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Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/11/2019 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    Hi @TripleA. I will say this bluntly because I'm not sure you've understood where others who have said this are coming from. You've formed your opinion based on information that is outdated, incomplete, and/or not representative of the community. The aro community has discussed this many times. It is fact that within the aro community, the word "aromantic" has two meanings: Experiencing no romantic attraction ever, at all, zero times (the definition you're familiar with) An umbrella term for people who do not experience romance or romantic attraction in the ways conventionally put forth by society, whether this is in terms of how often the attraction is felt, the circumstances behind the feeling, or the behaviours connected with the feeling Identities are never fixed because human beings are fluid. Identity terminology, especially orientation terminology, is descriptive and not prescriptive. X-sexual or X-romantic indicate tendencies toward whatever fills the X slot. They do not indicate a rule that, upon being broken, can no longer be used as an identifier. A person who is heterosexual that had one crush on someone of their same gender but had 20+ crushes on people of their opposite are not necessarily bisexual because of one experience. For some people, the exception does change the rule, because the person and their identity have changed. For others, the exception does not change the rule; it's an exception because human beings aren't robots bound to identifiers and If/Then statements. If someone says they are aromantic and they have experienced romantic attraction before, you have no right to be saying "Yeah, but if that was me, I wouldn't use the label aromantic." Perhaps that's how you define aromanticism for yourself, and that is fine, but you cannot say "Oh everyone is valid" and then proceed to tell those people that they are wrong. You draw the line between aro and alloro for yourself in a particular way. You should not say that this line is the correct line or should be the correct line. The aro community as a whole welcomes anyone who fundamentally feels that they belong in this community, because chances are, regardless of how many times someone has felt romantic attraction in their life, if they are feeling alienated from alloromantics or from typical romantic narratives, they feel they belong in the aro community. We as a community don't believe that we should define a line for everyone. At least that's what I've noticed about inclusive queer communities in general. We don't define the line. What we do is provide examples of others' experiences with drawing the line so that questioning folks can decide where their line is and whether they identify with our community. It is true that some grey and demi folks, for example, don't view themselves as being part of the aro community. Sometimes they feel they fit better in the alloro community, sometimes in neither or in-between. Ultimately, identity is relative and completely personal. Words and categories of identity never have hard lines and boxes. It's impossible. Even in sciences where we think lines and categories are very clear, you'll find that nature is not that easy to put in a box. Language is always approximation. And when feelings are involved, there is no aromantic experience that is shared by everyone in the exact same way, even for the aros who fit definition 1. Fact is, drawing a line between aro and alloro, and placing greyros, on an expansive scale is prescriptive and will never be correct. It's impossible. Lines and categories for things are always arbitrary, because nature is not and never will be black and white. TL;DR: Labels are not for other people to categorize someone, they are for someone to sit themselves in relation to others. People are getting frustrated with you because you seem like you are trying to pass your opinion off as more correct than others', since, to you, it is. You can't be correct because no one can be correct, because the aro community is not trying to define an aro/alloro line on a large scale. Having conversations about this is unproductive and only serves to make some people feel excluded.
  2. 6 points
    Exactly my sentiment. We're never going to have the same feeling or experiences, so we can only say: "oh I'm closer to this group, their experiences resonate with me", whether the group in question is aromantics or alloromantics. If people identify with aromantic experiences, which generally include no romantic attraction, no interest in romantic relationships, etc., then no one should say that they're wrong about how they feel, even if they have in their lives experienced a crush for example. We wouldn't we?? Again, if they feel that their experiences are closer to aromantic experiences... And people have really various experiences and their own reasons for identifying with aromanticism or greyromanticism. "As often" or "not conforming to cultural norms" are also very subjective. And I do relate to some of their experiences, so what? I also don't relate to all of other aromantics' experiences that concern their relationship with romance. We're all not the same. Oh boy, what makes you think you're the judge on this, that only you have the correct answer to everything? And it's not perfectly accurate for every aromantic, see for example: me. I have no idea where this fear comes from - (sarcasm) maybe from the aromantics who wish they could feel romantic attraction, bc then they'd be able to fulfill the very rewarding narrative that most of the world believes in..?? (/sarcasm) Aromanticism is not a very attractive narrative in the world that we live in and idk why people who don't see themselves seen, their experiences finally represented by this narrative would suddenly decide "oh yes, this is what I'm gonna call myself now, because...". I just can't see a reason why they'd do that. Ofc, and you and I aren't the same and no one on this forum is the same! We're all here, bc we feel this bundle of experiences is the most similar to ours. Have you considered: we genuinely believe this this is the right way to see things for us, just like the right way according to you is comparing everyone to your own experience of aromanticism and deciding if they're aro or not. We're never gonna be the same and have the same experiences, and I'd rather be more inclusive than play the judge and exclude someone who could use the community with their feelings about romance. I just don't see a point too. Discussions like those take a lot of energy, resources and time that could be better spend imo. Agreed
  3. 4 points
    Ok, my question must sound weird as most of the time, allo are the one who clearly has no empathy for us. Also when I say "we", I mean in general, it aims at no one in particular. The thing is : from what I read sometimes, it seems aro has difficulties to understand romantic feelings and heartbreaks, for obvious reasons. Also, as we have a lot of bad experiences with them when they don't try to understand us, which leads us to be on defensive sometimes. However, I think it leads us to be rude, in particular when allo come on an aro website to seek advice with an aro person. For instance, I saw some comments saying things like they are wrong to feel the way they feel. While I think we should try to understand why they react this way instead of blame them, the same way they try to understand us. (I'm of course talking of allos who are not reacting as jerks when someone say they are aros, but people who try to get it, like people who are in a Relationship with an aro for instance and are trying to make things right). I'd add that this not only an aro thing. For instance, I saw in aces community people being completely unsympathetic (is that a word?) with allosexuals. Some people in a romantic relationship with an allo, who want their partner to understand them but will never make an effort to do the same (well, I Don't think we reach this point and I hope we never will, but that's it). I don't know for you, but sometimes this lack of empathy makes me uncomfortable. I'm wondering if it is just me, or if this is something we should work on? Because clearly, we can't expect people to understand how we feel if we don't try to do the same.
  4. 3 points
    Firstly, I hate threads like this. The written language is so limited and we all need to look after each other in that way. Isn't greyromantic (including any grey-attraction covered by this like demi) RARE attraction. And as such they have much more in common with us than the average alloromantic. They are not alloromantic in that way because the large part of their life IS aromantic and their life is affected accordingly. That is why they are included because they actually have more in common with aromantism than with regular alloromantics and as such we all need to be supportive of each other in an inclusive manner. In some ways it is seriously wrong to lump them as alloromantics because the larger portion of their life is aro and it's not for us to question this. As for the flag, it could actually be argued against a million different individual flag labels and to just have one that reflects the whole non- cishet "social normal". That doesn't mean I'm arguing against any individual flag here, I'm just trying to make the inclusive point.
  5. 3 points
    This is also the case for "you're not the right kind of queer/aromantic/trans/etc". That's before considering "twue aro" metrics which only apply to minority of aros.
  6. 2 points
    I'm an ARO who is having a hard time coping. I get people who keep telling me that there's no such thing as ARO, and how I just never met the one. Nobody understands and I'm feeling depression from this lack of acceptance. My late mother's friend is really on my shit list right now. She's telling me this shit how I could one day find somebody that will change me and how I'm "going to scare him away with a label". How I'm "letting labels and living in the past" hold me back. Back from what? A romantic relationship I never wanted?! This is my response: "People keep giving me this unsolicited advice on what to do with my body and sexuality-"wait for the one", "save it for somebody special", things my brain is just not wired for. There's never going to be that magical right person who is going to come along and change me. People need to accept that. My sexuality isn't anybody else's problem. Anybody who gets scared away is a person who isn't worth having in my life anyway. Even before I knew this term "aromantic", I had the feeling something was up when for as long as I can remember, I was sexually attracted to boys and wanted to make out with them, but I never wanted anything beyond friendship and never had any desire for romantic relationships. I never felt romantic attraction and you can't change an ARO anymore than you can change a homosexual.". I'm never going to change. I'm 28 years old and always felt this way. I can't force myself to feel ways I'm not wired to feel. I even had moments where I wished I would die cause of people's comments making me feel defective and bad about myself.
  7. 2 points
    I'm hoping this is the right place to put this. If not tell me and I'll move it. So recently after discovering and reading about QPRs I thought that some characters I ship romantically could also suit being in a QPR. I enjoy reading fanfiction so I looked online to see if I could find any fics where they are in a QPR and lo and behold nothing! So now I want to write it myself since I'm desperate for this. I've never been in a QPR before so I'm asking people who have been in one: 1. What do you do in a QPR? Any particular activities? 2. How did you come to be in a QPR? 3. How do you personally describe a QPR? Also! if you have any other information you think could be useful feel free to share!
  8. 2 points
    I haven't known anyone get into a relationship like this (including myself). So, no, not common IME.
  9. 2 points
    Well, I had to check the maths. Assuming he dropped 10 petals into the hat for a 10 digit phone number, that would make 10x9x8x7x6x5x4x3x2 possible permutations, which is (approximately) 3.6 million, like she said 👍 But if some of the digits were the same it would be less than that, so her statement is a bit imprecise in the sense that she only gave an upper bound on the permutations that result in a distinct number, which is what's relevant here 👎
  10. 2 points
    I know there's been a fair bit of research done on how portrayals of love in the media distort expectations, e.g.: https://hyrmina.com/paper/77580c7344e348268a031bf742ff5671 http://web.archive.org/web/20120210050418/http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/3776923/Romantic-comedies-make-us-unrealistic-about-relationships-claim-scientists.html This kind of research isn't strictly about aromanticism, but it does give plenty of evidence about the pervasive and powerful impact of media on our concepts of what love is, and what kinds of relationships society tells us everybody should be striving towards. I think it'd be pretty reasonable to speculate in your paper that this pressure to have a movie-like romance hits people who don't want relationships at all even harder.
  11. 2 points
    I’m starting to think that my tendency to hide in a music practice room for 80% of my undergrad basically insulated me from the BS. Your story of the Spanish class does remind of me an awkward experience in back Business School though, as a brainstorming activity in one of the classes involved attempting to reinvent speed dating with a group, and the two of us who were queer-identified in one way or another were not comfortable outing ourselves to some dudebro cishet business students, so the whole exchange was hella awkward. I also used to say that music was the love of my life, and that I’d love to marry my job, and people always reacted with pity, saying “that’s so sad!” I don’t get what’s sad about loving your craft, or what’s sad about not seeking a romantic partner, so those interactions were mostly just confusing.
  12. 2 points
    http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/ Originally posted by Amy Ghost in the link above at AVEN and copied here. Enjoy! Orientations Abroromantic - Is someone who experiences a fluid or rapidly changing romantic attraction to different gender expressions. Acoromantic - Is someone whose negative experiences with romance has alienated them from their allo-romanticism. Adfecturomantic/Affecturomantic/Adfectual/Adfomantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction is affected by their neurodivergency. Alloromantic/Zedromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to other people. Also commonly just called a “romantic person.” Alterous - Is someone who can't be described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic). Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic. More examples: Androalterous/Manalterous* - Alterous attraction to men and/or masculinity. Gynealterous/ Womanalterous* - Alterous attraction to women and/or femininity. Panalterous - Alterous attraction towards people regardless of sex and gender. Polyalterous - Alterous attraction towards people of more than one multiple sexes and gender, yet not all. Heteroalterous - Alterous attraction towards the opposite sex or gender. Androromantic -Is someone who is romantically attracted to masculinity, the male sex and male identifying/presenting people. Apathromantic (The root word being Apathy) - Is someone whose orientation form of "romance indifferent" which can also be used as a title. It does not distinguish if the person does or does not have romantic attraction, but just that they are indifferent in receiving it or acting it out. Apothiroromantic - Is someone who (also known as anti-romantic, or romance repulsion) is an aromantic that does not experience any romantic attraction whatsoever, in any shape or form, and is romance-repulsed. They do not wish to be in any type of romantic relationship. Apresromantic - Is someone who only experiences a romantic attraction after another form of attraction is felt. The original attraction may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction. Aroflux - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum & is defined as..... someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates but always stays on the aro spectrum. (ex. one day you're demiro, another day lithro, the next aro, etc) someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates from, experiencing romantic attraction, some romantic attraction, & experiencing no romantic attraction. some people who are aroflux feel as if they are alloromantic at times, while other aroflux people don't feel that way. aroflux people can be romance repulsed, romance indifferent / neutral/apathetic towards romance, or romance positive. & can have any sexual orientation. Aromantic - Is someone who does not feel romantic attraction. Arovague - Is someone whose status as an aromantic is uncertain or affected by mood. Autochorisromantic/Aegoromantic - Is someone who enjoys the idea of romance, but not wishing to be a participant in romantic activities (based off of autochorissexual / a disconnection between oneself and a romantic target or fantasy). Bellusromantic - Is someone who is fine with cute fluffy stuff with anyone but you don't want a relationship at all / not necessarily arospec identity, similar to nonamory. The prefix comes from the Italy “bella” meaning “pretty.” Biromantic - Is someone who enjoys behavior typically associated with dating and love, like cuddling, hugging, gift-giving, love notes, but probably not kissing, etc. and enjoys it with two sexes or genders. Borearomantic - Is someone who has a set romantic orientation but with an exception. Burstromantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction comes and goes but does not specify if it has a reason or not. Caedromantic - Is someone who used to experience romantic attractions, but no longer does due to past trauma. Cupioromantic - Is someone who is described as aromantic (people who never experience romantic attraction) who still desire a romantic relationship. Is a subset of aromantic. Demiromantic - Is someone who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. Demiromantics do not experience primary romantic attraction, but they are capable of secondary romantic attraction. Frayromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards strangers and people you are less familiar with, which fades away when you get to know them more Grayromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. For example, a gray-romantic may: Experience romantic attraction but not very often. But when so, it is usual strong attraction. Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships. Also used as a catch-all for other non aromantic, non alloromantic/zedromantic orientations, like demiromantic and lithromantic. Gyneromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to femininity, the female sex and female identifying/presenting people. Heteroromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the oppostite sex or gender in a romantic way. Homoromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the same sex or gender in a romantic way. Hyperromantic - is someone who is extremely or excessively romantic. Hyporomantic - Hypo is from Greek and means low. Quite the opposite of Hyper. And as Hyposexual mean low sex-drive, this is it's romantic synonym. Low romantic drive. Idemromantic - Is someone who does not internally experience romantic and platonic attraction differently; they distinguish between romantic and platonic based on other factors. "Idem" means "the same" in Latin. Idemromantic people categorize their interest in others as romantic instead of platonic based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. However, their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend or beloved family member. They may pursue platonic, quasiplatonic, romantic, or no relationships. Lithromantic/Aporomantic/Akoi(ne)romantic - Is someone who can feel a romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy romantic relationships in theory, but not needing that affection to be reciprocated or be in a relationship with the one the feelings are directed towards. Either that, or they may stop feeling the attraction once in a relationship or stop enjoying it. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "litho." It was first coined referring to Lesbian Butch culture and some lesbians object to it being appropriated to describe a sexuality/romanticism. Nebularomantic - Is someone who has a hard time or cannot tell romantic attraction apart from platonic due to being quoiroromantic or due to their neurodivergency. Noviromantic - Is someone who experiences a complicated romantic attraction (or lack thereof) such that they do not feel it can be described in a single term Omniaromantic - Is someone who feels no romantic attraction whatsoever. In no way, shape, or form do they fall in love or feel any attraction to anyone. They are completely non-romantic, and will not fall in love no matter how long they stay with someone or any other factor that could/would lead to a romantic interest in any other type of aromantic or alloromantic relationships. They do not wish to be in any romantic relationships,are not attracted to anyone. (Excepting experimentation.) They are asensual, have no aesthetic attraction to others, and no squishes. They can experience platonic love or familial love, though not all do so. This term was made to made a distinguish between being on the aromantic spectrum and specify from the common definition of a aromantic person, since saying someone is "aromantic" could mean they could be demiromantic, gray-aromantic, and such other types of aromantics who do feel sensual, have aesthetic attraction and such. Panromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the others sex or gender. Panromantics will tend to feel that their partner's sex and/or gender does little to define their relationship. Placioromantic - Is someone who feels little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts performed on them but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else. Not necessarily arospec, but a useful term for the community. The prefix for this term comes from the Latin word “placere” meaning “to please.” Polyromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards people of more than one sex or gender, but not all. Unlike panromantic, this term implies that sex or gender is still a factor in attraction, and it does not imply the gender binary as biromantic does. Post rubor - Is someone who quickly gets crushes/squishes/etc on others, but after the initial excitement of said crush/etc vanishes so do their feelings. Proquuromantic - Is someone masculine who only experiences romantic attractions to those perceived as also being masculine. Quasiromantic - Is someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc. Queerplatonic - A queerplatonic relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all. Quoiromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic or Whatromantic or Platoniromantic. Recipromantic - Is someone who only feels romantic attraction only if the other person feels romantic attraction to them at first. If there is no one around to feel romantic attraction to them, largely recipromantics may feel like simply defining themselves as aromantic describes their experiences just fine. Requi(es)romantic - Is someone who feels little to no romantic attraction due to some mental or emotional exhaustion, the exhaustion might have been caused by bad experiences of romance during that person's history. Sapioromantic - Is someone who is attracted to intelligence or human minds. Schromantic - Is someone who is aromantic and romantic at the same time, or some mix of the two. (A term used here on AVEN) (describing romanticism in terms of Schrödinger’s cat as having the possibility of being romantic and aromantic at the same time). Skilo/Ceteroromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards non-binary genders. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "skolio." It is very similar to "scolio," which means crooked, twisted or bent. Lately the prefix "cetero" has started to be used instead of "skolio." Transromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to people that they perceive as being transgender. Related Helpful Terms Amatonormativity - A tendency of society to treat romantic relationships as more valuable than non-romantic ones. Aromate - A platonic friend who’s pretty much your soul-mate but in a friend way. you’d totally hold their hand and take them out to movies though. In other words Aromantic partner. Lush - A sensual equivalent of a squish or crush. Nonamory - Not wanting to form romantic relationships no matter one's orientation. Peach Fuzz - When people in queer platonic relationships pretend their partnership is a romantic one to stave off questions from family and friends. Plush - Queer platonic crush, strong desire to join in a qeer platonic relationship with someone. Soft Romo - Low level romance/romantic attraction/crush/etc. Smush - A sexual crush aka Lust. Swish - An aesthetic crush. Squish - In the asexual community, the equivalent of a "crush", but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a sexual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are "in a relationship", as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from "just wanting to be friends" in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back. ~From Urban Dictionary~
  13. 1 point
    I used to think I was special because I could decide to have crushes and cancel them whenever I felt like it. I could even crush on someone for a single day, if I wanted to, then stop the next day. All my friends thought this was strange, because you can not control crushes and they are supposed to last a while. When they told me this, I just assumed they had less self-control than me... Another early sign: I really want children, and as far back as I can remember, I have always said that they were more important to me than having a partner. I have said many times that it doesn't matter if I am a single parent, I just want children. I never fantasised about my future partner, but my childhood diaries are full of names for my future children, imagining their personalities, etc. I once wrote a letter to my future family and the part about my children was basically "I love you so much, I have loved you since before you were born, I can not wait to meet you, etc." The part about my partner just said: "I hope you are a good person, please do not divorce me." Well, he will not divorce me, because he probably doesn't exist
  14. 1 point
    Yep, that was my fear. Asexuals are a smala group too, but at least their dating app has only one goal : dating. But I hope one day something like this will be possible.
  15. 1 point
    and not every aromantic is asexual. everyone has a sexual and romantic orientation, which may or may not be the same. when i watched that episode (i already identified as aro) and i heard the word 'aromantic' i had to pause it and scream. i didn't think i'd hear it on tv in my lifetime. you can be aro and polyamorous! i am.
  16. 1 point
    Back when I was religious I interpreted them as songs about love of God.
  17. 1 point
    So, I've based a character on Twenty-One Pilots member Josh Dun (hard to explain). In this narrative, Josh is aromantic and asexual. His friend, Tyler Joseph, leaves to go on an LDS mission. Since Josh isn't LDS, he must stay behind. However, months before Tyler leaves on his mission, Josh and Tyler post an ad in a newspaper for someone to let Josh live with them. Josh meets the family with whom he'll live while Tyler is away. Shiva, a teenage female, is a member of this family. Apparently, Shiva falls into love (lust, really) with Josh upon seeing his identity in this newspaper. Shiva meets Josh in real life, and her heart is racing, because she wants to be sensual with him. Later, Josh visits her high school to spend the day. He meets some of Shiva's friends, who also develop crushes on Josh. I'll spare you all the details, but Shiva and her friends keep being "lovey dovey" and romantic around Josh. This makes Josh VERY uneasy. He always declines all their moves. Fast forward a few years, and Josh and Tyler are in college. Josh is glad to be away from Shiva and her friends, finally, because he thinks that such a situation won't happen at college. Boy, is he wrong. A hefty handful of girls start to flirt with and make moves on Josh until, ultimately, Josh hits a breaking point. He yells at all the girls who have a crush on him, saying that he feels uncomfortable with it, and that he just wants to be left alone. This leaves the girls in shock and confusion, never having seen Josh lash out like that. Josh then tells Tyler what transpired, and they set up a time to discuss it with a counselor. During his appointment with the counselor, Josh doesn't hesitate to tell it like it is, passionately and angrily telling the counselor that he just wants people not to crush on him, etc. Then, Josh starts to cry in front of the counselor, because of the years of trauma built up inside of him from all the romantic, sensual, and sexual attraction directed at him. That night, Josh cries himself to sleep. The next morning, Josh awakens refreshed, having figured out why all these girls have been crushing on him. An aspect of himself that he's been "showing" to the world is being mirrored back to him in the form of girls hitting on him. With that realization, Josh starts to find that girls aren't hitting on him as much. Even Shiva and her friends stop hitting on Josh (Josh visits Shiva and her friends later, and they apologize to Josh for their behavior around him). This makes him feel holy. Fast forward a couple more years, and hardly anyone hits on Josh. Now, he can focus on his Earth mission, which is to help the environment by finding ways to recycle more. He does this through activating his 12D Christos Self, as he helps birth the new Earth he wants to see. END Now, I don't know about you, but this is what I call a romance story with a happily-ever-after!
  18. 1 point
    Yep, that'd be cool as well! I'm sure there will be more variety once more people take it!
  19. 1 point
    Oh big yikes, that’s messed up!! I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you can find a new partner who’s not a jackass.
  20. 1 point
    I've been vegan 6 months, best decision ever!
  21. 1 point
    A character I personally see as aromantic is Dean Winchester from the show Supernatural. Nothing has ever been confirmed, the fandom is just all about portaying and pushing him to be Bisexual and (of course 🙄) therefore biromantic, but he's got some good lines that just resonate with me. I don't know how you would see these, but I tried to find some examples: Spoiler S11E04 Spoiler S5E11 Since I didn't want to go through the whole series again, these are just some snippets, but at least to me they are signs that Dean might be aromantic. At least I see him that way. Maybe you could add those two as clips. Sadly I don't have any video material right now, nor do I have time stamps, so there might be some research involved on your side. And, btw, best of luck for your video! I can't wait to see the results!
  22. 1 point
    So in some recent discussions on the Arocalypse Discord server, the concept of "online queer culture" was brought up. I was told that there are some generally accepted principles and norms expected of people who participate in online queer culture, and that it is assumed that members of Arocalypse know about these, since most members of Arocalypse come from other queer communities. I don't come from any other queer communities. The only identity-related communities I've ever been part of are aro ones, and apparently this means I'm ignorant of a lot of unwritten rules that are assumed to be understood by people involved in online queer culture. But if Arocalypse is being run by standard online queer culture rules, it'd be really helpful to me to have those rules explained, as someone who has no experience of any other online queer culture. This mainly came up on Arocalypse in the context of forbidden topics of discussion. One thing I was told was that online queer culture does not allow any mention of certain topics; rape fantasies and incest were given as examples of things people are not allowed to discuss. I know the Arocalypse mods are working on putting together a list of things we're not allowed to talk about, but in the meantime I'd really appreciate any guidance on other things that are typically forbidden topics of discussion in online queer culture. I was also surprised by the keeping of permanent records of every message ever sent on Arocalypse, including every edited or deleted comment. This definitely isn't something I've encountered in other online communities, but one Arocalypse mod told me they wouldn't feel safe in an online queer space where every detail of conversations was NOT permanently recorded in this way. Since I'm clearly out of sync with standard online queer culture practices in this regard, I was also wondering: Are there any other safety-related practices typical of online queer culture which I should be aware of, and may not have encountered elsewhere?
  23. 1 point
    One to one with different people. Sometimes I do enjoy group events, but I become tired after a few hours. Some activities like running are most enjoyable alone, though.
  24. 1 point
    Today, I realized (once again) I do love but not in the "typical romantic way" (or what society considers it as such). I do not shy away anymore from saying "I love you" because it's far from a "I love you and I need you, otherwise I'm sad"- way. It's more a "I love you, I care about you and I want you to be happy. Do what makes you happy". It feels like I can love people freely. It feels so open, endless. It's hard to explain. But I'm thankful I am able to experience it because, looking at the world, apparently not many people are able to love this way. I don't know, it feels like a gift. So while I'm on it: I love you guys. I love the aro community and our diversity. You rock! It's kind of ironic an aro person is writing all of this but these are my honest feelings. Maybe I'm actually extremly polyamorous without wanting to bind myself on one person but whatever this is, it feels right. I want to be able to tell my friends, and everyone else I care about, that I love them. Without anyone misunderstanding, that is all.
  25. 1 point
    The one thing keeping me from fully identifying as aro is my feelings for this one person. I'm not sure if I have a crush, squish, or whatever on them and it's really annoying. I feel like if the feelings I have for them are a crush then I'm not aro as I would've definitely had crushes in the past but if not then I'm almost definitely aro. I guess I just want to be really close to this person but figuring out if I want to be in a romantic relationship is hard. I've looked at so many websites describing squishes and crushes and I really can't tell the difference. I don't think I want to be in a romantic relationship it just doesn't seem appealing to me. I've thought of the possibility of wanting to be in a QPR with them and that seems nice??? How do y'all describe a squish? I guess is what I'm trying to say.
  26. 1 point
    Yeah but don’t you think these badly written romantic plots happen in real life too? I’ve seen countless times, a girl and a boy spend some time together become friends and if they’re single you can definitely see them going there. I just always wonder why is it doesn’t happen with me even when i find a friend attractive i can never really feel “romantic” towards them. So i just believe that find these plots to be “badly written” cause I can’t relate to them. But yeah it kinda makes me feel superficial that i like their story cause i find them hot Tbh i like it sooo much better when a girl and a boy remain friends in the end, even if they’re single but every movie/tvshow ends with all the lead characters paired with each other and that’s just ugh. I don’t feel the “chemistry” between these characters that everyone goes crazy about. If it turns me on I’ll watch it otherwise do not care in the least. But damn that sounds so shallow:///
  27. 1 point
    Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.
  28. 1 point
    I've known for a long time that I don't want/can't see myself getting married in the future. I've said this aloud many times so its no secret but it's really annoying when the topic of marriage is brought up, I mention I don't want to get married and then my sister chimes in saying, "So you want to be alone for the rest of your life with like 20 cats?" Like.... Really? Just because I don't want to get married or be with someone romantically doesn't mean I want to be lonely. I just want to live with a friend or something who's in a similar situation.
  29. 1 point
    I definitely agree! At my college, which is overwhelmingly white, it's difficult for me to find LGBT+ spaces where I feel truly at home as a black aro/ace female.
  30. 1 point
    Hi! It is great that you feel relieved and that you are able to come to terms with being aroace! I hope you have a great time on Arocalypse
  31. 1 point
    As a (Baptist) Christian I can tell you, that's not true as far as I've seen. Like @eatingcroutons said, many Christians expect others to marry and have children. And even though my mom is single, she definitely wouldn't accept me being aro/ace. She (like many Christians) is against all LGBT+ in general, and aromantics and asexuals would be no exception. She'd also think I was being a snowflake, wanting attention, etc. That's not to say Christians should look at us that way, because the Bible makes it clear that being married doesn't make you better than being single, and that marriage isn't for anyone. But people don't tend to see things that way, I guess.
  32. 1 point
    My current plan is just to move somewhere like a city and get a bunch of roommates and live the roommate life. That way, I always have friends around me! Though the problem is finding roommates I enjoy and cherish. I can't just drag my closest friends to an apartment in a city and then secretly hope they never marry so I don't have to see the PDA...Yeah my solution still has some kinks to work out 😅 Maybe if I find some aromantic roommates, now that would be the jackpot! Though almost impossible 😭
  33. 1 point
    I think what people fail to recognize is that there exists more than just romantic love or, at the very least, fail to recognize other forms of love as equal to romantic love. At least you can look forward to an ace/aro community upon going to college!
  34. 1 point
    I'm currently feeling a lot like this. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from friends and family, and really want an aro soulmate type of person in my life. It seems unfair that you need to feel and show romantic/sexual attraction to connect with someone deeply (not that that's true, but sometimes it feels like it). I dunno, confusing things.
  35. 1 point
    My thinking is that aros and allos tend to understand the term differently. For aros it's likely to mean something along the lines of queer platonic, sexual, affectionate, sensual, etc. friendship. With at least some interest in this having emotional depth and the possibility to last. For allos it's likely to mean something primarily about sex, short term, even specifically trying to avoid any kind of relationship Also the way allos like to see friendship as a lessor kind of relationship e.g. the term "just friends". (With the irony of using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" to refer to romantic partners. Even where no actual friendship is present.)
  36. 1 point
    It all started with some myths: _________________________________________________________ Aromantic sexuals are just emotionally immature Aromantic sexuals are just scared of commitment Aromantic sexuals will eventually change their minds and settle down Aromantic sexuals will die alone and unfulfilled _________________________________________________________ Seriously? Settling down is not about hearts, flowers, butterflies, roses and fire, and being "over the moon". Commitment and maturity have absolutely NOTHING to do with romance. What about that category of alloromantic people who have a relationship which is healthy form every point of view (respect, communication, understanding, compromise on both sides, mutual support, goal compatibility, etc.) but they choose to toss it all in the trash because "they miss those sweet and rosy, crazy, fairy-tale feelings". "S/he doesn't tell me s/he loves me 15 times a day, s/he forgot about our anniversary, what a tragedy, I never want to see him/her again!". I know a woman who dumped her partner whom she'd been in a relationship with for 4 years just because he forgot to bring her flowers for the 1st of March. She would complain to my mum (her work colleague) that "he didn't bring her stuffed animals as gifts, and doesn't tell her "I love you", etc). Really, b*tch? This is what shallow means. But nooo, no one wants to see that. They don't want to feel free and respected, noo, they don't care they're treated like shit so long as they're in love, because they go like "but I loooove, him/her, don't you know how s/he makes me feel? I feel on cloud nine, we still have this". Who's the immature one now? Aromantic only means your kind of love is like a wall which is risen patiently in time, without the sparks and flames aka romantic attraction ever existing. Simple as that. So what is so invalid about a long-term/lifetime relationship with that "romantic fairytale-like passion" thing being off the bloody list?
  37. 1 point
    Yeah this is me too I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction, but it's hard to be sure what that exactly is, especially as the times that could have been, I was a teenager so made up many of my 'crushes' to fit in. Whether any had real feelings behind them I can't be certain, but I am 95% sure the ones with any truth were just aestetic attraction and admiration. I also say grey-romo because I wouldn't necessarily say no to a romantic relationship, despite prefering a platonic one. I feel like if I called myself Aro, any person with whom I might be okay with a romantic relationship (as this may be their preference/meet their needs) would assume I am a no-go and not give me a chance.
  38. 1 point
    Jo in Little Women reads as aromantic asexual to me. She's based on the author who seems to have been gay (though that was no invented at the time ;)) So if you read "the extra material" so to speak she's not aro or ace. But the book just portray her as not being romantically or sexually interested in anyone. The main character in Ann Leckie's Ancilary trilogy also reads as aromantic asexual to me. But it's complicated. As for books not contaning romance or sex, I looked at all the books I have in my read list and it's interesting to note that fiction ones lacking romance and sex are either childrens books or old time classics. The only one that is neither is Elephant Gold by Eric Campbell. Also some books by Jodi Picoult but I don't really like them enough to recommend them.
  39. 1 point
    I guess I'm the only INFJ here? Figures, as it is the rarest type. I'm a fan of MBTI, it has the fun of astrology but with accuracy. I've done the test a couple of times over the years and have gotten the same result every time so I'm pretty confident with it (the analysis are also very accurate, since my I and N bars are very strong in the test results)
  40. 1 point
    I third this. Although I don't care about other people using it, I never felt comfortable using it myself. Mostly because I never knew (and yet don't know) what exactly it means. Specially because some people use it so unceremoniously that it loses some of it's depth. I dunno, I'm only rambling.
  41. 1 point
    For me it would very much depend if I was watching or doing. Though the latter's unlikely since I have no QPP I'd be likely to take a train journey with.
  42. 1 point
    @Vega And its called "Strong Relationships Need Lust as Well as Love" Gotta love that casual micro aggression in the title. Like there is no way someone could have a strong relationship without those things. And I'm guessing the author is convinced that there are no types of relationships, just the almighty Cishetsexromance ™ and that's it.
  43. 1 point
    Still somehow surprises me how ignorant the outside world can be of things that are pretty much obvious to most of the aro & ace communities. I almost commented but didn't want to join any potential troll wars that might pop up.
  44. 1 point
    Recently, Scientific American had an article about "researchers are realizing that love and lust do not necessarily originate from the same part of the brain" (or something similar). And I'm like, yeah, no shit. Half the people on this site are living proof of that.
  45. 1 point
    It's just a fancy made-up word for being single because no one wants to date you and you're just trying to make yourself sound special.
  46. 1 point
    From what I understand of generic heteroromantic dating, that's bound to make nothing but a positive impression. You'd be "cute" for not remembering your own number. Back in ye olden times (before cellphones), it'd probably be taken as a negative. Not now, though.
  47. 1 point
    Anyone else listen to a song and think "Aw this is really sweet, I'm gonna send this to my friend!" then look at lyrics more closely and "oh they mean love in a romantic way, nevermind" Because this happens to me so much
  48. 1 point
    Earlier in AVEN chat, someone was asking that if they could draw 1 object that would best describe their romantic love, what would it be. Between me and another person, we ended up deciding that a flaming toilet is a very appropriate object to represent romance.
  49. 1 point
    This is the most annoying thing. It's okay to enjoy a series or character just because, isn't it?
  50. 1 point
    I had that moment when I once discussed love with my friends. In contrast to them, I'm very cynical when it comes to love, and said that romantic attraction only last for a maximum of three years- and if you haven't established other forms of bonds with that person your relationship is likely to fall apart. My alloromantic friends didn't agree with me of course and one of them said "No, not true, my boyfriend and I are still going strong even after two/three years! Just wait until you fall in love!" I didn't start an argument, because I think it's better to be a "happy fool" sometimes. She did however break up with him a few weeks after for the same reasons I mentioned. Sidenote: I think the couples that do last for decades have formed "family bonds" and have strong platonic love for each other.
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