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Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/19/2019 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    I've known for a long time that I don't want/can't see myself getting married in the future. I've said this aloud many times so its no secret but it's really annoying when the topic of marriage is brought up, I mention I don't want to get married and then my sister chimes in saying, "So you want to be alone for the rest of your life with like 20 cats?" Like.... Really? Just because I don't want to get married or be with someone romantically doesn't mean I want to be lonely. I just want to live with a friend or something who's in a similar situation.
  2. 3 points
    Hello all! I just stumbled across this group a few days ago, it’s been a delight to read everyone’s posts and comments! So I thought I would dive in and introduce myself. Im in my early 30s, cis male, aromantic, and polyamorous/a relationship anarchist. I started identifying as polyamorous about 5 years ago and aromantic about 2.5 years ago. It’s been incredibly liberating to say the least! I enjoy dating and connecting with people and am pretty extroverted. I find equal value in relationships that are sexual, relationships that are perhaps emotionally intimate, and relationships that are platonic. I feel love often and get squishes on people I admire but I do not feel romantic love or romantic attachment. The love I feel for platonic friends and companiony friends is the same love that I feel for sexual friends or sexual partners I date. I reject the single/in a relationship binary and just feel like... well... I have relationships with people of all sorts who add value to my life. I don’t seek to share my life with a single person. But I enjoy ways that my life can meaningfully intersect with others’ lives. I can do “romantic things” with people... handholding, kissing, cuddling, dinner dates, etc. and get great joy from them. But I experience these things very much as in-the-moment forms of expression and as ways of giving and receiving pleasure rather than signifiers of a relationship type. These days, I feel incredibly lucky for all of these identities. In a way, I feel like it’s almost like a secret weapon, haha. I almost never feel sexual or romantic jealousy or unpleasant longings. I never have to exert the energy that many monogamous romantic couples exert in...working things out, negotiating things, etc. My partners/people and I build our relationships around our overlapping commonalities, interests, and wants. Our differences are qualities we can enjoy separately with others or alone. This perspective has made it incredibly easy to appreciate people for who they are. I feel like I have so much extra time and energy to enjoy music and art, to study, to achieve things professionally, to exercise, to participate in my local community, etc as I’m not weighed down by the day-to-day of a romantic relationship. If there were any downsides, it can be more challenging to find people who I know can provide lifelong stability as platonic friends. For many monogamous people in romantic relationships, the partner is priorities 1-10. Others are less significant. Excited to learn more from folks here and find camaraderie with other aromantic people!
  3. 3 points
    I had a lecture about basic chemistry and physics the other day. They were talking about how difficult and tedious it was to discover the existence of neutrons since they aren't charged. Some time after, I've thought: We aros, aces and aroaces are kind of like neutrons. We are needed too. To keep balance, even though many people don't even know we exist. We're valid nontheless and just as important as every other particle in the universe. (wanted to share because this thought cheered me up)
  4. 2 points
    Based on this myers briggs conversation it seems introverts are far most common. I think that's the rule in most internet forums. Welcome @Michael09 Have some aro ice cream Maybe you could post a thread about poly/relationship anarchy? It could make for an interesting conversation I think.
  5. 2 points
    Pretty much everyone I've told has pretty much told me it doesn't exist and that I just haven't met 'the one'. What was particularly hurtful as it came from friends within the LGBTQ+ community. I feel like in the LGBTQ+ community that I frequent aro is always viewed as being attached to ace and most people don't even realise they are not mutually inclusive.
  6. 2 points
    I think it really depends on the person. For me, emotional vulnerability is mostly about expressing feelings even when I'm anxious about other people's response to them. Some people might only be willing to do that with a romantic partner, but other people might do it with friends, family, counselors, etc. So I think whether or not emotional vulnerability is romantic is really dependent on the context and the person.
  7. 2 points
    Hi! I'm only 20 years old now but I related to so many things you say. I hope Arocalypse can help you figure everything out!
  8. 2 points
    We're all just a bunch of Care Bears.
  9. 1 point
    I’m starting to think that my tendency to hide in a music practice room for 80% of my undergrad basically insulted me from the BS. Your story of the Spanish class does remind of me an awkward experience in back Business School though, as a brainstorming activity in one of the classes involved attempting to reinvent speed dating with a group, and the two of us who were queer-identified in one way or another were not comfortable outing ourselves to some dudebro cishet business students, so the whole exchange was hella awkward. I also used to say that music was the love of my life, and that I’d love to marry my job, and people always reacted with pity, saying “that’s so sad!” I don’t get what’s sad about loving your craft, or what’s sad about not seeking a romantic partner, so those interactions were mostly just confusing.
  10. 1 point
    Yeah but don’t you think these badly written romantic plots happen in real life too? I’ve seen countless times, a girl and a boy spend some time together become friends and if they’re single you can definitely see them going there. I just always wonder why is it doesn’t happen with me even when i find a friend attractive i can never really feel “romantic” towards them. So i just believe that find these plots to be “badly written” cause I can’t relate to them. But yeah it kinda makes me feel superficial that i like their story cause i find them hot Tbh i like it sooo much better when a girl and a boy remain friends in the end, even if they’re single but every movie/tvshow ends with all the lead characters paired with each other and that’s just ugh. I don’t feel the “chemistry” between these characters that everyone goes crazy about. If it turns me on I’ll watch it otherwise do not care in the least. But damn that sounds so shallow:///
  11. 1 point
    Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.
  12. 1 point
    Hey ya'll, I was just wondering if any of you folks know of any books/articles/interviews/etc that discuss anything in the realm of romance culture/amatonormativity/the like. I'm hoping to do a research paper on the subject for my English class this year, and I was hoping for resources I could actually cite in a formal paper, so that I could know what kinda shot I have at pulling it off before I commit myself to the idea. Thanks a million
  13. 1 point
  14. 1 point
    okay... i'm really surprised no one has stared this yet. so you need to give the character that you headcanon as aromantic AND your reasoning (otherwise it's just a list tbh) i'll start: Rey from The Force Awakens: this bean is the best, so far she hasn't been given a love interest or been giving anyone The Look (tm), which is surprising because it is a Star Wars movie. I just want the new movies to end with her happy somewhere with lots of green and in a QPR with Poe and Finn,, i kno its not going to happen,, but i want it to. Dean Winchester from Supernatural: i didn't start headcanoning him as aro until i saw a post on Tumblr tbh. I can kinda see it because he honestly seems to be happy just on the road with his bro and the occasional one night stands. and also this picture: i rest my case (and i really really want that hoodie ahhhh) post yours!
  15. 1 point
    I am asian-european and my family is quite open and lax about most things. Since I've never been in a relationship even thought I'm in my early 20ies I have had to put up with the somewhat comforting but awkward "It's okay if you are gay, you can tell us" talk from my little sister. I only recently realised I'm aroace and haven't told them yet since I live on my own. Apart from my family I guess people always just asumed I didnt date because I was too picky or too focused on my studies. Other parents may have credited my asian heritage for that but I'm not quite sure how it all intersects. I believe it to be possible that, as half asian, people dont think as much of the fact that I've been single forever as they might do with german friends and they just asume it's connected to a presumed garded and reseved upbringing. Well whatever I dont really care what randoms think and my closest friends know about me being aroace (tho they dont all reeeeeally understand it)
  16. 1 point
    Question: What would you say that means for aros who are still interested in pursuing romantic relationships?
  17. 1 point
    There's a few people I know who I think could be arospec. I know someone who said that she doesn't date, and I also know a man in his 40s who is single and has never been married. Another person I know broke up with her boyfriend because she thought of him as a friend. In my head I imagine all of them to be arospec. I definitely think there's more aromantics than we realize, because there's probably a lot of aromantics out there who would identify as aromantic if they knew the term for it, but because of a lack of awareness for aromanticism they don't know about it and don't know how to put their feelings and experiences into words.
  18. 1 point
    For me, it very much depends on the context. I'm just fine with talking about something one on one or in groups, but as soon as there isn't really a topic I just don't know how to keep the conversation going if it's a one on one situation and thus prefer small groups. But even in groups I'll just listen most of the time and only rarely make a remark. But this also depends on my personal state of mind. If I'm tired or something like that even small groups can be overwhelming. Then "as little as possible" applies. I think in general, my attitude to interactions with other people is in some way like solving difficult math problems: It can be fun, but it's also a lot of work and requires concentration, so it's not something I'd do if I want to relax.
  19. 1 point
    I've always been more interested in dating than being "in a relationship". With most other people appearing to be more interested in the latter.
  20. 1 point
    Yes, kind of. I've never thought about romantic interaction and attraction that much, even when it was thrown around practically everywhere (even in cartoons for children). My story is a bit different; I voted "I've tried but it never felt ok". For a long time, my relation to romance was ambiguous. There was a part of me who was very curious and wanted to understand what on earth the difference between romantic and platonic love is. Then there was the part who couldn't (still can't) stand romance and almost everything people seem to view as "romantic". This part inside me is way stronger. So, my attempts did not end well and I've never felt comfortable in a romantic coded relationship. It's a mystery to me how people can want this and stay in one but whatever makes one happy, really.
  21. 1 point
    oh, i was thinking more like 1980's movies (although now i'm not sure if you could really call them 'old movies'), and my favorite is dead poets society, but i also remember how i enjoyed watching the wizard of oz!
  22. 1 point
    honestly same. i'm chinese and identify as aroace. even though i'm still in the closet, i've still made it very blatant that i'm not interested in dating. i don't dare say i'm not going to get married or have kids anymore; i mentioned it once and both my mom and my dad flipped out. it was so unnerving because my dad is - or was - usually easygoing, and as soon as i commented, "i don't want to have kids," he went on the offensive and told me very firmly, "you have to have children." to me. his daughter. my mom is a huge romantic. she thinks that having kids and starting a family is the happiest thing i can do - which is really, really ironic since she and my dad fight all the time. whenever i try to subtly say, "i'm not interested in dating," she just passes it off as "oh, you haven't met 'Mr. Right' yet!". she expects me to get married when i grow up once i find my 'soulmate'. my parents are also avid trump supporters. which is the main reason why i'm so afraid to come out. but it really makes me happy to know that i'm not alone in this boat (asian and aro/aroace) anymore!
  23. 1 point
    I guess I'm a demigod then. Not bad
  24. 1 point
    How do people usually react when you tell them you are aromantic? What are their responses like? What were your responses to their responses? Have you ever regretted telling someone that you identify as aromantic? I'm typing this at 1am because it won't stop bouncing around my head haha, I look forward to seeing your responses!
  25. 1 point
    I have finally accepted the truth:What I felt was not attraction like all you said, but fear.Fear of the possibility that it was true, when it was not.I let it cloud my thoughts, making it worse, but when I accepted it was fear, I felt at peace.The thoughts don't happen that often, I don't expect them to go away immediately, including the awkwardness, but they are significantly less pronounced.They will go away eventually, I know it.I thank you for your answers.
  26. 1 point
    I totally did not forget about this site lol. Where to begin holy crap. September 1st I decided to cut everyone I befriended in that group chat. Unfriended, deleted my Twitters. I did let them know of my situation. kind of haha. ‘Need some time to myself. It’s not you it’s me’ bull. Which, techinically IS true. All those crazy feelings I had, overreacting, burning out—it was all me. Though I didn’t let some others know, I just cut them off (not like we were talking much anyways.) And you know what? I feel so free. Relieved. Ahhh. I’m a stupid mess. But in my defense, they were the first batch of friends I ever made that I opened up to. =w=“ Like, really opened up to. And I’m definitely not repeating this mess again! Sucks that I lost friends, but at least I learned from it yeah? I’m back to shipping again~ Though I’m staying the hell away from fandom life >>” Too many allos. ==“ I really don’t like people. Don’t know why I got so attached to those folk. I hate my brain sometimes.
  27. 1 point
    Hi and nice to meet you!
  28. 1 point
  29. 1 point
    It sounds like even you don’t think it could really be a crush. I don’t see why it would be. I think your other friend needs to learn to mind her own business and not try to dictate other people’s feelings for them.
  30. 1 point
    @eatingcroutons Thank you so much for your reaction and for coming into my defense. You totally understood my primary reactions to this new fact in my life and my purpose in joining this community. 🌟 From the initial shock (yes, romantic love means a lot to me), I now want to get to know my partner better in his essence and be able to help us achieve a more transparent and honest relationship. I'm sure we'll both be happier. I joined the community to get straightforward advice, criticism and some enlightenment on how to move forward in creating new meaning in our relationship. The comments I have so far in this thread ( @NullVector, @Jot-Aro Kujo @nonmerci ) and in my introduction ( @Cristal Gris ) have helped me align thoughts and ideas. And I'm also grateful to them. Have a great weekend everyone!
  31. 1 point
    I've only told two friends and my therapist so far... The therapist was like "Huh, that's a thing I'll have to research!" My friends basically said "huh, interesting. is that a thing?" Basically all of my friends are extremely analytical, so pretty much everyone I expect to take it as an intellectual exercise.. which is how I take it, so that's ok... Basically, the reason I haven't told more people is because I don't think that they would care...
  32. 1 point
    I have suspected that I was aromantic, or at least on the aromantic spectrum for a while now. I've spent my entire life asking others what a crush/romantic attraction is supposed to feel like and getting frustrated at the vague yet common response of "you just know." I don't get butterflies in my stomach whenever I'm around any one person. I don't obsess completely over a person. I don't fantasize about kissing, and since I'm asexual, I don't fantasize about sex either. It all seems very aromantic, and yet I am in continuous denial about the fact that I could be aro. See, I very much value how much others value me, probably too much, but thats another discussion. It is important to me to have a person or people care about me. I don't want a life alone, I want a life with other people. I want somebody(s) that live with me and care about me and want a life with me, not just to be friends who see each other once in a while. It seems to me that the only way to achieve that is via a romantic relationship. I've had queerplatonic relationships before and I never felt like I mattered nearly as much to them as they did/do to me. They've all been both allosexual and alloromantic, so a platonic partnership like I'm offering is just not their end goal. It's a side note. I understand that they need romance and sex in their lives, and I've made peace with the fact that they will and should pursue that with other people. And yet they say things like "I'm forever alone" and put me off for the pursuit of romance. I feel like I am just a placeholder until they can find the "real thing" when I am in a queerplatonic relationship. I am now three years into college and I am in my first romantic relationship aside from a few one off dates. I do really like my girlfriend. There aren't a lot of people that I'm willing to be physically intimate, that is to hold hands and cuddle with, but she is one of them. She's given me the closest thing I've ever felt to whatever the hell butterflies in the stomach are supposed to be. I figured out that she liked me before she actually told me, and it made me really happy. When I heard that she liked someone else I was very upset and even cried. And yet I am not comfortable with using pet names. I am not comfortable with saying I love you; I never have been in any context from familial to platonic to romantic, and I don't know why. I wouldn't know where to begin with romantic gestures like she does for me. I feel like I'm forcing to reciprocate when all I really want to do is just be with her. Another thing that I'm considering is that I still cannot differentiate between romantic and platonic. I know that there are some people that I care about differently than others. People that I more want to be around, want to be more physically intimate with, people that I want to build a life with. But I can't say that it feels inherently romantic. So my relationship with my girlfriend feels more like an expanded friendship than something with a distinctly romantic quality, at least on my part. I worry that entering into a relationship with her is just me going deeper into denial. But for the first time ever, I'm someone's favorite person, and I don't know if I can let go of that. I don't want to hurt her or lead her on. I do really care about her, I just don't know if it's the "right" way. I don't know if I am emotionally capable of letting the relationship go if I don't love her the "right" way, but it also wouldn't be fair of me to keep dating her if that turns out to be true. I don't know what I am, what I feel, or what I should do, and I don't handle not knowing well at all.
  33. 1 point
    I'd recommend Connie Glynn; she is aromantic and has a few videos about it as well as lots of other videos. For more videos about aromanticism I'd recommend The Asexual Goddess.
  34. 1 point
    As a (Baptist) Christian I can tell you, that's not true as far as I've seen. Like @eatingcroutons said, many Christians expect others to marry and have children. And even though my mom is single, she definitely wouldn't accept me being aro/ace. She (like many Christians) is against all LGBT+ in general, and aromantics and asexuals would be no exception. She'd also think I was being a snowflake, wanting attention, etc. That's not to say Christians should look at us that way, because the Bible makes it clear that being married doesn't make you better than being single, and that marriage isn't for anyone. But people don't tend to see things that way, I guess.
  35. 1 point
    Interresting. It look like anxiety to me 😅 (also, sometime i get those "butterflies" . When i feel… things ? Sometime it happen and sometime it don't, i don't know how to explain. It can be fear , or happiness, or wonder. It's not always related to someone )
  36. 1 point
    So I'm agender and I didn't like existing pronoun options so I made my own. While I commonly use they for other people, I didn't like it for myself; I think part of that might've been because of the backlash against it for being plural, but also because the common historical usage of it as a singular pronoun involves has a connotation of vagueness, whereas I wanted to be referred to specifically rather than vaguely? Amusingly, my in-denial 16yo self came up with my pronouns "hypothetically" in the context of trying to think what would make sense. (here is a chart I made for explaining usage):
  37. 1 point
    Maybe this show is too old, or just not what everyone is watching. It's definitely not what I normally watch, but everyone has heard of the 90's sitcom Friends right? Because I totally headcanon Joey Tribbiani as heterosexual and demi or gray aromantic. I mean, he sleeps with plenty of women, but only seriously dates once in the show's entire 10 year run. That one time, it's with Rachel, whom he'd been friends with for years, and admits to being afraid because this is a completely new feeling for him.
  38. 1 point
    Black Widow for sure. I totally agree about Rey too. I’ve always thought of Castiel from Supernatural as demi-romantic ace. And I’m already warming to the idea of aro!Dean in a qpr with Cas. Also Sam being greyromantic poly/pansexual. I mean we’ve never seen him really fall in love with more than about 5 peole in 13 years. Sorry I have all the hcs. I feel like Hermione might be aro ace, I mean I love Ron but their relationship felt a little forced on her side maybe more platonic. Plus besides Ron I don’t think she was ever “in love”. Melinda May from AoS feels very demi-romantic to me. Gabriel from Supernatural seems aro pan. I just want all the representation.
  39. 1 point
    Frank and Claire Underwood. Excellent non-romantic marriage, founded on mutual ambition, respect, and straightforward communication. For years I've been telling friends that I think they have the ideal relationship. Their moral and political choices aside, they're fantastic at managing their partnership without letting any romantic bullshit get in the way. To be honest I've seen a few people headcanon Bond as aroace and I could buy that too. Sex for him is almost always something he does in the context of mission objectives - it could very easily be something he sees as a useful tool/skill in his arsenal, rather than something he actually desires.
  40. 1 point
    I hadn't really thought about a lot of the characters mentioned. actually I don't even recognise some of them I would agree with this. Most of the relationships he has are more like friendly-ish colleague type ones if I remember rightly (It has been a while since I read or watched it) Glad to see Dean Winchester hasn't changed as the seasons progressed! I only watched til season 2 but he was definitely my favourite. I agree with everyone that Sherlock is ace/aro and so I avoid the fanfics because shipping fanfics are everywhere and always tend to turn sexual or romantic. I'm going to have to watch my favourite movies and shows again with new eyes. But there is one I can mention now, it is my most treasured headcannon: 28 Days Later is (the best in my opinion) non romantic love story. The movie is all about human connection and love under hardship (and infected rage non-zombies). Jim is aro, Selena is aro (and possibly romance repulsed), Hannah is aro! Everyone is aro! *throws glitter* And the kiss is explained as an 'I am so glad you are still alive and my life is much less in danger' platonic emotional outpouring. I almost kinda think Newt Scamader is demiromantic or something.....
  41. 1 point
    Light Yurigama from Deathnote (Just started watching it so I don't know about later on) Totally agreed!
  42. 1 point
    I like to headcanon Anna from Frozen as aromantic (Elsa is an asexual lesbian), though I might just be projecting. But ok hear me out, it's been a while since I saw the movie. She has an idealized view of romance, like most Disney princesses. But when it comes down to it, she actually doesn't know the difference between romantic love and platonic love. She's desperate for attention after being isolated for most of her life and probably just wants someone to chill with, especially after being rejected by sister yet again. Rewatching her duet with Hans (Love is An Open Door), nothing about this song actually feels romantic (actually feels very platonic). It's upbeat and matches Anna's excitement about finding someone who will spend time with her, but it's not a "finding the love of your life Disney ballad". She comes across as immature and naive about love (insisting to Kristoff that's it's true love), though part of that probably does come from the fact that's she's a sheltered 18 year old. This is most evident in the scene where Olaf helps save Anna from freezing to death. She even admits "I don't even know what love is" and then immediately goes on to concludes that Kristoff must love her (a guy she's known for one day vs. like 2.5 days). I think the only time where she really is certain about loving someone is when she says "I love you" to Elsa. Plus, all of her interactions with Kristoff (the surprise love interest) come across as more platonic than anything and they feel forced as a couple, especially after the movie goes on about how love at first sight isn't real and that you should get to know the other person more. Anyways, that's my longwinded crackpot about aromantic Anna
  43. 1 point
    Yeah this is me too I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction, but it's hard to be sure what that exactly is, especially as the times that could have been, I was a teenager so made up many of my 'crushes' to fit in. Whether any had real feelings behind them I can't be certain, but I am 95% sure the ones with any truth were just aestetic attraction and admiration. I also say grey-romo because I wouldn't necessarily say no to a romantic relationship, despite prefering a platonic one. I feel like if I called myself Aro, any person with whom I might be okay with a romantic relationship (as this may be their preference/meet their needs) would assume I am a no-go and not give me a chance.
  44. 1 point
    I third this. Although I don't care about other people using it, I never felt comfortable using it myself. Mostly because I never knew (and yet don't know) what exactly it means. Specially because some people use it so unceremoniously that it loses some of it's depth. I dunno, I'm only rambling.
  45. 1 point
    If you're all right with "kid movies" (although really the only things that make this a kid movie are the facts that it's from Pixar and the protagonist is 14; the storyline isn't juvenile at all and it deals with some really deep issues in a really touching way), I highly recommend Big Hero 6. I just saw it this week with my ace club, and it was picked specifically because all of the movies we were considering had NO romance whatsoever. Not one couple, not one kissing scene, not even one subtle indication of a crush. I think that's one of the first movies I've seen in literally years that I can say that about. And another one I just remembered: the made-for-TV two-part screen adaptation of Terry Pratchett's novel Hogfather. At this point, it's my family's traditional Christmas movie, so it's not exactly seasonally relevant right now, but definitely one to keep in mind.
  46. 1 point
    If you look for "romantic attraction" on this page, I think it sums it up quite well: https://thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com/identity-attraction-relationship-terms/
  47. 1 point
    Speaking of Disney/Pixar movies, I always see Merida from Brave as aro. The whole conflict is her not wanting to get married. Granted, you can say it's just because she's too young and not interested in any of the potential suitors etc. but I choose to see her as fundamentally uninterested in romance.
  48. 1 point
    Also, Sherlock is ace/aro, you can kinda see why I think that. I also think he's in a qpr with Jawn bab ~~
  49. 1 point
    How about Voldemort? He doesn't seem like a particularly romantic individual...
  50. 1 point
    I also wanted to say Dean. I know a lot of people want to see him in love with Castiel, and although I guess I wouldn't actually mind that, I'd prefer seeing them in some kind of queerplatonic relationship.
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