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  1. 5 points
    I think that's a good aim. Also we shouldn't forget all the interactions humans can have without really there being any relationship. I really like interacting with strangers in some settings. It can be very rewarding and meaningful.
  2. 5 points
    Hi, I'm Zekai (They/them). After coming to this website for personal consultation and learning about both myself and the aromantic community, I finally took the time to make an account and actually join the group. I look forward to being able to learn more and possibly contribute to the treasure trove that this website is.
  3. 5 points
    You might be aro if you spend years thinking 'im not ready for a relationship' and aren't sure of the reason why.
  4. 4 points
    Hello, I'm Rekkuza, and I hail from the Land of Bagged Milk AKA Canada. I'm a high school student and I'm French-Canadian. I'm AroAce. I think I always kinda knew, somehow. For as long as I can remember, I always had a profound disinterest in romantic and sexual relashionships. I never stressed about my lack of attraction. I guess I always thought to myself that it would happen one day, when I would be ready, which kinda helped accepting my orientation, I think. When I found out about asexuality and aromanticism, it just made sense. Like, "Oh, I'm aroace. Guess it explain why I never wanted to date. Oh well." So yeah, that wall of text is my story, nice to be here!
  5. 3 points
    Oh for fuck's sake. The entire point is that a QPR is a label chosen by the people involved for a relationship that they feel, as Coyote said, "doesn't fit within societal norms". It's a label used by people who feel their relationship isn't adequately described by any other term available within their social and cultural environment. That is, there's no specific feeling or behaviour or commitment that makes a relationship a QPR; the idea that someone else can define your relationship as "queerplatonic" based on the nature of the relationship is perpetuating the exact amatonormative relationship hierarchy bullshit that the term was coined in opposition to! I personally flat-out refuse to use the term "queerplatonic" for any of my relationships, no matter how far beyond a "normal friendship" they go, because I refuse to accept society's limitations on what can be called a "friendship". The idea that someone might look at one of my friendships and tell me, "Hey, that's actually a QPR!" makes my skin crawl.
  6. 3 points
    I agree with the gray being lighter. I'm very used to the "iconic" aro green and ace purple, so I'm not a huge fan of the green and purple you chose, but I can see it growing on me in the future. Another possible option, (and this might also help to distinguish it from an aroace-as-a-specific-identity flag, would be to use the alternate aro green (and by analogy, make an alternate ace purple)? I'll explain by referencing variation 4 from running.tally's list of flags. Numbering the colors 1-5 from top to bottom, I'd call colors 1 and 5 the primary aro and ace colors because of how widespread their usage is. (And also, most people use only 1 and 5 for making a specific-aroace flag). If instead you opted to use colors 2 and 4 (alternate aro and alternate ace), they'd have some sense of familiarity since they're (well, the alternate aro, at least) found in flags, but also a sense of something new (and if you wanted to read into symbolism, you could say that the choice of alternates is a reminder to talk about the narratives that most people ignore).
  7. 2 points
    So I put together this compilation of descriptions from certain question / answer forums on the internet. These are the more extreme responses and the most romantic that I could find. There were hundreds of more answers that were brief and not nearly this extreme. But I think this clearly shows what a crush is like when it is intense. This is the quintessential meaning of "crush" as it is used by allos. The question of what is a crush like has now been answered in a satisfactory fashion. At least for me! I hope this helps those of you who may have felt confused or curious too at some point. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's been different with different women, but this is how I've been feeling with a certain woman right now. Whenever I hear music, I imagine dancing with her. Whenever I watch a movie, I imagine her by my side, holding my hand. Whenever I see a happy couple on the street, I imagine me and her in their place. When I go to sleep at night, I imagine her next to me and I'm holding her in my arms. The thought of sex is there, but it's on the back burner because it's precluded by the thought of togetherness. Feelings of cooking with her, traveling with her, going to formal events with her where she's wearing a gorgeous dress and I feel damn lucky to have her by my side, having chosen me above all other men. She completely permeates my thoughts and it's a very precarious situation because I don't know what I'd do if she were to say, "No, I won't date you. You're not good enough for me." And for the time being, the only way I know how to cope with that is by drinking. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seeing them smile or hearing them laugh males my heart happy. Being near them feels right. I want to spent time with them. Talk to them. Share experiences with them. Seeing them fall for other people can be utterly soul crushing but I am happy for them. I have to learn to be okay without them even though I've been okay without them so far. Being near them is almost good enough. I want their connection. I want to cuddle with them, kiss them, run my fingers through their hair. Getting to know them is something that I need but it also tears me apart if they don't feel the same for me. It hurts when I think that, to them, I will only ever be a friend. But they're happy. So I have to learn to let go of my idealized imagination of us together and move on. It sitll melts my heart when he smiles, though. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's like a spike of adrenaline in your heart every time you make eye contact with them, like an upspike. It raises your heart. You shiver every time you think about it. Their eyes are these deep pools that are your goal to look into at least once a day, every day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope to have another "crush" soon. When I was younger I loved day dreaming/ dreaming about my "crush's" so much, that I avoided pursuing a lot of them because of the romantic expectations I set day dreaming...But oh, they were heavenly. I am a genuine sap. I feel asleep with my head In the clouds, and a smile on my face. Thinking about you, beautiful. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having a crush makes you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you see them. You feel a sense of happiness when you are around them and laugh at all of their jokes even though some of them are bad. You also tend to lean towards on the positive side of them that you see now and tell everybody how good they are if they were your partner. With the negatives, you ignore them, and skip on to life without first thinking through the red flags shown and the warnings revealed. Also, you have this longing for this special person whom you like. You start changing your decisions, your actions, your words, etc. in order to make a good impression on them. You start making decisions that might draw you closer to your crush and may make witty excuses to be near them. You want to be near them because they make you feel good on the inside. They inspire you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You stay because they’re there, you go because they left. When you have a crush on somebody, you also tend to feel jealous over the slightest male-female interactions that that person has with other people. You become easily jealous if the person whom you like talks to the person of the opposite gender, easily mistaking that person to be someone who is trying to win over your crush. Lastly, having a crush makes your brain wired and focused on them all day when you see them or know their presence. You are conscious that they are there and act differently when they are around, etc. and get turned on by the positive things that they do. It is hard to get turned off unless if that person does something bad to you directly, hurts your friends, etc. You start tuning in with their feelings and also start to find similarities with them, hoping to spark up a lovely conversation with them in which you don’t because there are doubts in your head that pull you back. Simply, seeing them and their face makes you happy in a way that you go crazy over what their life is like. You get really curious as well as watching your own actions, etc. You treat them differently because they made you feel special. They’re different because they have a lot of qualities that you like in a person that it is hard to decline an offer/request to do something or go somewhere with them. Personally, when I have a crush, I experience butterflies in my stomach but my face is neutral. I look uninterested but I express all the possible not-so-obvious signs that I like you. Therefore, if people want to move on to the stage of dating with me, they’ll have to be very patient with me. Personally, I only open up to my closest friends. If my crush happens to be my closest friend, that would be a bonus for me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We played as a group all the summer afternoons. Who knew that some day, when he came to play, I felt really interesting. My heart was beating fast, my face turned red and my palms felt sweaty. My best friend already knew that I was in love and kept teasing me. But I was such a dumbass to understand it. Love is a good feeling, but still It is sad that after that summer I never had the chance to meet him again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having a crush is a crazy feeling. You feel so attached to this person. You can know them very well or not know them at all (I’ve had both happen). The feelings are the same in either situation. You fantasize about the day that you end up together. You fantasize about hanging out with them, talking with them, kissing them, having sex. Some girls I know even fantasize about marriage and children. You want to be with them so badly and you think about them almost 24/7. They pop up in your mind at odd hours of the day. Little things remind you of them and you’ll start fantasizing about what would be happening if they were right there with you. When you do see them, your mind goes a little crazy. You can barely think. Your heart starts beating rapidly, blood rushes to your face, your stomach flutters. Your entire body feels warm and wonderful and terrible in their presence. You want to feel this all the time and you hope that they are feeling it, too. You want to talk with them about anything and everything, but you’re afraid of what you’ll say. Sometimes you won’t say anything at all. Sometimes you’ll get a little loud and crazy and say all the wrong things. Most of the time, you’ll try and avoid them and just stare at their beautiful face from afar. You wonder what it would feel like to have their arms around you, to touch their face, to have your lips on their lips. You wonder what it would feel like to hug them, to touch them, even briefly. You want to know everything about them. And with the internet, you can! (Joking.) You’ll search their name up on Google and follow them on all social media platforms. You’ll stalk their social media, look at posts they're tagged in, stalk their friends. You’ll listen to the music they like, read the books they’ve read. You’ll do everything in your power to get to know them from afar. Because you’re too scared to actually ask them what they like. And you want to be able to say “Oh my goodness I love them, too!” when they pronounce their favorite band. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It feels wonderful, but crushing at the same time. You know you have no chance, but your heart convinces you to believe you have a chance with them You get butterflies in your stomach when talking to them You have a longing to be around/with them You stare at them You imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with them Your heart seems to beat out of your chest when you’re around them You notice the little things about them You constantly think about them Your heart gets this “feeling” around them, and around no one else besides them You can’t help but smile when your with them Seeing them smile makes your day 100% better But if they reject you, you feel like everything is against you You notice the smallest glance between you two You try to make physical contact You’ve been thinking about “them” while reading this. You just know. You get that tingly feeling in your heart. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ive been crushing on this guy at school and hes about 2 years older than me but that doesnt matter. I end up dying whenever he passes by and stalk him somehow on every social media, like I cant freaking stop, its just addicting. Im addicted to him. I told all my friends about him and they always yell my name towards him but of course he doesnt get it, or he just doesnt wanna. Though the summers here I wont see him so my crush on him is kinda dying for now but he’ll be going to grade 12 this upcoming year and I just wanna say atleast a hi until he goes away. Goddamn my hearts jiggly right now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A crush on someone eh...well for one you can't stop thinking about them. Get giddy warm feelings in your chest when they smile at you for the first time (if you never spoke to them ) a crush is just a weird feeling that breaks your heart if you see them with another person. Your friends will tease you about it. Hiding it would be really hard. Denying just kinda hurts. Some romantic songs or books just reminds you of them ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Giddy. Intoxicating. Sometimes surprising. Often unsettling. Frequently accompanied by giddiness, happiness, and/or persistent intrusive thoughts of the person upon whom you have a crush. A little bit scary. A little bit exhilarating. Inspiring, at its best. And, every now and then, life-changing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At first, a crush feels like a swarm of butterflies has just hatched in your stomach and they're trying to escape. It feels like jumping from the top of a waterfall and into the cool, clear, refreshing water on a blazingly humid summer day. It feels like dancing in the rain under a canvas of bright stars and not caring what anyone thinks of your moves. It feels safe and warm and blissful. It is a beautiful dream you never want to wake up from. It feels like you're invincible and speeding down an open highway at 100 miles per hour. It tastes like your first bite of cheery cheesecake after dieting for a year. It is quenching, like an oasis, after walking through the desert with nothing to drink. It is a cool summer breeze. It is the first snowfall. A crush is new and beautiful and fills you with inspiration. Their laugh sounds like music and mundane activities become adventures. You anticipate the time you'll spend together and think of them when you're apart. The world becomes so much more beautiful and your problems will not seem so troubling. You'll find profound meaning in the most trivial of things and everything will feel brand new. There are an infinite amount of new experiences to be had and you'll look forward to everything. It feels like a triumph and reward at the same time. It feels like conquering that scary rollercoaster at the fair- complete with the adrenaline rush. It is wonderful, frightening, exciting, and beautiful. It is rare and fleeting, and perhaps that is what makes it so beautiful. If all goes right, though, it might just turn into love; and love, true love, by far, is the gold at the end of the rainbow; the ultimate prize. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crazy. You'll feel this surge of excitement and happiness everyday when you see them. They give your life a large meaning. When they text or speak to you, you subconsciously listen to every word and remember every single one. You will either feel your heart beat race so high you can't hear anyone else or cant feel anything. Like your heart had just stopped pumping blood already. And all you can do is focus on them and try your best to look cool and stop being awkwardddd. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CRAZY Wait, crazy is an understatement. I mean, I know that it isn't in my control and that makes me paranoid. It makes me happy and paranoid at the same time. Things I do when I have a crush. Stare at him every spare second. I have no shame in being caught staring. It's what having a crush does to me. Not proud of it but I don't think that I regret it either. Contemplate whether or not I should text him. "Will he think I'm being too clingy?" "Nah why would he think that?" After a few seconds.. "No no bad life decision I'm making. I shouldn't do it." And it goes on and on and on. Trying to gain his attention. Which ends up me being embarrassed in front of possibly everyone. It's an accepted collateral damage I think. Planning our future together. Yeah I know. Stupid move. I think way too much. Trust me, I plan way too much. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A crush comes in many ways. Is it just a crush or is it love? A normal crush is thinking someone’s cute or that you enjoy their company more than just a friend. But a crush that has the world *love* in it is a totally different thing. When youre in love, it's very, well, amazing. In some ways. When you're in love, that person suddenly means everything to you. You feel your stomach drop when they're upset or when theyre being too close with someone else. You smile at the simplest things they do, and feel the slight sadness the moment you end the conversation. Love has so many ways and so many definitions, but one thing we always share along, is that when you truly love someone, they're your whole world. It would be a nightmare to lose them. That's what I think about love. It's one of the biggest miracles we have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crush…..Well everyone is different . I'll explain my story . When I was in 7th grade I had a crush on a girl who was just spectacular. She was like a heavenly personality in my eyes . A few things I remember were these : I used to forget what I needed to say to her or someone else in her presence I acted weird around her Hand shakes idk y were really really short My heart used to race When she came close I tried to speak but couldn't At night I used to think what would she be thinking? Now this was very rare but I sometimes thought I saw her while after 2-3 blinks she wasn't there I.e. just in my head.
  8. 2 points
    I have two chevron bracelets I made with the aro and ace flag (it's an arrow pattern). I want to get a shirt or hoodie with aropride ^^
  9. 2 points
    Interesting thread! I think I finally get why I like to hug my parents and brother so much... it must seem weird to them but I'm glad I have this. When I won't live with my parents I will not have this kind of touch again I guess. It's true that it sucks that we can't show affection for our friends without it being coded as "romantic" or "sexual". I can't be touching with people I don't know but with close friends I can; I do it with one because I know she is a touching person, but with another it is more difficult, maybe because he is of the opposite gender. Though I don't think he would be bother, he know I'm aro, and he is as weird as me.
  10. 2 points
    I have two lobe piercings in each ear + a rook piercing in my left ear. I want to get a daith or tragus piercing in my right ear next, and I've been thinking about tattooing a ribbon/bow around my wrist Also, all of the mods in this thread sound super cool!!
  11. 2 points
    I had one once (under an unrelated name) and I may have even ranted there about it. But I shut it down a good 5-6 years ago due to lack of traffic. I could start a new topic later today, if there's interest... where do you think it would be most suitable (as it's not exactly on-topic)?
  12. 2 points
    There's a lot to respond to here, so I'm not going to be able to touch on everything. This video starts "Love. Everyone wants it." As you might imagine, I generally disagree with this alarmist, sensationalist video and the 5 other amatonormative assertions it makes without any evidence. The first video you linked made this assertion (and many others) several times without any evidence at all. People not wanting long term relationships is probably the biggest reason there are fewer long term relationships. I think the lack of interest in long term relationships is due to macroeconomic effects making long term relationships harder for people that it was a generation or two ago, not dating apps. Doesn't the prevalence of dating apps suggest that people are, at least, theoretically interested in romance and trying to pursue it more? I've never felt romantic attraction, but I have a feeling that most alloromantics wouldn't describe it like this. Or at least, a healthy version of romance like this. Birth rates aren't the same as marriage or relationships. Admittedly, they're often seen as linked in Western society, but I've heard that birth rates are lower in developed countries because of things like health care, and I don't think health care is greatly affecting marriage, relationships, or the way people view marriage and relationships. I mean, long term, unhealthy romantic relationships can also make the people involved less happier in life. This feels like a very empty statement to me. No, no it's not. Another unbacked assertion. Wanting children is different from romance and marriage. You can have both at once, or just one or the other, or neither. Well, there're the legal advantages you get from being married, like tax breaks, hospital visiting rights, health care, financing and loans. Some people want to solidly, officially, legally declare that someone is very important to them. There are also social benefits, like people not asking you when you're going to get married. I don't know what you mean by "logical" in this context. Do you mean that, one could use a rigorous mathematical framework to deduce that one alternative is better to others? That framework would certainly have to take into account that individual's personal tastes and preferences, because some people might want to raise children in a romantic relationship, while other people might not. It would also have to take into account the economic and legal situation, because adopting or raising children can be more difficult for unmarried people. In short, I don't think that anyone can say that one approach to raising children is better than the other in general; this is only answerable in very specific, well-defined circumstances. This reads to me like you're saying that aros have it easier in life because we don't have to deal with romantic/relationship problems, which isn't really the case. There are aros that want/enjoy/partake in relationships, and sometimes they have those troubles as well. And there are lots of blog posts on the internet about aros complaining about their friends meeting someone new and letting the friendship die. Who is this "we"? Humans as a whole? I think that there's a toxicity to how romantic relationships are expected to be the sole provider of all emotional support and fulfillment, yes. But I also think that people who want to pursue romance should be allowed to, even if they'll fail some of the time. I think that's up to the individual. Is society as a whole going to collapse because of social media and dating apps? Considering that online dating has been around since the 1990s, probably not.
  13. 2 points
    "Kissing is gross, you just mash your food-holes together!"
  14. 2 points
    If you're asking your friends what crushes are supposed to feel like If you're mis-identifying as bi or pan If you assume everyone is just exaggerating If you don't know how to flirt/don't know when someone's flirting with you If you assume people want romantic relationships because they're like Mega Friendships (I assumed this and was surprised to find out that there's some other element to it)
  15. 1 point
    Hi everyone, I joined this forum a couple weeks back, but I have only now gotten around to writing an introduction. I am 20 years old and from the Netherlands (who would have guessed from the title). About a year ago I discoverd the wonderful term 'aromantic' and ever since I have been trying to figure out what my specific identity is (I think lithro). Figuring out my identity has been a bumpy ride but hopefully this forum can help me become more confident in my orientation. I started thinking about being aromantic when I was asked on a date by a colleague. At first I was excited (I would finally also have a relationship like I'm supposed to), but after maybe 5 hours I started freaking out and everything in me did absolutely not want to go on that date. I did not go on the date in the end, which lead to a lot of awkward tension between me and my colleague and everyone feeling sorry for him. I felt like something was wrong with me and I vaguely remembered reading something about aromanticism on tumblr, so I looked that up and everything clicked. It was really great to discover that I am not alone and not broken. Looking back, all the clues where there but the term was missing. I have been blessed with a very understanding best friend who has supported me and listened to me, but as an alloro she does not really understand how I feel. I am really glad to know that I am not alone and I cannot wait to interact with people who understand me! Have a great day / evening / night 💚
  16. 1 point
    Similarly, I think that Monogamy is not human nature, but cultural. So this situation is hopeful to change! Monogamy... I mean amatonormativity or the tendency about binary relationship.
  17. 1 point
    I like weddings as a celebration and cause I get the opportunity to spend time with friends and relatives and make new one (both friends and relatives haha). My sister got married last year, it was fun and cool, no-one annoyed me with questions. I liked the preparation, helping to choose a dress, a bouquet, a cake. Btw, sorry for the offtopic, this thing was really helpful for me https://www.poptop.uk.com/blog/wedding-bouquet-ideas-what-to-choose/. So, I like all this fuss, but being a bride? No thanks.
  18. 1 point
    Monogamy may be sexual, social, structural or emotional. None of these require the relationship to be romantic. Other non -romantic ways in which you can see binary relationships lionised include "platonic soulmates", the singular "best friend", even the idea that one-to-one interactions are "easier" than groups. There appears to be a social expectation that people will "grow out of" group relationships. Even though this is self evidently false. I've seen this kind of idea in quite a few places. Including solo poly, single at heart and, even, aro. I think, even for an extreme introvert, it's not practical or sensible.
  19. 1 point
    (i, uh , think it fit here ? I hope ) I wonder how many members speak a language other than english. How do you say "aromantic" in these language? And how is the "aromantic related" vocalubary? Just curious. For exemple, i speak french. - aromantic = aromantique (we also use aro) - split attraction model (sam) = modèle d'attirances séparées (mas) - woven aro = aro tissé(e) - oriented aroace = aroace orienté(e) - angled aroace = aroace angulaire - arophobia and aromisia = arophobie et aromisie - amatonormativity = amatonormativité - polyamorous = polyamoureux / polyamoureuse - nonamorous = nonamoureux / nonamoureuse - aro spectrum : spectre aro - aspec = spectre a (i guess ? ) - queerplatonic relationship = relation queerplatonique - platonic = platonique - sol'aro and prim' aro stay the same, but unit aro is "aro unitaire" (things like "demiromantic" , "greyromantic" etc are the same more or less ) (i probably forgot some things. Maybe i will edit later if needed ) But to be honest, we often use the english words haha (off topic, but we still use "ace" or "queer" even is that don't make sense in french.) ( I also want to learn walloon but right now i don't know much about it. I don't even know if anything was said about it in this language ) What about you?
  20. 1 point
    Speaking of this, is there much consensus on a term to refer to the whole community? I’ve always used “arospec” and “aro spectrum” as a broad term that referred to anyone who fell under the aromantic umbrella (handle aros as well as demiros, greyros, etc).
  21. 1 point
    Both of those sound like what I think they were saying there -- there's different social standards applied to same-gender touching for women vs. men, and I think it may be standard for people to befriend more people of their own gender, while also (if they're straight) only ever getting romantically/sexually involved with men (as women) or women (as men). However, I think there's an additional consideration here, because I was also interested in the part mentioning "both sexes prefer to be touched by women more than by men." That part seems to be attributed to these two citations: Crawford, C. B. (1994). Effects of sex and sex roles on same-sex touch. Perceptual and Motor Skills,78, 391–394. doi:10.2466=pms.1994.78.2.391 Willis, F. N., & Rawdon, V. A. (1994). Gender and national differences in attitudes toward same-gender touch. Perceptual and Motor Skills,78, 1027–1034. doi:10.2466=pms.1994.78.3.1027 I don't have access to these, although it's possible to look up their abstracts. They're probably light on explanation anyway. But if left to guess, I'd figure that in the U.S., even straight women prefer same-gender touch because generally speaking, men don't bother to make themselves seem as safe or approachable. Also who knows how any of these results would look if they bothered to invite or account for nonbinary participants.
  22. 1 point
    I'll do my best! Can't promise it'll be perfect but hey. So here's a def I'm stealing from AUREA: and here's a coinage post just for kicks. Really, alterous is not overall specifically defined - the general consensus is that it's an attraction or relationship based on emotional closeness that might not necessarily be romantic or platonic. (Overall, similar to QPR, but not as common or neatly defined, usually? A lil more wiggle room and less connotation, imo.) Possibly sexual, possibly nah, really up to you! Here's a couple opinions on how the two differ: one, two (i'm gonna note since it's toward thread top that i don't agree with the idea that QPRs are always non-sexual before anyone starts coming @me) Hey, you're still normal! Just not straight. I just left a romo relationship and figured out that hey, I don't want that and then hated myself for not feeling more attached - so I get it. But just because it's more complicated in an amatonormative world doesn't mean you won't figure it out.
  23. 1 point
    I can understand what you mean here. Currently I have my sexuality listed as Asexual and Aegosexual. But before that it said something like "Heterosexual??Asexual?? I don't knowww" and honestly I still don't know. I've never experienced sexual attraction as far as I know but aromanticism is certainly a way bigger part of my identity. Sometimes I wonder if my aromanticism gets in the way of me feeling sexual attraction if I do actually experience it. It's just way too confusing for me! When I went to pride, I bought only aromantic merchandise and no asexual merch. My aromantic identity matters way more to me perhaps because it makes more sense to me than asexuality. I don't experience romantic attraction and I'm fairly certain that I never will. But sexual attraction is a whole bag of tricks that I don't want to get into. So honestly if someone asked me my sexuality I'd probably just say "I'm aromantic" and leave the asexual part out. I'd only ever talk about my confusing sexuality if the topic specifically came up. But to start, I'm just aromantic and that's all people need to know about me unless I should decide to tell them otherwise.
  24. 1 point
    Interresting. It look like anxiety to me 😅 (also, sometime i get those "butterflies" . When i feel… things ? Sometime it happen and sometime it don't, i don't know how to explain. It can be fear , or happiness, or wonder. It's not always related to someone )
  25. 1 point
    I always use English words, but I don't go on French websites this often. Not about aromanticism, but asexuals use the letter A instead of ace.
  26. 1 point
    maybe having more boxes being more specific is not the way...maybe just replace 'sexuality' with 'orientation' or some other similar word. I do think 'Romanticism is useful being separate but then there are all the people who do not separate....maybe get rid of 'Romanticism' and 'Sexuality' altogether and just have one box for whatever people choose to use in whatever way they choose to label their orientation. @Coyote yeah, we talked about how I made my boxes into a pyramid shape 😃 but I realise now that if I pass 999 posts the shape will be messed up. And the system as it is now is structured to support those who separate their sexuality and romanticism, with no mixing or other shared augmentation types of things.
  27. 1 point
    I made myself a spotify playlist with songs I thought were aro-themed. While there are other aro playlists on spotify this one's more to my style
  28. 1 point
    pretty repulsed. being on the receiving end of romantic affection or even attraction makes me uncomfortable, as does pretending to reciprocate it--i don't do that anymore and i'm not open to a romantic relationship even if there are other aspects of it i would enjoy. as for other couples and fiction, it's not a huge deal, usually just kind of weird, boring, or annoying.
  29. 1 point
    A best friend platonic relationship (remember how close you (possibly) were with your best friend(s) at school), well ideally I want that level of intimate platonic relationship; however happy to work out a QPR also. Basically depends on the circumstances. This is me all over. I want the closeness of childhood friendships that society has relegated by prioritising romantic relationships. Basically, friendships but before they were sidelined by other commitments (that are usually romantic relationship based). @Mirrorreaper The change in society to small family units based on monogamous romantic pairings is really interesting to reflect on, and I also wonder if this arrangement then aggravates the problem because the romantic couples are straining to work independently as a unit and then feel like they have to prioritise their friendships to concentrate on this. It would be nice to see some research in this.
  30. 1 point
    For me, the colours are more saturated on my phone. It's not just brightness. Right now i am on my laptop and it look alright. But again, that's just me ^^ That being said, maybe the grey could be just a bit lighter, i agree.
  31. 1 point
    I like Cristal Gris solution. I'm not out to my father because I know he wouldn't understand. But I don't think it would change my relationship with him if I do : he would just think it's a phase, that I'll change my mind... in a more agressive way than how my mother did but because he is like that with things he doesn't get. He is the type of person who think people can't be happy if they has not what he want to have. But after that it would say that it would say the same between us, just that je would not put the same words on it. And remember : you can't be wrong for coming out, only your parents can be wrong in their reaction
  32. 1 point
    today's mood: tired web developer, in need of assistance or coffee.
  33. 1 point
    Ideal relationship: A friendship with sensual and emotional "benefits" that places more emphasis on connection than time spent together ( I need personal space). Not sure if that would count as a qpr? Haha Most of the time I want as little interaction with others as possible though . I love spending the majority of my time alone
  34. 1 point
    Hey I’m new here and found this after I recently found out about the Aromatic and Asexual community I’m 12- about to be 13 and going into 7th grade all my (mostly lgbtq) friends are getting crushes and dates I’m not sure if I’m aro or just a late bloomer any help or forms you guys can point me to
  35. 1 point
    Twilight. Bella wants to alienate herself from the entire human civilisation and become a blood-sucking demonic entity to please her romantic partner. She's an idiot, yet the viewer is supposed to empathise with her. Also, whenever I see in a movie a character despairing because he's away from his girlfriend, I always think: why doesn't he just visit a prostitute? The sex would be the same, or perhaps better since a P is more experienced 😉 @DeltaV, I never heard of the Mars curse but that's a cool concept. I really enjoyed the Martian and John Carter is a nostalgic visit to the world of 1920s sci-fi. Also cool, despite the romantic subplot which doesn't make sense. Humans and Martians would be separate species, so they shouldn't mate with each other.
  36. 1 point
    @Coyote What I meant is that there are aromantics who don't realize it in society, and that for some of them, learning that aromanticism is a thing is the only thing that will get them out of feeling like they have something wrong with them and are alone in that way, and visibility is necessary for them to learn about it.
  37. 1 point
    YMBAI when your answer to the ideal partner is stuttering and being left blank. This happened to me in my psychology class in which we were going over the topic "love and marriage". The teacher asked all of us to put down our ideal partner and well I mange to come up with one thing after thinking for a while competitive. Couldn't come up with anything else. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  38. 1 point
    there is always that decision of whether or not to use the word, and it depends on the situation for me, but mostly i do, because that's what you'd do for any other orientation. like i haven't heard anyone say they're interested in relationships with people of more than one gender; they say they're bi/pan. for us it will usually involve some more explaining but i am generally happy to do that. because that's how i found out about aromanticism, right--i read about it, and if someone hadn't put that out there, who knows how long i would have not known and what that could have led to. so it's good for (questioning) aros as well as allos. but of course whether and how you come out is a personal decision.
  39. 1 point
    As much as I think we need more visibility, I don't think anyone should feel like they have to come out to promote the visibility of their orientation. It wouldn't be a bad reason, but I don't want anyone to feel pressured to come out, for any reason. That being said, I'm out to most of my friends, and some of my acquaintances and I won't lie, the reason I tend to be so out while at school in particular is in part because I'm an education major and my classmates really need to know this stuff. They rarely know anything about my sexual and romantic orientations especially, and I figure if they're going to be aphobic, they might as well do it to someone like me who can tell them why they need to stop, and not to one of their future students.
  40. 1 point
    technically the gender-neutral form of "boy" or "girl" is "kid" but I'm not sure that "kid" really fills the lexical gap you're looking at. I guess "Pal", "Buddy" or, "Friendo" could be used in a similar way, but you'll sound like a TV dad from the 1950's so pick your poison I guess.
  41. 1 point
    On surveys like these I always put atheist or non religious, because that's what I am. It always feels a little bit weird though since my family is conservative Christian, and I go to a Baptist private school. I've been an atheist for about a year and no one knows that so I still have to go to church and all of that. So when I answer these kind of questions, I wonder if I should answer what I really believe or what I practice, if that makes sense. Oh well, it won't be an issue for much longer. I move out in August.
  42. 1 point
    I don’t like ANY of you people romantically, to be honest! In a reaction to my romantic friends talking about there attraction. With me casually shouting out in public... It makes sense in context.
  43. 1 point
    I believe there's a term for what you're describing, though I forgot it. I'd recommend looking at this, though: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/
  44. 1 point
    I see romance being more about feeling and motivation, rather than actions. I don't think it's quite that simple, given that there are monogamous aros, but allos do often seem to struggle a lot with non-monogamous relationships. I don't see these as intrinsically romantic. Instead as things I enjoy where romantic coding is a serious problem. I also don't see this as intrinsically romantic, though it dosn't interest me in slightest. This appears to be good match with romantic attraction, but some aros appear to want the same. Sort of agree, though more find these things silly. I'd say it's more the desire to be in a couple (or triad, quad, etc). To want to be seen as that and to merge lives/identities/finances/etc.
  45. 1 point
    YMBAI you just noticed that the other kids had already started dating, like you saw on TV, when you were like 15 (I was, and am, kinda antisocial). YMBAI you really loved the ending of Pacific Rim because the romantic interest couple didn't kiss, and hugged instead. YMBAI you always loved Disney movies, but never understood all the fuss about love and just accepted it as something invented or exaggerated, since they are fairy tales anyway.
  46. 1 point
    What you said is true, however they say it in the way meaning that we are only calling ourselves 'aromantic' as an excuse for 'not being able to get a date'. They are blatantly calling us liars.
  47. 1 point
    In middle school some "friends" of mine started talking about their weddings and I'm sitting here like??? But you're not even dating anyone??? Have you even though about how much it will cost?????
  48. 1 point
    Speaking of Disney/Pixar movies, I always see Merida from Brave as aro. The whole conflict is her not wanting to get married. Granted, you can say it's just because she's too young and not interested in any of the potential suitors etc. but I choose to see her as fundamentally uninterested in romance.
  49. 1 point
    YMBAI you wanted a relationship, but when you started trying it just felt wrong and boring to you
  50. 1 point
    You might be aro if you don't understand how most people seem to have crushes all the time... Or if you thought you were just picky when it came to crushes..
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