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  1. Today
  2. Mark

    Aromantics in media

    I don't think 100 effectively clone characters would be good representations of anything. The other obvious problem is that this is an aro ace character. Whereas what's most needed is aro allo (especially hetero) characters. Since these will represent the majority of aros.
  3. running.tally

    New Here, Romantic Ally

    So nice to have you here. Allies are always welcome (especially because sometimes aros like me on here really need an allo voice to compare to and understand)! I'm also really happy to hear about your respect for the importance of friendships - I think we can definitely have good conversations about that.
  4. Yesterday
  5. NullVector

    Good day!

    Cool. What languages do you speak?
  6. Rina

    New Here, Romantic Ally

    Welcome 😁 I wasn`t on for a long time but I hope my greetings are still good enough It is really great to read that someone sees his friendships as important as romantic ralationships. I only know it the other way.
  7. princessem1020

    How Aromanticism affect Asexuality.

    I'm a romantic asexual myself and also find it annoying that people assume they are the same. Many asexual people are not aromantic (like me) and many aromantic people are not asexual. They aren't the same thing. They just have lacking a certain attraction in common.
  8. princessem1020

    New Here, Romantic Ally

    Hi, I'm Em, and I am here to support aromantics as well as discuss platonic love and friendships with people who appreciate it more due to the fact that they don't like people in a romo way. While I am alloromantic (romantically homo), I do value friendships as much, if not more than romantic relationships. I've been single my whole life and am ok with that. I still want to get married and have kids eventually, but am waiting for the right girl and am only pursuing platonic friendships with people of any gender until then. I will admit I used to think I was aromantic when I first realized I was asexual because I am not attracted to the opposite gender romantically or sexually, but it isn't the case for me. Still, I like boys and girls platonically even though it doesn't go any further than that with boys.
  9. Matryoshka

    Good day!

    Hi! My degree is in graphic design! While I really love getting lost in Photoshop and Illustrator, I doubt I want to do it forever, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I may want to become a language teacher... and write (and design!) textbooks for the languages I will be teaching. 😁
  10. Ska

    Shipping

    That’s a really interesting question. As i am a huge shipper i will tell my point of view: i rarely ship canon ships because they are obviously boring, no originals and i often dislike one of the two characters. I ship people on the sexual chemistry i (like to) see as i am aro and (i think) not ace. I can also ship people in the queerplatonique non sexual relationships and exclusive way as John and Sherlock in Sherlock but without Mary. Or actually with Mary but she has the same kind of « bond » with Sherlock and John. I can also ship these relationships but sexually like in Flash with Barry Allen and Leonard Snart (with or without Iris). I don’t mind romantique relationships (i can even be really into them) if they’re is sex, something forbidden and/or really strong intimacy (they know/learn each other by heart). If it’s only for the sexual part i’m okay with everything but i am extremely picky on the ship. Otherwise i like fics for a lot of different reasons ofc.
  11. Jot-Aro Kujo

    Aromantics in media

    Jughead. Now we just need like, 100 more Jugheads and we're good
  12. Mark

    What Is Aromanticism, Really?

    This is, more or less word for word, the definition of a Queer Platonic Relationship. Which IIRC was coined by an aro ace person. It's not "normal" for allo aces. Who tend to be interested in non-sexual romantic relationships. It's also troublesome to apply to aro allos. Since the colloquial definition of "platonic" is "NOT(sexual)". Thus describing a sexual relationship as "platonic" will confuse the vast majority of people... Cupioromantics desire being in romantic relationships. I suspect that there are aros who can tolerate romantic relationships for "secondary reasons". e.g. companionship, sex, affection.
  13. Arcane gadget

    Sexual attraction as felt by aros

    Cool thread! I think I only really find people attractive when I'm already horny. I never get distracted because someone's attractive, but I will find certain people more attractive if I'm actively looking for a sexual partner? Of course this is also tied up with the fact that I'm pretty sure I have some level of prosopagnosia (faceblindness) , and I have to have known someone for a while before their face sticks in my mind well enough that I'm even able to find them attractive. And if by this point I've discovered I don't like them as a person, I'm not going to find them attractive. So I only find people attractive when I'm horny, I've known them for a while, and we're reasonably friendly and get along and even then I don't find most people attractive, or find anyone distractingly attractive.
  14. Mark

    Help me

    The question you are asking false dichotomy, since there are several possibilities which are neither "platonic" (by either contemporary or Plato's definition) nor "romantic". My interpretation would be what you are describing is "neither". Wanting to spend time with someone is not necessarily romantic. Humans are social creatures and "quality time" is just as applicable to eros, philia, storge, ludus, pargma or (even) agape. These sound like aesthetic attraction. The more common definition is that it's a desire for a "romantic relationship". With "date" referring either to a set of social activities or being a slang term for romantic relationship. "Spend time with" being rather less specific than "date" too. The OP does not mention wanting this woman to become a "life partner", "wife", etc. A desire for physical affection could be down to sensual, sexual or romantic attraction in any of seven possible combinations. IME that human desires (and behavious) can have multiple motivations often gets overlooked. There appears to be a strong cultural tendency to identify a singular "cause". Lack of vocabulary is likely to be a problem. Since there are many types of relationship possible, but only a few words available to describe relationships. I don't see any evidence of either jealousy and possessiveness in the OPs description. One of the distinctions is that these tend to be seen as negative within non-romantic relationships. But, potentially, positive within romantic ones.
  15. Mark

    Aromantics in media

    It's also reinforcing the tropes of "you'll change your mind" and that (interest in) romance is somehow related to "maturity"/ What could that actually look like? Also how likely would it be for alloromantic writers to come up with such a character?
  16. nonmerci

    Aromantics in media

    Yes if you are aro you will see yourself in them, but if you don't know you are aro it won't help realize that you are. And it won't help explaining to people that aromanticism is a thing. People will keep expecting the character to falloir in love in the future. So of course I will be happy to see such characters, but I won't call it representation. No need to say the word aromantic, but just make it clear that the character doesn't feel romantic attraction or doesn't fit the amatonormativity. And dois that, make sûre that it doesn't look like a phase.
  17. Emerald Cheetah

    Child or Childless

    Yeah I definitely don't want to have kids either because the thought of those 9 torturous months and the fact that I'd have somebody who's dependent on me kind of ruins the whole thought for me. The "Genetic Guilt" you're mentioning makes sense. After all, it's only natural since the survival of our species depends on procreation. However at the end of the day, I look at the pros and cons, and having kids seems to have more cons in for me. However, the best solution that I can think of to such a problem is adoption. The child may not be your blood but they will still, in a sense, be a continuation of your family. They will become a part of your family tree. Not to mention, it's a great service because there are far too many children who never get adopted and never get to know what it's like to have a mother or father.
  18. Apathetic Echidna

    Child or Childless

    I've decided that procreation is a demographic so this should go here. When I was very small I decided I didn't want kids, which is something fairly common in my family so it was easily accepted. However at the beginning of the year I was almost overwhelmed by a sort of genetic guilt. On one side of my family I have a few distant cousins, but basically I am it, the last of the line. What really puts a point on it is my family technically is titled, so when we are gone the title has to go back 4 generations then down their descendants to find the next title holder. It isn't like I, or any kids I might have would hold the title anyway, but the fact that there is no one closer. I look at family portraits and think I am the end, it stops with me, and I feel so bad. But the reality of babies and toddlers freaks me out. I do like kids 8+, when they have conversations and intelligent understanding and aren't nearly so dependant. Ultimately I just wish the possibility was taken away so I wouldn't have these conflicting feelings which scare me more than anything. I am terrified my genetic guilt might overwhelm me and I do something stupid because it would only end badly. I know, sadly from experience with other families that the worst thing you can do is breed when you aren't sure. So these are my currently conflicting feelings but I am wondering if anyone else has felt something similar? or maybe you have never been conflicted, I would love to know.
  19. Apathetic Echidna

    Help me

    I found your other topic before I found this one, but if you are having trouble telling apart romantic and non-romantic feelings there are some things you can look for in your feelings that might help, but ultimately it will be you that has to work it through because there is a massive lack in the vocabulary and so there will always be a difference between what you feel and what others can understand. Jealousy and possessiveness may be present with romantic love (not always though, and it can be present in unhealthy friendships when there is a tone of possessiveness) The IKEA effect is something to watch for too. It is generally associated with children but I have found any sort of proprietary input can trigger it. So basically she is the best (at anything or everything) because she is your friend/partner and has your support. It is similar to Idol worship but in this case the person is good because of your connection. I may be way off and confused but these are some things to look for to help you out of the questioning process
  20. To me this all sounds like you are a very expressive person. I had a friend sort of like this once, but she expressed her feelings to everyone in our friend group the same way. Ultimately being aromantic or romantic is about intentions rather than observation. Many of us are okay doing romantic-coded things to different limits. To people watching we might seem to be romantic, but we don't feel those intentions. Even if we are uncomfortable doing some things we still might do them because we care about the person we are with, like giving a friend a hug when they are upset even if you* don't like hugging. Love does exist in many forms but if it doesn't feel romantic to you (feeling possessiveness and jealousy can be good markers to tell if it is romantic feelings, but not always) then it is not romantic. *general use of you, not specific to anyone reading this
  21. Jot-Aro Kujo

    Aromantics in media

    No. Unless the word "aromantic" is said, or a character explicitly states that they do not experience romantic attraction, I don't consider that representation at all. I want my existence to be acknowledged. The absence of romance is not the presence of aromanticism, and no way in fucking hell am I ever going to give writers credit for representation they don't actually include. Aro Pidge is certainly a nice headcanon, but it is in no way representation.
  22. Apathetic Echidna

    Aromantics in media

    I think characters that fit definitions for aromantics are good for variety within media but I don't really think they are representation because it being aromantic isn't taken into account for the future plans for the character the writers/creators may just make them fall in love (maybe to try and get more viewers/other plot lines finish/the actor is unhappy/fan pressure). That would be sending the worst messages to people questioning as it would just reinforce the tropes about not having met the right person yet. Plus whenever the word aromantic is not mentioned people lose the chance of discovering this identity. Aromanticism is hard to find if you don't know it exists and don't know where to look. Personally I believe strongly that to be representation they need to say the word and identify the community/identity by name.
  23. Last week
  24. Apathetic Echidna

    What Is Aromanticism, Really?

    I second this. It is possibly you have a squish on them (another term to look up, which I can't describe because I don't seem to get them).
  25. Apathetic Echidna

    Harmful Romance Movie Tropes

    I always thought that ending was about her coming to grips with how the job changed her and realising she doesn't want that for her future. It seems I totally aro-remembered the end of the movie as I thought she left her boyfriend as well
  26. Jot-Aro Kujo

    What Is Aromanticism, Really?

    Yes. There are aros who enter romantic relationships for various reasons, and from what you're describing, I would also recommend learning about the term "QPR".
  27. confuzzledbeans

    Aromantics in media

    Lots of characters fit the threshold for Aros in media. I'm thinking of Pidge Gunderson form the Voltron Reboot, who I totally see as Aro/Ace. For one they wear the Aro flag colours, and they don't have any relationships in the show or any 'crushes' (Unless you count their love of science). They are a great character and though they don't explicitly come out as Aro, do they still count as a kind of representation? I feel they do, because even one character breaking that expectation for everyone to need to be in a relationship means that aro people and people figuring out that their aro can see themselves in them. What are your guys thoughts?
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