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  1. Today
  2. Yeah, I reckon it's a uniquely human thing but some animals do form pair-bonds. And since most humans pair-bond with romantic partners, it looks like romantic attraction to a (non-aro) human.
  3. I like romance if well-written or if I ship the characters romantically, though I don't go crazy about it and won't miss it if there is no romance. Otherwise I'm more indifferent (contrary to sexual scènes that can repulse me sometimes, but I am ace too). Also, it can make me laugh a lot, bad written or not. Some things that people say in romantic situations are just so funny. Right now there are a lit of Christmas movies (which are just romantic movies that take place in december most of the time), and really they are hilarious (though they are not meant to be, but when there is nothing on tv that's a fun thing to laugh at). Anyway there is nothing wrong to enjoy romance just because characters are hot. I'm pretty sure post allos only enjoy romantic plot because they fantasize about it.
  4. I’m starting to think that my tendency to hide in a music practice room for 80% of my undergrad basically insulted me from the BS. Your story of the Spanish class does remind of me an awkward experience in back Business School though, as a brainstorming activity in one of the classes involved attempting to reinvent speed dating with a group, and the two of us who were queer-identified in one way or another were not comfortable outing ourselves to some dudebro cishet business students, so the whole exchange was hella awkward. I also used to say that music was the love of my life, and that I’d love to marry my job, and people always reacted with pity, saying “that’s so sad!” I don’t get what’s sad about loving your craft, or what’s sad about not seeking a romantic partner, so those interactions were mostly just confusing.
  5. I go to a university/college in germany, so it's different in terms of system but there's no sex ed here that all happened in my previous school when we were about 13. It was really uncomfortable but at least we were split females/males (there's another can of worms that I won't go into rn) but they didn't talk about sexualities. I know I learned about those from YouTube videos and creators that came out, no word in the class that's supposes to teach you these things. As for now, I'm open to two people in my semester bc one of them is also ace but the general opinion is amatonormativity sadly. There's also no clubs or stuff to educate people and if people don't go in my face with that stuff I generally don't care. I'm just too stressed out with my projects to educate other people 😂
  6. Yeah but don’t you think these badly written romantic plots happen in real life too? I’ve seen countless times, a girl and a boy spend some time together become friends and if they’re single you can definitely see them going there. I just always wonder why is it doesn’t happen with me even when i find a friend attractive i can never really feel “romantic” towards them. So i just believe that find these plots to be “badly written” cause I can’t relate to them. But yeah it kinda makes me feel superficial that i like their story cause i find them hot Tbh i like it sooo much better when a girl and a boy remain friends in the end, even if they’re single but every movie/tvshow ends with all the lead characters paired with each other and that’s just ugh. I don’t feel the “chemistry” between these characters that everyone goes crazy about. If it turns me on I’ll watch it otherwise do not care in the least. But damn that sounds so shallow:///
  7. One hundred percent. And that's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about! There's nothing at all wrong with thinking hey, those two characters are hot, it'd be even hotter if they boned. I can appreciate a romance plot when it's genuinely well-written, and is believable and important to the characters. The problem is, most romance sub-plots in media are about as deep as he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? And that's just lazy. I have a hard time believing that two characters will fall in love just because they're a straight man and a straight woman in the same place at the same time. And yet a lot of media seems to take it as given that any such situation will inevitably lead to romance, and therefore that there's no need to do anything to show or convince the audience why it happens.
  8. Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.
  9. Yesterday
  10. If I had to write a love letter, I would probably have just gone all out over tope super dramatic with it. I actually think I had to write one in high school to a character in a show we were watching. I made the love letter really stalker-ish because then I could at least humor myself while writing it. Though I did this before I learned I was aromantic. It would probably be more painful if I were given a love letter assignment now that I know I'm aromantic. Why is Valentine's day even a holiday? Someone enlighten me. Please. I went through sex education in middle school. It saddens me that the college equivalent still has a ways to go as well. And this doesn't help! Even in a sex education lecture, I would feel uncomfortable about my identity when I shouldn't. I wouldn't be able to speak up because then I'd essentially be correcting the lecturer and telling them "hey you're wrong." and then again. Vocabulary lesson. And that gets very tiring real fast. It's also really uncomfortab to do it in front of people you don't really know. I think once when I answered a question about my ideal person, I said to my Spanish partner that my boyfriend (because Spanish can't be gender neutral) would have red eyes. And they were like..."Wait that's not possible????" And I was like "EXACTLY" (To clarify, red eyes do exist. But are super super rare. And they're not actually red. They are the lack of color and you just see the blood vessels in the eye. However I added after the red eyes that the person would also need black hair. And most red eye people are albinos and therefore they would not have black hair. SO THERE YOU GO. MY IDEAL PERSON IS OFFICIALLY IMPOSSIBLE). Sorry I rambled. But yeah, I had a little fun when I answered the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend question in my Spanish class once. The other person probably didn't get the memo though. I think my problem with the term heartbreak is that it is implied that it is romantic. If someone talks about heartbreak you can almost be certain they are referring to it in a romantic way unless they specify otherwise and that is why is gets on my nerves. Yes, I have experienced friendship heartbreak most certainly, but I feel like when people hear heartbreak,Almost nobody will think platonically unless of course they are on the aro spectrum which in that case you would have no choice. And even then, I almost feel we need another word altogether to differentiate between (romantic) heartbreak and friendship heartbreak because romance has taken over the word completely as far as I can see. I go to Iowa State University. So it is a public college which is also why I am very surprised to be hearing some of these things. Of course, these examples are kind of small in comparison but they still hurt. No, I've never taken a sociology class. To be honest, I haven't taken one because I just don't really understand what sociology is all about. However, with this recommendation, I might consider it as an elective. Sadly, I already signed up for classes for next semester 😅 But I'm kind of interested now.
  11. I’m still in the process of figuring stuff out, not cause i need to explain somebody but to make sense of my own outlook on life. So personal relationships aside, how do you guys deal with romance in tv/film/books? Do you enjoy the romantic subplot in your favourite action/scifi movie? Personally I can’t stand it, i have extreme repulsion towards it and i just straight up skip all those parts even if they’re playing a part in the whole story (which rarely is the case). The only time i find myself enjoying it is when i feel like I’m sexually attracted to both the characters, i feel bad and almost guilty for saying that for some reason. But its true. Anyone else feel like that?
  12. Hello and welcome to our community . It was hard for me to accept at first too, but I promise you it will get easier. We are here to support you.
  13. What kind of college is this? I go to a public state university (SUNY Cortland) and I feel accepted by pretty much everyone I know there. I went to a community college before, where I was given stress questionnaires in a couple of my classes that seemed biased in favor of alloromantics, and this was in my first semester when I wasn't quite as open with my identity as I am now. Have you taken a sociology class? I found sociology class to be what really helped me as this class talked about all kinds of social issues including the pressure to be in a romantic relationship. I would definitely recommend taking a sociology class if you haven't already.
  14. When people talk about heartbreak I tend to think about ways that past friends have broken my heart. I don't think that it has to be romantic for it to be heartbreak.
  15. Last week
  16. I took a Spanish class last semester. Romantic stuff wasn't discussed a whole lot, but I remember, on Valentine's Day, there was a group activity where you had to write a love letter to a person, whose picture was on the letter. All I did was say things I'd like in a good friend! Also, recently, in my Independent Living Seminar, there was a sex education lecture. During this lecture, there was not only talk of what you'd want in a specific person, but pictures of private parts. Mind you, these were all students with disabilities of some sort, so I wasn't alone in my feeling of discomfort.
  17. Thank you very much, I appreciate that.
  18. Welcome, Horcrux! Thank you for sharing your experience. I realize that beginning to identify as aromantic can be hard to accept, but I assure you that a life without romantic attachment is not an inherently a life of loneliness. There are so many beautiful and wonderful ways to connect with people nonromantically. Excited for you to explore all of that!
  19. Hello! It's been a long time since I've been around Arocalypse mainly because I started college, and I've been really busy. But ever since I got to college, I've started to realize something. I thought that college would be better. There was a club called Asexual Aromantic Alliance, and I thought that must mean people knew of our existence. Upon starting college, it certainly seemed like a more open minded place, and it is, but I guess that open mindedness stopped when it got to Aromanticism. I was finally glad to be away from my parents. I even have an Aro pride flag hanging in my dorm room. But that's about as far as it goes. In everyday life I feel like I'm being invalidated despite the fact that I can be openly aromantic and asexual.The amatonormativity is just everywhere! Here's some examples. My Spanish class is the worst example. I really like my Spanish teacher. She is very animated and nice. But then we have these speaking exercises where we talk to a partner answering questions on the projector screen. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a question that goes along the lines of "What is your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend?" Or "What's your ideal husband/wife?". I usually just tell my partner that I'm not going to answer the question and instead let them answer it. But I feel terrible when I see that question. It's like a slap in the face. The second example just came up today in my philosophy class. My professor whom I also enjoy very much was trying to demonstrate something with an example. And all of sudden he went to the example of heartbreak. He said something like "I'm sure by now all of you have experienced heartbreak And he also said "If you haven't, well, I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing." And throughout that little part I was just cringing internally. Surely a philosophy professor would be open minded enough to not jump to such conclusions!!!! BUT AMATONORMATIVITY! I wish I could speak up and say something to my professors when they invalidate me, but I just can't. I hardly feel comfortable coming out at times because I dread the vocabulary speech that I'll have to give and I never know how someone will react. Some people are like "I don't understand how this is possible. I need more explanation." Others are like "WOW SO COOL. YOU'RE AMAZING." Then you have the worst response of "Lol no I don't believe you." And then some are like "um ok." Sometimes it's easier just not to say anything until you're backed into a corner and have no choice but to come out. Does anybody else who is in college experience something like this a lot inside and outside of class?
  20. I’m from San Francisco! However, I don’t have much experience in activism, but I’d be interested in helping put something together!
  21. Yeah, that's what made it sound like you thought it was a funny anecdote (or compliment?!) that some of the guys you've had sex with told you after the fact that it felt like rape, rather than that you'd engaged in previously-negotiated consent play. There was nothing else in your posts to suggest that any of your one night stands had involved any kind of kink negotiation. You called them "fleeting", described them as involving very little conversation, and even said "I have never really been bothered about them getting off". That really doesn't give the impression you sat down with several of guys you've hooked up with and had serious discussions about fulfilling their kinks or fantasies. So the sudden several-guys-told-me-they-felt-like-I-was-raping-them-lol non sequitur sounded extremely disturbing. I'm not fraysexual myself but it does seem like it would be hard for someone who is to have a long-term sexual relationship. Maybe you could look around for some discussions (here, on AVEN, or elsewhere) about fraysexuality, to see if your experiences match those of others who identify as fraysexual, and find out how those people deal with that problem?
  22. I'm talking to my friend about his crush on one of our mutual friends and can i just say that I'm aro for this shit

  23. Not to derail, but I think this is funny: I live in the Boston MA, USA area, which we call "New England". And I have dyslexia, so I read things.... oddly sometimes... So every time I see this thread, I see "New England meetup" and get excited... No action is requested on your part or anything... I just thought it was funny that after multiple months, I **STILL** make this mistake...
  24. Next meets: Saturday 30th November 1:30pm at the Egg Cafe, Liverpool Sunday 8th December 2pm at Sugar and Dice. Please rsvp by end of November so I can book a suitably sized table. Thanks 😁 Any problems on the day my number is 07594607252
  25. Do you know how many people this involves and which question they stopped at? This might itself be useful data.
  26. This survey has closed. We received 923 responses; thank you to everyone who participated! For those of you who started answering but didn't get to finish, you still have 2 weeks to complete the survey. Analyses will come after that.
  27. We are closing the survey today. Thank you to anyone who participated; we had 357 participants. For those of you who started but didn't finish the survey, your session should be open for the next 2 weeks, so you can finish in that time frame. Analyses to come.
  28. This is a short list (with links!) of some research on aromanticism. I hope it helps! https://www.aromanticism.org/en/research Also, the person who created the term “amatonormativity” (Elizabeth Brake) wrote a book about it called Minimizing Marriage
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