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  1. 6 points
    i saw someone (not on here) whose username had 'aro' in it so i messaged her asking, "like aromantic?" she goes "how do you know???" apparently she'd never met any others. we had a good chat.
  2. 5 points
    Remind me when a guy told me he would commit suicide if I refuse to be his girlfriend... We were 18 at that time, so I talk about this to his mother and never talked to him again. I suggest you have a serious discussion with them about how you feel, and about where your relationship is going. And if they refuse to understand, to leave. You don't have to say in a relationship that makes yourself uncorftable. If you are worried they'll do something to themselves, you can talk about it to people who are close to them to ask them to be aware, be sure they have someone to support them and talk to them, or find another way to help them feeling better without you being involved, so they won't be alone. But that kind of relationship isn't healthy for everyone.
  3. 5 points
    I think one of the most harmful tropes that is bad for everyone to buy into is the idea of relationship second (or more chances). People do bad things and then are forgiven because of love. Generally the bad thing is the conflict or drama of the story and then it gets wrapped up into a happy ending. Admittedly there are some shows and movies that don't follow this but they are seen as, I guess, more of a individual case specific to those circumstances while the second-chance-happily-ever-after movies use similar one liners like: Don't give up on the one you love. Everyone deserves a second chance. Don't turn your back on love. Forgiveness will free you. or the idea that to move on from a relationship you have to fall in love with someone else, so more a case of give the person a rebound relationship and expect them to forgive you and understand. Yeah, so basically the idea you have to have someone and that bad things should be forgiven in the name of love.
  4. 4 points
    I think the issue with 'cheating' is that there has been an (implicit or explicit) agreement made to have a monogamous relationship. So it's a breach of trust if one of the partners breaks that agreement. An open relationship is completely different to 'cheating' IMO. If it has been discussed and agreed that those are the terms of the relationship then 'seeing other people' isn't 'cheating' i.e. breaking the rules of an agreement. It's playing by those rules - by definition it's playing fairly and not cheating! I agree that monogamy is essentially arbitrary and don't see why something true of friendship (you can have more than one friend at once) shouldn't be true of sexual relationships more often. People should feel more free to discuss and adopt the type of relationship they actually want and not just assume a standard template. Tangentially, it's interesting to speculate on what the reasons for the 'standard template' could be. I was doing that here a while ago.
  5. 3 points
    Nice. I've never met an eclectic pagan before! It's cool that your parents didn't force anything on you. I really wish more parents did that nowadays. Before I got confirmed (yup, there was no escaping it), my Youth Group took us to multiple churches and temples nearby. I got to see a hindu temple, a Sikh temple, etc. It was really cool. Awareness of other religions and cultures is super important and I like that Religions aren't being so exclusive anymore. Though the United States (where I live) still has a long way to go towards complete acceptance. Hello fellow atheist 👋 I'm glad you're Catholic school is accepting of who you are. It gives me a little more hope for humanity when we can accept those who are different.
  6. 3 points
    I haven't watched much Anime but I definitely recognize that trope. Though I suppose most of the time the obliviousness is only from one of them. Or they are enemies that love each other without realizing it. The one trope that seems the most harmful to me is Love conquers all. The idea that no matter how many practical problems there is with the relationship they can never weigh heavier than the feelings. I've seen it so many times, and in real life too.
  7. 3 points
    How do you know it's a crush and not a squish? (I'm not arguing, I just genuinely find it hard to tell them apart lol)
  8. 3 points
    I think it's more of an anime romance trope, but I can't stand the trope of "these people are in love; they just haven't noticed yet or are otherwise oblivious to their own feelings." (Think Ouran High School Host Club.) That trope threw off my questioning for years, and I wouldn't be shocked if it was reinforcing my need to constantly reassess if my platonic bonds are, in fact, 100% platonic. (Doesn't help when the rest of the world makes assumptions about your closer friendships either.)
  9. 3 points
    i agree, i don't understand how allos don't get tired of the same narrative over and over. my parents and i will be watching a movie, right, and even if it starts out quite well, it almost invariably ends up incorporating dull romantic cliches. and just as i'm experiencing disappointment (but not surprise) my mom will comment on how sweet it is. unbelievable. the few aro stories i've read have been so refreshing. one of them has stuck with me for years--short but lovely and real, it made me cry without being tragic or overwrought. (at the risk of sounding pretentious, i think the art of subtlety is uncommon and vastly underappreciated.) i understand that it can be difficult to write from a perspective you haven't experienced, but isn't that kind of a writer's job? i'd like to see more creativity.
  10. 3 points
    I used to get romance zoned a lot at school. For a while I would just get in a relationship but once I realised I was aromantic it got really annoying. I just wanted guy friends and their dumb romantic feelings never let me.
  11. 2 points
    I loved romcoms and romantic movies growing up, but I do think they can instill problematic ideas about gender and relationships. I think we can enjoy these movies but at the same time acknowledge that they are not and should not apply to real life. I really appreciated this video because so many of these tropes caused me to believe I was not aro but rather just one of those "independent women who needed to be worn down." The whole "no means yes" concept was pretty harmful to me too as an aro person because I thought I wanted romance "deep down." Can anyone else attest to being dangerously misguided by these tropes?
  12. 2 points
    This is something I wrote on tumblr. I'm a pretty avid reader and a huge fangirl--I read plenty of fanfiction, including the sexual ones, and something has come to my attention, repeatedly. It led me to think about how important positive media representation is. I don't think any of my followers are aro, so they don't care, but I thought you guys might be interested, so here's my post: This is regarding the following trope: character (let’s call them Joe) is known not to be romantic, Joe meets someone, that all changes. Let me elaborate. Maybe the author indicates that Joe isn’t one for relationships or, worse yet, “serious” relationships. (Yes, worse: whatever the hell that means, it does not necessarily mean ‘romantic relationships’. I would certainly consider a lifelong friendship more serious than a year-long romantic relationship. So there’s problem #1.) Maybe the author states that Joe has never been in love or even explicitly identifies them as aromantic. I’ve seen it before, only because I was specifically looking for such stories. What I’ve rarely seen is the character remaining that way. Time and time again, Joe enters into, or is already in a relationship, whether platonic, sexual, or both, and by the end of the story, it’s romantic. The ultimate happy ending. This is damaging mainly because it perpetuates the idea seen virtually everywhere that romantic relationships or love are the best or most important kind. Again, this is often called 'true love,’ suggesting that other types of love are not (or are less) legitimate or strong. To an aromantic confident in their identity (like me), this sort of narrative is offensive and frankly, tedious. To one who’s unhappy or unsure about identifying as such, it’s invalidating and likely deterring them from choosing or continuing to do so. And to anyone, regardless or identity, it’s an unhealthy mindset. It’s times like these–in other words, pretty much constantly–that I feel my aromanticism is a blessing and a curse: the former because a life spent searching for the supposed one person who could bring me true happiness sounds like a sad life indeed, and the latter because if I hear one more phrase to the effect of “you just haven’t met the right person,” I’ll introduce them to my fist before they can introduce me to their idea of this magical person. It’s like telling a supposedly gay girl (let me clarify: homoromantic) that she’ll find the right guy, or writing such an experience for such a character. And something tells me that wouldn’t be well-received. You’re not being inclusive for writing a character of a marginalized identity if you then write its correction, as a positive thing, no less. If anything, that’s worse than nothing at all. So let’s stop trying to invalidate and correct people’s orientations, because no, it won’t make them happier, it won’t make their life better, and unless their identity happens to change of its own accord, it won’t work. Notice I started out talking about fiction and ended up talking more about real life. That’s because the prevalence and impact of the media we consume, intentionally or otherwise, is immense. I’m not saying that romance in fiction or in life is a bad thing, not at all; what I’m saying (and I hope by now I’ve conveyed it quite thoroughly) is that the persistent idea of it as the 'be-all, end-all’ shows not only a lack of acceptance of people whose orientation and/or choices don’t include that, but a lack of creativity. If you’ve stuck with me, this is a genuine thanks for your time. I’d very much appreciate your sharing it, not only by reblogging but by taking the message into consideration in your writing and your life. -- So yeah, I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but if you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them.
  13. 2 points
    Well, it’s gone pretty well, thank you! I did maths, quite a lot of maths actually! Went on a walk, practiced for my festival appearance for percussion, drawn a few drawings and browsed the internet. Pretty boring and mediocre but it’s gonna be pretty hectic and fun tomorrow!
  14. 2 points
    I'm eclectic pagan. I was more or less raised that way, although I was never forced into the religion and my mom wanted to make sure I was exposed to multiple religions in order to make my own choice, so I went to a UU church as a kid. But I wound up feeling most drawn to paganism anyway, lmao.
  15. 2 points
    @mycopup Hey! Welcome to Arocalypse! There's an infinite amount of here, so take what you want! You've come to the right place for community.
  16. 2 points
    Hey everybody! 💖 my name is Tommi, i'm a pansexual aromantic boigyrl who's known i was somewhere on the aro-spectrum for a long time but didn't realize i'm just....straight up aromantic until recently. i'm currently in a long-distance quasiplatonic relationship w/ my sweetheart O, who was formerly my boyfriend/datefriend before we both realized we're aro. i live in the DFW, TX area with my little queer patchwork family of my chosen sibling (who i moved in with after having some family troubles earlier this year), their fiancee, and our 2 cats. im mostly here to meet other aro people and just... talk about this whole experience in a space where it doesn't feel weird. tbh i feel super left out of the greater society at this point because of all of this, which isn't necessarily BAD but i def need some community 😅
  17. 2 points
    Hi, I'm Marrow, and I'm aroace. I like to write, read, watch cartoons and play video games. I enjoy creepypastas (not most of the popular ones, though :P) and the SCP Foundation. I'm into fandom as well. Now, delving into my aromantic backstory, it was clear I was different from my peers when it came to romance as early as elementary school. My classmates were already "sort of" dating and stuff and I was shocked because I felt that that was way too young to do those sort of things. It wasn't until way, way longer that I realized I just didn't feel romantic attraction, however. Anyway, I hope to have a good time here. Thanks for reading!
  18. 2 points
    I would tell him, again, that you don't feel that stuff for him and then maybe spend some time away from him so that he isn't reminded of you. That may help him get over you.
  19. 2 points
    Come on, guys Everybody knows that a vehicle with a third wheel is much more stable than one with fewer wheels
  20. 2 points
    Was explaining aromanticism to someone today (a stranger who overheard me talking about it with someone else) and when I explained that I don't get crushes or date or anything like that he legit asks me, "So... what are your goals then?" Lol. We had a good chat.
  21. 2 points
    I've also seen the "Joe thought romance just wasn't for him, no matter who his friends tried to hook him up with *cue montage of four people with the last one put up as the stereotypical gag/punchline setup*, but it wasn't until a chance encounter with the mafia that..." narrative way too many times. However, I think now you don't even have to go to the level of it being insulting to aros, because the storyline has been done just far too many times. It's the kind of plotline that you can trope and make fun of. I think a good first step for this sort of media is to have just a really well written bildigungsroman for an aro. I tried to write some fanfic to fit that for myself, but looking back at it...it's just bad and it's so hamfisted. Personally, I want such a story where the character goes from something like this: Full of anger or maybe even possible jealousy, to an acceptance that feels like this: of just this calm, mature tranquility of having roughed the seas of young adulthood. In fact, that first image from Bloom Into You was a series I was heavily into (before I learned the English translation of the title, which would have been a heavy hint, and until it turned into yet another "They fall in love in the end" cliche), because to even think of a character reacting to someone else feeling attraction with jealousy because they don't feel that is just so unique to read that it feels incredibly refreshing. I want that sensation again.
  22. 2 points
    I'ma start the sharing off with a piece i wrote titled Is This Beautiful thats one of my favorites Warning: mention of suicide and i've made like 3 people nearly cry with this
  23. 2 points
    When you thought all this time your standards were just incredibly high 🙄
  24. 2 points
    The more time I get romo zoned the more I get the impression that romantic interest is something completely different from any other kind of interest in a person. Hence I actually kinda like the concept of different zones (as stupid and broad as the term "friend zone" is). I feel like it's almost as uncommon to move from a persons romo zone to a friend zone as the other way around. The only choice is to leave their zones entirely. That's a good suggestion. I'm using it now.
  25. 2 points
    this has happent to me SOOO many times to me.. T_T and its sucks a pain in the ass.. true we can "still be friends" but the truth is once I make it clear im not interesteed OR they get feelings for someone else (general its both) then they dont have any time for me anymore..
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