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  1. Today
  2. So glad that what we've said helped you even a little, @maor! Figuring out identity and then coming to terms with it is such a whirlwind sometimes, and again you're honestly doing great by reaching out and letting us ramble with you about these things. They deserve a good rambling because the ultimate goal is for you to feel content with yourself. I think you definitely said it well yourself. You seem to have some ideas about what your attraction is like, but you're having a hard time accepting it and you're not entirely sure why (though you've pointed to a few things like traditional upbringing, self-esteem, and expectations you have as possible factors). Talking things over with a specialist will definitely help narrow things down, and I'm glad you're looking into that! I totally get wanting to be alone. I hate roommates. But for me, I know I'm this way because everyone I've lived with has been sort of crappy in some way. I think that it is possible to live with someone and raise a family and still set up boundaries for alone time that are healthy. I know some couples that sleep separately and are perfectly happy, for example, whether to help unwind with alone time or to accommodate differing sleep schedules. There are tonnes of options and I want to reiterate that you can have a successful relationship apart from the standard marriage model. I even know some aros who are in relationships with romantic people, even married and cohabiting, and their romantic partners don't mind that their orientation is the way it is. You've pointed this out as well: it sounds like what you are struggling with is internal and self-directed, like feeling anxious and guilty that you might be different from the traditional mould, even if your close others don't mind. Cultivating patience and compassion/kindness for yourself is difficult (I don't pretend I'm an expert at that either, hahaha), but that may be a good step to take to being more comfortable with yourself and finding a person or people with which you can be happy.
  3. AKOIROMANTICISM !!! Akoiromanticisms... I'm sorry I'm coming in this thread like that but I've read all this thread and all the time I just wanted to skip everything to answer because damn there is so many damn things I want to say to you but I wanted to be sure to have all the information and be sure things weren't already said. So first thing first, like @Eklinaar said there's a thing for people that experience romantic attraction fantasize about the idea of relationships, marriage and all these type of traditional romantics things...but stop when it's becoming real. I'm pretty sure that's called akoiromanticism (before lithro but lithro was re-appropriated by lesbian community I think). I am not akoi so don't get your hopes up of me being like that and explaining it to you clearly because I am aro but I've found that term out some times ago when my friend shared to me a queerinclusive story with a character being akoi in it. I was really confused as to "What is that thing?" and by searching on the web I've found out that it is feeling attraction but from afar I guess because it's more of an idea than anything. I've actually got a character that is like that so I've remembered the term. You should probably check it out because I think it's that. Second thing...Yes to the shrink. My dad is a psychiatrist, I'm actually seeing two therapists right now and I'm pushing everyone around me to see someone because it does help so much. Especially if you're lost because their job isn't really to give you an answer but to help you find the answer in yourself. Don't think you're seeing a shrink because you failed to find it all by yourself because it's a lie. For starter from what I've understood you came from a really traditional family so it's already really really brave of you to have come this far and to be so open-minded about yourself and about everything. You made a lot of progress and that's really great so seeing a shrink is in no way a step back or a plan B it's a move forward actually and a way to complete your plan A because you're not giving up and letting someone control things for you or making the decision about who you are. You are doing the work, they're helping me but you get all the credits. What you said about ticking boxes actually made me think a lot about a song from my favourite show ever (that everyone should see because honestly it's so good and realistic and a great criticism of relationship and it's queer positive and anyway awesome) about mental illness. I think you should listen to it because that's pretty much the same thing it's just about mental illness and not about attraction. ( ) Which is a great thing is that Rebecca (the character) like you really hate the diagnosis that someone gave her because yeah it's true and it's the closest she's ever got to something real but there's a lot of stigma about it and a lot of things don't apply to her even if some do. And it doesn't mean that it's wrong it just means that things are more nuanced than boxes. Nobody lives thing the same way. Even in the aromantic community, well there's grey area for starter. You don't have to be alloromantic or aromantic but even in aromanticism a lot of people on here are romance repulsed or thing romance are toxic for people when me on the other hand could be consider as a sucker for romance. I can see the benefits of romance. It's just not for me. Mostly because we're all nuanced because we've lived different things and have been educated in different ways. And there's also other things and that's what I wanted to talk to you about next. On the subject of mental illness and trauma and all that. Have you thought about questioning about that too? Maybe your experience is really difficult and frustrating to you because of other things. I for example I'm precocious and have hypersensibility which make me more sensible about well everything because my emotions are at the center of everything. It also makes me really empathic and perceptive so there isn't only downsides to it but it could be a reason for your confusion. My parents both have that too and my dad just like me suffers from userpator syndrom. When you constantly doubt about everything about yourself even if you rationally know that you're like that or you like that but you can't stop questioning yourself and have these phases where you're "Do I actually like this music or do I force myself to think that I like this music because I want to be hip and trendy or maybe it's because I don't want to be hip and trendy and I want to convince myself that I don't like it and that's why I'm doubting about my taste in music in the first place". When of course when you get through that you understand afterward that it is absolutely ridiculous to overanalyse that this much because you actually like this music because the beat is good and that's just it. Anyway, check into that maybe too? Because if there's a slight chance that you are precocious it would help you understand yourself more and it would also make you understand why you always felt different even before really questioning your sexuality, romance attraction or gender. Also I relate to a ton of things you said but I'm not gonna talk more because this post is already long enough. Feel free to message me tho if you want to know more about my experience and learn from that (I personally love hearing other experiences it helps me figure myself out that's why I'm proposing that it's not because I have some magical answers). P.S: Hypersensibility and all that is related to IQ (having a higher IQ than average) it's just that it's honestly another way of functioning and I'm afraid bluntly say it's related to that will make you think it's related to intelligence and don't put that much thought into it because it's really not about intelligence but more about emotions and sensibility.
  4. Shipping

    I can answer that. NoTP is a piece of fandom slang. It's derived from fandom term "OTP" which stands for "One True Pairing", meaning the one romantic pairing the specific fan likes over any other pairing. NoTP, in that context means the opposite-a pairing that the fan will never ever support. Another derivative is BrOTP, for platonic pairs. Does this help?
  5. Shipping

    I don't really ship in real life. I mean I have one celebrity ship, where I ship two famous people. But it's honestly the only one. I feel like they really have a huge chemistry and i would love to see them together. Mostly because they're pretty transparent with their emotions I feel and they do seems sad when they don't spend time together vs spending time together. (They also joke a lot and make a ton of sexual comments so it's kind of a ambiguous relationship to start). Other than that I don't ship in real life except if I really feel like the two person would really be a lot happier being together. In fiction tho I do ship a ton. I don't really like shipping random people. I feel like for a lot of time it's at random but when I feel two characters really have chemistry and would complete each other and make each other more happy if they were together than if there weren't. I'm a really emphatic person so even if I'm aromantic and it's not for me. I totally get how some people would be better with someone and in a traditional romantic relationship. I hate it when it's people forcing characters together and this kind of things because like leave these characters or person alone if they're great alone but I've seen a lot of character being alone and feeling sad about it and I like shipping them with other characters that are alone and sad about it if there's already a chemistry between them. I also write a lot about romantic relationships and romantic characters because I find it really interesting and fascinating so obviously I'm shipping some of my characters together. But I feel like it would always be valid and I could probably write an essay about how them being together would improve their lives, mental health, physical health and all that. Well sometimes it doesn't because I like to write about abusive relationship or dysfunctional one too but I definitely don't ship characters in abusive relationship together. In conclusion I would say that I don't ship always but I do often but everytime for valid reasons that I could explain and goes way deeper than "Oh they would be cute together because they could have cuuute babiiiies". I don't exclusively ship romantics relationship btw I've got some Friendship OTP. It's mostly gonna be between my OCs and my friends OCs but I've got some fictional ships. Not that much tho. Anyway relationships are important, romantics one may not be for us but they still are for other people even fictional characters and there's also a ton of other relationship. Shipping for me is just seeing that these relationships would probably have a positive impact on the characters and that's what matters.
  6. Gender Identity, Expression, and Presentation

    This is a very confusing issue for me, too. If you completely sever gender identity from biological sex1 and gender expression that is , you conceive it purely as an internal experience, the whole theory seems highly vulnerable to private language type arguments. The total severance with 1. results in puzzlement why we use words like “female” or “male” for gender. Severance regarding 2. is even graver, the whole concept runs the risk into becoming unintelligible. Let's say a firefighter, overcoming their fear by willpower, enters a burning industrial site to close a safety valve. This means that fear is not necessarily associated with the typical behavioral patterns like flight from danger. But if such situations wouldn't be an exception, how could we ever associate the word “fear” with this special, shared subjective experience of fear? How could we ever infer that we're talking about the same thing? Similarly if you cut all ties to anything empirically observable regarding words like “female”. 1 if you like it or not, it's SEX that's written in the passport. And I have no reason to doubt that they really do mean biological sex (as encountered in its most ”purified” form in textbooks about population genetics) here and they also really do believe it's the only game in town.
  7. I'm not really okay with kisses but I feel like it's the less worst. I hate hugs the most. It makes me so anxious and I don't understand how people could even like these kind of things. It makes me feel claustrophobic and really bad. I feel like there's no way for me to escape and it's triggering.
  8. I'm really glad this is helpful for you. Stick around in the community and chat with people. This is a good place. I think a lot of us wish that. Hoo boy. I denied who I was for 10 years of my adult life because of this fear, and it was very, very bad. Not only was I miserable and ill much of that time, but I also hurt a lot of people who cared about me both by doing what I thought I was "supposed" to and by just lashing out because I was dying inside. While denial can be a self-preservation mechanism for some people, for me it was just a tempest of destruction, and I deeply regret it. Honestly, this never happens, even for the most perfectly cis straight allos. It may appear to happen, but it's all a house of cards that'll come tumbling down eventually. No relationship is effortless, and if it seems that way, it's an illusion. The best relationships take effort, but you're glad to make the effort, because the relationship and that person are delightful. No, this is a real thing. Some people experience attraction but it disappears as soon as there's even a hint that it could become actualized. There's even a word for it. Hopefully else someone will chime in. What he did is terrible. It's okay to have and enforce personal boundaries, and you don't need excuses to do so.
  9. Gender Identity, Expression, and Presentation

    Hi! Your whole post, it me! I have some feelings about this in general, and about your post in particular. So, I mostly identify as agender. I'm AMAB, I use he/him pronouns (though I don't care if someone uses any others), and I have a rather masculine presentation. I have a big bushy beard and facial features that our society would generally consider rather masculine. I wear men's clothing, but I don't really go out of my way to find clothing that is masculine. If anything, my clothing could be described as "plain". I quite like my body, especially my facial hair. I do know women who are into feminine clothing BECAUSE it is feminine and because wearing it reinforces their female identity. But not all women are like that. Some women wear clothing that isn't feminine and look for other ways to reinforce or validate their feminine identity. The gender scripts fall apart quickest when you examine the assumption that they are universal, because they objectively, provably are not. For me, the separations between presentation and identity are really apparent, but I think that's because I am sensitive to them. While I know that pretty much everyone in our culture would consider my beard to be inherently masculine, and I even understand why people would assume that, I get VERY irritated with anyone who says so. In my mind, my beard is just hair, and it doesn't have a gender, and someone calling me or my beard "manly" is misgendering me. I don't really relate to men as being "like me" at all. Honestly, I find most men pretty gross, and most of my friends are women. Male-only spaces are toxic as hell, and being in them for me has the double discomfort of feeling like I'm in a place where I don't belong and feeling utterly disgusted at men who think it's okay to be nasty and misogynistic when no women are around. I've also found that many men CONSTANTLY seek validation of their masculinity from other men when no women are around, and not much makes me feel more dysphoric than that, so I avoid being alone with men. Long before I realized that I'm trans, I avoided male-only spaces or any event or activity that would be divided along gender lines because I was always uncomfortable in them, like social dances, sports teams, and the like. In large venues, I'd go out of my way to find less-used public bathrooms so I wouldn't have to be in the men's bathroom with other men. In college, I lived on the top floor of a dorm with no elevators, and I would pretty frequently go down to the first floor where no men lived and use the men's bathroom there because I knew it would be empty. And this was with people I knew, trusted, and (more or less) liked. I think most the examples of expressing gender outside presentation are behavior. For example, my favorite alcoholic beverage is single malt scotch, which is considered a manly drink. I don't care what its gender association is, I just think it tastes good. You'd be hard pressed to find any men who would admit that they like colorful fruity cocktails, because they are considered feminine drinks. It may not be the case any more, but when I was a kid, video games were considered a hobby for boys only (and even then, only nerdy boys who couldn't cut it as sports jocks). There are tons of gendered communication patterns, too. Men are way more likely to make confident assertive statements, while women offering suggestions are usually going to add conditionals or pose it as optional or questionable. These are all socially trained responses. When a friend discloses an emotional dilemma or stressful situation, the "masculine" response is to brainstorm for solutions (or just straight up give unsolicited advice) and the "feminine" response is to express sympathy. A lot of emotional labor is also gendered. My girlfriend in college often said that my willingness and skill with discussing emotional content with sensitivity was very feminine, and that it was usurping her role in our relationship. It also bothered her that a lot of my friends saw me as a good person to discuss sensitive emotional issues with, and that her friends didn't see her that way. I've often been told that my lack of aggressiveness and my calmness are "unmasculine", to which I sometimes respond "Go fuck yourself, I'll be passive and calm all I want. Is that masculine enough for you?" Personally, I think people can "observe" my gender identity in my behavior. Or I like to think so. I think most people probably don't see past my big beard. Men are supposed to be emotionally constipated, so I like to express warmth (though depression and my naturally monotone voice doesn't help with this). Men are supposed to be emotionally stunted, so I express emotional sophistication and awareness. Men are supposed to be lascivious and quick to anger, so I'm sexually reserved and slow to anger. Men are supposed to be incapable of nurturing, so I go out of my way to be nurturing. Maybe I'm the only one who sees these behaviors as a gender rebellion, but I'm the only one who needs to see it. The only way I present a lack of masculinity in my appearance is my long hair, but even that isn't the case in a lot of the subcultures I hang out in, like long hair is normal for men in metal music and in wilderness enthusiasts. As for privilege, I do admit I have it and benefit from it, especially when it comes to professional settings or situations where I feel unsafe. Sometimes I use it to subvert things, though. Like if I see men being misogynistic, I'll call them out on it and present myself as a "fellow man", because they're far more likely to take me seriously if they see me as "one of us". I've also found that a lot of men are more willing to take advice about cultivating emotional awareness and sensitivity from someone they think is a man. But on the other hand, sometimes my friends that I'm out to will dismiss my criticisms of their cisnormativity because I'm trans. While I support the current movement against toxic masculinity and cultivating images of masculinity that are healthy, I have no desire to participate in them and my support for them is always at a distance. Even if I liked men and masculinity, I'm still not male and I still don't want to be seen as such. I guess for me there is a little bit of a paradox in that I have a strong desire to be seen as not male, but I maintain a masculine appearance, and my acts of gender rebellion decidedly avoid altering my appearance. I think it's because the paradox isn't something I hold, it's something everyone else holds. My appearance is my appearance, it's not inherently masculine, and in fact, since it is MY appearance, it's NOT masculine, because I'm not male. Everyone else assumes it's masculine, and that's their problem. Though it is interesting to note that in my dreams, I have a much more androgynous appearance. That's never failed to fascinate me.
  10. First of all I super appreciate you for replying! I was starting to get nervous and wanted to take this down. What really gets me is the whole “...aromantics are notoriously poor judges of that sort of thing.” That’s why this is so frustrating. I wish I could jump into the mind of someone who experiences romance and feel what they feel to be able to compare it to my feelings. Polyamorous relationships have definitely been something that I’ve thought was a good fit for me, but I admit I don’t like to consider it an option. As open minded as I like to think I am, sometimes I’ll contradict myself/feelings like with this. I would definitely worry if my family ever asked. (They’re loving and accepting but extremely traditional. So like they wouldn’t like it but they wouldn’t hate me. But they’d most definitely see it as a sin). I generally don’t like talking about feelings so especially when relationships get brought up even in a nice manner it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’d rather listen to other peoples experiences than talk about my own. (As if I have any) With a poly relationship I think it would feel nice to experience a partnership at all and not feel like I have to be present all the time or feel as if a lot of pressure is on me to reciprocate feelings. At the same time I very much love monogamy. It would be perfect if I could find someone who was like a clone version of myself. I think my sudden urgency with all this is the fact that my love to be alone hasn’t diminished. Like I’ve said I hate how much I love to be alone. I’m worried one day I’ll just wake up and feel lonely. I’m scared of the day when a lot of people around me are settled down in someway and I’ll feel incomplete, somethings missing, or that I haven’t accomplished a goal in life that they have. Somewhere in my childhood I made the importance of marriage and family so great that now the lack of it makes me question what else there is to life. Obviously I know there is so much to live for. But I can’t seem to get my feelings and logic to meet. So I agree I think it would be a great idea to talk to a counselor. I’ve had one previously that I actually admired so much I caught myself wishing he was my father. Later on when I turned 18 and could no longer have him as my doctor I was not interested in starting over with a stranger. Now it seems very necessary. But what has held me back is the vulnerability again. I wish I could discover myself on my own but I definitely think I’ll need help. And honestly writing this out is giving me more green lights to make an appointment soon. I’m tired of not being confident in who I am. I’m glad to hear you recommend a therapist who specializes in queer identities. I thought about it but hearing someone else suggest it makes it seem like its a valid idea. I think that might be a little harder for me to do quietly though. So I might just go through a therapist through my insurance and ask them if they had specialist suggestions? My insurance is still connected with my family and I know therapy is confidential but idk it still makes me nervous. In regards to being able to still get that cliché adult life that I’ve thought would just come naturally to me. It definitely is something I want but even with communication I feel like I wouldn’t be able but to feel bad towards my partner that I didn’t “love” them? Like I could imagine I totally would but more in a family way than the romantic way. And I know there’s nothing wrong with that but it’s still something that would be harder for me to deal with. Also... tbh I don’t have a lot of people in my life that would understand. Or maybe I’m just assuming wrongly. I feel as though they wouldn’t take me seriously, would think its a phase (even though I’m an adult), or just wouldn’t want to be around me. I’ve been scared that if I’m honest with myself and others it would drive people away from me. My childhood was very much not “normal”. So I remember wishing when I grew up and was on my own I promised to myself to have a “normal” life. So my anger comes from the fact that I feel my “non-normalness” has followed me and I’m just waiting to grow out of it and shake it off. But I understand now that I’m older that adulthood doesn’t change me, just my responsibilities. Where I’m going with this is basically I thought IF I were to like somebody, they wouldn’t be interested in me because of something like this. Which is weird. Because I constantly ask myself why would I want to be with someone who couldn’t be understanding or accept me for who I am?! I’m baffled???? Thank you again it really helps to talk about this with someone within the community so that I can get the feedback I really need and haven’t reached out for before. Actually when I posted this it was the first night I told myself to stop being in denial. To stop trying to feel things I can’t feel. And to just explore ideas and to make sense to why I am the way I am so that I can figure out what I actually want. And not what I WANT to want. (also is it just on my end or are all my posts the text is much larger and taking up more space?) Thank you for responding! “Just pick a box.” God. My life in a nutshell. I can’t tell you how many times I just wished I was one way or the other. When my lack of interest was causing me to question my sexuality I just thought how much easier it would be to just be like “oh I’m gay thats what it is”. (Not saying that discovering you’re gay is easy.... definitely not.) But I felt like I was checking all boxes, no boxes, or wtf does this box even mean? I’ve taken so many sexuality quizzes online it’s crazy. For someone that knows they’re not an actual answer. For someone that doesn’t truly believe crushes were crushes. For someone that couldn’t relate to a list of feelings of “how you know you like someone”. I thought I hated nerves so much that my brain just decided to not feel them. And I thanked myself for it lol. As if my feelings were a choice I made. A switch i turned off so that I can save power for later. I guess I chose to believe that what I felt or didn’t feel was because I chose to feel or not feel it. And that’s why when I became older and was like... ok I’m ok to feel it now.... whens it coming?... Im waiting.... I thought I had broken myself. I know enough that you can’t choose emotions for sadness, anger, but for some reason not romance and intimacy. Why????? Probably because I wished that I was indeed broken and that it was fixable. I definitely agree communication is so important. I’d like to think I do well with communication. One day I had a palm reader tell me I would be judged for my honesty for the rest of my life. And I couldn’t agree with her more. HOWEVER! I also cut people out of my life maybe too(?) easily. I personally don’t think this is a problem but if I were to ever try to pursue a partnership with someone I could imagine being impatient and giving up before a bond could be formed. I feel if I have to try and exert myself too much it isn’t worth it. Thats why the idea of falling in love is ideal to me. There’s no trying. It just happens. I don’t fancy the idea of building something with someone. I guess it would be perfect if I were to have a relationship with someone that was like a best friend. But I already have a best friend and Ive never had more than one at a time. Also! This is pretty important the whole “me loving to be alone”. Honestly.... even if i were to fall in love someday..... i cant imagine being happy living with someone.... lol.... which is probably confusing because im so for the idea of marriage and kids.... idk? All of this ...love and marriage.... I WANT to want them. But when im home alone i WANT to be alone. When i sleep i WANT to sleep alone. Id rather live alone than have roommates. When dating approaches me irl I turn it down no hesitation or if I get the sense someone likes me I’ll stop talking to them. I KNOOW THAT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!! But i actually have been honest with one person about how I dont like relationships and told him I could never like him but he turned out to be a giant manipulator. He lied when he said he understood. And he wouldn’t stop making me uncomfortable. He’d call us hanging out dates. I said they weren’t and then he’d play victim. Then he took advantage of me when I was drunk. I don’t trust people to understand. So instead I get rid of them before they go too far. Btw I took your advice and looked into more identities with aro/romanticism and cupioromantic fits quite well as much as I hate to admit it. I do understand these things can be fluid and for the sake of being real here I hope it changes for me. But I’m just now trying to be ok with all this so maybe if I don’t change I’ll find ways to be happy that fit me. I’m realizing through all this that I need to treat myself as open-mindedly as I do other people. But unfortunately when it came to identities other than cis/het/whatever else is socially the norm I never allowed myself to think it could be me too. “Time constraints”.... ugh.... just like “picking a box” these two things make me lose sleep. When it comes to who I am I feel so out of control. I wish I could pick a box and I wish I could pick it asap. So these are all apart of acceptance for me. I need to stop feeling in a rush as if the end is near. And I need to get rid of the idea fed to me that you can’t live a good life unless you fit in the same box or a box at all for your entire existence. Thank you again so so so so much. I didn’t feel I belonged anywhere so I was really nervous coming here like “i don’t know whats going on, this seems to be what’s going on, but i dont like it”. I was afraid people would misunderstand and think I was hating on aromanticism. And for anyone else reading this who may have thought that.... i chose to just express myself not really worrying about filtering myself cause i wanted to know if someone out there could reassure me that i wasnt weird for not feeling comfortable with a possible identity. I was having a rough night coming to a slow acceptance of this and I felt everything clicked for me except for that fact that I wasn’t happy with my discovery. It seemed when a lot of people discover something like sexuality/identities they feel scared but relieved and comfortable. I felt cursed and all of it was very ironic considering my whole life, traditional marriage with kids was/is a huge deal. To be quite honest I feel as fluid as most people. But I weirdly hope for fluidity at least right now. What I mean by that is a gay man is most likely to be gay his whole life. But it’s not ruled out that he could fall in love with a woman. So my frustration is me literally just being like you’ve been like this since day one... I cant imagine you flipping the script during this lifetime. I’m the type that likes to know whats going on. But with this I feel like I have no idea. I wish romanticism was talked about as much as gender and sexuality. Because I can’t help but feel so broken because I can’t feel what most of the people on this planet feel easily. Sometimes way too easily lol. I thought I was lucky cause I was headstrong and didn’t give in to just anybody. My friends and family constantly make jokes with me that the first person I date I’ll marry. But now I don’t think I’ll find it as funny. Alright! I talk sad but I swear I’m not as sad as I sound. I’m still optimistic. I just like to be honest with myself. Thank you again! Talking about this to not only a person in general (lol im always going back and forth with myself) but people within the community is sooooo needed. 💕
  11. Gender Identity, Expression, and Presentation

    Gender can be such an abstract concept, and I think everyone's approaches to defining their gender varies a bit. I spent 4+ years very intensely questioning my gender before I came out to myself. I took a very prescriptive approach to defining my gender. I knew that transition would improve my quality of life, and what I wanted out of transition was ultimately very binary. My gender really ties to my relationship with my primary/secondary sex characteristics. My body was not designed to function with estrogen dominating its system, which made its impact on my emotions and on the shape of my body especially distressing. Before top surgery, my chest dysphoria was especially bad; it was actually what awakened me to the rest of my dysphoria that I navigated subconsciously up to that point. Turns out that I used to downright dissociate to cope with my estrogen-spurred crying fits in early puberty actually. I have experienced social dysphoria as well, but I think it tended to be secondary to the physical dysphoria. That said, I really don't ascribe to particularly masculine ideals of social function and actually quite value some of my more feminine-associated traits. If I were a brain in a jar, maybe I'd come off as non-binary, but that brain would still need testosterone as the dominant hormone for me to function, and that's the primary reason I would define my mind as male. This is just my approach to labeling myself though, and I would never impose this on others.
  12. Gender Identity, Expression, and Presentation

    For me it's kind of hard to explain. I've thought about my gender a lot from time to time, especially in connection with my orientation. I see myself as a girl, other people see me as a girl, and while I'm cool with whatever pronouns, she/her is what I'm used to and what I prefer. But while I suppose I identify as female, and I do feel connected to womanhood and femaleness in many aspects, in other ways I don't identify that strongly with womanhood. Part of that comes from my orientation and not feeling as connected to my gender, I guess, because of it. As for physical presentation, I mostly present myself anywhere from androgynous to the androgynous side of feminine, if that makes sense, but if I had my way I'd present a bit more androgynous all the time. Most of that is personal comfort/style preference/just the way I like to look and what I think flatters my body type (hyper-feminine clothing typically doesn't). As for other forms of expression, it gets a little complicated and a lot more subconscious and I've been thinking through it a lot. I don't associate the way I think, feel, or behave with my gender, and it bothers me when people tie my personality or mannerisms to my femaleness (especially because that's usually sexist). But I often catch myself behaving slightly differently around people depending on their gender and the way I want them to think of me. I especially notice this when I'm hanging around guys. I think this comes from my orientation rather than my gender, because guys are much more likely to perceive me as a potential romantic interest or a threat to their existing relationships, and I want to avoid that, even if that means playing into the idea of being "not like other girls," as problematic as that line of thinking can be. Mostly, my identity and expression of gender are tied to my orientation and the way I want others to perceive me in all aspects, not just in my gender. I want people to see me as a girl, but I want that to not matter. I am a girl, but I don't want me being a girl to come with additional baggage that I have to keep working to cast overboard the more I get to know someone.
  13. Shipping

    Actually, you know, you and your community are fetishizing mlm relationships. Mlm are tired of being treated this way by mostly teenage girls and ready for y'all to knock it off. I can find some quotes breaking this down into better detail if you want, but I had to get it out
  14. Hi all, I've been having some gender identity trouble lately because of some misunderstanding and confusion over some of the concepts associated with gender. In sum (TL;DR), I can't think of examples of how gender identity can be expressed outside of presentation and would love input. I identify with many experiences of females because I have presented as a female from birth. However, I do not feel intrinsically connected to the female identity or to females in general. I connect to personalities. I won't feel connected to a woman just because she is a woman (supposedly "like me"). I will feel connected to her if she shares some of my interests, though, or experiences and history. So, great, I don't identify with womanhood. But, I really enjoy a lot of traditionally feminine things, including many so-called 'girly' fashions. To me, they're just cool or pretty, and I don't have an interest in them because I want to express a female gender identity. But I'm not sure if women in general think about explicitly expressing their womanhood when doing these things either. Furthermore, many people who identify as female don't even engage in these things and can be more butch. I look like a traditional cis female and have their privilege, especially because I am impartial to pronoun use for me (if people assume I'm female and use "she" to refer to me in conversation, I likely won't mind). But if someone were to come up to me and explicitly say, "You identify with women and the female gender, and you feel a part of the female gender coalition" or something to that effect, I feel like that description would be inaccurate for me. Pronouns and presentation can be very important for some people. I think that knowing this makes it difficult for me to reconcile my ??? gender identity and highly feminine presentation, even though I /know/ they are completely separate. I guess I'm looking for a bit about everyone's experiences with gender identity and how they express it (through presentation but, perhaps more relevant to my dilemma, through other ways).
  15. Late and End of Life for Single Aros

    I think a lot of these issues apply to anyone who lives alone, for whatever reason. Though aros do have some specific issues involving their friendships disappearing as their allo friends get married and start ignoring all other interpersonal relationships. I'm in my 30s and most of my friends from college can't even be bothered to respond to texts or emails or Facebook messages any more, and I long ago gave up on ever trying to hang out with them, since most of them are too busy shuttling their children around and/or working 60+ hours a week. Gender dynamics change as you get older, too. Older men who have never married usually face a greater threat of isolation, since they are often seen as untrustworthy or dangerous (there's a twisted logic where observers assume that they must have never married because they are untrustworthy or unstable, otherwise they would have married, because clearly nobody would CHOOSE not to get married). Older single women are often seen as vulnerable, and while this can draw predators, it also draws people willing to help, and it's easier for adult women to make friends, at least in the US. As for issues regarding living alone, I started considering this in my early 20s when I first lived alone. I fell off my bicycle one day and injured my knee, and during the night while I slept, the bruising became much worse. When I got out of bed the next morning, the moment I put weight on that leg, the pain was utterly blinding. I quickly found myself flat on the floor, and as I was wracked with searing pain, I noticed that my heart was racing and my skin was clammy and I felt freezing cold, and I thought I was going into shock. I realized nobody would come looking for me for days or weeks. My college friends had all graduated and moved away and hadn't bothered to stay in touch, and I'd made it very clear to my family that I was not interested in chatting with them every day the way they wanted me to. Luckily, I didn't go into shock, and I was able to crawl to my phone and call an acquaintance I hadn't spoken to in months to come get me and take me to an urgent care facility. But after that, I really thought for a while about how to handle this kind of thing. I think it can be good to establish relationships with people who are willing to check on you if they don't hear from you, but also respect your privacy and need for solitude. Ideally this person would be someone who also lives alone and you could reciprocate those actions. I've met a number of divorced women in their 50s and 60s who often check on each other and help each other when issues arise. Of course, all this requires establishing relationships with people who live near you who are willing to actually devote at least a little time to interacting with you regularly, which I've found to be damn near impossible in this suburban wasteland.
  16. It's ok to be confused. Hell knows we've all been there at some point - frustrated and angry at ourselves and the world for not "just picking a box!." I might be saying things you already know, but I do want to remind you that people and identities can be complex and can even change over time and circumstances. You will figure this out, and try not to be too hard on yourself along the journey. With regards to romantic attraction, now that's an enigma. @Eklinaar said it well. We may not be the best people to understand it. But I do know that one thing I've found common in a lot of our advice is Communication. Building relationships takes time and effort, and sometimes our expectations of what something will be like will be shattered, making us feel empty or wrong. That doesn't mean your relationships are doomed to fail, or that you don't actually have attraction for someone necessarily, but it does mean that you need to work with the other person to define your relationship as you want it. You might not fit the 'traditional movie mould,' but I've found that a lot of people don't. It's ok if you don't like some parts of what is traditionally viewed as part of romance (e.g., kissing). It's ok to not feel a 'spark' and be instantly in love or romantically attracted to someone but still marry them and raise a family. The cool thing about life is that you get to define what your behaviours mean and what your labels are. If you're finding that you don't quite fit anywhere, maybe you haven't found the right description yet. That can be incredibly frustrating but you are under no time constraints, I assure you. If you communicate openly with your partner (e.g., "I'm not really sure about this whole romantic orientation thing but I do know I want to do x, y, and z with you") I think that you can have the space to think on things while still enjoying benefits of a relationship or multiple relationships. Your identity is yours and doesn't necessarily dictate your behaviour. Your behaviour is what other people are most concerned about, so as long as you know what you want in that domain, you can have successful relationships. Thank you for coming by and sharing with us, even when you're confused and in crisis. Vulnerability is hard, and you're awesome for talking to us about it. I know that the internet has things like masterlists of romantic orientations (we do as well, in the Welcome section of these forums). I have found that those are sometimes a good place to start, because they include subtleties you might not get in the bigger umbrella terms. Maybe there is something there close to your experience, or something that can point you to what part of your experience is the most significant factor to you and your identity. And feel free to talk more with us or with a counsellor to bounce off ideas and find out what makes all of your past experiences and feelings similar. What's in common, you know? I wish you luck and send enormous virtual hugs and comfort. Please take care.
  17. While I sympathize with your confusion, you're really the only one who can answer any question about what you are and what you want. A lot of the experiences you have shared sound like some kind of attraction or another, but us aromantics are notoriously poor judges of that sort of thing. It's still possible to get married and have children as an aromantic, as long as you and your partner communicate about your feelings and desires. I've certainly known people who got married and had children together because they wanted to raise a family, but weren't attracted to each other. It also sounds like you're into more than just the mainstream model of marriage, so that's something to consider. Polyamorous people, for example, can still get married to only one person and have children exclusively with that person if that's what they want, and have other intimate relationships as well. I know a lot of poly people who essentially live the television suburban life with their cohabiting partner, white picket fence, big house, SUV to take the kids to soccer practice, and then pursue their other desires in other relationships. It's also possible to engage in romantic relationships as an aromantic. For me, romantic relationships get better with time, if my partner is understanding about how attraction and intimacy work for me. But it takes lots of time. I always start off feeling very awkward and uncertain, and I mostly just ride my partner's enthusiasm and interest vicariously. As long as I'm enjoying our conversation (food helps) and our values are compatible, I can usually have a good time. Eventually (after months or even a year), I start feeling attached to them, and then I feel like I'm actually engaging in the relationship, even if I don't feel romantic attraction. Also, I've worked really hard at cultivating strong communication skills so I can contribute to building the relationship. I guess that's always been the big difference between me and alloromantics. Alloromantics "fall in love", I build attachment. It's not for everyone, but it has worked for me a few times. But whatever the case may be for you, it sounds like you'd benefit from exploring yourself. Have you considered counseling? I've found that trained therapists are really good at guiding this sort of thing. A therapist who focuses on queer identities might be a good fit.
  18. What to do? Is it wrong?

    Could you explain what this has to do with aromanticism? What you've shared so far just sounds like you're having issues with communication and trust in your marriage. I'd advise couples counseling, but beyond that, this is the wrong forum for that kind of thing. If your orientation is part of your considerations here, then we'd be happy to discuss it.
  19. Yesterday
  20. What to do? Is it wrong?

    Huh..? I'm not sure what you're asking here. Are you saying you think you might be aro, or just debating whether to divorce your wife? This is a forums for people who don't experience romantic attraction (or at least not often, or in the same way as others, depending on their place on the spectrum) and many of us don't understand or want romantic relationships at all, so if you're just looking for regular relationship advice, this is probably not the place you want to be. Good luck, though, I guess..?
  21. Shipping

    I don't understand shipping. I prefer to fanaticize about characters breaking up and living a carefree life on their own.
  22. Hello, today I bring wonder... and opinions... As you can tell I am a guy... I have run into a certain problem a couple times... I have been married for (x<6) years. I met my wife in HS dated and eventually got married. Of course what marriage is perfect but I ran into problems. she couldn’t trust me (I would either be with her, at work, or with my best friend which I would send pics of to show her I wasn’t doing anything), would always cause me of cheating, we would fight everyday, and go on spurts where we wouldn’t even talk to one another. So one day I had enough said we were getting divorced and I had enough. After about a month of fighting, I decided I still had feelings for her. So we got back together and things seemed to get better. But during the month apart I had met someone but the person ended up was dating some. Anyways it kind of opened up mu eyes on the world. My wife was one of the first actual relationships. I was and am still young. Anyways back to the issue. I find myself questioning my marriage. Was it because she was one of my first “true love” or do I actually love her... i run into people that that I work with or old friends and it feels like I can be myself around them, I feel as if I wasn’t married that things would work out (hyperthetically speaking) better then things are now in my situation. I catch myself, getting to close to people but it feels as if it feels more right with them than my own marriage. Now I know you’re gonna go back and say hey your wife was right to think your cheating but I swear on the Bible I have not once cheated. I am a talkative person when I make friends. So what is some advice you can give?
  23. You might be aro if...

    When you thought all this time your standards were just incredibly high 🙄
  24. I grew up having that weird “i feel different” feeling that a lot of people explain in youtube videos when they come out as gay. I’ve struggled with it for so long that I’m just annoyed and exhausted with myself. I find it frustrating that out of all people shouldn’t I know myself better? Why is it years of questioning and researching for comfort and I still can’t find it? I’m tired, and sometimes I just want to toss any confusion aside and just live day by day. But as a human who needs more I can’t seem to give up finding an answer. Here’s how I’ve analyzed my life so far. (Rn others in my life and I think of me as a straight female.) (Another thing.... getting married and having kids was a verryyyy important thing for me since i was sooo little... it gave me hope for the future.... and through my writing it might get more pessimistic and its because i feel like thats getting further away from me the more i discover myself? So please bare with me im in the middle of a crisis where the thing i want the most in life might be more obtainable in theory and daydreams and not really something i want irl) (Im a sucker for romance so this sucks for me lol) Starting from my elementary days I had crushes.... I think? Kindergarten: He ran fast.... I wished I could run faster. Nothing else. Honestly don’t think i even wanted to be friends... he was a trouble maker. First Grade: He was cute. That’s all. He touched me at recess one time and made me cry. So for the longest time I wondered if there was some sort of trauma to explain everything. (But I’m not asexual.... and I’m not afraid of sex. I’m very sex positive. However I am a virgin. Cause I thought I would save myself for someone I dated.) 3rd-5th grade: Off and on crush on very close guy friend? If i think about this... I think I liked him because my other friends liked him. I was afraid of losing any closeness or priority as a friend so if I analyze it now I think I became upset that our friendships with each other changed so I became more possessive? Never initiated anything though. It just became a thing that all of us liked him at one point in those years. (Omg i cant believe i almost forgot! The most I ever liked a guy was in fourth grade. He was cute and a year older. I told my friends I loved him. Talked to him maybe once. Honestly might have been the most I liked a guy?) 6th grade: oh goodness... the most obvious time in my life to figure out I was “different”. Maybe I should say now that whenever I’ve said “like” it was more like I found the person attractive. As I write this I’m finding myself silly because I honestly can’t understand/relate to how else you could like someone???? Like you find them cute, funny, nice, but whats the other thing? What am I missing out on?!?! Looool I honestly don’t know if I’ve felt romantically towards someone... wow. Ok anyhow... I moved and there was a boy in my gym class I found cute. Thats it. If anything else he scared me. He was older than me and at that school it was not common for grades to mix butttt SOMEHOW! Idk if I stared at him I can’t remember but one day randomly at lunch he came up to me with a group of his friends and asked me out. I was sat with a friend terrified and felt sick.... No butterflies just nausea. I said no and his friends and him laughed and he said something dumb like “well i didnt want to go out with you anyway”. I have no idea if he liked me and was taken aback or he was tryna embarrass me if I said yes. I couldn’t understand why I said no cause I thought I liked him... he was cute and older after all. Pretty soon after there was another boy, this time in my grade I found cute. Through friends I think they played messenger and decided we were dating? Same day i see him at our after school club. We had never talked but that day he happily walked up to me and I felt scared and guilty. I needed to think of a way to get out of it. I think I ended up playing like “Omg I had no idea people set us up but sorry I don’t like you like that but lets be friends!” typa bullshit. He was pretty mad and honestly I understand. I remember seeing him in the hallways when i was late to school and nobody was around I smiled and waved to him and he totally blew me off. Again understandable and of course I felt bad and embarrassed and what not but relief overpowered all other feelings. But again I wondered why I kept doing this. I wanted a boyfriend didn’t I?!?!?!? Moved schools same year: Had a crush(?) on four guys? •One was a bad boy and cute we hung out sometimes, he was cool. •One was taken (lol sometimes I think I want things I can’t have) I think I found the fact that he was boyfriend material attractive? Like it made him seem mature? •One was very boyish and cute and funny... boy next door type. •And then a boyfriend..... *gasp* yes.... it happened.... very weirdly but it happened. It was near the end of the year and I knew I was moving away so I think I felt I had nothing to lose. Now or never typa thing. We square danced together so I held his hand. Decided he was cute and very nice. Told my friend. And she took me to him after school one day and said to him “do you want to date her she likes you”. Poor boy was so confused and put on the spot but said yes. Once again I was terrified and felt sick but might have been excited too. It had finally happened. What I remember most is me trying to avoid him though. I found every excuse to not see him so I really don’t have much to say about him. One time we were watching a movie in class and he wanted to sit together but there was not enough desks in the row. I was all like “I don’t know I think we’ll get in trouble even though I really want to sit together (LIES).” But my friends thinking they were helping me out bless their hearts we’re all like, “No it’s ok you can share a chair or one of us can go somewhere else.” And I was just panicking and being like no I don’t want anyone to leave. LUCKILY! My teacher was all like ok movie starting young man go sit over there. RELIEFFFFFFFFFFF OMG. Last day of school I hugged him for the first time and broke the news that I was moving. He was pretty upset. Sometime that weekend he texted me and I think he was mad and asked me if I liked someone else loooooooooool no way. I remember bragging to my cousins though cause I was the first to have a boyfriend.... I felt so grown.... but it didn’t make me happy and I just felt gross bragging about my fake feelings. 7th-8th grade: •He was cute, funny, and popular. Loved talking to him cause we laughed a lot together. I could imagine myself getting jealous if he dated someone. I don’t think he ever did. But I liked him decently. •He was cute and older. That’s all. Never talked. •He was cute and our friend group played basketball every lunch. Never really talked to him. He was shy. Highschool.... oh god.... a mess... lol Freshman year.... In highschool I was becoming more aware and annoyed with myself. So naturally I began to question my sexuality. A bit into freshman year my best friend got her first boyfriend. I was nooooottt happy. For many reasons. I felt she was desperate, he was our friend, other people found out before ME, and she spent less time with me and more time with him. I believe now that most if not all my being upset was caused by this new territory of friends getting into relationships. Like most people (and i cannot understand to this day) they prioritize spending time with their s/o over their best friends?????? I definitely felt like the second choice. And to top it off somewhere in the mess I cried to myself in the shower thinking I was bisexual and in love with my best friend. Bisexual didn’t feel fitting. So I decided to throw it away cause I didn’t “want to be like that”. As if it was a choice??? To this day I cant say for sure if the only feeling was jealousy? And through the rest of high-school I realized I didn’t like relationships. One time i found out through a friend that a good guy friend of mine liked me. I told her to tell him I had a boyfriend. (I didn’t) And sadly we were no longer good friends. My last year of high school I was still exploring sexualities AND now gender. Jesus.... messy messy I thought I was pansexual I thought I might be transgender and thats why I couldn’t feel things “properly”. Because there might have been a bigger issue to address before I could express myself through relationships? Gender wasn’t as big as an issue but I find it veryyyy necessary to bring that up because thats just how confused and desperate I was for an answer. I couldn’t find it anywhere in plain site. And I thought it very possible that something was holding me back from relationships whether it was denial, identity, or trauma. But like I’ve mentioned gender identity wasn’t really an issue and it didn’t feel like trauma followed me. I understand that I was sick and terrified on many occasions but it wasn’t related to a traumatic experience. So denial???? Maybe I should explore that more... My first kiss. He was cute I guess, a bad boy, a mutual friend. He played around. I found that comforting. I think more people here would understand why... no strings attached kinda thing? I could flirt with him but just for fun without worrying about hurting him. I think deep down I knew what I was doing had no serious intentions. We were in the car with friends. I think I had properly met him that night. We drove around in the dark going nowhere. My best friend beside me in the back. Her ex (our friend) who I’ve mentioned was driving. And boy in the passenger seat in front of me. He put his hands back to reach me and I played with his fingers for a while. It was nice and fun. When we we were ready to go home we dropped him off first.... weirdly he offered to drop me off. So I said sure and I got out of the car and into his while my friends were just asking me over and over again “are you sure? We can drop you off.” I said yeah no worries. They sounded anxious and I guess I found out why. We ended up driving along side each other and they looked back at us and the boy grabbed my hand and held it up for them to see. I’m still not nervous or anything I actually felt nothing at this point. We get to my house and he pulls my face to him i make out a muffled/squeaky “nooooooo” but then he kissed me. I felt nothingggggggg it was so disappointing. All I could do was look at him and smile cause I didn’t want things to get uncomfortable but I knew I wouldn’t continue anything with him. But I guess he took my look as me wanting another kiss so he kissed me again and I leaned into it with expectations..... no fireworks. My first kiss felt wasted. I said bye and I went into my empty house and cried. I was tired of this. From feelings of being sick and scared to now I just don’t feel anything? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just figure it out. I wondered if gay people were this confused. That they just really couldn’t find an answer. Next thing I know My best friend is calling and I roll my eyes knowing the boy must have texted them to tell them he kissed me. I think he knew how virgin I was and prided himself in being my first kiss. Asshole... I know I wasn’t his type. But whatever. I pick up the phone and my best friend just asks me “are you ok?”.... She finds out I’m crying through my voice and tries to comfort me. I told her I’m just being dumb and we’ll talk later cause I’m tired. Then I get a text from the boy. I think he apologizes and asks if i want to talk. Knowing him now I don’t think this was more than a guilty obligation from him... or my paranoid self thinking he’ll get me to confess something. And I kind of did. I told him how I felt nothing and was frustrated and It wasn’t his fault and I’m not mad at him. I remember bringing up the possibility that I was asexual but I don’t think I really believed that myself. From then on I regretted saying something so vulnerable to someone who immediately shared my first kiss through a group chat. So I have no clue if that conversation ever got back to my friends as well. But no one ever said anything. Once again I gave up... I was so done. I thought maybe I just wasn’t ready for a relationship. But I knew I wanted nothing more than to one day finally fall in love and have a family that I always dreamt of. The idea kept me here on earth a lot of the time. I wanted to make it to that day. College: For a while a friend and I played with the idea of sugar daddies. I think she was mostly for money. And I was mostly for experimenting with a relationship, money, and possibly sex. I know a lot of you might have lost any respect you might have had for anonymous me. But I think if you’re here you already have open minded thoughts of love and sex and hopefully you can respect mine as much you respect your own. I live life my best with my main goal being to love others and not hurt anyone. So sip on that if you wanna judge me for considering being a sugar baby. And no I wouldn’t be a home wrecker. It’s appealing to me because there would be no feelings involved (if there was im outtie), he gives me money and spoils me, I’m about that, and sex..... I want sex casually... but with something like this there’d definitely be a lot more variables to consider. If I were to somehow change and fall in love with someone I would have totally different standards and wouldn’t expect or pine out for materials. Idk.... maybe I’m in a bad a desperate place... but it doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me. A dangerous thing yes pretty likely... but morally I don’t think that makes me an evil or disgusting person. It’s a two way thing... part of the titles. Anyhow.... I doubt I would ever... but I think it might be a significant thin to bring up. Back to college things Met a guy. He said he liked me. I said i liked him back. But i lied. I was just curious. Another now or never thought. I had fun with him though. But never developed feelings. Luckily he became busy so we started seeing each other less and it just gradually died. Then there was a girl.....ugh.... haha So we had a class together and I had known of her but didn’t talk until an outside of class fundraiser thing. I found her supppperrr cute and funny and she made me blush! That rarely happens. I found myself decently attracted to her and I think I would consider that a pretty genuine crush?! But.... two main things really kept me away from it.... one thing being she was a girl... the other i wont mention. So in my head i deemed it impossible. But someone explain to me how to differentiate a squish and a crush? Whats the difference between romantic attraction and physical attraction. What is it like to have love feelings for someone? After this i feel like a lot of you may think well maybe you’re a super closeted lesbian.... i don’t think so. I fantasize about being married to a man with kids not a woman. And here I am. For some reason... nothing has really happened. But I just started becoming increasingly worried that I really am aromantic. Something I’ve pondered on since high school. Thinking with how my life has been it makes total sense that I’m aromantic. But i still cant help but think maybe I haven’t met the right person. But I’m afraid I’ll be thinking that till the day I die. How does one know for sure? This isn’t like knowing whether you like boys or girls. It’s wondering if I can feel something I’ve never felt. Because if I can’t then that changes everything. I’ll never marry? Never have kids? The ideal was to marry someone I’m madly in love with and have kids together. I’m not interested in marrying a friend. I don’t want to raise kids with someone I’m not in love with. Why do I feel alone in this? I feel like a lot of people are ready to raise a flag of colors that they feel proud to represent cause they’ve found and accepted themselves. I will never be proud of being aromantic. I’ll be proud and happy for others but not myself. This isn’t and will never be what I want. Why is it that the only thing I desperately wanted in life is something I can’t even FEEL. I hate how much I want to be alone. It’s been only recently that I’m starting to feel lonely. I just hope I’m wrong. I hope I haven’t found the right person. Even though I’ve never been in search of them. How do you find love when you don’t even want to look for it. And when it stands in front of me I want nothing to do with it. It confuses me because I absolutely love romance in theory, but when I think about myself falling in love it just doesn’t feel right.... or even possible for that matter. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. No one can know how I feel but me. And what am I suppose to expect when I’m basically whining about how I don’t want to be the way I am. But I just can’t seem to know whether this is denial or confusion. The only person who could really know who I am is me. But I don’t.
  25. Where are you from?

    I live somewhere in the SE corner of Queensland, Australia. Other than some lovely beaches and scenery and maybe something else, I don't think there's anything really all that axciting where I live.
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