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  3. Famous Name Game

    Kylie Minogue


  6. Famous Name Game

    Wiz Khalifa
  7. Your experiences with attraction?

    I remember being in a relationship when I was twelve. We were basically just best friends, but it was kind of awkward and then I forgot that I was even in a relationship with him. We never broke up. I gave him a peck on the lips once and we used to send each other small pieces of paper in class, they basically just said "I like you", "I like you too" and drawings of birds (??). We used to sit on a tree branch and talk about sports and he also sat next to me in class for the entire year that we were together. When I look back on that year, I don't think I felt any attraction at all? He liked me and I just: "okay". My other experiences with attraction ended in misunderstandings and frustration because I still didn't know about the split attraction model or aromanticism. When he asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with me, I didn't really know what I wanted and tried to explain it as "being friends, but like, Best Friends". He wanted something different than I did, we said hurtful things to each other and I was scared because I didn't understand why I wasn't like everyone else. We're still friends, but rarely see each other since we go to different schools now.
  8. I know that phrase! It''s the “mundane” part that makes it so funny… like as if everybody had become totally used to aromanticism.
  9. Aromanticism and depression

    If we look at DSM-V definition of mental/psychiatric disorder: A a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual B is associated with present distress (e.g., a painful symptom) or disability (i.e., impairment in one or more important areas of functioning) or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom C must not be merely an expectable and culturally sanctioned response to a particular event, for example, the death of a loved one D a manifestation of a behavioral, psychological, or biological dysfunction in the individual E neither deviant behavior (e.g., political, religious, or sexual) nor conflicts that are primarily between the individual and society are mental disorders unless the deviance or conflict is a symptom of a dysfunction in the individual … aromanticism seems to check all the boxes, if one wants to. For example (point B), it's easy to feel some kind of distress because of aromanticism. Even more critical is “impairment in one or more important areas of functioning”. Social functioning is one of the important areas of functioning – but what on earth should “correct” social functioning include? Romantic love? Then even the most happy, sociable, well-adjusted aromantic could be pathologized. I generally like this proposal more. It's good to have “significant” to be added to “distress”. And especially F and G seem to be very sensible: F that has diagnostic validity using one or more sets of diagnostic validators (e.g., prognostic significance, psychobiological disruption, response to treatment) G that has clinical utility (for example, contributes to better conceptualization of diagnoses, or to better assessment and treatment) J seems also a good consideration: J when considering whether to add a psychiatric condition to the nomenclature, or delete a psychiatric condition from the nomenclature, potential benefits (for example, provide better patient care, stimulate new research) should outweigh potential harms (for example, hurt particular individuals, be subject to misuse)
  10. Aromanticism and depression

    I can support that notion. It is even harder to notice the changes when you do have strong but fleeting moments of good emotions yet the downward spiral continues. Not nice.
  11. Aromantics Just Want to Be Your Friend

    I gave the article a pass, especially about not refocusing after the 'too young' bit, because it is an older one, but seeing it does bring up the question: why are some of the more modern articles worse? But I am just glad that I could add something old but new!
  12. Famous Name Game

    Raquel Welch
  13. Aromanticism and depression

    @aro_elise Thanks for sharing. "it's like i'm too tired for life" is relatable to me, but it's like I only catch a flavour or hint of that feeling rather than the full blown thing. I don't want to trivialise other people's experiences of depression by comparing them with my (much milder, I think) feelings. That's good. I hope things can keep getting better for you. I don't know if this is a thing for dysthymia in general, but for me I've noticed that changes are very gradual. I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old "normal", but over a period of years, not weeks or months. Perhaps with "major" depression the changes are more sudden? I just kind of one day noticed I wasn't as happy as I used to be - but a bit like the parable of the frog in the pot, the change in emotional state was too gradual for me to notice at the time (again, I don't know if I have dysthymia / some quite mild and manageable form of it, and don't want to trivialise your experiences with it. I was just sharing in the hope of saying at least something helpful or useful)
  14. My point exactly and couldn't have said it any better.
  15. Aromantics Just Want to Be Your Friend

    I'm surprised an article about aromanticism existed in 2014 and I'm just seeing it now! I'm absolutely here for this visibility, although the tone got a bit patronizing when they started talking about when is "too young" to identify as aro, and the article seemed to look down on the idea of QPRs a lot... but then again, it is from 3 years ago.
  16. Famous Name Game

    Wendy Richard
  17. Famous Name Game

    Hugo Weaving muahaha I will give you all the W!
  18. my dad uses the phrase 'garden variety' to describe anything typical or mundane and i kind of picked it up.
  19. poll on relationships

    idk man. i don't really have a plan because i'm happy being single. if a promising opportunity comes up, ok, but i'm not really looking for anything. kind of the same with new friends, i just let it happen organically, which often means nothing happens, but i'd rather be by myself than with someone i don't actually really like.
  20. Aromanticism and depression

    @NullVector yeah, that sounds about right. i mean, sometimes it is really bad, like i feel broken and despairing, rather than empty, and it's not just mood; it's hard to do anything. school stuff, basic self care, even fun stuff, it's like i'm too tired for life. but that's pretty typical of all types of depression. i was diagnosed about a year ago but i've had these symptoms for about 3 years. i've known i was aro for over 2 years. and fun fact: one of the worst times in my life in terms of depression was during my first and only relationship, when i was basically trying to convince myself i wasn't aro. it was...not good. last year was pretty bad, too--my first year of university--i was used to not having trouble with school and everything being the same, i guess, and then nothing was familiar or easy and i just kind of lost it. i've tried therapy and medication--variously--but didn't notice any significant change, so i currently have neither. this year...i'm not far enough into it to tell, but it's relatively ok so far.
  21. Famous Name Game

    William Hartnell
  22. Post something totally random

    The internet to the savvy: The global network of computer networks, the Internet Protocol that allows formatted datagrams known as "packets" to pass between networks or the underlying physical and electrical infrastructure. The internet to the average: Internet connections like phone lines, websites, e-mail and everything else delivered via gadgets and networks. The internet to the beginner: Websites, social media, hive-minds/behaviour and cyberspace like a virtual dimension where stuff gets digitised and teleported inexplicably. The internet to the clueless: The devil.
  23. Aromanticism and depression

    I suffer from anxiety and depression but the latter makes it hard to enjoy things I'd otherwise enjoy thus lose the motivation. Because I've never dated I can't say it's something I'd normally enjoy or not. Instead, there's anxiety. What doesn't make me anxious is imagining it though and it still hardly appeals, then the depression is what probably kills any motivation or desire to pursue other intimate relationships. In short it makes it hard to even realise or guess if I'd like that sort of thing. That doesn't mean it's alone what causes aromanticality or asexuality for that matter, it's a major factor to consider and could be a complication. One should never judge others based on their apparent aromanticality alone or blame it, but it doesn't hurt to encourage others to think and introspect themselves and try to decide whether the labels they choose makes them happy or not. If they can't rule it out then fine. If it is just depression and anxiety though it doesn't mean it's wrong....you can still enjoy an asexual and aromantic lifestyle. Besides forcing oneself into a relationship can make one more anxious and depressed especially if you don't know what you're doing or feel compelled. I remember there was an aro-phobe on AVEN who made a whole thread about how "bad it is" for her on how there're not only a lack of asexual men there but especially a lack of men who want a date and make the first move, as typical societal expectations. Worse, they started repetitively calling those who "don't chase" "emotionally and mentally unhealthy" in such an egocentric fashion and trying to shame them. Never mind about maybe all sexes and genders who want to date should ask those if they'd like to enter such a relationship, just the "asexual men chasing women" and "learning to be better husbands and wives".
  24. Famous Name Game

    Gerard Way
  25. Unconditional Love

    Thanks for your response. I had never heard of before, or have a clear definition about eros and philia before -generally I didn't ponder love at all (until I found this site) I sat down and thought about my situation with my new knowledge and realised I am reacting like a milder version of when someone is romantically interested. Intellectually I know the love is familial but somewhere along the line it got mixed up elsewhere. Maybe time apart will realign my reactions? I don't know. But it is just scary that it happened, and I worry that it will happen again. Well that is sort of a conversation dead end as it is something I will have to work on by myself. On a brighter note, as accepting and loving someone within their known character, some of my relationships are equatable to unconditional love! as long as it doesn't get tainted with romance confusion ...and consent boundaries are respected
  26. Our attitudes to AVEN

    If I didn't, I wouldn't have found a reason to leave AVEN for good. If anything good came out of though is it was a major humility lesson. Yes I probably shouldn't have gone back in the first place but I didn't know better and I forgive myself at least for hoping.
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