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  2. I've been hanging around on here for a while without realising that this section of the forum exists! I'm aroace to be specific, though I do relate more to aro than ace just by being romance-repulsed more than sex repulsed. I do sometimes wonder whether I edge into the grey-ace area. I don't mind sex, I just can't be bothered with all the hassle of all the lead up and just want to "get it done", but apparently that isn't romantic according to others... I also have been accused of being very textbook scientifically crude about it and have since been told I'm totally missing the point on it!! Anyway, that is definitely splitting hairs so just say ace at least at present. I'm from the Wirral, which is between Liverpool and Chester (it's a peninsula and so we have lots of beach to dog walk on). Of course, I have my dog who is my life, and has upset previous romantic partners previously who have accused me of "being more romantic towards my dog", I don't understand what their point is if I'm honest!! I organise a Liverpool a-spec social group. Otherwise I'm sport obsessed (don't expect my attention during the upcoming rugby world cup!)
  3. Sorry for the question but what is aplatonic? I like the idea of an A-spec flag, mainly because L has a flag, G has a flag, B has a flag (etc etc without painfully listing), irrespective of talking about romantic attraction or sexual attraction. I agree about the colours though - the typical purple and green of ace and aro respectively should be used. I didn't even know there was an aroace specific flag, I would have guessed that aroace would be half aro flag and half ace flag in some way, and I don't necessarily see how this can't be used for A-Spec more generally. Just my 2 cents! 😁
  4. I actually agree! I've felt the same way for a long time. Whenever people in the LGBT+ community use this phrase as a way to justify themselves then I do feel quite a bit excluded. I've talked about this in other threads about how aromantics don't really fit into the LGBT+ community because sometimes it seems we don't have anything in common with them (but I still think we belong! This is just a complaint towards the community as a whole). It's a community that just pushes this idea of love and that can be good! But it's not good when you exclude others in your own community. But never do they once defend the idea that it's okay not to love. The aromantics fall by the wayside and aren't in any way reflected in that phrase. ughhh yes. I hate the soulmate stuff. Everytime I see a mention of it, it really irks me. I don't really understand the concept. Of all the 7 billion+ people on this planet, you just happened to come across "the one"?? Puh-leaaasssee. Agreeeeeed. That's the ultimate cringe. People say really weird things when they're in love.
  5. Today
  6. I think you can try if you really want too, but with fixing clear limit with your friend, and explaining you are aro (make sûre that she gets it, because she doesn't seem to understand it for what you say). But if you do it, you should for good reasons. If it is because she's interested in you and you don't want to broke her heart, or because you are scared to mise your friendship, I don't think it will work : if she doesn't get aromanticism she will expect you to reciprocate, not only to behave romantically; and then if will be painful for both of you. Same if you are not comfortable with romantic coded activities. In other words, you can test this kind of relationship, but you have to know why you do it, and what you are read to do or not. The important is that you don't force yourself in anything you wouldn't do.
  7. I shared your survey in some fb aro groups.
  8. So, recently (like a few days ago), I accepted to be in a relationship with a girl which is long distance (she's in Russia, I'm in England). I've always seen her as just a good friend, and I care about her a lot, but feel nothing romantically, but she really loves me in that way. She does also look gorgeous but, because I see her as just a good friend, I wouldn't really have sex with her. It's just awkward atm, because whenever she says, "I love you", I can't say it back, because I don't wanna lie to her. You're supposed to tell the truth, right? I only accepted just to see if I could be in a romantic relationship, and also because I didn't want to upset her. I only really enjoyed the sexual roleplay we've had together. I enjoy reading smut/lemon stuff even when it's not lesbian, arrest me ahshs Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but I'm not sure this will last long. Also, I told her that I had somewhat of an alterous connection with this older woman I see often, and she thinks that I love her romantically, when (while she is fit, and maybe I'd have sex with her, but I doubt it because she has a boyfriend and has just had a kid) I only see her as a good friend. This is similar to the alterous connection I had with my teacher back when I was 12/13. I didn't say "alterous", but I said I got attached to this woman, and that I get attached to older women more easily, and that it's happened before. So, she's a bit down about that (it 'broke her heart') She says that people experience romantic attraction differently and, while it is sort of true, I just think that maybe I don't feel it at all. I made it clear that I didn't think I experienced romantic attraction to the woman, just that I was unsure why I thought about her a lot and that I have an unusually strong emotional connection to her. I know that some Aros can be in a romantic relationship without the attraction and be fine, but I don't think I can. It's too awkward. What do you think?
  9. "more than friends" , of course . This ! It make me uncomfortable when peoples say that... Off topic i don't know, but i agree. It's very annoying to hear this when you are a trans aro.
  10. Nice thread! Phrases like "Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world", or whatever you want instead of "beautiful". I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but everytime I hear it sounds like you need it to be happy. The whole concept of "the one" too. Because if you say you are aro, people will just assume that this special person will come and change your identity. Even if it does, you can still be in the grey are of the spectrum. Plus it doesn't invalidate how you felt at the moment. Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?
  11. ah gosh this. Like as an a-spec trans person I think 'love is love' is lovely! When its specifically talking about love. Not about the whole LGBT+ community. Like people say "The LGBT+ community is about who you love!" and its like "?? im trans, its the 4th letter, and love isnt relevant to my identity" which, whoops im going a little off topic. So, yeah, "LGBT+ is about love" very amatonormative Also the phrase "Have you found [someone, a boyfriend, ect] yet?" No, i havent, and i will not ever.
  12. "Just friends", "more than friends", etc Implies that friendship is inferior/lesser than romance "Love is love is love" I expect I'll get some pushback on this, so let me clarify what I mean. I've seen this phrase used in the context in gay marriage, and in that context, I don't find it amatonormative (but I do find it assimilationist), but I often see it get applied to other situations where it has problematic subtext. Here's an example: "'Love is love is love' is the slogan of the entire queer community!" Well, no, I'm aromantic and I don't feel like that includes me. "Ah, but 'love is love is love' can apply to platonic love too!" Well, no, I'm not comfortable with someone shoehorning in platonicism so that I don't feel excluded and dehumanized, especially when said person is probably going to turn around and be amatonormative as soon as I stop looking.
  13. Maybe "there's someone for everyone"? Its used to mean that every person has someone who will be a good fit for them romantically and I know for a fact there's no one for me.
  14. So I had known for awhile that common phrases often push certain beliefs held by society as a whole. And to no one's surprise, there are phrases in support of amatonormativity as well. I've created this thread to see if we, the Arocalypse community, can come up with as many proverbial phrases, sayings, rhymes, and so on that are used today by people in all kinds of situations to push amatonormativity. Here's 2 that I can think of: 1. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage I've known about this one for a long time as it's been said in at least one video on asexuality/aromanticism. It sets out a life path for everyone assuming that you have to fall in love and then it goes even further assuming that you'll get married and have a child! All kinds of assumptions in this rhyme. This isn't a very commonly used saying but I still believe many people hold this belief especially when it comes to parents/grandparents towards their children/grandchildren. 2. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all What a jab at the aro community (and single people too)! Like do I even need to explain this. I was listening to a song and someone said this and I was just like "no" *turns off song* What else can you guys think of?? There must be more that I just can't think of at the moment.
  15. Yesterday
  16. I agree with the gray being lighter. I'm very used to the "iconic" aro green and ace purple, so I'm not a huge fan of the green and purple you chose, but I can see it growing on me in the future. Another possible option, (and this might also help to distinguish it from an aroace-as-a-specific-identity flag, would be to use the alternate aro green (and by analogy, make an alternate ace purple)? I'll explain by referencing variation 4 from running.tally's list of flags. Numbering the colors 1-5 from top to bottom, I'd call colors 1 and 5 the primary aro and ace colors because of how widespread their usage is. (And also, most people use only 1 and 5 for making a specific-aroace flag). If instead you opted to use colors 2 and 4 (alternate aro and alternate ace), they'd have some sense of familiarity since they're (well, the alternate aro, at least) found in flags, but also a sense of something new (and if you wanted to read into symbolism, you could say that the choice of alternates is a reminder to talk about the narratives that most people ignore).
  17. I resonate a lot with this personally. I see others in romantic relationships having deep emotional connections and being affectionate, and I think to myself that it seems nice and I wish I could have that. But then when it comes down to it, my attraction to others is fickle, and someone reciprocating my feelings generally freaks me out a little. If friendships were more commonly affectionate (especially physically) I would be satisfied with that. Goodness, I am so touch starved
  18. For me, the colours are more saturated on my phone. It's not just brightness. Right now i am on my laptop and it look alright. But again, that's just me ^^ That being said, maybe the grey could be just a bit lighter, i agree.
  19. Romance repulsed despite being able to experience romantic attraction that occurs infrequently and fades very rapidly. Not interested in romantic relationships but have a need for sensual and emotional connection not available in a "regular" platonic relationship. I generally keep people at a distance due to trust issues and not really caring about having many so called "friends". If I do decide that I care enough about someone to consider them a friend, I take that friendship extremely seriously. Friendship will always be more important than romance for me (romance isnt an option anyway due to romance repulsion). Personal space and being able to feel like I can be myself is important as well. So at the end of the day if I can be myself around someone and that person feels like they can be themselves as well then that's all that really matters. So those are my reasons for identifying as greyromantic.
  20. I love it! Think the grey can be lighter but otherwise this looks awesome!
  21. Brightness is a good point! I have my phone and laptop on low brightness always so, i guess its a little less bright for me whoops
  22. Note : the brightness of the colours… depend if you are on mobile or on your laptop. For me, at least. It look like one of the aroace flags with a black strip, now that i think about it…
  23. I made this version too originally which may help the contrast a little, but also makes it look a little more like the aroace flag?
  24. It's a pretty flag. I like that you chose six stripes - it departs from both the aro and ace flags and makes it unique. The greater number of stripes also makes sense for a big community. I think the grey could maybe be a little lighter to better differentiate it from the black (perhaps #999999) but it's otherwise nice in terms of contrast. The green and purple might be a bit too much of a contrast, but for me personally, only the green is a little too bright. One thing I'm worried about is that the inclusion of blue makes it look similar to @Magni's aroace flag. In general, though, there is a longstanding debate about what should be used as a-spec (umbrella) flag colours vs. aroace (specific identity) flag colours. So as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you want hahaha. There are a few other a-spec flags out there, yes. I compiled a post of the ones I knew of recently HERE.
  25. I think there are at least three or so of these out there -- might be worth seeing how they compare. Not sure what all of them are though. @raavenb2619 @running.tally would y'all know?
  26. Heads up, everyone: AUREA has a dedicated account on Arocalypse (this one). 👍

  27. We've made an AUREA-specific account (this one) to respond to anyone on Arocalypse from now on. This is to make it easier for you all to talk to the Team and understand what's coming from the official organization and what's just coming from us as individuals. You can ping the Team by typing @AUREA.
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