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Showing content with the highest reputation since 07/19/2019 in Posts

  1. 6 points
    I relate to this a lot! I definitely share the fear of ending up alone in my adult life, and I really hate that so much of that fear is caused by the amatonormativity of society. I try and remain optimistic that I can find friends who will prioritize their friendship with me, or even a QPP as that's something I think I'd be interested in, but it's still scary to think about. The nice thing to remember, though, is that there are a lot of us in the same boat and that we have this community to help each other out
  2. 6 points
    Hello, hello! I'm Kzupir, an aromantic asexual, but I haven't always identified this way. In fact, I only realized I was aromantic and asexual this year. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, y'see. I identified as asexual for a while in my early teens because I did not want sex, but switched to homosexual when I conflated my sexual fantasies with actual sexual attraction to men, which I never experienced. When I realized I couldn't experience sexual attraction, I finally accepted that being ace is who I am. My aromantic identity came after a harder struggle. I have dated twice before, and while I had fun, I always felt disconnected to my partners. I loved calling them my boyfriend and significant other, but I did not want to kiss them, cuddle them, or say typical romantic things with them. In hindsight, I just saw them as my best friend with the boyfriend/significant other label tacked on. And it wasn't the romance that I liked. It was the feeling of being special to them. A few years later, I developed a "crush" on my new best friend. I was so upset about this because I thought I wanted more with her. I felt so strongly about her that I even cried a few times after she told me she didn't want a relationship with me. But throughout all this, I still didn't want to do romantic things with her. I just wanted to support her, live with her, and be with her. And suddenly, I had an epiphany. How the hell is this any different from wanting to be her best friend? It wasn't. When I realized I was aromantic, I felt so relieved. Things made sense. Why I never wanted to do romantic things, why I even felt uncomfortable with the prospect of romance associated with me, why I never understood romance in movies, why I confused romance with a deep friendship. Now that I know it's okay not to want more in my relationship with my "crush," I am so much happier. I am excited to see who her actual boyfriend (or girlfriend, or significant other) will be. I will always support her and be with her, even if it's not romantically, and that's just how I like it. Thanks for reading my story. Cheers!
  3. 6 points
    If you don't feel sexual or romantic attraction then you can definitely identify as aromantic and asexual. It's not always possible to know why you feel the way you do, but orientations are about feelings and are valid whatever your reason is for feeling or not feeling something toward certain genders or anyone.
  4. 6 points
    This poll doesn't really cover what I want at all... I want "purely platonic friendship", yes, but the views I have on friendship/what I want from a friendship generally are a bit different from how allo society conceptualizes friendships. I would also be interested in a sexual relationship, but I do not consider it "romantic coded" and am not comfortable with checking of an option that implies that I want anything of the sort, given that I'm very romance repulsed.
  5. 5 points
    'Hmm... Although I've never been in a QPR myself, so I can't really know what they feel like, I feel like there might be some insight to be gained in defining why I don't want a QPR. To me, I don't want a QPR because... I like to be my own boss. I very strongly dislike the idea of any sort of formally defined relationship- I can't be tied down to any one specific person (or multiple people, in the case of polyamory). Now you might think this makes me a very solitary person, but I'm not. I love my friends. I love having very close friends, I'm very committed to my friends, and I would absolutely love to live with friends someday. So what's the difference? Well... Friendships aren't formally defined. They just evolve naturally, and can change in nature without it being a big deal. I feel like once you're in a QPR, though, then you're In a Relationship, you know what I mean? You can't be in a QPR with someone unless one of you brings the idea up and you both agree to it, and then after that you're Partners, and you can't change that without like, announcing it you know. (Obviously all QPRs are different and not everyone uses the same terminology, so please forgive my generalizations.) With friends, you don't have to formally declare the nature of your relationship, and honestly you don't really have to do much of anything. Should you do things like keep in touch with your friends, make time specifically to spend with them, etc.? Sure, if that's the kind of friendship you have. But you're not obligated to. I am extremely committed to my friends and I like to go the extra mile to support them, have fun together, and make them feel appreciated, and I would absolutely never abandon my friends at the drop of a hat, but I like being secure in the knowledge that I'm doing it because it's what I want to do at any given moment in time. It's ok for friendships to change. You can be super ultra best friends with someone at one point in time, and maybe a few years down the line you two aren't nearly as close anymore, but you're still friends. That's ok! Friendships are loose and volatile and fluid, and that's what I like about them. Hell, even my best friend... I've known her since I was four years old. We're super close, go everywhere together, we'd totally be willing to live together indefinitely. But even with her, I know that should we ever grow less close, there's no need to formally declare it. And I like knowing that I don't have to consult her on any life decisions I make- I might do so anyway just because I value her opinion, and I certainly wouldn't up and move away without telling her, but I don't have to. I can do whatever I want with my own life. I'm not afraid of commitment, I just dislike obligation. Now of course, it's not like I can do everything my way forever. I know eventually things like roommates, etc. will become a factor in what I do. I also know that no two QPRs look alike, and not all may involve life partnership or a specific level of intimacy or anything like that. But in any case, to me, the thing that makes me feel like I wouldn't want a QPR- even if a theoretical QPR I could have might in all other ways seem identical to friendship- is the act of formally declaring a relationship status, as well as in general a sense of obligation to do things a certain way and share a level of involvement in each others' lifestyles.
  6. 5 points
    Where to begin… Well, i am sure someone already said something about it somewhere, but here i go. First of all, I have nothing against QPR's , or even the label itself. But I believe QPR's are not immune to amatonormativity. I feel like sometime , we present QPR's as "more than friends". Peoples say "well, i would never do that for a friend but i would for my QPP" and frankly? I hear the same thing… from alloros and their romantic crush. And of course, i heard some "well, we can still be in a relationship ! It don't have to be romantic ! " Some peoples call them their "platonic soulmate" . I don't like that soulmates thing, and i know a lot of aros don't either. I am not too angry about it, but i am not sur i am 100% comfortable with that word. I just saw someone say " soulmates can be platonic ! don't exclude us ! " and like.. please no... idk. We yell at allo aces for saying "we can love too" but… some aros are doing exactly the same thing. (not just for QPR's i noticed. Can be friendship or familly. We put someone's value in how and how much they can love and i am not sure i like it ) ------------ Also something i would like to discuss , a lot of aros are firm on saying that QPR are not friends , like, never ever. but i heard some aros say that sometime, friendship and QPR can overlap. To be honnest , i sometime have trouble seeing the difference between the two, but that's just my two cents as someone who never had a QPP. So i would like to ask peoples who know more about them. It make sense to me at least.
  7. 5 points
    It's probably due to all the amatonormativity I've been exposed to, but I fear that when I'll be around 30(?) I'll only find myself completely alone. 'Lotta social anxiety, extreme romance repulsion, fear of any kind of animal means I'll probably find myself as the only one in my house. Plus all the QPP thing to me still holds a somewhat romantic feel to it and due to the romance repulsion part I talked about it's impossible to think about it as an opportunity. Anyone else here having issues regarding this? I can expand later on this so yeah (I wrote this in 5 mins anyways)
  8. 5 points
    I think that's a good aim. Also we shouldn't forget all the interactions humans can have without really there being any relationship. I really like interacting with strangers in some settings. It can be very rewarding and meaningful.
  9. 5 points
    Thanks so much for replying. Update: I did it and it went great! My partner, as always, was incredibly understanding and helpful. I told them I'd need to set some boundaries, and may not be comfortable with the term partner in the future. We also talked about making sure they don't feel like they're not getting enough out of the relationship. I feel so much better now. It's a enormous relief not feeling like I'm lying, or have to pretend I feel a way I don't. I still have a lot of doubts about my romantic orientation, but coming out and feeling that relief/that click made me a lot more sure. I'm really happy to be in this community, and hopefully it can be a resource for me in the future! Even more, I hope my story can be helpful to someone else!
  10. 5 points
    Hi, I'm Zekai (They/them). After coming to this website for personal consultation and learning about both myself and the aromantic community, I finally took the time to make an account and actually join the group. I look forward to being able to learn more and possibly contribute to the treasure trove that this website is.
  11. 5 points
    You might be aro if you spend years thinking 'im not ready for a relationship' and aren't sure of the reason why.
  12. 5 points
    I've always found the phrase "better half" to be kind of horrifying. Please love yourself..??
  13. 5 points
    Nice thread! Phrases like "Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world", or whatever you want instead of "beautiful". I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but everytime I hear it sounds like you need it to be happy. The whole concept of "the one" too. Because if you say you are aro, people will just assume that this special person will come and change your identity. Even if it does, you can still be in the grey are of the spectrum. Plus it doesn't invalidate how you felt at the moment. Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?
  14. 5 points
    "Just friends", "more than friends", etc Implies that friendship is inferior/lesser than romance "Love is love is love" I expect I'll get some pushback on this, so let me clarify what I mean. I've seen this phrase used in the context in gay marriage, and in that context, I don't find it amatonormative (but I do find it assimilationist), but I often see it get applied to other situations where it has problematic subtext. Here's an example: "'Love is love is love' is the slogan of the entire queer community!" Well, no, I'm aromantic and I don't feel like that includes me. "Ah, but 'love is love is love' can apply to platonic love too!" Well, no, I'm not comfortable with someone shoehorning in platonicism so that I don't feel excluded and dehumanized, especially when said person is probably going to turn around and be amatonormative as soon as I stop looking.
  15. 5 points
    We've made an AUREA-specific account (this one) to respond to anyone on Arocalypse from now on. This is to make it easier for you all to talk to the Team and understand what's coming from the official organization and what's just coming from us as individuals. You can ping the Team by typing @AUREA.
  16. 5 points
    I would refrain from this kind of armchair psychology.
  17. 5 points
    I don't really look for any specific types of relationships. I want every relationship to grow organically from what we both want. If I found someone who I got along with extremely well and felt comfortable with, I might want to get into a more committed life partner relationship with them. But I wouldn't go looking for a qpr.
  18. 4 points
    Hi, I've been lurking around in these forums ever since I found out about them, especially the introduction section, waiting nervously to post my introduction. I'm 22 years old and currently live with my parents, partner, and two cats. I discovered this site by clicking a link from an aro person I follow on social media. I had no idea forums like this existed before then, even though it makes sense that they would! Anyway, I don't know how much of this directly has to do with being on the aromantic spectrum, but I'll talk about a little bit of my history. I've always been disgusted by romance, both in front of me and in media. Plus I never really wanted a romantic relationship. I had "crushes," but the only thing I wanted was to be special to that person. (I never imagined having an actual relationship where we did stereotypical relationship things.) I didn't care about how that got across to me, and I was good with romantic gestures (sometimes) because they're known to be a way to express how much someone means to you. I didn't know I was on the aromantic spectrum until I got with my current partner and actually experienced a relationship. Plus, that's around the time I learned what aromantic even was. I still don't know if I'm aro and greyro (sometimes romance repulsed, sometimes romance neutral), but figuring that out is too stressful, so I'm going with greyro for now. I kind of think of my current relationship as a QPR/QPP because that describes a lot of how I feel, though it doesn't fit completely. As much as I like using labels, there won't always be labels that work for me I guess. Anyway, sorry about the rambling! Nice to meet everyone.
  19. 4 points
    Hello everyone! This is the first time I created a topic here. My native language is not English, so there may be a lot of grammatical errors in my words. Please understand. At the same time, I am new here. If my vision is too narrow, please Everyone understands. I very much agree with AUREA that inappropriate dichotomies will have an impact on our community [https://www.aromanticism.org/news-feed/assumptions-and-dichotomies]. For example, some arguments about QPR. I think the relationship between people actually has a lot of diversity. If I consider the relationship between people, I will not only consider the sexual attraction between the two: romantic attraction, Plato attraction, friend attraction and other binary relationships. In my eyes, for the relationship between n people, not only the binary relationship, but also the ternary relationship, the quaternary relationship, and even the n-ary relationship (of course, there are simple empty relationship and unitary relationship). For example, a group of people who are friends between every two, does not mean that these people are a friendly group, and they may not play TOGETHER well. This also shows that multivariate relationship is not just the sum of some binary relationships. The multivariate relationship I will say next is generally not the sum of some binary relationship. Admittedly, there are many words in our language that describe binary relationships: friends, lovers, marriage, parenting, siblings, etc. There are relatively few words describing multivariate relationship: cooperation, group, polyamory, etc. It can be seen faintly that the tradition of attaching importance to binary relationship in culture is obvious. For example, in the sense of monogamy, most people say that relationship means Relationship Escalator [https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/] from friend to lover to marriage to family. However, mathematically, multivariate relationships are much more complex and complex than binary ones. Of course, for Polyamory [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Values_within_polyamory], this is just a kind of multivariate relationship. I want to say the multivariate relationship that I influenced a lot when I was young, it is completely Different from polyamory. When I was a child, I often lived in groups (or groups on the Internet, similar to the community, and many members were active). My childhood was living in such an atmosphere: Play Together. We attach more importance to the multivariate relationship of the group than we do to the relationship between the two. We value group relationships very much, so we often play together (not every time every member participates), so we WON'T BE ALONE. In the later years, the small group ended. The end of the small group has its own factors. But the most important factor is: As members grow up, they begin to pursue binary relationsship (especially monogamy Relationship Escalator). This tendency to pay too much attention to (and even to compete with) the binary relationship has greatly weakened the multivariate relationship. This tendency, in fact, can be said that Amatonormativity, is what I do not like. I admit that the mainstream of Amatonormativity and the emphasis on binary relationship, the neglect of multivariate relationship, make small groups no longer have a friendly atmosphere. Because of a person who attaches great importance to binary relationship and saturates in binary relationship, He It is very similar to people who behave and self-enclosed by the outside world. (Say an inappropriate chemical analogy: a stable molecule, behaving like a rare gas, making it difficult to form a large-scale chemical bond like metal.) I am really Disappointed with this. To be honest, I like the friendly atmosphere(I mean, Friendliness.) very much. I can even say that I prefer to make friends with people than to make friends with person. I think that multivariate relationship is more stable and freer than binary relationship. Yes, I love freedom very much. However, now, someone told me that you only have two choices: Either love, or be alone. I think this is unfair and unimaginable. After all, I have had a childhood, we rely on strong, friendly and multivariate relationship, everyone to play together, very free, not alone - very happy. Of course, not everyone likes strong multivariate relationships like me. Some people may be more eager for freedom, and some may be more eager for warmth. As the survey results for what aro really wants: Everyone Wants Something Different. [http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/2295-what-do-aros-actually-want-in-terms-of-relationships/] But I never want to see that OUR CHOICE is limited to monogamy, limited to romantic relationships, limited to QPR, limited to self-enclosed. Either love, or be alone. This is a dichotomy. This is a false proposition. Relationship is diversity, just like a Relationship Space (Mathematical). Bertrand Russell said: Diversity Is Essential to Happiness.
  20. 4 points
    As a follow up to last year’s survey of the same name, I want to poke the aro community with a new, improved, expanded survey that is more inclusive. This time around, I have @Magni collaborating with me (huge thank you to zem for being an awesome research partner). Anyone who identifies with the aro community in some way, including grey and questioning people, is welcome to take this survey. Participating in this survey is, as always, completely optional. If you wish to stop participating at any time, you may do so, for any reason. This survey will ask you about your experiences with microaggressions, oppression, and stigmatization as an aro. Therefore, some of the questions may be distressing for you. You have every right to stop participating or to not participate at all if you are uncomfortable. If you are interested in participating, CLICK HERE. Feel free to boost this survey on other channels. If you do, please include the blurb above. Thank you for your time.
  21. 4 points
    Also "squad" and "community." Sympathies. And yeah, I think this is an important part of understanding what "amatonormativity" is -- not just the romantic/nonromantic distinction, but also thinking about individual relationships to the exclusion of group relationships. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
  22. 4 points
    That, or "they are two (or more when they try to be inclusive ) part of a one" Also, no one is perfect for anyone and i feel like this is dangerous to say so. Interresting. Friendships are different for everyone… not unlike other relationships. I feel like we have a tendency to forget about cultural context.
  23. 4 points
    I understand that feeling. For me, it tends to be a fear that they won't be as interested in spending time with me if they have a romantic partner, or that they'll be constantly talking about them/engaging in PDA around me (I'm romance repulsed). It's an unpleasant feeling to have, and obviously you should be careful not to be a dick about it, but it's important to know that it's normal and doesn't make you a bad person.
  24. 4 points
    Yeah, Googling “queerplatonic relationship” gives me mostly articles like “X signs you’re in a queerplatonic relationship without even knowing”, which feels icky and amatonormative, but very little that criticizes amatonormativity and relationship hierarchies. Which makes me wonder, do the non aspecs writing these articles know that they’re harmful?
  25. 4 points
    Exactly! The boundaries of what a qpr is is totally up to the people involved. I know what kinds of relationships I'd really like to have in the future, but am I ever going to be able to find someone who won't leave me when they start a romantic partnership? It's tricky.
  26. 4 points
    Can we say that wanting/having a QPR is like wanting/having kids? People shouldn’t be judged for not wanting kids or treated like they’re missing some essential human instinct to be a parent. It’s just a lifestyle choice, and does not reflect any poor character or incompleteness. Although perhaps it’s incorrect to say not wanting a QPR is a choice? Idk. It was just a thought Some really good stuff has been said all around here, and I agree that the focus on trying to prove that “aros love too!” is reductive and unhelpful. I find myself getting a little frustrated that the definition of a QPR seems to be such a slippery fish. I guess that’s because it’s a little different every time depending on who’s involved, but... we need to be able to describe it in general in a way that doesn’t make it seem like a stand-in for a romantic relationship. I even like the idea of a QPR for myself, but the notion that it takes the place of a romantic relationship is still very off-putting to me. The whole point is that it’s incomparable, really. I’m tempted to simply say that a QPR is a relationship that is “something else” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  27. 4 points
    Hello, I'm Rekkuza, and I hail from the Land of Bagged Milk AKA Canada. I'm a high school student and I'm French-Canadian. I'm AroAce. I think I always kinda knew, somehow. For as long as I can remember, I always had a profound disinterest in romantic and sexual relashionships. I never stressed about my lack of attraction. I guess I always thought to myself that it would happen one day, when I would be ready, which kinda helped accepting my orientation, I think. When I found out about asexuality and aromanticism, it just made sense. Like, "Oh, I'm aroace. Guess it explain why I never wanted to date. Oh well." So yeah, that wall of text is my story, nice to be here!
  28. 4 points
    True that! I guess when I said people should be able to enjoy *whatever*... there are some limits. What you say about different fan sites makes a lot of since. The wild thing I discovered about Good Omens is that shipping overwhelms everything everywhere. I’m sure there’s other stuff out there from more mature people but of course the really avid ones drown them out and it overwhelms me a lot. I think I may have found one podcast that looks like it will be all or mostly free of it. Yeah I had a feeling that was a case. It seems that general lexicon isn’t usually aware of the split attraction model, so since the words people are already familiar with are terms like bisexual, asexual looks like the corresponding term for somebody who’s interested in nobody (as in one or the other, both/all, or neither/none, where asexual = neither/none). It looks from the outside like a complete system. Also people have a hard time imagining what a relationship without a sexual element would be like, so that’s probably part of it. Yeah this here is really a great opportunity to educate pop culture en masse because this show is so beloved. If they pass it up I’ll be crushed. Not to mention how insulting it is when someone “gives in” to a romantic relationship. Like Jughead would have basically been cut and paste easy representation if they’d let it. But instead they made a self-indulgent social-outcast-meets-popular-kid trope that no one needs any more of. Our identities get boiled down to social ineptitude and coming of age sexual awakening narratives and it drives me up the wall. “The end of their relationship, not the beginning” yes! QPRs are pretty ambiguous as a term and don’t have a lot of good examples in fiction, so I was actually really grateful for the way the main characters in Good Omens displayed intimacy on an emotional level while remaining at somewhat of a distance. But when fandom turns this into a juicy will-they-won’t-they thing, it occurs to me that to most people this stuff is just like foreplay to the main event. But to me, them “getting together” would spell the end for the dynamic I loved so much. It can be extra frustrating when writers feel the need to give a character an obligatory “happy ending”/wife+kids because that’s what’s expected. It’s like they don’t know how to finish the job when it comes to creating a character with an unconventional lifestyle. Still I’m glad you can enjoy Doc’s character regardless. I totally see why he’s appealing and how he’s one of those special ones to keep with you for a long time. Ultimately it’s better to focus on what mattered to you about him in the first place.
  29. 4 points
    I've been hanging around on here for a while without realising that this section of the forum exists! I'm aroace to be specific, though I do relate more to aro than ace just by being romance-repulsed more than sex repulsed. I do sometimes wonder whether I edge into the grey-ace area. I don't mind sex, I just can't be bothered with all the hassle of all the lead up and just want to "get it done", but apparently that isn't romantic according to others... I also have been accused of being very textbook scientifically crude about it and have since been told I'm totally missing the point on it!! Anyway, that is definitely splitting hairs so just say ace at least at present. I'm from the Wirral, which is between Liverpool and Chester (it's a peninsula and so we have lots of beach to dog walk on). Of course, I have my dog who is my life, and has upset previous romantic partners previously who have accused me of "being more romantic towards my dog", I don't understand what their point is if I'm honest!! I organise a Liverpool a-spec social group. Otherwise I'm sport obsessed (don't expect my attention during the upcoming rugby world cup!)
  30. 4 points
    Hi all ya wonderful aro people! I'm not a native english speaker so I'm sorry for any grammar- and spelling mistakes! I just turned 39 so I have spent all theese years not understanding why I was the way I was. I found out about aromanticism, and rediscovered asexuality, by coincidence not more than three weeks ago. Finding out about aromanticism totally blew my mind and made me super confused! I'm an aspiring writer and I was watching a youtube video from one of my favourite you tube-writers when she came out as asexual and/or aromantic (I can't remember which). Anyways, after watching that video I was like WTF, asexuality and aromanticism is a legit thing!!!??? I only have one or to people to talk about this in IRL, so I just feel this overwhelming desire to share some things with you guys. This is gonna be a rant so feel free not to read the whole thing! I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I faked one or two crushes i middleschool/junior high just to fit in. I always felt super awkward the few times my friends talked about romance, sex and such. I have been hugged by boys/men/girls/women but either felt nothing in particular, or felt like they were somehow violating my personal space. I have never felt the need to cuddle with people(I've only ever voluntarily cuddled with my pet cats and dogs). I have never been kissed, never had sex and never actively pursued either. I do have a libido of some sort, so I can find (some)sex scenes in movies/books quite intriguing. Though, oftentimes I feel indifferent towards it and hardly ever fantasize about it. And I have always disliked romantic movies/books but never known exactly why. I'm a writer myself but I just can't write romance or sex scenes so I totally avoid that. Writing about it makes med feel super awkward, I'm absolutely lousy at it, and it totally shows in my work. I find women more physically/aesthetically attractive than men, but I don't feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards women. For quite a few years I wondered if I was perhaps bisexual or gay, but I just couldn't wrap my head around that possibility. I just enjoyed seeing/watching beautiful people doing their thing. So, I suppose that's a pure aesthetic attraction. I have always had a really hard time understandig the different concepts of attraction but now, finally, I think I'm getting the hang of it. I believe that the two-three crushes I've had in my whole life were actually squishes. The last one might have been a crush but I don't know for sure. I just couldn't distinguish between platonic and romantic feelings back then. I believe they were squishes because I never actively pursued any relationships, and never got jealous when the boys I "liked" eventually got girlfriends; and I was happy as long as they were happy - though it made me very was sad knowing that I wasn't one of the most significant people in their life. I always wanted a "best male-friend forever" (with "benefits" perhaps???) but never got one... I have been asked out on dates a few times but turned down all but two. The two dates I went on, one in my early twenties and one in my early thirties, felt quite pointless. A couple of my good male friends developed crushes on me at university(I've spent a good ten years at different univeristies so there's been a few guys) and it always made me feel uncomfortable, or totally out of my element. Since I'm now 39 years old I have been asked if I have a boyfriend/why I don't have one/if I'm interested in any one, more times than I can count. In response, I have always told people that I'm just too busy with school, with work, my writing career, and what not. I feel quite haunted by these never ending questions about my "love life" so last year I even tried a matchmaking service online, mainly just to make people shut up about it. But that totally backfired because I felt sooo uncomfortable when these guys who I didn't know started sending me messages, showing a romantic interest, and I never responded to any of them. After reading up on this forum and on AVEN, I now strongly believe that I am aromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum(ace or grey ace), but the concepts are still so new to me that I'm quite confused. It also makes me a bit sad because somewhere deep down I thought that I just hadn't met the right man/woman and that I eventually would (magically?)"end up" in a relationship - making my mom proud and relieved. Allright... So this is where I'm currently at. At least I'm verry happy to have found this forum. I'm sure I will be spendig a fair amount of time here from now on, while trying to figure stuff out. Sorry for the long rant! For anyone making it all the way down here, thank you for reading! Have a great weekend!
  31. 4 points
    That's definitely an issue with me and my fondness/need for affectionate physical contact. It's almost impossible to hug a non-relative without it being interpreted romantically/sexually, especially someone of the opposite gender. And, of course, amongst my (apparent) peer group, hugs between males are often interpreted negatively. It's definitely at least partly cultural, since amongst my Italian cousins, public affection between friends is socially acceptable (if approached more like rough-housing than anything else), and I've heard before of a Korean concept called "skinship" which encapsulates the activity. I do believe mores are changing, however, as I've seen more examples of late in the media, in particular between young male actors.
  32. 4 points
    Hey I'm Jazzy. I am 26. I am from the US. My hobbies are reading books, drawing, writing short stories and poems, loom knitting. I identify as sapphic and greyromantic fraysexual. I found this forum by searching aromantic forum online. Hopefully I will meet other people here with similar experiences and hobbies.
  33. 4 points
    Maybe "there's someone for everyone"? Its used to mean that every person has someone who will be a good fit for them romantically and I know for a fact there's no one for me.
  34. 4 points
    It's a pretty flag. I like that you chose six stripes - it departs from both the aro and ace flags and makes it unique. The greater number of stripes also makes sense for a big community. I think the grey could maybe be a little lighter to better differentiate it from the black (perhaps #999999) but it's otherwise nice in terms of contrast. The green and purple might be a bit too much of a contrast, but for me personally, only the green is a little too bright. One thing I'm worried about is that the inclusion of blue makes it look similar to @Magni's aroace flag. In general, though, there is a longstanding debate about what should be used as a-spec (umbrella) flag colours vs. aroace (specific identity) flag colours. So as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you want hahaha. There are a few other a-spec flags out there, yes. I compiled a post of the ones I knew of recently HERE.
  35. 4 points
    I just posted that I thought Will from Stranger Things was aro in a YouTube comment, and an idiot responded it doesn't exist. I am angry right now.
  36. 4 points
    This poll seems really difficult to receive meaningful results from What I want is a partner that’s more like a best friend than anything but that I can lean and lay on, feel comfortable hugging, and cuddle to sleep really (I’m homosensual and aro ace). We do everything together and possibly adopt kids together. I also want someone healthy looking that I’ll feel proud of to introduce to my family so it would also be nice if he isn’t the introverted type who makes every social situation awkward
  37. 3 points
    I recall an article which ever quoted Brake. Whilst describing something which sounded virtually identical to a romantic relationship. It's likely that they don't. Also that the intended audience is other allos. For me it's the "half person" idea which makes me think "just no". It's important not to overlook that there is a cultural context involved in the QPR definition(s). Also that factors like social class, age, gender, race, religion, etc. can affect someone's cultural context as much as geography. I find this a rather dystopian removal of individuality and autonomy. Trying to turn humans into something like The Borg.
  38. 3 points
    Me, furiously digging myself further and further into the hole I have created within my fandoms by blacklisting every ship tag and blocking half the fandom and only interacting with the 5 people in my gen servers and churning out 20 genfics a year: Sorry did someone say something I think I have dirt in my ears
  39. 3 points
    I'm not romance repulsed and in fact I also appreciate a well written romantic arc as an interesting exploration of that facet of human nature. When I was younger I did wish I could be in a romantic relationship because it didn't seem possible to have such a strong emotional connection with another person without it. I no longer believe this although it is obviously more difficult to find.
  40. 3 points
    ( I think it fit here, even if I am not too comfortable about it being "miscellaneous " ) So… aromantic is my orientation. That's it. I suppose i could label my sexuality if i really wanted to, but… not only i don't feel the need to, but i also feel like… I don't have one? And by that, i don't mean asexuality. (even if i could technically fit on the spectrum because words are words , i don't feel labelling myself like that ) But, sometime i still feel like I have to fit in either "aro ace" or "aro allo", or grey ace and… no i am just aro. Like, i know "aro" is enough. I know. But sometime, something make me feel like i am just hiding my "true self" or just "questioning" ot whatever. I still feel like being just aro fit me that being said. But when I say "i am aro" , sometime i feel like peoples are like "ok you're just giving me incomplete information" I don't know i just needed to talk about it. Like, anyone can answer this topic, but if you're also "just aro" or "non-sam" aro, how do you feel about it? (also , if someone have links about that , i would be interested. I already have some, but it don't hurt to ask. I see a lot of things about aromantism itself, but very rarely about being just aro) (also also, just curious. If you're also "just aro", what term do you use? I can use "just aro" or "non-sam aro" , both are fine.)
  41. 3 points
    I was just thinking about how weird the identity of aromanticism is really. Something that is defined by an absence. If you were forced to describe it in terms of pressence rather than absence, what words would you use? Personally I think I'd would describe it as a different focus in life. I'm very concerned with my role in society at large rather than just my relationship to one other person.
  42. 3 points
    I do feel this a bunch, i'm pretty lucky in that im more comfortable with online interactions than offline ones but still, i want people with me, someone to have in my life that i know wont leave. My current thoughts are moving down to the little farming town i used to live, and adopting/fostering children. Possibly inviting other friends to come live with me.
  43. 3 points
    It doesn't look like anybody else has said it yet, so I'll say it: You don't need to. "Romantic" and "platonic" are words for those who find those words useful. There's nothing wrong with not finding it useful, either. I don't care for the distinction much myself -- that's why I identify as quoiromantic. Then that's the important thing, from my perspective. Not necessarily. It's different for everybody. I would never tell someone, "no, what you're describing is too big of an emotion for you to call it platonic." Okay, now I'm the confused one. Are you saying "platonic attraction" isn't a kind of emotional attraction?
  44. 3 points
    It's typically clear that they just mean "romance". Rather than including eros, philia, storge, ludus, mania, pragma, philautia, agape, etc. You can also encounter terms like "soul/solemate" applied non-romantically. Along with amantonormative like non-romantic relationships. Some fairly widespread QPR definitions looking rather that way. Even within the kink scene I find this notion rather squicky. Along with "other half" this sounds like a creepy dystopian thing rather than something you'd expect anyone to aspire to. Who'd want to be a fractional person?
  45. 3 points
    I think you can try if you really want too, but with fixing clear limit with your friend, and explaining you are aro (make sûre that she gets it, because she doesn't seem to understand it for what you say). But if you do it, you should for good reasons. If it is because she's interested in you and you don't want to broke her heart, or because you are scared to mise your friendship, I don't think it will work : if she doesn't get aromanticism she will expect you to reciprocate, not only to behave romantically; and then if will be painful for both of you. Same if you are not comfortable with romantic coded activities. In other words, you can test this kind of relationship, but you have to know why you do it, and what you are read to do or not. The important is that you don't force yourself in anything you wouldn't do.
  46. 3 points
    Hi folks. I'm trying to get the word out about the Romantic Ambivalence Survey. It's intended for any and all people without romantic orientations, people who identify to any degree with wtfromanticism or quoiromanticism, and people who struggle with the concept of romance, romantic orientation, or romantic attraction. The goal of this survey is to find out more about which labels are popular, what people are using them to mean, and how much these identities may or may not intersect with others. The survey will be open and taking responses until August 20th. If you have access to any other platforms or community spaces with anything to do with this topic, or if you know anyone who might be interested, please consider sharing the link further and letting me know.
  47. 3 points
    ah gosh this. Like as an a-spec trans person I think 'love is love' is lovely! When its specifically talking about love. Not about the whole LGBT+ community. Like people say "The LGBT+ community is about who you love!" and its like "?? im trans, its the 4th letter, and love isnt relevant to my identity" which, whoops im going a little off topic. So, yeah, "LGBT+ is about love" very amatonormative Also the phrase "Have you found [someone, a boyfriend, ect] yet?" No, i havent, and i will not ever.
  48. 3 points
    I agree with the gray being lighter. I'm very used to the "iconic" aro green and ace purple, so I'm not a huge fan of the green and purple you chose, but I can see it growing on me in the future. Another possible option, (and this might also help to distinguish it from an aroace-as-a-specific-identity flag, would be to use the alternate aro green (and by analogy, make an alternate ace purple)? I'll explain by referencing variation 4 from running.tally's list of flags. Numbering the colors 1-5 from top to bottom, I'd call colors 1 and 5 the primary aro and ace colors because of how widespread their usage is. (And also, most people use only 1 and 5 for making a specific-aroace flag). If instead you opted to use colors 2 and 4 (alternate aro and alternate ace), they'd have some sense of familiarity since they're (well, the alternate aro, at least) found in flags, but also a sense of something new (and if you wanted to read into symbolism, you could say that the choice of alternates is a reminder to talk about the narratives that most people ignore).
  49. 3 points
    I don't know if that help, but when I did my coming out, I said something like " you know, some peoples are gay, lesbian, bi, hetero…. I am aromantic". Like that, I put aromantism on the same level as other orientations. Something I can't choose. Something that's going to stay here unless I say otherwise. And if i am not too young to know I am hetero, then i am not too young to know i am aro. Of course, I had to explain what it was. They are fine with it and usually leave me alone. (Well, my mom don't tell me anymore how "she can't wait for me to bring someone home ! " ) Right now, I think this is a good advice.
  50. 3 points
    Hi there! You can call me Mach. I'm an agender person in my mid-20s, and I'm asexual and aromantic ... kind of? It's a big question mark to me, and I'm here to figure it out. I deal with a few mental health issues, mainly borderline personality disorder, dissociation and recurrent depression, among other things. I'm a soon-to-be-published author, and currently pursuing entrance to a master's program in Russian literature.
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