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  1. Today
  2. Sorry I should have been more clear there. What I meant was that the therapist should recongnize that they are the ones who need to broaden their understanding, and if the patient makes it clear that the therapist’s opinion is a real issue, than the therapist should make an effort to change. I only approached it from this angle because they mentioned that they’ve seen this therapist for quite some time and so dropping her might not be the preferable option. But yeah if the therapist refuses to budge, than obviously choosing not to see them anymore is very understandable. I just wanted to explain how a good therapist should respond.
  3. Here's some more links on how people have used the term queerplatonic. Hmm, that's... a questionable response, yeah. A lot of people don't need to "try it" before they figure out sex is for them, so I don't know where so many people are getting that idea (it's something that gets directed at asexuals a lot). If I were in your shoes and considering bringing it up to her, I might try some trial balloon questions first, just to get a sense of what kind of reaction to expect. It shouldn't? ...I mean, not that it necessarily should be, but I wouldn't tell anybody they did something wrong if they called it quits after that. Getting a response like that can be a pretty heavy blow, and for a lot of people, being able to trust their therapist is pretty important to making sure therapy is at all productive or worthwhile. So it's understandable that for some people that could be a breaking point.
  4. I guess I did the quote tree wrong, because that comment was directed more at Angel than at you. Oh well. Still, re: can you categorized those two as distinct things, in media, unless it is named? ...Eh. I don't think I'd want people to try. A possible alternative that I think would work better: if someone did make a list, there could be an asterisk-type symbol to denote if a character also has an explicitly-stated sexual orientation, if a character is involved with/pursues sexual relationships, if a character self-describes as "aro" specifically vs. just strongly implied, etc. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think there'd be so many entries as to warrant a set of completely separate lists. Or maybe there would be, but it would easier to... build up to that. ...We are talking mostly fictional storytelling here, right?
  5. I'll be 25 on Monday. It's interesting to see most of people here are still in High school.
  6. I don't have experience either, but this post made me think of a thing: in most cultures, throughout human history, children were raised by their extended family and community as well as their parents. The idea of a nuclear family, with a mom and a dad who are in a romantic relationship and raise the children, is a relatively new idea. If you're asking if you can raise a child in a non-traditional family, most of human history will tell you: yes. Wish I had actual info to give you, though 😂. Hope you find the tips and support you need to raise your kid(s)! 💚
  7. Oh, I hear ya! Especially what you said about not registering the romantic subtext. I can be pretty uh, enthusiastic, with my love for my friends, and I love getting to know new people on a deeper level and helping them feel good about themselves. So I guess all that can mislead some folks... but I don’t think you or I are really to blame for those incidents. You just wanted something different out of that relationship than he did. It’s not your fault he assumed you were interested in him romantically. Stuff like that can happen to alloromantic people too, I think, because unrequited love happens all the time. People with crushes are the real blind ones; they only see what they want to see because they want the relationship to happen so bad. And I don’t think you can really equip yourself with a set of signs that your friends might have a crush on you. Everyone handles things differently. Believe me, I know the paranoia because I lost a friend to this kind of situation once. With most of my friends, I don’t have to worry because they either aren’t attracted to men or are already in relationships. But recently I made a new friend who is bi, single, and seemed to taking a special interest in me. At least, that was what I was afraid of because it was giving me deja vu with the afore mentioned friend that I lost. I could feel the paranoia I was getting was creating a lot of anxiety for me and was making me want to distance myself from her. So to do away with that awful feeling, I just decided to come out to her via text shortly after we exchanged numbers and went home. And in this case at least, things worked out totally fine! We still get together often, and I really appreciate her as a friend who is also super enthusiastic and loves to hang out with people one-on-one. And she’s like that with everyone, really; it’s not just that she’s lying to me about her feelings for my sake. So what I’m trying to say is it’s better if you can find a way to be more generally open and casual about your orientation. I know I used to think it was something really private that only I needed to deal with, but being able to come out to people regularly, as awkward and scary as it may seem, is definitely better than being paranoid or creating a misunderstanding. At least then you know whatever happens on their end, you won’t feel guilty about it.
  8. true they might do, i mean i have a few i said i was questioning it to a while ago and they still seemed supportive of me, may come out to them when the time is right but it is very disheartening with the dismissing of it quickly
  9. Sorry to interject, but I have a little bit of experience with this. (please don't let this scare you, but I think it's worth being prepared) My therapist flat out assumed I was gay for whatever reason, and when I said "I'm not really attracted to anyone," he was all "Don't worry! One day you'll see an attractive young man walking down the street and you'll just know!" I'm not seeing this therapist anymore for a variety of other reasons, but anyway, just in case you encounter a similar opposition, I want you to know that this should not be the breaking point of your relationship to your therapists. Therapists are supposed to adapt to the individual needs of each of their patients, and especially to inform themselves about new subjects they do not have a personal understanding of. She's probably trained to recognize a disinterest in relationships/sex as a possible side effect of things like depression or trauma, and so she's just encouraging you to grow. When my therapist did this to me, I just brushed it off because I thought we had more important things to talk about, but ultimately it damaged my trust in him to leave it unresolved. To help bridge the gap, I would try to explain how the labels of asexual and (possibly) aromantic help you navigate your life and get in touch with your feelings. Good luck!
  10. An incredibly sensitive sink faucet that only gives mildly lukewarm water when turned 43° to the right, and then 38° to the left. Any other attempts will produce ice cold water.
  11. There's this distinct and utter panic I feel every time I'm asked out on a date by someone I thought was just a friend. I think I wouldn't have such a hard time turning them down if they were just a stranger, but with friends I often feel almost betrayed (?) when I'm asked out. I'm not out to many of my friends, just my closest ones, and they're all people that are a) already taken, or b) gay guys and heteroromantic girls (I'm a cis female). For example, I recently reconnected with one of my friends from elementary school, and we immediately hit it off. I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, what an awesome guy. I really hope this friendship works out." Eventually, about a couple months later we arranged a meet up to go out to the movies, and I honestly didn't think about the romantic implications of it all. So when he asked me out a couple of days later, I was completely blindsided. I panicked for hours, analyzing our every interaction for the supposed romantic subtext I missed. There was this like sinking feeling in my gut, because when I eventually rejected him a day later, he accused me of leading him on and I felt like such a jerk. It made me feel like I should be analyzing everything I do with all of my alloromantic friends just to make sure I'm not hurting anyone, which is something I never want to do. Does that make sense? Is this even something that's really specific to aros? This has happened so many times now that I feel like I really should be looking for this stuff, but it never occurs to me to look at my interactions with people I firmly consider platonic friends (and ONLY platonic friends) and analyze them for potential unwanted romantic feelings.
  12. Hmm... that is an interesting point. But my impression was that people think 'playing hard to get' is attractive because it's enticing, like foreplay or something idk. Or like a challenge to beat the odds? With me it's more like this: I've been in plenty of scenarios where a potential romantic relationship was brewing, but the fact that how they felt about me was so different from how I felt about them turned me all the way off. I think what's 'attractive' to me about someone who's arospec is that theoretically, they'd be more understanding of my greyaro ways whereas an alloromantic person would just think I was being fickle or losing interest, or at least they would find it confusing. I should probably clarify that what I consider an ideal 'romantic' relationship still leans much closer to a QPR. I /love/ the idea of getting to become really close friends with someone else who's arospec and then discovering together what (if anything) beyond that is worth exploring romantically. You might say I've been doing some big thinks, and it seems to me that that's the only situation that would make me feel comfortable. So I guess that's what I mean by 'being attracted to the idea that someone isn't attracted to me.' What was making me feel weird about the whole thing was, like I said, it seems disrespectful to want to pursue a not-so platonic relationship with someone who might feel totally repulsed if they knew what I was thinking. I know from experience how awful that can feel. I guess it all just depends on what their mindset is toward me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  13. I'm Vietnamese! My dad is pretty conservative, and he used to be very uptight and strict about not dating until after college when I was younger. I feel like I should have felt restricted, but I honestly didn't want to date at all. I chalked it up to just being too young to want that kind of stuff. I figured that when I became older, maybe I'd be more rebellious and sneaky and want to date? I guess? When I did get older, though, he became significantly more lax, which honestly threw me for a 180. At that point, like you, it made me start to wonder what exactly was holding me back, since he wasn't anymore. All of my friends began to experiment and date and I just. Didn't want to, I guess. When my friend came out as ace, I started looking into ace resources and forums and found out about aromanticism.
  14. gah! I think I know what I want to say but it is so hard sorting it all out and finding the best place to start it
  15. I do find some things about romantic relationships odd, and I think the reason seeing those sorts of comments is so common is because generally online in a-spec spaces are the only places where we can vent or question without being shamed or harassed....sooo these places are totally biased towards complainers That is pretty common. Instances in reallife are not in statistics but seeing it's commonality in media lots of people buy into it as either an ideal fantasy or something they can relate to. It is troped as 'playing hard to get' and is basically the plot of all those Bad-Boy YA books, not to mention quite a lot of adult romance fiction, so you may think it is strange but it is not uncommon.
  16. So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? This seems overly reliant on the idea that all aros are either aro allo or aro ace. Some aros aren't. I said what I said because I don't think you can actually categorise those two as distinct things in media unless there is named representation. I would be happy to be proved wrong but for now it doesn't seem to apply anyway because it couldn't be done.
  17. I know it is discouraging when people react in a way that hurts but I would encourage you to come out to some of the other people you feel comfortable coming out to, especially if they are in a separate friend group than the friend you mentioned. Of course be safe and only come out when you are comfortable but other friends may surprise you with good reactions and restore your faith in humanity.
  18. I love oolong! Oolong and Jasmine are pretty much the only camellia sinensis tea I drink (though if I can get my hands on my mother's expensive white tea I do drink that too, I forget the name but it is amazingly creamy on the tongue) I have a range of other infusions and 'teas' that I drink because oolong isn't for all occasions (either herbs or rooibos) The oolong I am right into now is the Shui Hsien/Shui Xian/Narcissus which was presented to me by a tea matcher because I used to live near a fancy fancy Chinese tea shop.
  19. Yesterday
  20. Neato! I can’t say I’ve ever experienced the fictional character thing, but I appreciate the similarity there with me being kinda attracted to someone who is also arospec. My nearest guess as to the reason (not that there has to be a ‘reason’ for being lithromantic) I go back on my feelings so easily is that I realize they don’t want the same things I want, and if we tried to be in some kind of relationship, I’d be left floundering trying to keep up with their drastically different level of attraction and romantic needs. So I guess the appeal of someone similar to me is that the chances of it being more balanced are much better. And same goes for fictional characters, too. They will never show themselves to be interested in you in ways that make you uncomfortable, so I totally get it! Thanks for the perspective, I think it helped me feel less weird about finding a lack of attraction attractive lol
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