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  1. 6 points
    I was invited to a wedding and I was sort of dreading it. I was wondering how I would react to everything now I know more about myself (I was 12 when I went to the last wedding, and being a kid I got away with running around on the lawn when I got bored). Happily there was a nice requirement of no +1, so no dates were allowed. And it was a family wedding rather than one of my friends meaning there were very few people under the age of 30 and certainly no one else was all lovey dovey or planning their own wedding. Basically it felt like a formal family gathering rather than a 'marriage event' so I had quite a good time even though I did feel very unsure about the appropriate etiquette sometimes. I know some of my friends will be getting married in the next few years and I am just wondering about the differences between a family wedding and a friend's wedding. Any tips and helpful hints on how to not seem completely repulsed would be very welcome. Hopefully this topic can turn into a 'Wedding Survival Guide' that other people can use when the events come up.
  2. 5 points
    Hi? I've been stalking/lurking/looking through this site (and AVEN) since Saturday and I finally gathered the courage to make an account- so here I am! I'm a very shy 16-year-old girl, and I don't think I'll post much? Maybe? But, I really really want to be able to talk openly around here. Anyways, I'm aro/ace, have been sort of identifying with that (to myself) since I discovered the terms by chance while wandering the interwebs. I'm not out yet to anyone, but I'm trying to gather the courage to do so. I'm not so much scared as how everyone will react, but more scared of actually saying it, going out and admitting it (and then explaining it ugh). Nonetheless, (I love big fancy sounding words) yeah. Hi. Am I supposed to say something of my interests?? I like dragons. So there.
  3. 5 points
    I actually wonder if this might be one way alloromantics would benefit from the concept of queerplatonic relationships, in that the lonely elderly might be happier if moving in with and having a committed relationship with a friend was encouraged.
  4. 5 points
    hey can i get a uhh....... respect for my orientation
  5. 5 points
    Woah, I can't believe I missed this thread until now. Yes, there are several of us aromantic allosexuals here. I'm in my 30s and I've had a few satisfying intimate relationships with alloromantic allosexuals. I strongly prefer emotional intimacy and commitment in my sexual relationships, so it can be challenging, since most allos assume that being aromantic allosexual means all I would want is casual sex. I don't have any specific advice for you other than to let you know that we exist and we are capable of having intimate relationships, challenging though they usually are. I'm pretty far removed from modern teen culture, so I can't speak to that at all, other than to say that your feelings are valid and people who tell you they are invalid are wrong. Feel free to ask anything you like if you want to have a more detailed conversation.
  6. 5 points
    aro culture is being blatantly aro in front of everyone you know but having people not catch on because of invisibility
  7. 5 points
    I met a mature age student at university, she was about 42 at that time. Lived alone with pets, no partner, no kids. She decided all her friends were getting boring and she was interested in getting another degree so she went back to uni and made a whole new set of friends in their late teens/early twenties. So she obviously didn't want to settle down so she made it work for her. The 'tik tok' thing is mostly about the biological clock right? that generally doesn't seem to worry women until around 35, and generally those are the women who think having kids might be a good idea (and so probably shouldn't do it because they become the worst helicopter parents and there children are fairly nasty). You either really want kids- breeding is a life goal for you, or you shouldn't have any- get yourself a foster child if you sway more to the yes side of maybe.
  8. 4 points
    Wikipedia is pretty full of sh@&* regarding non-mainstream stuff. Looks like the safest place for it would be on this page until the powers-that-be deem it necessary to make seperate pages. I tried adding info to Wikipedia years ago, but some other jerk just removed my info. I haven't bothered trying again. I think one needs to be active within their little special circle of friends (or have a certain type of personality) to actually have additions be accepted on their site. It may be a useful site with some useful info, but it's just the tip of the iceberg, because they won't actually let people add the rest of the iceberg to the site. Oookay, that was a rant. Whoops.
  9. 4 points
    wish I could... talk about aro issues in real life without feeling like an attention seeking embarrassment...
  10. 4 points
    Hey guys, Recently, I started wondering about my romantic orientation and I hope you will help me. I just want to add that I'm certainly not an asexual. My interest in romance was never... anything more than casual, as in I wanted to be in a relationship since everyone acts like it's the best thing ever but pursued a relationship only 3 times. The first one was when I was 22 because until then I was busy with school and didn't have time to date or to bother with my sexual orientation. The first two times lasted just a month and I was genuinely happy when it was over. It was very nerve wracking for me, constantly wondering what I was supposed to do at that specific point. In the end I broke up with them because we had very little in common and it seemed pointless to date them. I'm in my 3rd relationship now and while the girl is really cute and sweet, it seems like... she feels more in the relationship than I do and that kind of scares me. We have a lot in common, she's funny and really hot. But the PDA weirds me out (maybe because we're a same-sex couple). She seems very eager to cuddle, kiss, hold hands and stuff. I just really want to grope her. I also noticed that my touches are more of sexual nature (waist, butt, legs, lips) and it feels odd touching her in any other way (though, I dislike touching people normally so this is still an upgrade). She also constantly goes on and on about how she's worried that someone else will steal me and stuff but I've never been jealous, in general. She's not the "nagging" girlfriend who would constantly ask who I was with, she's very positive whenever I talk about my female friends. This just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't feel like something is "missing" as many people put it when there is no romantic attraction to someone. I like hanging out with her and want to continue the relationship I just want to figure out where I'm at before I talk to her, I don't want to risk hurting her feelings unless necessary nor I want to risk us breaking up. As for crushes, I'm not sure if I ever had any. I realised that I confuse "crush" with admiration. Like, I get the feeling of being "attracted" to someone I admire (regardless of gender) but if I don't find them attractive I would never ever date them or do anything intimate. It probably doesn't make any sense and it confuses me too. In any case, I'm not sure how were these 2 crushes (admiration + physical attraction) actually crushes as I never had the traditional symptoms of feeling nervous, butterflies, blushing, whatnot that people usually associate with crushes (and it seriously sounds like they need medical help). I just found them hot and well established women (in both cases they mastered something I was learning). Though, usually I found this admiration for both sexes and then it boils down to: "Am I attracted to him/her or not? (S)He is not hot, so nah." Romance in media never interested me, quite the opposite, I find it very annoying and I usually skip over any scene that involves it. People just act so irrational and outright stupid often for no reason and usually don't even have anything in common. It completely escapes me how anyone could date a person with whom they have nothing in common with like Penny and Leonard from TBBT. I also never understood the "(s)he hurt me but I'm staying with her/him because I love him/her" it sounds like an excuse and a dumb one. As for relationships, my ideal one would be something like exclusive friends with benefits with very limited touching aside from sex. What are your thoughts?
  11. 4 points
    First of all, I feel the need to ask: Does he know you're posting this? You say "we" a lot, but you're the one asking the questions, and you don't seem to mention much about looking for answers together, or him looking for them on his own. I'm not saying this to accuse you of anything, or say that you can't be here, don't have a right to seek answers, etc.; I'm just concerned, coming from the other side. As a mostly closeted aro myself who went through a lot of struggles with other people telling me "Oh, you must be _____!" when I was questioning, I would feel very uncomfortable with someone close to me sharing details of my orientation online and asking strangers to label me, especially if it was without my knowledge. So while I can understand your dilemma, I just want to make sure I'm not invading anyone's privacy by trying to help you.
  12. 4 points
    This sort of scenario is not exclusive to single or aromantic people by a long shot, as evident by the apparent "loneliness epidemic" amongst the elderly including some of the plentiful baby-boomers. I find it hard to believe that aromantic lifestyles have much to do with this since only a tiny percentage of the elderly were never in a relationship let alone are aromantic. With perma-single people however they're a little more likely to end this way but remember not all are actually "lonely" and some willingly choose this path. Losing friends, peers and family when you're much older is inevitable and it's perhaps only those who already have large and extended families or constantly put in effort to make new friends (regardless of age) that leave life surrounded by their people. Those like me however are already feeling "alone" because we're surrounded by people who make us feel alone. Now that's the problem. In my case I have a few decades at least to worry about it but that's my problem and I couldn't care less at this point. At least people would stop expecting so much from me by then and maybe, just maybe, treat me with more respect....or at least leave me the hell alone. If I need help, I'll get professional help.
  13. 4 points
    A "wedding survival guide" sounds great! My sister is engaged and has asked me to be Maid of Honour at her wedding. There is no part of it that I'm not dreading! I've been to a few friends' weddings as well as family weddings, and not really noticed a difference between the two. I wouldn't worry about seeming repulsed at weddings. All eyes will be on the bride, so people are unlikely to notice unless you're actually making gagging noises! To make it all more palatable, try to focus on the non-romantic aspects of a wedding. There's usually something to enjoy, whether it's the food, the music, the crazy hats, etc. Also, there are often opportunities to escape for a while. A friend of mine got married at a stately home that had these beautiful grounds, so while she was getting her make-up done I went for a walk and climbed a tree. So I guess the best advice I can give is to wear sensible shoes so you can take advantage of escape opportunities!
  14. 4 points
    It's 20-fucking-18 when will people stop trying to claim the difference between bi and pan is whether or not they can be attracted to nb people
  15. 4 points
    Hi I'm Billy. I'm an aromantic asexual. I have been one as far as I can remember. I hope to make friends as soon as I get to know everyone.
  16. 4 points
    Women always talk about how men's hoodies have deep pockets and are so big and warm and comfortable... do they realize they can just go out and BUY men's hoodies? They don't have to steal them?
  17. 4 points
    Yeah, I've got the same nervousness going on too. I do have an aro flag pin on the bag I carry my art supplies in for school, but that's more of a "either people will recognize it or they won't" thing, not a "I'm going to tell everyone about this" thing. (And even the button makes me nervous, tbh, I've considered taking it off many times but I keep it because I want to prove to myself that I won't be beaten by arophobes, I guess? Idk.) I know my college has an LGBT group, but I suspect they're not aspec-friendly... None of their flyers, online info, or even their booth at the club fair mentioned anything other than literally L-G-B-T, not even pansexuality, and definitely not asexuality (much less aromanticism, but lbr, even ace-friendly people rarely know what it is). I mean, they didn't say they have anything against aspecs, but they also didn't say they support them, and the existence asexuality at least is fairly common knowledge in the LGBT+ community these days, so... Call me paranoid, but I don't trust them. : / Which sucks as someone who is also bi, tbh...
  18. 3 points
    Hi! Your whole post, it me! I have some feelings about this in general, and about your post in particular. So, I mostly identify as agender. I'm AMAB, I use he/him pronouns (though I don't care if someone uses any others), and I have a rather masculine presentation. I have a big bushy beard and facial features that our society would generally consider rather masculine. I wear men's clothing, but I don't really go out of my way to find clothing that is masculine. If anything, my clothing could be described as "plain". I quite like my body, especially my facial hair. I do know women who are into feminine clothing BECAUSE it is feminine and because wearing it reinforces their female identity. But not all women are like that. Some women wear clothing that isn't feminine and look for other ways to reinforce or validate their feminine identity. The gender scripts fall apart quickest when you examine the assumption that they are universal, because they objectively, provably are not. For me, the separations between presentation and identity are really apparent, but I think that's because I am sensitive to them. While I know that pretty much everyone in our culture would consider my beard to be inherently masculine, and I even understand why people would assume that, I get VERY irritated with anyone who says so. In my mind, my beard is just hair, and it doesn't have a gender, and someone calling me or my beard "manly" is misgendering me. I don't really relate to men as being "like me" at all. Honestly, I find most men pretty gross, and most of my friends are women. Male-only spaces are toxic as hell, and being in them for me has the double discomfort of feeling like I'm in a place where I don't belong and feeling utterly disgusted at men who think it's okay to be nasty and misogynistic when no women are around. I've also found that many men CONSTANTLY seek validation of their masculinity from other men when no women are around, and not much makes me feel more dysphoric than that, so I avoid being alone with men. Long before I realized that I'm trans, I avoided male-only spaces or any event or activity that would be divided along gender lines because I was always uncomfortable in them, like social dances, sports teams, and the like. In large venues, I'd go out of my way to find less-used public bathrooms so I wouldn't have to be in the men's bathroom with other men. In college, I lived on the top floor of a dorm with no elevators, and I would pretty frequently go down to the first floor where no men lived and use the men's bathroom there because I knew it would be empty. And this was with people I knew, trusted, and (more or less) liked. I think most the examples of expressing gender outside presentation are behavior. For example, my favorite alcoholic beverage is single malt scotch, which is considered a manly drink. I don't care what its gender association is, I just think it tastes good. You'd be hard pressed to find any men who would admit that they like colorful fruity cocktails, because they are considered feminine drinks. It may not be the case any more, but when I was a kid, video games were considered a hobby for boys only (and even then, only nerdy boys who couldn't cut it as sports jocks). There are tons of gendered communication patterns, too. Men are way more likely to make confident assertive statements, while women offering suggestions are usually going to add conditionals or pose it as optional or questionable. These are all socially trained responses. When a friend discloses an emotional dilemma or stressful situation, the "masculine" response is to brainstorm for solutions (or just straight up give unsolicited advice) and the "feminine" response is to express sympathy. A lot of emotional labor is also gendered. My girlfriend in college often said that my willingness and skill with discussing emotional content with sensitivity was very feminine, and that it was usurping her role in our relationship. It also bothered her that a lot of my friends saw me as a good person to discuss sensitive emotional issues with, and that her friends didn't see her that way. I've often been told that my lack of aggressiveness and my calmness are "unmasculine", to which I sometimes respond "Go fuck yourself, I'll be passive and calm all I want. Is that masculine enough for you?" Personally, I think people can "observe" my gender identity in my behavior. Or I like to think so. I think most people probably don't see past my big beard. Men are supposed to be emotionally constipated, so I like to express warmth (though depression and my naturally monotone voice doesn't help with this). Men are supposed to be emotionally stunted, so I express emotional sophistication and awareness. Men are supposed to be lascivious and quick to anger, so I'm sexually reserved and slow to anger. Men are supposed to be incapable of nurturing, so I go out of my way to be nurturing. Maybe I'm the only one who sees these behaviors as a gender rebellion, but I'm the only one who needs to see it. The only way I present a lack of masculinity in my appearance is my long hair, but even that isn't the case in a lot of the subcultures I hang out in, like long hair is normal for men in metal music and in wilderness enthusiasts. As for privilege, I do admit I have it and benefit from it, especially when it comes to professional settings or situations where I feel unsafe. Sometimes I use it to subvert things, though. Like if I see men being misogynistic, I'll call them out on it and present myself as a "fellow man", because they're far more likely to take me seriously if they see me as "one of us". I've also found that a lot of men are more willing to take advice about cultivating emotional awareness and sensitivity from someone they think is a man. But on the other hand, sometimes my friends that I'm out to will dismiss my criticisms of their cisnormativity because I'm trans. While I support the current movement against toxic masculinity and cultivating images of masculinity that are healthy, I have no desire to participate in them and my support for them is always at a distance. Even if I liked men and masculinity, I'm still not male and I still don't want to be seen as such. I guess for me there is a little bit of a paradox in that I have a strong desire to be seen as not male, but I maintain a masculine appearance, and my acts of gender rebellion decidedly avoid altering my appearance. I think it's because the paradox isn't something I hold, it's something everyone else holds. My appearance is my appearance, it's not inherently masculine, and in fact, since it is MY appearance, it's NOT masculine, because I'm not male. Everyone else assumes it's masculine, and that's their problem. Though it is interesting to note that in my dreams, I have a much more androgynous appearance. That's never failed to fascinate me.
  19. 3 points
    For me it's kind of hard to explain. I've thought about my gender a lot from time to time, especially in connection with my orientation. I see myself as a girl, other people see me as a girl, and while I'm cool with whatever pronouns, she/her is what I'm used to and what I prefer. But while I suppose I identify as female, and I do feel connected to womanhood and femaleness in many aspects, in other ways I don't identify that strongly with womanhood. Part of that comes from my orientation and not feeling as connected to my gender, I guess, because of it. As for physical presentation, I mostly present myself anywhere from androgynous to the androgynous side of feminine, if that makes sense, but if I had my way I'd present a bit more androgynous all the time. Most of that is personal comfort/style preference/just the way I like to look and what I think flatters my body type (hyper-feminine clothing typically doesn't). As for other forms of expression, it gets a little complicated and a lot more subconscious and I've been thinking through it a lot. I don't associate the way I think, feel, or behave with my gender, and it bothers me when people tie my personality or mannerisms to my femaleness (especially because that's usually sexist). But I often catch myself behaving slightly differently around people depending on their gender and the way I want them to think of me. I especially notice this when I'm hanging around guys. I think this comes from my orientation rather than my gender, because guys are much more likely to perceive me as a potential romantic interest or a threat to their existing relationships, and I want to avoid that, even if that means playing into the idea of being "not like other girls," as problematic as that line of thinking can be. Mostly, my identity and expression of gender are tied to my orientation and the way I want others to perceive me in all aspects, not just in my gender. I want people to see me as a girl, but I want that to not matter. I am a girl, but I don't want me being a girl to come with additional baggage that I have to keep working to cast overboard the more I get to know someone.
  20. 3 points
    While I sympathize with your confusion, you're really the only one who can answer any question about what you are and what you want. A lot of the experiences you have shared sound like some kind of attraction or another, but us aromantics are notoriously poor judges of that sort of thing. It's still possible to get married and have children as an aromantic, as long as you and your partner communicate about your feelings and desires. I've certainly known people who got married and had children together because they wanted to raise a family, but weren't attracted to each other. It also sounds like you're into more than just the mainstream model of marriage, so that's something to consider. Polyamorous people, for example, can still get married to only one person and have children exclusively with that person if that's what they want, and have other intimate relationships as well. I know a lot of poly people who essentially live the television suburban life with their cohabiting partner, white picket fence, big house, SUV to take the kids to soccer practice, and then pursue their other desires in other relationships. It's also possible to engage in romantic relationships as an aromantic. For me, romantic relationships get better with time, if my partner is understanding about how attraction and intimacy work for me. But it takes lots of time. I always start off feeling very awkward and uncertain, and I mostly just ride my partner's enthusiasm and interest vicariously. As long as I'm enjoying our conversation (food helps) and our values are compatible, I can usually have a good time. Eventually (after months or even a year), I start feeling attached to them, and then I feel like I'm actually engaging in the relationship, even if I don't feel romantic attraction. Also, I've worked really hard at cultivating strong communication skills so I can contribute to building the relationship. I guess that's always been the big difference between me and alloromantics. Alloromantics "fall in love", I build attachment. It's not for everyone, but it has worked for me a few times. But whatever the case may be for you, it sounds like you'd benefit from exploring yourself. Have you considered counseling? I've found that trained therapists are really good at guiding this sort of thing. A therapist who focuses on queer identities might be a good fit.
  21. 3 points
    yeah my aro identity feels like it has a much bigger affect on my like than my ace one. I guess since I'll never date, the fact I don't feel sexual attraction doesn't really matter? Plus the asexual community feels to me like it caters primarily to alloromantic asexuals so I feel excluded there and more welcome in the aro community.
  22. 3 points
    I'm aroace and I've always felt that being aromantic is more important to me, possibly because it affects my daily life more. Like, being asexual is important but it doesn't affect specifically affect me; it would come up more if I were in a romantic relationship, but I'm not. Being aromantic ties into my life more, it affects my plans for the future, and I'm constantly reminded of it by our amatonormative society. While outwardly I may seem more ace because I like the ACEthetic, internally being aromantic is what I feel deep in the core of who I am.
  23. 3 points
    k so sometimes when my romance repulsion is very bad it has manifested as feeling hot, shaky, sick etc. and I wondered if that's common in aromantics? I'm also very interested in what triggers romance repulsion/how it feels in general so any other personal experiences would be welcome knowledge.
  24. 3 points
    I struggled a long time with not being able to find a label for myself, and feeling lesser or alone because of it, but now I almost wish I could go back to that time. Ever since becoming aware of my aro-ness, I've honestly felt worse than I have in a long time- not because I think being aro is bad, but because of amatonormativity, arophobia, the fear of spending my life alone, etc. I know nothing should really have changed, since I've always been aro, by all means I should feel better now that I know what I am... But I guess ignorance is bliss, or whatever
  25. 3 points
    I realized that in my four years of identifying as aro, I have not once actually actively come out to someone 100% of my own free will without feeling obligated or coerced into doing it. Anyone who knows I either didn't have to tell or felt forced to tell.
  26. 3 points
  27. 3 points
    My impression is that a QPR is not really functionally any different from an important long-term friendship (which may or may not involve sex) but that people wanted a separate word here because most of us these days tend to associate friendship with something rather disposable, where people would not make explicit commitments to one another (e.g. living together long term, adopting children together, etc.). It also strikes me that a QPR, as I understand the term, isn't really functionally different from how a long-term happily married couple might operate. Given that the initial strong romantic infatuation wouldn't be there anymore in the latter case, but the friendship and affectionate feelings would remain and strengthen over time. If only there was a way for aros interested in QPRs with allos to skip those problematic initial steps
  28. 3 points
    How did I just find this? For about almost 3 years now, I've been identifying as an aromantic asexual, and I have an account on AVEN under the same name. I don't know how I just found this, but I thought I'd make an account here too and say hi. I have come out to most people, and am glad to say that I have only had one bad encounter, and that I no longer talk to that person. A couple random things about me: I am currently learning both Spanish and Japanese I personally know 2 other asexuals in real life, and know that there is one other at my school but I don't quite know who they are. My favorite color is either dark gray or dark blue. I have played flute for almost 10 years now.
  29. 3 points
    hey aro "allies": boost our voices, maybe, instead of just preaching about how Valid we are (i'm salty and also preaching to the choir, but then again that's not new)
  30. 3 points
    I've come out to a lot of people. I started with my Mom though, explaining the difference between aromaticism and asexuality and that I thought I fit both. She said okay, and that was that. I think she saw it coming, even if she didn't know the labels for it. Then I figured my friend that's a boy who I "friendzoned at prom" deserved an explanation, and he took it pretty well even if he wasn't a fan of labelling things. From that point on I just got cocky. I joined the lgbt+ group at my school, and they booked me a table in the school during aro-spec week so I could hand out aero bars and pamphlets. I've been surprised by how readily accepting people are. I've had a bunch people tell me, "I had no idea that was a thing, that's so cool!" Keep in mind though that this was at university, where people choose to be enlightened. One way you could go is just be like Hey, I learned that this exists, and if the person's like Hey that's cool then you can be like Btw I'm it, and if not then you're not in too deep. *shrug*
  31. 3 points
    I am feeling good about things right now. Like I am sitting on a little bubble of calm positivity.
  32. 3 points
    Due to where I was previously working and other places where my family are working there was much interaction with older frail or dying people. The issues you speak about are quite common so most regions would have certain resources available, though it would greatly vary from place to place as generally it is something local and personal rather than a national programme. All the information I have is for specific regional areas of Australia so for peace of mind you should investigate locally to yourself. For general examples, you could have your neighbour as an emergency contact, or a godchild if you end up being a godmother/father to any of your friends kids, or even someone you have a friendly connection with like an accountant or gardener. Always with their permission first of course. If you truly want to live like a hermit in an anonymous apartment block and know no one you might have a problem as I think emergency contact advocates are appointed for victims of crimes only. For more critical things like power of attorney it can be bypassed in some cases by having a life plan registered with a healthcare service, many aged care services have some sort of option to write something up so that if you have a stroke or something they have your wishes written out. I believe that at any point you can go to your local hospital and fill out a 'do not resuscitate' form to be added to your file. It just takes planning ahead and knowing what you want.
  33. 3 points
    Awkward greetings! You can call me Al, Sinu, or any variation of my username you see fit. I'm a 22 year old from the U.S.A, who lives to love animals and read books- among other things. Uhm, besides that, I suppose I should state basics: I consider myself Demiromantic, though I've contemplated whether I am fully Aromantic at times. However, I don't think that's accurate for myself, hence my sticking with Demi. It's something I don't tend to think about often, until I'm faced with romantic situations and then i'm just a mess of anxieties and questions hahaha. I didn't realize there was a solid term for this until about 2 years ago, even though I was in the LGBTQ+ community long before then. I knew of romantic orientations, but it never really clicked that I was Demi until I did a bit of introspection and had a few revelations. ANYWAYS. I joined the forums because I was going through a whirlwind of conflicted thoughts one night and looking for websites or blogs of demiromantics to feel some sense of community, and maybe get advice on things- and then I stumbled upon this place!! It was a very nice surprise, and I hope to be active here. Other fun facts! I like puns, comic books, platonic affection, writing, and even though it takes me years to finish them- video games. I identify as Queer, but more specifically I'm your friendly neighborhood pandemonium causing Pansexual.
  34. 3 points
    As an aromantic pansexual, I feel those feels a lot! Normally, if I'm feeling very strongly about someone but can't figure out exactly how, I try to articulate my feelings by asking myself a series of questions: Do I think they're pretty? (Aesthetic) Do I want to be physically close? (Sensual) Do I find them interesting/want to hang out with them and get to know better? (Platonic) Do I want to bang them? (Sexual) Do I want to intertwine my life with theirs/be romantic? (Ha, no, never) I have a difficult time figuring out if a particularly strong platonic-aesthetic-sensual-sexual combo of feelings is romantic or not. It kind of feels like it, because I genuinely care deeply about the person and love being around them, and it doesn't help that I don't really know what romantic attraction is (shouldn't it be similar??). It helps that I was in a relationship with a very romantic person, so usually I just picture the person doing the kind of things my ex would do (like flowers, introducing me as a partner, expressing their romantic feelings, etc.) and note how it makes me feel - usually, uncomfortable lol. So you could try those strategies to help clarify your feelings toward someone, and figure out if it's romantic or not. If you don't have personal experience with someone being romantic towards you, picture the person doing a romantic gesture from a movie, and note what your initial reaction is.
  35. 3 points
    Puns. I'm 29, I live in rainy Wales. I came to conclusion of being aro in the possible worst time - after I'v got engaged to my boyfriend. That's a separate story tho... My favourite things to do are: drawing, cooking, reading, buying clothes and dressing up. Main reason of setting up an account is to learn about myself and other people and their experiences. I find it difficult to make any friends but I will hope for the best. So - Hi.
  36. 3 points
    Hi! I'm kind of new, even though I've been reading posts here for months, today I decided to sign up. I guess it's my first step to accept myself as aro. So, my name is Anahi (Ana for short) and I'm from Argentina. I had never heard the word 'aromantic' in my life until I came across it while I was on Tumblr a few months ago. And it was shocking how identified I felt. I'm still trying to figure it out so I haven't told my friends. My main concern is that they may not understand. Right now I know they want me to ~fall in love~ like them. That's mainly why I'm here, I don't have anyone to identify with. So yeah that's it. Sorry if my English it's not the best and hi😄
  37. 3 points
    He's definitely very allo. We were actually in a "romantic" relationship for 1.5 years more than a decade ago, and I think that's a big part of what led me to realize that this relationship stuff doesn't really work for me. So I had to break that off, but I made it clear I definitely still wanted to be friends... and it hasn't been completely smooth sailing or whatever, but somehow it works. So, yay. Every now and then he says he's still in love with me, which makes me cringe, but I know that's just his way of loving, and I can appreciate it for what it is. I suppose it's harder for him to appreciate my way of loving, since it doesn't really fit in the conventional boxes, and it's hard for me to explain, and most of the time my feelings for humans are almost non-existant... but as long as we communicate and sort out our differences in a civilized way, it works.
  38. 3 points
    Hey @Costati I'm 32. Things change as you get older, I guess. Some change is good and some less so. I miss the amount of spontaneous interaction with big groups of friends I had when I was youger. As your friends get older, they do tend to disperse, pair off, start families, and other things like work pressures also eat up that 'spontaneous' time. So that sucks a bit (but hey, as @Apathetic Echidna pointed out, there's always the possibility of making a totally new set of friends!) On the plus side, as you get older, I think it becomes easier to make peace with having a different set of priorities to most people and to care less what they might think about yours. Which segues nicely into... Someone at the meditation place I go to once described one of the goals or benefits of the activity as "finding a secure place inside". If you've got that, from meditation, or whatever, it doesn't really matter what other people say or think about your lifestyle (within reason; I don't mean to trivialize the contexts where social disapproval can actually get people - women in particular - killed, but I'd hope and assume you'd not at risk of that?). I mean, realistically, what is the worst that people who disapprove of your choices can do? (Tut loudly?! ) And how likely would they be to actually do so? If you consider those questions, you may find that your fears are being exaggerated in your imagination? So I'm kind of a hard-core stoic in that sense . Here's some advice from Epictetus for you (more here) Oh, and welcome to the forums, since I don't think we've met so far
  39. 3 points
    Oh man, that's pretty much exactly what I want... If you don't mind me asking, is your friend alloromantic or aromantic? And if they are alloromantic, does it effect anything or play much into both of you living together?
  40. 3 points
    YMBAI when you try the hardest to fit into society's idea of 'relationship' and it leaves you just more, and more depressed.
  41. 3 points
    yeah my school's LGBT club is gonna start up next Tuesday and I'm kinda scared? I know some of the people who are gonna go too and most of them I know are aro friendly, but I'm still scared I'll be too nervous to talk about aro issues or that the group won't really feel like a safe space for me. There probably won't be any other aromantics and I'm worried I'll be a footnote or that discussions will perpetuate arophobic rhetoric and I won't feel comfortable calling that out. On the other hand I talked to a new-ish lesbian friend today (who'll definitely be going) about shared experiences with thinking we liked boys and she didn't seem to think I was out of my lane or anything so maybe it will be good?
  42. 3 points
    I don't know about you guys, but I definitely didn't grow up having dreams of finding "the one" forced upon me. My mom raised me pretty much by herself, and she didn't date so that she could focus on raising me. The only displays of romantic attraction I can recall from her were romantic-aesthetic (as in, bookmarking all the movies on Netflix with a certain good-looking actor in it) and not frequent. I was not teased about who I "liked", and the prospect of marriage was optional. I certainly don't blame her for being cynical about relationships, but nevertheless I adopted the attitude that women were vultures, scooping up every good man that was out there. Then, it was my senior year, and I planned to move into the dorms of the university in town that next fall. And she started dating. And she found somebody. I ship them, honestly. He's sweet (to both of us), and he can cook, and they are in love. But I didn't meet him until they had been dating for eight months. So I saw how someone could fall in love, and still keep their head. She didn't introduce us until she was sure he would be sticking around for a while. I know a lot of people associate romantic attraction with recklessness, overoptimism, and just general lack of logic. That wasn't the case for me. I knew you could be allo, and not dream of marriage. I knew you could be allo, and have your priorities in place. I knew you could be allo, without getting carried away. Maybe that made it harder for me to realize I was aro, but maybe that also made it easier, since romance wasn't a dominant force in my life. So my question is, who else here feels their upbringing influenced their attitude towards romance?
  43. 3 points
    Me, who has "ANTI-PEDOPHILIA" in her blog title in all caps, is very vocal about it: (Posts pictures of two very reasonable, mature, and modest dresses) Hey guys, I'm trying to expand my lolita wardrobe, which should I buy? Some dumbass anon who has apparently never heard of the concept of homophones and can't be bothered to take two seconds to google anything: Ummmm have you tried not sexualizing children you scum :/// Do you even know what that book is about :////////
  44. 3 points
    Hi there I'm Elinor, I'm a lonely aro seeking a feeling of belonging... I talk about aro issues on my tumblr (also arokaladin!) and have a couple aro centric fics on my ao3 (NothingRiddikulus) but other than that have no way of connecting to the aro community and I'm really eager to meet people I can relate to and have some of that sweet sweet intracommunity discussion. I'm forever salty that finding other aros in real life is impossible, and ready to be submerged in an entirely aro environment. As for other interests I'm into the stormlight archive in a big way, enjoy cosplay and other sewing, and have two rats who I love dearly. These interests often overlap. Also I don't understand social media at all and forums scare the life out of me but I'm here anyway. Please help.
  45. 3 points
    YES !!! YES TO THAT ! Give that woman a cookie ! It's unnerving how people think that 'being nice at someone' is often linked as ' being sexually/romantically interested at that person'. Like, no ? Dude ? I'm just a respectful human being, of course, I'd be nice at you ! Or do you want me to always wear a shirt saying "No Romo, bro "
  46. 3 points
    You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.
  47. 2 points
    I just get, like, a general feeling of discomfort/disgust, but if it's real bad (the sound of kissing in particular is real bad for me) sometimes it feels more physical. I can't explain it, as it's so in the moment and often brief.
  48. 2 points
    Thank you for welcoming me! And yeah, I'm getting pretty good in Spanish (at least I think so), but I'm just starting Japanese. I use the duolingo app to help me learn.
  49. 2 points
    You can say Voltron, it's ok (NO BUT FOR REAL THOUGH. THIS IS TRUE AND I HATE IT.)
  50. 2 points
    You had a crush on someone, though! (As lots of aros make up crushes or were just simply confusing them with squishes like me) But you watched a rom com the other day/romantic book etc.