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  2. NotHeartless

    bojack horseman

    Yes, I've seen it. Love the series. Not only because of their great representation, though that's a huge plus. Because the creators proved they know how representation is done right. Not over the top or in a weird way. It feels authentic and I was impressed as they even mentioned aromantic too. It's one of my favorite Netflix series to this date (and I bet it'll stay this way).
  3. Alright...can't talk for everyone on here and I've been not a part of this community for a long time yet. But you're welcome here. Be who you are. I accept your identity absolutely and don't have these twisted views on (other) transgender, be it MtF or FtM. Or on people who aren't asexual. So, welcome to the forums .
  4. Today
  5. One thing I noticed, is that most people who are sensitive, shy, weird, smart, nerdy, metal lovers, introverts, or autistic, are usually asexual and very "profound and deep". For some reason, while I am neurodiversually distant, and gifted, I happen to be a "Stacy" in my talks sometimes, which to me kinda cancels out the whole point of being weird. During times where I don't want much sex, I act like a person who has difficulties socializing. But when I start my sexy talk, it goes like "Heyy wanna see my super gifted brain". It seems like as if having a sexual advantage nullifies being a person with no friends and no appreciation as a human. On the flip side of this, I get a lot of "smartness fetishists" who seem to treat me like a calculator sex toy. I don't blame them, because they usually don't see it. But I see. I am super good at calculating people and what is about to happen, so I get annoyed at society easily and become an outcast because it is too boring.
  6. mythlady

    Does aromanticism affect appearance?

    I've never really cared about my looks, I've been that way for most of my life (and long before I started questioning).
  7. Exactly. A lot of the self-proclaimed "intersectional feminists" sound like TERFs, but only towards trans females. They love trans boys and how they wear binders and how they are masc as hell and so smol. The radfems haven't directly called me a sexual abuser, I just feel about myself that way because childhood guardians called me a bad person a lot. But people treat sexual harassment and rape with such caution I naturally started getting afraid of who will I become. Based on how nicely and with cake they treat AFAB people and romantic asexuals, I figured out that there is no place for opposites in their community.
  8. Oh don't even say. This is partially how I got sucked into alt-right conservatism. Since I am transfeminine, and "sex machine" as I said on myself, the left and the feminists don't really like me. So I decided to band with the right because even though the right hates me also, hating left together would be more powerful. Eventually I gave up on politics.
  9. Holding hands for some reason makes me very uncomfortable. Hugging is great and I enjoy it, but I don't like to cuddle unless I know the person really really well. There are maybe 2 people in the world that I feel comfortable cuddling with and even then its more of sitting close together than actually like, holding each other. I've never kissed or been kissed but the thought of doing so just makes me vaguely uncomfortable.
  10. Mark

    Is amatonormativity a product of capitalism?

    Something to consider here is that arranged marriages still exist. Including places such as the Indian sub continent. Note that "someone you liked-ish that your parents also approved of" can fit the definition of "arranged marriage". I'm not sure that even within Britain, Europe, USA and Australasia romantic marriages were that common until the 20th century. With there being being a forced arranged marriage of Prince Charles in 1981. Something which also needs an explanation is the way in which marriage suddenly became very popular after the second world war, then declined again over the next 60 or so years. Even more oddly is that as marriage rates have been falling the hyping of marriage within popular culture has been increasing.
  11. It's possible for "normal" to describe something which is how the majority do things. With "normative" there's the expectation that everyone will do things that way. Coercion, of some kind or other, is invariably where this is the case. Ironically the type of relationship promoted by amantonormativity may not even be "normal" in terms of what people would do given a free choice.
  12. Cristal Gris

    Harmful Romance Movie Tropes

    I don't kow if this is a trope, but... when a character reject someone's advance, it's their fault. Or they're the bad one because they're not in love. And then they redeem themself by dating. I hate it
  13. NotHeartless

    Hi!

    Welcome from me too. Hope you'll have a great time with everyone .
  14. NotHeartless

    Harmful Romance Movie Tropes

    About (romantic) Anime tropes: I despise the Tsundere archetype with a passion. When a girl (in rarer cases it's a male) hits/insults/harasses you she actually likes you and is only too embarrassed/shy to tell. Yeah, being abused is very romantic. Worst part is some poor protagonist often ends up with that kind of person and people be all like "aww, they are a cute/great couple!" Don't know if it's an actual trope but adding to what @Apathetic Echidna wrote: Let's say character A is in love with character B. Character B never shows interest in character A (romantically or generally) or even openly states they don't like them/ it shows they are annoyed by them. Some stuff happens, Character A may confess feelings. BOOM they are together. What? How? Why? They had no chemistry at all? Why did Character B suddenly fall for A when they clearly had no interest at all??? It gives off that vibe of You just need to try long / hard enough they will give in eventually! Maybe that is just really bad writing but I've seen it several times now. I'm kinda nauseated by it.
  15. NotHeartless

    Is amatonormativity a product of capitalism?

    Talking 'bout Commercialization of love. Wikipedia isn't a reliable source for scientific well founded articles, take it with a grain of salt, but I have found it interesting nonetheless. I'm thinking about getting her book, haha. When it comes to weddings the first think I always thought wasn't how "romantic and beautiful" it is but how much money they probably going to throw out of the window because of it (unless one decides to keep it very minimalistic). It's their money and their event but from my outside perspective I can't shake the impression of oddity.
  16. bananaslug

    Is amatonormativity a product of capitalism?

    I think this is a good point! I would also like to point out that up until about 150 years ago you didn't really get married for love, you either had an arranged marriage, you found someone you liked-ish that your parents also approved of, or you married the first guy that got you pregnant (sexual purity culture is actually a fairly new thing). The focus on marriage for romantic love only got popular during the Victorian era (1837-1901), which was notably also right around the time the industrial revolution started to taper off (1820-1840) and capitalism as we know it today started to really take hold. Correlation of course doesn't equal causation, but I would be shocked if industrilzation and the advent of modern capitalism didn't have any influence on our modern view of romance, just based on how close together they are on a timeline.
  17. Jot-Aro Kujo

    Is amatonormativity a product of capitalism?

    Yeah probably tbh. After all, Valentine's Day sure is, and how would they made their money if nobody cared so much about romance? 🤔
  18. Basically a rant, but I think I have a point. Please comment! expand the general idea or specify a part of the idea I was reading this great topic and things stewed in my mind. If romance functions like a drug in our brain people will pay to get their fix. Look at the costs of weddings and the profit made on Valentine's Day. The piles of books and movies and tv shows. Weddings have always been about showing off, but now there is an entire industry built around diamond engagement rings and white dresses that are only worn once. Romance and stereotyped love is big business dealing with big bucks. Commercially it is not in their interest to support alternative weddings, but rather to make the most frivolous and expensive romantic gestures the normal, like 24 imported long stem red roses, engagement rings where bigger is better and designer dresses for the entire wedding party. The industry has no reason to value diversity and every reason to support amatonormativity ideals. Because they have the money they fund things to get more exposure which filters into society....then more people buy into the ideals and spend more money on it, giving them more power to get more exposure. The most insidious of these things are the reality tv shows. Unlike books or scripted media these shows are seen as being 'real' people in 'achievable' relationships, and possibly even role-models. The Bachelor(ette), Love Island, Married at First Sight, Real Housewives, Wife Swap, I know people who would watch these things on their lunch break to get their 'fix' to help them get through an afternoon of work. Generally the romance is overblown or the people involved are chosen to be provoking (but still in a relationship). I think when people say "sex sells" they also mean voyeuristic romance, because what really is The Bachelor except romance porn? yet it is acceptable to televise for family viewing.
  19. I'm not sure if I can continue claiming to be apathetic any more. I keep finding things making me angry and I am having to work at being easy going. Of course I'm not getting angry at the big stuff like rape culture and global warming, I'm getting angry at stupid questions people ask me and amatonormative comments in media from the 1990s. 

    1. Anything_but_allo

      Anything_but_allo

      Hey friend, it’s ok to feel this way. You can still be apethetix and be genuinely angry at others, especially when it is ongoing dumb things they have told you for gosh knows how long. It doesn’t define your personality. Just know I know exactly what you’re going through 

      *apathetic sorry

    2. Apathetic Echidna

      Apathetic Echidna

      lol, I like apathetix! like a blasé dominatrix

       

  20. Apathetic Echidna

    What is sold at an inconvenience store?

    A liquid ruler Light-globes made entirely from recycled cardboard A bean-bag coffee table
  21. Apathetic Echidna

    Giving yourself up for romance

    Sometimes when living with someone else is is just easier compromising on some stuff to make living together more pleasant, like a flatmate who doesn't like Zombies - just watch zombie things when they are not around*. That would have been my solution here especially if Doctor Who is something he shares with friends. Watching tv shows with friends is like having a mini movie night that still gives you time to do other stuff. So I guess I understand the 'sharing space' stuff, like not buying peanut butter if they have a severe allergy, following the rules of the person most fastidious about the bathroom*. But there is insidious stuff that goes into changing them as a person that I don't like (I think it's borderline abusive), like influencing them until they become vegan even at restaurants* or purposefully being so dramatic about their taste in music that they conform to what you like* or implying certain friends are 'bad influences' so you stop talking to them* or declaring that being a time poor couple that you should follow their religious routine so you can spend more time together*. The big stuff doesn't make sense to me, surely the children question should always be a deal-breaker? there might be some negotiation room depending on whether it is pregnancy or parenthood that is the issue, or child vs career balance. But no kids means no kids. *real examples that happened to my friends
  22. Apathetic Echidna

    Harmful Romance Movie Tropes

    Soooo....I caught an episode of Dawson's Creek on daytime tv. Yes I know daytime tv is known for playing vintage movies and low budget stuff so it is full of sexism, rascism and other shady stuff like badly acted telemovies. Anyway the two teenage male leads are having a conversation about the lead female on the show and they say something along the lines of: "You are wasting a lot of time and effort on a girl you're not dating" True the scene was one where they were meant to be needling each other to admit feelings but still I found it offensively toxic. Hetero boys and girls can't be friends because of romantic/sexual undertones. So of course why try? Don't have a best friend of the opposite gender, they are not worth it. Don't go out of your way for them. Don't be supportive. Don't do them favours. They will find another friend of a suitable gender (theirs), just as you will, no matter if you get along better with them than anyone else. There is no point investing anything being friend unless you will eventually marry them. Okay Dawson's Creek is over a decade old but it is still out there spreading or maintaining the tropes. I'm sure there are lots of other shows that are less blunt but have the same message. All I can say is thank goodness for Buffy and Harry Potter that gave us complex boy/girl friendships as good representation of friendship overcoming obstacles including gender and attraction potential.
  23. Apathetic Echidna

    A good friend

    lol, that is harsh. I think people you get along with are always worth it....or maybe just worth something. If they are really lackadaisical with keeping contact, but we do get along they will be a friend but just not a very close one. I always think being friendly is easier face to face because the conversation can flow to whatever is in the moment, text is stilted which makes it tricky.
  24. AutistAro

    A good friend

    😨 That reminds me of this tumblr post I made a year ago about how making new friends is what dating must be like. I think I was whining about something, but one of those new friends I had made replied with “If [the person you’re trying to be better friends with] doesn’t put in the same effort as you, they’re not worth it”. 😰 And...it made me think a lot about how I think about them all and worry about them. And I try to make conversation with them individually in private message, but a lot of times they don’t start a conversation. Like...maybe there’s isn’t much to talk about, but...isn’t that what starting a new friendship is like sometimes? Eh...I’m not as worried about them anymore. If they really don’t care about me, and only think of me as a casual friend, it’s ok. I’m very glad to have met them! Some people just don’t want to talk to me, and that’s ok. I’m like that, too with other people. 😓
  25. Apathetic Echidna

    Movie/TV Series Recommendations?

    I have been less tolerant of romance recently and that made me discover some things, most notably the movie Cellular ! it is an action movie from the 2000s with some marginal scenes of a married couple, but most of that is worry about keeping everyone alive. certainly no gushy romantic stuff
  26. Apathetic Echidna

    A book passage that knocks amatonormativity

    The section on how love is like cocaine just reminded me of Twilight where they refer to each other as a personal supply of heroin (or some other highly addictive substance). They are all literally love junkies. So if most people are love junkies, us aros who ship it but don't partake are like casual users? 😜 well at least not partaking means we won't be ruined in a messy divorce or dead a la Romeo
  27. Apathetic Echidna

    Aromantic Rings/Pride

    At least they use the colours of the good flag. For some reason I keep finding things made in the orange version of the flag.... those beads though look like harma beads to me, of which I have fond and horrible memories of. more horrible than fond....so I wouldn't go for it but green rings are tricky to find and if you wanted the flag it is a fair representation
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