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  1. Today
  2. @raavenb2619 I just saw this, sorry for taking so long to respond! The link in the original post should be working now.
  3. Just wanted to say that I can really relate to this
  4. I would back @TheLostDragon on the social aspect of such a space. It's needed. To add my own thoughts, I've been to a queer space on my campus and they had speaking activities. I think it would be a good idea to have speaking activities there, too. For example, people could talk about romantic and/or sexual experiences -- including what members think of the sex and romance lives of their peers. I don't know, I may be getting too generic. Speaking activities to get to know the other members could work, though.
  5. For me, it wouldn't have to be a group where they're always doing awareness events or constantly supporting causes and charities. Granted, supporting and contributing to the community is always something to strive for but just having a place to go with the overall idea of being asexual and/or aromantic present is OK. I'm not too social when it comes to events where the individual person has to take it upon themselves to initiate conversation but knowing that there's a place to go, regardless if I'm going to do work or just exist, it would be nice to have the space in a way.
  6. Yesterday
  7. I'm in the process of getting an aros and aces student org started on my campus this year. If you were to attend an event or participate in an in-person community dedicated to aros and aces, what sorts of activities would you want to see? What would keep you coming back? Any other advice?
  8. trying to convince your allo friends to not snowplow your headcanons.....
  9. Hmm interesting.You mentioned that you never really had crushes but then later talk about the fact that you used to want a relationship.Not sure if you want to elaborate on that? I'm not very fond of telling people how they should identify , theorizing why they identify a certain way etc. Having said that,you might want to ask yourself whether you knew about aromanticism or asexuality when you started identifying as bisexual.Many people simply spend years not knowing that identifying as asexual or aromantic is an option.Furthermore,you might want to ask yourself if societal pressure to be in a romantic/sexual relationship might be influencing your emotions in any way and what impact it had in the past.As for being depressed,it doesn't invalidate your identity whatsoever.You know yourself best Sometimes it helps to be brutally honest with yourself about your feelings,without judging yourself or being concerned with what others might think.Easier said than done of course. As for having a similar experience- yes and no.I spent quite a number of years not knowing that being aromantic/arospec or asexual was an option.Societal pressure also made me try to convince myself that I was interested in romance and sex when I really wasn't. I'm not sure if you find any of that information helpful though.The only advice I can give you is to be as honest with yourself as possible while remembering to be kind to yourself as well.
  10. Welcome! Best of luck with the discovery process
  11. Last week
  12. I think I've heard of dragons being either aro or ace symbols?
  13. Hello! This might be somewhat of a controversial topic but before I go into it, I want ro make it clear I do not think aromanticisim is a mental illness in any way. I don’t think any sexuality is. And in my case, I don’t even think I can talk about an identity but more like an experience. I’m 17 and identified as bisexual since I was about 13. I was a really horny early teen but at the same time I never really has crushes, fictional or real. I based my lavel on the fact that I didn’t have a fixed interest in boys (I’m a girl), so that for me meant a kind of “I don’t care about them specifically, therefore I can do anybody”. A few years have passed and two thingshave happened: I became depressed and I got a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 5 months now but the whole time I haven’t been really invested in the relationship. I do care about him deeply, we were best friends before we got together but he’s definitely more passionate about the “being together” than I am. We do kiss and cuddle and gold hands but I don’t vare for it much and mostly do it bc he wants to and sometimes I even get a bit uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and he is super supportive and understanding but I still feel bad for not meeting his expectations. I also don’t want to do anything sexual with him, I physically freeze when he asks me to touch him but am still ok when he does it to me because again, I want him to get something out of hanging out with me. And I’m also not interested in anybody else, only in making and having good friends because I feel happiest being around a bunch of good people and not someone in particular. But I know I used to want a relationship and desire romantic and sexual contact when I was younger. So does anybody else have similar experiences of their sexuality and romanticism changing along with their mental health and can I even tie it to my identity?
  14. Squish and QPR’s are unrelated. It’d just be nice if your QPP was also your squish. So yes it can definitely be with someone else. Some people do say they have desires towards specific people to be in a platonic partnership with them but it doesn’t make the person their squish. Having a squish also doesn’t mean you desire to pursue a platonic partnership with them
  15. Thanks for all your answers! Good idea, I thought the subject is more commonly discussed but I'll add it. @Jot-Aro Kujo interesting point of view. I like also the idea of letting relations evolve normally. I remember a discussion with someone about romantic relationship, it was more about cultural differences but it was me not understanding coded things in the escalator (mainly the "I am in love" thing, and the need to categorize with words the relationship). For me relationship evolve naturally, and I don't think that wording is that important to make things official. Ok, but when you want a QPR, is it always with your squish, or can it be with someone else?
  16. Alright so I'm new to this forum and all the related stuff. I've always felt that I feel emotions different but could never really pinpoint what exactly and would just keep them to myself. Since I have no one else to ask about this I might as well list down some experiences and thoughts, see if anyone can help me figure all this out. Male and straight btw. - As a kid, roughly 6 years old, one of my best friends was a girl. I was always teased by my parents about this with them claiming she as my girlfriend. I was always repulsed by this idea but couldn't really explain why. Maybe I just hated people making assumptions. - I switched schools around the time I was 12, leaving behind the friends I had. Leading me to feel lonely and isolated seeing how close everyone else was with each other. This was also around the time I started being interested in girls, so naturally I developed a 'crush' on one of my old friends. I wasn't really interested in her before, but not seeing her regularly made me desire to be with her I guess. These crushes would happen again a few times, usually also involving 'friends' who I would stop interacting with on a regular basis. This didn't happen with every girl I found attractive, more with the ones who have treated me as a friend so to speak. My thoughts and fantasies about them would also generally lack sexual desires. - Now recently after coming across the term aromantic, I've started thinking back at all this, trying to pick out clues if I fit into the spectrum. All the 'crushes' I had might have all been 'squishes' with a bit of sexual attraction squeezed in, probably exaggerated by my feelings of isolation. It certainly doesn't help that I usually 'think more than feel' emotions (Schizoid personality? Don't quote me on that). Then if I imagine myself in future relationships, I always wanted one where there is a natural progression from friend, to best friend then lovers, kind of like in the Sims I guess. The boundary between best friends and lovers just seem so blurred for me. There are times when I think that I can empathize with emotions of fictional characters better than my own feelings, especially regarding video games like Life Is Strange or VA 11 Hall-A. Incidentally both those games feature relationships that kinda progress from friends to lovers. In the end, I still feel lonely and desire intimacy, but I don't know what kind of relationship I would be comfortable with. Maybe what I want most is a 'best friend with benefits' ? I just want to make some sense of it all.
  17. If someone want a song in French for a change, there is Je serai (ta meilleure amie) from Lorie (translation : I will be (your best friend)). This singer is suppose to be for kids and I won't deny it, but this song still celebrates friendship. She says to her n'est friend that she'll always be there for her.
  18. Similarly, I think that Monogamy is not human nature, but cultural. So this situation is hopeful to change! Monogamy... I mean amatonormativity or the tendency about binary relationship.
  19. Although I knew, it is still difficult for me to understand (or actually, accept) people's tendency about binary relationship. Perhaps in my region, this is also related to the tendency of Jealous and Competition. Sometimes people should tend to cooperate, but they are more inclined to compete, even tend to Sorting out (Is this word appropriate?) their friends, to choose the best one. The tendency to sort is terrible. When people start jealousy with each other, friendliness becomes a distant dream. In addition, I don't think that human nature is competition rather than cooperation. This is more influenced by acquired culture and social atmosphere. In this society, perhaps in my region, the culture of competition is prevalent – so that partners or friendly relationships are treated as trophies that need to be competitive – and they are always competing to keep the binary relationship from breaking. On the contrary, the culture of cooperation, the culture of friendliness and group relationship is indeed scarce; although this may make more people happy, and make people more likely to get happiness. Inappropriately, I even think Amatonormativity is another kind of Selfishness... Sometimes, I even like to chat with only one person, because many people around me don't have a group atmosphere for chatting together. But I still prefer to chat in the group. I'm really glad to learn about your situation. And this is also a great encouragement to me for learning that my group relationship is not a special case!
  20. I completely agree! Group relationships are a massively important part of my life, and I think it's helpful to lay out the distinction between binary and group relationships in this way. I spend a lot of effort actively maintaining connections to groups, and while I've never had a binary relationship I'm certainly not alone or lonely.
  21. Actually, what were the less extreme ones?? I think having the full scope of what people identify as crushes would be helpful
  22. Soulmate by Lizzo! Not my usual taste in music at all but the lyrics are great, you gotta check it out. Self-love with a side of feminism 👌
  23. yeah, platonic/queerplatonic is a squish. personally, when i have a squish + sexual attraction i call it an aro crush. 😄 i randomly said it once and just stuck with it. if it's just sexual attraction i don't call it anything, i just say he's hot or whatever. i believe 'crush' is usually romantic + sexual but could also be just romantic (like allo aces would use it, right?), but you can use whatever words you like.
  24. I've watched this movie as a kid and thought nothing of the romance stuff. Your comment makes me wonder, though, does this movie make people think it's ok to force romance onto another?
  25. Bumping this thread because I still don't know of anywhere anybody's put together anything like this. @sennkestra In the mean time, here are the things I know so far: 200[?] -- the word "aromantic" used on Haven for the Human Amoeba 2006 -- the word "aromantic" used on the AVEN forums 2011? -- National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility founded, now defunct First flag proposal (green/yellow/orange/black ) 2012 -- "amatonormativity" coined by professor Elizabeth Brake 2014 -- Aromantic Awareness Week suggested on Tumblr (since renamed Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) 2014 -- Second flag proposal (green/green/yellow/gray/black) and Third flag proposal (green/green/white/gray/black) 2016-ish? -- Arocalypse created (@Blue Phoenix Ace can you confirm?) 2017 -- Aromantics Wiki was created 2018 -- aromantic and other romantic orientations added to the Oxford English Dictionary 2019 -- Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy was created See also my timelines on QPR & related concepts (like "squish") and wtf/quoiromanticism. I get the sense that there would also be an interest in this over on aro tumblr. Anyway, somebody else take over for me here.
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