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  2. Ya, I'm trying to look at it from a different perspective, and so far it's working for me. I'm slowly becoming able to read them without to much trouble. I think it'll just take time.
  3. that does sound like my experience. especially if she's heterosexual, or bi/pan i guess, she might assume her romantic orientation was concordant, or even be unfamiliar with the concept of romantic orientation. and in any case, enjoying your company and friendship (possibly a squish, sure) could have led her to believe dating was a logical next step...part of the idea of amatonormativity (basically the idea that romantic relationships are the most important type and are necessary for happiness), which is not separate from heteronormativity. and yeah, i kept trying to make it work, i thought i just had to get used to it, but i never did. i'm glad to hear that you're taking an interest in her possible aromanticism while acknowledging that it's up to her to label it or not, and continuing your friendship.
  4. Today
  5. I hear you. I have been experiencing the same thing since I found out that I'm aromantic. It just feels weird somehow doesn't it? I was totally fine with reading/watching romance stuff before I knew I was aromantic. I just assumed I thought that romance was dumb and didn't like it, but then after realizing that I feel no connection to all those things happening in books/movies the stories just feel so weird! I personally feel a bit isolated reading/watching all those romance stuff... Honestly, makes me feel both bad and sad a little bit. I guess it is because I never realized how there is zero representation for people like me before? Well anyway, I just try to look at the story from a different point of view. Sure, I'm aromantic, but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy stuff that includes romance. You don't have to relate to every single thing a character does in the story to enjoy it... right?
  6. Hi to all of you great arospec folks! I am Sel, and I joined here to talk to more aromantic people since I identify myself as aroace. I am also working on some aromantic & other queer merches, and will be happy to let you guys know as soon as I launch them! My profile pic is one of the pin button works I did, so if you like it... Maybe planning on buying in some nearby future?
  7. Yesterday
  8. I am a Korean Canadian aroace! Both my parents tell me and my siblings that they are open to LGBTQ+, and they somwhat are, compared to most Korean parents. But it is quite visible that my dad is pretty repulsive with the idea of one of me or my siblings being queer (lol dad, too late) or even interacting with queer people in real life. My mom tries to be supportive to LGBTQ+ people but she still says some ignorant stuff. I actually came out to my mom as aroace by accident, and even though she said a lot of ignorant words she said she will support me no matter my sexual/romantic orientation. Frankly, I don't think she really grasped the concept of aro/ace, and kinda gave me that "aren't you too young to be deciding that stuff"/"maybe you might find THE ONE"/"who knows, your romantic & sexual orientation might change in the future" talk, but well at least she's trying. But still, to be honest I feel pretty stressed living with my family... My dad claims to be liberal but he is actually pretty conservative, and kinda forces the idea of dating and getting married to a nice Korean guy onto me even though I repeatedly said I don't want to get married, not ever in my life. And it really stresses the hell out of me. He is a stereotypical Asian dad kind of dad, and my siblings are no different. I don't even want to come out as aroace to my other family members cuz they will say some mean stuff without meaning to hurt me, or just think it as a phase, but I will be hurt nevertheless. It sounds pretty depressing but at least I'm off to college next year so I'm looking forward to that!
  9. Hi, my name's Lea, and I'm aroace! (...I think, it's a bit confusing sksjsk.) I came here to meet other aro people, and hopefully make some friends! I don't really have anything else to say, I guess... Well, I hope anyone reading this has an excellent day!
  10. I'm actually trying to figure out if I want to come out. And if I do, then how? My friend confessed to me, and I tried to explain how I don't feel those emotions in connection to me. But I think I messed up, because later that day, he wanted to know if I "thought about it". I was like, "yes, I already told you no." And now I'm worried. I'm worried that he still has hope, and that he's just going to hurt himself. I'm also worried about talking to him, because I don't know what I did to make him think I was interested, so how will I know how to avoid it? I think coming out would be good, but I'm also nervous. I tried talking to my mom, but she told me to wait and "not make any rash decisions". Like, what about that is rash? I am also worried because if I do decide to come out, how? How do I explain to people about what I am, without it seeming like an excuse not to be with this person?
  11. So, I recently found out that I'm Aromantic. More specifically, I'm Autochorisromantic/Aegoromantic. I never had to even think about this stuff (never really thought about romance in connection to me), but recently I had to let someone down. Now this isn't about that, it's just a reference type thing. Anyway. Now that I'm more aware of how I feel about romance in connection with me, I feel slightly weird reading/watching story's/movies I was fine with before. I almost feel guilty reading/watching them. Like, I'm not repulsed by romance in, like, movies or books. I just don't like it connected to me. Will this last forever? Or will the almost guilt like feeling continue? Anyone have any suggestions for me?
  12. If you want name suggestions, "sex and sexuality" is something that could be used to indicate that it's more about the sexual behavior/feelings aspect than the identity aspect (as opposed to say, sexuality and gender or orientations and gender or sexual and gender identities etc. As names for the current forum). For example http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/ (although I don't think it makes sense to go quite so granular here as it is already a smaller forum) On another note, this doesn't solve most of the wider issue at all but could address one specific slice - when I was back on AVEN, there was at one point a stickied "TMI Thread" that was an open thread for any and all explicit topics that one might want to discuss (often sexual or genital related, but sometimes other things like explicit descriptions of weird medical issues or whatever.) It was a great place for having frank discussions about things like, say, vaginal secretions or masturbation techniques or frustration about vaginismus or other things that other users may not have wanted to see un-warned-for in other general threads.
  13. It's you \o/ haha, hi. I knew you had an Arocalypse account but was too shy to tag you. I didn't want to be presumptuous. 2) The Sexuality and Gender board stays the same, but a new Sexuality board is created. Aight, so there is some interest in a new board altogether... We'd have to think of some board name to make it sufficiently distinct from the "Sexuality and Gender" board, and also I'm thinking the description should maybe have specific words like sexual attraction, sexual desire, sexual relationships, etc. to make the purpose clear. Another thing, too: Would it also go under the Miscellaneous category? That seems to fit technically well enough, but I wonder if that'd risk letting it go overlooked.
  14. I got so sick of all the love songs I’ve had to listen to at my work that I made a cleanse playlist of songs I actually relate to that are aro-sounding (and ace). Now I gotta listen to it every time I get off my shift
  15. what about in situations where the cisgender person is often misgendered? is that also a valid trigger for dysphoria?
  16. Oh shit that's me Honestly, I like the second option best.
  17. I wrote this up expecting it to be short and then it wasn't, so I've broken it up into sections: the Problem, the Catch, and a few suggestions for a Solution. The Problem Lately, what I've been happening to come across from aro tumblr suggests a dire need for moderated spaces. For example: Tumblr users generally use "tags" as kind of makeshift community spaces, but tags are unmoderated, so when there's a problem with off-topic content in the tags, there's no way for anyone else to remove it. Here are some posts that talk about this in relation to aro tumblr: example, example, example. More generally, I've also come across some posts from aro allos (specifically) talking about feeling like they're not allowed to talk about sexuality in the aromantic community. Here are some posts that talk about this: example, example. To me, as much as we can try to hold the problem people accountable, this also points toward a structural need for more private and/or more moderated spaces. Arocalypse may not offer more privacy (for that, I'd recommend Dreamwidth or Pillowfort), but it does have more moderation than the Tumblr aro tags. So, from seeing these conversations, I'm wondering about how Arocalypse can create more of the space that these folks are expressing a need for -- aro spaces for talking about sexuality. I came here to this board, the Site Comments board, to suggest the creation of a Sexuality* board to begin to address this. *Note: in this particular case, I am using "sexuality" and not "allosexuality." That's because I'm trying to refer something a little more detached from specific identity labels. I don't want people to feel stuck or unsure whether they should use the board on account of not having a sexual orientation label, as is the case for some aros. The Catch But then I noticed that there already was a Sexuality board. The current title for it is Sexuality and Gender. It's currently in the Miscellaneous category (after the Aromanticism category), and its description is this: From that description ("various sexual orientations") and from looking at the most recently-bumped threads, it sounds like this is for "sexuality" in a very general sense that includes "asexuality." Currently the front page of threads in that board includes titles like "Is it possible to be aromantic, but NOT asexual?" "Aromanticism + A/sexual Identity - How does everyone here identify?" "Demisexuality, sex drive and the emotional bond" and "The Asexual Thread." So this is a board both intended for and being used for ace umbrella conversations. That's all well and good on its own, but my concern is that's not as useful for addressing the aro allosexual silencing issue. The Solution? I don't know if any changes would make sense here or, if so, what changes would make aro allosexuals feel more welcome to speak. The goal would be to provide a moderated space where aro-umbrella folks of all kinds can have conversations about sexuality -- not "sexual orientation" generally, not celibacy, not nonlibidoism, but sexuality, as in sexual attraction, sexual desire, sexual relationships, and sexual activity. This is what I'm hearing a need for, so this is what I'm suggesting changes be made in order to accommodate. But like I said, I don't know what changes would make the most sense here. I'm going to toss out just a few possibilities as examples: 1) Everything stays the same, because this issue should be addressed a different way. 2) The Sexuality and Gender board stays the same, but a new Sexuality board is created. Insert your name/description suggestions here. 3) The Sexuality and Gender board changes its name and/or its description to be more sexually-oriented. Insert your name/description suggestions here. 4) The Sexuality and Gender board changes its name and/or description to be more reflective of its current content (ex. "Orientation" instead of "Sexuality"), and also, a new Sexuality board is created. Insert your name/description suggestions here. 5) A new Sexuality subboard is created. It's located within the Sexuality and Gender board. Insert your name/description suggestions here. What do y'all think?
  18. Yeah, I get that. The only person that could ever truly discover if she is aro is her herself, and even then that could take a long time. I think pressure was a big thing for her the entire time, she felt she should act certain ways, do certain things, and feel certain ways. And I get that, the norm is to partner up and so for someone to realize they don't fit that, it can be very daunting. I imagine there is a long struggle for many aro's before finally accepting it - ie "maybe just try one more relationship and it could be different" or "Maybe this is just how romance feels". We do get along really well, yes. And while that could be it, idk. There wasn't much risk of losing me. We simply hung out here and there as friends for quite some time beforehand. And then after spending a whole day together one time, she made the move and said she wanted to try dating again, as she thought she liked me and she needed to stop being afraid of everything (ie dating). On top of that, she had seen previously that after both a breakup and a period of her being distant again, I didn't ghost her and remained friends.
  19. Last week
  20. Maybe call it a "Three Day Fling". It is considered one of Shakespeare's tragedies. Thus an example of poor behaviour (or mental illness) on the part of the title characters. Another useful link is https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/
  21. Print this out and use it as a cover for all the work you have to submit. I had to dig a bit because they have been buried but here are some article links from the forums that might give you a different perspective, and you could work some into your assignments. If your teacher gives you the proforma or criteria for marking and you address each section it has but with your own understanding of the question/topic then your teacher can't give you a bad score for not caring about love. (or if they do you can argue it as discrimination) http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1375-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1333-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1269-not-everyone-kisses-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/892-half-the-worlds-cultures-never-kiss/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1111-a-brief-history-of-romantic-love-and-why-it-kind-of-sucks/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/878-history-documentary-on-bedrooms/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/543-how-romanticism-ruined-love/
  22. I think understanding what is aro behaviour and what is not is very hard because most of it is really about internal intentions. Basically what she was feeling and interpreting things. I saw you had a good conversation in another topic with another member, so I hope that helped. But yeah, everyone is under a lot of pressure to act a certain way, and for undiscovered aros it is freaking confusing because there are so few examples of how to live that don't end up as partnering up. (It is also really confusing for basically anyone who doesn't find that is their ideal future, but generally they can still find some common understanding in the general idea of romantic partnering up) If you get along really well it is also possible that her motivations for dating (especially the second time) might have been fear of losing you as a friend. (maybe not, but it is just really really common for friends who want a romantic relationship to ghost us when we are honest)
  23. thats good, I hope it helps her.
  24. Ok, I think I will definitely bring it up with her. It is worth it if there is the possibility of her being able to understand herself better, as you did. And yeah, of course I wouldn't say it like that. I will start by asking if she has ever heard of aromanticism, and from there say that it seems to be similar to things she said and felt, and then yeah the links seem like a great idea, and just leave it open to her to explore if she feels like it.
  25. I think it depends on the person. Me, I would have loved to know about this before, especially the different types. I never connected it to me, because I like reading and watching romance movies. And to know that there is a type of Aromantic that is like that. That was amazing. But make sure you don't say "you are..." Or "your more than likely..." Because those two sentences tend to bring people's walls up. Just send her a link to an information site (like this one) and tell her to look it up. At least, that's what would have worked best w me.
  26. This sounds like her. She dated me cause it seemed like 'the right thing to do' and did things in the relationship because they were 'normal'. I don't want to label her/ say she is aromantic for sure; but everything just seems to add up, and it would explain what happened. It just isn't the kind of thing most people would really think about. Of course your first assumption wouldn't be 'Oh I must be aromantic'. Your only experiences with romance are the ones you have had and there is no way to see how others experience it when you don't exactly. Thus why she would say things like she 'isn't a very touchy or affectionate person' and 'the connection we had must have never been a romantic one'. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this forum and aromanticism as a whole, I think perhaps once the breakup is further in the past, and we are friends, I will bring up the idea of aromanticism with her, and see what she thinks. Unless of course, as someone who is aro, you don't think that wpuld go over well?
  27. Yes, I did make excuses at first. And I tried to be what I thought was "normal", but when I realized that I was actually hurting myself by doing this, that was when I started to look into what was going on. Your probably right in the fact of she hasn't connected the dots. I mean, it took several panic attacks for me to even consider it. Also, I am glad as well. It feels like I don't have a weight on my shoulders anymore.
  28. Did you find yourself thinking it was other things/ making other excuses for why you felt those ways etc? And that's just it. It's not unlikely she has heard of it, but it may not have even occurred to her to try to connect the dots I'm happy for you that you have it sorted out and understand yourself better now though!
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