and you don't get it how grown adults believe that they gonna last ⁓forever⁓.
  12. 30 points
    Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.
  13. 29 points
    You might be aro if you don't understand how most people seem to have crushes all the time... Or if you thought you were just picky when it came to crushes..
  14. 26 points
    Apologies for derogatory terms/names "Oh you are just a slut." - um, like no? So what if I still like sex/feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I'm a slut, literally stop slut shaming people especially aromantic people. "Wow such a cold hearted bitch." - just because I don't want to date or get into a romantic relationship with you or anyone else, doesn't make me cold hearted. Someone sounds bitter and it isn't me. "So what, your like a robot?" - Ah yes, you have found out my secret, I am a robot hiding in a flesh body, incapable of any feeling or emotion because romantic emotion is the only emotion any human being is capable of. "But romance is what makes us human!" - As an anthropology major, I can tell you what makes us human is not romance. It is actually our bipedalism, culture (though this topic is highly argued), laguage and our thirst for knowledge. Other animals are highly romantic and is not a determined factor that makes humans human.
  15. 26 points
    The problem i have is that getting aromantics to define romantic attraction us like telling a person who was blind from birth to define what vision is. It just doesn't work. It reminds me of those arguments on AVEN about the definition of asexual and sexual attraction. A lot of the time it's people trying to describe something they don't experience and it just doesn't work.
  16. 25 points
    What questions or misconceptions about the aro spec do you hear? This may be useful for future FAQ sections on flyers, websites and such. Does that mean you don't love anyone, not even your family? Don't you mean asexuality? You probably just came out of a bad relationship. How can you tell if you haven't dated?
  17. 24 points
    Maybe you have commitment issues? Perhaps your standards are too high, just give people a chance!
  18. 24 points
    YMBAI you wanted a relationship, but when you started trying it just felt wrong and boring to you
  19. 24 points
    You might be aro if you don't understand the point of romantic relationships.
  20. 24 points
    was to a new years party at a friends house. woman at the house: So are you bisexual? me: yes woman: so do you prefer men or women? me: uhm... I dont really work that way. woman: I mean like.. would you rather have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? me: I wouldn't she was very confussed.
  21. 23 points
    If anyone ever discounts your aromantacism because of your age, point 'em in my direction. I'm 40. Yeah, older aros exist! We know our own minds and what works for us. We're strong enough to do what feels right to us despite all. of. gawddamn. society. pushing romance down our throats. Just the fact that we continue to be resolutely ourselves despite that relentless social pressure means that we're very strong. You mayn't always feel very strong, but you are.
  22. 23 points
    You might be aromantic if when you think about marriage you don't imagen who you will get married to, but other things instead e.g. getting to wear nice clothes, how nice the food will be, having the opportunity for a big family get together You might be aromantic if when people look down on marrying for visas, marrying for tax breaks, etc. you wonder why they do because those sound like very practical reasons to get married
  23. 22 points
    YMBAI you were curious as to why there were so many songs about love or sex on the radio. I realized when I was little that there were so many songs about love and my reaction was kinda: "Why can't people write about anything else? Love is so boring. You can write songs about literally anything, and the one thing people choose is love 90% of the time!"
  24. 22 points
    "is it something I did wrong when you were younger?" (@my mum) - seriously, mum, we had this exact same conversation when I came out to you as a lesbian five years ago, its still.not.a.childhood.trauma. please chill "but if you'd fall in love sometime in the future, you would try to be in a relationship with them, right? You are not giving it up right? There is hope" (@my mum) - Yeah. Sure. And If I were a dog, I'd probably chase my tail all day like dogs do. But I am not, , and I am also not alloromantic, so why are we even talking about this? I'm not giving up romantic love. I just don't have it in the first place. "how can one be LGBTQ+ AND aromantic? Omg, you are oppressing the LGBTQ+ people by dragging arospec people into the same group?! You are straight and just wanna be in the ⁓special queer club⁓" (@some confused and furious alloromantic lesbian online) - oh girl, do you seriously think I'm so bored that I'd be playing oppression olympics online? seriously? I have loads of ideas about what to do with my sparse free time, I don't have time for your gate keeping nonsense "you are just a heartbreaker and/or unfaithful and/or cold hearted &@#?!, I hope karma will finally find you and then you will learn." (@some online troll) - I have no idea who hurt you, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. I don't go around lying to about my identity to "trick" people. what do you think I am??? but you did look like you were soooo in love with your ex. (@ my friend) - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wut? you could get therapy, you know. I know this shrink... (@ some acquaintance) - just out of curiosity, should I like, also pray the gay away while I'm at it? will you also recommend a 2 in 1 deal at some white trash faith healer? o___0
  25. 22 points
    You had a crush on someone, though! (As lots of aros make up crushes or were just simply confusing them with squishes like me) But you watched a rom com the other day/romantic book etc.
  26. 21 points
    Oh my god hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaa *self-effacing and pained laughing* I hate prom for multiple reasons, but the reasons that specifically have to do with being queer are: Enforcing the gender binary. Guys are supposed to be in a tux, girls are supposed to be in a dress. There are actual rules about this. Have fun if you're outside of the gender binary, or don't conform to gender norms, or if you're trans. Also, guys are supposed to ask girls to prom, which brings me to the second point... Sexism. Expectations for guys to be the "active initiator" and girls to be the "passive receiver" when it comes to taking people out to prom, driving people to and from prom, and asking people to dance at prom. Newsflash, not all guys want to initiate, and not all girls want to receive. Also, girls getting killed because they turned down an offer to go to prom with someone. Heteronormativity. Guys are supposed to ask girls. Okay, so if you're queer, who asks first? If you're non-binary, do you just flail around and hope senpai notices you? And if senpai does notice you, are the two of you even allowed to go? And what if you're poly? Why can't you take multiple dates to prom? (My school doesn't allow it.) Amatonormativity. Oh, right, people say that they're not going to assume you and the person you go with are a romantic couple. Except so many people do go to prom with their romantic partners. Have fun if you want to take your queerplatonic partner, or if you're super good friends with someone of the gender you're attracted to, or if you're super good friends with someone of a gender you're not attracted to, and want to have your sexuality questioned and invalidated for days after. And of course, if you're aro and/or ace, have fun trying to convince people you're not a cold, selfish prick for turning down requests, especially if they start getting romantic or sexual. Ableism. People who are either physically disabled or neurodivergent being asked to prom, and then being turned into bloody inspiration porn, like the abled, neurotypical person is a frickin' hero for asking the other person to prom. And by the way, autism isn't even a disability or a disease, it's a different brain type. Please stuff your mouth up with my ally cookies and stop talking. Classism. Because all people are able to afford buying a $30~$70 prom ticket, plus formal clothes, plus a boutonniere, plus a limo (is that even a thing anymore), plus a greasy breakfast at McDonald's the next morning to treat their terrible hangover. Omitef's guide to allocating aros away from the prom-allos: Go stag. No, literally, go stag. If any allo tries to ask you to prom, put your hands on your head to mimic stag antlers, and then grunt at them until they go away. For added humour, actually show up to prom dressed as a stag, and continue grunting dismissively at allos. Go with friends. Print out life-size, cardboard cutouts of Rachel, Monica, Joey, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross. Drag them with you to prom. If anyone attempts to dance with you at prom, grab a cardboard cutout and waltz aggressively. Bonus points if you can convince the actual actors from "Friends" to help you out. Freak out. When an allo attempts to ask you to prom, look at them in shock and exclaim, "What? You can see me? But...but I thought I was invisible! I thought you said I didn't exist!" If they are confused, keep asking them why they have magical aro-detection powers. "How long have you been able to do this? You don't mean...oh, are you? Are you one of them? Are you...one of us?" And then start chanting, "one of us, one of us" until they walk away with as much fear as a child who has just realized that Santa Claus is not actually real. Dye. Call upon your inner Marcus-who-bought-100-watermelons-in-all-those-third-grade-math-problems, and buy an obscene amount of dyes in the colour of your favourite aromantic flag. Proceed to dyeing everything you own in the aro colours until you're a brilliant mess. The allos must know that you are to be avoided like the plague. It worked for the poison dart frogs in the Amazon Rain Forest. It has to work for you.
  27. 21 points
    just thought of another few that really bother me: "but you're so emotional!" that has nothing to do with it "don't sell yourself short!" im not "if you keep that up, you'll never get [significant other of the ~opposite gender~]" thats the point
  28. 21 points
    It's just a fancy made-up word for being single because no one wants to date you and you're just trying to make yourself sound special.
  29. 21 points
    YMBAI you originally thought that everyone was faking their romantic feelings or crushes, until you realized they weren't and that you just didn't feel the same way as other people.
  30. 21 points
    YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them.
  31. 21 points
    YMBAI you never understood the point of marriage. (Seriously, why would you stay with the same person your whole life and then make it harder and more expensive to get out of the relationship if things go bad?) YMBAI you always thought that books and movies exaggerated romantic attraction, but apparently they don't? YMBAI you were in a romantic relationship and you felt unhappy and wanted to get out of the relationship the constantly. YMBAI you were uncomfortable or displayed signs of anxiety in a romantic relationship.
  32. 21 points
    I'm not sure we want Voldemort as a figurehead for aromanticism… Kind of gives a bad image.
  33. 21 points
    One of my close friends always has the greatest reaction, before I had completely figured out my identity I told her that I was definitely not straigh and she replied : "I don't care if you fall in love and marry a rock, I'll still come to the wedding, though that'd be a pretty boring ceremony. Also if you marry a rock you'll never feel obligated to shave your legs for someone." It's by far the most funny reaction I've gotten
  34. 20 points
    I was wondering what you guys really can't seem to understand about romance. I guess we all have difficulty understanding the basic stuff like what crushes feel like and whatnot, but what about everything that encompasses this whole romantic culture we live in? I, for one, can't possibly understand how a lot of people seem to find extreme jealousy romantic. I just saw a post where a guy said that if a girl wanted to marry him she'd have to cut off all contact with other boys and everyone was gushing about how the fact that he was so protective was romantic and cute... No it's not, it's abusive. And I'm not saying everything romantic peeps are like that (thank god!) but I see that a lot and it's driving me crazy. Something else I don't understand is this rule of "you can't date someone that your friend used to date". I mean, if you're friends, it means you have stuff in common, so it's not that surprising that you'd fall for the same person, and I don't see why you're expected to never date one of your friend's exes AFTER they broke up. If you caused the breakup or if you openly thirsted after the person, then I can understand, but if the breakup had already happened and there's no way they're ever getting back together, then where's the issue? Why have I witnessed multiple persons cut off one of their friends because that friend started dating one of their exes??? This makes no damn sense.
  35. 20 points
    As some of you know, I'm out about being ace. But I'm not very open about being aro. Even with Mum. Mostly, this is due to me thinking that most people have never heard of aromantacism. I mean, if asexuality is unheard-of, aromanticism is so rare as to be virtually non-existent. Anyway, a couple of days ago, we were talking about identity-policing. This is something she had never heard of, so I used examples that I've seen on AVEN a few times to illustrate it. I said: Think of it like this. Some aces want relationships, because they still desire romantic companionship even if they don't want sex to be part of it. But some people think that if you're in a relationship, you can't be ace, because I guess they assume all romantic relationships to be sexual relationships, and they think that a person can't be ace if they're having sex, regardless of whether that person feels sexual attraction or a desire to have sex or not. So some people say that if you're in a romantic relationship, you can't be ace. That's an example of identity policing - you can't belong to our group if you do x, despite x really having no bearing on the group's identity at all. I had mentioned a few others too, like 'you can't be ace if you have a sex drive' and 'you can't be ace if you've been the victim of sexual violence' (some people seem to think all ace survivors of rape/assault are identifying as ace only because they were traumatized by sex and are now afraid of it... total unmitigated bullshit, but some idiots believe anything), but those examples didn't end up making Mum think about aces and romantic orientations the way the 'you can't be ace if you're in a relationship' one did. Mum thought about this for a minute. Then she asked me whether aces who desire romantic relationships have a harder time than those that don't. And I told her that in my opinion, people who are romantically inclined and those who aren't just face different challenges, with neither group having it harder than the other. The romantically-inclined face more challenges in finding someone who is likewise seeking a non-sexual romantic relationship and they often deal with a lot of heartache when finding out that someone they really like or even love isn't compatible because of the sex thing. But that people like me, who are aromantic and don't seek out romantic relationships often face feeling lonely when all their friends pair off into couples and abandon all their pre-couple friends. I also told her that since our society promotes romantic relationships as the be-all and end-all, friendships are not given very much importance, and that society doesn't accept family-like groups created by platonic friends as being anything approaching equal to couple- and parent-hood, so it can make creating a household very hard for aromantics. When society itself lacks a framework to explain the kind of relationship/family/companionship you want, you'll find creating that relationship/family/companionship almost impossible. So the identity policing conversation evolved into a conversation about romantic orientations. Mum had never thought of romantic orientation as being something that could be seen as separate from sexual orientation, but she's hetero in both kinds of orientation, so she never faced any of the conflicting emotions that have let people like us to question whether sexual and romantic orientations could be distinct things. She's also 70, so none of these thoughts and terms were around during her formative years. I'm just amazed that we actually had that conversation, and when I aligned myself with the aromantic side of the coin, she didn't question it or disparage it! I'd been stewing for months about how and when to have the 'I'm Aromantic!' conversation with her, since she still sometimes makes comments about my lack of a dating life now and then. Maybe I'm finally making some inroads! We'll see... after all, I still have yet to have the 'Guess what! I'm Agender!" conversation with her...
  36. 20 points
    YMBAI when someone expresses concern that you might feel left out or dissappointed because you aren't in a romantic relationship but they and/or others are, you are confused because you're doing just fine as you are and you hadn't even considered it. YMBAI you just sit there indifferently while people around you go in and out of relationships. YMBAI you just ignore Valantines Day every year because it's a couples holiday and you never have a partner on that day, and this never bothers you.
  37. 20 points
    No, this is a very real problem, lets talk about it. Heck, even I feel awful and predatory and all sorts of horrible sometimes because of this, and I'm also a girl. No wonder hetero guys started the voluntary celibacy topic. Wanting only sex from someone isn't predatory or misogynist or a bad thing. If you communicate honestly. respect your partner, respect boundaries and ask for consent, then there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you cannot give them your everlasting romantic love, you not going to treat them like a piece of meat... (Not like romantic love ever stopped them anyway? Respect and common decency aren't results of romantic affection?!)
  38. 20 points
    You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")! You're just gay and closeted!
  39. 20 points
    How do you know you haven't met "the one"?
  40. 20 points
    Never experiencing crushes.
  41. 20 points
    Every time I see a cheesy, cliche, or badly written love story in movies and am torn between constant facepalming and trying not to fall asleep. And then some of my alloromantic friends keep going on about how cute the story is and I am just so confused sometimes.
  42. 19 points
    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh I hate this test, it's based on so many sexist stereotypes and determines whether you're transgender based on gender identity disorder criteria (which is not inclusive of all transgender people). I took it once and it said I was an androgynous lesbian woman even though I'm an androgynous queer transman. Guess I don't conform to stereotypes enough to qualify as a real man™. *sits in corner and pours salt everywhere*
  43. 19 points
    It is such a damaging idea that out of everything we can do - it'll never be as good or make us as happy as a romantic relationship. I want to go to uni, get a good job, have great friends and go on holiday with them, lots of pets, a nice gaming PC... But clearly, I won't ever be truly happy or complete because I'm not gonna date someone. I always thought the reason I wasn't getting crushes is because I haven't found "the one" and it still feels like that sometimes - I spent so long thinking "How can I ever know I'm aro? How do I know that I won't meet "the one" soon?" because society doesn't show happy single people. Even if they are happy single, they're happier when they're dating and married and with kids. It takes a lot to get over the idea that dating won't make everyone really happy, it won't "fix" you. I think spending time with the aromantic community definitely helped me realise that there's nothing wrong with this, we can still be happy without dating.
  44. 19 points
    YMBAI you are annoyed that straight people of the opposite sex don't want to accept being "just" friends.
  45. 19 points
    Somebody asks you what a non-platonic relationship would look like and you genuinely have no idea because it's just not something you can really conceptualize.
  46. 18 points
    YMBAI people constantly tell you you're flirting and you're like, 'What? That was flirting?'
  47. 18 points
    Earlier in AVEN chat, someone was asking that if they could draw 1 object that would best describe their romantic love, what would it be. Between me and another person, we ended up deciding that a flaming toilet is a very appropriate object to represent romance.
  48. 18 points
    And when they do stupid, stupid things "in the name of love". It drives me up the wall. I have had to study romeo and juliet 3 times and every time I get so annoyed at the plot.
  49. 18 points
    Additionally: When we are watching a play or something with romance for class. A bunch of people are sitting and going "awwwww that's adorable" or "they're so cute" and I just sit there wondering why they're wasting their time kissing while they could be addressing the problem/plot.
  50. 18 points
    I had that moment when I once discussed love with my friends. In contrast to them, I'm very cynical when it comes to love, and said that romantic attraction only last for a maximum of three years- and if you haven't established other forms of bonds with that person your relationship is likely to fall apart. My alloromantic friends didn't agree with me of course and one of them said "No, not true, my boyfriend and I are still going strong even after two/three years! Just wait until you fall in love!" I didn't start an argument, because I think it's better to be a "happy fool" sometimes. She did however break up with him a few weeks after for the same reasons I mentioned. Sidenote: I think the couples that do last for decades have formed "family bonds" and have strong platonic love for each other.
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