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  1. Today
  2. CheeseOverlord

    Coming out stories!

    When I first came out as aro to my friend, she thought I was joking at first, and had to ask for clarification the next day (I have trouble sounding sincere). Once I told her that I was being serious, she didn't seem surprised, and was really supportive She also probably came out to more people for me than I did, which was kind of weird, but she was really happy for me, and it was easier than me doing it myself, so I didn't mind. She already knew about aromanticism too, so she didn't misrepresent me. I made sure to explain it myself when I came out as grey-ace though, as that's a bit more complicated. I'm still not out to my parents though. I think that they'll support me, but it just hasn't come up yet.
  3. Yesterday
  4. A boy at my school likes me, what do I do ;-;
  5. I filled out the form a few days ago but haven't gotten the questionnaires.
  6. Yeah, I think you're probably right @Tagor. Also, women talk a lot more about their emotions than men in general, I reckon; romance being just one aspect of that. Conversely, a man might get the idea that he is unusually romantic and none of his friends are particularly romantic, as they hardly ever talk about their romantic feelings (even if they have them). Similarly, if he isn't particularly romantic himself, he may grow up thinking that he is perfectly normal in this regard i.e. think that his male friends don't talk about romantic feelings because they also don't have them (rather than because of make socialization and gendered expectations, which strikes me as a much more likely explanation). So it might take him far longer to come to the conclusion that he is unusual in some way and explore aromanticism. I actually don't think men are inherently any less romantic than women. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if they were inherently more romantic! And if women were instead evolutionarily biased to take more 'pragmatic' factors into consideration when selecting mates (with pregnancy being a short-term survival risk, it could be comparatively more important for women to (probably sub-consciously) take such 'un-romantic' factors as men's social status into account when selecting sexual partners?)
  7. I did a poll some while ago about the gender distribution here on the forum. Apparently, there are twice as many females here than males. This result was also reproduced by a study I saw on tumblr some while ago. Since then I've been wondering if this is something which inherent to aromanticism or if it is just a sampling bias. Right now, my theory is that it is a sampling bias caused by women talking more often about love with their friends. If this is true, it might lead to an increased psychological strain because of not being able to contribute anything to the conversation and just realizing more easily that something is "off", resulting in a higher proportion of women actually investigating about aromanticism. But I don't have any experience with this. I can just say for myself that I personally basically never talk about love with my friends (but this could also just be because all of my friends are nerds) and only looked into aromanticism because of curiosity as I didn't think it would matter much if I was aromantic.
  8. @honeybug It does sound like you could be aro. You may be young, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings. You can identify as aro, if you want, and change it later, based on if your feelings change in time. Do what's best for you.
  9. I'm not sure about that. It's true that some people value the idea of not having sex before marriage, but at the same time, if you say to someone you're still virgin while you're an adult, they'll think there is something wrong with you. I always think society is very ambiguous about that : they condemned sex, but at the same time, they oversexualized eveyrthing, and being virgin is taboo. I saw a show who invited people who don't like sex, and a lot of people said that they were not a couple if they don't have sex, that it was like being friend with the person… They also say they just lack of self-confidence, some people even say that a girl who dated a guy was in fact lesbian just because she wasn't sexually attracted to him. Even the host asks her if they see a therapist… Of course, there were people to defend them and say that sex doesn't equal love (and somehow show that they value love more than sex with words like "love is a wonderful and powerful thing, you can reduce it to sexual attraction"...). But in general, most of people didn't understand how you can be in a couple and Don't want sex. And even in the case of people who wait till marriage, there is still they expectation that they'll have sex once day. And except in a religious context, I saw a lot of people say that waiting till marriage was weird in the 21 century... So yeah, non-romantic sexual relationships are more demonized; but I Don't think that non-sexual romantic relationships are seen as positive and not taboo.
  10. How am I being a 'bad' (possibly) aro person? 2 ways: I got burned the one time I actually tried dating a guy, and my parents' marriage isn't healthy, so I might have just developed a negative view of romantic relationships from personal experience I still have ships I consume fanworks of, particularly the one I haven't managed to let go of with all the in-universe problems
  11. In some ways "become aromantic" is the more complex situation. Since it requires addressing what someone was before along with how and when that got changed. Another possibility would be that everyone is "born aromantic" and it's alloromantics who have "become that way"... Though it does appear that many people are aware of their romantic (and sexual) orientations from a fairly young age. Which rather implies these are inate. This has similar "What were they before?" issues. In practice so called "conversion therapy" seems only effective for inducing PTSD. Regardless of if the intent is to make LGBT people straight or autistic people neurotypical.
  12. Three parts, volumes or (even) separate books. Or it could exacerbate this. I think your "basics" needs to include the split attraction model and the assumption of periorientation. Covering how the two are often conflated. e.g. "marriage equality" being about romantic rather than sexual orientation. Similarly amantonormativity is more about romance than sex. Probably you also need to cover and debunk aro (and ace) stereotypes. In a broader sense than pathologisation and research. It's also possible that arophobia is being conflated with singleism in research. There's things like non-romantic sexual relationships being highly taboo whereas non-sexual romantic relationships often are not. Especially when it comes to religious people and children. Where they can be seen highly positively.. The ability to enguage in "romantic coded" activities outside of romantic relationships is also likely to be a lot more applicable to aros than aces. To aro aces potentially this may only apply to non sexual romantic coded activities. With the complication that some of these, e.g. kissing and physical affection in general can be considered sexual, sensual or romantic. Is "Expressing Sexuality" intended to cover expressing sexuality without romance?
  13. heya, so i'm in a bit of a pickle: ever since grade 1, (i'm in the further part of middle school) i've never had a crush. everybody my age seems to have at least one, and i can just never relate to that. even when i was in kindergarden, the most that happened was that i thought kids were cute or nice, but i've never had the childish desire to, for example, "marry them". i don't mind holding hands or anything but kissing always sounded kinda gross to me. i thought i was homoromantic (i'm ace) and relationships sound, fun i guess, but i've never fallen in love or was able to even if i've had people have crushes on me. help?
  14. off topic but after i relapsed with self harm i asked my roommate to take my blades (and the one from the blender, in case).  it was uncomfortable but i'm kind of proud of myself.  you have to make deliberate decisions to heal.

    1. NullVector

      NullVector

      It's good that you have friends like that. I think it's really important to recognise that we can't do everything by ourselves (actually, it may be unhealthy to tell ourselves that we can, particularly when trying to make positive changes in our lives to do with breaking old habits?) and to feel able to ask for support from other people. Even (especially?) when it feels awkward to do it.

       

      Now I just need to try taking my own advice there more, hah.

  15. aro_elise

    Hello

    wow, that is a short amount of time to come to such a profound realization, even if you're not certain about it, and i don't mean that in a bad way at all. it took me about a year from the time i first heard the term and thought it seemed right to the time i accepted it. (i'm 20 now, too, btw.) but what you described does sound like aromanticism to me. i think what may be tripping you up is the same thing a lot of allos (non-aromantics) tend to focus on, which is thinking only about romantic love, i.e. falling in love, being madly in love, finding your true love, that kind of movie stuff, as opposed to romantic attraction, which isn't necessarily that monumental; it could simply be crushes. that is to say, yes, almost everyone our age has experienced some kind of romantic attraction, and if you haven't, you're probably aro. btw, the non-romantic version of a crush (generally platonic feelings) is called a squish. when this coincides with sexual attraction, i personally call it an aro crush. and of course there can be sexual attraction on its own. and you don't even have to have had one relationship to be able to identify as aro, never mind more than one. you don't have to be a certain age, and you don't have to question for a certain length of time. if you feel like you're aro, that's enough. i had one relationship, which began several months after i'd started questioning (mostly denying) and ended a couple months after i'd decided to id as aro (and told him). it just reinforced my suspicions; if not for it, i don't know how my discovery process would have gone. i've been single for almost three years and i'm very confident in my identity. good luck discovering yours.
  16. Spirit of God

    Hi!

    @Katto Hi! Welcome to Arocalypse! There's an infinite amount of here, so take what you want!
  17. Last week
  18. Katto

    Hi!

    Hi! I’m Katto! I just joined here, because I heard about Arocalypse on AVEN. Nice to meet you guys! I’m asexual/aromantic.
  19. Kürtőskalács

    Anyone living in Scandinavia?

    I live in Malmö!
  20. Yes, you definitely can. Sensual attraction is a type of attraction separate from the romantic one. Just because you want to cuddle, hug, and hold a person's hand, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a crush on them.
  21. Kürtőskalács

    Other languages!

    Ah, languages 💜 I'm native in Finnish and I speak English fluently. I have a B2 level (upper intermediate) in French and Swedish, and I've lived in Norway so I know a bit of that too (Swedish and Norwegian are really similar). I'm conversational in Hungarian and I've studied tons of languages. Right now I'm taking a course in Georgian and I think I'll study some Wolof and/or Mandinka as I'm planning to spend some time in West Africa soon.
  22. Kürtőskalács

    Hello

    So I guess I just want to talk about my recent "aro awakening" anonymously and I suppose this is where I should do it. Basically it was only two days ago it even crossed my mind I could be aro (I'm 20). I'm still not completely sure about it but the label feels right so I suppose I'm doing some experimenting now, for example by writing about this. I never even considered the possibility because I reallly like romance. Like I like reading about it, I like movies about it and so on. I'm even in a long term relationship (3 years and counting), so aromanticism wasn't really something I thought would fit me. However, a while ago I realised aros can like romance and the idea of it. So I started examining my situation a bit more. I have never told this to anywhere and it's the main reason I want this to be anonymous: I don't love my boyfriend romantically. It broke my heart to realise it, because I really love him in other ways and I'm very happy in our relationship. The realisation was like 1,5 years ago but as both him and I were/are happy in our relationship I didn't want to do anything about it. The only things I would like to change about him or our relationship are minor (apart from the fact that I wish I loved him like he loves me) and I know I will probably never find anyone as caring and genuinely good-hearted as him. However, I haven't thought about the aro aspect too much until now, I just thought it was him I couldn't love. I still don't know which one is the case, really. Then now, two days ago, I started thinking about my other experiences. I always thought my crushes were forced, too light and too easily born. Sometimes I had never talked to a person and still claimed to have a crush on them, and these crushes would change very often. So now that I think about it, I'm fairly sure I've been confusing sexual attraction and crushes. As said, I really like romance and I've wanted relationships since a young age but once when I was 12 I realised something quite weird. I realised if almost any guy (I thought I was straight) in the class would show any interest in me, I'd go for it. I was confused because it's a very popular theme in media to have the main character choose between true love and convenience, and I couldn't really relate to that as I was basically ready to date almost anyone. Even then I realised I was really young so I just blamed it on my age. However, I don't think that has changed much. Even with my boyfriend, while my love/attachment for him has grown as I've spent all this time with him, I don't really think what I thought was a crush has evolved into anything more, let alone romantic love. I always thought I had fallen out of love, but now that I think about it I don't think I ever was in romantic love. At least in the way other people seem to describe it. Which leads to the last point of my examining. I've never really experienced the things people use to explain romantic love (unless it's things that fit other types of love too, eg being willing to sacrifice a lot or even die for someone). So I am fairly sure I've never been in romantic love. However, I'm quite young so I don't know if most people my age even have really been in romantic love (and now I'm not saying no person my age or younger can be sure about being aro/ace, it's just about me personally!). I feel like it's very unlikely to find ""the right one"" this young I find it weird how most TV/movie "true love" couples are like teens or young adults. I don't know if it's a) just me being aromantic b) me being unlucky and that most people do actually find real romantic love this early c) the shows/movies just want romance with people in a "sexy" age / they're trying to appeal to the young audience, so it's not based on reality. To conclude, I don't really know if all this is caused by my feelings about my current relationship, by my lack of experience or by actually being aro. At the moment I feel like it's the last option but I'm not sure yet. It's only been two days lol So there's my story on this topic. Mainly wrote it for myself, but I'm glad if someone else read it all too.
  23. I hate to admit but seems like I got a squish on someone. I'm Aro Ace but squish is quite hard to deal with. I keep thinking of that person and need effort not to think about that. I know that person is Aro Ace as well and we've been a good friend. I'm just so lucky to be that person's one of the friends and I feel like I don't deserve that friend. They are always kind and caring to everyone, everything around them. I should be happy with status-quo. Then, but why this strong longingness? It's like my rational self cannot harness some part of emotion, which annoys me a lot. Anyone can relate? How do you deal with it? I just want to calm it down and silence my emotions and keep everything going as it is, but such a simple thing is darn so hard.
  24. Ace of Amethysts

    The 'Why I don't want to be a parent' thread

    First off, sorry for necromancing this thread. I have stress issues and depression, but they don't have much to do with why I don't want biological children. I don't want any because I think it's a waste of time for me.
  25. In the interest of being honest with everyone on here, I want to say that a friend I got a crush on two years ago and I are now officially in a romantic relationship. I’m not sure where exactly my feelings are since I’ve been trying to push the crush away since getting it because I didn’t want it to complicate our relationship, but here we are. I’m going to stay on Arocalypse if that’s alright with you all, because it does bill itself as a forum for people on the aromantic spectrum, not just aromantics, and I still consider myself on the spectrum. This is the second crush I’ve ever had if I had one back in fifth grade. 

    Anyway, keep living your best lives, and wish me luck!

    1. NullVector

      NullVector

      My feeling is that anyone who relates enough to the content on the site to want to spend time engaging with it 'belongs' here. If you had to prove all the time that you were 'aro enough', I would not like that. But I don't think this is that kind of place. Aros, grey-ros, demi-ros, romantic allies, etc, should all be made to feel equally welcome here, IMO. Good luck and let us know how your romantic relationship is going some time, if you ever feel like sharing something with us here ^_^.

  26. I don't know how I'm aro either. 😕
  27. A few hours ago, I worked a 7-hour shift at Smith's. While there, I ran into my old Special Ed teacher from elementary school. Also, a man with a pony tail, whom I think is a very intriguing individual, ranted to me about the produce workers not doing their job correctly. He told me his name and we shook hands. Those were two nice events that happened at work, just thought you all would like to know.....

  28. DavidMS703

    Our Favourite Aromantic Songs

    Heart Eater by aromantic YouTuber Connie Glynn is a great one. Her other original song, Video Boy, has some lyrics to suggest not having romantic feelings toward real people but is about being romantically interested in a virtual character. Another good one is Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha.
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