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  2. Hey guys, gals, and pals. I'm in a dilemma. I recently discovered that I was aromantic (and bi-curious) after a school friend of mine introduced the idea of asexuality. I had always known that I just didn't get crushes and had always made up crushes on the spot whenever friends wouldn't let me drop the subject of romance. So, when my friend brought up the idea, I adopted it pretty quickly, and everything was fine. On the other hand, because my family is heavily romance-oriented, i've had countless discussions, or rather arguments, with my parents about romance and needing to find a partner. My mom and I have a really good relationship, and I feel that it's important to tell her about my romantic orientation. The one problem with that is that I am 16 years old. She's pretty accepting of LGBT, however I know exactly what her reaction to me coming out as aro will be, and it will be telling me that I'm too young to decide that I don't feel romantic attraction, accompanied with the obligatory, "oh, you'll find someone someday!" and comforting me. Maybe it's because I can't handle rejection from a prominent parental figure in my life. Maybe I'm just paranoid that it will inevitably go wrong. However, I understand that the decision to tell her is one that I can't ever take back and it will change my relationship with my parents forever and if I regret it after the fact, I can't take it back. I also feel guilty every time that my mom asks if there are any "updates with [my] love life" and I know that I'm lying to her. Are there any other people out there who are going/ have gone through the same thing and could give me advice?
  3. It'd depend on the couple but i wouldn't advise them not to date an aro person any more than i'd advise them not to date an alloromantic person, aro just means no romantic attraction, the person may still be very interested in romance and be a great romantic partner for the person, we can't make assumptions based solely on a lack of attraction
  4. I would advise ANYONE to talk to the person their interested in in ANY sort of relationship about expectations/needs/desires. Im married and got married before I knew the word aro(no kidding i legit decided to go for it cause "wow he doesnt annoy me as much as other people"(I was a teenager)) and Im now out with him and did some polyam dating for a while before deciding it super wasnt for me. The thing is, there was no honeymoon period or like losing interest romantically or anything like that so in some ways I am a loyal and devoted partner for LIFE. It's all about perspective and the individuals. But really i think we need to teach people to communicate our expectations. As a baby aro i was obsessed with "oathtaking" and made friends when they passed a certain threshold of closeness sign a handwritten oath based on medieval chivalry and Even turned down a friend who wanted to sign with me(Ive relaxed a LOT since then but it does speak to my aroness and my openness toward speaking about expectations regardless of romantic Orientation).
  5. You know, I never knew there was a term for it and I am very thankful for your expertise. I sometimes have cis people tell me they "never think about their gender(But being expected to (insert gender role stereotype here) annoys them too) so what makes them different than me who is nonbinary" and I didnt know there was a term to describe it so thank you. I have dysphoric hypomania as well as gender dysphoria so to me it was always a clearly definable feeling for me so pinpointing it didnt take a lot of effort/existential angst.
  6. I would refrain from this kind of armchair psychology.
  7. I want a BFF like a medieval warrior and his lord kind of relationship. Someone who always has my back, and we can have beers in pubs and shoot the shit, or go camping together. I think I would have fit into to an older more outdated relationship model. I have a theory that aro wasnt as politically necessary in eras before the rise of the middle class, privacy, and noblemen marrying for love rather than political positions. In older societies many people lived in the same home, or on the same plot of land, and raising children was a community situation; there was lordly devotion and queenly devotion from knights and of course, falling in love with those outside your stations- these types of relationships were coveted, rare, and well, romanticised in fiction precisely because they were not as easily accessible. My theory is that many of us still fit well into these outdated relationship models but the way we form family and tribal groups now centres on monogamous or romantic pairings and small family units and we now stand out/dont fit into the mould. I always think my ideal would be something chivalric- chivalric devotion and protectiveness or being close platonic bros but not "romantic" as we see it today.
  8. Yesterday
  9. Hello, hello! I'm Kzupir, an aromantic asexual, but I haven't always identified this way. In fact, I only realized I was aromantic and asexual this year. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, y'see. I identified as asexual for a while in my early teens because I did not want sex, but switched to homosexual when I conflated my sexual fantasies with actual sexual attraction to men, which I never experienced. When I realized I couldn't experience sexual attraction, I finally accepted that being ace is who I am. My aromantic identity came after a harder struggle. I have dated twice before, and while I had fun, I always felt disconnected to my partners. I loved calling them my boyfriend and significant other, but I did not want to kiss them, cuddle them, or say typical romantic things with them. In hindsight, I just saw them as my best friend with the boyfriend/significant other label tacked on. And it wasn't the romance that I liked. It was the feeling of being special to them. A few years later, I developed a "crush" on my new best friend. I was so upset about this because I thought I wanted more with her. I felt so strongly about her that I even cried a few times after she told me she didn't want a relationship with me. But throughout all this, I still didn't want to do romantic things with her. I just wanted to support her, live with her, and be with her. And suddenly, I had an epiphany. How the hell is this any different from wanting to be her best friend? It wasn't. When I realized I was aromantic, I felt so relieved. Things made sense. Why I never wanted to do romantic things, why I even felt uncomfortable with the prospect of romance associated with me, why I never understood romance in movies, why I confused romance with a deep friendship. Now that I know it's okay not to want more in my relationship with my "crush," I am so much happier. I am excited to see who her actual boyfriend (or girlfriend, or significant other) will be. I will always support her and be with her, even if it's not romantically, and that's just how I like it. Thanks for reading my story. Cheers!
  10. Certainly some of the titles could be applicable from an aro perspective.
  11. I think you could have a scene like that, but should it be at the start of the story? Usually the first scene is supposed to give the reader some indication what the story is about. Maybe work the aro discussion into the story at another point.
  12. I don't really look for any specific types of relationships. I want every relationship to grow organically from what we both want. If I found someone who I got along with extremely well and felt comfortable with, I might want to get into a more committed life partner relationship with them. But I wouldn't go looking for a qpr.
  13. I wonder if an possible factor is that these make extensive use of social learning. With autistic people often experiencing social exclusion form an early age and/or this just isn't a good learning style for us.
  14. It was difficult to pick options which seemed reasonable whilst avoiding having a huge list. I think that wanting friendships which different from the socially normative is fairly common amongst aros. Though there might be huge variation in terms of what those differences are. Something I can find difficult to get across to allos is that waning some friendships to be "purely platonic" is not the same as wanting all of them to be that way... What I was intending to get over was something along the lines of "Doing things where there's a social assumption that they only (should) happen in a romantic relationship without there being any romance being involved."
  15. I'm autistic! Dunno if there's an inherent link, but i spent a lot of my childhood wondering about the concept of love, whether I could feel it or not; because it was a complex, undefined concept that I didn't really understand. Same applied to my orientation and gender; I don't understand it and in this case; I'm certain I don't experience. Additionally; there are higher percentages of LGBT+ autistic people and autistic LGBT+ people! Some theories I have - Concepts like gender may have less hold on us, or, it may be that if you're already deemed a social outcast you may be more willing to explore other aspects of yourself that are also not socially accepted. And with more LGBT+ people being open with our autistic identity in LGBT+ spaces it may lead other LGBT+ to recognise shared experiences and begin to question whether they're autistic too
  16. I think this is good advice. I've been trying to be more open about my disinterest in dating and relationships. It's difficult though because it's a topic I have long tried to avoid. I'm trying to get used to asking people if they have a gf/bf and then when they ask the same I can explain that I don't date.
  17. I just posted that I thought Will from Stranger Things was aro in a YouTube comment, and an idiot responded it doesn't exist. I am angry right now.
  18. I checked a few, including that "romance coded" option tho the wording doesn't sit right with me either
  19. I also have dreams about being in happy relationships, and these have caused me to question my orientation many times, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm still aro. I don't know what your dreams are like, but for me, these dreams include lots of cuddling and deep conversations, but nothing that is definitively "romantic." I also tend to dream more about the cuddling when I'm especially touch-starved. I think my dreams have helped me realize what I want in a relationship, which is close friendship with lots of physical affection. That being said, even if you are doing romantic things in these dreams, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not aromantic. Remember that they're just dreams. I've had dreams about eating asparagus before, even though in reality, I hate eating asparagus. I've had dreams about being married off to some stranger before, but that doesn't mean I want to get married in real life. Also, it's hard to differentiate sometimes, since society likes to call any close relationship romantic. Something that has helped me is to kind of ignore the labels of "platonic" versus "romantic," and instead of trying to push what I'm feeling into a box, just accepting it for what it is.
  20. Speak your truth with the word SHIVAI -- I AM SHIVAI

  21. This poll doesn't really cover what I want at all... I want "purely platonic friendship", yes, but the views I have on friendship/what I want from a friendship generally are a bit different from how allo society conceptualizes friendships. I would also be interested in a sexual relationship, but I do not consider it "romantic coded" and am not comfortable with checking of an option that implies that I want anything of the sort, given that I'm very romance repulsed.
  22. Last week
  23. platonic friendships, sexual relationships, maybe QPRs, or combinations of those. i do love being alone but i think 'little to no interaction' would be a stretch.
  24. Hi there! You can call me Mach. I'm an agender person in my mid-20s, and I'm asexual and aromantic ... kind of? It's a big question mark to me, and I'm here to figure it out. I deal with a few mental health issues, mainly borderline personality disorder, dissociation and recurrent depression, among other things. I'm a soon-to-be-published author, and currently pursuing entrance to a master's program in Russian literature.
  25. today's mood: tired web developer, in need of assistance or coffee. 

    1. running.tally

      running.tally

      Really really awesome and irreplaceable tired web developer who works very hard :aroicecream:

  26. You'd have to ask Aceadmiral for the specifics. I don't know of it ever being formally introduced/proposed in the way that some terms are (announced with a definition, you know the drill), but you can see some incidental uses of it here, here, and here. Does the sound of it resonate with you, or are you just curious? Yes. I'm keeping track of the other places the link has been posted here. I have not. Please do! Absolutely. But in more styles than just that, too. The main reference point I have -- the thing I think it would be good to have an aro umbrella equivalent of -- is the essays on the Asexual Perspectives page on AVEN. They're linked right there next to the FAQ, so it makes it easy to start reading further when you're just finding out about/first researching the thing. They're about topics like coming out, discovering your orientation, feeling alienated from society, rude responses people have, advice, and so on. I don't know of any collection of similar essays on, you know... discovering the aromantic umbrella, coming out as aro, feeling alienated from amatonormativity, rude responses people have about aromanticism, advice, personal narratives of living single/unpartnered, etc. People have definitely written about these things, I'm sure, I just don't yet know of any places they've been... collected, as such, in the same way. Now that the Carnival of Aros has started, though, it might be possible to retrofit some of those pieces, if the authors in question would be up for that.
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