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  1. Today
  2. I don't see anything in what you say that describes a crush or even a squish. Your nervousness seems to be cause by B, who deny your feelings and your identity (which would be stressful for everybody). But you didn't describe here any particular feeling that sounds like a crush or a squish. As you say yourself, you have no desire to date A. As @Jot-Aro says, B should not force feelings into other people. Maybe you should have a conversation about how shipping leads to wrongly interpretate things (at least I saw a lot if people, talking about fictional ships who aren't canon, seeing things that weren't there at all just because they ship characters, like SwanQueen in OUAT or SnowBarry in the Flash; they were sure their ship were gong to become a reality even if it was obvious the writers decided something else; I suppose it works the same with irl ships). So really, you should talk with B about how it is a rude mistake to think he (or she or they? Don't remember) know your feelings better than yourself.
  3. Yesterday
  4. It sounds like even you don’t think it could really be a crush. I don’t see why it would be. I think your other friend needs to learn to mind her own business and not try to dictate other people’s feelings for them.
  5. Speaking from one set of experience: You are clearly overthinking it. Unfortunately, also speaking from experience: knowing that you're overthinking it doesn't actually help solve the problem... I don't know how to answer your actual question, because I don't really know what any of these things really MEAN... I guess it comes down to : What do you want to DO with A? Hang out with a group of friends? probably not a crush.... Again, speaking for me, I often say "How do you know I'm overanalyzing? I'm breathing." So take all of this for whatever worth you find in it... B-/ Sorry to not be more help.
  6. THIS IS VERY LONG, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:I've considered myself Ace/Aro for a while now,but October 9th has left me confused and nervous.I have two friends that I have.One I've had for a few years and the other who we hung out as friendly acquaintances last year, who became someone who joined our group at the very end of the year.I think she is a nice person, but that's it.We hang around a bit and talk but not 24/7, I'll call her A and the former B.Because A is someone I don't know much about and is a nice person, I have curiosity and want to know her a little better and talk about her a bit.B ships us(yes our school has a moderate problem with that,B was actually a victim last year, but actually ended up having feelings for the person she was somewhat forced to date and got stuck in a love triangle)Now, some background on me when someone asks me if I have a crush:I have a tendency to overthink (which can get a bit obsessive) and it has been getting worse as I have gotten older,so when something that makes me question something I have felt right with for so long,I can overthink about the person/thing for long periods,I get very nervous when someone asks me if I have a crush,but I get nervous from them not believing me when I tell the truth and that it is an embarrassing question, not because I have a crush I don't want people to know about,so the nervousness can cause a nervous stomach,blushing, and increased heartbeat.I'm oblivious to flirting, can appreciate romance if written well, or be happy for a couple, but not want it myself.So B says that there is something going between A and me, which I immediately deny, and my nervousness starts to manifest itself.She says that I talk about her alot, which I don't believe as B has overexragated things before and is the only one who points this out.So she starts naming our friends and says that I gave A "different look" in my eyes which using the nervousness I feel above, would make sense as if your naming off people of course I'm going to have a different reaction.I continue to say no, she says that I am clinging onto my Ace/Aro labels because I don't want accept change and use me being a trans male to say it makes things harder.I don't believe her and this is where everything is now.So I have started feeling nervous around A after that but only after what B said before then I felt normal.So I think about A alot and it is stressing me out, anything I think of her is platonic and I have no desire to date her, I don't find her attractive at all physically.Any thoughts that are romantic are me being disgusted and for what I can tell intrusive.Quizzes say me having a crush is in the negatory or that it is a squish.I will look around for her out of paranoia and I believe I feel weird due to either consciously or subconsciously remembering the situation and/or seeing B around as it is something I do.It wouldn't make much sense for me to immediately develop a crush after what B said and the thoughts have been getting less and less.I still feel Ace/Aro and am not comfortable with anything I see as romantic.Am I having a crush or obsessively overthinking?
  7. Care 100% Loyalty 50% Fairness 83% Authority 67% Purity 72% Liberty 42% ok then I guess I'm extremely caring huh My morality is closest to a Left-Liberal my Care stat is through the roof but my Liberty stat is low making my life a constant state of needing to help and not wanting to help
  8. Sunday 10th November 2019 2pm Sugar and Dice Board Game Cafe in Liverpool. Please RSVP by end of October for booking numbers. Any problems on the day 07594607252. Note: Next Liverpool A-Spec Social Tuesday 29th October 7pm Egg Cafe, Liverpool.
  9. Last week
  10. Absolutely. I've seen this done many times. Sometimes people will simplify to one or the other depending on the context (e.g., demisensual, homosensual), but the full story, all the microlabels, I've also seen written out when someone wants to be very specific.
  11. I'm not sure. I think it's a bit complicated. Romance as a concept is rather new (in the past few centuries), and all it does is put a name to a specific kind of intimacy. Something being romantic isn't necessarily amatonormative, since "romantic" just categorizes a type of intimacy. Amatonormativity is about normalizing the idea that everyone feels this attraction in one specific way and must seek out a romantic partner to be valid/healthy. Calling certain relationships "romantic" I think was a way for people who use and understand the term as it is usually defined by society to make sense of intimacy. For them, certain types of intimacy were in the "romantic" box, because that's how they and society categorized and labelled that intimacy. A great modern and personal example of this is the relationship I'm currently in. To me, it's alterous, sometimes platonic, but to my accomplice it often feels traditionally romantic, and probably looks that way at times to others. I categorize certain intimate things differently and it doesn't bother me that my accomplice also categorizes differently. We both know each other's feelings and respect each other's definitions. Where calling friendships "romantic" does become amatonormative is when people are very insistent. Like, "this cannot be just a friendship! It must be something more!" That playing into relationship hierarchies can often trigger amatonormativity, because people can then say "at least X has a romantic friendship with Y so they're basically romantic and romance is something everyone wants, so they're getting it via friendship" or "finally X has a romantic-ish partner; thank God they're normal like the rest of us." It's a subtle difference and it's often all in the tone. I'm not sure that inherently labelling something "romantic" would count as amatonormative, but that's maybe a separate point. Most things! I consider very few things romantic, because I define romantic as a specific kind of performative and hierarchical thing. Things like gift-giving, PDA (public displays of affection), celebrating milestone anniversaries, and generally elevating a romantic partner over every other person in one's life (prioritizing them as the "most important person") are things I consider romantic. Especially if these things are done when in the presence of other non-participants, as if forgetting the non-participants are there (e.g., I've heard some people call this being lovestruck or seeing a person surrounded in a kind of light that erases everyone else around them). Some physical gestures, like kissing (which people often put in the romantic category) are platonic to me until they become very prolonged and backed by a specific intention or feeling. It really is about the intention, the feeling, and end-goals for me. However, what I think society defines as platonic is a different question. It's also complicated, because depending on your community, the answers may be different. Generally, I've seen platonic things be defined by not being too deep or prolonged. For example, a platonic hug would be going in for a squeeze, maybe holding it for a while. A more 'romantic' hug would be going in for a squeeze, maybe holding it for a while, and also adding something like gently caressing. There's a level of gentleness and vulnerability that society seems to reserve only for romantic gestures. Absolutely you can identify as sapphic and aroace at the same time! You can say oriented or angled aroace if you'd like, as @nonmerci described, since describing orientations that are not romantic or sexual attractions is the point of those terms. Or you can just say sapphic aroace, or sapphic and aroace. Personally, I don't use "oriented aroace" or "angled aroace" and just say I'm bialterous (just like someone could say bisexual). I throw the bi- modifier onto the type of attraction I feel. Sapphic as a term seems to be valid to use for any kind of attraction, since it's not a modifier like bi-. It's a standalone concept. All that to say I believe it's fine.
  12. XNTX: 100% N, 100% T, exactly 50/50 on the other two...
  13. Hell, I'd be glad if I could express feelings, but that's another topic entirely 🙃
  14. From reading a book called, "Was That Really Me?" by Naomi L. Quenk, I'm torn between INTP and ISTP
  15. I barely self-teach myself to play guitar (this instrument is bigger than me and making me re-consider getting a smaller size or just settle for a ukulele). I'm still interested in learning to play instruments that specifically have strings (not sure why but yeah) and piano since I have pretty small hands. The only main problem is that I play a few music notes for fun instead of making efficient practice.
  16. Your scores: Care 69% Fairness 67% Purity 56% Loyalty 42% Authority 44% Liberty 58% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is closest to that of a Left-Liberal. Not sure how accurate this test is since some of the statements either don't provide enough details or doesn't expose the motive of the person/situation. Maybe they'll make it more consistent in the future? Idk some of these pretty weird and makes me feel judgemental for trying to decide sometimes.
  17. Yeah, I was just thinking the same when going through these questions because I can't help but question what info is missing and the "what-ifs". I left a couple of middle neutral picks because of this instead of an "OK" and "Not OK".
  18. Other than the future, I would probably mess around in the 80's and 90's so I won't stand out too much.
  19. I think you get an upgrade at 25 posts. Enjoy!
  20. I guess I'm never anxious about other people's responses to me expressed feelings... I'm not sure what that says about me...
  21. I think it really depends on the person. For me, emotional vulnerability is mostly about expressing feelings even when I'm anxious about other people's response to them. Some people might only be willing to do that with a romantic partner, but other people might do it with friends, family, counselors, etc. So I think whether or not emotional vulnerability is romantic is really dependent on the context and the person.
  22. I’m always emotionally vulnerable babeyyy!!!! I have ADHD and everything hurts ✌️ Yeet
  23. I haven't seen a FAQ about internal site stuff like this... and it's not like it actually matters, I'm just curious what distinguishes "newbie" from "Member" from "advanced member" or whatever?
  24. I thought I'd share this "poem" I wrote inspired by my latest squish. I say "poem" because I'm more interested in the therapeutic aspects of creative arts than the rules and regs. I haven't yet given it a name, or I might leave it untitled on purpose due to socety's sidelining of close friendships: Are we all friendship-starved? In a romance obsessed society that puts emphasis on the item as an independent one, where has the best friend gone, or the childhood-mates once so close? Have we grown up from friendships to adult relationships? If that is the case I’d rather not grow up! “Romance” with my “other half” all from a double-attraction stance that stands as the sole criteria for love, companionship, connection, life… but in its shadow is its loneliness of separated, isolated independence, a heart’s dark, unspoken sickness, that when I get one moment of friendship I realise how seriously starved I am.
  25. Absolutely, thank you! Even if someone is aro today and in love tomorrow it wouldn't make their before felt "aroness" and the way they experienced the world insignificant all of a sudden. Then every feeling or view would be meaningless at some point and it wouldn't count exclusively for people who don't fit a certain norm at a given time. People who say "it's just a phase" seem afraid their (cast in stone) worldview could fall apart or they can't handle when someone feels a different way, which is rather sad. The person who feels this way could learn A LOT if they questioned why they have a problem with someone feeling a different way when it comes to topics like e.g. aromanticism. But if everyone would think so construtctive and self-reflective, we would live in a different society anyway. People would take aromanticism and other orienations more serious from the beginning or rather...everyone would be accepted the way they are. Which would be wonderful and better than trying to argue someone out of their emotions.
  26. I think emotional vulnerability is a concept which is exclusive to romantic relationships. Although there doesn't seem a clear cut definiton, "emotional vulnerability" seems to mean the action of telling someone things he or she could use against you thereby showing your trust that they wont do that. This can be in the context of a romantic relationship as well as a friendship. But I think it is used in a romantic context more often as being emotionally vulnerable seems to be in the "core package" of a romantic relationships whereas it seems to be an "add-on" to friendships. At the same time, as far as I understand, being in love can seriously cloud your judgement about somebody while at the same time making you more vulnerable to somebody being an asshole. This, together with being forced into telling things about you due to conventions etc. might lead to more damage being done in romantic relationships than friendships, generating more awareness for emotional vulnerability in romantic relationships.
  27. This came out of another thread. I'm trying to figure out if I'm conflating two different things, or they're actually related. (So the answer of "no it's not a romantic concept" is totally plausible) I have never understood the concept of "emotional vulnerability" because I never felt that there was any possibility of me coming to harm. "vulnerable" means (to me at least) that there's some risk, or danger. I'm not closed off. I'll pretty much tell anyone anything, if they care. But I have never felt "emotionally vulnerable" because I can't imagine the danger... Pretty much I imagine it like, if I share something, a person is either going to be an asshole about it, or not. I trust my own judgement that the people I share with aren't going to be assholes. But if I'm wrong, I trust my ability to cut them off... But like, with a romantic partner, why would I want to be in a Relationship with someone I didn't trust to not be an asshole? OBVIOUSLY many people are, and people are in, and remain in abusive relationships. But I have never experienced that, so believe that I would be able to avoid it (I may be wrong, but since I'm aro, I'll probably never find out) So, is this related to aro? or is this just me being a 100% NT on the Meyer's Briggs? Correlations? Causations? Anything?
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