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  1. 7 points
    Hello I just wanted to say that I’m just an aro-spec ally wanting to learn more about the community
  2. 6 points
    Yeah, I also think it seems interesting but you're not really giving us a lot of information to go on, both logistically and in terms of content. You said "a personal story" and "different perspectives"...are you planning to do one person or multiple? if multiple, do you have plans to represent diverse experiences? (for example, aro ace, aromantic allosexual, alloromantic ace, people who are arospec but experience some romantic attraction, etc?) Basic logistics? can it be done virtually or must it be done in real life; where are you based? presumably people must be over 18, but are there other restrictions such as where people are from? Can this be done anonymously/via pseudonym? what are your plans concerning privacy of participants? I am also curious why you are doing this project/what made you aware of it or motivated you to do it? Also yeah generally more information about the content and what you hope to achieve would be good.
  3. 6 points
    I'm interested, but first I'd like to know a little more about the project: What, specifically, is the documentary about? What is the overall statement this film is trying to make? Where will it be shown? Who is funding this project? I would love to have aro representation in documentaries, but I'm not agreeing to anything without further details. I know it's unfortunately very easy for members of small communities and countercultures to be talked into doing documentaries via misleading info, and then they find out the film is actually presenting them as some sort of freak show weirdo cult. (I've heard a lot of horror stories about this from the lolita and goth fashion communities, so suffice it to say I'm a bit cautious.)
  4. 6 points
    Hello, mythical allosexual aro here with a few points for your mom: 1. I've never had sex. Not once! Shockingly, the fact that someone can experience sexual attraction does not mean they're running around having wild sex all the time! 2. Why you gotta commit anyway? Who gives a shit? If there's no pregnancy involved, what the hell are you supposed to "commit" to, anyway? What is this, the Sims? You fucked once and now you're married, that how it's supposed to go? Why? What is the purpose? Why is it anyone's business what their sexual partners decide to do in their everyday lives? 3. An alloromantic who just wants "sex without commitment" can, at any time, potentially fall in love and decide to go for the "commitment" after all. We can't. We will never fit in with a society structured around romance, we will never be accepted as normal unless we Catch Feelings™, we will always be ostracized and demonized and treated as cruel and heartless no matter how gentle we are as human beings, so your mom can fuck right off before I go inventing her a fancy word for "kiss my ass". 4. Honestly, if I were to have sex with someone, I'd most likely want it to be someone I know well and am already comfortable with- So most likely, a friend. I am EXTREMELY committed to my friends, and I would remain as committed to them as I've always been even if we were to have sex. I will always be there for my friends, even in their darkest moments, and I will never, ever place them below any sort of sexual or romantic partner. That's a hell of a lot more for "commitment" without romance than I can say about most alloromantics.
  5. 6 points
    I have to wonder how you guys can all be so proud of being aromantic. I don't mean that it's a bad thing to be proud of your aromanticism, I'm sure it's a great thing. I just can't seem to be able to bring myself to accept it about myself. Last night my friend texted me that I'm lucky that I don't get crushes and... No. I feel the exact opposite of lucky. I hate knowing that friendships are considered are considered less important than romance. I hate knowing that the only way to settle down with a person is romantically. I hate knowing that in the end all of friends will move on. Whether they intend to or not they will get married, have kids, be too busy for an old friend. They might write a Christmas letter and call once a year, but what am I supposed to do the other 363 days of the year? i feel so so deeply about my friends but in the end it doesn't matter. My feelings, my relationships are sub par. They're unimportant because they aren't the right type of love. I just wish I could feel the right kind of love. That I wouldn't lose everyone. I don't know how you do it.
  6. 5 points
    Hello @hUllO! Short answer: it depends what you mean by commitment. I've done things that require commitment (example: writing a thesis). It just so happens that, in my case, a romantic relationship is not one of those things. Longer answer: most people seem to take 'commitment' in this context to mean things like: monogamy, exclusivity, co-habitation, etc., done in the context of a romantic relationship which is 'acted-out' according to socially conventional behavioural markers, rites and rituals. Most of us on here would probably regard that as an overly prescriptive and restrictive way of viewing commitment. Also, aromantic sexual is an internal orientation, not an external behaviour. I'm basically 'functionally' asexual; I'd prefer to be having sex, but I don't want to do it in the context of a romantic relationship. But I'd also want a level of caring relationship with the person (or persons) I'm doing the sex with, including some level of 'commitment' that we can negotiate mutually, but outside of some pre-defined social script (assumed to desirably 'escalate' according to some standardised timeline) and/or assumed romantic-sexual 'package-deal'. That's a weird concept for most people (including myself!) and it's not a conversation I've figured out how to have yet. Plus, until fairly recently, I didn't even perceive this as an option. So, I've been celibate on that (semi-voluntary) basis thus far. P.S. personally, I'm not offended. I do regard your mum's response as a lazy, reflexive over-generalization of her own limited experiences and orientation towards relationships; but if I became offended every time a fellow human did this, I would find life absolutely exhausting! 😄
  7. 5 points
    I think consulting asexualsurvivors.org, both the website design and team members, would be really helpful for everyone working on the arospec website. Or heck, contact the staff/volunteers at AVEN, it can't hurt. Don't tell me "But they're ace, not aro!" They have experience building the sort of website you're aiming for, and could give you a lot of helpful tips about how to do it yourself. I also see a couple of potential problems: starting too big, and focusing on the superficial parts. "AVEN for arospecs" is too big and vague to be a useful goal. You need to start with something smaller and concrete, e.g. "provide an educational resource for people curious about the aro spectrum." And you need to define how you're going to pursue that goal, like "publish essays explaining aromanticism and related concepts." If you don't clearly define your goals and methods, you'll waste time and money on things that don't actually make your website a solid resource. Also, I think you're starting too big by trying to build a self-hosted website right off the bat. You've made a big promise but haven't provided any sample of what the content would look like, and are asking for money, which makes it hard for people to trust you. Instead, why not set up a subdomain at wordpress.com for free, begin publishing content, and migrate to wordpress.org self-hosting once the community has gotten to know to your work? You could even market the earlier site as a "beta version" and use it as a chance to invite feedback from the community and get diverse voices contributing. Another way this project is "big" is that the aromantic spectrum is a huge, complex topic, and you will need to do a ton of research or add guest contributors' content in order to represent it accurately. Preferably both. It's good to have diverse identities represented on your staff, but having an identity doesn't automatically make you informed on its history, issues, intersections with other identities, or the best way to advocate for it. And you need to read actual books and articles, from inside and outside the community, not just blog and forum posts. Otherwise, you're likely to post factual errors or prejudiced content by mistake. Speaking of which, I agree with Coyote's point about representing aro-spec people of color on your team. I'd also want people with mental disorders, the autism spectrum, and physical disabilities represented, either on the team itself or as major guest contributors. A lot of anti-aro prejudice is related to racism and ableism. The other big issue is that you may focus on the superficial aspects of building a website, like its appearance, domain name, "aro 101" content, and logos, without paying enough attention to the logistics. Who will maintain and update links? Who will pay the bills? Who writes what content, and who proofreads it? Can team members edit each other's content? Who is in charge of soliciting input from the arospec community? How will you make the website accessible to people who are blind, dyslexic, or have other disabilities? If two team members disagree, how will you resolve it? If a factual error or prejudice sneaks into the website's content, who will fix it, and how? Will you copyright your content, and if so, how will you protect it? How will you protect the website's security, and its users/contributors' privacy?
  8. 4 points
    Print this out and use it as a cover for all the work you have to submit. I had to dig a bit because they have been buried but here are some article links from the forums that might give you a different perspective, and you could work some into your assignments. If your teacher gives you the proforma or criteria for marking and you address each section it has but with your own understanding of the question/topic then your teacher can't give you a bad score for not caring about love. (or if they do you can argue it as discrimination) http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1375-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1333-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1269-not-everyone-kisses-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/892-half-the-worlds-cultures-never-kiss/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1111-a-brief-history-of-romantic-love-and-why-it-kind-of-sucks/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/878-history-documentary-on-bedrooms/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/543-how-romanticism-ruined-love/
  9. 4 points
    Hey all, it's May, which means a new Carnival of Aros topic! This months topic is one that's very close to my heart, the intersection of religion and aromanticism. I did my best to include prompts that non-religious aros could respond to as well, so I hope most people can find something they're able to respond to. Prompts: Navigating religious spaces as an aro How aromanticism influences your views on religion Dealing with romance focused religious ceremonies like weddings Aromanticism and secular spirituality Your families faith practices and how they have affected your aromantic identity Your aromanticism’s influence on your religious practices How the dominant religion in your country views romance and how that has affected your life How aromanticism influenced your conversion to a new faith Religious expectations around romance and how they affect your aromanticism Religion and its place in non-romantic community building How your aromanticism influenced you leaving a particular faith You can find the full details here. The April carnival round-up isn't out quite yet, but I'll make sure to post a link here when it is. Happy May, and I can't wait to see y'alls responses 💚
  10. 4 points
    I... don't think having to be in English is a very fair criteria. Sounds pretty ethnocentric to me.
  11. 4 points
    What thoughts do people have about this article? https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-single/201905/why-are-romantic-relationships-privileged-above-others
  12. 4 points
    heya! im christian, i'm 18, and i use they/them and any neopronoun sets really! i've been identifying as gray aromantic but i found out about idemromantic and that fits me a lot better ghsdfjh. quoiromantic is good, too. i'm also nblw/sapphic and nonbinary/agender/neutrois. i love video games and cartoons. i also love to draw and write and i'm currently learning chinese! i think i found this forum a couple days ago and am now really happy better discovering my feelings and that i'm on the aro spectrum. i'm only out to a couple folks and online as nonbinary and only my partner knows that i'm on the aro spectrum ovo
  13. 4 points
    For how I see it, it is more the contrary : evil people are aromantic. Which is as stupid. Just because you're the bad guy doesn't mean you can't fall in love. It associates evilness and absent of romantic love. I had an aromantic moment the other day at Mcdo. Sitting next to me, two people was trying to convice a girl that she had problems with her boyfriend, bit she didn't want to break up because they are together for there years and she loves him. They were talking about it before I arrive, and was just finishing when I left. At some point, I wanted to scream "you're clearly not happy with that guy, talk with him or break up, but LET ME ET IN SILENCE". I really don't understand why people can't see what is obviously when they are in love.
  14. 4 points
    DAMN FUCKING RIGHT, TELL IT LIKE IT IS DOCTOR
  15. 4 points
    I didn't see any other polls like this (at least in the last couple months I looked at), so I'm curious - how does everyone here on arocalypse identify? It's nearly impossible to find formal research on the demographics of various aro communities, or even informal community forum polls like this, so I'm curious to see how common various labels are here. (I'd also be curious how it compares to the demographics of other aro spaces at some point, but that's another project for another time). Also, I'm sure I forgot some labels, so if there's something not listed in the poll feel free to comment below! This is a very informal half-assed poll but it's a question that definitely deserves more thorough research in the future, and commentary now could help lead design in the future. [Edit: also, I apparently can't edit the poll, so let's just pretend I spelled quoiromantic correctly]
  16. 3 points
    I've seen a thread about aromantic symbols but not about aromantic culture in general. So, what are some things that are aromantic culture? So far I have: -arrows/archery -the green heart emoji -the color green -calling out people who ditch their friends to spend all their time with a romantic crush/partner -asking people what crushes feel like just in case this time it makes sense
  17. 3 points
    For those times when you suddenly realised not everybody around you was aromantic. So we were watching a video on Youtube in French, but before it played an ad popped up. It was one of those ones you could skip after five seconds, but instead we ended up watching the whole minute of this random love story between a guy and a girl in highschool. It eventually turned out to be a Coca Cola ad... because those two things are related somehow?
  18. 3 points
    Well, you've probably guessed from the title, but my class is reading Romeo and Juliet in our English class. We also are watching the scenes from two movie versions, which is mostly cool. However, my class has gotten to the part where Romeo and Juliet are in looooove now apparently (which I think is stupid, they haven't even met for a full day) and they are kissing a hecking ton and that makes me very uncomfortable (right now I'm 95% sure I'm an aromantic/asexual person). Furthermore, my teacher keeps putting emphasis on the love and how love is great and marriage la dee dah when I'm sitting there like I'd really just rather live alone with a dog. They also keep making assignments about love and how it can affect/you/family/friends. Any survival tips on how to deal with this, at least until we're done with the book?
  19. 3 points
    First off, thanks for leaving a reply! I really appreciate it, trust me. I might tell my therapist about it since I've been going to her for years and she's been helpful except she was vaguely dismissal when I voiced not understanding why people would ever had sex (the start of me realizing my asexuality) to which she said "Well...its something you'd have to try first" So I don't know. We'll see! And awh man that little housing setup sounds awesome ;0; Like literally perfect. You have some close human interaction if you want but still your own space. I hope you can get a dog soon! That'll just make the space more even more cozy I bet
  20. 3 points
    So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? This seems overly reliant on the idea that all aros are either aro allo or aro ace. Some aros aren't. Anyway, can we just put together a list of some aromantic media in the first place before figuring out how to numerically rank it?
  21. 3 points
    Maybe It's cause English is not my first language but I'm actually unsure what "official resource" means. The term official means: someone who holds an office in an organization or government and participates in the exercise of authority. To call your initiative "official" in that sense would be factually incorrect. I understand that your choice of words reflect the goal of your project: To be the go-to resource for aromanticism. The thing is, you can't make yourself the go-to resource just by stating that you are. The only way to do that is to build a aromanticism resource that is so good that people see it as the best one. I don't think you need to worry about being OFFICIAL. That is not possible anyway. As a comparison: look at this forum Arocalypse. It's not the official forum for aromantics. But it is the best (that I know of). So IMO aim to be the best, and people looking for aro content and knowledge will come to you.
  22. 3 points
    Discussing and respecting each others boundaries is extremely important. This sort of talk should come up sooner or later in a sexual setting to ensure mutual consent and explore each others secret desires. Its a more known concept, so your partner is more likely to ask questions like "may I touch your (insert body part)?" or "may I kiss you?" or "how do you like to be touched?". In cases of courtship rituals or romantic gestures.... well its almost unheard of, people just take it for granted. Unfortunately people just assume that the other person would totally appreciate these gestures, and surprising one's partner/love interest with them is also a common thing. (Seriously, if you are a girl, suitors do some random romcom crap to you, out of the blue without asking. It can be quite distressing, especially if you are somewhere on the aro spectrum.) If you have got something like romance repulsion or some sort of trauma/triggers to deal with, you better talk about these things. I guess nobody wants to freak out their QPP/friend/sex partner/other. And the gender roles are also culturally defined, usually men are expected to do these things to win and keep the woman's affections. In reality that arrangement may or may not suit the people involved. In case of same sex partners, the roles may not be so obvious. This is a good way to find out what the other person wants and likes or secretly wishes for. The idea came from @Mark's comment on the QPP request form in the another thread. Although that has some of this, but I agree, its kinda vague. I based the structure of it on sexual yes/no/maybe tick lists like this one (commonly used in BDSM/fetish communities). The idea is that the people involved each get a box to tick, so the preferences are easy to compare (this one is for two persons, but I'm working one a poly version). But instead of sex, I tried to gather some common types non-sexual intimacy and romance coded activities. I used various lists (1, 2) and stuff people mentioned to have issues with on this forum. Anything I should add? Do you find this useful? The first draft looks like this (still cooking, some parts sound really awkward): Y = Yes N = No M =Maybe Courting rituals: Receiving cut flowers □ □ Giving cut flowers □ □ Receiving potted flowers □ □ Giving potted flowers □ □ Receiving a box of chocolates □ □ Giving a box of chocolates □ □ Receiving a small present □ □ Giving a small present □ □ Being invited for a drink □ □ Buying a drink for the other □ □ Being invited for a meal □ □ Buying a meal for the other □ □ Receiving good morning texts □ □ Sending good morning texts □ □ Receiving romantic images/quotes □ □ Sending romantic images/quotes □ □ Dancing closely together in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Preferring to lead □ □ Sharing food □ □ Sharing drinks □ □ Being asked on a date □ □ Asking the other on a date (organizing the date) □ □ Restaurant dates □ □ Cinema dates □ □ Watching romantic movies together □ □ Coffee shop dates □ □ Dance dates □ □ Ice skating dates □ □ Camping □ □ Stay at home dates as host □ □ as guest □ □ “Netflix and chill” as host □ □ as guest □ □ Sex dates as host □ □ as guest □ □ in a neutral location □ □ Other types of dates □ □ person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... Celebrating anniversaries □ □ Celebrating Valentine’s day □ □ Displays of affection, intimacy: Holding hands in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Walking arm in arm in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being hugged from the side in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Face to face hugging in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being hugged from the back in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Hugging the other from the back in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Sitting on the other person's lap in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ The other person sitting on your lap in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the cheek in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the cheek in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the lips in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the lips in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the neck in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the neck in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the back of your hand in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the back of their hand in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being kissed on the back or shoulder in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Kissing the other person on the back or shoulder in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Deep kissing (romantic kissing) in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Making out (sexual kissing) in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Cuddles in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Nuzzling the other person in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Being nuzzled in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Napping together □ □ Sleeping in the same bed □ □ Hugging while sleeping together □ □ I prefer to be the big spoon □ □ little spoon □ □ other □ □ Taking a shower together □ □ Taking a bath together □ □ Having sex in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Playing video games together □ □ Reading together □ □ Talking about personal things with the other □ □ Talking about crushes with the other □ □ Seeing the other person naked □ □ Being seen naked □ □ Receiving a massage □ □ Giving a massage □ □ Getting my hair styled by the other person □ □ Doing the other person's hair □ □ Getting my makeup done by the other person □ □ Doing the other person's makeup □ □ Being fed by the other person □ □ feeding the other person □ □ Borrowing and wearing each others clothing □ □ Lending clothing to the other □ □ Verbal: Being called on pet names, endearments in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Calling the other on pet names, endearments in public □ □ in semi private □ □ in private □ □ Preferred pet name(s) and endearment(s): person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... Declaring romantic feelings (ie: I love you) □ □ Receiving declarations of romantic feelings □ □ Declaring affection (ie: You are very important to me) □ □ Receiving declarations of affection □ □ I’d like to meet you in person/spend time with you: every day □ □ every 2-3 days □ □ every week □ □ every 2-3 weeks □ □ once a month □ □ other: person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... I’d like to stay in contact with you: every day □ □ every 2-3 days □ □ every week □ □ every 2-3 weeks □ □ once a month □ □ other: person/a ..................................................................................................................... person/b...................................................................................................................... via person/a email text skype chat app phone call snail mail other: ................................................... person/b email text skype chat app phone call snail mail other: ...................................................
  23. 3 points
  24. 3 points
    i can definitely relate. i actually had a hard time accepting and am still trying to accept that i'm on the aromantic spectrum as i didn't like the thought of not feeling romantic attraction and just wanted to cling onto that i can feel romantic attraction just like other people that feel romantic attraction. especially since i'm so into the concept of love and seeing well written romantic relationships on media and wanting to have something like that. please don't forget that you're not alone and im sending hugs your way
  25. 3 points
    i'm not super-thrilled about how the author listed familial relationships as being considered lesser than romantic ones when id say they're seen as being equally important in our society, especially as someone who does not have a great relationship with their family. i think this is because the two are so heavily intertwined- romance is supposed to end in marriage and kids in our society, so romance and the nuclear family are difficult to separate from each other in that respect. im also not keen on them saying that friendships "don't rely on the crutch of sexual attraction" bc it seems to be reinforcing a binary between sex and friendship that i dont think exists. (not to mention that language seems a bit ableist". the rest of it is fine. nothing particularly new that i haven't seen discussed already in the community but it's always nice to see people from outside our sphere talking about this stuff.
  26. 3 points
    Hi there @Solfege, I’m one of the website building team members! Thank you for your feedback and I hope I can address some of your concerns. Yes, we recognize that website design and building experience is a necessary part of this project and while we haven’t been working with AVEN or asexualsurvivors specifically, we have been consulting with community members that have web building experience. This is understandable. We listed a broader goal as part of our fundraising, but our more specific goals include: Creating an extensive aromantic glossary with coinage and variation in definition listed Providing accessible online and printable resources, as well as a listing of in-person aromantic groups Creating an aro community contact point for media outlets and researchers Maintaining a community feed with information on events, surveys, and news articles Many of our team members already run or mod for aro specific blogs, so our goal with this website was to create something more formal than a subdomain. While we did consider using wordpress self-hosting, we also looked at a number of other hosting platforms and decided that squarespace provided the best website building tools for the lowest cost, so we are using it instead. As for having a beta version for feedback, we are planning to accept feedback on the website once it’s live. I appreciate your concern on this point. We have been consulting with other community members on various topics and are working hard to make sure we have accurate information on aromantic history and sources for different terms and concepts. We would not be doing this project if we weren’t all willing to put in the work. While diversity was considered when picking team members, we were not trying to fill any diversity quotas. As a result, we do have some gaps in experience, but we will make a point of consulting with other community members around topics that require more diverse viewpoints. As for things like web design, we are designing the website with an eye towards accessibility. I can say that personally as a dyslexic person with a background in graphic design, that’s definitely something at the forefront of my mind when making this website, and I know that my other team members have put a lot of consideration into that as well. I agree that logistics are important. Every member in our group has an official assigned role to make sure things get done and we will be posting those roles when the website goes live. Thank you very much for your feedback. It does give us more things to consider when creating our website and we really appreciate that and will discuss it.
  27. 3 points
    I think this is spot on. It's annoying to me that romantic relationships are "first and foremost" in society. As it says at the end of the article, amatonormativity, begone!
  28. 3 points
    Anyone who isn't cisgender, heteromantic, AND heterosexual has a place in the lgbtqa community, so yeah.
  29. 3 points
    Again, we're not asking you to trust us at this point, but to be willing to suspend your distrust when you see the website and then judge if we're doing good or if we need to work on allo aro inclusiveness more. I think that actions speak louder than words and in this case, the actions is the website and I'm not sure if our assurances that (as one example) we all don't see aromanticism as a subset of asexuality would convince you. Thank you for the suggestion of issues we should be mindful of, I can happily tell you that everyone on the team is familiar with alloaroworlds and hir work on tumblr. At this point I'm not sure further conversation is leading anywhere.
  30. 3 points
    Er, there's a lot actually that could stop them? Money and time being the biggest things. If there were already twenty different aro orgs out there I'd be more inclined to agree but since this is supposed to be a broader, larger initiative so trying to accommodate as many people as possible should be a main goal. It obviously can't be everything just because of how competing needs work but that doesn't mean we should just go "eh do whatever you want" (especially if they're asking for our money).
  31. 2 points
    I'm experiencing the exact same problems as you both. From what I've heard talking to other aros, I think it does fade and go away after some time. I mean, we've spent so much time being told that being in love is the height of humanity, of life, so to figure out that we're not gonna do any of that is...jarring, to say the least. I don't know about you guys, but for me, I guess romance was something I always vaguely considered to happen in my future, even if it was in the far, far future. The expectation for it to happen was there, and I guess knowing that it probably won't is somewhat saddening. But that's probably the amatonormativity speaking. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it'll go away as you get used to it. Maybe in the future, there will be more positive media written about us, but even before then, as we consider other things as goals and the heights of our lives, it'll hurt less. Maybe someday it won't hurt at all. At least that's what I hope.
  32. 2 points
  33. 2 points
    it could be good either way. if you want to mention it though, i would do it in a subtle way and make sure its not to focused on.
  34. 2 points
    Do you drink tea? I mean camellia sinensis. 🍵 Sorry, no Yerba Mate. From Assam to Matcha to Yin Zhen! I never drink... coffee. I prefer 2nd flush Darjeeling.
  35. 2 points
    You're friend in uninformed. Aromantic spectrum and romance repulsion are two different things. When I was a child I kept saying "love is a beautiful thing" everytime I saw people kiss on tv. I planned to get married (mostly because I wanted children I guess, I wonder éd about how I will call my children, not about how my hussand will look or romantic things 😆). And I am still on the aro spectrum. Plus it's you who know how you feel, people can't just say "no you are not" as if they know better than you your experience... I'm sorry your friend réactions like that. Maybe if you talk about him about that he will realize he was disrespectful, or he would have think of it. The problem of aromanticism is that it is not a well-known label, so sometimes when we want to come out we end up educating people. Anyway, don't let one bad experience keep you from coming out again if that what you want. Some people are in denial, but other will be supportive and happy to liste to you.
  36. 2 points
    If I may hazard a guess... I figure they mean "official" colloquially, in the sense of "credible, serious, and polished-looking, with an air of authority."
  37. 2 points
    Hi @Jot-Aro Kujo @Magni and @SnailSatan , thanks for your messages! We are currently putting together a pitch and learning how to best portray and explore the concept of "Belonging", and reaching out to people before I put together the materials / proposal to have representation and make sure we're telling the story the way you want it to be told. I totally get what you're saying about conveying a story in a certain way, that is not beneficial or positive to an individual, or individuals. This is not the case for this documentary -- Our aim is to make it as personal as possible so that people can relate, even if they didn't know these possibilities and diverse experiences existed before, and maybe (hopefully) can inspire others to explore their own inclinations further. In terms of how the story is told, we (crew) would be a shadow, enhancing how the story is being told but the captain of your story is YOU. Please check my work for reference, my style is verité and intimate and I really make an effort to move away from "sensationalist" styles of work. The documentary is for a mainstream platform but it will be released via the internet and social media, mainly instagram. Funding: a grant from the platform if it gets picked up (PBS / POV). Answering questions below: * Ideally, we would follow 3 people to represent diverse experiences and perspectives in a one-to-one dynamic * It wouldn't be done virtually, we would go to you (fly, find accommodation and adapt to your situation and timing) * Dates are TBD but we would aim for the summer * It wouldn't be anonymous. You have to want to share and tell your story publicly Logistics: We would follow you for a few days (day-to-day life) and get to know you. The aim would be to: 1. Understand your perspective and situation (and context. Example: What is attraction to you, why you identify as "y", what made you realize you're "y", how you see love, relationships, sex et al. while seeing your life, and again, getting to know YOU 2. See how we can create awareness about different perspectives that is not the "standard" 3. Inspire others More info, please email me: media@alexandraroca.com Thanks! Alexandra
  38. 2 points
    Would it though? I mean, you aren't 'chosen representatives' (there hasn't been an election or something) so it may make sense to establish that context explicitly? I'm fine with you representing yourselves and your own opinions and experiences online - and your understanding of these as aros - but why seek to imply that non-aro people not implicitly universalising your understanding to all aros would 'undermine the website'? This I don't understand.
  39. 2 points
    It didn't occur to us initially to invite beta readers, because we didn't expect the site launch to immediately catch the attention of everyone outside the aro community, just the insiders so to speak, so we were going to accept suggestions and feedback then. For the past few days we've been thinking about changing that though, because it's true that any errors that could find their way in could decrease credibility if the website was presented as a final version from the start. So we were thinking of starting with a short beta period for the whole website, possibly on a different domain, a link to which would be shared on the forums and with selected people from discord and tumblr. We'd ask for feedback (tangible recommendations of what could be improved) in the e-mail form so that it's easier to keep track of and after addressing that feedback and making the changes, we'd launch the site in a final-ish version (as we'd be still open to feedback then).
  40. 2 points
    Hi guys, Not sure if this is in the right forum, sorry if not! Also, probably going to be a complicated post haha, but basically I’ve always assumed I’m heterosexual/romantic. Lately though I’ve been thinking about the possibility of being aromantic because, of the handful of relationships I’ve had in my life, I’ve never actually liked the guy I was talking to in a romantic fashion and I think I’ve only actually romantically liked around three people my entire life. From this, I began exploring the possibility I was aromantic because I’ve never actually had a boyfriend and it’s never really bothered me, save for a few moments I’ve thought ‘it would be nice to do this with a guy rn’ or fantasised about it. It’s just confusing me because I think I like a guy at the moment, but I’m not sure if I actually like him or if I just think I do because I’m sexually attracted to him and/or he’s unavailable (he has a girlfriend). The last guy I was in a sort of relationship with (basically boyfriend/girlfriend but not official because I didn’t want to go that far), I thought I liked him at first because he was unavailable, but once he was single and we began getting closer, I realised I really didn’t like him in that way and then I realised that’s exactly what’s happened with everyone I’ve talked to romantically. I’ve thought I liked them, started talking to them and realised I’m really not interested, and then gone on a relationship-hiatus for months on end because I’ve just not been interested in pursuing another relationship. I currently haven’t talked to anyone for a year, and I’m honestly not bothered because I just don’t feel like I properly feel romantic attraction, but there are still moments when I think about how it would be nice to have a boyfriend. My main problem when getting into relationships, aside from realising I don’t like them, is I always feel stifled and like I’m nowhere near as attracted to them as they are to me. For example, I reply fairly slowly (usually every few hours or so) and my partner at the time would usually send me messages asking where I’ve gone, but I’d just not be replying to them because I need a lot of my own space and distance in a relationship or I feel stifled. But this is so extensive that I’d rather see them once or twice a week max, and only message them every so often otherwise I just feel like it’s too in depth if you get me? However, I’m usually like this with friends in that I take a while to reply to everyone, but surely if I really liked someone I’d prefer to talk to/see them more often?? It’s the main factor that turns me off, the more romantic attraction they show, the less I feel kind of thing. I’m not sure, I’ve done some research into the different areas of aromanticism, and I feel like I may fall into cupioromantic because I sometimes desire a relationship but don’t feel genuine romantic attraction, but I’m confused. Past experiences may suggest I don’t feel romantic attraction, but that could just be the fact I often rushed into past relationships and got with guys who weren’t fully supportive of me. As well, there’s the fact I think I like a guy right now. I’m not sure, what do you guys think?
  41. 2 points
    As @bananaslug said, our goals right now are as follows: As we mentioned before, we want this website to act like an official resource for education about aromanticism and a way to connect various aromantic discussions happening in different spaces. This first aim and trying to get contact from media through the website especially means that we'd be treated as representatives, as a way for people who aren't aromantic to get insight into aromantic perspectives from an inside source. That said, we will invite others to contribute or volunteer and represent the organization as a whole, should they wish to. We don't want to be the only representatives (i.e., ignoring others or pretending we know everything) but our team is made up of people who are ready to devote the time and energy to do their research and act as spokespeople for official purposes. We'll have an "About" page, which will introduce everyone on the team, so it'll be clear who is actually working on the website, in what capacity and what specific input they have (for example in terms of non-sam identities). We can include the basis on which people were chosen for the team. We won't include anything about not being the chosen representatives, because this would just undermine the website in the eyes of people coming from the outside of aro communities. We'd rather work to really represent aromantics as well as possible. It's true, one of main aims of this initiative's is to represent aromantics, because we think we (aros) need that. We are monitoring this thread - if you have a question, feel free to ask it and we'll answer. What's the question?
  42. 2 points
    So, I've got a question. What about this would change if you weren't aro? Let's say that all your friends are, in fact, going to stop talking to you for 363 days a year once they settle into romantic relationships. If that's the sort of people your friends are, then even if you weren't aro, they would still all leave and ignore you eventually. And that, to me, is a problem that's got nothing to do with you being aro. Even if you had a romantic partner of your own, you'd still be left with only that one person in your social life for 363 days of the year. Even if you had a perfect, fantastic relationship with a person you loved romantically with all your heart, it would still be incredibly unhealthy not to have other friends. Humans are social creatures, and it's just plain bad for us - not to mention risky for practical reasons - to rely on one single person to be your entire social and emotional support network. What I'm getting at here is: If all your current friends are the sort of people who will one day cut all ties with you for the sake of romance, then even if you weren't aro, you'd still be in serious trouble. There's no way to say "you need better friends" that doesn't sound trite, and I know it can be difficult to meet people. But I will tell you this: I don't know a single person in a romantic relationship who doesn't have friends. Many of my friends are in fact married with kids, and they still need and want me in their lives because they still need a social network of more than one person. And the older I get, the more I find that pretty much everyone I know recognises that fact. Recognises that one person is not a network, and recognises the genuine value of having relationships outside of their romantic ones. That's why I'm not worried about my friends "moving on". My relationships with them aren't the same as the ones they have with their romantic partners, but they're still important to each of us.
  43. 2 points
    heya welcome! i'm doing alright thank you for asking and hope you have a great day ovo
  44. 2 points
    i'm a very touchy and affectionate aro ghsdjfhsjhjsfh i like hugging anyone that might need one or just cause!
  45. 2 points
    thank you for the welcome both of you! actually i go by christian because i like the name and also i believe in God as well ghsdjfsh nblw is just short for a nonbinary person that's attracted to women and sapphic is another term for someone that's attracted to women as well!
  46. 2 points
    @Cristal GrisI think it can definitely be harder to have friends if you have mental health issues or are aromantic in a society where romance is seen as the most important thing. I'm glad you at least know what's going on because I think that can be very helpful and so can talking about it. @running.tallyI'm glad things have improved so much for you. Thanks for the positivity you spread here. I definitely already had some mental health issues including some anxiety before the stuff in middle school with the dating scene, but it became worse for me then. I don't think being aromantic is to blame for any of it though; I think amatonormativity is for making me think I really wanted a romantic relationship and become distressed about not being able to find one and for teaching people of all orientations that romantic relationships are always more important than friendships.
  47. 2 points
    ( TW : mention of self harm and bullying) I deal with social anxiety and PTSD. Because of bullying (two years of it non stop, everyday, when i was 12-13 year old) While my aromantism and my mental health are unrelated, it cause me troubles with friendship. (trust issues, in other peoples but especially in myself. ) I am just glad i know about ptsd and anxiety because i really thought something was wrong with me and it was my fault. Not that it stop me from self harming and feeling guilty. Damn it, anxiety. Well i guess it help to talk about it.
  48. 2 points
    Very fascinating! I genuinely appreciate the insight you took the time to give me. It helps a lot.
  49. 2 points
    To everybody who has commented so far, I really appreciate your insightful responses and I hope that there are more to come. I very much appreciate the discussion so far, though I'd like to comment on a few things. I hadn't thought about this. In my mind aromantic and asexual are orientations and the oriented at the beginning is just to demonstrate the extra orientation. But I can see where you're coming from, and now that you've pointed it out, it will probably bother me a little bit too. I only know one lesbian and I think that she would probably be pretty understanding. I've considered bringing this up with her, but the level of explanation this would require would be astronomical. Even then there's no guarantee that she would even get it. I have tried to explain all of this to my two queerplatonic partners with varying levels of success and as much as I would like to embrace this, the explanation is really a killjoy. My experience so far has been that the division between the different segments of the larger LGBT+ community exists almost entirely on the internet while real life queer spaces tend to be much more mixed. I could be wrong as I have heard of trans and asexual specific groups, but for the most part it seems being pretty mixed. That being said, yes, I think I would like to interact with lesbian/wlw communities. This aesthetic and alterous attraction to women has been a source of confusion for me, as I first identified as gay, then as homoromantic asexual before realizing that I didn't quite match up with what I was hearing from other homoromantic asexuals. I think it would be wonderful to interact with other lesbian aroaces but that doesn't seem likely to happen. I mostly get excited if I meet someone who fits one category, whether its lesbian, asexual, or aromantic. I would love to interact with others who have as you say "unorthodox-axis" identities. I almost think that @bananaslug and I should start a little support group or something of our own. To be honest my original question was somewhat muddled in my head. I was asking if lesbian aroace is a real thing, and I appreciate your input on that. I do tend to agree more with Coyote in that new identities can be made up. It seems to me that much of the lgbt+ community is built around creating new words to describe our diverse experiences. And yes, the ethicacy of using the lesbian aroace label is also a question in my mind.
  50. 2 points
    probably just for conversation or curiousity since we where all lgbt folks. someone else had also asked if she was tired and she thought he had asked if she was trans, so she replied. "no im homo"
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