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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/22/2018 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    Something I've noticed about people in romantic relationships, is that the concept of compromise in a relationship can lead to people compromising a piece of themselves. For example, I was once rocking a pair of five inch heels, and my friend loved them. She really wanted a pair of shoes like them, but her boyfriend doesn't like when she's taller than him, so she doesn't wear heels anymore. Or in a more extreme example, my mom has a friend who had a phd in rocket science and worked at nasa. When he married his wife, she didn't like how much time he devoted to work, so he gave all of that up to be a high school teacher. This idea of giving up a piece of yourself so that someone else will love/continue loving you is so alien. I always thought that if anyone was going to love me, they would have to love all of me, heels, career and all. And now, knowing that I'm aromantic, well, I'm not sure how those things play into my life. Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts and see if anyone else had similar feelings.
  2. 6 points
    so ive taken a liking to crocheting and am almost done with a striped blanket which got be thinking that it would be pretty cool to make an aro flag blanket
  3. 6 points
    Wow Kricket, that sounds tough! I think that sometimes society treats orientation too restrictively, while in truth, it exists on spectrum that is often in flux. Some people will waiver between a few orientations their entire life, and there is nothing wrong with that! It is quite possible that you might be a grey-romantic and/or grey-ace identity, or you might even be in an undefined part of the spectrum. it's okay to try to figure out who you really are, and you most certainly should not feel like you are living a lie. Surround yourself with allies, and let them be part of your journey. As for talking about this with other people, keep in mind that many people are ignorant of aromanticism and asexuality. Some will react in a bemused way, others might try to dissuade you from being aroace entirely, just remember to stay true to yourself. In time, your true friends will accept you for who you are, regardless of your romantic and sexual identities.
  4. 6 points
    i totally agree! it bothers me so much. people say a good relationship requires compromise, but i say two or more people who are compatible and who love and respect each other shouldn't need to totally change themselves or give up major life goals. if you need someone to do that, you're not compatible, you don't love them for who they are, you don't respect them, and you don't deserve them. and if you feel the need to do that for a partner, you don't respect yourself. rather than "if you love them enough you'll do anything," i say if you love yourself enough, you won't. you have to love and respect yourself before you even think about loving someone else. plus, shouldn't you have talked about this stuff in advance? like your feelings about having kids and careers, what would happen if one of you needed to relocate, etc. it's the same thing with fighting. people say fights are a normal, healthy part of relationships, and i'm not saying you'll never disagree or you shouldn't express your feelings, not at all--i'm saying: 1) if you can't seem to agree on anything and you're always driving each other crazy, then again, you're probably not compatible, and 2) when issues do arise, you shouldn't fight; you should have a mature, respectful, and open conversation. my best friend and i have been friends for 14 years and we've never fought. but you know, allos don't think about this stuff the same way in terms of non-romantic relationships. we've all seen people ditch close friends of many years for a romantic partner of a couple weeks. they do this crazy stuff for people they barely know, and who will probably not be in their life for very long (but either way it's rude and bizarre), because this is the thing: to them, romantic love/relationships are more important than anything. it's this whole 'other half/significant other' thing--if you don't even think of yourself as a complete, significant person without a romantic partner, it makes sense that you'd abandon not only everyone else in your life for them but yourself as well. if you don't have a strong sense of self, it's not like you're actually leaving much behind. you know? imagine feeling that way. i can't. it's sad, really.
  5. 5 points
    I’ve noticed that the color green seems really appealing to me now lol. I wonder if it’s a subconscious thing because I’ve finally accepted my aro-ness.
  6. 5 points
    There's something like this on AVEN, but I haven't seen it here (although I admittedly didn't look too hard). The idea is to get people talking to each other. So if anyone wans more private conversation to make friends, comment on here, and pm someone that you've never pm-ed before. And maybe tell some things that you're interested in so people know what to chat about.
  7. 4 points
    hello! you may call me remy on here. i joined this forum so i could learn more about aromanticism and talk to people who are aromantic themselves! i am currently questioning where and if i fall on the aromantic spectrum.
  8. 4 points
    Oh, I totally get this! like even a lot of alloro people dislike new years when they have no one to kiss, I never understood why there wasn't a more inclusive tradition. This year I convinced all my friends to do fistbumps at midnight instead of kisses and tbh, it was much better. I did have one friend who went around giving everyone cheek smooches, but they know I'm touch averse so they bopped me on the cheek with the end of a party blower instead. We also did a lot of group dancing and partner switching so that everyone was included in dancing if they wanted to be. So like, I think you can do a less romance oriented New years, but it takes some effort and you have to get all your friends onboard first.
  9. 4 points
    As yet another romance repulsed, sex repulsed, touch averse aroace who is fairly distant when it comes to emotions and such I've found that the best solution to this is to recognize what my own personal ways of showing affection for people are and communicating that to my friends so that they understand the intentions behind my actions. I don't tend to tell my friends that I love them, but I know exactly how all of my friends take their tea, and they all know that if I make tea for them without having to ask how they want it then that's a sign of affection. I've expressed that I wouldn't remember these things if I didn't care and they know that. I don't like cuddling despite having very cuddly friends, but my friends and I all like star trek, so if I want to show physical affection I give them a Vulcan kiss (touching your index and middle finger to there's) because that's what I'm comfortable with and they get that. And if I hadn't explained these things to them they would probably find me to be very rigged and distant, but since I have explained it to them they totally understand what I'm trying to communicate. And tbh, that approach has been significantly better than trying to force myself to give more standard expressions of affection. I used to try and be more typically affectionate and the fact of the matter was that I didn't enjoy it and my friends could always tell it was forced and It was simply unfulfilling all the way around. Just saying "hey, I express my love for y'all in these ways as opposed to these other more typical ways" has been very helpful and I would recommend it.
  10. 4 points
    I love this idea since I really want some closer internet friendships! Honestly I don't really like making friends solely based on interests because I don't think that liking the same TV show means that two people are destined to be friends. With that being said, though, I do understand that similar interests can be a good conversation starter. I like reading, watching TV shows, playing the guitar and listening to music. If you like Supernatural and/or Arctic Monkeys that is a plus because I don't have any friends that like those things! Feel free to message me
  11. 4 points
    Rogue One broke away from that cliche and just had them hug as they waited for death. It felt so much more meaningful than if they had kissed while waiting to die. It just seems that they need to fill up an aspect of the folm and they resort to the easy answer of romantic subplot, just get over it already!!!
  12. 3 points
    I had a tumblr where I basically vented and reblogged a bunch of aro stuff I resonated with. But after that stupid update thing in December the site just...bleh. Wasn’t a perfect place to begin with, but I learned a lot there. How to human. About autism. I made new friends (I’m pretty sure we’re all friends now, not acquaintances. But I’ve squishes on two of them, and they’re dating so it’s...interesting.) All my tumblr blogs are gone. I deleted them. I’m done with that site. Twitter is too public. I was a little hysterical with trying to find other aros like me. So, I’m very glad to be here. I hope it’s not as dead as I think it is.
  13. 3 points
    Have you ever been romantic zoned? That to say, met someone who you thought was very great and you really wanted to be friends with but they got romantic feelings for you and could never see you any other way? I think romantic zoned (or maybe romance zoned) is a much more useful term than friend zoned. Because really all "friend zoned" really means is that the person want some other relationship than romantic with the person in question. Is there perhaps already another term for this? There should be one so we can have pop culture discussions about how bad we feel for different characters getting romance zoned by people they really care for.
  14. 3 points
    So there's this thing in almost every movie, when the main characters need to save the world or their asses and out of nowhere boom! Romance. Why do you need to ruin a scene full of action and stuff with a romantic kiss or confession? You want romance? go watch a romantic movie. Like, dude you're in danger, evil forces are after you just run, kissing will not save your ass. And also, what's with the Tina and Newt thing in FB2? Why? Just DON'T. P.S. sorry for my grammatical mistakes.
  15. 3 points
    I can't speak on "friends asking if you had a crush" or anything like that, since I had very few lasting friendships throughout school, but I distinctly remember being sick to death of media with any kind of romantic themes by the time I was, like, 14. It was like, there are so many other things to write about... Why is everyone focusing on this weird theme? Growing up in a Christian family, I thought it was like, marriage propaganda. And it wasn't until about a year or two ago that I asked myself, wait, people actually do that? Like in real life? It was a weird experience.
  16. 3 points
    i remember when i was asked out for the first time, i was mentally doing the math on whether or not i actually liked the guy before saying yes. my sister said it best, most recently: if you have to think about it, the answer is probably no. i've never really felt those strong feelings everyone talks about. i thought everyone was faking it until recently. missed the boat on that, huh? whoops.
  17. 3 points
    I'm actually almost never around people who are part of a couple? At home anyways, so I often forget about the whole kissing tradition. I never thought of it as Holiday with specific traditions, just a sort of free for all celebration. Of course it's also my bro's bday so it's always just been a family event for me. But I can def see how it could be hard if the people you know are all going off with their partners. It feels like romantics try to make every holiday about being with their partner, so maybe it isn't surprising they do that to to New Years as well.
  18. 3 points
    Hey and Welcome! amen to that! Friendships are hard, especially when it seem many people have wildly different understandings of what a friendship is (like the mentor I had once who said we were friends and I had to say sure even though I low-key hated them and would have called our relationship a tolerably functional colleague-level working relationship), so even if you do put yourself out there, stretching the limits of what you are comfortable with, it is still possible you will get burned from their ignorance and assumptions (sorry for the downer). The up side is that if you have/find someone where conversation flows easily it is not too hard to bring the intimacy level up. You don't need to specifically dissect your feelings for your friends but finding common ground whenever and wherever you can is a great thing and sharing opinions! but the most important thing of all from all of this is remembering the details they tell you because bringing them up at a later date can show them you care. Using the same logic you can discover how dedicated to your friendship they are. This is the process I use with some of my friends, it is generally quite good but I have been burned by someone who doesn't really care but had very good memory recall. Who knows, you may do this already, it is just what I have found that helps me build relationships with reserved or touch-repulsed people.
  19. 3 points
    CHRISTMAS IS NOT MCFUCKING OVER YOU GRINGO FOOLS. CHRISTMAS AIN'T OVER UNTIL THREE KINGS DAY. THERE'S 10 MORE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS LEFT, SMH
  20. 3 points
    I always thought of falling in love and romantic relationships as something funny. My thinking was along the line of: if they want to have sex, why don't they just do it? Why the silly talk about hearts and promises and stuff. At 8 I also wanted to be a priest (Catholic), because they don't have to marry!
  21. 3 points
    I would like to be part of that. I've found that it's hard to find other aros anywhere near me and it is definitely hard to make friends in a society that values romance so much more than friendship.
  22. 3 points
    i found a good one today, lads. so i'd read rick riordan's 'heroes of olympus' series and thought it would be awesome if there were an aro child of aphrodite but i hadn't considered piper, 'cause, you know, jason. then they show up in 'the trials of apollo' series ('the burning maze' spoilers ahead) and they've broken up and these lines of dialogue had me like 👀: piper: jason's great. he's my closest friend, even more than annabeth. but whatever i thought was there, my happily-ever-after...it just wasn't. apollo: your relationship was born in crisis. such romances are difficult to sustain once the crisis is over. piper: it wasn't just that. apollo: *anecdote about an ex* piper: it was me. apollo: what do you mean it was you? you mean you realized you didn't love jason? that's no one's fault. narration: she grimaced, as if i (apollo) still hadn't grasped what she meant...or perhaps she wan't sure herself. piper: i know it's nobody's fault. i do love him. but...like i told you, hera forced us together--the marriage goddess, arranging a happy couple. my memories of starting to date jason, our first few months together, were a total illusion. then, as soon as i found that out, before i could even process what it meant, aphrodite claimed me. my mom, the goddess of love. aphrodite pushed me into thinking i was...that i needed to...look at me, the great charmspeaker (she has the power to bend people to her will with her words). i don't even have words. aphrodite expects her daughters to wrap men around our little fingers, break their hearts, et cetera. apollo: yes. your mother has definite ideas about how romance should be. piper: so if you take that away, the goddess of marriage pushing me to settle down with a nice boy, the goddess of love pushing me to be the perfect romantic lady or whatever-- apollo: you're wondering who you are without all that pressure. ohhh man. it's perfect. and rick's sooo great with representation that...i mean, not getting my hopes up, but how awesome would a canon aro piper be? anyway, that's one of my favourite headcanons of all time.
  23. 3 points
    http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/ Originally posted by Amy Ghost in the link above at AVEN and copied here. Enjoy! Orientations Abroromantic - Is someone who experiences a fluid or rapidly changing romantic attraction to different gender expressions. Acoromantic - Is someone whose negative experiences with romance has alienated them from their allo-romanticism. Adfecturomantic/Affecturomantic/Adfectual/Adfomantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction is affected by their neurodivergency. Alloromantic/Zedromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to other people. Also commonly just called a “romantic person.” Alterous - Is someone who can't be described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic). Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic. More examples: Androalterous/Manalterous* - Alterous attraction to men and/or masculinity. Gynealterous/ Womanalterous* - Alterous attraction to women and/or femininity. Panalterous - Alterous attraction towards people regardless of sex and gender. Polyalterous - Alterous attraction towards people of more than one multiple sexes and gender, yet not all. Heteroalterous - Alterous attraction towards the opposite sex or gender. Androromantic -Is someone who is romantically attracted to masculinity, the male sex and male identifying/presenting people. Apathromantic (The root word being Apathy) - Is someone whose orientation form of "romance indifferent" which can also be used as a title. It does not distinguish if the person does or does not have romantic attraction, but just that they are indifferent in receiving it or acting it out. Apothiroromantic - Is someone who (also known as anti-romantic, or romance repulsion) is an aromantic that does not experience any romantic attraction whatsoever, in any shape or form, and is romance-repulsed. They do not wish to be in any type of romantic relationship. Apresromantic - Is someone who only experiences a romantic attraction after another form of attraction is felt. The original attraction may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction. Aroflux - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum & is defined as..... someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates but always stays on the aro spectrum. (ex. one day you're demiro, another day lithro, the next aro, etc) someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates from, experiencing romantic attraction, some romantic attraction, & experiencing no romantic attraction. some people who are aroflux feel as if they are alloromantic at times, while other aroflux people don't feel that way. aroflux people can be romance repulsed, romance indifferent / neutral/apathetic towards romance, or romance positive. & can have any sexual orientation. Aromantic - Is someone who does not feel romantic attraction. Arovague - Is someone whose status as an aromantic is uncertain or affected by mood. Autochorisromantic/Aegoromantic - Is someone who enjoys the idea of romance, but not wishing to be a participant in romantic activities (based off of autochorissexual / a disconnection between oneself and a romantic target or fantasy). Bellusromantic - Is someone who is fine with cute fluffy stuff with anyone but you don't want a relationship at all / not necessarily arospec identity, similar to nonamory. The prefix comes from the Italy “bella” meaning “pretty.” Biromantic - Is someone who enjoys behavior typically associated with dating and love, like cuddling, hugging, gift-giving, love notes, but probably not kissing, etc. and enjoys it with two sexes or genders. Borearomantic - Is someone who has a set romantic orientation but with an exception. Burstromantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction comes and goes but does not specify if it has a reason or not. Caedromantic - Is someone who used to experience romantic attractions, but no longer does due to past trauma. Cupioromantic - Is someone who is described as aromantic (people who never experience romantic attraction) who still desire a romantic relationship. Is a subset of aromantic. Demiromantic - Is someone who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. Demiromantics do not experience primary romantic attraction, but they are capable of secondary romantic attraction. Frayromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards strangers and people you are less familiar with, which fades away when you get to know them more Grayromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. For example, a gray-romantic may: Experience romantic attraction but not very often. But when so, it is usual strong attraction. Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships. Also used as a catch-all for other non aromantic, non alloromantic/zedromantic orientations, like demiromantic and lithromantic. Gyneromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to femininity, the female sex and female identifying/presenting people. Heteroromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the oppostite sex or gender in a romantic way. Homoromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the same sex or gender in a romantic way. Hyperromantic - is someone who is extremely or excessively romantic. Hyporomantic - Hypo is from Greek and means low. Quite the opposite of Hyper. And as Hyposexual mean low sex-drive, this is it's romantic synonym. Low romantic drive. Idemromantic - Is someone who does not internally experience romantic and platonic attraction differently; they distinguish between romantic and platonic based on other factors. "Idem" means "the same" in Latin. Idemromantic people categorize their interest in others as romantic instead of platonic based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. However, their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend or beloved family member. They may pursue platonic, quasiplatonic, romantic, or no relationships. Lithromantic/Aporomantic/Akoi(ne)romantic - Is someone who can feel a romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy romantic relationships in theory, but not needing that affection to be reciprocated or be in a relationship with the one the feelings are directed towards. Either that, or they may stop feeling the attraction once in a relationship or stop enjoying it. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "litho." It was first coined referring to Lesbian Butch culture and some lesbians object to it being appropriated to describe a sexuality/romanticism. Nebularomantic - Is someone who has a hard time or cannot tell romantic attraction apart from platonic due to being quoiroromantic or due to their neurodivergency. Noviromantic - Is someone who experiences a complicated romantic attraction (or lack thereof) such that they do not feel it can be described in a single term Omniaromantic - Is someone who feels no romantic attraction whatsoever. In no way, shape, or form do they fall in love or feel any attraction to anyone. They are completely non-romantic, and will not fall in love no matter how long they stay with someone or any other factor that could/would lead to a romantic interest in any other type of aromantic or alloromantic relationships. They do not wish to be in any romantic relationships,are not attracted to anyone. (Excepting experimentation.) They are asensual, have no aesthetic attraction to others, and no squishes. They can experience platonic love or familial love, though not all do so. This term was made to made a distinguish between being on the aromantic spectrum and specify from the common definition of a aromantic person, since saying someone is "aromantic" could mean they could be demiromantic, gray-aromantic, and such other types of aromantics who do feel sensual, have aesthetic attraction and such. Panromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the others sex or gender. Panromantics will tend to feel that their partner's sex and/or gender does little to define their relationship. Placioromantic - Is someone who feels little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts performed on them but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else. Not necessarily arospec, but a useful term for the community. The prefix for this term comes from the Latin word “placere” meaning “to please.” Polyromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards people of more than one sex or gender, but not all. Unlike panromantic, this term implies that sex or gender is still a factor in attraction, and it does not imply the gender binary as biromantic does. Post rubor - Is someone who quickly gets crushes/squishes/etc on others, but after the initial excitement of said crush/etc vanishes so do their feelings. Proquuromantic - Is someone masculine who only experiences romantic attractions to those perceived as also being masculine. Quasiromantic - Is someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc. Queerplatonic - A queerplatonic relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all. Quoiromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic or Whatromantic or Platoniromantic. Recipromantic - Is someone who only feels romantic attraction only if the other person feels romantic attraction to them at first. If there is no one around to feel romantic attraction to them, largely recipromantics may feel like simply defining themselves as aromantic describes their experiences just fine. Requi(es)romantic - Is someone who feels little to no romantic attraction due to some mental or emotional exhaustion, the exhaustion might have been caused by bad experiences of romance during that person's history. Sapioromantic - Is someone who is attracted to intelligence or human minds. Schromantic - Is someone who is aromantic and romantic at the same time, or some mix of the two. (A term used here on AVEN) (describing romanticism in terms of Schrödinger’s cat as having the possibility of being romantic and aromantic at the same time). Skilo/Ceteroromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards non-binary genders. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "skolio." It is very similar to "scolio," which means crooked, twisted or bent. Lately the prefix "cetero" has started to be used instead of "skolio." Transromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to people that they perceive as being transgender. Related Helpful Terms Amatonormativity - A tendency of society to treat romantic relationships as more valuable than non-romantic ones. Aromate - A platonic friend who’s pretty much your soul-mate but in a friend way. you’d totally hold their hand and take them out to movies though. In other words Aromantic partner. Lush - A sensual equivalent of a squish or crush. Nonamory - Not wanting to form romantic relationships no matter one's orientation. Peach Fuzz - When people in queer platonic relationships pretend their partnership is a romantic one to stave off questions from family and friends. Plush - Queer platonic crush, strong desire to join in a qeer platonic relationship with someone. Soft Romo - Low level romance/romantic attraction/crush/etc. Smush - A sexual crush aka Lust. Swish - An aesthetic crush. Squish - In the asexual community, the equivalent of a "crush", but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a sexual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are "in a relationship", as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from "just wanting to be friends" in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back. ~From Urban Dictionary~
  24. 3 points
    YMBAI when somebody tries to explain the concept of "friendzone" to you, and you just don't understand what is their problem with that. It sounds amazing. It sounds idyllic, like something you always genuinely wanted. YMBAI romantic relationships seem like a temporary thing, and you don't get it how grown adults believe that they gonna last ⁓forever⁓.
  25. 2 points
    I like to headcanon Anna from Frozen as aromantic (Elsa is an asexual lesbian), though I might just be projecting. But ok hear me out, it's been a while since I saw the movie. She has an idealized view of romance, like most Disney princesses. But when it comes down to it, she actually doesn't know the difference between romantic love and platonic love. She's desperate for attention after being isolated for most of her life and probably just wants someone to chill with, especially after being rejected by sister yet again. Rewatching her duet with Hans (Love is An Open Door), nothing about this song actually feels romantic (actually feels very platonic). It's upbeat and matches Anna's excitement about finding someone who will spend time with her, but it's not a "finding the love of your life Disney ballad". She comes across as immature and naive about love (insisting to Kristoff that's it's true love), though part of that probably does come from the fact that's she's a sheltered 18 year old. This is most evident in the scene where Olaf helps save Anna from freezing to death. She even admits "I don't even know what love is" and then immediately goes on to concludes that Kristoff must love her (a guy she's known for one day vs. like 2.5 days). I think the only time where she really is certain about loving someone is when she says "I love you" to Elsa. Plus, all of her interactions with Kristoff (the surprise love interest) come across as more platonic than anything and they feel forced as a couple, especially after the movie goes on about how love at first sight isn't real and that you should get to know the other person more. Anyways, that's my longwinded crackpot about aromantic Anna
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